I have recently tripled my productivity.

I can hear you now.

Jain, how? Your life is filled to bloody bursting! Tell me what magic potion you have discovered. Well woman, what’s ya formula?

Great question. You have a curious aura. I like that.

What if I told you that I have uncovered an entirely new meal? After hours of research, my team and I have identified a gap in my day where I could habit stack my nutrition. A meal that comes before my first packet of crisps at 1pm but after my crate of 39p energy drinks.

No, you’re lying! Troublemaker! Devil! Kill her!

People always attack what they do not understand. Somebody thinks a little outside the box and society turns on them. Same old story. Now I know how Jesus felt.

But before you literally crucify me, think about it. When you wake up, your body has been without sustenance for hours. Now, I’m not questioning the nourishment gained from your mango vape, no one is disputing that, but imagine if you were able to turbo-charge this using something as simple as food.

Ah, now you’re listening.

Using the humble boiled egg I have been able to supplement my daily Alka-Seltzer, launching me into an action packed morning of plunging my face into ice water, taking tape off my mouth and watching the stock market crash as I scream and thrash about.

I call this new meal “morning fuel up time™”. Write “fuel like a winner” in the comments to get my meal plan completely free, after you send me your National Insurance number.

Since food maxing, I have flourished. I can now do three push ups and remember to brush my teeth most mornings. I look back at my old life and stand amazed. Who was that woman?

I hardly recognise her.