The Smouldering Eyes.

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I’d seen her often. Sitting idly. By the side of the road. She had a mysterious aura. She wasn’t dressed poshly but neither was she a beggar. She never said a word. Her eyes spoke of her pain. The neighbours had advised me to stay away. No one told me why. No one seemed to know why.

I felt for her, compassion I like to think. I approached her one night, asked her where her home was, where her family was, where her husband was. She looked up at ‘husband’. I knew I’d struck a chord.

I was so wrong.

The smoulder in her eyes made me back away. She picked up a rock. She bared her teeth at me. Her forehead wrinkled. Her stance became offensive. My hands raised, palms facing her, I assured her I was just trying to help. An incoming car, headlights on, honked loudly. Distracted, I looked at it, only to hear her running away in the dark alley behind.

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The rock lay on the road. She never meant to hurt me. She only wanted to save herself.

From what, I wonder. From whom, I wonder. Why, I wonder.

Graciously Yours!

 

 

Life Notes #5.

A really tired me was rejuvenating today by looking out of the glass window of my office cabin, courtesy the only available cabin for auditors at my client office.

The visible main road houses the entrance to a pumping station where all day long huge tankers of the corporation come and collect water at the side of the road. The water from the 10 feet high pipe keeps pouring for a few minutes after the tanker drives away. One such tanker had just driven away and the water kept falling on the side of the road, when out of nowhere two street kids came along running and took place under the pipe.

Two kids, half naked, dancing under the water on a humid afternoon, for just a mere two minutes was such a blissful sight to watch! Another female, seemingly known to them came running with a can to fetch water and stood staring at them laughing all the while! 

Not a care in the world, no botheration about the stares they might be getting (from someone like me), no one to reprimand them. Just moments of pure joy and elation.

As soon as the water stopped, they immediately ran away in another direction. I do now know whether this is a regular feature or a one-time attraction but what I do know is that I just spent two minutes smiling at kids whom I may never meet in my life but they have left a long lasting impact on me.

Though I couldn’t see their smiles, I could feel the happiness radiating to me.

Note To Self : Even if you don’t have it all, try and find happiness in what you do have. After all, life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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Graciously (rejuvenated) Yours!

Once In A Lifetime Love

I don’t know whether such love is etched in my destiny or not but I hope this comes true for someone at least! And that they would then come and recount it to me so I can turn it into the romantic saga the world has never read before. 😉

ashadeofpen's avatarA Shade Of Pen

This is a dedication post. It is not every day that people ask me to write something for them. So, when I received this, I knew my heart had gotten tremendously fat and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE writing this.

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This one is only for you precious princess ❤

I wandered alone for too long

Looking for love in the forlorn walks

I believed in long lasting love

And I knew it would one day come.

However, it seemed to take too long

I was getting anxious every morn

And suddenly, I met you

And everything was bright and new.

Your eyes were the shade

I so effortlessly loved.

Your smile made me quiver

As I craved to be the reason for it.

You looked at me the way

I have often read in books

That people smitten in love do.

How I wished that it wasn’t a dream

Because if…

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50 shades.

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My Twin Soul (read more, here) was being persistently intrigued by something when she pinged me about it :

What’s going on exactly? First there are people who think it’s wrong to watch porn. Then the 50 shades series is bought and sold openly in public. People are okay reading that. And then they are eagerly waiting for the movie! Are we modernising? Or westernising? Or are people being hypocrites? They are the same people who make up India, a country where sex is still a taboo. Are we basically indecisive?

Eager to know what others thought, we sent it to friends. Male. Female. Young. Opinionated. Or so we thought.

Guy 1 : It’s entirely somebody’s personal choice whether they want to watch porn or not. You should not judge someone if they say they watch porn. Technically, 50 shades is more of an uncensored Hollywood movie than porn. It’s cool with me if even a girl chooses to watch 50 shades over a Bollywood flick.

Girl 1 : Hehe.

Somehow she seemed to have missed those question marks.

Guy 2 : Largely Indecisive. And hypocritical. Not to mention absolutely desperate.

Girl 2 : Indecisive, definitely.

Guy 3 : We maybe modernizing in a lot of ways but we haven’t made much progress when it comes to our way of thinking. I won’t say indecisive… We know it and may want it but we just don’t want to aceept that we agree to this.

Girl 3 :

Oh sorry. None of the other girls ( at least 5) responsed.

Guy 4 : We are a sex starved nation.
We try to downplay such urges as we try to be righteous. But after all such books fan our deep rooted dark desires. That’s why the books are best sellers in a country like India.

That was sensible wasn’t it? Hence, I call him Mr. Sensible. You’d know who he was if only you’d read more about the Twin Soul.

Yes, I believe we’re a sex starved nation. In our country, we can’t even discuss casually about sex among friends. A lip lock or the silhouette of a couple in a steaming shower room is viewed with blushed cheeks and hesitant eyes. You know what I mean? So I find it strange when I see  Facebook walls ascribed with how they can’t wait to see what follows the ‘steamy’ trailers. Now, talking about something as kinky as BDSM seems like the thing to do.

So are we modernizing? Or westernizing? No. Not right now, at least. I think we’re tweaking ourselves slightly to suit our social (status) needs. Actually, following books and films like 50 shades serves dual purposes for us. Firstly, it helps us keep ourselves abreast of the latest global trends. Secondly, it gives us the chance to believe that (suddenly) it really is okay to talk about the taboo. Talking or have pretense discussions about sex no longer is taboo. But for how long?

I believe that when the excitement wears off, when the trends change to a flat nosed evil or a sparkling vampire, when the film has been devoured and criticized up to the hilt, the blushed cheeks and hesitant eyes will return.

But that’s just me. What do you think? Or are you as un-opinionated as some of the people I came across?

As always,

Graciously Yours!

P.S. : Tremendous respect for the guys for answering the way they did! They weren’t easy questions coming from girls.

Would you still…?

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As I sit here, with my eyes closed, breaths slow, a mind tired of racing, I only think of you, my love.

Would you still want me, if I had told you I wanted to make you mine? 

Would you still be mine, if I had told you how much I loved you?

Would you still love me, if I told you I’d kill for your smile?

Would you still smile at me, if you knew how that made my heart flutter?

Would you still keep me in your heart, if you knew your mere mention made me go red?

Would you still wear red, if you knew I thought you looked the part of an angel?

Would you still be my angel, if you knew how much I wanted your hand?

Would you still have held my hand, if I did hold yours the other day?

Would I still be yours, if I had spoken to you that day?

If only I had spoken to you that day!

Graciously Yours!

 

P.S.: Yes, VJ it all reads familiar because you inspired this. I hope I did a little justice to your feelings.

For you, Jakarta Girl!

Do you have that one person in your life WHO :

Reads your emotions in text without those crazy emoticons?

Puts her status as “Okay” and you immediately get the #TFIOS reference. (Ref. to the context : Maybe okay will be our always. If you still don’t get point I am trying to make, then you need to get in touch with the world around, cave people!)

Knowingly takes the harder path just because it is the correct one?

Uses “LOL” so many times, you actually wonder how retarded she must be looking if she actually laughed out loud so many times in a day?

Stays 1614 kms away, yet there are times when you feel she hasn’t really moved away?

Buys fancy writing material without blinking an eyelid, but will think twice before buying a dress?

Is insanely crazy yet crazily sane and you just cannot help loving her, despite the really strong moral compass?

Loves to blog, blogs about what she loves, but does not have so much time for her blog as much for her love?

Yes, she’s real.

She’s my person. If I plan to murder someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the vengeance out of me across the living room floor. She’s my person.

Dear, unlike every year, we’re in two different countries, but like every year I still have the best gift I can give you – my words.

I hope you love them as much as I do!

Love you always. And miss you lots.

Graciously Yours!

P.S.: Happy Birthday! ❤

Pain.

“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”
– Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars.

Their only son walked out of their life.

She knew he was feeling suffocated in their house. He could not have pursued what her husband wanted, anymore. He had wanted out for long but not this way probably. If only her husband had been less orthodox and more understanding, she wouldn’t have to see her son walk out the house with a suitcase full of belongings and his camera hung by his shoulder.

Her husband didn’t stop her son. Her son didn’t pay heed to her. She slipped in a wad of cash into his camera bag when she was sure that neither of them would be backing out. That was all she felt she had done for her only son. She tried persuading her husband to allow their son some freedom as he walked down the stairs. She said he was being abandoned. Her husband said he was running away from his responsibilities.

That was it. That was the last they had spoken of bringing back their son.

Three months later.

Like everyday for the past three months, she woke up to her son’s picture on her bedside table. Like everyday, she felt a knife slicing through her heart when she made breakfast for only two. Like everyday, she and her husband spoke of general things before he left for office. Like everyday, she cried a little after her husband left.

Like everyday, her husband touched his son’s picture before leaving for office. And like everyday, she wondered if they really were tears glistening in her husband’s eyes.

“You of all people know it is possible to live with pain.”

– Mrs. Lancaster, The Fault in Our Stars.

 

Graciously Yours!

Believe Me.

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I may not be the most stunning girl around, but believe me I am going to stun you.

I may not be smiling always, but believe me you’ll smile when you see me smile.

I may not be gentle always, but believe me I am just trying to get away from the shit around.

I may not look like I care, but believe me if you matter I’ll go all the way for you.

I may not look like the epitome of strength, but believe me this heart is stronger than even I perceive.

I may not have the most beautiful eyes, but believe me these eyes see beauty all around.

I may not be the one for you, but believe me there’s no one else like me you can find.

Graciously Yours!

Maketh or Breaketh?

 07-13

Life throws challenges at all of us.
For some the challenge is to select a dress for the day out of a walk-in closet they own, for others it might be choosing the course which will have lesser impact financially or maybe seeing your own relatives disown you, or seeing your love fade away. Regardless of the stature and strength of the challenge faced, it is your move to tackle the challenge that counts.
Do you let the challenge make you or break you? Do you become the best or fall among the rest?

Of late, I have tried being empathetic towards others, always considering that something which I dislike in them comes from a struggle they’ve gone through or a challenge they’ve faced. Maybe it wasn’t part of their plan to be so rash, judgmental, overbearing, over possessive, or trashy, but life made them so.

The past few days have made me realize that it isn’t always life or the challenges they face which have are responsible for building a person’s character. It is about the person and his inner soul. It is about the person and his conscience. It is about the person and his expectations of himself.

Irrespective of what has happened to you or what you have gone through, It is you who decides what kind of a person you want to be.

Today, if you try to blame the unfairness of life for disrespecting a woman, for being coercive on your juniors, for not acknowledging your elders and parents, for pushing down someone who should ideally be pulled up, for breaking a friend’s trust, for shattering a child’s confidence, for ruining a person’s life, you should be ashamed of yourself. Ashamed. Period.

Look around, friends. See the diversity of human characters you have around you. Judge them from their reactions in the most uncomfortable situations.

Judge them not from what they’ve become in life, but from what they’ve become out of it.

Graciously Yours!

Life Notes #4.

Bus stops at the crossroad. Its raining heavily. The roads are waterlogged.

I got down the bus, gingerly stepping into the mid-calf length muddy waters on the road, one foot firmly following the other. I barely opened my umbrella when I realized that one of my slippers was off my feet and was floating into the water. I looked down at the floating slipper and when I looked up again (cursing, obviously), I could see that the traffic from the opposite lane had been opened. I had less than 30 seconds to get my slipper back and out of harm’s way! Flopping around on one foot with the umbrella in one hand and my handbag slipping from the other shoulder, I picked up the floating slipper and almost hobbled across to the footpath! Relief would be a tiny word to be used to describe that moment!

Note to self : Next time, if someone says to you that the monsoons landed them in a compromising situation on the roads of India, do NOT laugh. ‘Cuz, life, dear girl, is a circle. A viciously sadistic circle!

Graciously Yours!

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