Ange

Never had such a boring Friday.

insertusername — Sat, 21 Jul 2001 01:02:53 GMT

Yeah, except for a few things:

1. I RPed a lot today with Vikki, and that was cool.
2. I found out that I'm going to meet Mal, and she's taking me to Hersey Park. Awesome.
3. I also found out that Zen lives about 30 minutes away from me.

Why do people live so close?

Anyhow, I'm missing Brandon already, and I'm having to tell people no when they ask me to call them. It's getting kind of annoying.

By the way, Bridget is a fucking horsecock. ;D

Mwahahaha!

insertusername — Thu, 19 Jul 2001 12:36:28 GMT

Okay, so John e-mailed me back...here's a small series of email:

Subj: Re: Roccia.
Date: 7/19/2001 6:02:51 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com (Johnny Harmonica)
To: Iifeislacking@aol.com

Damn, dude, that's pretty harsh. Look, I think everyone took my little
chain-letter rant WAY too seriously, but if it really offended you like
that, then I'm sorry. Everyone's entitles to their opinions and all, but I
honestly didn't mean to cause any discontent.

But then again, your opinions ain't shit if you don't own up to them, so if
you still wanna say all that nasty stuff after I've apologized, then you
better say it to my face, man. I don't mind if people have a problem with
me, but they better have the guts to solve it.

Later,
Johnny Roccia

Subj: Re: Roccia.
Date: 7/19/2001 6:06:05 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Iife is lacking
To: fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com

It offended me because it was to my friends, and they took it seriously, and so did I. No one knows what to expect from you, John. I think what I said was really harsh, too. But you know, just so things don't get out of hand, I think I might keep my identity a secret...just so you don't hunt me down. ;D

I never said anything because I didn't feel like getting on your bad side, so I just stayed quiet. Anyhow, I apologize as well.

Subj: Re: Roccia.
Date: 7/19/2001 6:10:03 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com (Johnny Harmonica)
To: Iifeislacking@aol.com

If you wanna keep the identity a secret, that's cool; but you're not on my
bad side, since you were cool and apologized. I'm not gonna hunt anyone
down, man... those days are behind me. :)

And from now on, dude, if you have a problem, don't worry about getting on
my bad side. If it's a genuine concern, then just spit it out - it's much
better than all that fake shit like pretending nothing's up. I don't like
masks, man, but I've never gotten mad at someone for honesty.

Later,
Johnny Roccia

Subj: Re: Roccia.
Date: 7/19/2001 2:34:04 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Iife is lacking
To: fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com

Just for the record, I'm not a guy. ;D And I don't think that everything I said was honest? Uh. I don't know, that was just suppressed rage pouring out into one e-mail. Shouldn't have been taken all out on you. Heh.

I think this past school year just kind of made me insane. Mwaha. Again, sorry. ;p

--moi.

. . .

Anyway, I have nothing to worry about. He's a moron. ;D I guess I was pretty harsh, but oh well.

I swear, the locals should die.

insertusername — Thu, 19 Jul 2001 00:05:58 GMT

This kid named John Roccia is such a flaming idiot. Someone had a chain letter and forwarded it to him, so he fucking threatened everyone:

From: "Johnny Harmonica" <fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com>
Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 03:17:18 -0400

Note: People who send forwards are idiots. I would rather see a dozen
babies raped by the Unabomber than ever receive another forward. If ever
such a ridiculous display of stupidity is sent to me again, my wrath will be
great and forthcoming. Test me not in this. I will kill you. Not in the
"oh I'll kick your ass" kill you, as in the "I will slit your goddamned
throat while your sleeping and gargle with your blood" sort of kill you. If
you are dumb, then you do not deserve to live. No one who performs such
stupidity deserves the gift of life, for you make existence harder for
honest, intelligent people who want to use their brains for something other
than dealing with ignorant chain letters. Please consider suicide as a
serious alternative to ever sending me a forward again.

Rat Man

. . .

Okay, so I, of course, got pissed off and sent him an e-mail. I've hated this guy for a LONG time:

Subj: Roccia.
Date: 7/19/2001 2:53:56 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Iife is lacking
To: fponkdarnoc@hotmail.com

Tell me, did it EVER occur to you that you're the idiot? I mean, making vows to fuck a girl who you know you have no chance with, or making statements like, "The best time to fuck them is when they're 12, because they're bare." You know, John, you're a sick individual, and I personally think you need some fucking help. It's sad that you have to threaten people younger than you, just because you're annoyed with some stupid chain-letter. Take a hint, fucker. You're not God. I've been wanting to tell you off for the LONGEST time, but I never got around to doing so. Your ego is so inflated that you're blinded by it, and you think that you're the center of everyone's universe. You know what? Fuck you. You're trash, John, and nothing more. I don't think a forwarded e-mail is the only thing that sucks your ass, buddy. Your stupidity amazes me, and I'm sorry if you can't see this, but no one likes you. The only reason you have any friends is because you're a "decent" RPer. You'd rather see a dozen babies raped by the Unabomber...I wonder why. You're like a pedophile...and you definitely need to see someone about your gross fetish. "No one who performs such stupidity deserves the gift of life." Your mother should've aborted you when she was pregnant. The world has enough idiots...it doesn't need anymore. Do us all a favor and guzzle some Drain-o, you son of a fuck.

--Care to know who? Too bad.

. . .

Now, John is the type of person to do what he says, and if he finds out that it was me who wrote it, he might go to the extent of hurting me. Let him try, though. I'd fucking spaz. He made rumors about himself fucking one of my best friends, and that...just pissed me off a lot. John needs to learn that he's jackshit, and he should just kill himself before he gets to be too much of a problem. I have no patience for assholes, especially when they're going to threaten people that I know and care about. FUCK THAT. I'd put my life on the line for any of them, whenever. And I guess you could say that I did that by writing that e-mail to him. If he responds, I guess I'm going to laugh at him. He might want to know who I am, but he won't be finding that out. So, fuck it.

If only killing was legal.

Game Works...

insertusername — Tue, 17 Jul 2001 12:08:33 GMT

IS FUCKING CLOSED.

What the shit?

insertusername — Tue, 17 Jul 2001 00:21:42 GMT

Expurgate me [3:06 AM]: GRAH. I'm bored.
I Am Artificial [3:06 AM]: Same here. Want to fool around?
Expurgate me [3:07 AM]: ...
Expurgate me [3:07 AM]: I don't think Brandon would appreciate that.
I Am Artificial [3:07 AM]: Okay.

...now, what the fuck? That's...just wrong, yes. WRONG. I feel disgusting. Ew. Ew. Ew. GOD, EW.

Moving on.

Today was kind of boring, except for the end. Anthony showed up out of nowhere and wanted to go over Jamie's house to give her a notebook with all the poetry and songs he wrote about her. So, unfortunately, I was dragged along for that one because he's a little pussy and wouldn't go by himself. Then, Jamie had the nerve to leave me by myself with him after an hour had passed. Me? I was pissed. I finally got rid of Anthony and came in. I felt really bad 'cause I told Brandon to wait ten minutes, but it was more like an hour. :( At least I got to talk to him on the phone tonight. :) That really did brighten up my day, except for the bad stomach pains at the end of the phone conversation. Bah. I'll live, though.

Tomorrow's going to consist of going to Game Works with Ashley for most of the day, and playing Dance Dance Revolution like a couple of maniacs. Whew. This is gonna be fun, or something. I've never been there, but I heard it's a really kickass place.

Something was really wrong with me yesterday, but I'm happy it's gone. Otherwise, I'd...be a wreck, still...and I hate that.

Never-ending cycle.

insertusername — Sun, 15 Jul 2001 22:55:05 GMT

Tonight was horrible. That depression came back once again, and I don't know how to handle it. My chest always feels like it's going to cave in, as if someone had taken a baseball bat and just beat away at it. My heart wants to stop. My whole body...just...wants to shut down. Or, I want it to shut down. My problem is that I feel lonely, and this happens sometimes. The only person who I feel like I have is me, because I'm stuck here in Jersey with jackshit...and it gets to me, sometimes.

As for the depression, I don't know what to do. My mom said that the next time I went through it, she was going to take me to a doctor and see about medication. Medication = not happening. I don't need to be like the other 90% of America who think that meds are the way to happiness. Fuck that. I want to be happy without the little shove of medication.

I wish he was here right now.

I'm starting to wonder how long this feeling is going to last this time. Last time, I barely talked to anyone, and it was noted by friends that I wasn't anywhere near as talkative as I usually am, and that I was seeming distant and such. I don't want people to know that something's wrong, and I want to be able to hide it. But then I think to myself, "Maybe someone can help." That's bullshit in itself, because the last time I went and actually told people something that I wanted no one else to know, I ended up in the guidance counselor's office at school, and almost coming to the conclusion that I was going to kill myself, and that was that. I'm not reliving that. I'm not reliving anything that's happened last year, because I'm gotten smarter. People learn from their mistakes, and I've definitely learned some things.:

1. Don't trust many people.
2. Do NOT date people if they have not only bad aim, but a bad attitude.

My Freshman year has been a horrible one, and fortunately, I passed. Now, Sophomore year is going to be different. You want to know why? Because I'm going to make it that way. My hair is going to be one color for the year -- and that color is blue. It can be my trademark color, or something. People will get over it. I'm not letting my hair fall out. Also, there's going to be a major trust-factor situation. I'm not going to open up to anyone, really. Not like last year, because that got me in trouble. They might be looking out for me, but they definitely took the wrong fucking approach.

I feel so empty.