People who suck... and some who don't
Dear guy in Apartment 13... Be glad I have more class than to post your entire address. Just for the record, it's generally considered bad form to get exemplary service, and excellent product, only tip 6¢ on your delivery, and then have the gall to wish me a Merry Christmas is generally considered bad form. So when I said "Hmph!", spun on my heel and walked away from you, I hope you realise that was for you, and not for the holiday. I noticed that you fished out a dime somewhere in order to ensure that you didn't have to come up off of the 37¢ you had to tip me last time becuase I ran out of change trying to dig out your 96¢ change the last time you ordered. Do you really think we don't remember you?
Dear guy on base. The beautiful one who will ruin his looks if he doesn't start taking care of his teeth. Did you know that when you ordered for delivery to the very deepest part of the base, that I brought your order more than twice as far as any place off base that there is, and also much farther than most place we even deliver on base? Dude, driving across Area C is like driving to the other side of the city. Do you have any conception of how large that place is? And to top things off, to do it while we were very busy. Now... in your defense I understand that it's just possible that you were not able to leave base, even though you are clearly a civilian since male air force personnel do not have beautiful curling shoulder length locks of hair by any stretch of the imagination. So I am willing to bet you oculd have gone to lunch, but if not.. that's fine... but realising how busy we were, given you were quoted 75 minutes for delivery, and given that you are as far away as you are. AND given that you took nearly 10 minutes to arrive at the door after I rang the buzzer, and in fact had about given up and was in the process of dialing your number on the courtesy phone to ask you to please come and pick up your stupid order when you finally wandered down here. Your 1¢ tip where you dug out a quarter especially for the change part of your $10.24 order was not appreciated. Again... It's generally considered bad form to insult someone so badly, and then wish them a Merry Christmas.
Dear Mr. Sign on the Door "Don't Knock, Nobody but Family is Allowed Here" 1. You ordered a Pizza... I will knock. 2. I caught your stupid dog who is so starved for attention that he wants to go in my car with me when I leave that you don't even have the sense to have his collar or tags on him and you opened your door and let him run outside. 3. I saw you yesterday chasing the same dog up and down Maple (do you wonder why he would come to ME but not to YOU? I should report you for abusing him and not having his tags on him. He's a beautiful creature and he deserves better than your cursing and complete isolation. Give him a collar with tags and a good solid leash and take him out to walk every day and let him meet other dogs.) 4. Do not EVAR order pizza for delivery the week before Christmas and then say "I'm sorry, I can't tip you. It's Christmas and we're broke." Duh? first of all if you are broke, do not order pizza. Second, do not call attention to the fact that you failed to tip me. It does not make it better.
Dear people on welfare. Do not order pizza. EVER. How fucking rude to live in government housing at MY expense, get your food stamps at MY expense from the taxes I pay (and yes I do pay taxes), get your welfare check at MY expense, and then order pizza with money I gave you against my will. (i.e. the goverment takes it away from ME and hands it to YOU so that you don't have to have a job or do anything other than sit on your ass and have babies. You're going to be in trouble when the baby machine wears out honey.) And even worse to act irritated if I dig and dig and dig and can only come up with 3 of your 4 pennies worth of change. Sorry, most of us don't carry silver and copper around with us any more. We just don't... it's heavy and we don't. If you are living on the dole do not order pizza PERIOD. Don't do it. I will never think highly of you. Get a job, be respectable, and then you can order pizza again.
Side note: That's the rules any time you eat out. If you cannot afford to tip %15 percent of what you are eating, then you cannot afford to eat out. Period. If you order $10 worth of food, then you must have $12. (because you never tip less than 2 unless you are in a coffee shop and only order coffee... and I'm srue thatYou guys all suck. This is the absolute sparest Yule I have ever had in my entire life. I have never made so little money compared to what things cost now. Gas is 3 times what it was when Clinton was in office... Yes I know.. the evil Clinton... but Gas wasn't $3 a gallon and eggs weren't $2 a dozen. My job is twice as expensive to do. Cars cost way more to buy, drive maintain than they did even 5 years ago, and yet tips are way down, the companies we work for by and large are now refusing to pay most of us even minium wage, telling us that we can claim our tips to bring us to the min now, when often our tips barely cover the rest of our car expenses for the day after we are paid an average of 15¢ a mile to bring you your pizza. Clue: The per mile cost to operate a car now according to the government is about 48¢ a mile. Most deliveries are 5 miles round trip. 48x5= $2.40 that it costs me to bring it to you. My company charged you $1.75 for delivery, having recently raised it from $1.50 and claiming that it was to cover higher expenses. Only... they didn't raise what they reimburse us per run. I still get 1.50, which NEVER came out of the delivery charge anyway. So you didn't tip me, and I paid an average of 90¢ in auto expenses for the privelage of bringing you your food, chasing your dog, searching for your building, following your bad instructions, using MY expensive minutes to call you and ask you to come down and answer the door. And thus bringing my hourly rate for that hour down to $5.75. Thank you. Do not wish me a Merry Christmas.mjules can tell me the correct rate on that too.
Dear Lady who ordered a $12 pizza and tipped me $6. You rock. You totally one hundred percent rock. Thank you.
Dear Lady who I forgot your pop that one time and you still tipped me $3 and told me to forget about the pop... You rock. Even more that the next time I brought you and extra pop and you acted like I'd done some great dead. Honey, you paid for that pop, becuase you didn't want to let me adjust the ticket. Of course I will bring it to you the next time. You saved me from getting chewed out by a mean boss who was very cranky that day. I totally love the expression on your cat's face every time I am there, as he studies the opening of the door trying to decide if he can get past me if he tries to sneak out to roll in the grass outside. You are awesome. Thanks a bunch.
Dear Lady who works at that school. You know who you are. You have the nice cheerful name, and sunny disposition. I'm so sorry that other drivers have been rude to you based on the poor tipping practices of your employer. Obviously they don't realise that $2 on a $50 order is not a good tip. But YOU understand that, and it's not your fault. I have seen how embarrassed you are when you sign the chit for them knowing that they've told you to write that amount in. The fact that you always tip me $2-$3 even on a little $5-$10 order for yourself makes it clear that you are not your employer, and I do appreciate you. I told my cranky old boss about you getting treated poorly by another driver. I hope it never happens again.
Dear Lady who had a $24 order and handed me $32 or $33 and when I went to count it just shrugged and waved me on my way saying "It's Christmas". You are also awesome. Thank you.
You all people, can wish me a Merry Christmas all you want. I celebrate Yule. I don't care. I don't care if my Yule tree came in a box that says Christmas Tree on it... in fact, I'd rather have that than something as generic as a "Holiday Pine". How damn stupid is that. If you celebrate Christmas, then feel free to wish me a Merry one. I'm not offended by that. I will say have a nice holiday, not because I've been told to be non denominational, but because I recognise that I probably DON'T celebrate the same holiday as you. That's ok.. your holiday doesn't offend me. After all, we invented it. You can play with it too.
Now I'm going to rant on one more LEETLE Thing. Those of you who go to restaurant/bars eat and drink and then start wandering around so your server (my roommate) can't keep track of you, and then walk out without paying your tab? You suck BIG time. She has to PAY for what you walked in there and stole. Did you know that? Yah... that comes out of her pocket every time you do it... and when you walk out with a $50 tab, and her tips are the biggest part of her income. You may as well have just walked up to her in the parking lot and fucking mugged her. You suck too.