cheer up
it might never happen
If I don’t
take the pills
I will kill
myself
not possibly, but
guaranteed-
I’ve tried before
I picked a tree.
When you ask
the computer,
what’s the best
way to kill
myself?
The first result
is the
number for
Samaritans,
not that helpful
but well
intentioned.
I’m scared of blood
and death and
the dark but
when I wake
up
my brain goes
elsewhere quick
visions of my
wrist slit, and
empty vessel
motionless
in
a red slick,
a puddle of
wasted potential.
Potentially something
more than just
a sad kid,
made big.
If I don’t take these
pills I will
kill
myself, so
I take the pills,
until
they stop working
as well,
then I call
Dr Goldstein, tell
her I’m in
hell.
Ok lets up your
dose by
20mg a day,
see if that
takes the
visions away,
let me make a
coffee without
turning the wand
to my eyes and
burning them out,
or cut vegetables
without fear of
losing my grip
and splitting my
face with the
blade.
I was ten when
I found out
you
could kill
yourself and
every day I
get up and I
don’t.
Made a promise
to my sister
I won’t, if I
don’t take these
pills I will
kill myself,
so I take them,
and don’t.




damned if u do damned if u dont </3
you write so beautifully always I love you Jort <3