SHRINK

Family Matters

2010-06-14T02:58:39Z

Hello people!

So. I'm fucking pissed off. Therapy is where I would like to turn in the future when I feel this way (and can afford a therapist).

Hence my posting here. Okay, we have a drawer in the kitchen designated for chocolate and baking supplies. We have three chocolate bars in there for the cookies we're gonna make in the next couple of days. Dad came out of the kitchen tonight with a chocolate bar in his hand, asking if we wanted some chocolate from his "secret chocolate stash."

It was the same kind of bar that was in the drawer, so I logically thought that he had gotten it from the drawer with the baking supplies in it. Mom and I both asked him where he got it cuz HELL-FUCKING-O?! I wanted to fucking know. Eventually, we found out he didn't get it from the baking supplies drawer, and I said, "Why couldn't you just say that?!" Cuz he avoided the question when we asked.

I guess I sort of yelled at him, but I just wanted to know the fucking answer. He wouldn't answer the question and it really fucking annoyed me. Okay, so, shoot ahead about fifteen minutes. We were watching TV and the show came back, but dad didn't unmute it - he had his eyes closed when I looked over at him. So I said, "Dad, the show's back." And he very snottily said, "Yeah, thanks."

I asked him what his problem was and he said, "Sometimes, you should just keep your damn mouth shut." I said what did I do to him, and he said, "Sometimes, you should just mind your own business for once." I got beyond furious. I cannot begin to explain how angry I was. I started crying, because when I'm angry, I don't yell, I don't throw shit or anything, I cry. I bawl, cuz it's all I can do.

Dad went upstairs and I cooled down a little. Then mom told me, "You need to stop being so disrespectful to dad." ALL I DID WAS ASK HIM A QUESTION. Yes, okay, I admit I was provoking a little, I wasn't the nicest I could've been, but he was being fucking annoying and avoiding the question! I just wanted a goddamn motherfucking answer! I got angry all over again.

The dog came downstairs and mom yelled up to Nick - bro - to get him to put the dog back in his room. Dad thought that mom had called him, instead of Nick, so he yelled back down to mom. Mom got frustrated and yelled at dad, who then got Nick. They had a little conversation and dad asked if Nick took the dog out recently (we can hear everything that's said upstairs from the living room).

Mom said, "No. No. No." Nick said, "No one was talking to YOU, mom." What was said then? Dad said, "Nick. *sigh*" Mom grumbled something under her breath. Nick took the dog out and slammed the door, then slammed the door again when he brought the dog in. What happened? Nothing. No asshole remarks to Nick. Nothing telling him how wrong he is for being such a fuckhead.

Nothing. NOTHING. WHY DIDN'T THEY SAY ANYTHING TO HIM, BUT I GET REPRIMANDED FOR SOMETHING THAT, I THINK, IS A MUCH LESSER OFFENSE? THIS IS WHY I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF BEYOND REASON. This is NOT GODDAMN FAIR. I am so fucking sick of EVERYTHING, I can't stand it! I don't know what to say, except I NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING.

Am I totally out of line or am I right? Please please tell me I'm not fucking insane, cuz I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I feel like things are so out of whack, things are so wrong here, sometimes, that I must be wrong. I just feel like I need validation that I'm not totally out of my head.

Me Again

2010-05-22T22:25:10Z

hi again. i've got more to say

my anxiety has been going crazy lately.. panic attacks when i don't need to have one, just random stress outs unrelated to school or guys or anything that normally stresses me out

i've been legit freaking out, and i tend to push people away when i freak out like that, so people and i aren't getting along too well at the moment

so, instead of just having the two guys, i've got several being confusing
Domingo - Age 33, California.
Jon - Age 19, Mississippi
Caleb - Age 20, West Virginia
Andrew (he still doesn't know if he wants to date me for sure, i'm waiting on him) - Age 22, Ohio

Andrew is the one i would want to date the most. I've known him for almost 6 years now, we go to church camp together, and he's a sweetheart, and he lives an hour from me. Caleb and Jon are probably tied for second, with each having their positives and negatives, and Domingo and i are just falling apart. so yeah. i'm waiting on Andrew's decision as to whether or not he wants to date me. he has feelings for me, but he doesn't know what he wants to do. so yeah. if he says he doesn't want to get together, then i've gotta figure out what i'm doing about the other three

and that's not counting the several guys who just want to sleep with me

yay stress! haha

Let's Get It Started

2010-05-08T23:25:54Z

Hello people!

Well, we're growing slow; we have six members total (including myself), which I'm thrilled about! Thanks to everyone who's joined so far.

I guess I'll get things started.

I have intimacy issues. And maybe committment issues... I am very close to my mom and brother, not so much my dad (he thinks we're close enough, but I just don't like him very much). I am nineteen and have never dated or even kissed a boy. I am a virgin in every possible way when it comes to the opposite sex. I have always been a shy person and am not really good at socializing.

Whenever a guy shows interest in me, I get extremely concerned for multiple reasons: [1] I have extremely high standards, despite the fact that I am not all that pretty and not very skinny or athletic or anything like that, so if a guy expresses interest in me but just isn't cute enough, I get uncomfortable around him and tend to avoid him, [2] I am afraid of my parents finding out about a guy.

The second reason is more important the first reason: I am TERRIFIED of my parents - not just finding out if I go out with a guy or have sex with a guy - but just of them finding out if I LIKE someone. Why? I have no idea. They've always been supportive of me dating and finding a boyfriend. I just...I get awkward and uncomfortable talking about guys at all. Including celebrity crushes. How dumb is that?

And I don't think I can really have a healthy relationship of any kind if I can't get comfortable with guys, period.

Another issue is that I am never comfortable around ANYONE who isn't my mom or my brother. Anyone else makes me uncomfortable and I just want to avoid them and not be around them. I feel like everyone is constantly judging me, whereas I feel like my mom or bro love me and accept me no matter what. I don't feel like anyone else I would ever know would do the same for me.

I just feel like everything I do around other people is to impress them or make them like me - or vice versa; that something I might do or say will upset them or make them dislike me. I think I feel this way because it's how I feel about most people. If someone disagrees with me or really hates something I like, I usually don't want to be around them or talk to them. I don't know what caused that.

I also just in general have never been comfortable around guys. I'm awkward and goofy and embarassing like a freaking 14 year old or something. And no matter how long I've known someome, I can't get comfortable around them. Not that I've known people my whole life - the longest I've ever known someone who's not my family is five years. Maybe that's why I can't get comfortable around people? I dunno.

So, yeah, I have a shit ton of issues that I'll be posting about in the future, but for now, we'll start here, lol.

Love y'all - Mira/Doc/Kat *meow*

Welcome to Therapy!

2010-05-07T16:05:53Z

Hello people!

And welcome to internetherapy!

Here, you can discuss any and all problems you have. Do you hate your parents? Do you have problems with intimacy or commitment? Maybe your job makes you feel helpless, or the terrible economy is driving you mad.

If you have anything on your mind or about yourself that you'd like to analyze and try to figure out, that's what we're here for! We want to help you help yourself (to use a cliche, if you will).

You do not have to join in order to post - non-members can post here, as well. But you do require an LJ account to post.

Language or adult concepts are not an issue here, but we must demand the utmost respect for every member and non-member (for more information, check the "Degrees and Merits" section of the page, which will take you to the internetherapy profile).

Also, if you decide to post and your entry is longer than two paragraphs, please put it under an LJ-cut (if you're not sure how to do this, see this page for reference).

Thanks for stopping by! If you'd like to post a problem or peruse what's already posted, post a comment here saying you're joining/posting/observing.

Love y'all - Mira/Doc/Kat *meow*