joyo

Just a matter of Patience

2010-07-26T13:21:47Z

Something I've learned this year is that things not only don't happen the way you planned, but also, things sometimes require a heap of patience. I am learning that I need to have more patience than one might realize. Perhaps it's me getting older and more cynical, or perhaps it's just because all my good/close friends live so far away, and I am faced to attempt the same level of conversation with a younger, less cynical/analytical person.

Why do I feel the need to rant? well... I hate when you see a movie, which is good, but not THAT good, and when you try to explain to the person who recommended said movie, that you liked most of it except for this one thing that made the film seem even that much more far fetched/ unrealisitic, they proceed to interrupt every point I made and counter it with their own. I have no problem being proven wrong, I in fact encourage people to convince me that my cynical side is just that, too cynical. But when you can't even have an intellectual debate about a film and the theology behind said film, and furthermore, you get interrupted and accused of being too judgemental and forced to apologize for saying that said person was being defensive about the film. What the heck! I have a right to say that I didn't like a film!

What a stupid reason to be upset! seriously.

And yet, when I woke up this morning I just wanted to shake something in frustration and just go GAAAAAAHHHH!!

Of being a doosh

2010-02-17T16:32:50Z

Hey,

So the other day i finally saw a friend (guy) of mine that I haven't been able to get a hold of for months. Let me start over: in the fall I tried getting a hold of my friend, (let's call him doosh) no reply to my phone messages, no reply to my msn messages. I went over randomly to find him home, he was stressed from school so i forgave his ignoring me. I then dropped off a xmas gift, which was hand made by myself and a friend. THis was followed by another month and a half of him ignoring me, phone messages and msn messages.

When i saw my friend at a mutual friends concert last week he decided to tell me that he purposefully wasn't returning my calls because of the tone of voice i had left the messages in, and also that he hadn't even tried on the gift i made him, and nor did he even taste the gluten free cookies i made special for him. So Doosh then says, "now that's out of the way" implying that we can be all chummy again. Then says he'll come over on tuesday evening to see my new apartment and meet my new kitty. Did he show up? no. Did he respond to my phone calls or texts when i tried to find out if he was coming over? No.

So really, is this doosh a friend of mine? or am I fooling myself into thinking that a friendship from grade 9 until present is worth nothing now becuase he rejected my gift and chooses to ignore me.

I think it's best that I walk away from him.. but geez! I used to think of this guy as my best friend!

Hello

2009-06-09T23:57:36Z

Further marketing :)

Please take a look at my website

www.jsrmt.ca

matters of love and smoke

2009-05-14T14:17:06Z

hey,

I've been dating this wonderful man. His name is Donovan, he's sweet, understanding, funny, sexy, nerdy and so on.. :) he makes me smile, even when we're not together. Long distance relationship, though it is, I really only have one issue with this lover of mine, he smokes cigarettes.

So? big deal! IF that's the only problem you have with him then you should consider yourself lucky.

Really? But, I worry about his health all the time. He doesn't drink alcohol any more, but he does like to smoke cigarettes and other stuff. He doesn't smoke cigarettes nearly as much when i'm with him, but what about when we're not together?

Am I supposed to silently sit by while he does this? should I say things to encourage him to quit?

I'm not a nag, and I know it's really hard to quite smoking, and he only will when he's willing and ready. But I love him and I want him to be a part of my life for a long time still. I worry that the cigarettes are going to kill him. Am I being a worry-wart? am I just being silly? I don't know..

I've waited a long time to be with a man of this caliber, and I would like him to be around for a long time still. am I being too selfish? Are there ways to encourage him to quit without pushing and nagging?

any advice?
thanks

Work... pfft!!

2009-02-27T22:22:36Z

Hey all,

So, I have a new pet peeve. That is when a client is booked in for a massage and they don't show up. That really sucks... and for numerous reasons:

1. the obvious lack of working, not getting paid that hour for work since there's no client
2. the sitting around twiddling my thumbs because i have to wait for my next client who I can only hope will show up.
3. the feeling of being disrespected... have they never heard of a phone?? call and let us know you're not coming!

grrr..

on that note: anyone who would like a massage treatment I do work from home aswell.. and so i have offer treatments from there. Please feel free to check your benefits and see if you have massage coverage, and if you do.. please feel free to call me or your locak RMT and book in to relieve your muscle tension.. :) and if you book in, please show up ;)

that is all...

General Anxiety

2008-08-02T15:33:09Z

hey,

since i've been done school my anxiety levels have fluxuated... my CMTO exams were scary, but now they're over... registration was frustrating, but now that's done... applying for work is freaky, but i realize i hold a skill that allows me to work the way i want to work, i determine my own lifestyle... and yet.. i'm freaking... obviously becuase i'm starting my own business.. I am now a registered massage therapist, and i need to market myself as such. My life plan has shifted unexpectedly, and I am worried about it..

my gut has decided to tell me what to do... you see, I have been getting signals from inside (instinct is perking up).. all telling me to choose what i have chosen, renting space to treat and starting my own business... golly... breath..

so anxiety has a way of creeping in. Now, I couldn't sleep last night becuase i was so freaked by it. I don't like that and I am trying to breath to clear my head and my worried heart. it's not working very well.

I'm just searching for some peace of mind... i worry about my friends, and family... and i feel like there is so many things that could go wrong, i am trying to not focus on it.. breath i say.. breath.. it's going to be fine... but waking up with anxiety isn't a good sign... i need to do something different to change my feelings.

I need to snap out of it!! i need someone to just say "in order to be okay you need to snap out of it! you'll work hard and you'll be successful, so just shut the fuck up!!" or maybe something along those lines.. hahahah!

simply

2008-07-18T04:28:48Z

i want to keep this short.. no rant or rave about how men suck this time!!!

though it is about men... i was set up a blind date.. and being skeptical.. i was happily surprised that this guy (though odd, weird, bizarre, out of the box sort) was really nice. and beyond nice he respected me, and treated me as such..

i'd grown so accustomed to men treated me like shit that i forgot that guys could actually be decent human beings.. REALLY!! holding doors open, paying for things aside... he respected my person and was genuinely interested in what i had to say...

furthermore he has a blog that i read, and in talking about our meeting he said "She's stunning".... i keep reading that part over and over thinking... really?? me! it's odd reading something that's written out to the public, but refers to you in a positive light..

anyway... who knows :)

joyo @ 2008-04-06T09:48:00

2008-04-09T14:01:54Z

i've done some math.. and including this week.. i have a total of 6 weeks of classes, 1 week of final exams.. and then a week until grad...

so basically 8 weeks!! i can't fucking believe i will be graduating in 8 weeks!!! it's been 18 months!! of school... arrrghhh!!!

that means 10 weeks until i take my registration exam with the CMTO and i suppose 12 weeks until i could be working as an RMT!

i guess that means i should start applying for work ... :)

watch out world!

or at least watch out K-W.. i'm soon to be an RMT with a mission.. sustainable lifestyle.. .ie.. i can live off my own wages.. hurrah!

in other news..

i am still trying to fill that void in my life... a piece of who i am is still missing... maybe you know where he is?

i painted on monday which was a much needed release... but i definately feel like there is more that needs to be done that way.. and in other ways..

all in all..

8 weeks baby!

3 more months of stress

2008-03-04T20:11:08Z

hello all...

today was a particularly predictable stress day at my school... i was going to say my beloved school.. but then decided that NO... my beloved school was Sheridan... and U of T... since that is where i was able to release my stressful life through art...

where i go to school now is simply a pain in my neck.. and please take the most literal context of that statement...

i was "elected" to be class rep a year ago and i have grudgingly taken on that duty... i never wanted to be the liason between administration and the rest of the class... but i was given that job all the same...

now the moment there are any problems with either the class or administration i am the messenger ... and that saying about "don't shoot the messenger".... well frankly they don't shoot me but they definately like to yell and get all upset towards me when i tell them that admin is stupid and they can't get their way...

3 more months... that's all i have left... and i pray that i'll make it...

i did have fun talking about manet today though... someone commented on my ass crack and how it was just like a picasso or a monet painting... i stated that i'd rather be a manet and then continued to show off my art history knowledge... which i hope one day will flourish once more...

sigh... 3 more months of stupid school and i'll have a piece of paper that will let me massage people in this province... 3 more months and i'll be free from my restraints and free to have a career...

just 3 more months... then i can get drunk and high and go wild... any takers?

thanks to all

2007-10-06T20:49:48Z

hey there,

so i just wanted to thank everyone for their support last week.. clearly i was going through something, and i'm so happy that i have such an abundance of friends who cared enough to reach out to me.. THANK YOU!!

So what did i do to get over my slump??
well i skipped out of a massage outreach and went to Nuit Blanche.. it was definately worth it.. i saw many many friends.. saw some art.. and danced with a racoon... definately a great night for art.. or at least for bizarre

also, i let life lead me through this all.. i just flowed through the evening, and the rest of the weekend.. if someone asked me to come along, i went.. if someone said, "Hey! let's do this!" i'd say okay... and low and behold this lead me to exactly what i needed to do.. i ended up having a spledid weekend full of happiness and empty of depression

along with all of this i have been climbing more than ever.. i managed to get further along on a bunch of routes including some hard 5.10's!!! woop!! AND i've started bouldering and working on getting my v.3 and v.4's going.. :) yay me!! this makes me feel strong and challenged.

so anyway, right now i'm studying all the spinal nerves of the body... i think so far my favourite names for nerves are as follows: Ansa Cervicalis, Long Thoracic, Musculocutaneous, Sciatic and Sural
- it seems like i know latin or something!!!!

anyway, thanks to all once again.. love you all

jyoti

unsure of a crisis

2007-09-27T13:28:31Z

hey,

so i don't know what's going on... do you? well maybe i do... see the thing is that i'm in my third term of massage collage, my brain is exploding on a daily basis and overflowing with information about the human body and ways to treat it, make it heal better, and basically live healthier... and as much as i love what i'm learning and love how it's changing my life, i can't seem to feel right...

maybe it's because i've been in school since january with only two full weeks off in that 8 month stint, and i still have another 8 months to go with only three weeks to look forward to to have off.. maybe i'm just really tired, maybe i'm just really drained...

but that doesn't change the fact that i feel this way and i can't shake it... i find it hard to concentrate in school, and i find it even harder to retain all the information i've learned over the last 8 months... i CAN'T forget, i can't afford to forget...

Worst of all, i feel completely disconnected to my past... my art life is non existant and i miss it so much so that i almost can't stand it...

i want to immerse myself in art again, but i can't afford the brain space...

i realize that i only have 8 months left, and then i write my board exams and such, and then i'll be registered and i can start working as an RMT and i can afford the time to get back to my art... but it feels like forever before that will happen..

worst with that is that i feel like i won't make it to the end without my art... i need a release in so many ways... i need a break, and i need to figure out a way to survive through this without losing evey part of who i was for the last 5 years...

friends, i miss you all and i'm sorry that i'm not around more...
how are you supposed to help others.. make them feel better... when all you feel, day in and out, is lonely and empty?

i don't even know.

joyo @ 2007-05-27T21:40:00

2007-05-28T01:41:24Z

i simply do not do enough homework.. how boring am i?? all i want to do is climb. hang out with friends, eat and not do homework...

i don't want to end up having a rude awakening in two weeks with my midterms sneaking up on me... but still.. i can't focus...

stupid facebook is eating my time and i really don't understand why i check it numerous times a day...

anatomy is interesting... but i'm having a hard time focusing on it with all this nice weather and climbing boys around...golly... if only i could watch the anatomy as opposed to having to read about it... wouldn't taht be nice...

sigh..

i'm off to do a little more HW now... wipee

joyo @ 2007-04-24T14:06:00

2007-04-24T18:10:05Z

well ya'll it finally happened...

it only took a couple months .. and a lot of me going out on a limb... and a lot of me digging into my savings.. and a lot of me sort of hoping to win the lottery (even though i don't play)

BUT I DID IT!!!

I GOT A JOB!!

and i think it's one that i'll actually enjoy... and learn something from.. and perhaps even satisfy my bill payments..

i got a job at sears portrait studio!! ahhaha i get to take pictures of babies and stuff! wahoo! hehheeh

it should be good.. and even if it's not.. it's really close to the rock climbing gym, so at least i can go climbing for a bit after work each day.. that should satisfy me.

anywhoo.. drop me a message if you wanna hang this week.. i have it off from my hectic work schedule, and i'm looking to chill with peeps..

ciao for now

kind of proud of myself... but not really the sinful amount

2007-03-26T01:49:58Z

heyall

today after a load of laundry, a load of homework and a load of family time.. i went rock climbing.. Suprise!! ha!

anyway.. i'm officially a 5.9er and i'm proud to say i don't even need to start on anything easier.. wahoo for me!!

also.. i finally talked to that guy that i posted about awhile back... you know the guy that i was crushing on but couldn't get the balls to say HI and such... so today the gym was pretty empty, and it was closing.. he was still bouldering.. so i just went up and was like "hey chris. blah blah blha.. "asked him some random questions just to speak to him..basically i found out that he'll be around this summer.. :) happy... but i also realized that i was less into him than i was before... funny right?? well go figure the moment i finally get the nerve to speak to the cutest guy ever, i finally come to my senses and stop crushing so hard... ah well... i figure at least this way i can talk to the man... big improvement.

in other news.. i'm still unemployed... yuuup... that's officially over a month of non working for jyoti...

if i don't get a job soon i'll be in serious problems with spending cash... spending cash for gas, food, rent, bills, insurance.... let's hope i get a job... yes..?

ps i miss everyone... even those that live in my town... why is that i never see anyone.. oh yes.. school...

i apologize that i don't see anyone anymore... i realize that's mostly cause i go rock climbing on my off time... let's hope that in the future i'll have more down time.. and more money!! :)

ciao

unemployed and unsure

2007-02-28T21:42:02Z

okay... so i've lost my job... actually.. it was removed from me... but don't fret about me for that.. i was going to quit... just not so soon... ah well... no more stained glass store....

but here lies my new dilema... i am nearing the mid point of my first term of school... i have about two midterms each week in march.. and then finals jump on up in april...

come may i'm in second term, and aparently it's even harder...

my question lies here:

survey:
should i find a shitty min. paying job and just work what i can?

should i dig into my line of credit and live off that?

tell me what you think??
if i don't work i'll have more time for learning... but little to no money for fun things... like an awsome camping trip/climbing trip/ movies/ eating out...

i could maybe swing those things... but i don't even know how i'll pay rent,... eeep... well my line of credit would... hmm..

i need opinions so i can bring this to my parents when they get back from their holiday...

la vie sans l'art

2007-02-07T03:48:35Z

school is good.. i know how to study and learn the material.. wahoo for me!!

life... is the question mark.... i am super duper strapped for cash, but i refuse to give up the few things in life that make me happy... ie.. climbing... yet my bills are high and my income is low... sad story i know

besides the usual gripe about cash... there's the lack of social life... I apologize in advance... and for the past .... i see post after post about parties and openings and events... that I REALLY want to go to... but because it's in the middle of the week.. or even on a weekend... and i need to spend my time memorizing, egs. the origins and insertions of the sacrospinalis muscles... i just can't afford the time/brain cell damage due to comsumption of alcohol and lack of sleep.... (not an excuse... but it's true)

the problem with this is that i miss you all... and i wish that i could just sit with you in a cafeteria... or hang out for a couple hours at sheridan whilst we listen to carmello sing songs... or watch a little television while we eat our pad thai...

i miss you all...

and if this wasn't bad enough... there is no art in my life... i haven't been able to create anything since the holidays... and even still.. i haven't created anything 'artistic' for myself since i graduated... i'm just becoming a crafty old bird... i knit, crochet.. and bead... when i have time... i might as well start scrapbooking.. OH wait!! i can't becuase i'm not even photographing my boring ass existence...

the lack of selfies is ridiculous and i feel that i am not only falling apart in the real world of art.. but lacking in the virtual one... my pics are soooo out of date... it makes me want to cry... it's a good thing my endorphins are pumped up from climbing.. otherwise i would be sad!

how am i to survive another 17 months of this??

who am i now? who will i be in the end?

What happened to that girl i knew?

flew back via miami

2006-11-14T20:46:59Z

well...

as you know i went to the bahamas with melly this past week... and boy was it awsome!!!

i lay in the sun, i met some awsome jamaicans, visited Atlantis, went on a seadoo, climbed the rock wall, danced at a local club, flew in a trapese..

and was left stranded on our last night without a flight home... that's right.. due to a mix up.. melissa and I were left without a flight home, and we were alone...

after much stress and panic we got the last two seats on a flight to miami.. and we were just praying that we'd find a flight that would take us back to canada...

we arrived in the bahamas at 12 midnight, and slept on the floor until about 430am... then after realizing that all the flights out to toronto were over booked and there was no way we'd be on any of those flights home.. we decided to buy a ticket for today... this morning at 8am... spent the full day and night in this inn called 'sleep inn' (pretty appropriate).... and we safely made it home today by 11:15am in toronto...

wow...

all i can say is that since this trip was free.. and we got to do all of the above mentioned events for free... and we made some awsome friends.. including my opportunity to make friends with this "dance king" named Bullet.... there was a need for a balance in our trip... it was all too good to be true.. and so this last 40 hours was meant for some sort of karmic balance...

too bad it cost me a paycheque and a half.. plus lack of sleep and nutrition...

at least i have a rockin' tan :) woop!

pictures will arrive later on ringo... so keep an eye out

nowhere.. let's go

2006-10-20T04:40:41Z

i think i'd like someone to like me.... to look at me and feel so happy and warm... to want to talk to me and spend time with me.. even if it gets awkward or strange, or new, or unknown.... someone who would like to stay up late and risk being tired at work, just so they could spend a couple more minutes with me....

i think i'd like someone to like me.... just so i could feel like i'm not nowhere... that i'm acutally here.. and breathing...

i think so....

yet.. what i think and what i know... i do not know... since i have to be patient and throw myself out on a limb... alone...

so i am nowhere... and i'm ready to go....

let's go already... shan't we?

i don't know...

as this all shifts..

2006-10-14T03:37:07Z

this morning i am woken up by my father calling me to inform me that my mother was hit by a truck as she was walking....

yes.... it's true...

i go to the hospital with my brother and find out that she's okay but she hurt her shoulder and foot...

after that hectic morning i got to work a 9 hour shift...

then found out my mom was released and so headed to my parents house to help out.. since my mom can't walk or use her arm...

she actually has a broken shoulder and a broken wrist (both on her left arm).. her foot is okay.. amazingly since the truck that hit her rolled over her foot...

anyway.. i want my mommy to get better... and i'm very greatful that she didn't have worse injuries.. considering...

dinner/party

2006-09-30T13:24:49Z

bored on a saturday night??

well be so no longer...

come to 29 erb st. friends.... it's a dinner/party...

potluck and fun...

if you haven't heard about this yet... then where the heck have you been hiding?

come already!

730 dinner.... 10 party!

see you there!

umm... huh?

2006-09-20T00:37:17Z

okay

so in case you don't know.. i've been climbing all summer, with the lovely and talented miss melly white.

we've been having a blast, but that has ended now that she has headed back for school.. and i am still in waterloo without a car..

so, someone she knew was willing to climb with me.. He, was cool, and we met at the gym, and climbed having a dandy ole time...

yesterday i got an email from him explaining that he won't be able to go climbing again this wednesday.. sad.. but i'll deal...

but then i get a random msn message to which i reply.. trying to figure out who this person is... and they say "i'm your climbing partner"... so i think.. yeah cool it's him... and then he goes "i want to climb you".... to which i don't know how to respond... cause... well... that's no way to get in my pants... even if you are hot!....

so being confused.. i tried to get out of the conversation... to which i ended by saying "ciao.. time for me to paint"....

and now i'm all confused cause i want him to be my climbing partner... and i wouldn't have been opposed to seeing if we liked eachother.. but knowing what he said makes me not want to see him again... even though he was super cool and nice in person.. .

fuck msn has a way of twisting shit up..

uhh,,,, oki

joyo @ 2006-08-24T19:19:00

2006-08-25T00:00:39Z

my dream last night ended:

me as a man running threw a forrest.. it was a beautifully untouched forrest... there were people wearing like ninja outfits.. but they were silken red and bright colours... i lose them by releasing a sheet of leaves which covers my trail...

then i was a woman.. and i was walking through the forest.. i was wearing a long flowing dress... and i could see beautiful clean water from the forest... it was so clean and lovely... then i head towards the water, and i see two ninja men sitting there.. i quickly hide behind a tree, but they saw me... so i climb a tree to try and escape.. but they grab me...

then i'm in the water.. and i can see a city in the distance... the headlights of cars are slowing coming towards me over the water... it was sad to see so many cars getting closer..

wake up..

soo much pasta

2006-08-19T23:05:55Z

i got home from work, and decided that it was a good night for spaghetti... yumm... so i made a funky sauce with spinach and mushrooms... plus a can of sauce... i gots skillz like that...

anyway.. served myself a heaping plate.. ate that up.. then was like.. i could eat more... so went back for round two... ate that up.. yumm... now i'm sitting around. and i feel the pressure on my stomach.. my head is feeling light and i could definatley take a nap.. :)..

this reminds me of two things:

1) italy, when i would come home from class, make a big pasta lunch, and then sleep for at least a couple hours... then wake up in the evening, and eat... :) life was good in italy

2) in second year living in the "death house" i got home from school one day, after having to pull an all nighter on a design project.. i decided to make a big pasta dish.. which i didn't realize was as big as it was until i put it all on my plate... i remember thinking at the time.. "maybe i shouldn't take this much".. but oh how i totally put it all on my plate... then i sat down and watched johnny mnemonic... i honestly didn't finish eating that plate of food until the end of the movie... i thought i was going to die..

ha!

so fisting high!

2006-07-25T22:28:25Z

today started off tired and weird dreamy... as in.. i had a hard time getting out of bed because of a weird dream which included a reference to Zeus, a rock band, and zombies...

but that aside.. i proceded to return a phone call from a store which i applied for work.. it's called the Glass Bead Game, a stained glass store/studio in the little town of St. Jacob's... this call turned into an intervue which i had to get ready for pronto... it went very well.. and i got all excited about the possibility of actually working there..

after all this i went out for sashimi with my bro Jay.. it was lovely.. and for the first time in a while i felt like i was an adult right along with him...

once i got home i tried frantically to contact all my references so i could get them to the Glass Bead Game lady.. who's name is Natalie.. (and when she had called the night before, she had a conversation with my grandmother.. it was very cute to hear them both tell me about their conversation)

after only being able to find one reference i sent it to her.. within an hour i heard back from natatlie to tell me that she would like to hire me!!!!!

How fucking exciting is that?? i start sunday.. and already i'm having to balance between micheals and this new job... hopefully all will work out spleandidly..

though i know it will!!!!

i just can't believe that i now have two jobs, and i can officially say that i work full time hours! haha!!!

things seem pretty good... especially since i won't have to give up my camping weekend, which i was afraid would be the deterring factor in hiring me... but it wasn't...

anyway.. yay me!!

don't know really..

2006-07-16T03:48:34Z

it's been awhile since my last post... and i was contemplating why i haven't really been writing things down.. and not just on here.. but anywhere...

ever feel like you've become someone you didn't plan on being? or that you are far too often missunderstood? that you reached a point in your life where you felt completely comfortable with who you are, and then all of a sudden that personality gets mixed reactions and you start to feel unsure about everything??

i find it astonishing how quickly people can change. i'm glad for change.. and i'm happy that my life is never boring... but i'm a little concerned for the outcome of this change... am i making the right choices? am i going to actually come out ahead after these next few years?? will i be able to accomplish everything i want to accomplish??

i'm trying to stay positive about my dreams.. i'm trying to stay level headed about who i am, and who i grew to become over these last four years... i don't want to lose sight of what i've gained... i never want to revert back to who i was before...

it's so interesting how environment forms so much about you...

breath..

i just need to keep going.. right? ok.