the plane lurches—5,000 feet and climbing—as my phone clings to its last bar of service while my takeoff song1 plays.

seatbelt light still on, i buss down the tray table, crack my moleskin, and let the pen fly.

i call them air pages—an unfiltered brain dump at 30,000 feet.

there’s something about the no wi-fi, altitude, and the feeling of being nowhere yet everywhere at once that creates the perfect cocktail (oh, those help too) for reflection and intention setting.

one chapter closes. 6 weeks in LA—done and dusted.

ahead: a month in new york.

amidst the journal slop, one thought rises to the top:

what if, for the next four weeks, i just do what i want, when i want to do it?

to anyone else, that might sound like a no-brainer.

but as someone who’s relied heavily on discipline to navigate life, it’s a radical thought.

no rigid plans, no tracking macros, no endless to-do lists.

instead, i would be guided by just 3 letters: A, B, Z.

simulated suffering

classic scenario: i’m driving to the gym, but my mind isn’t on the road—it’s planning ahead to the workout.

but when we say “planning ahead” something else is actually happening.

it’s more like we’re simulating the event ahead of time—because the mind is famously bad at distinguishing between real-life and events we simply imagine2 (this is why visualizations are so effective).

the result? rather than relish in the ultimate driving experience™ of my 143 horsepower honda civic rental, i’m enduring the workout twice—once in my head on the drive over, then again IRL.

and, as anyone who’s ever dreaded a dentist appointment knows, the imagined version is almost always worse.

unfortunately, i’m wired to plan ahead. suffering twice is the norm.

this makes life feel chore-like, imbuing it with a heaviness. even things i once enjoyed—like the sauna—become obligations—another box to tick in the name of “wellness.”

obligations demand discipline, and discipline is exhausting—a constant struggle to swim upstream.

desire, on the other hand, is the current that carries you forward, effortlessly.

so, for the next four weeks, i’d let desire take the wheel—and see where it leads.

the A, B, Z framework

i first heard about it from shaan puri3 — he talks about it in the context of business, but the more i noodle on it, the more certain i am that it’s a universal truth.

here’s how it goes:

• start where you are (A).

• identify where you want to go (Z).

• and focus only on the next immediate step (B).

that’s it.

no grand strategies.

no overthinking (A,B,C,D,E,F…).

just enough structure to keep moving forward without falling into the trap of analysis paralysis or procrastination (our attempts at the “perfect plan” are almost always just procrastination, i would know, i’m a recovering midwit).

let’s see it in action. take meditation:

A (where you are): 📍

Z (your goal): a calm mind

B (the immediate next step): this inhale

then repeat.

as you inhale, what’s the immediate next step? exhale.

repeat that enough times and you might just experience a few moments of calm strung together by lots of frustration.

you don’t need to hunt down the full ram dass discography or go on that silent retreat.

or at least you don’t need to plan that right now — just do what the moment asks of you.

the P word

right about now you might be thinking… well hold on tadz, it sure sounds like you’re telling me to “just be present”.

i know, i know.

you’ve been told to do so a million and one times.

yeah, it’s never worked for me either. i’m too future-oriented.

fortunately, A, B, Z meets us where we’re at.

it’s a bit like presence, with a plan.

a very immediate plan, but a plan nonetheless.

we’ll call it presence-ish.

we’re reducing the planning window from 10 steps, to just one.

→ the immediate next step.

by shrinking your focus to just the next step, you eliminate the need for discipline to drag you through the entire plan.

you’re not thinking about struggling through the next 9 minutes of your meditation, you’re just doing what is in front of you — taking a breath — an action driven more by desire than discipline.

i call this action of moving from A → B… B-ing (being).

old habits

to be clear, i still find myself falling into old habits and scheming far ahead.

i’ll skip B and jump down the alphabet… to F

when that happens, i go “ooop, F-ing myself again.”

but i try not to chastise myself, that would make the problem worse.

instead, i treat it like a rep—an opportunity to strengthen my presence-ish muscle by recentering to (A), so that i can just (B)e.

one day at a time

i’ve never been to AA, but i’d kinda like to. it sounds like they’ve got a lot figured out.

alcoholics in recovery are taught to focus on the immediate challenge—staying sober today.

not staying sober this week. or year.

just take it one day at a time.

A, B, Z echoes this sentiment, one micro-step at a time.

A: this moment

Z: live a life of sobriety

B: do anything but pick up a drink

string enough of those moments together and you’ll live a life of sobriety. but focus on being sober for life and the weight of the task will crush you.

4 weeks later

so, how’d the experiment go?

i’d be lying if i said it totally changed my life.

though, for the first two weeks, it really felt like it might.

which frustratingly is almost always the case with these things.

after reading awareness by anthony de mello i had a similar experience.

profound lightness. so this is living!

and that lasted about two weeks, then i started slipping back into my old habits.

still, i’m a bit better at catching myself when i F myself and returning to B-ing.

maybe that’s all we can hope for—to be a little better today than we were yesterday. one day at a time, as the AA folks say.

more importantly, i learned to trust my desires a bit more.

my biggest fear going in was that, left unchecked, i’d end up stranded on couch island, surrounded by empty pints of ben and jerry’s.

i didn’t.

in fact, not a single ben and jerry’s was harmed.

till next time,

-t

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p.s. — i’ve got a favor to ask: if you were to describe joy arb to a friend, how would you pitch it? stream of consciousness welcome. not looking for perfect prose — just whatever comes to mind. hit me here or just bonk that reply button.