Hooked on a star

more anxiety thoughts

jenius08 — Wed, 04 Sep 2013 03:08:10 GMT

I realized tonight I'm having more intrusive thoughts than usual.

A newish kid named David got some shit from the president and in my head I can easily say "don't dwell on it, that's how he is" but to myself I accuse myself of everything

I worry that my coworkers notice my acne and think I look bad or young or judge me for it
I worry the people in the hallway are judging me and finding me unattractive, and that they find me attractive
I worry that my coworkers think I am stupid and I worry that they think I ask too many questions
I worry that this onboarding process somehow worked for everyone else but me and that I am the weak link
I worry that it is new and hasn't worked for anyone, and that is why it is not working for me and it is broken and I am overwhelmed because of it

I worry that I'm going to lose my job
or that they'll give me pointers on what to get better at and that I will be too overwhelmed with worry to implement the changes
I worry that I will try and study and read and never catch up
I worry that everyone thinks I'm smart and I'm going to let them down

I worry that I'm underdressed or dressed too young or cute a lot of the time

I just worry

jenius08 — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:12:46 GMT

also DUDE I have had this account for SO LONG

As much as I like Tumblr for the ease of sharing other people's posts and photos and things, I really like LJ's friends lists / privacy settings and things like that. I wish there were a way to get the best of both but I suppose maybe I will just blog into the ether here when I want to make longer posts.

jenius08 — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:06:47 GMT

Help I haven't been on this site in ages

I don't know what I'm doing anymore

Send food

jenius08 — Thu, 10 May 2012 03:21:17 GMT

oh my GOD I haven't been here in FOREVER

jenius08 — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:46:25 GMT

Ideas for places to look for money to pay my bills
• call my old guidance counselor
• keep applying for third jobs
• sell a spare organ

Ideas for trying to sell all this damn art I'm making
• deviantart (no luck)
• etsy (start up fees)
• art shows (entry fees)

Ideas for saving money
• develop anorexia to save food money
• walk errywhere

Make: Online - What does it mean to be a woman hackerspace member?

jenius08 — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 00:27:58 GMT

faceless_wonder is this referencing you? I saw PS:One and was like I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

In any case, this article is pretty interesting.

Week 6 of the internship at this point. Also, I've shaved the sides of my hair pretty close to my head and am really behind on pen pal letters.

week 3 already!

jenius08 — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 23:41:03 GMT

I told myself I'd post more...then I started having days that start at 7am and go til midnight o.o

Last week we had our C++ crash course, in which we all tried to learn the language in five two-hour classes. All the three-person teams then had to use it to make a little game; we made an rpg about a day at a university. It was cute, but another team with more past programming experience beat us to a pulp with a text-based lemonade stand game with tons of variables and about a thousand lines of code.

This week, though, we're learning 3D modeling and so far I'm having a ball. We had an assignment to make a scene with three snowmen doing something, here's a shot of mine:

I made that ALL BY MYSELF, GUYS!

As far as our over-arching project goes, I need to write a little paragraph on our 'problem area' by Wednesday; should be easy so of course I'm putting it off :p

I went to a ropes course for one of our group outings on Saturday and climbed a 50 foot tower :D :D

If you click that photo you can see my blog post (we blog daily M-F for the internship) about the snowmen and from there go to my page to see more photos if you want :)

here comes the sun

jenius08 — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 03:54:22 GMT

Today was the first full-ish day at ISU. We did a lot of walking, a lot of bus riding, and a lot of sitting....

The cafeteria here is spectacular, so that's exciting. I have 30 meals (29 now) on a card, preloaded. It's buffet style and they have salads and quesadillas made to order. I got to the quesadillas and never looked back so I don't even know what else there is except the dessert tables.

Touring the VRAC (Virtual Reality...something. oops.) building was also really eye-opening as to how great this campus is. It houses the C6, which is tied for the biggest 6-sided virtual reality lab in the world I think. We'll get to see it soon, which is a really special treat because it's not open to everyone to just walk in or tour it.

Tonight the tears are about to set in I think. I went with two of my roommates to Walmart to get groceries since we got paid and once we hit the road home it started to sink in and I've felt really down/sad/overwhelmed/scared since. Once I get this done I'm going to wash up, put on some Star Trek, and have a cry/go to bed. I'm just trying to hold off until then so I don't run into any of my roomies with red crying eyes.
It doesn't help that neither mom, dad, nor Marcus picked up their phones tonight :c

I keep trying to think of a way to sign off my posts lately so they don't feel so open-ended but everything sounds really contrived. Tonight I'll try borrowing from a professor at DC:

Imagine,
Duckie

today is the first day

jenius08 — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 04:35:41 GMT

I got up at 7 today to make the 6.5 hour drive from Champaign to Ames, Iowa. I got in around 3 and have moved about....1/3 to 1/2 of my things up to my room. It's on the third floor, but there's an elevator and air conditioning!

There was a picnic type dinner (including veggie burgers. is this heaven?) with a lot of the faculty/graduate advisors this evening, then one of the grad (postgrad? idk yet) students took us to Walmart to get some groceries. We got goodie bags with ID cards, a polo, some supplies like folders, a flash drive (8gb!) and so on.

Tomorrow we're going to walk around campus, get our photo IDs taken, get our first paychecks (woo!) and take a tour of the city on the bus system.

I miss home a lot already, and of course the boyfriend in particular, but I'm also excited to start rolling and have fun adventures with new people. Next weekend is a teambuilding activity and I've hit it off really well with one of my roommates so far.

It's about 11:30 and it's past my bedtime.

late nights, part 4000

jenius08 — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 09:56:29 GMT

Despite the dulcet sounds of Radiohead and the rain pattering on my windowsill, I couldn't fall asleep tonight. It's about five am and I still haven't.
Part of it is the nausea that I've been nursing on and off for about five days now, but a larger part of it has been my anxiety, both general and focusing on a recent argument with my boyfriend.

What I wanted to focus on in this blog entry, though, is the anxiety overall, because even though at my last, very recent, checkup I said I wanted to just continue on the same dosage of the same drug, I've been considering changing over the last week. I know it's not long to make a decision on which is why I am of course waiting. As it is, I had my first thoughts of hurting myself in what I remember to be a few months, I think around winter break. That's what really spooked me, that and the recurrent and intermittent inability to sleep.

I can assume somewhat safely that the nausea and some of these issues are from the attempt at rearranging the timing of my meds in order to try and get rid of some of the lack of appetite I've been having.

Anyway, more to the point of what's worrying me is the range of things I've been worrying about. A non-exhaustive list:
getting enough sleep to function in classes tomorrow, not sleeping through Shakespeare so that I don't miss my quiz, writing my Shakespeare paper for the semester, getting bad grades in that and my computer classes, being put on academic probation, losing some or all of my funding, fighting with my boyfriend, breaking up, him transferring to another school next year, my internship this summer, paying for the storage unit I'll need, whether or not Des Moines is going to be full of close-minded republicans or something, if I'm going to get along with my teammates on the project, if the food is going to be awful or not, what the living conditions will be like, finding a doctor to renew my prescriptions over the summer, finding a second internship next year, making it to graduation, whether or not I'll have a job right out of school, the fear of deciding to move home-ish to be close to everyone and getting sucked into staying for the rest of my life which would therefore lead to a low-paying job, all of my money going to my overwhelming student loan payments, and never enjoying the company of the people around me.

As you can see, it's a bit of an issue. I figured that maybe typing all of this out would help me stop tossing and turning and burping up food I'm not sure I've ever even eaten, and that perhaps publishing it would garner some recommendations.

jenius08 — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 07:56:33 GMT

I knew I shouldn't have bought Nutella the other night. It always devolves into me licking it straight off of a knife/spoon/finger in front of my computer, like so.

I was going to go somewhere with this and I've completely forgotten it now. I ran/walked a 5K this morning after a friend guilted me into it. I think I finished at about 32 minutes, which is miserable for me overall but considering how little sleep I'd gotten and how long it's been since I ran over about a half mile I'd say that was pretty decent.

I've been thinking about submitting a proposal for a plan to deploy One Laptop Per Child style PCs to schools in Cambodia and train the teachers to use them in the classroom but I'm really iffy on it. For one, it would be in May just after my senior year, with all of my research and planning occurring during that year. Two, I feel like a pompous First World ass just thinking about it: "What, you don't have running water? HAVE A COMPUTER! THEY MAKE LEARNING FUN!" Counterpoint one, though, is that the travel and a lot of other expenses are paid by some benefactors of my school.

sleep schedule, you have failed me again.

jenius08 — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:28:06 GMT

But in other news, it hit 70 today! I went for a jog outside and then did some lifting before meeting a friend for dinner at the caf. She's a freshman so she lives in the other hall so I don't see her much, but she's really great. She also happens to be transferring next year :(

I keep forgetting to schedule an appointment to get more refills on my Effexor scrip and start seeing the counselor again, now that I'm not too sick to stay awake for the appointments. I did, however, sign up for the blood drive Tuesday :)

The other half and I had a little argument today. Some crappy circumstances have basically led to his bank account being drained and so we're worrying about getting him over here/down to his mom's for spring break. I know I just saw him, but I'd still like him to come over again and visit me in my home territory for once in a great while. This is where I know the town and the restaurants and minimal things to do!

60 degrees? what??

jenius08 — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 00:03:14 GMT

Today's weather was pretty amazing. It was still chilly in the morning, but it was pushing 60 this afternoon.

Of course, I can't win and I had a killer headache by 2pm so I took a ton of tylenol and a nap instead of chancing things with a workout. I did, however, have a fantastic brunch and I decided to walk to Subway for dinner once I was up and feeling better. I got a veggie on the new(ish) 9-grain honey oat :) It wasn't a long walk but it was enough to work the last of the pain out of my thighs from my squats the other day. I'm hoping to get in a good workout tomorrow since I've been slacking the last couple of days.

For now, I'm on duty so I have to be up, in my room, and have my door open when I'm not on rounds so I decided to catch up on Glee :) I have some work I want to do for my Shakespeare class and some problems for Accounting, but overall it should be an easy night so I'm hoping to let myself relax and de-stress a little.

Also, I'm soooo bored with my hair. I don't know what I want to do with it next, though. I'm thinking about clipping one side really short and then tapering it longer, like a half-mohawk, half traditional 'emo cut' type thing. Not sure yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to get some color stripper and lighten it back up again. It's getting too pretty to have dismal dark hair :)

Spring fever

jenius08 — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 05:38:58 GMT

Today was the first day in a really, really long time that I felt like getting up and going outside instead of being in. I think it was a mix of coming back from a great spring break in Illinois and the weather finally picking up here in Ohio.

When I say getting warmer, keep in mind...it's more like 45 degrees F warm than balmy sunshine warm.

Anyway, it was great to finally feel like I'm starting to shake off the mono; the sleepiness and fatigue and weakness are all definitely still here, but much easier to deal with. I did an elliptical warm-up, some stretches, and then I was going to do squats and cleans but my legs cramped up after 2 sets of 5 squats with (I believe) 95 lbs. on the bar. Instead I did 2x15 dumbbell pushups with 15s and some knee raises, then a cool-down on a bike while I read about Shakespearean-era marriage laws - fun stuff, right??

Two year anniversary was on the 11th; I made lobster mac and cheese from scratch for lunch and then we went out to dinner at a place called the Spice Box. It was a themed dinner with delicious food and amazing desserts and it was wonderful.

I still have a lot of concerns in the back of my mind about money and my FAFSA and wanting to try a new medication, especially since my prescription is up after this month's dose. Also, waiting to hear back from internships and wondering what to do for the summer and a million other things including my term paper and how bad my computer classes' grades must be because I refuse to do this stupid assignment from last week. But I feel strong enough to work out a little, and that little bit really amped up my appetite, which is what really made me happy. I feel so much better when I can eat full meals.

Gratuitous insight into my evening

jenius08 — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 02:39:49 GMT

This is what I get for trying to let my hair grow out and do fun things with it. I don't know my way around a curler at all.

Also, final diagnosis at this point is I have mono along with a secondary virus and had to get two shots in the "hip" (aka totally the upper curve of my rump, and they hurt. a lot.) on...Saturday? to help take down my fever and throat swelling so I could sleep and eat.

2011 Book List

jenius08 — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 06:24:22 GMT

I may or may not keep up with reviews on these. We'll see.

ttyl
Be More Chill, Ned Vizzini
The Exorcist, William Peter Blatty
Boarding the Enterprise (Smart Pop series)
The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
Mindscan, Robert J. Sawyer
Twisted, Jeffery Deaver

In progress:
Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

Future reading (hopefully!):
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Taking the Red Pill (Smart Pop series)
The Hunger Games series
Not for Self but Others, Bert McEntire

thinkin' about my doorbell

jenius08 — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 07:28:15 GMT

I was going through old posts because I'm thinking of starting to list this blog as my "personal website/blog" on applications and things, and of course I wanted to make sure that no super-private entries accidentally got left hanging open.
(side note: it seems like LiveJournal is the red-headed stepchild of the blogosphere now? What gives?)
Anyway, I realized that on public-only view it looks like I only blogged about a half dozen times in all of last year! A real Shakespearean tragedy if I ever saw one.
(related: we're past As You Like It and into King Lear now. I'm starting to freak out juuust a little.)

I still don't feel that I've finished my list of Things to Do for this year, but I also feel that maybe picking 100 the last couple of years was a bit of a lofty goal. I hope to get back to all that before February is up. If not, I'm going to leave them as they are and just try to achieve them.

I've been making great progress on the reading-books bit, mostly thanks to OhioLINK and the school library. I'm churning my wheels on FlashForward, I think mostly because I've seen the show already so I'm trying really hard to dispel my preconceptions but not doing a very good job of it. I'm on page 27 and have had to renew it once already.
Some day.

Other news: I went to the ER last night because it turns out I have a second virus (yay me!) that's been causing ulcers in my throat. Yesterday I couldn't eat at all, so obviously I got pretty freaked out. They gave me scrips for Vicodin (DO THEY JUST GIVE THAT OUT LIKE CANDY I DON'T UNDERSTAND) and something called "magic mouthwash" which if you ask me sounds even more illicit than the Vicodin. In any case, I can eat full meals for the first time in a couple of weeks so I am one very happy girl indeed!

Also, I've been thinking about changing the name of this blog so that it's slightly less embarrassing, but I don't have to lose my archive of old, very embarrassing, posts. Anyone have any ideas for a new handle?
Edit: wait, WHAT? WHY is it $15 to rename an account? FIFTEEN DOLLARS THAT IS MY MONTHLY LOAN PAYMENT.

Oh, PS this weekend if I don't feel like death I'm tripping to Champaign for some visiting and Valentine's Day celebratin' and by that I mean since we're both sick we'll probably lay in bed and watch House marathons while eating soup and oyster crackers but hey :)

Health Update

jenius08 — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 09:11:49 GMT

It turns out that the abdominal pain I've been having for almost two weeks now is due to my spleen and/or liver being enlarged from the virus that causes mono. I've just now started to get "normal" symptoms, but have been told not to exercise basically at all and to keep my meals small to avoid taxing my spleen especially.

Well, that diagnosis and the weight I've lost from the liquid diet make me feel awesome! /sarcasm

Obviously I've made no progress toward my exercise/diet plans because of all this. All things considered though, my stress levels are at a pretty comfortable place for me this semester and I feel generally happy and pretty relaxed. My schedule is rough but I seem to be adapting well and I feel pretty settled into my classes.

Response to "Ode to the Nice Guys"

jenius08 — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 05:12:21 GMT

Ode to the Nice Guys, an essay found through stumbleupon, can be read here

This is a challenge for the "nice guys" who always lament about finishing in final place, apparently always enduring anguish being issued forth from the mouths of their female friends. This is a loosed gauntlet on the ground before the men who hang back, hang their heads, hang their coat on the rack only after asking politely to visit for dinner and confirming their plans several times weeks in advance. This is a rap on the shields of the persecuted knights that seemingly defend chivalry, but without pride or honor in it.

This is for the boys who go to the bars and keep their hands in their pockets and stand along the wall, the boys who recline and wait nervously until someone vapid and sloppy from spirits stumbles over their splayed feet, for the boys who complain about being overlooked as they bury deeper into their coat hoods and cover their chins with facial hair and books. For the boys who are genuine, but also genuinely awkward and unwilling to step forward and allow the sunlight to brush across their scalp.

This is for the boys who feel used as they dial the numbers saved into their phones whose names are of girls who only call on every third weekend, when they're bloated and cramping and mad at the world, to talk about how their shoes hurt their feet and their friends never compliment their highlights and lowlights and lowlife boyfriends. This is for the boys who cancel their plans to play martyr at the party she didn't have a flavor of the week for (for once).

It may be true that sometimes the nice guys don't get credit where it is due, but it is also the nice guys who refuse to truly collect upon it. It is the nice guys who work day by day with girls without dates, who smile and light up her world just as she realizes that they were looking over her head at the not-so-nice girls with not-so-nice habits. It is the nice guys who lock lips with those girls, who lock their lips around hooks made of acrylic and lace. It is the nice guys who stay home and fill up journal entries with theories about enigmas when explained phenomena lie just off the port bow.

So this, in my turn, is a toast to all of the girls with entries set to private in case he ever comes around to her side of the blogosphere, who think they must look like trolls because even after the eyeliner and ProActiv, no one clicks with her. This is to all of the girls rushing home from soccer practice, whose shorts hit the knee instead of being rolled below hipbones for the world to see their traces beneath the skin, who glance into the stands and never meet a pair of eyes all on her. This is to all of the girls who sneer at the not-so-nice girls while hoping inside that they never change, because as long as the not-so-nice girls are breathing in booze and passing with B's and C's and D's, the nice girls have a place to be.

I'm thinking of submitting this to the school's short story/poetry/prose compendium...any thoughts/advice?

The beginning of my weight gain journey.

jenius08 — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 05:17:12 GMT

Despite the popularity of weight loss blogs recently (or at least my perception of a recent rise in their existence) I am still skeptical of how many people will consistently read along with my weight gain. Even so, I will try to concisely describe my current situation, goals, and background before I start blogging more regularly about my exercise and eating habits and so on.

Background
I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that has been ongoing but increasing in severity for close to two years, I would say. One area in particular that has gotten more severe has been general self-esteem as well as body anxiety; feeling fat or misshapen, so on.
I used to run track for two years, leaving me in a state of overall fitness with a considerable amount of muscle tone, bad-ish knees, and an approximate body fat percentage of I believe 21% as measured with some low-grade calipers in my fitness class last semester.
My school has a required meal plan, of which I generally have chosen 14 meals a week; 2 per day through the week then both per day as offered (brunch and dinner) on weekends.
I try to donate blood regularly and have not yet been tested to have low iron or any other issues that would affect my donation; after donation I am often ravenous and very tired for the next two or so days but only had trouble (ie, lightheadedness, etc.) the very first time.

Currently
I am 18 years old and a junior in college, having just started my second semester.
I work as a resident assistant and in student security, so at least three days a week are spent working into the night until midnight/1am/3am.
I have a steady boyfriend of going on two years and a healthy relationship.
I am currently on the generic for Effexor XR, having tried the same for Paxil but experiencing terrible side effects from the start.
I have considered and may soon request to try a different medication, as I still have periods of severe anxiety as well as seemingly new depressive symptoms and have noticed an extreme drop in my appetite, even when compared to the reduced appetite that my rising anxiety caused in the months before medication was recommended by my therapist and subsequently prescribed.
I am also on an oral contraceptive that I have been on for years as well as (when I can remember it) a generic women's multivitamin.
I generally eat a fairly hearty breakfast, preferably oatmeal or cream of wheat with either a hard-boiled egg or peanut butter mixed into the cereal, about two servings of milk and occasionally juice or water as well. I struggle with making myself eat something in the middle of the day, as I am usually not at all hungry or sleep as much as possible. I then get hungry around 2 or 3, then am full through dinnertime (5-7pm) and then hungry again late at night; in fact, late night hunger is pretty common. I also have noticed a tendency to crave fairly fatty foods - most recently, biscuits and gravy despite just having had them, heavy cheeses, and carb-heavy desserts like sweet muffins and cookies, etc. I suspect that this is some sort of dietary deficiency, though that is just conjecture.

Goals.
I would like to find multiple healthy options for snacks that I can eat even when not feeling hungry while reaping maximum nutrition. So far, protein/powerbars, yogurt, fruit, and granola bars have all gone over well with my stomach but I would like to broaden those or improve upon them.
I would like to increase my body mass; at peak performance in track I was around 135 pounds at 5' 4". As measured last weekend, I am down to 120 with wet hair and everything but shoes on and worry about remaining able to donate blood. I have not noticed a significant change in the fit of my clothing except that my jeans are slightly looser and I do notice that I can tell quite easily by looking at my abdomen when I have eaten recently, even if I did not eat to the point of over-fullness. My goal is to add muscle to my lower body; measuring on the same scale I hope to add about five pounds or hopefully closer to ten. I realize that this is a fairly large jump, but I have always been able to put on muscle fairly quickly and easily.
I would like to hopefully increase my appetite by increasing (slightly) my energy expenditure (see above) during the day/morning so that my body wishes to refuel throughout the day. I also plan to at least discuss other medication options with my therapist and doctor in hopes of finding something that does not lessen my appetite as severely.
As for a time frame, I hope to make substantial progress toward these goals by the time that school lets out - roughly May, or four months from now. From there I wish to maintain and continue to strengthen my body, mind, and will.

Putting it on

jenius08 — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 21:43:08 GMT

I was thinking today about my weight and eating habits. Yesterday some of us went to the YMCA and after I got out of the pool I hopped on their scale, since I basically never have the occasion to weigh myself.

I'm down to 120 pounds. WHAT?
I mean, I've known that my appetite has dropped a lot lately, and my self-esteem has dropped as well so I'm controlling what I eat whenever I'm anxious. But that's a full 15 pounds short of my weight when I was in season last year, all muscly and tough.

So now it begins: I want to put on some weight (physical), dispel my feelings of being "fat" or unattractive (mental), and be more content with what I put in my body and how I treat myself (spiritual-ish). The big hurdle is going to be figuring out how.
I don't think I can invigorate my appetite much more as long as I'm on the Effexor, but I also don't feel that changing medications is an option; I've already learned that I'm hypersensitive to one of the other categories of these drugs, and once you take out MAOIs (no way. they're too much of a pain, that's why they aren't prescribed much) there aren't honestly that many.
Going off of the medication is terrifying to me; I still have days that I wake up wanting to hurt myself or feeling angry or upset or panicky and I'm not going to try dealing with the more intense versions of that without medicine helping my brain to figure itself out.

The idea occurred to me to blog about it - my meals, exercise, etc. - like a weight loss blog, but does anyone REALLY care about people trying to gain weight? I know in the US we focus so much on being fit or skinny that I've gotten teased or jokingly insulted for being too tiny.
Also, I don't really want to run yet another blog, but I don't feel that that stuff should go in with either my internet discoveries (my Tumblr) or spam my current friends here.

Any thoughts?

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (or my car in the Wal-mart parking lot, but whatever)

jenius08 — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 20:51:58 GMT

You know something that I would chalk up as one of the less enjoyable experiences of my life? Walking to Walmart and back from campus in Ohio winter weather freshman year because I didn't have many friends who could drive, and I needed bread so that I could make some stupid PB&J sandwiches to take with me to a track meet over the weekend so that I had enough food to actually fuel me through the day. Now on a grand scale it's not that bad - it doesn't involve death, illness, or getting to a toilet and realizing too late that you don't have toilet paper. But it's frickin' annoying. Let me explain, in case you've yet to experience something like this.

The walk there isn't bad because you're full of energy, and you get there and life is great - the store is warm and bright and people greet you, you get your things and pay. "This is awesome!" You think to yourself. Then you walk back outside to the cold, grey air with your arms loaded down with bags, because you know you went there for bread and chapstick but you came out with those, a box of marked-down donuts, a pack of socks, some gum and probably a puppy in there somewhere too just because. "Whatever," you think, "I'm strong. I'm twisted steel, I can totally take this." And then you start walking and realize that you're already tired out from the walk there. Your coat comes unbuttoned because you're pulling on the fabric with your bags. Your earphones fall out of your ears but your fingers are freezing so you don't want to make your poor ear skin deal with their icicle-like touch. You start thinking about cutting through some lawns to save distance, but then you realize that the snow is over the top of your shoes and you get your feet all wet. You finally get back to your room and pull off your clothes, fall into bed and don't even bother putting things away so now something is probably going to go bad.

So I get a little annoyed when people say that we have a "parking problem" on campus, or that the school should extend the lot behind McReynolds and Whitney. Rainforests, grasslands and rural land are being torn out by the square mile every day already, I'm sure that patch of grass back there can go too, right? And then the forest behind it if we keep expanding and bringing in more students. Nevermind that we likely all have friends who pay $90 and up to park a mile away from their school buildings, or that there are people out there without cars or shoes or school to begin with.

Because of some recent family trouble, I've been very grateful to become the proud driver of a car - it's even got heat and locks and everything! And you know where I park? In the gravel lot. And you know what? When you walk the grass to the back door of Whitney Hall, it probably takes about the same amount of time as coming from the far corner of the back lot, not to mention I worry a whole lot less about someone blocking me in or scraping up my car when they drive back late at night.

And stop parking by Serrick and taking off your parking pass so that you can be mistaken for a visitor. That's just sketchy.

Duckie Gospel #8: Or, We Are All Made of Stars

jenius08 — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 19:16:33 GMT

I've been thinking about submitting some of my more opinion-oriented (less boring-everyday-stuff-type) posts to the school paper.
Sooo if you have a favorite or something you should recommend it, because it's not like I can tell the difference between what's good and what's not when I'm the one writing it.
On to the intended post:

The Bill of Rights gets a pretty bad rap nowadays. If you don't know what I mean, just stick with me for a minute here.
The Bill of Rights was originally written up to be a sign that America was not going to be a tyrannical, manipulative government - it was a sort of "hey, if you'll ratify this we'll clarify that people don't have to get stepped on and censored and assaulted by the government even though it'll have all of these powers we already talked about" offer to allow the Constitution of our country to be ratified and put into effect.

You know what the last time I heard someone refer to one of the first ten amendments was? They had called our president a "Muslim-born commie" in an online forum and when someone told them somewhat politely that, basically, that was a crappy thing to do...the original poster replied that they had a first amendment right to free speech.

Really, guys? Is this what our Bill of Rights, this revolutionary set of amendments that started a whole new and different model of government for our settlers, is used for now? Instead of being a safeguard against governments that can walk into your house, arrest you for a retweet you posted online, and eat your food while they're at it...it's a wimpy excuse for saying whatever we want, disregarding whether or not it makes sense or is hurtful to someone, and then moving on with our lives like other people are robots that we aren't responsible for looking after.

We as a country used to be proud of our Constitution and all of its amendments, and now to me it seems like they're a joke more than anything. Who do you know that has a written copy of its prose on their bookshelf anymore? Who can actually cite me the seventh amendment from memory? An overworked law student perhaps, but probably not the people who have the Big Mac jingle memorized and can name of the top ten hits on the radio today.

And that retweet thing? It's actually happened. So rethink how much (or how little) respect you treat your own country with, because you can always find yourself somewhere worse.

Writer's Block: A real eye opener

jenius08 — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 03:51:57 GMT

The Gospel According to Larry.

It's witty, enlightening, and will make just about everyone feel at least a little bit obligated to maintain the sanctity of our planet.

Top 10 Things I Don't Miss About Being in a National Sorority

jenius08 — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 03:50:29 GMT

1. Hemorrhaging hundreds of dollars a school year that "will come back" to me in terms of activities and merchandise...then never seeing it again because it really goes to dues and fees and bureaucratic junk.

2. Wearing "badge attire" (business dress) to monthly meetings or after every ceremony.

3. Feeling obligated to eat with my sisters at meals instead of my athletic team or other friends.

4. Being hit on by skeezy college guys whenever I wear my letters out on errands because they know I'm a "sorority girl".

5. Having to explain what the letters on my clothes are, what they stand for, and why I chose to join.

6. Correcting people for using the incorrect term for my chapter, or just about any other misconception that we were told to correct in an attempt to clean up the "sorority image".

7. Being told by the national workers that we needed to be better at "accountability" or "responsibility" like I was a five year old, not a college sophomore.

8. Having the national workers lose paperwork or payments, then blame it on me. Better yet, their loss of call records and manuals.

9. Spending hundreds of dollars on a badge when I don't even wear my class ring because I don't like wearing jewelry.

10. Growing to loathe my sisters who were also officers, because every conversation with one of them turned into some task that I had to work on - even if it started out as a simple 'hi, how are you, yeah the weather's great' as we passed each other.