Stupid..Stupid..

Against my better judgement..I went to the Founders Day Festival with my roomie. It was very hot. We started to converse..but I was abruptly was told that I was interrupting his words. He had started to tell his story and it reminded me of something and I was like..oh ya..I ..blah blah blah..but he didnt like that. He said..I do believe I was talking and you interrupted me. Well yes maybe..but did you have to say it like that? I was like WTF?? Isnt a conversation..more than one person communicating??? Cause when he speaks..its like a fuckin PLAY..it takes forever!! Anyway..

I had told him in the begining that maybe it was better if we used two cars. That way..I can leave when I WANTED. Nope.

Things were ok after that for a bit. Then I wanted to go home. He had said earlier that he wanted to go home. I had enough to drink. I didnt want to get pulled over. But things were said..yadda yadda..He was home all day..I had to work..no food..lots of beer..time to go home. Its not that I dont like him. I was trying to hook him up with some chick there. She seemed his type and seemed interested in him. But she got distracted by other people and left.

We left and went walkin to the car. Which was aways because of the parking situation. I asked him for my car keys. He was holding on to them cause I didnt bring a purse. He says..Ill give them when we get to the car. I demanded to have the keys. this is a big thing for me. Because..having MY OWN THINGS is very important to me. Because Im ALWAYS reminded that this is HIS home..

He gave me a hard time..but he gave in.

Many know of this..but its my fuckin journal. My words. I need to VENT

Im a giving..person..who feels every little shit. You talk to me wrong..Im going to feel it. Im not perfect..but I try to be. I dont make enough to financially independent. I know I know..kick my ass for that..

But..I reamed him a new asshole. I try to talk to him in everyday life? But does it work? FUCK NO..so..I get loaded..and it comes out. I expect him to be kind and a fuckin human being!!

I have asked him MANY times not to walk around nekkid in front of me. I pay rent..we are not boyfriend/girlfriend. Does he listen? NO..sure..its his fuckin house..as he points our every day..but I know damn well if he lived with a male roommate..he wouldnt DARE. But..he still does it. I know he does it for a power kick over me. I cant stand to see him nekkid.. Fuckin beer belly..skinny legs and NO DICK. I told him thats why I stay in my room and dont come out..cause he drinks his life away. I cant stand to watchin him. EVERY FUCKIN DAY!! Im so suprised he isnt dead yet. If I kept up with him..I would have been dead long ago.

I have tried to talk to this person..for many years..tell him how I feel..try to move him..see it in any way other than his..

to no avail..I am astounded..and sad..because I feel and I speak my mind..and live life..

but..I gave him hell on the way home..but yanno..it wont work..he doesnt give a shit..I told him thats why hes alone..because hes selfish..he never learned how to share...


And I cried..because I feel..and there is no one out there to hear me...or feel me...

I want to share life..but if its not for me..I can live alone. But..people need to be kind to one another. Not lord things over others. Love one another. I am lost..

So I had alot to drink. I would still say the same things tommorrow.



But..there is no one to listen...