Multiple Choice

Dec 16, 2024

Here are some tips for anyone who has a test coming up:

If there’s an “All of the above,” choose it. They wouldn’t write it if it weren’t the correct answer.
If there’s a “None of the above,” always choose that, too. This is what testers write when they don’t know the answer and don’t want to admit it.
Follow the adage: “When in doubt, Charlie out.” Choosing C when you don’t know makes guessing feel less random.
The answer is never A. That’s just there to set the stage for the other answers.
The answer is sometimes B or D, but usually C. (I guess there is something to the Charlie adage.)
It’s never the same answer twice in a row (unless they’re trying to trick you).
If there’s both an “All of the above” and a “None of the above,” choose both. This creates a logical paradox which breaks the grading machine and forces the tester to give you an emergency “A” or grade your paper by hand, which, if they are using a multiple choice test, they are definitely too lazy to do.

I think you’ll find that these tips render studying completely unnecessary! Please do not write in with your test results.

Central Texas Teen & Kids Comic Con (Feb 22, 2025): Free attendee tickets are now available to reserve. I’ll be a vendor!
This newsletter will be on hiatus starting next week, so make your cryogenic sleep arrangements now.

You can still order a book from my website! If you order now, I’ll do my best to make sure it arrives in time for National Whiner’s Day on Dec. 26.

Get the Substack-exclusive 10% discount when you enter code SUBSTACK10 at checkout!

Know a friend who loves comics? Share my about page link with them so they can subscribe. Friends love when you advertise to them!

Today, when you find yourself faced with an important decision, remember that the correct answer is “all of the above.”

-Joe