Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing?

You built up a world of magic...

jedispyder — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 07:28:23 GMT

It's been awhile, lot of shit has happened.

Grandma passed away day before Thanksgiving...Thanksgiving was a cluster fuck because of that and plus Bob is still a dick towards mom.

Bryan dropped the a-bomb on me that he wanted me to move into Grandma's house, which she willed to him.

So I am! Holy fuck, wasn't expecting that. Me moving out again, hopefully it won't be as fucked up as the first time I did it.

Today I moved the first bunch of things over, a huge ass box of books. It was at least 24 inches tall and 11x9. Filled with books. Fuck was that heavy, lol!

I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but this year I started writing. I submitted 2 stories earlier in the year to Parsec, a writing contest. As expected I didn't place but they gave me positive reviews. I've wanted to write more recently but haven't sat down and done anything yet. I kinda want to write an addition to Philip K Dick's [u]Eye in the Sky[/u] as if I was one of the novels dramatis personas. Would be interesting to write the world as I see it. Porn encounters would happen but nothing would actually happen, lol.

Today I did something else that was really good, I designed 2 icons/avatars/whatever. Now I know I'm not that great anymore, I'm extremely rusty. But it was fun! They'd been dragging around in my head for a bit, I know there is stuff I could have done to make them better but I'm proud of them:

That's it for now. No clue how much longer it'll be before I post again. Then again I'm sure no one's reading, so meh.

Nothing new, moving on now...

jedispyder — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 06:12:44 GMT

So nothing really new. Well, stuff I could describe but it's not really new. Going through a bit of a depression right now, but what surprise is that? I've been battling depression all my life, not even drugs work. So I'm used to it, and have accepted that my death might eventually be because of said depression.

I want to start writing again, I had a lot of fun doing that. I wrote about 5 short stories towards the middle of the year and they were a blast. Might have to work through some stuff that way ^_^

Discovered a new band, Owl City. Not really a band, mainly just one single guy who gets people to help him out. It's pretty cool, all the songs sound a bit alike but I love the lyrics. Reminds me of Fountains of Wayne + Hellogoodbye + Something Corporate.

Who knows how long it'll be before I update again, but then again I'm sure people really aren't reading this anymore so it's just me putting my life out for the public of none...

jedispyder — Tue, 26 May 2009 05:51:27 GMT

Yep, it's been awhile since an interesting post. Not really interesting stuff going, just me going through life as usual. Dan enlightened me to the fact that I'm actually not "going through the motions" cause there are no "motions" in my life to go, I'm only staying the same track and being the same guy as always. No progress and no turns = no "going through the motions". Shit.

I'm trying to change....or so I keep telling myself. I just don't think I can, I think I'm stuck in this mode of apathy and self-loathing. Ugh.

Senior Design ends in 2 weeks. Hopefully we pass this hellish class. Still no clue when I'll graduate. Thought it was gonna be in the fall quarter but looks like it'll actually be winter quarter. Damn.

This hot girl at work wrote down a shitload of bands she thought I might like. That was like 3 weeks ago. I've been meaning to create a list for her, but haven't. I always think about it...just never do it. I keep telling myself "I'll do it tomorrow" and tomorrow tell myself the exact same thing. Fuck.

So, its been awhile...

jedispyder — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:57:16 GMT

Yep, definitely been awhile since I posted. Not much has been going on besides getting too stressed out at school. I did take a General Chemistry I class at Raymond Walters where there were a shitload of hot girls, I definitely enjoyed that. Sadly next quarter I'm only at my shitty campus with only 1 female in the class, ugh. Plus that class is really fucking up my system, making me stress out too much...

I just want next quarter to be over and done with already, and I haven't even started it yet! When June finally comes around I'll be able to finally relax...

DCI - 7 Months Later

jedispyder — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:53:39 GMT

So back in August I posted this:
Star Wars Miniatures Constructed (as of 2008-08-11)
1647 rating -- 78 matches -- 23 events
470 All -- 388 North America -- 340 United States -- 23 US-Ohio -- 14 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Star Wars Miniatures Limited (as of 2008-08-11)
1619 rating -- 14 matches -- 4 events
319 All -- 258 North America -- 232 United States -- 22 US-Ohio -- 12 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Skip ahead 7 months and I am now:

Star Wars Miniatures Constructed (as of 2009-03-16)
1706 rating -- 138 matches -- 41 events
243 All -- 204 North America -- 174 United States -- 16 US-Ohio -- 9 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Star Wars Miniatures Limited (as of 2009-03-16)
1608 rating -- 31 matches -- 9 events
620 All -- 492 North America -- 445 United States -- 33 US-Ohio -- 15 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

So...yeah, looks like while I did great in Constructed I did horribly in Limited (in fact I lost points doing Limited even though I did 5 events, lol). It'll be interesting to see how I end up a couple months from now...

?

jedispyder — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:38:55 GMT

So how has everyone been? Its been the usual for me, lol. I refound a message board that I helped "build", aka I was there Day 1 helping out but I didn't actually make the website. I lost the MB a couple years back but I'm glad I found them again, definitely a great bunch of people. No clue if any have a LJ or not, but its fun being back with them again. Dan needs to get his ass back on there, he was right there in the beginning with me.

I have been playing a shitload of Facebook games recently. Mob Wars and the World of Blood series are hella fun! I'm almost done with 1 of the World of Blood games, I could finish it today but the last mission totally kicks my ass...

Huh

jedispyder — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:32:00 GMT

I realized that I fucking complain too much. Even now I'm complaining about complaining, lol.

So Whitney's b-day was Friday...I tried to make amends by sending her a message through Facebook wishing her happy b-day and trying to re-friend her. They always say "third time's a charm", but evidently when its friending someone for a third time it isn't cause she sure as hell didn't approve, lol ;) But I realize I need to just let it go, forget about her as much as I can. For some reason I can't and wish I could. Fuck, its been 3 years since we met and over 2 years since I left her. We didn't even fucking make it to either of our birthdays, and I just need to man-up and forget her. Its funny, I never remembered her cell # until after I left her...

My life really is stuck in a rut. I still try to mask myself and give the illusion that I'm happy, but truthfully I'm not all that happy. Obviously I'm annoyed that I complain too much, but I'm more annoyed at how alone I feel all the time. Meh, that's life...

One thing I am happy about is that I finally left my pysch. Its been 4-5 months since I had a visit with her and I'm glad to be gone. In the end it was a whole song and dance routine, IMO. I'd bitch about work cause there was nothing else I wanted to talk about cause she just wasn't helping. So I'm at least happy I've got that out of my life...

On a totally random note, one more week until the new Jack's Mannequin cd comes out. Excited!

GenCon

jedispyder — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:51:39 GMT

So I just got back from 4 intense days of gaming at GenCon, lol. I played some 29 Star Wars Minis "official" matches and won about 14 of those. I'm interested to see how my DCI rating changes after GenCon with so many players there, so I'll record what it is now and what it will be when its updated:

Star Wars Miniatures Constructed (as of 2008-08-11)
1647 rating ------ 78 matches ------ 23 events
470 All ------ 388 North America ------ 340 United States ------ 23 US-Ohio ------ 14 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Star Wars Miniatures Limited (as of 2008-08-11)
1619 rating ------ 14 matches ------ 4 events
319 All ------ 258 North America ------ 232 United States ------ 22 US-Ohio ------ 12 Cincinnati-Hamilton, OH-KY-IN

Dreams sure are weird...

jedispyder — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:56:11 GMT

So, whats new everyone?

I had this really fucked up dream last night, lol. Think it was becuase I got too much sleep, one of those weird ones.

It was a Thursday night and I was off work for some reason, not sure why. I thought it was a Wednesday so that was weird. I ended up going downtown but it ended up a small quant town that kinda sorta reminded me of Romania. I ended up running into this temp from work that is on dayshift that I like and we talked briefly. Or something like that, I know she ended up there eventually. I thought it was weird cause she's usually only off on Fridays. Well ending up I go to this coffeehouse only to find it boarded up. Then I realized the building next to it is where my old-psychiatrist is (yes, I stopped going to my psychiatrist, felt it wasn't working anymore). Then I walk around and somehow get in a small fight with this guy selling stuff and one of us hits the other, can't remember. I end up having to buy something from him and it was Uncanny X-Men 214 with a different cover. I don't think I was happy with having to buy it, but the fucker pissed me off already. I look at my watch and decide to leave. Suddenly the landscape turns into a small college campus. I head to my car and end up walking with the girl I have a crush on. For some reason we have the same car and we can face each other when we get in. Can't remember exactly what happens next, but I do remember thinking I was going to late for Mavericks and I'm never late for Mavericks so I begin to speed. Eventually I run a red light that I try not to, but it was at the last second that I realize there is a light there and I can't stop. This truck then starts coming after me with cop lights. I keep going hoping not to get pulled over but I end up do. But as I'm pulling over to the side all these other cars are pulling over to the side. In fact, the make me go into the grass near a downward hill cause so many people are pulling over. So I'm stuck sitting in my car pissed at getting pulled over when a cop comes up to talk to me. Ending up I wasn't pulled over for speeding, but for some accident that some other lady caused. She said I'd be charged $500 for every something-or-other that the lady gets charged. I walk out with the other people getting charged this and I'm quite pissed. I end up running into a friend from work who got pulled over as well and he's not happy. Then for some reason I look out to see where I am and notice I'm near a bridge and there is a river with fancy buildings across the shore. Someone is (saving, lowering) someone else down off a building so its kinda weird. My friend and I then talk around and somehow there is an ice cream stand across the road. And for some strange reason that ice cream stand also sells equipment to canoe in the river, lol! My friend and I are looking at the ice cream and someone gives me a sample that is the size of a regular scoop. My friend starts talking about some picture they have of him from "way back when" where he was still smoking. Then someone else gives me a sample the size of a scoop of the ice cream I am already still sampling. I'm trying to decide what to get when I realize its Thursday so I'm not gonna be late for Mavericks. Then I totally don't remember the ending.

Fucked up, eh? Best part, of course, was seeing the girl I have a crush on. Everything else was just fucking crazy, heh...

jedispyder — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:34:13 GMT

Like Joss Whedon? Like Nathan Fillion? Like Neil Patrick Harris? Like weird stuff? Don't like weird stuff? Just click the fucking link either way!!!

Sex and the City

jedispyder — Fri, 30 May 2008 07:24:06 GMT

So it wasn't until the last 6 months or so that I got into Sex and the City...but god damn its a great show. I think it took only a month (or less) to watch the whole series. Totally love the show. And I just got back from the midnight (11:59 actually) showing of it. I was expecting it to be a majority of females...but holy shit was it packed with females! Its kinda sad, that one theatre had more girls in it than my whole college campus. Its quite sad, lol! No wonder I have no love life, I have no access %_% But the movie was great, really enjoyed it. Then again, Whitney once described me as "the gayest straight friend she ever knew". Right now I'm suffering from a huge sugar high which has lead to the inevitable nostalgia of Whitney and me wondering why I can't get over her since its been almost 2 years since I walked away...

Indy 4

jedispyder — Sat, 24 May 2008 04:24:27 GMT

So I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls...at least I think its the title. I just prefer Indy 4, lol. I caught the 11:59 PM showing Wednseday night. Not bad, not bad at all. Not giving any spoilers, but I felt it was like Indy had a love child with X-Files and this was the result. It reminded me of the old Indy's, but it was also different. And the last 30 minutes or so completely channeled my love of X-Files. And I swear I heard Shia LaBouf say his name was "Mudd" and not "Mutt". Its sad that I didn't find out his name until I looked at IMDb, lol...

And the season finale for Grey's Anatomy was quite good, very neat stuff tied up. Even though it was a shortened season it still had a nice ending. Didn't expect the hookups that happened and might happen...next season is gonna be killer.

I'm glad I discovered online TV. Its so much easier for me since I work most nights, I miss all the good shows. Before I had to wait until they came out DVD, not anymore! Just wish the stations would put all the episodes for the season online. After watching the old series Invasion from 04 (great fucking series) I wanted to watch Reaper for Tyler Labine...but no, The CW only has 4 episodes online. So I'll have to wait until it comes out on DVD. But I finally got to watch Arrested Development thanks to Blockbuster...so fucking awesome. Thats all I have to say...

Boo...

jedispyder — Sun, 18 May 2008 15:44:58 GMT

Don't you hate when you have those dreams that are so real you think it actually happened? I had a dream last night that Whitney finally forgave me for what I did and allowed me to come back to her. For some reason she also gave me my first kissed, and I remembered thinking "there was nothing special about that, why does everyone think kissing is so great?" Weird dream, and of course upon waking up all I feel is depressed since I know things will never be good with us. I'm trying really hard to let her go...I just can't. Being with her for those measly 7 months was the best time of my life, I finally had someone that mostly understood me. Now its almost 2 years since I left her and anytime I try to talk with her she never responds. I haven't tried since telling her on Valentines Day to go to "Definitely, Maybe" since it was a movie I know she'd love. I was tempted to text her last night and tell her to go see "Made of Honor" (which is where the kiss in my dreams came from, I guess). I decided not to, don't know if I can handle any rejection at the moment...

jedispyder — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:30:58 GMT

So, what's up? Am I missing anything?

I just had an asshole try to trade me a $33 Star Wars Miniature for $75 worth of Star Wars Miniatures. It was hard for me to not actually call him an asshole and tell him to go fuck himself, lol. I decided to take the civilized route and break it down why I won't trade him $75 worth of minis but instead $31 worth of minis. I'm eagerly awaiting his response to my statement ^_^ He's tried this with me several times, and each time I laugh at it. Its a running joke with the guys I play miniatures with as to how bad he really is at offering stuff. Somehow he's done over 100 trades, so we just guess he's taking advantage of other people like he tried with me and they don't fight back. Sure, I really need that figure, but its not worth over double the price.

Singles Awareness Day...Survived!

jedispyder — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 06:19:42 GMT

So I survived another crappy Singles Awareness Dday. Definitely not a bad one. Easy way of deciding that is I didn't A) have my wisdom teeth taken out like 5 years ago (yet someone at work did, ouch) or B) didn't have plans with a single friend only for it to turn into her first date with someone else like 2 years ago. So I'd say I came out pretty good, lol. I didn't get to do what I truly wanted to do, which I saw in a comic 2 years ago. Basically you take a shitload of sleeping pills throughout the day, waking up only to take another. You sleep the day away, which I would have loved to do.

I saw the movie Definite, Maybe and have to say it was truly a fucking masterpiece. I don't know, just the combo charm of Abigal Breslen and Ryan Reynolds along with Elizabeth Banks and Isla Fischer made it awesome. Towards the end when the story ends and we find out who her mother is, I was crying like the bitch I am ^_^ And I cried even more when I found out the movie didn't end there, it still had a huge twist coming. Its a must see for any Hopeless Romantics like me, heh.

Plus I was able to continue my tradition of watching the Buffy episode "Bothered, Bewildered, and Bewitched" (damn I never get that title right, lol). I think I missed the last 2 years watching, not sure exactly. Try not to think about 2 years ago and last year can't remember a damn thing.

Even though it fucking sucks to say it, I hope Whitney had a good day. I texted her yet again, this time saying she needs to see Definitely, Maybe since its a movie we'd have enjoyed, yet as usual no response. So that makes probably the 10th text with no return. Truly hope she's doing good, just wish I could get my cowardly ass to just call her instead of texting. I don't want to be "that guy"......gonna try to stop now =o/

So how was everyone else's V-Day or SA-D?

Anything new?

jedispyder — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:58:23 GMT

Anything new with anyone?

Main new thing for me is I plugged in my old SNES and began playing it again. Its hella fun until your game gets erased =o/ I started with Super Mario World, was about to finish the penultimate level...and poof! I jerked the cable wrong and my screen went sand-colored. Next thing I know my game has been erased. Booo! So I switched to Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past instead. Love that game!

Anyone read the finale to Y: The Last Man? I cried like a little bitch halfway through it, lol. Such a great damn series...

And tonight we finally finished a bitch of a study, so I'm exicited to see that hellish beast gone...

I'm 2 quarters and a heart down...

jedispyder — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 08:33:51 GMT

I wonder to myself a lot whether I'm ever going to be emotionally available to a girl. Seriously, I'm already socially enept lol!

Here's what I mean by socially enept: I have an old high school friend I know that works at a Best Buy. I like to go there every once in awhile and see what sales they have going on, passing most up and then regretting it the week after. This friend I had works with the cameras and stuff, and I see her there all the time. Yet I never actually go up and talk with her. I'm about to, and then I decide to hold off for a bit. Then I decide to just wait by the computer games and think it through. What really do I have to say? "I'm the usual depressed guy from back in high school, just more fucked up now." Or do I lie with a straight face? "I'm doing fine, lovin life." Then I start to feel awkward about the maybe-possibly-situation and just walk away...

Thats how I always am. Hell, Whitney had to drag me to most of the stuff we did. Half I only did becuase it was with her and I could care less about what it was. But I wonder if I truly am socially enept, to the point where all I do is become an awkward mess? All I then think about is how that is what my dad is, and its what I don't want to be, but am I destined anyway? Can I escape destiny?

Sometimes I don't think so, which is why I prefer to be alone most times. When I'm by myself I can do whatever I please. Don't have to worry about anything or anyone. So I contemplate the age old question, am I worth saving? No, that is not a "life or death/suicide" question. Its an "am I ever truly gonna be ok? am I ever gonna actually have a social life that doesn't involve me narrating my thoughts?"

Movies 2008

jedispyder — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 05:30:42 GMT

001. (01/02) P.S. I Love You
002. (01/09) One Missed Call
003. (01/16) Cloverfield
004. (01/18) Mad Money
005. (01/20) 27 Dresses
006. (01/20) Bucket List
007. (01/27) Untraceable
008. (01/27) Meet the Spartans
009. (02/02) Strange Wilderness
010. (02/02) Over Her Dead Body
011. (02/10) Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkens
012. (02/10) Fool's Gold
013. (02/14) Definitely, Maybe
014. (02/17) The Eye
015. (02/17) The Spiderwick Chronicles
016. (02/20) Jumper
017. (02/24) Be Kind Rewind
018. (02/24) Vantage Point
019. (02/27) Charlie Bartlett
020. (03/01) Semi-Pro
021. (03/16) Never Back Down
022. (03/16) 10,000 B.C.
023. (03/23) Drillbit Taylor
024. (03/23) Doomsday
025. (03/30) 21
026. (03/30) Stop-Loss
027. (04/02) Run, Fat Boy, Run
028. (04/13) Prom Night
029. (04/13) Smart People
030. (04/18) Forgetting Sarah Marshall
031. (04/26) Deception
032. (04/27) Baby Mama
033. (04/27) Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
034. (05/01) Iron Man
035. (05/03) Forgetting Sarah Marshall
036. (05/07) My Bluberry Nights
037. (05/07) The Life Before Her Eyes
038. (05/17) Made of Honor
039. (05/18) Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
040. (05/18) What Happens in Vegas
041. (05/21) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
042. (05/29) Sex and the City
043. (06/08) You Don't Mess with the Zohan
044. (06/08) Kung Fu Panda
045. (06/11) The Strangers
046. (06/12) The Incredible Hulk
047. (06/13) The Happening
048. (06/22) The Love Guru
049. (06/22) Get Smart
050. (06/26) Wanted
051. (07/02) Hancock
052. (07/13) Hellboy 2
053. (07/17) Dark Knight
054. (07/27) X-Files: I Want To Believe
055. (07/27) Step Brothers
056. (08/03) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
057. (08/03) Swing Vote
058. (08/05) Pineapple Express
059. (08/12) Tropic Thunder
060. (08/16) Star Wars: The Clone Wars
061. (08/20) Star Wars: The Clone Wars
062. (08/27) Hamlet 2
063. (08/31) College
064. (08/31) Babylon A.D. or House Bunny
065. (09/17) Burn After Reading
066. (09/21) My Best Friend's Girl
067. (09/21) House Bunny or Babylon A.D.
068. (09/24) Sex Drive
069. (09/28) Choke
070. (10/05) Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
071. (10/05) How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
072. (10/12) Quarantine
073. (10/12) City of Ember
074. (10/19) W
075. (10/26) Saw V
076. (10/31) Zack & Miri Make a Porno
077. (11/07) Role Models
078. (11/13) Quantum of Solace
079. (11/23) Twilight
080. (11/25) Synecdoche, NY
081. (11/25) Rachel Getting Married
082. (11/30) Four Christmases
083. (11/30) Changeling
084. (12/09) Zack & Miri Make a Porno
085. (12/14) Punisher
086. (12/14) The Day the Earth Stood Still

So its been quite awhile since I've updated, lol. As you can see, I totally don't know which week I saw House Bunny or Babylon A.D., lol. That happens when you see as many as I do. I doubt I'll be able to hit 100 before the end of the year, but I know damn sure I'm gonna hit 90 with the next couple days ;)

You visit me in my dreams...

jedispyder — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 04:35:11 GMT

So...its been a long while, huh? This seems to be a pattern on all my journals.

I guess the reason is my life is comprised of nothing new. The only real new thing is I'm playing Star Wars minis full time again and I've started to dabble in Heroclix.

I'm still hung up over Whitney. She still doesn't know why I left a year and a half ago =o/ She has a couple ideas I've heard from Devine, but none are correct. I've tried contacting her through texts but nothing has come of that. I may end up sending the letter I've been working on from my other journal since May. Slowly I think I'm forgetting her, which I guess it good. Just wish she and I could be back to good...

Nothing new at work. It has its ups and downs, but I enjoy it (especially where I spend some of my Saturdays reading the whole day, lol).

"There's a piece of me in every single second of every single day"

jedispyder — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 17:25:57 GMT

So...seems I've been a bit absent from here, lol.

Basically I've just been really fucking busy with worth. I've been going in anywhere between 3:30 and 4:00 but not getting out until around midnight (or later, took me until 12:30 last night). So basically my days have been dominated with work work work work. How fun?

Some interesting news, I finally got my own car! My previous car fucking died on me back in late January and found out it was completely dead. So it took me until this month to get one, its a 2003 Ford Taurus with only 44K miles, got it for $8.7K or so. Not too bad, already paid off half my loan.

Yeah, so looking back it seems I forgot to mention that my mom got married again in February. Yay for her...

I've really been getting into the Masters of Horror dvds, they're frickin great! Anyone else watching them? I've seen about 6 so far, can't wait to see some more. Pretty fucked up stuff ^_^ One of my favs is Pick Me Up, its not so much horror as suspense/thriller.

The new Harry Potter book fucking kicked ass, I thought it was awesome. I also thought it was torture they released it on a Saturday when my Saturday's are reserved for work and coming home to crash. I waited in line for the book (I'm a geek, you know that). I'm currently re-reading the series again, I'm in the middle of Book 1.

And, of course, I still think about Whitney all the fucking time. I had the 2nd dream last night that I still lived with her but didn't like her and had to avoid her. I wonder if thats what would have happened if I had stayed? Either way I've contemplated writing a letter to her explaining what really happened a year ago. I don't want to start anything up again, I know I definitely don't have time to spend with her. I'd like to, but I know it would just drain me if I did. I just wish I could laugh with her again sometime...

Thats all for now. Who knows when I'll be back next...

jedispyder — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:43:38 GMT

Why do I have to miss her so much? This is the first time I've really seen her in awhile, and it hurts to not be able to talk with her. She was the best thing to ever happen to me and I threw it away with the snap of my fingers...

jedispyder — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:02:48 GMT

So I'm pretty pissed. I just bought the new Avril Lavigne cd only to find out its the edited version because the only way to get the uncensored version is to buy some cd/dvd combo for $20. What the fuck?!?! I don't want this edited shit, I want the real stuff. God damn I am so pissed off at this. And I probably can't return it because I opened it. They'd probably make me return it for the exact same piece of shit cd. Edited is a lie to the listeners, especially when its not marketed as edited. FUCK does this suck...

On the other hand...long time no update! Works been hella crazy, just using it to try and still forget Whitney. No such luck yet, still think about her every day and wonder how she's doing. Haven't heard from her since December of last year. I decided not to cut my hair and now wear it in a ponytail. Its been about a year and 2 months since I last got it cut, its pretty fucking long (down to my shoulders). I'm basically just going through the motions...

jedispyder — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 06:39:43 GMT

So I got promoted. I'm not a supervisor (technical title for now is "research associate" but thats what all supervisors start out as). I'm making some pretty damn good money for a 22 year old without a degree. Its gonna be interesting to see how well my sanity can handle it, this quater's school schedule is definitely a bit fucked up. But I'm glad I got the position. Basically it was a sure-shot (according to everyone), but you never know in the end. I'm proud that I took the iniative to try and get it instead of just sitting back and not trying. I've definitely changed in the last year and a half, some for the better and some for the worse.

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, on whether I miss Whitney for Whitney or whether I miss Whitney for what she represented. I'm still on the edge of reason, and probably will be for awhile. Oh well...

Now I hope to dream of the past, of a time of ignorance. Night all...

jedispyder — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 11:31:16 GMT

Why is nostalgia such a bitch?

jedispyder — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:56:43 GMT

So I got some really great news yesterday: one of my supervisors was fired! Everyone wanted it to happen, but no one expected it to actually happen this quick with really no indication. He was such a fuck-off, always sleeping on the job or surfing the net instead of doing work, kinda glad he's gone. As a person he was nice to talk with, but as a co-worker I hated working with him.

And to celebrate, I decided to mix up a weird drink, basically my first mixed drink in 7 months. I took some milk and candy canes, heated them up and then put in lots of rum (the real rum, not the spiced kind) and then some sugar and cocoa. Yeah, I have to agree with my friend that rum is the devil! I didn't puke like him, but I still feel a little sickish since I drank it (8 hours ago). I'll just stick to vodka for mixed drinks, which I probably won't be getting in a loooong time but still. Blech, lol.