to be seen is to be loved but it's also to know you're living your most true life out loud
because then the world cannot help but to see you
Jalapeno and watermelon margarita in front of me, I opened the next gift from my friends.
This one came after an “off my tits on aperol spritz” hat (that is 1) obviously so very me, and 2) the second gift I’ve received over the years with this quote on — the Aperol love runs deep) and a keychain from a hostel in Hue that my three friends from home and I met up in back in January.
As I tore the wrapping paper, I saw the words “travel journal” sprawled across the front.
Flicking through, each page was titled with a different country across the top — waiting for you to visit every place and fill it in.
Heavy tears filled my eyes in an instant. The sensation that came over me was so intense that it took a few sips and a drag of a cig to get it out.
“It’s just that — you could have — you guys wouldn’t have bought me this a year ago, because it wasn’t my life” .. more tears.
A year ago, that gift would have felt like something I’d lay at the tombstone of the dreams I used to chase. Twenty-eight year old Jess wasn’t thinking of the next country to visit. (Actually, she was — but she was burying that whisper deep).
She was waiting for her boyfriend to book their annual poolside holiday where she’d spend ten days having to pull up a conversation-starter app on her phone just to get a single deep conversation; reading books cover to cover (kindle to kindle?) to avoid bickering. Convincing herself that yes, her dream holiday really was an all-inclusive resort with nice towels and a dirt track down to see an Elvis impersonator with a mohawk seven nights a week.
Twenty-nine year old Jess left the relationship. She’s not long home from three months of solo travel. She’s seen the world and plans to keep seeing it. She’s dating, and doing things for the plot, and reminded on every night out “how good it feels to have Jess back”.
And so, the gifts she receives mirror that. She’s no longer hiding her free-spiritedness like it’s something to be ashamed of. You look at her and you see that curiosity written all over her face.
They say “to be seen is to be loved”, but the part they miss out is that in order for you to be seen, you have to be living a life true to you, out loud. Which means you have to walk away from the people and the paths that don’t allow those parts of you to flow easily.
Because when you’re being so obviously your most authentic self, the world cannot help but to see you.
oh I am so so happy you've come back to yourself Jess <3 wear that off my tits on Aperol Spritz had with pride (also iconic)
To be seen is to be loved and I love that you have grown in these ways! I feel the same way about my writing because I wasn’t writing anything a year ago let alone six months ago. It’s such a gift that we continue to grow throughout our lives.