the pull of the moon

Father Knows Best

jackiejunior — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:41:10 GMT

I actually just spat tea all over my Macbook.

Alex: "What's Jagermeister?"
Phil: "Well, you know how in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? This is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

OMG, MODERN FAMILY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

(Gotta get get!)

jackiejunior — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:55:25 GMT

BOOM BOOM POW!

PS: I wrote in WET CEMENT today. Dream come true!

It's E-RAWN, though I'm even willing to accept E-Ran at this point.

jackiejunior — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:24:08 GMT

Pet Peeve of the Moment/Of LIFE:

You'd think after all the media attention of late, people would finally get that the country's name isn't pronounced "Eye-Ran" and yet, they are still saying it.

GRAAAAH. People! On behalf of Iranians everywhere, I have one thing to say to you: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

"Pleeeeease add that to your own Facebook Quotes! RIGHT NOW!"

jackiejunior — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:44:10 GMT

"It's like...Kevin Drew went to Sneaky Dee's to dance. And then he went into the bathroom to take a dump, and he shat out five guys, and they were Still Life Still."

- me, trying to describe Still Life Still's music and general douche-y existence to frances_rain and marrasia

Every once in a while, I unintentionally make poetry with words, and then after it's done, I take a moment to celebrate my own brilliance. This is one of those moments.

Oh, Alberta.

jackiejunior — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:13:20 GMT

Reason #78650 why I don't live in Alberta?

So much about this is insulting and WRONG, that I don't even know where to start, so I'll start with this:

But the government had been largely immoveable. For weeks, the minister responsible for enshrining parental rights and protecting gay rights has said little will change at the end of the day.

``This will come to pass, (and) you guys will forget about this in another month,'' Culture Minister Lindsay Blackett told reporters last week. ``Talk to me in a year.''

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I am offended and horrified on every level - and in every way - possible.

Oh my god, a rubber!

jackiejunior — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:44:42 GMT

Earlier today, at the library: a gaggle of 16 year old boys are gathered around a computer, when suddenly, their friend runs up to them holding a brown paper bag. He dumps the contents onto a nearby chair, and before I can ask myself "why is this boy-child throwing his lunch on the couch?" I realize that it's FULL OF CONDOMS!

His friends gather around and start rifling through the rubbers, while he exclaims "I'm gonna tell her I got 24 condoms, and if I don't use one tonight, I'm dumpin' her ass!"

I know I shouldn't have laughed, but COME ON! It was hilarious.

(TWENTY FOUR condoms? Seriously? And the best/worst part was how excited his friends were to help him choose one.)

"Stacy Merkin is a fucking cunt."

jackiejunior — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:07:46 GMT

1. I am very intrigued!!! Even though it's SO NOT THE SAME as the real thing...ohmygod, I think I need one of these! Immediately!

2. Dear Shane McCutcheon, how/WHY are you so hot? I do not understand! Please stop; you are killing me!

3. It's 2 AM. Why am I still awake?

Gas price remedy, take the 4-3 Kennedy.

jackiejunior — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:06:43 GMT

OMG. IT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-Ky7dQLuNg

THIS IS ART! I can't stop watching.

Gimme a record, and I'll break it.

jackiejunior — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:30:22 GMT

MADONNA IS GLORIOUS! OMG OMG OMG!

More details to come tomorrow. Now, I shall have sweet, sweet dreams of drag queens in cone bras and blonde wigs, gay men in muscle shirts, and fabulous, wonderful, amazing Madge.

Congratulations to our dark horse candidate who didn't seem to have a chance.

jackiejunior — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:14:03 GMT

but still sometimes I can't believe you're real
it's just that I've got diamonds in my eyes for you

Yeaaaaaaaah.

Overheard in Toronto

jackiejunior — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 02:48:56 GMT

Where: Dundas Street, Toronto
When: earlier today
What: conversation between two AMAZING human beings walking directly behind me

GIRL (to her friend): "I have this friend who's a Jew Black, and he has one girlfriend who is white and Jewish, and another girlfriend who is Black and not Jewish, and he doesn't know which one to pick!"

1) WHAT A TERRIBLE DILEMMA!
2) "Jew Black"? Ohmygod, for real?

This love isn't good unless it's me and you.

jackiejunior — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:59:32 GMT

Maybe it's old age, or simply that I do not have the patience for bullshit these days, but lately, I've been finding myself becoming increasingly irritated by the following types of people:

1) spoiled brats who have no issues taking advantage of their parents' advice/resources/money even as they're moving into adulthood and should be embracing independence, but at the same time, complain that their parents treat them like children

2) vapid, self-absorbed 20-somethings who spend half their time taking ridiculous pictures of themselves and posting them on Facebook only to have their equally self-absorbed, vain friends compliment them on how "gorgeous" they are, and the other half dreaming about the OMGCUTEBOYS they wish to date/blow/marry...and then complain that they hate living in a world where no one sees them as Strong Independent Women

Morons of the world, please GROW UP or SHUT THE FUCK UP. (Or, preferably, both!)

I'm not always this cranky, I swear.

Randomly - and very much unrelated to the above - if I am ever told that I am allowed to listen to one song and one song alone for the rest of my life, I want it to be this one (Outer Inner and Secret, Do Make Say Think). For realz, it never fails to kill me.

I love carbs.

jackiejunior — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:25:19 GMT

I had forgotten how delicious rice cakes were.

Excuse me can I please talk to you for a minute? Uh huh, sure. You know, you look kinda familiar.

jackiejunior — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 06:01:41 GMT

I just trimmed down my Friends list a bit. If I cut you, it's either because we don't really "talk" very often anymore, or I feel that we don't have a whole lot in common. The main reason, though, is that life is going to be busy these next few months, and I simply won't have time to keep up with a billion* people's journals...and I feel guilty when I am a neglectful LJ-friend. So, as everybody's favourite 90s RnB-popster Monica likes to say, don't take it personaaaaaal!

...Oh my gosh, that reminds me: I had completely forgotten how AWESOME "The Boy Is Mine" was.

"But I just wanted to know, do you know somebody named...oh, you know his name."
"Oh yeah, definitely. I know his name!"

*Slight exaggeration. I never had a billion friends. I am not Tila Tequila.

Now if anyone wants to help me pay off my student loans, I won't say no.

jackiejunior — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:24:58 GMT

Remember this and this? And how both times, I said I was DONE DONE DONE, but I wasn't really?

Well, guess what?

THIS TIME I'M DONE DONE DONE FO' REALZ! Seriously. I'm finished with teacher's college! I'm finished with university! I'm finished with being a full-time student!

In other words, I'M FREE!

Goodbye, student life! Hello, ~~unemployment~~ real life!

Maybe the lining of a winter's coat mightn't be the best place to hide a summer secret.

jackiejunior — Mon, 26 May 2008 20:18:14 GMT

So, I have this friend who has tickets to see Madonna in October. I'm, like, totally jealous of said friend! I mean, WOW! Madonna in concert? That would totally be the best time ever, even if the tickets were super expensive and Hard Candy kind of sucks. WHO CARES? It's Madonna! Wow, I wish I was the one with tickets to this show!

OH WAIT A MINUTE. I just remembered: it's not my FRIEND who is going to be seeing Madonna in concert! IT'S ME!!!

I KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS, BITCHES! (AS YOU SHOULD BE!) DON'T DENY!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

In other, awesome news, Los Campesinos! remain the cutest, gayest little things ever, and their sold out show at Lee's Palace on Friday night was a total DANCE PARTY complete with ~~gross~~ badly dressed scene adults who - in typical scene fashion - lacked all sense of rhythm. (Okay, so the drunken, disgusting scene adults were actually not so awesome, but LC! were so fab that it didn't even matter.)

Aaaand...I had yet another super awesome weekend, but I suspect I may have eaten too much. (That's just the way I roll!) Mmmmm, foods!

That is all for now.

(MADONNA MADONNA MADONNA.)

I fell in love with that feeling.

jackiejunior — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 04:32:55 GMT

I wrote a story!

"Once upon a time, March Break 2008 happened, and it was THE BEST TIME EVER!!!"

The end.

Ghostwriter, what a trip!

jackiejunior — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:54:02 GMT

(I am all about the Youtube videos lately.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ajAAJ5h_o0I

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BREATHE!

In much less hilarious news, I have to be at the dentist in a little over nine hours. Noooooooooo! Pray for me (Paul Henderson)!

All you need is positivity.

jackiejunior — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 04:33:36 GMT

Spring in February > Winter in February.
+1 degree(s?) Celsius is VERY GOOD TIMES.

Basically, I am pretty pleased as punch with all things life-related at the moment. I will say more at a later date and time. For now, I will share some hot tunez.

1) You Turned My Head Around
2) White Horses
3) Knives From Bavaria
4) Moonshot

DEAN AND BRITTA = EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IN MY LIFE THESE DAYS!!!

Agent Michael Scarn's Pearls of Wisdom: Exhibit A

jackiejunior — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:24:50 GMT

FINALLY SOMEONE GETS ME!

"Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods; I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around - A/C. And I don't need wide open spaces. [proudly points out computer monitor with a picture of the Grand Canyon on his desktop] I can also make it the sky."
-Michael Scott, The Office

He is my homeboy.

Calvin Johnson never meant anything to me.

jackiejunior — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:32:22 GMT

!!!!!

I just booked my flight for an actual, real vacation in April! Yay! THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING. I'm so excited!

Also: I haven't had a latte in almost a full week. This is huge for me, and I am going to put an end to it right now.

Are you as good as I remember, baby? Get it on! Get it on!

jackiejunior — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 06:05:46 GMT

1) I can't stop listening to/thinking about/longing for Spice Girls.
2) I love Spice Girls.
3) I need more Spice Girls.

Sigh. Sadness! Emo! Withdrawal!

But I FINALLY HAVE PICTURES! It took hours (or maybe just one) to go through the 400+ photos and delete the ones that sucked, and even longer to actually edit the good ones, but it's finally done!

Click on each thumbnail to see the full-sized picture or GO HERE for the full set. There are 18 pictures in total, and I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised with how some of them turned out. I love my camera!

I've watched my videos a billion times. None of them are worth uploading, but I probably will upload them eventually just because they amuse me (you can clearly here me and Tina screaming in the background throughout most of them).

In the meantime, I'm linking you to my four current favourite Spice Tour videos. None of these are from either Toronto show, but they're essentially the same. (Though some of the costumes have changed a fair bit since the beginning of the tour in Vancouver, and I think the ladiez have gotten much better at remembering their cues. (BWAH! Geri and Victoria seem to mess up or completely forget every second dance step in some of the vids from the shows back in December. Hilarious. But luckily for them they're usually surrounded by so many other people ~~actual dancers!~~ on stage that it's not that noticeable.))

http://youtube.com/watch?v=m-aoAjGdZLo

This was my second favourite part of the whole night (after Who Do You Think You Are), mainly because it's actually awesome, but also because I was killing myself laughing at some of the "multiculturalism." Tina and I were especially amazed at the attempt at an Irish jig. Beautiful! This is from the encore, right before the big finish - they opened with Spice Up Your Life and then did a slightly different version of it (which would be this one right here) at the end of the show while flags of all kinds of countries the Spice Girls have never been to and probably never will be to flashed up on the screens behind them. I guess it was supposed to represent how they're, like, travelling the world and spreading their Spice-y cheer to everyone, everywhere. Nevermind the very important fact that they're really only touring in, like, four and a half countries or whatever.

Regardless, the United Nations Dance Party was inspired, and it brought tears (of laughter) to my eyes.

Then there's these two: Oh, Victoria! and OH, GERI! Comedy gold, both of the intentional and unintentional variety. (crankygeek, WATCH THE SECOND ONE. You will love it!) I've already expressed my feelings about Victoria's solo, but WOW, Geri did not disappoint with hers. Ohmygod, she's so delightfully campy. When I grow up, I want to be Geri Halliwell.

Finally...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gijxz5fJaV0

CLASSY! I had forgotten this song existed, and didn't recognize it until they got to the chorus and I found myself singing along. (I tried really hard to ignore everything immediately following the Goodbye era because I very firmly believed that Spice Girls without Geri isn't really Spice Girls at all, but some sad, broken down imitation. But this was pretty damn sweet.) The men on leashes are a nice touch, wouldn't you agree?

In non-Spice news, I just realized that I can now upload 122 icons, as opposed to the 117 I used to have. Sa-weet! I remember the days of 50 icon limits. Rough times.

"AN INCREDIBLY SHARP ARCTIC COLD FRONT IS NOW RACING ACROSS SOUTHERN ONTARIO"

jackiejunior — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:29:01 GMT

Why why why why why why WHY is Mother Nature pure evil? Why does winter exist? Why do I live here???

When I went to bed, it was 6 degrees, now it's 5 degrees below zero (okay, so that's not technically all that cold, BUT...) and there's STRONG WIND and FLASH FREEZE WARNINGS. (Note to Environment Canada: I do not appreciate your ALL-CAPS. Stop trying to scare me. ~~It's working.~~)

My favourite part is this: VERY STRONG WINDS WITH GUSTS OF 100 KM/H IN MANY AREAS TODAY. Yeah. I kind of figured as much even before I turned on my computer to check the weather. Want to know how I knew? I knew because I could hear the branches of the tree that are NOWHERE NEAR MY WINDOW rustling against my window ALL NIGHT LONG.

I said it before and I'll say it again: HUMAN BEINGS WERE NOT MEANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS. I'm so excited to walk to school AND RISK DEATH.

ETA: OMG, I WAS GOING TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING TODAY BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO FOOD IN MY FRIDGE. NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO. WHAT IF THIS CONTINUES FOR DAYS AND DAYS? I'M GOING TO STARVE! (I'm especially melodramatic early in the morning.)

Git out ma face!

jackiejunior — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:41:29 GMT

Woooooooooooow! I didn't think it was possible that he could top the first video, but clearly I was wrong. I am stunned.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UfCmYyG-yg4

THOUGHTS:
1. His ringtone is Crank That! HAHA.
2. Best. Phone Convo. Ever! Okay, next person who calls me is going to hear a dismissive 'YAHHH!' and then a dial tone. For real, someone call me! I'll do it.
3. I still can't get over the fact that his sidekick's name is Arab.
4. YAHHH! YAHHH! YAHHH!
5. I have to say I am kind of confused about the distinction between "YUUAA!" and "YAHHH!" I mean, how do you know when to use which one?
6. Seriously, am I the only one who is deeply concerned about this kid's speech impediment? And maybe you got all Fs in school because you CAN'T ACTUALLY SPEAK ENGLISH.
7. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He went to the teacher and demanded that he be marked up from a bunch of Fs to...Ds?! I'M DYING! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! He might actually be the stupidest human being alive.
8. Those last ten seconds were made for you, respectmyright.
9. The PSA makes me a little sad. (A while ago, his Wikipedia page claimed he dropped out of school in grade four (GRADE FOUR! Is that even legal?) to pursue music. His profile has since been updated and this little tidbit has been omitted, but I've been secretly hoping that it was true.)
10. Will this ever stop being funny to me?
11. I need a Soulja Boy icon.

In conclusion, this is the second best thing this kid has ever done. The first best is this, of course! (I dare you to watch that and not pee your pants laughing.)

"Like di! Like da!" Why does he talk ~~like that~~ like da?!

-

Addendum!

Urban Dictionary clears it up for me: Yuuaa! vs Yahhh! (LOLOLOLOLOL.) But now I'm wondering why he sings "YAHHH! GIT OUT MA FACE!" I mean, isn't that kind of redundant?

I am almost certain Hell has frozen over, and I'm living in it.

jackiejunior — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 02:52:16 GMT

ighuigbrdkygibvldkjdslfuckfuckfuck ANGRY EXPLETIVES! THIS WEATHER IS BAD TIMES.

(I swear, part of me wishes I didn't love this country so much, so that I could jump on a plane to a place where winter does not exist (Florida, New Zealand, Ethiopia - any one would do at this point!)...AND I'D NEVER COME BACK.)