don't talk unless you...

Revolution fic: Hidden in the Shadows

2013-01-01T16:09:06Z

Title: Hidden in the Shadows
Author: Cat
Rating: PG
Fandom: Revolution
Pairing: Charlie/Miles
Summary:What can be seen in the dark.
Spoilers: Up to 1x10 - Nobody's Fault But Mine – A/U from that episode.
Beta: fading_ripples
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: Last of 3 Secret Santa fics for [Bad username: mercscilla]. Prompt: In the shadows – I looked up “shadow” in a thesaurus and this is the result.

COVER
Running into the woods, the makeshift group tried to shield themselves from the shootings. Once they were deep enough into the woods that there were no chance they could be found by the helicopter, they stopped running. Miles’ first reaction was to check that Charlie, and then Danny, were uninjured. Once he reassured himself that the younger ones were fine he looked to the other three for confirmation that no one was hurt.

“We should stay here for the night,” Miles suggested. “It’s already getting dark so Monroe won’t make a move until morning.”

“He is close to war with Georgia,” Rachel added. “The helicopter’s probably heading south.”

Miles took a few moments to think about the information Rachel had just provided before suggesting, “Then I doubt Monroe will use resources on us. We should take turns standing guard, just in case, but we should be relatively safe.”

“I’ll be first watch,” Nora offered.

“No, I will,” Rachel told her. “You all look like you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in months. You can take over in a few hours.”

Too exhausted to protest, they all settled for a few hours of rest. Lying between Danny and Miles, thoughts of her mother and Miles’ bizarre dynamic invaded Charlie’s head. They seemed to know each other a lot more than she had ever suspected and they were hardly on friendly terms. However, watching them agreeing on the next course of action showed that they could easily be on the same wavelength. Once again, Charlie realized that she was surrounded by secrets and half-truths.

PROTECTION
“I can manage with my children on my own, you know.” Miles stopped gutting the deer and turned around at the sound of Rachel’s voice. He looked at her but said nothing as Rachel continued, “You can leave with Nora. You don’t have to stick around.”

Miles didn’t respond and went back to his task. When Rachel didn’t leave but instead sat down on a rock next to him, it was obvious that the conversation wasn’t over and ignoring Rachel wouldn’t make her go away. “I’m not leaving Charlie,” Miles said, still focused on the dead animal and not the woman sitting next to him.

“She’s strong; so am I. We don’t need you.” Rachel’s voice was calm, gentle. She was trying to get rid of him but instead of outright saying it, she was using passive aggressive methods in order to get him to leave.

Miles stopped what he was doing and looked at Rachel square in the eye. “I am not leaving unless Charlie wants me to. The only way she is ever going to die is if I am dead first.” He went back to his task. “Now please go away. You’re slowing me down and your kids are starving.”

He didn’t look up as she got up and left without another word.

PENUMBRA
Charlie ran up to Miles who was leading their small expedition in the woods. Secure with the knowledge that the others were behind enough that they were out of earshot, she bluntly asked the question that had been on her mind for the last 24 hours.

“What is going on between you and my mother?”

Miles shrugged. “It’s none of your business, Charlie.”

“Somehow, I don’t think so. I feel like I’m in the middle of a power play between you and my mother.”

Miles stopped and looked at Charlie, but when he looked back and seemed to realize that the other four would soon be within earshot, he started walking again. “It’s not a power play. We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“What? You think my mother would harm me?” Charlie asked incredulously. The more they talked, the more questions she had. Even though she kept asking these questions, she knew it was in vain; Miles would never voluntarily tell her what happened in the last 8 years or even before the blackout.

“Of course not. Don’t be an idiot, Charlie.”

Realization dawned on Charlie. “She thinks you would harm me.” Miles nodded, confirming her suspicion. “But you wouldn’t…” she trailed off, her hesitance laced in her tone.

“Never,” was Miles’ simple answer. The word, however, was filled with pain and hurt. Charlie felt horrible to even slightly consider that he would hurt her. Wanting to reassure him that she trusted him, she grabbed his arms and leaned into him.

“I know you wouldn’t,” she whispered. He leaned into her as well for a moment until he suddenly stiffened and shook her hand off his arm. He quickly glanced back and accelerated his pace, forcing Charlie to lightly jog to keep up. “What’s wrong?” She asked him.

“Don’t…” Miles began, and then said, “just…” Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “Rachel is watching.”

Charlie glanced behind her and saw her mother staring straight at them. She looked back at Miles, a million questions on her mind. She didn’t understand why her mother was looking at them this way or why it even mattered that she was looking at them. What was the harm in Charlie holding Miles’ arm?

DARK
Her pale blue eyes were getting darker every time she looked at him. At first Miles thought it was anger, but he soon realized that desire was the culprit for her darkening eyes. It made him feel uncomfortable. He knew that she was young and impressionable. He was most likely the first man that had any kind of affinity with her – he doubted the boys in her village had the same self-reliance that Charlie possessed. He wished he could do something about it – make her see him in a different light somehow. It seemed that not much would change her mind though, considering she was discovering more and more skeletons in his closet and barely batted an eye.

If he were perfectly honest, it was difficult to discourage her when he felt the same desire he saw in her eyes.

He was definitely going to hell.

SHELTER
Ever since the arm holding incident, there was some sort of dark cloud over his head and he was generally in a foul mood. He let her stick by his side, but his bad mood encouraged her to look elsewhere for company. They found an abandoned house where they settled for a few days. Her mother, Nora, Aaron and Miles took this time to strategize their next move. It made Charlie miss the days when Miles consulted her and not her mother. She had been relegated to the ‘child’ status from the ‘peer’ status without being consulted.

When her mother and Miles agreed on separating, it stung. Her mother, Aaron and Miles were going to attempt to destroy the amplifier: a suicide mission. Charlie had walked away in a huff, not unaware that her reaction was similar to the one she had the day her father died. She heard her mother and Miles argue over who was going to talk to her and used it as an opportunity to get further away from them before they had a chance to catch up.

It was more than thirty minutes later that she heard Miles’ footsteps.

“There you are,” he said. “I’ve been looking for you for a good fifteen minutes.”

“You’ve been arguing with my mother for the other fifteen minutes?”

“Nah, just told her you needed to cool off so she backed off. I waited ten minutes before I started to look for you.”

Charlie smiled at Miles’ deception, mostly because she wasn’t in the mood to talk to her mother. It was always such hard work with her. She didn’t know how Miles would manage with her mother and Aaron going all the way to Georgia. “You used to involve me in your plans,” Charlie accused him.

“That’s because they involved rescuing Danny. This is about Monroe and the amplifier. It has nothing to do with you or Danny.”

Charlie narrowed her eyes. “You can’t stop me from coming with you,” she defied him. She had a point. How would he actually stop her from joining their expedition?

“And you’re going to leave Danny? He’s in no shape nor does he have the skills to come. He’s definitely staying behind,” he argued.

Charlie dropped her shoulders in defeat. He had a point; she wouldn’t leave Danny’s side. “You’re abandoning me,” she said stubbornly, not wanting to let it go just yet.

Miles cupped her face and gently caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I’m just trying to make up for some really bad mistakes I’ve made. I’m not abandoning you. I’m leaving you with Nora. She’ll keep you and your brother safe.”

“How are you going to manage all the way to Georgia with my mother and Aaron?” she asked cheekily, trying to lift up the mood.

“It’ll be fine with Rachel, but I’m not sure about Aaron. I might kill him before the end of the week,” Miles said drily.

Charlie laughed and Miles drew her into a side-hug, tugging her head under his chin.

GLOOM
The months that followed were cold and boring. Winter bore harsh weather that made Charlie grateful that they had a permanent roof over her head for the first time since she left her home. She occupied herself by learning about ordnance from Nora. She also tried to train to become more agile with swords. Danny trained with her sometimes but didn’t have the same drive as she did to learn combat.

And then one day, out of the blue, they came back.

But they came back without Miles.

“Is he alive?” was Charlie’s way of greeting the returning party. Aaron looked down and her mother had tears in her eyes. “Is he alive?” Charlie repeated the question, this time enunciating every syllable.

“We don’t know,” Rachel finally answered. “Monroe has him.” At the sound of Monroe’s name, Charlie ran inside the house and went to her room. Grabbing everything that could be useful, she packed a bag in a matter of minutes. When she ran down the stairs, she saw Nora waiting for her, carrying a bag of her own. Nodding at the older woman, she went outside and hugged Danny goodbye. Neither he, nor Aaron or her mother tried to stop them.

It would have been a fruitless attempt.

UMBRA
Miles couldn’t remember the last time he had seen daylight. He had very little notion of time. He felt like he slept a lot and ate very little but he couldn’t be sure about either. Monroe had yet to visit him, or torture him, and all Miles could think about was how devastated Charlie must have been when she found out he had been taken.

He wasn’t able to protect her anymore. Charlie could die before him – something he had sworn to himself (and Rachel) that would never happen. His only reprieve was the fact that Nora was with Charlie and Nora wouldn’t leave Charlie’s side and would protect her until (if) they were reunited again.

OBSCURITY
They had three factors in their favor (and about a million against them): the relatively low security, the element of surprise and the obscurity of the night. The low security was due to the war with Georgia and Monroe’s loss of his amplifier.

Happy to use her newly acquired skills, Charlie helped Nora build some bombs. Their plan was simple: bomb their way into the prison and rescue Miles.

It worked like a charm.

Bombs detonated at the same time all around the prison, creating a firework in the dark night. It didn’t take long for Nora and Charlie to acquire rifles and fire their way into the building.

They only had to find where Miles was kept.

DIMNESS
Miles opened his eyes to find himself in another dark room, but this one had daylight coming from a window covered by curtains. He attempted to sit up and realized that his body was aching everywhere. He saw someone moving from the corner of his eye.

Charlie.

She approached the bed he was lying on and sat at the edge of it. She smiled at him and he attempted to sit up once again. She put a hand on his shoulder and gently forced him to lie back down.

“We think you felt some of the bomb shocks and hit your head. You need to rest for a little bit,” Charlie explained to him in a soft voice.

Miles brought a hand up to his head and felt gauze wrapped around his head. He winced as he felt his touch reverberate in his swollen head.

Charlie took his arm and made him lower it onto the bed. “Just relax,” she told him. “You need it. You’re safe now,” she said, a smile still on her lips.

“It’s supposed to be me who keeps you safe – not the other way around,” he quipped drily.

“How about we take turns?” Charlie suggested as she threaded her fingers in his hair. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation and fell asleep in the warmth and comfort of Charlie’s presence.

SHADE
She lied in the sun, enjoying the spring heat on her skin, eyes closed, but still had sunglasses on her nose. They were old and scratched but they represented a luxury in which she hadn’t indulged in a long time. For the first time in months, she felt like she could finally relax. This was definitely not the end of her tribulations but she readily accepted the reprieve this small cottage provided. The amplifier was destroyed (thus also Monroe’s substantial advantageous power) and Miles was with them, safe. Nora had proved to be a loyal friend – and Charlie had recently realized how rare it was to find a friend like that.

Despite her closed eyes, she felt a presence shielding the sunlight from her. When she opened her eyes she saw Miles looming over her. “You’re blocking the sun,” she reprimanded him.

“You’re going to get sunburned,” Miles teasingly scolded.

“I don’t care. Join me.” She sat up and took his hand in hers, tugging at his arm so he would sit down next to her. He sat down obediently and looked at her expectantly. “Now, lie down,” she instructed him, lying down as well. When they were both on their backs, the sun in their face, she said, “now close your eyes and enjoy the sun.” She turned her head and watched him as he closed his eyes, a very small smile beginning to form. “Feels nice, doesn’t it?”

He lightly squeezed her hand. “Yes, now close your eyes as well.”

She smiled and turned to face the sun again, closing her eyes. She could get used to this.

DUSK
Putting his spoon down as he finished his soup, Miles looked at Nora who was still eating and seemed to be lost in her own world. It was strange how the old yearning feelings for her were now gone and were replaced by the comforting blanket of friendship. He knew he could count on her for anything – and most of all on keeping Charlie safe – which she had proved these last few months. Leaving Nora to her own thoughts, he got up from the table. At the sound of his chair racking against the floor, Nora looked up at him. Guessing where he was going, she gently smiled at him. He wondered if she knew how deep his feelings for Charlie ran but he preferred not going there. Things were complicated enough.

He found Charlie sitting on a tree trunk looking out to the horizon. It was almost night time and the faint sunlight outlined Charlie’s features. She looked angelic. He sat down next to her and she rested her head on his shoulder. Happy to be able to indulge in a bit more intimacy than he would allow himself in front of Rachel, he wrapped an arm around her, drawing her closer to him.

“Don’t leave me again,” Charlie whispered, breaking the quiet stillness.

Miles gently kissed the top of her head as he looked into the distance. “Promise.”

THE END

Revolution fic: If These Wall Could Talk

2013-01-01T15:51:46Z

Title: If These Walls Could Talk
Author: Cat
Rating: PG
Fandom: Revolution
Pairing: Charlie/Miles
Summary: Miles is willing to do whatever it takes to keep Charlie safe.
Spoilers: Up to 1x10 - Nobody's Fault But Mine – A/U from that episode.
Beta: fading_ripples
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: Second of 3 Secret Santa fics for mercscilla. Prompt: Memories (It’s a bit of a stretch but it did prompt the idea for this fic )
Also, this is very likely the first chapter of a much longer fic. I’ll see if I’m inspired to write more.

. . .

Miles looked around his old room. Not much had changed. He had an inkling that no one had been in this room since he had stayed there. It felt eerie being here – his life had changed so much. He had changed so much. He wondered if he would revert back to his old self by being surrounded by memories of those times.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. “Yeah?” he called out.

“Sir, General Monroe would like to see you,” a man said through the door.

Miles sighed. Time to face the music. There was a world of difference between having an idea and living it. He walked out of the room and followed the men, armed men. Monroe didn’t trust him quite yet. When Bass’office door opened, not only did it reveal the General, but also Charlie. Immediately Miles’ hand went to his knife, an action not lost on Monroe.

“Calm down, Miles. We did let her go,” Bass told him holding one hand up in a gesture to hold him off. He glanced at Charlie before looking back at Miles. “She walked in here of her own volition,” he explained.

Charlie, who hadn’t taken her eyes off Miles since he walked in, said, “I thought you were taken prisoner.”

Miles took the few steps separating him and Charlie. “You have to go back, Charlie.”

Charlie shook her head. “Not without you.”

Miles looked straight at Charlie, trying to hide his emotions. “I’m staying here, Charlie. I’ve made my choice.”

Charlie looked shocked and hurt. “Miles…”

“Go back to your mother and Danny,” he told her. “Monroe has promised to leave you alone.”

Something flashed in Charlie’s eyes. Miles wasn’t sure what exactly, but her whole expression changed from hurt to determined. “Then I’m staying as well.” She turned to Bass and said in an almost submissive tone, “If you’ll let me.”

Monroe smiled. “It’s up to Miles. I’m happy to have you around.”

Charlie looked back at Miles who had been staring at her the whole time. She looked at him with hope. “You should be with your mom and brother.”

“I’d rather stay here,” she said stubbornly.

An idea flashed in Miles’ head. “Fine, but go tell your mother what you’ve decided to do. Your family will be looking for you if you don’t.”

“Fine,” Charlie said leaving the room, two armed guards following suit.

Before she left the room, Miles grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispered in her ear. Charlie looked at him confusedly as she pulled away. “See you soon,” she said light-heartedly before leaving the room.

“You don’t think she’ll come back,” Bass said as soon as the door was closed behind her.

Miles turned around to face Monroe. “No. Her family needs her. She won’t be able to leave them.”

Bass nodded. “She’ll be with her family and you’ll be with yours. All’s right in the world.”

“Yeah, something like that,” Miles half-agreed. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m going back to my room to sleep for three days.”

Monroe smirked. “Life as a fugitive wasn’t restful, was it?” Miles just shrugged. “Do I wake you if she comes back?” Bass asked him as he turned to leave.

“She’s not going to come back.”

“She seemed pretty keen on staying with you. She’s got a soft spot for you, that one.”

Miles gave him an evil eye. “She’s my niece,” he said firmly, almost angrily.

Monroe’s smirk turned into a full wide smile. “Well, technically, she’s not.”

“Leave it alone, Bass,” Miles warned him. He was suddenly extremely tired. Too much had passed in the last three days. He left the room, hoping his trick had worked and Charlie wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back.

. . .

A few hours later, a loud knock on the door pulled him out of a dreamless sleep. Before he had time to regain his bearings and realize where he was, the door was gently pushed open and Charlie went through it, closing it behind her. Miles’ face lit up at the sight of Charlie but quickly fell down when he realized she hadn’t stayed with Rachel and Danny like he had hoped.
“Monroe led me here,” Charlie explained, approaching the bed. Miles shifted toward the center of the bed so Charlie could sit down.

“All you did to get Danny back and you left him,” Miles said accusingly.

“We saved Danny. He’s safe. That’s what matters.”

“So what’s the plan? What are you going to do now?”

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know. Help you with whatever you have planned.”

Miles put a hand over her mouth. “Walls have ears, Charlie.” Flashbacks to a time when he spoke to others about Monroe getting out of control, about doubting the righteousness of the Republic, about doubting his loyalty to his best friend came back to him. It had cost him greatly back then. He had to be careful this time. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” he reprimanded, taking his hand off her mouth. “I don’t have anything planned. I’ve really come back. It’s the deal I’ve made with Bass: I come and you are all safe.”

Charlie sat back quietly, taking in what he had just told her. She was pensive for a few moments before leaning in closely. Her mouth to his ear, she whispered, “I know you haven’t really joined the Militia. Whatever you do, I’ll be right here with you.” She leaned back and smiled at him.

Miles didn’t have an exact plan. All he knew was that Charlie was much safer if he was on Monroe’s side. He also had a much better chance of defeating the Republic through deceit than weapons. He cupped Charlie’s face. He didn’t know what he did to earn her loyalty. He didn’t deserve it but he was grateful to have it.

. . .

The End.

Revolution fic: M for...

2013-01-01T15:32:16Z

Title for...
Author: Cat
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Revolution
Pairing: Charlie/Miles
Summary: It's hard to want something you can't have.
Spoilers: Up to 1x10 - Nobody's Fault But Mine.
Beta:fading_ripples- As always, the only one I trust with my terrible writing despite the fact that she knows nothing about this show.

Dislcaimer ll characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes irst of 3 Secret Santa fics for mercscilla. Prompt: Pretend

. . .

The word exhaustion barely covered the way Charlie was feeling. Now that she knew Danny was relatively safe, she didn’t have the energy she had when she traveled to rescue him. She tried not to let it show but she had seen Miles looking at her sideways when she rested a few seconds against a tree or closed her eyes to temporarily shut her brain down. She had pretended not to notice it and attempted to walk closer to Danny and her mother and a bit further away from Miles.

They were on their way to Denver to recover one of the pendants. Monroe was currently concentrating its efforts on Georgia so they were hoping they would reach Denver before Monroe turned to Plains. They had to do everything they could to prevent Monroe getting a hold of all the pendants.

They were still in the Monroe Republic, a few days walk away from the Illinois-Missouri border. Charlie didn’t know how she would be able to manage walking all the way to Colorado. They had settled on high ground for the night, Nora taking first watch and her mother, second. Charlie was eternally grateful that her turn to keep watch was not until the next night. She lied down and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would claim her quickly.

Not long after she had closed her eyes, she heard the rustle of leaves and felt someone close to her. She slowly opened her eyes, hoping to see Danny, or even her mother, but it was Miles’ worried eyes that greeted her.

“Hey,” Miles said in his rough voice.

She smiled a little, hoping to alleviate whatever worried him. “Hi,” she answered. Miles lied down next to her as close as possible without actually touching her body with his. He was looking up at the sky and Charlie hoped that he was lying next to her because of his overprotectiveness of her and not because he wanted to start a conversation.

Her desire seemed to be fulfilled when he lied there for a few minutes without saying anything. Miles’ breathing evened which told Charlie that he probably fell asleep. She closed her eyes again and willed herself to sleep. She tried to ignore the sound of his breathing that seemed so masculine – how can breathing be masculine? But it was. She could also feel heat emanating from his body and she had to control herself so she wouldn’t scoot closer and wrap her arms around him.

“You’re tired,” Miles said softly, almost as he was sharing a confidence. Charlie opened her eyes in surprise and turned to look at Miles. He had turned to his side, stretched out facing her, supporting his head with his hand. His other hand reached out to caress her cheek and she suppressed the urge to turn her head in his caress and kiss his hand. Instead, she concentrated on what he had just said.

“We all are,” she replied back, hoping to diffuse his worry.

He cupped her face at her jawline and softly rubbed his thumb on her cheek. The gesture was so intimate that if Miles hadn’t been her uncle, she would have thought that it meant more than simple platonic affection. She could feel that he wanted to take her in his arms and there was very little that she wanted more than that but her mother was close and somehow Charlie knew that she wouldn’t approve. So instead, Miles moved his hand to her shoulder and gently pushed her down on the ground.

“Rest, then. You need it. Nothing will happen to you – I’ll look out for you.”

She smiled and closed her eyes. She fell into the deepest sleep she had in months.

. . .

The next day, Charlie felt a lot more energized after having had such a good night’s rest. She knew her energy was temporary but she was grateful for it while it lasted. She happily talked with Danny, telling him in more details than she had before, everything she had been through while trying to get him back. She was telling him about her time on the Militia recruitment ship when her mother took a couple of strides in their direction and interrupted her, eyes wild with concern. She grabbed Charlie’s arm and lifted up her sleeve, revealing the ‘M’ scar she had been sporting the last couple of months.

“You got branded?” she asked Charlie, clearly not really believing what was right in front of her.

Charlie nodded awkwardly. She had tried to forget about the branding and its meaning. She looked at Miles who was looking intensely at her, guilt written all over his face. She unsuccessfully tried to convey that she didn’t blame him at all. Her mother followed her line of sight and turned to Miles.

“You let this happen,” she accused him. “Now people will think she was Militia. She’ll be persecuted because of this.”

Miles’ guilt turned into fury. “Don’t you think I know that?” he shouted at Rachel. “I would do anything to erase this scar from her arm, but I can’t!”

Rachel marched up to Miles and hissed: “You were supposed to protect her.”

Both Charlie and Danny stared at them, dumbfounded to see the two fight. Sensing this, Nora put a gentle hand on Charlie’s back, urging her to keep walking. “Come on,” she told the siblings. “Let’s keep going.” They followed Nora’s instructions and kept walking, going around their mother and Miles, trying to ignore the imaginary daggers they were throwing at each other. As they walked on with Nora and Aaron at their side, they could hear the voices of the two in-laws fighting behind them. Charlie momentarily stopped to turn around and caught Miles’ gaze. His lips turned slightly upward in an almost smile, an attempt to reassure her. This was not lost on Charlie’s mother who quickly turned to see who had captured Miles’ attention. Rachel’s facial expression and body language changed as soon as she realized that Miles had been looking at Charlie. She turned back to Miles, significantly lowering her voice and Miles did the same. Charlie could barely hear that they were talking at all. She looked at them, trying to guess what they were talking about until Aaron called out to her to keep going, assuring her that Miles and Rachel would catch up.

. . .

She never found out exactly what her mother and Miles had been talking about but she was fairly sure that it had something to do with her and her relationship with Miles. Ever since his fight with Rachel, Miles had been distant from her. He barely spoke to her and always walked several feet away from her, ensuring that there was always at least one person between them. She still caught him looking at her from time to time but he always looked away when she did.

She was angry at her mother for driving a wedge between her and Miles. She knew that Rachel and Miles’ relationship was complicated and that he was the one who had taken her mother prisoner in the first place. She had never been given the details but she hadn’t wanted them: he wasn’t the same man he used to be. She saw him change every day. Her mother saw it as immature idealization and naivety but her mother’s judgment was also clouded by resentment and jealousy. Miles, Aaron and Danny were the three people who had never let her down – that she could rely on. She also trusted Nora now, knowing that the train bombing incident was a thing of the past and a lesson learned. She still wasn’t too sure about her mother and Danny seemed to have confirmed her suspicions. It would take time for Charlie to get to know her mother again.

Her mother wasn’t doing herself any favors, however, by taking away the person Charlie relied on the most. But Charlie wasn’t someone to take things lying down. She would confront Miles at the first opportunity she had, which came less than 48 hours later when the group came upon a lake and all agreed to wash up in turns. Miles went in last and Charlie slipped out of their temporary settlement to sneak back to the lake.

The water covered his body up to his mid torso and it was dark enough not to reveal anything private to Charlie. She saw Miles reach for his knife on reflex when he heard Charlie’s footsteps. He visibly relaxed once he recognized her, but then got tense again as he realized that he was alone with Charlie.

“You shouldn’t be here, Charlie,” he told her sternly but Charlie wasn’t impressed.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Miles looked down. “I’m not avoiding you,” he said meekly, hardly putting any effort into the lie.

“Bullshit,” Charlie said angrily. “What did my mom say to you?”

Miles looked at her and opened his mouth to answer her, but closed it again before saying anything. Charlie sat by the bank and put her hands on his shoulders. She tried to ignore how their shape and hardness turned her on. She looked into his eyes and encouraged him to speak by saying “Miles” gently and with affection.

Miles sighed and dropped his gaze to the water. When he looked back at her, he seemed sad. “You shouldn’t be spending so much time with me, Charlie. I’m not a good role model. You should get to know your mother better and enjoy having Danny back.”

Charlie shook her head, confused. “I’m already spending time with Danny and it will take time with my mother. It can’t happen overnight.” What Miles was saying to her didn’t make any sense. They had gotten so close. Why had it all changed so suddenly? Why did he think that he could influence her even more than he already had? What had her mother said to him?

“And I’m the reason she was taken away in the first place, Charlie. Why do you ignore this? Why do you pretend that I’m not the awful person that I am?” His eyes were pleading with her and she wanted to kiss him. It took her aback. She had craved his touch and affection but she had never wanted to kiss him before. She had wanted to give him the odd chaste kiss on the cheek or hand but she had never had the desire to kiss him fully on the lips, to slip her tongue inside his mouth and be as close to him as possible. She felt weird in the pit of her stomach.

She pushed the feeling down, doing her best to ignore it. “I’m not pretending anything, Miles. You did awful things in the past – I think you were lost and now you’re slowly finding your way back.” She had tears in her eyes and felt a bit embarrassed about it. She moved her hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck and leaned into a hug, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Miles ran his fingers through her hair affectionately. She wasn’t entirely successful at ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered in her ear. She nodded, not trusting her voice, hoping he would feel it. “We have to stay away from each other for a little while. We have to let time pass a little. It’s better this way.”

Charlie wanted to ask why but knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with whatever vague answer he would give her. Instead, she preferred to enjoy the last few moments she had alone with Miles for a while. And when Aaron asked her why she was wet later when she got back to the group, she merely shrugged and said she hadn’t completely dried herself off when she put her clothes back on.

She ignored the concerned look her mother gave her.

. . .

Miles didn’t mention Charlie’s exhaustion since the night he had slept by her side until they crossed the Illinois border into Iowa and finally left the Monroe Republic behind them. Three days after they crossed the border, they were all sitting in a clearing nearby a town, sharing the little food they had, except for Miles and Nora who had gone somewhere. Charlie tried not to be bothered when Danny made a lewd suggestion about what they went off to do. They were gone for several hours and even Rachel began to worry when they saw the sun began to lower down in the horizon. Charlie’s worry that they had gone to relieve some tension faded into an even bigger worry that something bad had happened to them.

But finally, they heard their footsteps as they approached their settlement. They had a bag full of gold and Nora was grinning ear to ear, her eyes wild with excitement. She explained that she and Miles had done a couple of favors for the Plains Militia and that they had been vastly rewarded for it. After reassuring Charlie that she wouldn’t have condemned anything he and Nora had done, Miles suggested that they take rooms in Bloomfield and rest for a few days. This was met with very little protest as they had more than 700 miles to walk before they reached their destination.

The first night they stayed in the warm and dry inn and slept in comfortable and clean beds, Charlie slept 14 hours straight. She woke around noon the next day and noticed immediately that Danny wasn’t in the room. She washed up and got dressed quickly. She first knocked on her mother and Nora’s door to see if anyone was there but when she didn’t get any answer, she moved onto Aaron and Miles’ room. She knocked softly, expecting Aaron to still be sleeping. He wasn’t used to physical activity when they were living in their village so she had been surprised when he had held up for so long. The voice greeting her, however, hadn’t been Aaron, but Miles.

She hesitated before opening the door – they hadn’t been alone together since the lake and had barely spoken to each other in days. She expected Miles wouldn’t be comfortable with her coming into his room – he probably didn’t expect her at the other side of the door – which he confirmed by asking “Nora?” in a rough, sleep-induced voice. Hearing him say Nora’s name made her want to confront him and she opened the door. He sat up when she entered. He was naked with a sheet barely covering his groin. She tried really hard not to blush but didn’t think she was too successful. Miles fumbled a bit, trying to cover his lower body a little better.

Charlie focused on his face and asked, “Where is everybody?”

Miles frowned. “They’re all gone? What time is it?” He looked around the room for a clock.

“12:20. They might have gone to get some food. Have you been sleeping all this time as well?” Of course Miles had been as tired as she had been, if not more. He was always trying to be so strong – it sometimes made her forget that he had the same issues as them all. Exhaustion was one of them.

Miles’ face lit up. “You’ve been sleeping then?” Charlie nodded and Miles’ eyes brightened. “You slept well? Do you feel better?” His concern brought a warm feeling all over her body.

She sat next to him on the bed and smiled. “Much better. I had forgotten what it felt like to sleep in a warm bed.”

He smiled back, which made her smile even wider. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him smile, if ever. His eyes were locked on hers and Charlie felt like how things used to be between them – before they had found her mother. She then realized how close she was to him, that if she moved just a little, she could kiss him.

As soon as the thought entered her head, she leaned in carefully and watched as Miles’ gaze dropped to her lips and he moved forward to meet her. But before their lips could touch, he leaned back and said, “No, Charlie.”

She blinked in surprise and moved back as his face once again closed off. “Why?”

“I’m you uncle, Charlie.” He pointed out, his voice rough and strained.

Charlie shook her head. She didn’t see him that way – hadn’t since the day they met. He hadn’t raised her; he hadn’t even been around her entire life. He didn’ feel ike an uncle. “But it doesn’t matter. We didn’t know each other until a few months ago. We’re not even blood-related.”

Miles seemed taken aback. “You know?”

“Yes!” Charlie exclaimed. “Dad told Danny and m years ago.”

“I’m still officially your uncle,” Miles insisted. “Charlie, I’m the first man you’ve had around you who hasn’t watched you grow up. It’s hardly surprising that you’ve developed certain…” he hesitated to find the right word, “feelings.” He sounded patronizing and she held back the urge to slap him.

Charlie shrugged, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. “And you feel nothing?” she spat back.

Miles sighed, visibly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Not nothing, but not the way you want me to. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I’ve taken it out on you in a moment of weakness. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry, Charlie.” He looked at her and did seem really sorry. She could barely breathe. She had only been a (inappropriate – according to him) distraction. He didn’t feel the same way. She had thought so for a long time but the way he had acted the last month or so had made her believe that her feelings might be reciprocated.

She blushed in shame and looked down at her hands clutching the bed sheet. She suddenly became aware again of his nakedness and, embarrassed, she got up and fled out of the room. She faintly heard Miles calling after her, but she didn’t want to continue this very humiliating conversation. She had always known that her feelings for Miles were inappropriate but she hadn’t thought of acting on them until she had (wrongly) thought that he felt the same. She had realized that the feelings had begun because she didn’t look at him as a family member. The way she felt toward her dad, Danny, her mother, Maggie and even Aaron was nothing like the way she felt about Miles. And with the way the world was, did some ancient taboo really matter?

Apparently, it did.

. . .

Miles didn’t have to worry about Charlie acting like a lovesick teenager. Instead, she talked to her mother about the pendants and their technology. She wanted to learn as much as possible. She wanted to be useful and less bloody in this war. Concentrating on the pendants distracted her from the pain of Miles giving her the cold shoulder. She hadn’t realized how close they had really become until his friendship was taken away. Miles used to talk to her about strategy, about how he felt (well, as much as Miles could share his feelings). Now, he turned to Nora, or no one at all.

The only time she and Miles were ever alone was when they went hunting together. Sometimes, Nora or Danny accompanied them but Miles and Charlie were generally more skilled hunters and it was best to keep Nora and Danny as protection with the other two. When they went hunting, their conversation was generally silent and when they spoke it was limited to the task at hand.

One day when they were hunting in a forest in Iowa, not too far from Des Moines, Miles handed her a thick leather bracelet. She frowned, not understanding why he was giving this to her. When she took it, he gently grabbed her wrist. Pulling her sleeve up, he revealed her scar. He lightly traced the lines. Her eyes were on him, trying to decipher his facial expression. His eyes were downcast, so it was difficult to tell, but he seemed sad. His face when he first saw the scar months before flashed in her mind’s eye. The guilt had been so evident despite that the scar hadn’t in a way been his fault. The day her mother had fought with Miles about her – the day that triggered the awkwardness between them – was the day her mother had seen the scar.

“To cover your scar,” he explained.

“You know, this scar reminds me of you.”

Miles visibly recoiled at her statement so she tried to explain: “It reminds me of everything we’ve been through together and how you’ve been by my side the whole time. I would have never gotten Danny back without you. This will always remind me of it.”

“You know, the ‘M’ also stands for Matheson,” Miles said softly, barely above a whisper.

Charlie looked up, smiling. This revelation got rid of almost all negative connotations she could have had about this scar. It changed everything. “Really?”

“Yeah. Don’t really like to advertise it though,” he smirked and Charlie smiled, looking at her scar. Nothing may ever happen between them but she’ll always carry him with her, no matter what.

. . .

The End.

Gossip Girl Fic: War and Peace

2011-03-09T17:56:04Z

Title: War and Peace
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Dan/Blair
Summary: 02. Distraction: He tries really hard not to think about Blair and fails miserably.
Spoilers: Up to Damien Darko (4x13) -- diverges after that episode.
Beta: fading_ripples -- for editing and holding my hand throughout this fic even though you know nothing about Gossip Girl!
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: I’ve written in several fandoms before, but never Gossip Girl. I’ve also been watching Gossip Girl as pure brainless entertainment for 3 years without really caring much about who’s dating whom and all that. I did like Chuck and Blair (mostly because Blair’s my favourite character) and enjoyed watching their relationship until he sold her off for his hotel. That completely turned me off their couple. Anyway, I finally noticed the Dan/Blair potential in 3x18 and have been rooting for them ever since. I’m really hoping they turn out to be endgame since more and more people (including myself) are moving from the Chuck/Blair camp to the Dan/Blair one.

Finally, this fic is basically a series of ficlets that sort of tell a story (not in chronological order) about Dan/Blair for about 9-10 months. I found it a fantastic exercise for my first dab into the world of Gossip Girl and Dan/Blair. My beta came up with the 25 random words.

~o~

War and Peace

~o~

01. Strong

Blair Waldorf is nothing if not ambitious. She has always wanted to be on top. She wants to be above everyone else, above their scrutiny, pity and derision. She has promised herself to never put herself in a position of vulnerability, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. With Chuck, her vulnerability has shown a little, but she has been able to hide behind their mutual love for games and schemes.

It so happens that it is something that’s impossible to do with Dan Humphrey. His honesty, integrity, and complete lack of interest in games (he could be persuaded to participate in random schemes) prevent her from hiding her vulnerability. Humphrey forces her to show her vulnerable (weak) side, so she keeps him at arm’s length. Blair Waldorf is not going to doubt herself because of someone like Dan Humprey.

It takes her months to realize that despite exposing more and more of her vulnerability to him, Blair has never felt as strong as she is when Dan is by (and on) her side.

02. Distraction

During the spring semester of his sophomore year, Dan tries to focus on his studies. His internship in the spring isn’t turning out to be exactly what he had been hoping for. He has to do better in school and be prepared to land the best possible internship next year.

He tries really hard not to think about Blair and fails miserably.

03. Pretty

She finds herself fascinated by Dan’s looks. For years he was no more than Brooklyn impersonated, Serena’s version of experimentation. She never really paid attention to his physical appearance (except for his horrible taste in clothes). Of course she did notice that he’s fairly good looking but his other ‘qualities’ (being from Brooklyn, bad taste in clothes, judgmental, self-righteous) took precedence over his good looks.

As she begins to spend more time with him, she notices him more. He doesn’t have the classic boyish good looks Nate possesses and he certainly doesn’t have the sexy and dangerous vibe that Chuck gives off. It’s really hard to pinpoint the kind of looks he has. In the end there’s only one word that comes to mind: pretty.

Blair decides that pretty boys have an irresistible charm to them.

04. Reading

Since Dan’s alternate internship isn’t turning out to be exactly the one he had been hoping for, he doesn’t invest too much time and energy on it. Instead, he spends it reading. A month or so after his internship had started, Blair had been at the loft for some reason he couldn’t really remember now. She had perused through his novels while he had been fixing her a cup of green tea. The next day he had received an email from her with a list of book recommendations. Since that day, Dan has been going through that list one by one. He writes comments in the margins and flags them with a post-it bookmarker before handing the book to Blair. Sometimes she keeps the book (he has seen Gaskell’s North and South on her nightstand) and sometimes she gives it back to him with remarks on his notes. Whenever he gets a book back (sometimes through Serena or Nate, and even once Dorota stopped by his office to drop P.G. Wodehouse’s Thank you, Jeeves), Dan feverously reads her comments to see if she agrees with him or not. He can hear her voice as he reads them. They become his favorite books.

05. Awake

Her internship (on top of her classes) completely drains Blair. One Saturday night while watching Funny Face (not her favorite Audrey Hepburn movie) in her room with Dan, she falls asleep, her head resting on his lap. She only becomes aware of this when she wakes up some time later. The movie has ended and Dan’s watching Saturday Night Live. She can feel him shake as he softly laughs at the jokes. His fingers are lightly running through her hair. It feels comfortable.

She doesn’t move an inch, making sure he doesn’t notice that she’s awake. Blair closes her eyes letting his soft chuckles and gentle fingers lull her back to sleep. She hopes she’ll remember this moment in the morning.

She does.

06. Snow

Blair doesn’t know when and where she and Dan had their first kiss (she finds out months later).

There’s a masquerade ball at the end of March. There’s a reason for it (charity, huge business deal, new drapes in someone’s foyer – he can’t remember) but any concern he would have had for the occasion is trumped by Blair walking in. She’s dressed like what he has always imagined the White Witch from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe to look like with her dark hair and fair skin (her inspiration for her outfit is apparently the late snow fall). She’s breathtakingly beautiful and appears to be just as cold as the White Witch. On the other hand, Dan now knows that Blair may look cold on the outside, but she’s warm on the inside.

He’s mesmerized the second she walks in.

At first he is tempted to walk straight to her and just stand by her side, admiring her beauty for the rest of the evening, but as she animatedly talks to people around her, he sees the advantage of watching her from afar with her unaware that she’s so carefully observed. After an hour or so, she bumps into him and excuses herself in a polite, standoffish manner.

She doesn’t recognize him.

The second Dan understands this, an idea creeps into his mind. It’s the best opportunity he’ll ever get. He takes two long strides to reach her, grabs her arm, turns her around and kisses her.

She is shocked at first, but within seconds she responds to the kiss, opening her mouth to invite him in. Her lips are as soft as they appeared to be and the small sigh she lets out as she opens her mouth is adorable. Their tongues dance together in perfect sync; they should have done this a long time ago. He doesn’t want to end the kiss but he knows he’s already pushing his luck, so with one last small, soft, lingering peck on her lips, he leans back and leaves her. He wants to turn back, look at her, see her reaction, but he’s afraid that somehow he might give himself away. He’s afraid that if she realizes who her mystery kisser is, it might ruin everything.

07. Fear

She still thinks about Chuck from time to time. She wonders how close he really is to Raina or if he will lose Bass Industries. She also wonders how his relationship with Lily is going. Most of all, she wonders if he wonders about her. She seems to be completely off his radar at times; her doing, she knows this. But if she still thinks about him, he must be thinking about her.

So she wonders what he would say or think about what she’s been doing and who she’s been hanging out with. She wonders what he would think about her developing friendship with Humphrey. He’d probably insult him. He’d probably insult her as well for befriending Brooklyn. Not that what he thinks should really matter, but it does. At some point she thought Chuck was the love of her life.

What Blair really wonders about is when she stopped thinking that and that’s what scares her most of all.

08. Pretty accent

It’s springtime in New York and Dan doesn’t remember a time when he was so content. He’s sitting across Blair in a small restaurant not too far from the W Magazine offices. She had agreed to have lunch with him, a rare occurrence since she had started her internship. He had found an internship at jazz and blues periodical (which turned out to be three blocks away from the W Magazine offices) after Epperly fired him. Dan hadn’t regretted what he had done to get Blair’s job back for a second. He had seen her work harder than he had ever worked in his life, thus the reason she rarely took time to have lunch outside the office (Dan usually brought her lunch around noon knowing that she probably wouldn’t eat if he didn’t).

Blair is being incredibly rude and is constantly on the phone while they’re eating together. He doesn’t really mind as he enjoys watching her work so passionately. He had known for several years that there was another side to Blair that she didn’t show to many people, but it was nice to see that side more and more often. She doesn’t apologize when she hangs up the phone after talking to someone. Instead, she resumes their conversation as if they had never been interrupted. After the fifth phone call, he finds her passion less endearing and more irritating. He’s about to tell her exactly what he thinks when her phone rings once again. He is startled when she starts to speak in French. He had forgotten that she’s fluent.

As he listens to the lovely sounds coming out of her mouth, he wonders (with a pang in his heart) if one day he’ll be able to convince her to speak to him in French with that pretty accent of hers.

09. Pregnant

When you have a friend like Blair Waldorf who asks what you want for your birthday (emphasizing that you could have anything you couldn’t afford in a million years), taking her on a Subway ride is not what she had in mind.

Why she agreed to it (and didn’t need that much prying and begging – it’s those damn soulful eyes) at all, Blair has no idea. Nevertheless, there she is, on a Sunday (her only true day off of the week since she’s started her internship at W), walking down the steps to the subway station with Humphrey by her side. When they reach the turnstiles, he hands her a metrocard (he’s prepared) and queues at the longest line. When Blair’s about to make a beeline to a shorter line, Dan grabs her and forces her to stay. When she protests, he explains that as a ‘tourist’, she would take longer than a second to go through the turnstile which would aggravate the more regular subway passengers. She huffs and puffs but remains at the line Dan has chosen for them.

It is only when they are standing on the platform with the subway doors opening in front of them that Blair fully realizes what she’s about to be subjected to. She looks at the people in the wagon, at the dirty walls and floor, at the kid screaming in his mom’s ear and she takes a step back. Dan doesn’t take her distress seriously and pushes her inside. There is one seat available next to a clean, nicely dressed woman (Blair will not stand up all the way to Brooklyn nor will she sit next to a dirty, smelly man), and Blair sits down immediately before anyone has any idea of grabbing the seat for themselves. She can smell the Chanel No 19 the woman is wearing and feels satisfied to have located the prime seat in the wagon. Blair looks up at Dan who’s standing in front of her and a trace of a smile forms on her lips. She’s pretty sure that he sees it and grins at her smugly. She frowns back. She will not give him the satisfaction of thinking that doing this for him isn’t a great sacrifice on her part.

The ride is tolerable until a fairly large crowd comes into their wagon a couple of stations later. A pregnant woman is standing next to Dan and Blair hopes someone gives her their seat. After a few seconds, she looks around desperately, but no one has noticed the pregnant woman. Her eyes go to Dan who looks at her expectedly. She sighs and reluctantly gets up. The pregnant woman smiles at her, grateful for Blair’s courtesy. Blair smiles back (tightly and resentfully). She looks at the pole Dan was holding onto. It looks incredibly dirty. She doesn’t want to touch that thing, but when the train jolts into a start and begins to move, she loses her balance and grabs it instinctively. She immediately feels how dirty it is and winces noticeably.

It is absolutely horrible.

Probably noticing Blair’s reaction to touching the pole, Dan wraps an arm around her and tells her to hold onto him instead. Grateful, she wraps both arms around him tightly so she won’t lose her balance and need to grab that horrible, dirty pole again. As she buries her face in his chest, she can smell his Armani cologne (a gift from Lily or Serena, no doubt). She thinks that it isn’t bad after all as she closes her eyes and lets the motion of the train and scent of Dan’s cologne lull her into a lovely daydream.

10. Shoes

The first time she was wearing red Marc Jacobs shoes. He remembers this because the red popped out from the cold, icy white of the bathroom tiles. He was surprised to find her kneeling in front of the toilet, regurgitating her entire stomach’s content. It had been before they were friends, before they even started to sort of hang out together during the Christmas holidays. He thinks that it must have been around Thanksgiving, when the Van der Bass Humphreys got together with the Waldorfs. She caught him staring at her and explained she had a stomach bug. He never thought any more of it.

The second time she was wearing navy blue Burberry shoes. They were sort of friends then. They had gone to a couple of movies together. They even met up for coffee once in a while, talked about school and about their upcoming internships. A morning coffee laced with debate on Tolstoy v. Dostoyevsky (Dan still doesn’t understand how anyone could rate Tolstoy over Dostoyevsky) had been prolonged to lunch. She had been gone to the bathroom for quite some time when Dan had decided to investigate. He had hesitantly opened the door of the ladies room and heard the last bout of vomiting. He had quickly closed the door and had gone back to their table. When she had come back two minutes later, his eyes had gone down, trying to avoid her stare. He had watched as her Burberry shoes clicked on the wooden floor, elegantly following her graceful steps. When she had sat down, she had eyed Dan suspiciously, and then had smiled explaining her long absence by saying that she was feeling really nervous about her internship. She didn’t mention the vomiting but he had assumed that her nervousness had been the reason for it and she had felt too proud to share her weakness with him.

The third time she was wearing green Louboutin shoes, matching the white and green sundress she was wearing. It had happened a good four months after the time in the café. They were all done with their internships and were ready to welcome summer with open arms. Blair and Serena had planned a garden party – although there were no gardens to speak of – instead, there were plants and flowers everywhere in the penthouse, simulating a garden. Dan had thought the party was a pretty cool idea at the time. There were cocktails flowing all over the place so Dan hadn’t thought twice when he found her kneeling by the toilet once again. This time, though, he sat next to her, held her hair and rubbed her back as she emptied her stomach. When it was over, she smiled at him, wiping her mouth, and simply said “thanks, Humphrey” before brushing her teeth. He had shrugged and left the bathroom. Still, something started to nag him when he saw Blair not even ten minutes later all smiles and excitement as if moments earlier she hadn’t puked her guts out from drinking too much.

And this is the fourth time. She is wearing off white Givenchy (yes, he does know who Givenchy is) shoes. The shoes almost match her skin perfectly. This time, though, the veil is lifted. They were spending the incredibly hot July evening watching Gone with the Wind and eating pizza and ice cream at the loft in Brooklyn (Blair claims it’s cooler in Brooklyn than Manhattan). Blair had just excused herself right before the bridge kissing scene between Rhett and Scarlett. Dan followed her, suspicious about why she would willingly miss her favorite scene. That’s when he sees her shoving two fingers down her throat and forcing herself to purge. He swallows the horror he feels, sits down next to her, holds her hair and rubs her back like he had done the previous time. Blair jumps when Dan touches her but keeps on purging. When it’s all over she flushes the toilet, but doesn’t move an inch. Dan tilts his head so he can look at her. Tears are streaming down her face. He grabs a tissue and cleans her up. She avoids his eyes, looks everywhere but at his face. He knows she’s ashamed and refuses to let her feel this way. He never wants Blair to feel ashamed around him. So he does the only thing he can think of: he takes her hand and helps her get up. He leads her to his room, takes off her shoes and clothes, then lays her down on his bed.

Blair closes her eyes (probably trying to avoid looking at him) as he sits down next to her. She turns on her side (toward him, which he thinks is a sign that she trusts him), tucking her hands under his pillow. Dan runs his fingers in her hair while she falls asleep. As he stares at the shoes on his bedroom floor, lying in disarray (something that Blair would have never accepted had she been in her right mind), he thinks that he’ll do anything to help her fight her bulimia.

11. Narcissistic

When Blair gets the P.G. Wodehouse book from Dan, she eagerly anticipates going to bed that night and reading Dan’s margins before falling asleep. She hopes he understands the tongue-in-cheek allusion she made about their relationship when she recommended the book. Jeeves, the servant (Dan), and Wooster, the rich socialite (her), scheming together story after story. She didn’t invent scheming; P.G. Wodehouse did. She is merely following what was established before she rose into the world.

That night when she reads Dan’s comments, she is relieved to see that he does understand the humor behind this book recommendation. He even takes sequences, actions and dialogues exclaiming that it’s him, her or the two of them. She doesn’t add much, just ‘you would definitely say that’ or ‘that’s never going to happen’ and ‘doesn’t so and so remind you of Serena/Nate/Chuck, etc.?’.

He doesn’t comment about it, and neither does she, but she hopes that he also sees how loyal and faithful Jeeves and Wooster are to each other and hopefully she and Dan mirror them.

However, she does notice the book on Dan’s nightstand just like he probably noticed Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South on hers.

He never comments on never getting the Gaskell novel back, which makes her wonder if he knows. She had tried to read in between the margin notes he had written, to see if he saw how alike Margaret Hale and John Thornton they are. They were both from different worlds and stubborn about their lifestyles and principles, strongly believing their upbringing superior to the other’s only to realize in the end that they were not that different.

John Thornton falls in love with Margaret Hale halfway through the novel.

There is no Serena Van der Woodsen in North and South.

12. Relaxing

If a year ago, you would have told Daniel Humphrey that he would find a hot Saturday afternoon spent with Blair Waldorf relaxing, he would have thought you were crazy.
Blair had convinced him to spend the weekend in the Hamptons with her, Serena, and Nate. He had been more than reluctant when she first proposed the idea to him.

First, the Hamptons are the epitome of wealth, snobbery and upper-class – not the most comfortable environment for him.

Second, as the lines between friendship and something more blur in Dan’s head (he doesn’t think they blur as much in Blair’s), Dan doesn’t feel at ease being around Serena and Blair at the same time – to have Nate there on top of it, makes everything even more excruciating. Either Serena or Nate (who both know Dan quite well) is bound to figure out that Dan has the hots for the petite brunette.

Which brings Dan to the point of why he ended up accepting in the end: Blair in a tiny red bikini sunbathing next to him while he reads Neal Cassady poems.

13. Bright

Laughter wakes Blair up on Sunday morning. She walks toward the laughter outside the house. Nate, Serena and Dan are having breakfast while talking animatedly. She watches the trio, unnoticed, and feels completely obsolete. None of them seem to care that one of them is missing, that she’s not sharing their conversation and laughs.

But just at that moment, Dan turns around and sees her. His smile widens and eyes soften as he extends his hand, gesturing her to join them. She sits down on the empty chair next to him and turns to him as he hands her a bowl of blueberries (her favorite). He dazzles her with a much brighter smile than the ones he had just shared with their friends.

She suddenly feels wanted again.

14. Day

It had been very close to the perfect day for him (if somehow he had ended up kissing Blair, it would have been). He and Nate played some volleyball, and then everyone played poker. Dan also spent quite some time lounging next to Blair and finally he went on a walk along the beach with Serena. He had been spending so much time with Blair lately that he had forgotten how much he liked Serena. She was such a lively spirit when relaxed and comfortable (so usually not around her mother). Without her, the ambiance for the weekend would have been completely different.

He also likes to see Serena and Blair spending time together. Serena is really the only true friend Blair has; all her other friends were minions she didn’t care about and ex-boyfriends (or guys who would like to be one). Nate tells him that when Blair’s around Dan, she reminds Nate of how she used to be (before her dad left her mom for another man, before Nate cheated on her with Serena, before Serena left for an entire year with no explanation). Nate looks at Dan straight in the eye when he says this (in a sort of ‘you hurt her, I kill you’ way), making Dan feel extremely uncomfortable. He has no intention of hurting Blair; he just thinks that there is no way Blair would ever put herself in a position to let Dan hurt her.

15. Shower

Nate is the one who catches her. His shock translates in loud exclamations that alert Serena and Dan who run into the bathroom at once. As soon as they see the spectacle in front of them, they start bombarding her with questions. Nate joins in and all she can hear instead of words is a cacophony of sounds echoing through the bathroom tiles.

Blair looks at the water falling down in the shower (her pitiful excuse for being in the bathroom in the first place) and wonders what Dan and Serena had been doing to arrive in the bathroom at the same time. She hates that it bothers her so much. Dan is a good guy and Serena deserves a good person. Blair had told Serena often enough the last few months. Blair will be punished for a long time for not realizing soon enough that the good guy always shows up (although he only had eyes for his ex-girlfriend/step-sister/forever-potential-romantic-interest).

It’s only when she feels a hand on her shoulder that Blair realizes that Nate and Serena are gone (they had closed the door on their way out) and Dan is sitting beside her. She waits for Dan’s speech about what she almost did, but it never comes. Instead, he wraps his arms around her and gently kisses her temple (a friendly kiss). He tells her that she’s beautiful and that even if she were twenty or thirty pounds heavier, she would still be drop dead gorgeous. She shrugs, not really believing him. He knows, so he tells her that he’s going to make sure that one day she will believe it too.

He tightens his arms around her, squeezing her into a suffocating hug. She doesn’t mind; she’s never felt safer.

16. River

Something’s been going on with Blair. Dan finds it difficult to even pinpoint exactly what’s wrong. She’s still the same Blair. She mocks him and criticizes him; she gives him her dazzling smile and twinkling eyes. Still, something is wrong. She’ll be warm with him, then something will cross her mind and she’ll become cold and distant. He tries to see what he says that brings her mood change but he can’t figure it out. He’s sure it has something to do with him because she’s perfectly normal when Nate and Serena are around.

He’s pretty sure the end of their not-so-fake friendship is near.

17. History

Blair has always had a love/hate relationship with Serena Van der Woodsen. She loves her more than anyone else; she can tell her anything and be completely herself with her, but it is hard living in Serena’s shadow. She really hadn’t been spending that much time with Serena around guys lately and the effect she has on them had somehow slipped Blair’s mind.

It all comes back to her when she sees Serena playing around with Nate and Dan. Blair wonders why she had been stupid enough to invite Dan in the first place. Why is she exposing herself to the inevitable comparison with Serena Van der Woodsen? Not only is she destined to lose all battles with any guy, but in this case, we are talking about Serena Van der Woodsen with Dan Humphrey.

They had history.

18. Candy

They haven’t spoken in over a week. Dan’s pretty sure their friendship is over. He just wishes he knew why, although he’s fairly certain that it has something to do with their weekend in the Hamptons. He doesn’t know what has prompted Blair to invite him there in the first place. Maybe she was trying to see if she could deal with having Dan as a friend in a group situation (they really only ever hung out by themselves before that weekend). Clearly, he didn’t pass the test.

He misses her terribly.

So he decides to do one last attempt at salvaging their bizarre friendship. He buys her candy (he knows she has a soft spot for Werther’s Originals) and goes to the penthouse. He takes a deep breath before entering her room. This would be his very last effort. He would leave her alone after this.

When he sees her on her bed, furiously typing (working again) and ignoring his presence, he isn’t sure what to do. He clears his throat to get her attention but she doesn’t look up. Finally, he simply puts the bag of butterscotch candies next to her laptop. She glances at them and smiles softly. She opens the bag, takes a candy and hands one to Dan.

Friendship not dead.

19. Music

She hears a song she hasn’t heard in months. She’s in a Brooklyn cocktail bar with Dan (one of the few respectful places in Brooklyn where she agrees to go). She doesn’t know the name of the song or the artist but she remembers exactly where she’s heard it before: at the masked ball last March when an unknown man grabbed her and gave her a breathtaking kiss. She hadn’t really thought about her mystery kisser that much. She has from time to time wondered why this man had suddenly kissed her without revealing himself, but life has been so busy and demanding lately that she has been too distracted from doing anything more than musing over it once a blue moon. But that night she finds out all her unanswered questions about the kiss.

Because Dan reacts the exact same way she does when the song begins to play.

She thinks back to the few features of the man she had seen and it dawns on her how obvious the identity of her mysterious kisser is.

So Blair does the only thing she can do: she leans in and takes back the kiss Dan had stolen from her so long ago.

20. Disgusting

Their first real date is not long after their weekend in the Hamptons. He takes her to the county fair on Long Island and he can tell she finds the whole idea repulsive. When she had agreed to go out with him, Dan’s first thought had been to take her to a fancy restaurant to wine and dine her properly. Then he thought about how it’s probably Blair’s run-of-the-mill first date.

He pretends to be nonchalant by her obvious distaste for the fair while his whole being shakes on the inside. He thinks he was stupid to go for the original date and really should have stuck with the standard one. He knows Blair. How on Earth did he think that she would ever like the county fair? She pulls a face the entire time and comments on how everything is, well, disgusting. After two hours, Dan stops even trying to make up for the bad venue choice.

When they’re about to leave (much to the relief of both), Dan notices Blair eyeing a dart game stall. He casually asks her if she wants to play (although he’s pretty sure she’s dying to leave) and is surprised when she immediately agrees. He pays for her round, and then pays for another round when she loses. When he pays a third round she hands the dart to him, telling him that it’s his turn to try. He accepts the darts more to avoid an argument than an actual desire to play (he’s an awful dart player).

Out of pure luck (although he sort of pretends it’s all skills), he manages to get two out three darts right in the center of the dart board. He asks Blair to choose the stuffed animal of her choice and she happily asks for the giraffe (‘they’re taller than all other animals’ is the explanation she gives him, but Dan knows she chose it because it was by far the cutest one). Blair smiles the whole way back to Brooklyn.

That night, in the dark, as she lays on top of him (he can feel her breasts on his bare chest and they’re so wonderfully full and soft – he can’t remember a time when he’s been so… content), she confesses to him that no one has ever won anything for her before – bought, yes (all the time), but never won.

He kisses her deeply as he realizes how insecure and vulnerable Blair actually is (he thinks of what his father had said to him about Blair all those years ago – ‘there’s something beneath the surface with people like her that make them act the way they do’) and Dan silently promises to himself to never hurt her the way so many have done before.

21. Swimming

She had never been the center of anyone’s universe. She’s always been an accessory (to Nate, her mother, her father), and at best, a partner-in-crime (to Chuck, Serena). She isn’t the center of Dan’s universe either, but for once, she doesn’t want to. She knows she is important enough that she actually affects his decisions.

To be fair, Chuck had made considerable efforts. After he had made his decisions, he always tried to see how he could negotiate them with her. Before they had been together, Chuck had never taken anyone into account so it had been progress. However, with Dan, even though he doesn’t make his decisions solely according to her, he takes her into account when he makes them (sometimes it’s as stupid as buying that green tea she likes and other times it’s deciding not to go to Warwick in England for a semester and stay with her in New York instead).

And she doesn’t even have to wonder if he’s considering her because every time she looks at him, Blair can see herself swimming in his eyes and knows that she’s there even when she’s not looking.

22. Sun

He has always been partial to blondes, especially blondes with long hair. Dan is pretty sure that’s what first caught his eye about Serena Van der Woodsen. It’s like blondes walk around with the sun in their hair. He’s always been attracted to sunlight. He will sit at the sunny part of an outdoor table. He likes to lie in the sun at Central Park. His idea of best vacation spot is the Caribbean or Rome. The sun’s warm and comforting.

But when he’s lying naked in bed with Blair Waldorf, Dan feels that nothing is more warm and comforting than Blair’s soft body wrapped around his.

23. Nurse

At the end of August, Dan gets really sick.

Who gets the flu in August?

At first, he quarantines himself at the loft, miserable and alone. When Blair doesn’t hear from him for two days (and he doesn’t pick up his phone), she goes to Brooklyn (she spends way too much time there) to see what’s going on. She goes straight to Dan’s room when she lets herself in (she knows where he hides the extra key). It’s dark and smelly and she wrinkles her nose as soon as she steps in. She looks at Dan’s half-conscious form on the bed and around the room, assessing the situation. Without a word she leaves the room and looks around the loft until she finds a closet. Opening it, she smiles, satisfied to have found what she had been looking for. Dan was so predictable. She grabs some clean sheets and goes back to Dan’s room. She orders him to get up and take a shower. He groans, ill and exhausted, but she’s unmoved. A little grumpiness isn’t going to scare her away. She simply grabs his comforter and yanks at it, causing him to roll on the floor. He moans in pain and she just scoffs at his protests. Sensing that there’s no point arguing against Blair Waldorf, Dan does as told.

While he takes his shower, Blair changes his sheets and opens his curtains, letting light into the room. It isn’t a particularly hot day (there was a breeze when she left this morning) so she opens a window to let some fresh air in. Honestly, how is he going to get better without any fresh air? She grabs clean boxer shorts and a t-shirt, and puts them on the bed. She takes all dishes and cutlery scattered around the room and brings them to the kitchen. She starts the kettle before going back to the room with a trash bag. Grabbing all discarded used tissues and other trash, she cleans his room quickly and efficiently. Focused on the task at hand, the fact that she is grabbing dirty, germy trash with her bare hands doesn’t even register. Dan wouldn’t get better until he was in a clean, aired room. She would never understand why boys were such idiots when it came to simple things.

When Dan comes back to his room, he shows his surprise at the rapid transformation. Blair doesn’t acknowledge it and instead shows him the clean clothes she laid out for him. She goes to the kitchen to prepare a cup of hot water with honey and lemon, but notices that he doesn’t have any lemons or lemon juice. She goes to the corner store to get a bottle of lemon juice and some flu medicine. At the store, she notices the magazine rack and takes a few magazines for him. Cosmo grabs her eyes and she hesitates. She should really get back to the city. She needs to get ready for school. Besides, there isn’t much she can do for Dan anyway. She did all she could and at this point, he just has to wait it out.

She grabs the magazine (and Elle and Vogue).

When she comes back, she prepares the cup of hot honey and lemon water and also fills a glass with lukewarm water. When she takes everything to his room, Dan is lying in bed, already looking a lot better than when she first arrived earlier that day. She orders him to take the pills and drink the hot water. When he’s done as she requested (Dan was always so obedient, even sick), she hands him the magazines she had bought for him. He smiles in gratitude and thanks her for everything, assuring her he will call her as soon as he feels better.

Ignoring his comment, she takes her shoes off, grabs the Cosmo she just bought, and sits on the bed next to him. She quickly glances at Dan and she isn’t sure if he’s more surprised or happy that she’s staying.

She isn’t even resentful when she gets the flu a week later and misses the first week of class. She has Dan by her side the whole time.

24. Rage

Their first fight is about Serena.

Dan finds it disconcerting to have so much anger directed at him. During all these years of non-friendship, frenemies, fake-friendship, real friendship and actually dating, Blair has never been really angry with him. This new experience is far from pleasant. He’s always known that Blair has an inferiority complex toward Serena but he hadn’t thought that it would infiltrate into his relationship with Blair. How naïve he had been.

So when Blair feels insecure about him being chummy with Serena, Dan is tempted to explain to Blair in great details how his friendship with Serena doesn’t threaten his relationship with her.

Then he remembers the conversations he had days on end with Serena about their relationship to always come back to the same point, the same argument. So instead of giving Blair a compassionate, heartfelt explanation, Dan simply states that he’s with Blair, that if Serena would ask him tomorrow, next week, next month (and even next year, but he doesn’t tell Blair that in fear of scaring her away) to choose between her and Blair, he would choose Blair without a moment’s hesitation. He tells her that she has to accept this as he has never given her reason to doubt him, that she has to trust him and that he wasn’t discussing this again with her.

It promptly ends the argument and Blair never brings up Dan’s history with Serena again.

25. Challenging

She’s the first one to say ‘I love you’. When she began dating Dan, she had always assumed that if they ever got to that point, Dan would be the first one to say the three words; he’s the writer, the dreamer, the romantic. Of course he was going be the first one to say them.

She doesn’t say the words in the throes of passion, nor over a romantic dinner or movie. Neither does she say them unintentionally, letting it slip before she’s ready to say them. They are at their favorite café (exactly halfway between Columbia and NYU); he’s writing an essay on a Yeats’ 1916 while she’s reading an article for her journalism class. Between two pages, she looks up at him; he’s frowning in concentration (Yeats wasn’t the easiest poet to study), which she finds incredibly adorable. She grabs his hand and squeezes it gently, whispering the three little words so only he can hear them. He looks up immediately as she says them and gives her a dazzling smile that makes her heart skip a beat. He leans over the table and kisses her, whispering the exact same words to her.

It hadn’t been a straight road for them to get to this point and she has a feeling that the road ahead is quite a winding road.

She doesn’t mind; she’s ready.

~o~

The End

~o~

I've spent such a long time on this thing. Please tell me which words were your favourites. I'll give you a cookie :)

Jello Forever May Challenge Picspam - Part 5

2010-05-25T16:09:29Z

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Jello Forever May Challenge Picspam - Part 4

2010-05-25T16:09:17Z

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Part 5

Jello Forever May Challenge Picspam - Part 3

2010-05-25T16:09:09Z

Part 1
Part 2

Part 4
Part 5

Jello Forever May Challenge Picspam - Part 2

2010-05-25T16:09:05Z

Part 1

Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Jello Forever May Challenge Picspam - Part 1

2010-05-25T16:08:59Z

This has taken a couple of years off my life.

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 07. Still Here

2010-05-02T11:02:29Z

Title: Amalgamation: 07. Still Here
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag fic; one episode per chapter.
Spoilers: Up to Seeing Red (1x07)
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 7th part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

07. Still Here

~o~

Lisbon obviously didn't believe that Kristina Frye was a psychic, but unlike Jane, she didn't think the woman was a murderer beyond doubt. Clearly, Jane wasn't comfortable with a reminder of his fraudulent past. Lisbon knew she would have to deal with a childish consultant throughout the case and that's not even counting the rants she'd have to endure when they're home. She’d already had a sizeable sample last night. Nevertheless, Jane was right that she may be, at the very least, a valuable witness. One that certainly was a bit of a pain in the ass.

"Truly, I would love to help you," Kristina Frye told them, "but my practice is bound by the same client confidentiality codes that all doctors abide by."

"You have a professional therapist license with the state?" Lisbon asked, surprised.

Without skipping a beat, Frye answered, "Yes, I do," glancing at Lisbon for a brief second before turning her attention back to Jane.

"Your client's dead," Jane pointed out.

"Her earthly vessel is dead. When her soul completes its journey, I can ask her if it's all right to share her problems with you in more detail. I've recorded all her sessions on CD. If she says yes, I'll give them to you."

Lisbon watched Jane as Frye spoke. As annoying as the woman was, the sparring between Kristina and her husband was quite entertaining.

"Why bother with that?" he asked her. "Why not just ask her who killed her?"

"Of course, I will, but she may not know. Death doesn't grant omniscience."

"You're good."

"I like to think so," Frye replied.

"Yes, you do."

"I think it's important to love oneself. How do you feel about yourself?"

Jane threw his head back, laughing softly. "You tell me. And forget about the $500 an hour. I'm on civil pay."

"Okay. For free then," Frye answered and Lisbon looked down, listening intently. The woman was obviously good and she was curious about what she was going to say. "I think you act assured and arrogant, but inside you are troubled with deep guilt and self loathing. A recent trauma in your past, perhaps? But you're more than a little unstable." She turned to Lisbon. "You have your work cut out for you," Frye told her, looking at her square in the eye. Something passed between the two women. Lisbon cocked her head to the side a bit, almost asking a silent question to the other woman. Kristina Frye looked at her, answering the silent question.

She knew.

Damn California law with having marriage licenses being public.

"You are good," Van Pelt commented.

"Please," Jane retorted, "not to boast but I am quite a well known horrible tragedy. Maybe a half hour on the internet would tell you I'm consumed with guilt and self-loathing."

"One look in your eyes would tell me that. What makes you think I would spend any time researching you on the internet? A little self-involved maybe?" She asked Lisbon, "May I go?"

"Yes. Thank you for your time."

"Feel free to call me," she told Lisbon, "any time."

"We will." Lisbon repressed a smile and then gave a meaningful look to Jane, trying to tell him that Kristina Frye knew.

"What?"

Totally clueless. Definitely self-involved.

~o~

They didn't have time to be alone until Jane got home that night, but as soon as he walked through the door, Lisbon asked:

"You know she knows about us, right?"

"What?" Jane's mind had been somewhere else. "Oh yeah, of course she does," he said once he realized what she was talking about. "I suspect checking marriage licenses was the first thing she did after looking me up online."

Lisbon groaned. "Who checks marriage licenses?"

"Psychics. They try to get as much information on their client before a session, or in Kristina Frye's case, showing off."

Lisbon looked at him, amused. "Are you actually criticizing the woman for showing off? Hypocritical much?"

"Meh, I show off my true abilities. She shows off real abilities under false pretenses," he explained. "Also cops."

"What?" Lisbon asked confused. What did cops have anything to do with showing off fake psychic abilities?

"Cops. They check marriage licenses." He added with a smile, "For victims and suspects, not colleagues or superiors, or even consultants, for that matter."

"This is going to bite me in the ass one day, I know it," Lisbon groaned and added, "By the way, didn't I tell you to play nice with Kristina Frye?"

Jane shrugged as he took his jacket off and put it on a chair. "I did play nice. I could have been much worse."

"Well, play nicer next time," she ordered.

~o~

"Heard from Rosemary's probate lawyer, " Rigsby said to the team the next morning. "Guess who she just added to her will?"

"Kristina Frye," Jane guessed without missing a beat.

"The ink wasn't even dry yet," Rigsby confirmed.

"Kristina told us she knew in advance that Rosemary was in danger," Van Pelt defended Frye. "Why would she tell us if she's guilty?"

"How diabolically clever of her," Jane mused as Lisbon's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Make us dismiss her as a suspect because she made herself look like one."

Lisbon considered this as Van Pelt continued defending Frye. "Or maybe, just maybe, she has a rare and precious gift and is trying to help us."

"A rare and precious gift," Jane repeated. "Tell me," he said to Van Pelt as he got up from the couch to stand next to her, "who gets these gifts anyhow? How come no one has the gift for seeing horse race results? And how come dead people always talk such tedious drivel?"

"Play nice," Lisbon told him. "Van Pelt is entitled to her opinion."

"Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny."

"Who says there's no Easter Bunny?" Rigsby quipped.

They all smiled at Rigsby's humor as Van Pelt's phone rang.

"Van Pelt," she answered. "Oh, hi. Wow. Thanks. Got it, we'll be right over." Van Pelt hung up the phone and turned back to the others. "That was Kristina. She says she's picking up on something."

"Hm," Jane murmured, unimpressed.

"Something that might help us," Van Pelt deadpanned.

"Why don't you go talk to her?" Lisbon suggested to Van Pelt, who smiled appreciatively.

"I'm coming," Jane announced as he put his jacket on.

"Does he have to?" Van Pelt asked her boss.

"If she's conning us," Lisbon explained, "we need to know."

"She isn't," Van Pelt said. "I can tell."

"Behave," Lisbon reminded Jane as they left.

~o~

Lisbon stood by the lake, watching a car being pulled out of it.

"If anyone needs arresting, it's Kristina Frye," Jane told Lisbon as he came to stand next to her. " She knew that Rosemary was in danger. She knew where to find the car. The murder weapon. Which means that she either does have supernatural powers or she was involved in the crime."

"Come on," Lisbon protested. "She simply did what you do so well: with an air of confidence, she made an educated guess. Where else would you dump a car around here? She's a good guesser."

"Well, yes," Jane conceded. "That's a possibility too."

"Yes, and that's what you object to, isn't it?" Lisbon taunted him, amused. "Not that she's a con artist but that she's so good at it. Maybe even better than you." She sure loved to tease him.

"Not at all. I... all right, yes." Lisbon smiled triumphantly, still highly amused.

"Not better than me, mind you, but she is good. And it's the good ones that are the most dangerous," he added somberly.

For a second, she wondered if he was talking about himself.

~o~

Lisbon looked around the bullpen, but couldn't see Jane anywhere. She realized that he must have gone home already. She took a deep breath and tried not to chicken out. She would have preferred talking to Jane before doing this, but at the same time, they kept the marriage a secret for her sake, not his. This was ultimately her decision.

She knocked on Minelli's door and let herself in when she heard "Come in."

She smiled awkwardly at her boss. This was going to be difficult.

"Good job on closing the case, Lisbon."

"Thank you, sir. There's something I wanted to discuss with you, if you have a minute" she said as confidently as she could.

"Sure. Sit down," he gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

She sat down and decided to get straight to the heart of the matter. "Jane and I are married."

Immediately, Minelli sprung forward and opened his mouth. Lisbon held up her hand, asking him to let her finish.

"We have been married since last March. We checked with Personnel and the fraternization rules do not apply with consultants. We have officially declared it to the Bureau and it is mentioned in our Personnel files."

"How come I wasn't made aware of this by Personnel?" Minelli couldn't help but ask.

"We asked for confidentiality," Lisbon explained. "I know I should have told you, but I was afraid it would get out. This could really hurt my career. Even though we're not breaking any rules, I am sure I would be seen as a joke if people knew that I married Jane."

"The fraternization rules are there for a reason, Lisbon. It doesn't really matter much to me that you have found a loophole. I should assign Jane to someone else's team."

"Please don't," Lisbon told him. "Married or not, I am able to keep a much tighter leash around Jane's neck than anyone else. He works well with my team. Besides, doesn't the fact that you had no idea about us prove that we're able to keep our personal and professional lives separate?"

"Hmpf," Minelli grunted.

"Keeping this a secret is forcing us to be extremely careful and we are professional around each other at work. Well, as professional as Jane can be."

"I don't like this."

Lisbon looked down, unable to meet her boss's eyes. "I know."

"You swear this has been cleared by Personnel?"

Lisbon nodded.

"And you keep this out of the office?"

Lisbon nodded again.

"That man will be the death of me. Not only do I have to deal with the AG office, various politicians and an insane amount of lawsuits, and you know I hate lawyers, now he's taken my best agent."

"He hasn't taken me away; I'm still here."

Minelli didn't say anything. She could tell he was disappointed. She had never thought much about his reaction other than his anger. She didn't expect disappointment. She wanted to say something, anything, to make it disappear. She couldn't un-marry Jane. She wasn't sure there was anything to say.

"I'm sorry about all this," was all she could say as she got up to leave the office.

When she opened the door and was about to walk out, she heard Minelli's soft voice, "so am I."

The depth of his disappointment had really been unexpected and Lisbon didn't know how to react to it. So she simply left the office.

~o~

That night she went to bed at around midnight, after waiting for Jane to come home the last several hours. When she married him, she had promised herself never to wait up for him and she had broken that promise more times than she cared to count. Tonight, she wouldn't, so she went to bed as soon as she started to fall asleep on the couch. Once in bed, however, she found herself unable to fall asleep as resentment toward Jane started to creep up in her heart. This absent, volatile husband was the reason why she had disappointed and broken the trust of a man who was as close to a father as anyone else had been in her life.

She heard the front door open and close about an hour later. When the bedroom door opened, Lisbon closed her eyes and forced herself into a deep, slow breathing rhythm. She most likely wouldn't fool him, but he probably wouldn't call her on it. He would guess that she was angry and hurt and would probably wait until the morning for a confrontation. When the mattress creaked under Jane's weight, she felt him roll her over. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as he could. Her face buried in his chest, she could hear his heart beating faster than usual and feel his rapid breathing. Something was wrong.

"Patrick?" she asked, leaning back enough to look at him.

He shook his head and buried his face in her hair. He obviously didn't want to talk about it. She wrapped her arms around him, and closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep. She knew she would wake up in the same position in the morning. He wasn't going to let her go tonight.

As sleep claimed her, Jane softly whispered in her ear, with an edge of despair to his voice, "I love you. I love you so much."

She slightly tightened her arms around him, telling him that she heard him and felt the same.

~o~

To be continued...

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 06. New Couch, New Liver

2010-05-02T10:56:32Z

Title: Amalgamation: 06. New Couch, New Liver
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag fic; one episode per chapter.
Spoilers: Up to Red Handed (1x06)
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 6th part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

06. New Couch, New Liver

~o~

Lisbon sighed.

So annoying.

In front of Van Pelt, of all people.

"Don't you care about your eyes?"

She sighed again. "Yes, Jane, I care."

"Nevada sun is really harsh on the eyes, Lisbon."

"The Nevada sun is the same as the California one. Besides, we don't know if the body's in Nevada."

"In the desert, the sun's rays are far stronger." He rummaged through the glove compartment. "How hard is it to wear sunglasses anyway?"

"I don't see you wearing any," Lisbon pointed out.

"Aha!" Jane exclaimed proudly as he retrieved a pair of sunglasses and handed them to Lisbon. "I'm old. There's nothing anyone can do about my eyesight now. You, on the other hand, have to be careful. You're still young."

Lisbon groaned in annoyance. "Give me a break. You're 3 years older than me." Despite her strong objections, she still took the sunglasses Jane had given her.

Van Pelt silently watched from the backseat the exchange between her boss and the consultant. She was starting to realize that such banter was not a rare occurrence between the two. No wonder Rigsby and Cho took the other car. She admired her boss. Lisbon had the career Van Pelt aspired to have. Now that she was getting to know her better, she also admired the agent that she was. Lisbon was a small woman in a world of big boys, but easily took her place in it. She thought car trips like this one would give her the opportunity to get to know Lisbon better. Unfortunately, getting to know Lisbon better involved listening to Jane and Lisbon bicker for over an hour. Van Pelt was definitely starting to regret her decision not to ride with Rigsby and Cho.

~o~

When Lisbon and Jane got married, they could hardly take a week off together to go on their honeymoon, so they went away for the weekend. Their options were limited so Jane had convinced her to go to Las Vegas. The weekend had been a very good sample of what their married life was going to be. They had arrived late on Friday night and had immediately checked in at their hotel. They had spent the rest of their evening, the night and the next morning in bed. Lisbon had felt loved and appreciated. Then Jane had spent all afternoon gambling. He made tons of money, but got them kicked out of their hotel. Lisbon had been furious. The amount of money he had won barely made up for the fact that they had been kicked out of their honeymoon hotel. He spent the rest of Saturday and the whole of Sunday making it up to her. He first booked a magnificent suite at another hotel. He then spent the rest of the weekend being extra sweet to her. She only forgave him when he used all his winnings on a small townhouse.

So when he suggested that he would gamble while she and Van Pelt would talk with the head of security, Lisbon could barely hold back a smile, their honeymoon flashing in her mind. It had, overall, been a good weekend. Still, she was wary of his gambling and was not overly enthusiastic when he asked her for $100. She reluctantly agreed when he offered to give the money back to her double. Her car suspension had been a little dodgy lately and she wouldn't mind the extra $100 to cover the garage expenses.

When Lisbon gave him the money, Jane changed his promise and confidently told her that he would give her triple the money back. She smiled despite herself. She knew he would. He kissed the money, no doubt reminiscing their honeymoon as well, and went to the tables with one final look at her.

And despite her annoyance at him causing trouble once again, she was secretly thrilled by all the money he ended up winning.

~o~

Jane kneeled down next to the bed to kiss a sleeping Lisbon. She turned over as she woke up. "What time is it?" she asked him.

"Just a little after 12. I only wanted to say good night. Go back to sleep," he whispered as he got up.

"No," she protested and extended her arms to invite him in. "Stay for a bit."

Not needing to be asked twice, he laid on top of her and started to kiss her. "You looked so beautiful today with those emeralds on you."

She chuckled. "Couldn't you have bought us a couch instead? Ours is good for the dumpster."

"I did," he replied as he kissed her neck. "A whole set. It's already in our living room."

"You know," Lisbon said as she began to undress him, "I wonder if we would be having this much sex if we weren't sneaking around in hotel rooms so much."

"Are you saying that you find the secrecy more attractive than me?" Jane feigned hurt.

"Please. Don't even try. You know you're good looking."

"Show me how good looking you think I am," he told her with a twinkle in the eye.

She answered him with a kiss.

~o~

"What was that about?" Lisbon asked as they left the house. "With the son-in-law?"

"Can't tell you," Jane told her.

"Can't or won't?"

"You wouldn't like the answer. Just trust me on this."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Will anyone's life be in danger?"

"No, I swear." Jane held up his hand.

"I am so going to regret this," she said as she got in the car.

~o~

When Jane got back to his house around 5 o'clock that morning, Lisbon was sleeping on their new couch, a blanket half falling to the floor. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but she woke as soon as he closed the door.

"Patrick?"

"Um, who else would it be?" he asked.

She sat up and wrapped the blanket around her. "Where have you been?"

"We caught Jim Meier's killer: his son-in-law."

Lisbon noticed the silver case he was carrying. "What’s in the case? Money? Have you been gambling?"

Jane put the case on the table and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her. "Yes, but it's not what you think. I was just catching Daniel. The money's for a good cause."

"Please tell me it's for therapy," she said as she rested her head against his chest.

Jane chuckled. "No, it's for a liver."

"A liver?" Lisbon asked, confused. "Oh," she simply said once she realized what he meant.

She fell back on the couch as he got up. "I have to go to the hospital now,” he told her. “I'll be back before you leave for work."

She nodded. "I like the couch," she told him as she closed her eyes. She would welcome a couple more hours of sleep while he delivered a massive amount of money to a sick woman.

She had married a good man.

~o~

To be continued...

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 05. Not a Morning Person

2010-05-02T10:53:16Z

Title: Amalgamation: 05. Not a Morning Person
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag fic; one episode per chapter.
Spoilers: Up to Redwood (1x05)
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 5th part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

05. Not a Morning Person

~o~

Lisbon sighed impatiently as they were slowed down by the early morning traffic.

"I said I was sorry."

"I wrote a note on bright yellow paper and put it on the fridge. It said 'coffee' in huge black letters. How could you have missed it?" she asked angrily.

"We've been over this before. I forgot to write it on the list. I'll buy some tonight."

"It's not tonight that I need the coffee, it's right now at," she looked at the car clock, "6:09am when I'm being called into the middle of nowhere on a new case. We haven't even picked up Cho yet and the town's 3 hours away."

"I won't forget the coffee again, promise."

"Hmpf," was all Lisbon said.

Definitely not a morning person. Jane felt sorry for the local sheriff.

~o~

"Good night guys," Lisbon said to the other agents as she opened her hotel room door. "Good work today."

"Thanks," Rigsby said as he and the other two agents walked down the hall toward their own rooms.

Jane, whose room was two doors down from hers, gave her a knowing look before walking into his own room. She'd join him, but she really needed a shower first. What a day. Closing cases didn't occur as often or quickly before Jane was on her team, but it wasn't as exhausting either. Everything always had to be over the top with Jane. Lisbon took her clothes off, went into the bathroom, and turned the shower on. The water became hot quickly and she was thrilled to take a nice long, hot shower. As soon as the water was at a perfect temperature, she climbed into the shower and moaned happily as the water hit her tired body. Heaven. She really needed to relax before she gave Jane a piece of her mind. Suddenly the shower curtain was pulled to the side and a naked Jane climbed into the shower.

"JANE!" she yelled.

"You're calling me Jane now?" he quipped as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I call you Jane when you annoy me," she replied. "What are you doing in here?"

"I didn't want to wait." He buried his face in her neck and then raised his head to murmur in her ear, "You almost died tonight."

Lisbon snorted. "I did not almost die. You're exaggerating."

"You were in an isolated cabin, alone, with a murderer. You almost died."

"You're so melodramatic. I was fine."

He kissed her face. "I don't think you were. Imagine if you hadn't remembered the pineapple scent from the ranger's car?"

"Speaking of pineapple, never ever take a suspect from a hospital to take her to the middle of nowhere again."

He hugged her tighter. "As long as you promise you won't die on me."

"I can't promise that."

"Well promise to try."

"I promise," she whispered

~o~

The next day, Lisbon was relieved to finally be home again. As soon as she was inside the house, she left her suitcase by the door and went upstairs to the bathroom. She locked the door once she was inside. She needed the quiet, alone time to unwind. Her shower was long. She took her time in the bathroom; enjoying the use of her favorite shampoo, body wash and moisturizer. She felt fresh and relaxed when she came out an hour later. When she walked into the bedroom, she noticed that Jane had brought her suitcase and unpacked it for her. She smiled and got dressed. The smile turned into a grin when she smelled a familiar aroma as soon as she walked down the stairs.

"Is that coffee?" she asked Jane, who was busying himself in the kitchen.

Jane grinned proudly. "Picked up some at the local grocery store before we left this morning."

She kissed him on the cheek. "You're an angel."

"Not sure about that," he replied.

At least the next sheriff who’d work with her wouldn't have to deal with a coffee-less Agent Lisbon.

~o~

To be continued...

~o~

Author’s Notes: As an FYI, Jane and Lisbon’s house is described as Lisbon’s house in Red Badge (2x03).

~o~

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 04. Italian Apology

2010-05-02T10:49:25Z

Title: Amalgamation: 04. Italian Apology
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag fic; one episode per chapter.
Spoilers: Up to Ladies in Red (1x04)
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 5th part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

04. Italian Apology

~o~

"I'm disappointed, I'm very disappointed and I'm embarrassed. How could you do this to me? I told the mayor of San Francisco that I was putting my best people on this."

Jane and Lisbon looked at each other. Lisbon was angry and ordering Jane to behave.

"Oh, holy mother, who takes off the freaking labels? I mean what is that? Is this real or is that decaf?" Minelli turned around and asked them, "how am I supposed to know which is which?"

"Mix them both half and half and drink twice as much," Jane advised and looked at Lisbon who was doing her best not to smile. So not that angry after all.

"Who drinks decaf anyway? What's the point?" He turned swiftly around, pointing to Jane as he said to Lisbon: "and what were you thinking, leaving him alone at an event like that?"

"No excuses," she replied, "I mistakenly treated him as a responsible adult."

"I do have a plan," Jane told Minelli, who did not look convinced.

"Which is?" Minelli asked Jane to elaborate.

"First, win the widow's confidence..."

"Aside from her lawyer making an official complaint with the Attorney General," Minelli interrupted, "how is that going for you?"

"She's playing hard to get."

"Jane, you close cases. You close like a fiend so I tolerate you, and I protect you, and I let you make Lisbon's life a misery."

Both Jane and Lisbon showed their agreement on that last statement. At the same time, if Minelli only knew...

~o~

In the seven months he had been married Jane never had to lie about his marital status. Either people assumed from the wedding ring on his finger that he was married or they knew about his story and assumed he wasn't. No one had asked him forthright. Except for Jennifer Sands. She asked him and he lied. He did it for her, for Lisbon. She was the one who wanted all the secrecy. Nevertheless, he felt a pang of guilt when he denied the existence of his marriage to the beautiful widow in front of him.

The whole situation made him sad. He loved Teresa Lisbon and hated denying it to strangers. He should be grateful that Lisbon wanted this secrecy, as trying to seduce the widow was part of his plan to crack the case. He felt, however, a certain repugnancy about this particular scheme. Even though he had absolutely no intention to betray his wife, he didn’t necessarily like the situation either. It explained why he was distracted at the office when Lisbon started commenting on the Sands finances.

"Looks like Sands was bust, all right," she said. "He used to be huge, but he made some really bad calls in IT. Over the past five years, his business has plummeted down to almost nothing. No clients, no income, their indictments and injunctions, the whole nightmare, coming just down the road."

"Strange thing is, until a couple of weeks ago, there was almost $10 million in his personal account in cash, in bonds and in stock, most of it deposited over the last year."

"The business has been dead for years. Where did he get the 10 million from?" Rigsby asked.

"And more importantly, where is it now?" Van Pelt chimed in.

"That's what his killers want to know," Cho said and then addressed Jane: "Hey, are you sure the widow doesn't know where it is?"
"No," Jane said. "She's genuinely broke and genuinely scared."

"You're not soft on her, are you?" Lisbon asked him.

"No. Maybe a little," Jane answered. "We need to talk to the lawyer."

"Bennet?" Lisbon asked. "No, we need to talk to him. You need to stay well away." She paused and then asked, frowning, "Did you say 'maybe a little'?"

"She's a gorgeous, grieving widow." He looked at her. "Of course, maybe a little." Lisbon knew she couldn't hide the hurt and betrayal she was feeling. Jane waved it off. "Don't worry, it's not going to affect my work," he said as he laid down on the couch. "I'm a law enforcement professional. Gees."

Lisbon walked away, angry. Why did he have to make a joke of everything?

~o~

Jane took Van Pelt's seat once she had left the room. Adrianna Jonovic sighed happily when Jane sat down and said, "Ah, the handsome one." Jane smiled at her while Lisbon wanted to take her head off. What was it with the women in Jason Sands life hitting on her husband? Unaware of the relationship between the two people sitting across from the table, Jonovic went on, "Gay, yes?"

Jane grinned and looked at Lisbon. His smile faded when he noticed how annoyed she was. Clearly, she was still angry with him for saying that he might be a little soft on the widow. Unfortunately, things didn't improve much after Lisbon had let Jonovic go. When he grabbed his jacket, ready to take off, Rigsby had asked him where he was going.

"To speak to the widow."

"Oh yeah?" Lisbon asked, barely able to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"I want to know if she knows about the mistress," he explained, avoiding her eyes, but just as he was leaving, he couldn't help glancing at Lisbon one last time. She no longer looked angry. She looked sad. That was definitely worse. He couldn’t dwell on it now though. He had to solve the case first. Then, he would make amends with his wife.

She watched Jane leave. She was never keen on Jane's plans but this one she hated. She wasn't completely aware of what he was planning, but she knew that one of the means to get there was to be nice and sweet to the widow. She wasn't a jealous woman, but it angered her that he did it in her face, knowing perfectly well that she couldn't say anything.

~o~

When Lisbon walked into her house, she could smell wonderful Italian food, which she knew was an apology meal. The table was beautifully set with a manicotti dish in the center. Jane walked to her, a bottle of wine in his hand.

"If you think you're going to win me over with manicotti, you've got another thing coming."

"Come on, Teresa, it wasn't that bad," he said as he opened the wine bottle.

"You tried to seduce another woman," she pointed out. "On a bet!"

"I did tell Rigsby that I couldn't seduce her, which is true. I couldn't when I'm already married."

"You said you wanted to though," she pointed out as she took a sip of wine.

"Well I'm married, not dead. If I had been unattached, it would have been a different story."

"I feel so reassured now," she said sarcastically.

Jane embraced her and rubbed her arms affectionately. "Aw, you know I wouldn't cheat. No woman really interests me other than you."

She closed her eyes and finally let it go. There was no point arguing about this. In the seven months she had been married to Jane, Lisbon had learned that there were things worth fighting about and things that were not. She knew deep down that he had no intention to even remotely cheat on her. This was not worth a fight. Besides, at least she got a good meal out of his latest stunt. She looked at the food on the table. "This looks amazing," she said. "I'm starving. Nothing could tear me away from this table."

"Wanna bet?"

~o~

To be continued...

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 03. United Front

2010-05-02T10:46:43Z

Title: Amalgamation: 03. United Front
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag fic; one episode per chapter.
Spoilers: Up to Red Tide (1x03).
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 3rd part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

03. United Front

~o~

Lisbon turned the radio off, annoyed. Jane always listened to such crappy music.

"You okay?" He asked in his super-concerned voice that made her even more annoyed.

"I'm fine," she replied curtly.

"You don't sound fine."

"Van Pelt's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. It's pissing me off, that's all," Lisbon admitted.

"Ha," Jane said, understanding. "Does she suspect anything about us?"

"What? No, it's something else. Never mind," she said, even more annoyed. Obviously, she didn't like Jane sticking his nose in whatever was bothering her. "What do you think of Flipper?"

"Deflection. Fine. I won't pry for now."

She shot him one of her trademark Lisbon looks. Jane tried not to smile. His wife was beyond predictable. If she only knew how adorable she was when she looked annoyed.

~o~

"You're going to regret this," Dane Kurtik was telling them from the backseat.

"Shut up, Mr. Kurtik," Lisbon said as she looked in the rearview mirror. She glanced at Jane. "How's your nose?"

"Fine. I've had worse."

She smiled. "That you've had."

She wanted to touch him, at least hold his hand, but with Kurtik sitting in the backseat of her car, that was impossible. She didn’t mind keeping her marriage a secret. She liked working with her husband, but she also liked keeping her personal life and working life separate. The secrecy of their marriage assured this separation. There were moments, however, when she wished she could be a wife before a cop. This was one of those moments.

~o~

"Just to let you know I'm suing the CBI and the Attorney General's office for wrongful arrest and unlawful imprisonment and I will drop the suit when they'll fire you," Jane watched Lisbon approaching the bullpen as he listened to Kurtik's little rant, "and Agent Lisbon."

"Best of luck," was Jane only answer.

"You're not scared of me, huh?" Kurtik sounded genuinely surprised. "It's a mistake," he added when Jane didn't respond. He turned around to arrive face to face with Lisbon.

"Keep walking Mr. Kurtik or I'll have to arrest you again," Lisbon told Kurtik as he smirked at her.

"If you were fifteen years younger," he said as he looked her up and down and winked at her, "I might have given you a shot."

As Kurtik walked away, Lisbon and Jane looked at one another. She was disgusted and also secretly glad that Jane had put the CBI and her unit in trouble by insulting Kurtik. Jane, for his part, really felt like punching the son of a bitch. How dare he hit on his wife? Kurtik spoke to her like he would be doing her a grand favor by letting her into his bed. Was he seriously kidding? The arrogant bastard.

~o~

The reason for Lisbon's annoyance came to light as Jane watched her offer advice to the father of the victim, her hands shaking as she handed him a card. She noticed Jane watching when she turned around and gave him a slight nod. He nodded back, agreeing that he would meet her back at their house. He was going to be especially nice to her tonight.

~o~

To be continued...

Castle fic: Five Times Alexis Castle saw Kate Beckett in her Pyjamas

2010-04-23T22:04:16Z

Title: Five Times Alexis Castle saw Kate Beckett in her Pyjamas
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: Castle
Pairing: Castle/Beckett
Summary: Title says it all. For carolune04.
Spoilers: 2x18:...Boom!.
Beta: fading_ripples -- Thanks for editing this little thing :)
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.

~o~

Five Times Alexis Castle saw Kate Beckett in her Pyjamas

01.

The first time Kate Beckett stayed overnight at their house was when Beckett’s apartment blew up.

Alexis had felt lonely as it had also been the first day Gram had moved out. The detective and her dad had brought take-out, and the three of them had dinner together, chatting and laughing. For the first time in her life, Alexis had a strange, fantasy-like feeling that she was part of a traditional family. Every time she saw Beckett in her home after that evening, she kept wondering what it would be like to have her as a step-mother.

She didn’t tell anyone else about this. Those kind of nuclear family fantasies were for children, not 16 year-olds.

~o~

02.

The second time, a few months later, happened to be for babysitting duties.

Neither her father, Beckett or even Gram had dared call it that, but Alexis had been plainly aware that was the purpose of the detective’s stay. Gram had gone on a ski trip with Chet and her dad was on a promotion tour for the second Nikki Heat novel. Rick Castle, as cool a dad as he was, was not comfortable leaving his 16 year-old daughter alone for over a week, and had enlisted the help of the best cop in the city.

They spent the nine days they had together watching chick flicks, eating junk food and gossiping about boys. They also spent a fair amount of time practicing some kick-ass karate and self-defense moves. Alexis did not tell her father that she had learned how to chop someone’s head off with her foot. She wasn’t sure he would like that.

~o~

03.

The third time Kate stayed overnight, her visit lasted almost two months.

A bullet had been shot in her stomach, grazing vital organs. It took eleven hours of surgery, a week in intensive care, two more in the surgery ward and finally seven at the Castle place for Beckett to make a full recovery. Alexis had never seen her father worry so much about someone other than herself before.

That’s when she realized that her nuclear family fantasies may not be that far off.

~o~

04.

The fourth time Kate spent the night at Castle’s “castle” (as her father liked to call it), she was taking care of her father instead of the other way around.

When Alexis was eleven years old, her father had caught pneumonia. Riding a horse naked in Central Park hadn’t been a good idea. She had been worried about it then, but now she was perfectly aware that he would make a full recovery, especially because it wasn’t as bad this time. So she spent the time her father was sick watching Beckett nurse her father in her own way, which mostly involved scolding and yelling.

Alexis didn’t miss the look of concern Beckett had in her eyes whenever her father wasn’t looking.

~o~

05.

The fifth time Katherine Beckett spent the night at the apartment was two years after the first time. It was also the night before Alexis was leaving for college.

Excited and anxious about the new experience, Alexis had woken up really early. Tiptoeing down the stairs, making sure she wouldn’t wake anyone, she was also unnoticed by the pair standing in the kitchen, half-dressed. Kate had her arms wrapped around her dad’s neck and her father was softly trailing kisses along her jaw and neck. Alexis smiled and tiptoed back upstairs. She was happy that her father was also going to live a new, exciting experience as she was going off to college.

When the new couple, who pretended not to be one, dropped her off at the airport, Alexis hugged Kate tightly and whispered in her ear: “Thanks for taking care of my dad when I’m gone.” Kate stepped back and frowned at her. Alexis just smiled and Kate smiled back once she understood that the young Castle had found out what had happened the night before.

As Alexis waved goodbye to her father and Kate as she stood in line to go through security, she realized that she had grown up too fast to get the nuclear family she had wished for. She got, however, the next best thing: two people who cared about her and cared about each other.

~o~

The End.

~o~

Mentalist fic: The Architect

2010-03-14T16:11:11Z

Title: The Architect
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: For the past three years, nothing had been out of the ordinary in Joy's life. Until she met Patrick Jane.
Spoilers: None, really but let's say season 1 to be safe.
Beta: fading_ripples -- I was worried about this one because I wrote it so quickly, but you totally made me believe it could be posted :)
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Prompt: Standing on the outside: written for the Jello Forever March challenge.

~o~

The Architect

Joy Keats had been a widow for four years. One evening her husband had failed to come home. He had been mugged on his way back from work and killed. Six months later, she had packed all her belongings and moved to Sacramento to work for a small architectural firm. She spent most of her days designing boring commercial buildings and houses. In her previous life, she would have hated it. She felt she had been destined for grander things. Now, she enjoyed the simplicity of her life. She had a good relationship with her colleagues, made a few friends in this now familiar city and had a few casual relationships. For the past three years, nothing had been out of the ordinary in Joy's life.

Until she met Patrick Jane.

She had been sitting in the corner of a Starbucks, on a cold, rainy Saturday afternoon, enjoying Hislop's The Island. The cafe had been particularly busy that afternoon and Patrick had sat down in the seat in front of her, grinning as he asked:

"Do you mind?"

She had minded, but her upper-middle class upbringing prevented her from voicing her true feelings. "Please, be my guest," she said with a forced smile before returning back to her novel.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

She looked up and frowned at the man who appeared to be in the wrong decade with his three-piece suit on a weekend day. "Excuse me?" she asked him.

"I said I was sorry for your loss, your husband. Obviously it happened a few years ago, but it still hurts."

Her shock prevented her from indignation. "How do you know that?"

"Oh, it's so obvious from your whole demeanor. I'm also a widower. My wife was killed eight years ago."

She closed her book slowly. "I'm sorry. Car accident?" she asked, knowing it was a very common way of being killed.

"Murder, like your husband."

She eyed him suspiciously. How could he possibly know this? Was he a stalker? "How do you know so much about me?"

"I'm psychic." He chuckled. "No, actually, I just notice things more than the average person. It helps when you've been through the same as the other person."

"Was your wife killed in a mugging as well?" she asked.

Patrick shook his head. "No, a serial killer. He's dead now. A cop killed him out of self-defense a few months ago."

"Are you making this up to come onto me?" she asked suspiciously. It seemed far-fetched that he would go to all that trouble, but Joy had seen and heard many things in her life.

He chuckled. "No, I swear. The serial killer's name is Red John and my name is Patrick Jane. Google it on your Blackberry, you'll see."

She didn't bother asking him how he knew she had a Blackberry with her and typed the two names Patrick had given her. In a few minutes, she discovered that what he had just said was true. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I just have heard so many sob stories in my life, I didn't know."

Patrick held up his hand to reassure her. "No worries. Perfectly understandable. Now that you know my deep, dark secret, would you please give me the pleasure of telling me your name?"

She smiled, charmed. "Joy. Joy Keats."

He shook her hand. His hand felt warm and reassuring. Engaging. "Now, Joy Keats, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Joy was surprised by the butterflies she felt in her stomach. It had been a long time since a man had made her feel that way after only 10 minutes. "It would be my pleasure."

~o~

Dating Patrick Jane had been a breeze. Everything was perfect. He was charming, funny, interesting, intelligent and a great lover. He also had a difficult past similar to hers that put them on the same level. Just like everything in life, however, it wasn't as perfect as it appeared to be. Patrick was holding something back. She had no idea what it was. At first, she thought it might have been something to do with the murder of his wife and child. Only two weeks after she began thinking that he was keeping her away from his pain, he spent one night after making love telling her everything: his psychic business, his wife begging him to quit, his mocking Red John on TV, discovering the bodies, his mental breakdown, his work with the CBI, his fights with his boss, his confrontation with the killer and finally Red John's death. She had felt so open with him that night. They had spent the rest of the weekend in her apartment, in their own little cocoon, away from the rest of the world. Two days later, she noticed that he was emotionally withdrawn again and she just couldn't understand why.

Finally, one day, she got the whole picture that Patrick had kept away from her. She met the people he worked with.

She had had a meeting with a client near the CBI and she had suggested that she should meet him in the parking lot for their dinner date that evening. Her meeting had finished early so she decided to surprise him. Once she was directed to the correct floor by the receptionist, she walked into the bullpen. She saw CBI agents at their desk, but couldn't see Patrick.

"Excuse me," she said to a man playing solitaire on his computer. "Would you mind telling me where Patrick Jane is?"

The man pointed to a couch at the far end of the room. She looked over and saw a form suddenly sitting up. It was Patrick. "Joy?" he asked curiously.

She smiled awkwardly. She could tell that he wasn't too happy with her surprise. "My meeting finished early so I thought I could see where you work," she explained.
He probably sensed her uneasiness and smiled at her as he took a few strides in her direction. "Of course. Brilliant idea.
This is Grace Van Pelt," he said as he walked by a gorgeous redhead.

The woman smiled at her, got up and walked to her to shake her hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Joy," the redhead told her.

"Nice to meet you."

The Asian man got up and shook her hand as well. "Kimball Cho," he introduced himself.

The man who had been playing solitaire stepped in next. "I'm Wayne Rigsby. Call me Wayne."

"It's very nice to meet you, Wayne," she replied warmly. Once the initial awkwardness was over, she was glad that she was finally meeting his colleagues. He had met all of hers a couple of months ago; it only seemed natural that she met his as well.

"Jane, I just got off the phone with the AG office. Mr. Rodriguez is filing a lawsuit..." the woman who had been speaking trailed off when she noticed Joy. She blinked at Joy a few times before asking, "Can we help you?"

Joy smiled. This must be Jane's boss. She had at least heard about her. Although she had imagined the woman taller. "I'm Joy. Patrick's friend," she explained as she pointed Patrick out.

The woman blinked at her again and then looked at Patrick. She looked shocked. There was no other word for it. After a few long, agonizing seconds, the woman got a hold of herself, smiled back at her and shook her hand. "Joy, of course. I'm Teresa Lisbon. Jane's boss."

"I gathered. I must admit, I did imagine you a bit..." Joy trailed off, realizing that she was about to put her foot in her mouth.

"Taller?" Lisbon helped her out.

Joy chuckled. "Yes. Scarier too."

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at Patrick. "What have you been telling your friend?"

Patrick put his hands on both of Joy's arm as he subtly led her away. "All good things, I promise." Although his hands were on Joy, his eyes were on his boss. Joy had never seen Patrick look at anyone like that before.

She also didn't miss the hurt in Teresa Lisbon's eyes.

Everything was definitely not perfect.

~o~

"Have you ever dated her?" Joy asked as she drove to the restaurant.

"Who?" Patrick asked, even though she was sure he knew who she was talking about.

"Your boss."

He shook his head. "She's my boss."

"She's pretty," Joy commented.

"She's still my boss."

"Funny, you don't strike me as the type of man who let that kind of thing stop him," she mused.

Patrick shrugged. "You're right. It shows that I wouldn't have been interested even if she weren't my boss."

"I don't think that's true. You seem very attracted to her," she insisted.

"Look," Patrick said with an annoyed tone, "you said it yourself: the fact that she's my boss wouldn't stop me. I've had plenty of opportunities to date her, but I didn't. I'm not interested so can we please drop the subject?"

She tensed at his tone. He had never spoken to her like that before. Changing the topic of conversation was obviously a good idea.

Their dinner had turned out to be the worst date they ever had. The conversation, when there was one, was tense and forced. They had planned for him to stay the night at her apartment, but she drove back to the CBI instead so he could get his car and drive back to his place. When they were in the middle of the parking lot, Patrick relaxed a bit. "Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't very good company tonight."

"Did she turn you down? Did she break your heart?"

"Joy..." he pleaded meekly.

"No," she said firmly, "I deserve to know. What is the deal with your boss?"

"Nothing. That's the thing. There's really nothing to say. No one asked anyone out. No one ever displayed feelings toward the other. No one broke anyone's heart. There's nothing there."

Joy shook her head. It wasn't good enough. "Then why the tension tonight? Why did you look at her the way you did?" She took a deep breath before asking her next question. "Why did she look hurt when she realized that I was your girlfriend?"

"She looked hurt?" There was mostly surprise in his question, but there was also something that felt like a brick in her stomach: hope.

"Yes, she did."

Patrick swallowed hard before shrugging. "Nah, she's just used to being the only woman in my life. She's really possessive. She'll get over it."

Joy wasn't sure it was just that, but decided to let it go for now. "Want to come back to my place?" she asked him.

He smiled and kissed her. "I am really sorry about dinner."

"I know," she sighed. Then something caught Patrick's attention.

"I can't believe her car's here. What is she still doing here?"

"Who?" Joy asked him, already knowing the answer.

"Lisbon." He looked at the clock. "It's 10.30. Damn woman." He looked into Joy's eyes and said in a serious tone, "Please don't read too much into this. I'm just going to kick her out of the office. She works too hard and she needs someone to get her to go home sometimes."

"Fine," Joy said, feeling like there wasn't really anything else she could say. As she watched Patrick run to the building, she felt like pouting. She hated that he was pretending that nothing was going on between him and his boss. It made her feel like she was making it up out of irrational jealousy. She wasn't the jealous type. She really wasn't.

After about ten minutes, she saw two people come out of the building. There was easiness between them. She saw Lisbon laugh at a joke Patrick made. She sobered up when they approached Joy's car. Patrick got in and Lisbon caught the door, leaving it open as she stooped down to look at Joy.

"Sorry for interrupting your date. Maybe you can teach him to mind his own business. God knows I've tried," she said, smiling at her.

"No problem," Joy answered. "He was right to make you leave. It's really late."

"I get caught up," Lisbon explained, shrugging. She turned her attention to Patrick. "Have a good weekend, ok?" He nodded and waved goodbye as Lisbon closed the door for him. She waved at them as Joy drove off. She was standing right under a light, so Joy couldn't mistake the look on Lisbon's face. In reality, Joy was pretty sure she could have easily guessed the look on Lisbon's face even if it had been pitch black.

Teresa Lisbon was heartbroken.

~o~

All weekend Joy was upset. It's not that she would let Patrick go. She cared about him too and he had obviously said more than once that he wasn't interested in his boss. And he had been the one to ask Joy out, not the other way around.

Nevertheless, a woman was hurting because of her relationship with Patrick and that didn't please her.

Obviously, Patrick knew right away that Joy wasn't feeling well. He didn't say anything until lunchtime on Sunday though.

"You've been moody all weekend. What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Please," Jane said. "I know when something's wrong."

"You don't want to talk about it," Joy pointed out.

"I don't want to talk about..." Patrick trailed off and then said, "Oh," when he realized what she was talking about.

"Right.’Oh'," Joy repeated. "Why do you dismiss the poor woman like that?" He was the one who opened the can of worms, not her. He shouldn't have pried.

"I do not dismiss Lisbon," he said defensively.

"You deny she has feelings for you!"

"I don't. Her feelings are just... misgusided," he explained.

"Misguided? What is that supposed to mean?" She hated when he was cryptic like this.

"Lisbon doesn't really realize who I am. She has this image of me that's false. You know who I am. You've been through something like what I've been through. We make sense. Lisbon and I don't."

Joy was furious. Beyond furious. "That's why we're together? Because my husband was killed? Do you even like me for who I am?"

"Of course. Joy, don't read that much into it. I'm just saying that you understand me in a way that Lisbon never will."

Joy looked at him square in the eye. "Answer me this: do you have feelings for her?"

"It would never work..." he began to say, but Joy interrupted him.

"I asked if you had feelings for her. Yes or no?"

He looked away and didn't say anything. That was enough for her.

"Please leave," she told him firmly. He looked at her then, but she remained unmoved. She had to stay strong. She would not be second best. She had been through enough in her life to accept that.

Patrick sighed and walked out of her apartment. She watched him slowly walk away. Only when he was out of sight did she realize that his car was at the CBI. She went out in search for him. She had no idea in which direction he had been walking after she had lost sight of him. After searching for him for almost twenty minutes, she spotted him, standing by a lamppost. She swiftly walked towards him and was about to make her presence known when she saw a car slowing down next to him. The driver parked the car and got out. Teresa Lisbon.

Joy didn't exactly hide, she wasn't a Desperate Housewife after all, but she did press herself against the hedgerow, concealing her presence a little more. When she heard Lisbon speak, she realized that she was well within earshot of the two. She was really close to the pair and they really had to be in their own little world not to notice her.

"I was having a perfectly good Sunday and you had to go and ruin it," Lisbon told Patrick. Joy didn't have to be as perceptive as Patrick to know that Lisbon's entire body language was betraying her statement.

"Had a fight with Joy," he explained.

Lisbon tensed at the mention of Joy's name. Joy saw Lisbon force herself to relax. "You'll make up, no doubt," she reassured him. "Joy seems really nice." Joy felt that she was harboring a love/hate feeling for the CBI agent. She had class, that's for sure.

"I don't think so," Patrick replied, which confirmed Joy's own suspicions that there was no way Patrick would come crawling back.

"What did you fight about?" Lisbon asked, not only betraying her intimate friendship with Patrick, but also her partiality on the matter.

"You," he boldly answered.

Lisbon appeared shocked by his answer. "Me? What about me?"

"Doesn't matter," Patrick said, shrugging.

"Yes, it does. I don't want to be responsible for your break-up. Knowing you, you'll make sure to remind me every chance you get and I haven't done anything wrong." It obviously mattered to Lisbon and it also mattered to Joy.

Joy's heart ached when she saw Patrick leaning down to kiss his boss. Lisbon's first reaction was to pull away, but after a couple of seconds, she readily gave in and kissed him back. They hugged when they broke apart.

Joy heard Patrick say something in Lisbon's ear, but his voice was too low for Joy to hear. After a minute or two, Lisbon shook her head vehemently and said, "I don't care." She planted a kiss on his lips. "I thought I had lost you. Worse," she added, "I thought I never had you."

"You've had me for a really long time," he answered and Joy walked away, unable to hear anymore. It had been too much.

On Friday she had seen a brokenhearted Teresa Lisbon. Two days later, it was her turn to be heartbroken.

~o~

The End.

~o~

80 Mentalist icons

2010-03-12T20:59:56Z

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Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - 02. Soulmates in their Own Strange Way

2010-03-11T16:15:46Z

Title: Amalgamation: 02. Soulmates in their Own Strange Way
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: What if Jane and Lisbon were already married when the series started? Episode Tag: Red Hair and Silver Tape.
Spoilers: Up to Red Hair and Silver Tape (1x02).
Beta: fading_ripples -- your support (fic-related and life-related) is never-ending and I truly appreciate it.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: 2nd part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

02. Soulmates in their Own Strange Way

~o~

"It's so annoying when you pull crap like that," Lisbon told Jane as they left the kitchen.

"Well, we found out who wrote the message, didn't we?"

“We’ve got a passed out suspect on our hands.” She pointed her finger in the air. "It's that kind of thing that put us in trouble, Jane."

"Why didn't you try the food at the restaurant?"

"Too much butter," she answered. She knew he was deflecting, but she had learned a long time ago that under certain circumstances it was easier to roll with it than fight it.

He nodded and smiled. "True, but you refused the food before you knew there was so much butter."

"It's unprofessional," she simply said.

"Ha," Jane looked at her happily. "The mighty Agent Lisbon wouldn't want to look unprofessional, now would she?"

She groaned. "I have to check up on Cho's interview," she said as she walked away.

Jane watched her walk away, smiling. She was so adorable.

~o~

Jane watched the state agents and police officers prepare to take Hector Ramirez into custody. He noticed the ice cream truck on the road and started to formulate a plan as the police started to go in. He waited and watched as everyone started running and finally he saw Ramirez, machete in hand, run into the street Jane was standing. He slowly walked to the middle of the street and then bam! Lisbon apprehended Ramirez from the side, tackling him over and cuffing him in less than 30 seconds. At first he was a little peeved that he wasn't able to execute his plan, but then he smiled proudly.

That was his wife, Super Agent Teresa Lisbon.

~o~

"Oprah and Dr. Phil here, " Hector Ramirez said. Jane grinned and wondered if he saw Lisbon as Oprah or Dr. Phil. "I told her this is how it was going to end. Only it was going to be me that died and with her, sitting here, with dumb cops asking dumb questions. " He leaned closer as he said, "Why was a respectable girl like you with a thug like Hector Ramirez?"

He knew Ramirez had no idea what he was doing, but Jane felt like Ramirez was asking Lisbon the same question about their marriage.

"Why was she?" Lisbon asked him. Ramirez’s question didn’t seem to have the same effect on her. She had always been the one so sure that their marriage hadn’t been a mistake, even if she had gotten the rotten part of the deal.

"You wouldn't understand," Ramirez replied.

"Sure she would," Jane chimed in.

Lisbon turned her head toward Jane's direction without actually looking at him. Could she guess what had been going through his mind the last minute?

"All women understand the charm of a violent man," he stated.

"What we had was special," Hector stated.

"Ugh, you made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small town choir nerd," Jane explained and Lisbon rolled her eyes. "And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are... sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist."

Lisbon was struggling to keep her face frozen, not to let the smile slip. He was trying not to show how much it pleased him that he had been able to amuse her.

~o~

"Okay, tell me,” Lisbon said, “what did you find?"

Jane picked up his phone and dialed a number. "Tell you won’t do; I have to show you." He told her and then on the phone he said: "Hi, I made a booking for two for this afternoon. Could you put us on the terrace? It’s more romantic."

Lisbon looked shocked. It’s true that they rarely went out to lunch or dinner. It usually involved an apology. On his part. He should take her out more often. That wasn’t the plan today. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have a bit of fun with it though.

"Thanks," he continued on the phone. "Yeah, Patrick. Lovely. See you then." He hung up and looked at Lisbon, smiling. "Don’t fret, I wouldn’t seduce you over a meal. That would be very sophomoric." He wanted to add that they were past the seduction part, but he was afraid that the comment would land him a hard slap in the face.

"I don’t think you were trying to seduce me," Lisbon replied.

"Come on," Jane went on, "how could that thought not have entered your head?"

Lisbon just stared at him. As fun as this had been, he was definitely going to have to make up for it later.

"Your denial that it did intrigues me," he said before walking away.

"Bite me."

He’d definitely have to make up for it.

~o~

Lisbon watched the bodies of the two people she just shot on the floor. She put her gun away, trying to stop shaking. Fear and adrenaline was still coursing through her veins. She had almost lost her husband. If she had arrived a minute later, Jane would have died. She tried to regain her senses as she untied the victim.

Jane was watching her. Once she had finished untying the victim, Lisbon finally looked back at him. They locked eyes, but Jane looked away. The events of the last five minutes had been too much. He thought he was going to die. Watching Lisbon react so strongly to his almost death made him realize how much his death would affect her.

She couldn't tear her own eyes away. She had almost lost him.

~o~

"I don't get it," Van Pelt said. "She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy, evil person, I understand, but two, husband and wife... marriage is supposed to be a sacred, loving thing."

"Hm, they were soulmates in their own strange way," Jane commented.

Lisbon swallowed. She never thought marriage could be that way. Cho nudged Van Pelt and the three agents started walking away. Lisbon and Jane watched the family as they said one final goodbye to Melanie. As he and Lisbon walked away, Jane put a comforting hand on her shoulder, reminding her that he was by her side.

~o~

Mentalist fic: Secret Lies - A Big Heart Isn't Always Enough (Part 4)

2010-03-10T18:20:58Z

Title: Secret Lies: A Big Heart Isn't Always Enough (Part 4)
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: Jane's upset and Lisbon is trying to make him open up.
Spoilers: Red Scare (2x05).
Beta: fading_ripples -- She made me add a third of this fic and it is so much better for it :)
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: I got the idea for this fic from a post written by mere_dil. You can read this as a one shot or as the 4th part of the Secret Lies series: Secret Lies series tag.

~o~

A Big Heart Isn't Always Enough

~o~

Late October 2009

~o~

Lisbon was facing Mrs. Foster while Jane sat on the side, facing Mrs. Foster nonetheless. He liked to appear to be slightly on the interviewee’s side. He appeared less offensive that way.

“There is something else we wanted to talk to you about,” Lisbon told Mrs. Foster after the woman explained her dispute with Victoria Adner. “You weren’t in San Francisco the night of your husband’s murder. You were at the mansion.”

“You know about that.” Mrs. Foster looked uncomfortable, rather than guilty, Lisbon noted.

“Why did you lie to us?” Lisbon asked her.

“I was ashamed.”

“Of what?”

“Of why I was there in the first place,” Mrs. Foster said, eyes blinking.

“Why was that?”

“She was spying on her husband,” Jane answered for Mrs. Foster. “She suspected him of being unfaithful.”

“Yes,” Mrs Foster confirmed, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“Because he’s been unfaithful before.” Lisbon startled a little and looked at Jane. There was definitely more behind Jane’s guess. The tone of his voice and the look on his face were a bit... off.

“Yes. He had an affair about a year ago. He was out of town, and I was caught up with my work, and, “ Mrs. Foster paused and sighed, “it happened.”

“It’s very understanding of you,” Lisbon commented.

“Oh, I was furious, believe me. But we worked on it, counselling and so forth, and I thought I had moved on,” Mrs. Foster explained. “But I hadn’t. I didn’t trust him. So when Allan told me that he would spend the weekend at the mansion and wouldn’t be coming home, I decided I had to go there to catch him in the act.”

“Then no one showed up.” Jane said, staring at Mrs. Foster. He had barely looked at Lisbon since the cheating business came to light.

“No, I felt so awful that I left without talking to him.”

“What time did you leave?” Lisbon asked her.

“Around 10.”

“Is there any way to prove that?”

“Um, I bought gas on the way home,” Mrs. Foster told her and Lisbon wrote it down. “The credit card company will have a record of that, right?”

“Yes,” Lisbon answered. “We’ll verify that.”

“I can’t help thinking that if I had stayed there,” Mrs. Foster began, looking at Jane, “if I had just gone and talked to him, he would still be alive.”

“Hm, most likely you would both be dead,” Jane retorted.

“With the way that I feel, I might prefer that.”

“That feeling will pass,” Jane reassured her.

“What do you know about that?”

“Enough.”

~o~

“How did you know that Allan Foster had cheated on his wife?” Lisbon asked Jane as they drove to Eagle Creek.

“I’ve encountered enough cheating spouses during my career as a psychic,” he answered.

Lisbon shook her head. “No, it’s more than that. I could tell.” She subconsciously slowed down. She waited a moment or two before asking: “Jane, did your wife cheat on you?”

Jane snorted. He stayed quiet for a few minutes. When she glanced in his direction, she saw that he was looking out the window, his eyes staring off into the distance, his mind having gone far away.

“Jane?” she tried to bring him back to reality.

He shifted and took a deep breath, returning to the present. “No, she didn’t. My wife was a loving, faithful woman who did not deserve her cheating bastard of a husband.”

“Oh, Jane,” she said sympathetically. She should have known. So many elements made Jane portray his wife into the perfect woman whom he did not deserve, but him cheating on her was an obvious one.

“Don’t,” Jane said sternly. “I don’t want your pity and I especially do not want it for this.”

She nodded and kept her eyes on the road. These were the kind of moments that reminded her how far apart they really were and how Jane would always keep a gigantic gulf between them. No matter how nice, caring, and understanding he could be sometimes, she couldn’t forget that he was never going to really share, really be with her. No matter how much fun they had or how much comfort they gave each other. They were two people in the middle of a large ocean each standing on their own island.

~o~

“Case closed pizza.” Lisbon heard Jane say as he walked towards her and Cho.

“Case closed pizza,” she confirmed as she helped Cho open the boxes.

She took a piece of paper towel, handed the roll to Cho, and turned to look at Jane. He seemed to be dragging his feet into the bullpen.

“Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

“Right as rain,” he answered her.

She didn’t believe him for a second, but this was obviously not the right time so she grabbed a piece of pizza, thinking that she would question him later when they would be alone.

“Oh, I have the perfect thing to go with this,” Jane said running back to the kitchen as Lisbon and Cho watched him go.

~o~

Lisbon watched Jane pour her and himself a glass of wine from her couch.

“I’m pretty sure this wine would be considered stolen property. Doesn’t it belong to Mrs. Foster?” she asked playfully. She wasn’t too keen on the theft, but grateful that the wine had a calming effect on Jane. He had been on edge for days and he was much worse tonight.

“It does. She gave me a dozen bottles as a thank you so it’s all legit, my dear,” he answered as he handed her a glass and took a seat next to her. They were each sitting at one end of the couch, their feet propped up on it, meeting in the middle. She tucked her feet beneath his. His feet were always so warm while hers were so cold. She waited a few minutes, relaxing with the wine and the comfortable silence before disturbing the peace.

“Jane,” she said, getting his attention, “what happened tonight? Why were you upset?”

Jane shook his head dismissively. “It’s nothing,” he answered before taking a sip of wine.

“We’re not really a couple, but I would like to think that we’re friends. Sometimes talking helps,” she said tentatively.

“We are friends,” he confirmed and then looked at her sadly, “but I don’t want to be helped.”

Lisbon nodded, sad. “I know,” she whispered. “I just wish you would.”

He reached down to sneak his hand inside her sock to rub her ankle affectionately. “Such a big heart, my Lisbon,” he murmured. Then he said in a louder voice, “come on, let’s start that ghastly movie.”

“It’s not ghastly. Sleepless in Seattle is a classic.”

Jane groaned, but sat back readying himself to watch the movie. He kept rubbing her ankle the whole time and as the movie started, his hand slowly made its way a little further up her leg, halfway to her knee. She tried to ignore the shiver down her spine and the rush of warmth that spread throughout her body.

This was definitely dangerous territory.

~o~

She woke up to the feeling of strong arms holding her body. By the time she completely regained consciousness, she was being swept up from the couch and taken up the stairs. She opened her eyes and saw only dark grey. Jane’s vest. She groaned in protest and wriggled about, trying to get off his arms. Her efforts only made Jane strengthen his hold on her. She decided to give up, sleep calling her, and closed her eyes. He gently laid her on her bed and released his hold of her. He took her pants and socks off. After putting her covers over her, she heard his footsteps going away from the bed.

“Stay,” she said before she could stop herself.

“You’re sleeping,” he pointed out.

Of course he thought she meant sex. They were only lovers. She had no intention of sleeping with him tonight so why was she asking him to stay? Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop herself from insisting. “Just to sleep.” She opened her eyes to look at him, but all she saw was a silhouette standing in the doorframe. “It’s getting cold.” If she had been more awake, she would have been mortified by her lame excuse.

Jane sighed and she thought he was going to leave. Instead, he stepped further inside the room and closed the door. She rolled over, back to him, to leave him room and buried her face in her pillow to hide her smile. She listened as he took his shoes, vest and pants off. The mattress dipped as he sat down next to her. After a minute, he lifted the duvet and crawled in next to her. She turned around and faced his lying form. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had taken his dress shirt off and looked unbelievably attractive. If she was just a parcel more awake, she would be on top of him right now.

Jane turned his head to look at her. “You should sleep now. My body heat should warm you up in no time.” He said the last sentence with a hint of sarcasm. Trust him not to let that one go. He really took every opportunity to mock her.

She ignored his comment and closed her eyes. “G’ night, Jane,” she murmured.

“Good night, Lisbon,” he said softly.

As sleep claimed her once again that night, Lisbon thought that she could definitely get used to this.

She just had to remember that she couldn’t.

~o~

Mentalist fic: Amalgamation - The Old and the New

2010-03-10T08:18:23Z

Title: Amalgamation: The Old and the New
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: Episode Tag fic. Pilot: Hotel room escapades and the likes.
Spoilers: Pilot (1x01).
Beta: fading_ripples -- thanks for not screaming at me for starting a new series and actually encouraging this.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: You can read this as a one shot or as the 1st part of the Amalgamation series: Amalgamation series tag.

~o~

Amalgamation:

01. The Old and the New

~o~

Jane walked by Lisbon's desk and said, "Very pleasant addition to the Serious Crimes Unit."

She looked up and said casually, "Oh hi, when did you get here?"

He smiled at her. "You knew I wasn't going to leave."

She leaned back against her chair, raised an eyebrow and stared at him. "Did I?"

"What was I going to do back in Sacramento?" He shrugged.

"Get some sleep maybe."

He cocked his head to the side. "Funny." He opened his mouth to say more but Van Pelt came back into the room, so he turned around and started watching the video of the murder scene.

~o~

"Did you really think he was going to give you a prescription without a consultation?" Lisbon asked Jane as they got in the car after seeing Dr. Wagner.

"Doesn't hurt to try."

She stared at him as he put his seatbelt on. "You should make an appointment. You need to sleep."

He shrugged. "Neh, I'll make one when we get back to Sacramento."

She sighed, but didn't say anything more.

~o~

As soon as she and Jane were in his hotel room, Lisbon put water in the kettle and turned it on.

"I really like Van Pelt," Jane said to her as he took his vest off and put it on the chair. "Opinionated and delusional. A very charming young woman, indeed. No wonder Rigsby's got a soft spot for her." He watched Lisbon rummaging through his luggage. "What are you looking for?" he asked her.

She was frowning as she searched through clothes and papers. Finally, a smile spread across her face as she exclaimed, "Aha!" She held up an herbal tea bag. "I knew you would bring me some."

He grinned back at her as he poured the boiling water in a mug. "You're not going to offer me one?"

"You know perfectly well that it's that fruity stuff you hate," she explained, tearing open the teabag and dropping it into the hot water. "You know, you could have given Rigsby and Van Pelt a break. You didn't have to make them so uncomfortable, especially on Van Pelt's first day."

"She can take it," he replied as he started undressing.

"I know she can," Lisbon said, undressing as well. "I just don't like that you're putting sexual tension within my team."

"There's enough of that already, huh?" Jane took her in his arms and dropped her on the bed, making her shriek. "Shh, Teresa, Cho's staying in the room next door."

~o~

"Why didn't you call me when you couldn't sleep?" Lisbon asked as she and Jane were driving back to Dr. Wagner's clinic.

"Because you were sleeping. You need your sleep as much as I do, if not more. You carry a gun."

She sighed. "Fine. Why didn't you come to my room then?"

"It would have woken you up," he explained.

"No, it wouldn't have."

"Yes, it would."

"Patrick, you're hiding something from me. I know when you're hiding something."

"Oh look, here we are." Jane pointed out.

She pulled in at the medical center's parking lot and Jane got out of the car. As he walked away, she pulled the window down and asked him, "what time do you want me to pick you up?"

"I'll call Rigsby or Cho."

"You're hiding something," she repeated.

He smiled at her. "Don't worry."

"Hm," she mumbled as she pulled the window back up and drove away. "Like that’s gonna help.”

~o~

When Lisbon walked into her room, overworked and tired, the last thing she wanted to see was Patrick Jane lying on her bed, smiling. "What are you doing here?"

"The good doctor's in custody?" he asked, ignoring her own question.

"Yes, he is. Now go back to your room."

"Teresa, come on."

"I mean it. I'm not in the mood for you tonight," she told him.

They stared at each other for a minute and finally Jane got up. "I didn't want to anger you."

She shook her head, refusing to accept his apology. "I hate it when you keep things from me." She sighed and said softly, "please go."

"I'm sorry," he said when he was at the door.

"I know," she said. "I won't be angry tomorrow."

He nodded and left the room. She dropped on her bed and fell asleep, fully clothed.

~o~

Jane walked into the room, a box of doughnuts in hand. He got her favorite: chocolate glaze. "Closed case doughnuts are here," he said to the agents in the room and smiling at Lisbon. She looked up for a brief second and then went back to what she was reading. He looked at Van Pelt who seemed to be ignoring him as well. He once again looked at Lisbon who was completely ignoring him. She was definitely still angry. He looked around the room and said: "I just wanted to get sleeping pills, I swear to God." Lisbon finally looked at him with an expression of complete disbelief. He looked at Van Pelt but kept glancing back at Lisbon as he said: "I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go."

"Right," Van Pelt said as she walked away.
Lisbon went back to reading.

"Yeah, you didn't set Wagner up," Rigsby said as he took a doughnut, "figured it was him days ago."

"You didn't let us tear apart the family in order to satisfy your childish need for drama," Cho pointed out sarcastically, taking a doughnut as well.

"That family was screwed anyway," Jane defended himself. "Don't blame yourself guys," he chuckled. They did not look happy. He caught a paper frog Cho threw at him.

Jane turned around to look at Lisbon. He didn't mind that the team was angry at him as long as she wasn't.

"Don't even start," she told him as he approached her desk. "I'm still angry."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No, you're not," she retorted.

Jane placed the paper frog on her desk as a piece offering.

"A frog?" she asked. "Well this makes everything better, doesn't it?"

The frog jumped in the air as he walked away. She gave a soft yelp in surprise and he looked back at her. He could tell she was smiling. He was back in her good graces. And into her bed.

~o~

In the early hours of the morning, he slipped into Lisbon’s hotel bed. She barely stirred as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. She was such a comfort to him. He had just gone to his house in Malibu. Going there unnerved him. It had felt strange to be confronted with his previous life. He still wasn’t sure if he had done the right thing, marrying Lisbon. It’s not that he didn’t love her and didn’t like being married to her. He just couldn’t truly appreciate his current life as long as he hadn’t put his old one in the past. He had to find Red John.

Mentalist fic: Something New About Agent Lisbon (3rd part of Secret Lies series)

2010-03-03T19:21:10Z

Title: Secret Lies: Something New About Agent Lisbon
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: Dr. Sophie Miller runs into Agent Lisbon and Patrick Jane. Alternate Universe. Not an episode tag. Part of Secret Lies series (3rd fic).
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2 until A Price Above Rubies (2x09).
Prompts: Something New (Prompt 001) for mentalistprompt
Beta: fading_ripples -- thank you for making this so much better.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: You can read this as a one shot or as the 3rd part of the Secret Lies series: Secret Lies series tag.

~o~

Something New About Agent Lisbon

~o~

Early January 2010

~o~

Dr. Sophie Miller ran across the street, trying to avoid the large puddles and the splashing water from the passing cars, and reached a little café that appeared to be warm and welcoming, and most of all: dry. Once inside, she went straight for the counter, manoeuvring her way around the crowded room. She really needed coffee. Despite being busy and low on staff, the service was quick and before she knew it, she had a cappuccino in her hands. She went to the sugar and milk stand to grab a couple of sugar packets. Only once she had everything she needed, did she realise that spare tables were scarce. She scoured the room with her eyes, trying to spot an empty table. After a minute or so, she noticed a table at the far left corner of the room that appeared to be empty. Once she reached the desired location, Sophie realized that the table was already occupied. She was about to leave when she noticed that the woman at the table looked familiar, although she couldn’t quite place her. The woman who had been looking towards the counter, probably waiting for someone to come back with her beverage, finally noticed her.

“Dr. Miller?” she said in a surprised tone.

She felt quite embarrassed about not remembering the brunette. She quickly racked her brain to remember who she was and then a flash of recognition finally sprung. “Agent Lisbon!” she exclaimed, relieved to spare herself the embarrassment.

Agent Lisbon smiled politely, but Sophie could sense a discomfort from the agent. She didn’t have much time to analyze the situation as she heard a familiar voice behind her:

“This coffee reeks of caffeine. To think you drink this stuff three or four times a day. No wonder you’re so short.”

Had Agent Lisbon not been so distracted by her presence, Sophie was sure that she would have given Patrick Jane the rhetoric he deserved. Patrick put two mugs on the table and was looking at the brunette, not noticing the tall blonde standing in front of him. Sophie gently touched his arm and said “Patrick” to get his attention. He immediately whipped around and smiled at her, clearly happy to see her.

“Sophie!” he exclaimed and shook her hand cordially. “How good to see you.”

She smiled back. “Same.” She looked at Lisbon who did not seem to think it was that good to see her. “I better go find a table before there are none left,” she said nodding to both of them.

“There aren’t any,” Patrick told her as he sat down next to Agent Lisbon. “This was the last one.” He smiled at her and indicated the chair across from Agent Lisbon, “please, join us.”

Sophie looked at his companion, hesitating. She was pretty sure she was intruding. Agent Lisbon noticed her hesitation and smiled at her for the first time. “Yes, please sit,” she told her.

The prospect of finally sitting down and drinking her coffee won Sophie over and she gracefully accepted the invitation. As she was sitting down, she noticed a look passing between Patrick and Agent Lisbon. That was interesting.

“How are you?” she asked Patrick.

Patrick took a sip of his tea before answering. “Good. Lisbon here tries to keep me in line.”

“And failing miserably,” Agent Lisbon added.

Sophie smiled at Lisbon’s meagre attempt at humour. The poor woman was trying. “The person who manages to keep Patrick Jane in line deserves an award,” she said. “How’s work, Agent Lisbon? Are you getting closer on the Red John case?”

Agent Lisbon tensed as soon as Sophie said ‘Red John’ and quickly glanced at Patrick. Sophie noticed Patrick’s arm moving and was pretty sure that if she looked under the table, she would see Patrick holding Agent Lisbon’s hand.

“Call me Teresa,” Agent Lisbon said genially. “We’ve got a few more leads than we used to have, but he still eludes us.”

“I’m sorry for opening a can of worms,” she apologized.

Patrick waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. We both know you were asking out of concern. The subject isn’t taboo.”

Sophie nodded and then took a good look at Lisbon. “Something’s different about you,” she told her, “something new.”

“She got bangs,” Patrick said good-humouredly.

Sophie smiled, but shook her head, dismissing Patrick’s theory. “No, it’s something else. I can’t pinpoint what exactly. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re dating. You weren’t when I met you, right?” she asked. Lisbon tensed again. Sophie was starting to understand that Agent Lisbon did not like people knowing anything personal about her. Patrick, on the other hand, was as relaxed as ever and was grinning.

“No, we weren’t dating when you last saw us,” he confirmed. He raised the hand that had been holding Agent Lisbon’s to the brunette’s face and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She pretended to be annoyed, but it was obvious to Sophie that Agent Lisbon was pleased with Patrick’s display of affection.

“We’re not dating, exactly,” Lisbon corrected.

Sophie raised an eyebrow, inquiringly. “Oh?”

“We’re lovers,” she told her.

“She means it in the modern, sexual definition, not the archaic, literal definition,” Patrick quipped.

Sophie tried very hard not to laugh. She always knew that the next time Patrick would be involved with a woman would be quite unorthodox and interesting. Watching Agent Lisbon and Patrick together confirmed this. He had casually put his arm against the back of Lisbon’s chair, effectively bringing himself closer to her without invading her personal space. Patrick clearly enjoyed touching agent Lisbon, displaying his affection publicly in these small forms. Agent Lisbon, on the other hand, showed either annoyance or ignored him.

“But you’re having coffee together,” Sophie insisted.

“It’s just coffee. We’re friends. We’re not going to start kissing and telling sweet nothings in each other’s ear,” Lisbon explained.

Patrick leaned back against his chair and looked at Lisbon. “Really? Is that what you do when you’re dating someone, Lisbon?” he asked clearly amused.

She scoffed, trying to hide her embarrassment. “I’m just saying.” She looked furtively at Patrick before looking at Sophie again, smiling her professional, well-rehearsed smile.

That’s when Sophie finally sees it, hidden between the depth of her eyes and the light blush on her cheeks. The thing that’s new about Agent Lisbon.

She’s in love.

~o~~

The End.

Mentalist fic: Small Sacrifices

2010-02-15T23:11:40Z

Title: Small Sacrifices
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon UST
Summary: How far would you go for someone you care about?
Spoilers: None
Prompts: Tea for mentalistprompt and ink stain (by chizuru_chibi)
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: Slightly disappointed by this one. This is one of those fics that sound much better in your head than typed up. Still posting to promote mentalistprompt.

~o~

One monotone Thursday afternoon, Lisbon saw the news of Red John’s arrest on television. She saw a glimpse of her former team: Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt. She desperately tried to look out for Jane, but there was no sign of him on the small screen.

“So they finally caught that bastard,” Michael commented from behind her.

Lisbon tore her eyes away from the TV and looked at her partner of six months. “Looks like it. Hopefully he’ll get the needle.”

Michael smirked. “Thought you were against capital punishment?”

Lisbon scrunched up her nose and give him a quick smile. “I’m making an exception in this case. Red John deserves the needle and much more.”

Michael frowned a bit and then his face illuminated. “Oh, how stupid of me, I forgot about those people at the CBI Red John murdered. You knew them, right?”

Lisbon nodded curtly and then grabbed the first file on her desk. She quickly glanced at it to see which one it was. “You know I’m not sure the Keller kid robbed Mrs Asher. There’s something off about the info we have on this case,” she said, changing the subject.

Michael caught on and began to go over the case with her.

~o~

The offer had slipped out before she had actually formulated a thought on it. She couldn’t believe she was hearing herself say those things. When she recovered, she began to take back the offer, when Donavan said:

“I could give you a fair amount of information if we made this arrangement a weekly thing.”

The deal was too tempting. She couldn’t say no. She didn’t trust her voice to speak so instead she took her shirt off.

~o~

The Tuesday after, Lisbon stopped in her tracks when she noticed a car in one of the visitors’ spaces in the parking lot. A Citroën DS. Jane’s car. She was debating going back home, when she noticed Michael and Jane coming out of the building. They were both smiling, although Jane’s smile wasn’t quite meeting his eyes.

“Hey Teresa, you’ve got a visitor,” Michael told her, indicating Jane. Sometimes Michael was really good at stating the obvious. “Patrick, here, was telling me about your days back at the CBI. Were you really a senior agent, in charge of your own unit? Why the hell would you come work here?”

Lisbon shrugged, her eyes focussed on Jane. She tried to size him up, to figure out why exactly he had come here. All she got was a blank.

“Tea?” she suggested.

This time, Jane’s smile reached his eyes.

~o~

Donavan was good. The information was always on her desk within the next few days. It was always given in a different format. Sometimes, it looked like case file, other times it looked like a magazine page or a scribbled note. Every single time there was an ink stain somewhere. That’s how she knew there was a code to crack and vital information to be found. He never gave her anything that could actually lead her to Red John, but instead he gave information that could help her gather evidence to find Red John.

Donavan was good. He was careful. His life was on the line.

~o~

She could feel Jane watching her as she poured milk in her cup. Unlike Jane, she didn’t insist on pouring the milk first. It really tasted the same. She had pathetically switched to tea over the last few months. She still drank coffee from time to time, but she had found comfort in drinking a cup of English Breakfast with milk. Jane had remained silent since they had arrived, which unnerved her. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t been the one to seek him. Still, she felt that he was going to remain silent until she spoke. She sighed, giving up.

“I saw on the news that you guys caught Red John. I’m surprised he’s still alive.”

Jane smiled again. The smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, the ones he used to hide his emotions. She waited for him to respond. She wasn’t going to do a monologue here.

“Change of heart,” Jane simply said.

She raised an eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe. When I left, you were more determined than ever to have the revenge you desperately wanted.”

“Things change,” Jane said, infuriatingly mysterious.

“What? What changed? What made you change your mind?” She wasn’t looking at Jane; she couldn’t. She was turning the spoon on her tea, her mug still completely full.

“Something Red John told me.”

She stopped turning her spoon. She was afraid to ask. She didn’t want to ask. She was pretty sure she knew the answer. So Jane knew. She should have known Red John would tell him. Humiliating her must have been too tempting for him. Nevertheless, she asked. There was a microscopic chance that Red John hadn’t told Jane.

“What did he tell you?”

“He told me who the informant was. Donavan. Ever heard of him?”

~o~

He wasn’t a terribly bad looking man. Not that it really mattered. The whole thing was horrible, irrelevantly to Donavan’s looks.

The first time had hurt. She hadn’t expected that. She was prepared now. She had lubricant.

Sometimes she managed to completely shut herself out. Even though she let out the correct noises at the appropriate times, her mind was sometimes on a case she was working on or the list of errands she had to run the next Saturday.

Other times she thought of Jane. Not in a sexual way. There was nothing sexual for her about what was going on. She thought of him and how this was important, more important than what was going on with her body at that moment.

~o~

She looked at Jane, but couldn’t hold his gaze more than a second. He obviously knew.

She had always known that this would be humiliating, but she had never thought it would be this bad. She had a hard time breathing and a huge knot had formed in her stomach. She suddenly felt something inside of her recoil and immediately ran towards the restroom. A minute later, she was emptying her entire stomach content in one of the toilets.

As she cleaned up, she saw in the mirror the door open and someone walking in. Jane. She ignored him and she continued to rinse her mouth.

“Why would you do something like that?”

She glanced at him in the mirror. “It was priceless information,” she explained.

Jane chuckled bitterly. “Priceless,” he repeated. “Even the price of your body?”

“You got Red John.”

“And you,” he countered, “what did you get?”

She threw away the paper towel she had in her hand and walked around him, leaving the restroom.

~o~

She had known right away how she was going to proceed. She asked Cho to come to her office and told him to shut the door. She gave him the info on Red John and told him to give it to Jane. Cho looked puzzled when she forbade him to tell Jane that she was the one providing the information. It was obvious that Cho wanted to ask her where she had gotten it, she could tell, but he was too respectful to ask. He followed her instruction to the letter.

Cho had always been reliable.

~o~

She didn’t see or hear from Jane the rest of the day. They had taken her car to go to the diner so she wasn’t too sure how he had gotten back to the office, but knowing Jane, she was sure he had managed. She had called the sheriff to tell him she was feeling sick, and had gone to a beach about 30 miles north, just to be sure she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew.

When she finally got back to her apartment around 8pm, she saw that Jane’s car was parked across the street. She sighed. It had been too much to hope that he had gone.

When she walked in her apartment, the smell of something cooking hit her nostrils. On her way to the kitchen, she noticed her table set for two. Jane was pouring tomato sauce on two plates of pasta. He smiled when he saw her standing there.

“Good, you’re right on time.”

“I’m not really hungry,” she whined.

“Nonsense. You haven’t eaten since this morning and you regurgitated your breakfast at Mel’s Diner.” He set the plates on the table and took a seat. “Come on, Lisbon, it’ll get cold.”

Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t resist a hot plate of homemade food. As she sat down, she said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jane nodded and began to eat.

She was eternally grateful.

~o~

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

After this was all over, she was never going to let another man touch her again.

~o~

When the plates had been cleared, Jane made tea for both of them and set a cup in front of her.

“My blood ran cold when he told me what you had done.”

So much for not talking about it.

Jane went on: “At first, I didn’t believe him. You couldn’t have done that, I thought. It was too much against your character. Or at the very least, I would have seen it.”

Lisbon couldn’t find the strength to stop him. It suddenly hit her that he needed to talk about it. Even though he hadn’t been there when it happened, it concerned him.

“The more he was telling me about it, how you found Donavan, how you approached him and the kind of information he gave you, the more I realized that it was true.” She glanced at Jane. He wasn’t looking at her. Instead his eyes were focussed on his untouched tea. “You two fooled Red John for quite a while. Four months. It took him four months to find out what was going on. He was furious about that; furious that you outplayed him for so long.” Jane sighed. “When Red John was going on and on about those four months, all I could think of is that every week for four months, a man was raping you.”

She interrupted him. “He wasn’t raping me, Jane. We had an arrangement.”

Jane looked at her square in the eye. “It wasn’t consensual, Teresa. That’s rape.”

“Not according to the law. Prostitution may be illegal, but it’s not rape,” she clarified.

“The law is wrong.” Jane shook his head. “Why did you do it? I told you I wasn’t worth it.”

“No, you’re twisting things. You said your life was worth sacrificing for Red John.”

“So was your body?”

She held his gaze and said in a determined tone, “so was my body.”

~o~

Donavan’s body was found three days after she had seen him last, a bloody red face painted on the wall.

She packed everything she owned, gave her resignation and left Sacramento. She hadn’t made it very hard to find her. She had used the bureau as a reference when she applied for a new job and had left a forwarding address.

She had received news from her team sporadically, but not a word from Jane.

~o~

“Why did you leave?”

“I couldn’t face you anymore. Besides, there was no point in staying. I had done what I could for you.”

“That was too much. You should have never done that.”

“You love your family, Jane. You were willing to sacrifice everything to avenge them. Surely, you understand where I’m coming from.” She saw the slow realization on his face. As perceptive as he was, he had never guessed this one thing, this one small thing. That was her cue to exit. “I’m going to take a shower now. Please be gone when I come out.”

She got up and left without looking at him. She managed to walk to the bathroom without running. She let out a deep sigh when she had closed and locked the door, relieved to be in the sanctuary of the bathroom.

“I’m not worth it,” she heard Jane say through the bathroom door. Thirty seconds later, she heard her front door open and shut.

As she stepped into the shower and let the water wash away her tears, Lisbon wondered if one day the pain of unrequited love would subside.

~o~

The end.

Mentalist fic: Losing (2nd of Secret Lies series)

2010-02-14T20:37:38Z

Title: Secret Lies: Losing
Author: Cat
Rating: K
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: Jane's one little spy. Alternate Universe. Episode tag to Red Bulls (2x07). Part of Secret Lies series (2nd fic).
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2 until Red Bulls (2x07).
Beta: fading_ripples -- thank you for making this so much better.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: You can read this as a one shot or as the 2nd part of the Secret Lies series: Secret Lies series tag.

~o~

Mid November 2009

When Jane was about to walk into the bullpen, book in hand, he noticed Bosco entering Lisbon’s office, two full shot glasses in hand. Jane stopped in his tracks. From where he was standing he could get a good view of Lisbon’s office and be within earshot.

Lisbon was smiling at Bosco, the kind of smile she reserved to things that she really likes. Jane doesn’t like that.

“Thought I would resurrect an old tequila tradition,” Bosco said to Lisbon, handing her one of the shot glasses.

“I’m in,” Lisbon said cheerfully as she took the glass.

Bosco whispered “Cheers” so softly that Jane almost missed it. What Jane definitely didn’t miss was the way Lisbon was looking at Bosco, like she cared about him, really cared. A knot formed in his throat as he watched Lisbon clinking her glass with Bosco’s and downing the drink. She didn’t take her eyes off of Bosco the entire time.

“Smooth,” she commented.

“Yes, it is,” Bosco agreed.

She sat at the corner of her desk and sighed loudly, happily almost. The ghost of a smile kept playing on her lips.

“So am I someone you know now?” Bosco asked her.

She nodded and, smiling even more, confirmed, “I’m starting to recognize you, yeah.”
Jane’s ears pricked up when Bosco said: “You know that thing you said about Jane making you a better cop? You don’t believe that.”

Jane’s heart skipped a beat. He had no idea what she was going to say.

“I may have exaggerated for effect.” Her smile grew even bigger.

Jane could see Bosco nodding his approval. “Anyway, I wanted to say that it’s been nice working with you again.” They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. Why was Lisbon looking at Bosco like that?

“You too,” she said gently like she meant it.

They were silent for a moment and Lisbon broke into one of the cutest laughs Jane had heard in a while. She used to laugh with him, but didn’t so much anymore. Not since he had been thrown in jail. She still spent time with him, but she didn’t laugh. Not like that.

“Good night,” Bosco told her.

Jane swiftly crossed the bullpen. By the time Bosco reached the couch, Jane was calmly reading, appearing to have been sitting there for quite some time.

Bosco gave him the Red John file. Jane finally got his way.

So why did he feel like he was losing?

~o~

The End.

Mentalist fic: Home

2010-02-12T16:35:58Z

Title: Home
Author: Cat
Rating: K+
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon friendship
Summary: "Where's Jane?".
Spoilers: None
Prompt: Fear, Ice, Rush (by tromana)
Beta: Challenge/Meme ficcing so no beta.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.

~o~

01 – Rush

When Lisbon opened the van’s door, she quickly realized that three people were sitting in the car instead of four as she had expected.

“Where’s Jane?” she asked the agents.

“Don’t know.” Van Pelt shrugged. “He said he would take the flight back tomorrow.

Lisbon frowned for a fraction of a second before she realized exactly where Jane was. After all this time, she shouldn’t even have to ask. As she got in the car, she glanced at Cho and Rigsby who were sitting in the back. They both held her gaze for a second longer than necessary. They both knew where Jane was as well. As they drove to the airport, her thoughts remained on Jane and what he was doing to himself once again. He was the master of mental masochism. She wasn’t sure exactly what he did in that house, but she was fairly sure it wasn’t anything good.

By the time they arrived at the airport, Lisbon had made up her mind.

“I’ll take the flight back tomorrow as well,” she told her team. Van Pelt looked extremely surprised, Rigsby looked at as if he were saying ‘your funeral’ and Cho frowned (no doubt out of concern for her).

“What about work?” Van Pelt asked.

“It’s Saturday tomorrow. Don’t worry.” She emphasized the last sentence for Rigsby and mostly Cho’s benefit. “I’ll see you guys on Monday.” She waived them off and grabbed her suitcase before going towards the taxi line. She tried not to appear to rush, but she failed miserably.

02 – Ice

Lisbon stood in front of the house a good five minutes before even attempting to get inside. The house was dark. If it weren’t for the rental car in the driveway, she wouldn’t have been sure that he was there. She inhaled deeply as she took the few steps towards the door. She’s not worried because she’s afraid she can’t handle him. She’s always been able to more or less handle him. She just wasn’t sure how broken he would be. Every time had spoken about what happened had been about revenge. He never spoke about how it was hurting him every day. She was pretty sure she would be unwelcome here, but at the same time she had to know how bad it was. She had to know if he needed anything. She had to know exactly how deep he was.

She almost rang the doorbell, but at the last moment, she decided to try to see if the door was open. Unsurprisingly, it was. When she walked in the first thing she noticed was the emptiness. This house was a vast empty room. As she walked a little further into the house, she stepped on some envelopes. Glancing on her left, she noticed a small table flooded with unopened mail. There was no sign of Jane on the ground floor. She looked at the imposing stairs in front of her. Hesitantly, she climbed the stairs toward the upper floor. As she reached the top of the stairs, she took in the hallway in front of her. All the doors were shut, except one, the one at the end of the hall. That one was left a little ajar.

She didn’t bother knocking. She just opened the door. The scene was gruesome. Jane was lying on a mattress which was laid directly on the floor with the horrible Red John smiley drawn on the wall above him. His eyes were closed, but she doubted he was sleeping. Jane’s voice confirmed her suspicions.

“What are you doing here?” he asked without opening his eyes.

“I was worried.” Lisbon knew it was a lame excuse. He had been going here the last night of any case that was remotely near to Malibu. She was always worried, but never invaded his privacy. She wasn’t sure what made her do it this time.

“Go home Lisbon.”

She sat on the floor next to the mattress. “Can’t. Must have missed the flight by now.”

“Well you can’t sleep here. This mattress is the only piece of furniture in the house. There’s no room for you.”

“Sure there is.” She nudged him. “Scoot over.”

“Lisbon...” he protested.

“Scoot over. It’s late and I’m not scouring around Malibu and Santa Monica to find a place to stay.” She pushed him toward the wall and laid down on the tiny space she had managed to push from Jane.

Jane sighed and moved further back to leave her more space. He closed his eyes and listened to her breathing. Five minutes later, he fell asleep.

The room was ice cold, but watching Jane sleep as peacefully as he possibly could, she didn’t mind one bit.

03 – Fear

When Lisbon woke up the next morning, she immediately noticed that she was alone in the room. She got up and stumbled out of the room. She tried to fight the dizziness she felt from getting up too quickly as she walked down the stairs. Once she had reached the bottom of the stairs, it didn’t take her long to realize that Jane wasn’t there. She went upstairs again and frantically searched the other rooms. After a few minutes, she finally admitted to herself that Jane had gone and left her all by herself in the house.

Her heart was hammering in her chest. It seemed stupid to react so violently to being alone in a beautiful, coastal house on a sunny Saturday morning. She couldn’t help feeling Red John’s presence. This entire house was screaming “crime scene”. Curiosity got the best of her and she went back to the room where she and Jane had slept. Last night, she had been so concentrated on Jane that she hadn’t paid that much attention to the smiley face drawn on the wall. She cautiously stepped inside, braced herself and looked at the drawing on the wall facing her.

It was familiar, but at the same time, it was not. A chill ran through her spine. She felt a hand on her back and she jumped nearly three feet high.

Jane.

He was holding two Starbucks cups and had an awkward, fake smile.

“No one’s seen this since the police cleared the crime scene.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Actually, no one’s been here since the police left years ago.”

Lisbon nodded, feeling awkward. She had invaded his home and privacy. He had never asked her to come here. Last night, it had seemed like a good idea, but this morning, not so much. He handed her a cup and she took it eagerly, grateful to have something to occupy herself with.

“Sometimes I stray. My desire to find some kind of happiness in my life makes me forget why I am so obsessed with Red John, with vengeance. It’s good to come here once in a while. This is a good reminder.”

Lisbon isn’t sure if she would use the qualifier ‘good’.

Probably sensing what she was thinking, Jane continued: “This is their blood, Lisbon.”

She looked at the smiley face in a different light. This had been drawn by Red John over six years ago. This had been drawn with the blood of Jane’s wife and daughter. It was their blood. She could imagine Red John drawing the face.

For the first time, instead of being afraid of what Jane will do when they find Red John, Lisbon is afraid that they won’t find him.

This was their blood.

~o~

The End.

Mentalist fic: 3am Rendez-Vous (1st of Secret Lies series)

2010-02-10T09:46:53Z

Title: Secret Lies: 3am Rendez-Vous
Author: Cat
Rating: T
Fandom: The Mentalist
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: Alternate Universe. Episode tag to Red Badge (2x03). What if Jane and Lisbon were lovers during Red Badge?
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2 up to Red Badge (2x03)
Beta: Thank you to fadding_ripples for her incredible patience.
Dislcaimer: All characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes: This fic is the first one of a series that will be episode tags, not necessarily in chronological order.

~o~

September 2009

Lisbon’s day had just gone from bad to worse. She was beyond shocked. She could not understand how her fingerprints had appeared on the murder weapon. Minelli didn’t appear to completely believe her innocence. It hurt.

She shouldn’t have been surprised that Jane walked in when Bosco was about to ask her some questions, but she was. She was not surprised, however, when he clearly showed his desire to stay. Secretly, she was glad that Jane was there. Even though he couldn’t do anything, she felt his presence as something calming, something to hold onto.

She needed it, especially since she had to lie for the first question. She made sure not to look at Jane when she declared to have been at home, watching tv on Tuesday. It would have been harder to lie if she had been looking at him. When Bosco started to be more pressing, she couldn’t help looking at Jane for reassurance, making herself more confident when telling her lie. Jane even ended up helping her out, which she was very grateful for. However, Bosco didn’t seem to believe her and she started to panic when he mentioned a polygraph. There was no way she would go under a lie detector. She had her reputation to protect. What bad luck that the murder occurred on Tuesday night of all nights. She ended up leaving Minelli’s office angry and frustrated. She couldn’t believe Bosco and Minelli were doubting her innocence. On the other hand, she was really frustrated at her inability to defend herself properly.

About an hour later she got a text from Jane asking her to meet her at their usual coffee place. She sighed, annoyed. She knew what it would be about and she was even more annoyed at having to go out of her way to have this particular conversation with Jane.

~o~

She ordered a latte to go, ensuring that she could make a quick exit if there was need. Jane didn’t arrive much later after she sat down. In normal circumstances, she would enjoy this: coffee outdoors with Jane on a beautiful day with a gorgeous view, but not today. Definitely not today.

“What’s up that we couldn’t talk inside? I’m busy.”

“Thought you might want to be outside so you could express your anger without constraints.”

“Why?”

“Why did you lie to Bosco about what you did on Tuesday night?” Jane asked as soon as he sat down.

“You know why.”

“Teresa, this is a murder investigation.”

She tried to remain calm, despite the fact that she had a very strong urge to throw her coffee in his face. “You don’t think I know that? I didn’t do it. You know I didn’t do it. It will come out sooner or later and I don’t have to drag my reputation through the mud.”

“I could give you an alibi.”

“Please everyone at the CBI knows that you would lie for me without a second thought. You’re not much of an alibi. Even if I took the polygraph test, they wouldn’t consider it a clean cut alibi. I will not jeopardize my reputation and career over whatever we have.”

Jane leaned closer and looked directly into her eyes. “You’re jeopardizing your reputation and career by not telling the truth, Lisbon.”

“There is absolutely no guarantee that telling the truth will exonerate me, so for the meantime, I am sticking to my story.”

Jane narrowed his eyes, but didn’t break eye contact. “You’re talking as if you were guilty.”

“You’re doubting my innocence as well? You were with me on Tuesday.” She shook her head in disbelief, her shoulders slightly slouching.

“I was, which is my entire point. Why are you so willing to risk being accused of murder in order to keep our arrangement a secret? Are you afraid of what Minelli and Bosco will think of you if they knew?”

“Go to hell,” she whispered angrily as she walked away.

~o~

“Jane.”

He opened his eyes and looked up to see Lisbon standing at the end of the couch.

“You failed the polygraph.”

She nodded.

“I suppose you came to apologize for being so stubborn.”

She nodded and tried to keep the tears in. She felt powerless with all the accusations and secrecy and Jane was being a jackass, as usual.

“Want to go for a walk?” he asked gently. Maybe not that much of a jackass.

~o~

“Do you think it’s possible that I left after you’ve fallen asleep and killed McTeer?” Lisbon asked as they entered her house. “Maybe I blocked out the murder because I don’t want to remember it.”

Jane walked into the kitchen and picked up her kettle. Opening one of her cupboards, he took out her tea box. He put water in the kettle and turned it on. As she watched him move around her kitchen, she wondered if he heard her question.

Finally, he turned around to look at her and answer her question. “It is possible, but you didn’t kill McTeer.”

“How would you know? You were asleep the whole night. I could have easily slipped out, killed McTeer and come back without you ever waking up. Dr. Carmen said that it’s a possibility.”

“So the Good Doctor knows about us?”

Lisbon nodded. “He guessed and I confirmed it today. He thinks I may have blocked out McTeer’s murder in order to protect you.”

Jane shook his head as he clarified his point of view: “I would have woken up if you had gotten out of bed.” He took two mugs out and poured milk in one of them. Grabbing two teabags from the box, he put one in each mug.

“You sleep incredibly well after sex, Jane. I don’t think you would wake up if I detonated a bomb next to you.” She chuckled humorlessly. “Do you have any idea how many reports I’ve finished with you sleeping next to me? You never stir once.”

“That’s because you’re there. For some reason, and please don’t take this as a big romantic symbol, but I sleep better when you’re close. It probably has something to do with the fact that you can fire a gun extremely well.”

She shrugged. She was well aware that Jane was with her because it was comforting. She was also one of the rare people he trusted. She had stopped believing there would be anything more than friendship, and now sex, between them a long time ago.

“Six weeks ago,” Jane continued, “you were about to leave early to answer a call, remember? You wanted to let me sleep some more before putting me on the case. I woke up as soon as you had left the bed.”

The kettle whistled and Jane filled the mugs with boiling water.

Lisbon looked in the distance, trying to remember the morning he was talking about. She jogged her memory, thinking about the times they spent together over a month ago. She thought of the ‘morning-after’s, which usually varied from one to the next. Finally, she recalled an early morning call, Jane sleeping soundly next to her, not woken by the ringing of her cell phone, and her not having the courage to wake him up. “Oh yeah,” she said as she remembered. She remembered how shocked she had been to see him awake, sitting up on the bed, when she had finished dressing.

Jane handed Lisbon her cup of tea. “I think you need this.” She smiled gratefully.

“See,” he said, “I sleep when you’re not there, but not as well. I wake up every 15 minutes or so. There is no way you could have gone, killed McTeer and come back in 15 minutes. I’m sure you didn’t do it, but, if you want, I could put you in a light trance…”

Lisbon shook her head vehemently. “No hypnosis Jane. I don’t want you inside my head.”

“I would make it quick and this way you would be sure. You’ll feel so much better once you’re sure.”

Lisbon shook her head. “No thank you.” She smiled at him. “There’s something else I would rather be doing.”

~o~

Jane had put her Spice Girls CD on as a joke. He had been trying to lighten up the mood, which had been very sweet of him, actually. She never had sex to ‘Wannabe’ before. It was a weird experience. As they laid on her bed, for once not falling asleep straight after, she tried not to think that the last time they had done this, McTeer was being killed.

“This is the fifth time we’ve done this at a time that wasn’t between 2 and 4 o’clock in the morning.”

She frowned. Jane was right. Usually they had sex because Jane couldn’t sleep. It was as simple as that. She was his sleeping pill and her lack of sex life the last couple of years had made her more than willing to oblige. So Jane would usually crawl in her bed around 3am, and wake her up to do naughty things. Afterwards he would always sleep like a baby. They had, therefore, rarely slept together outside that early morning timeframe. The first time they didn’t was actually the first time they slept together. That was after Jane shot Hardy. They had both needed it. Jane had surprisingly slept so well after the sex that he had easily figured out that sleeping with her helped him sleep. Since that day they had been sleeping together 2-3 times a week, nearly always early morning.

The second time they slept together outside early morning hours was her first meeting with Dr. Carmen. She had been so frustrated by not being signed off and having to come back again. As soon as she had been out of the Doctor’s office, she called Jane up and asked him if he wanted to come over.

The third time had been the day they lost the Red John case. They did it in the car, right before he was meeting Bosco. They both had an extremely frustrating day and she had been the one needing to release some of the tension. She had parked on an empty side road right outside Sacramento and literally jumped him.

The fourth time had been Tuesday night. Dr. Carmen had started to ask many questions about her working habits and her team. She had been particularly annoyed when he had started to investigate the nature of her relationship with Jane.

“Hm, it happens when I’m annoyed.”

“Don’t you find it interesting that in the last four months, we have slept together about 50 times and the murder happened to be one of the rare times we slept together at a time other than 3am?”

She shrugged. “I guess.”

“Hm,” was all Jane said. “You sure I can’t put you under a very short, light hypnosis? We’ll know once and for all.”

Lisbon grabbed her underwear and shirt. “Fine, but it better be quick.”

Jane grinned. “Promise.”

It was unbelievable the things she allowed him to do after they’ve had sex.

~o~

Jane and Lisbon were sitting in Lisbon’s living room across from each other. Jane was talking in a very soft, soothing voice. “So you’re going down the steps, relaxing with each step. Now you reach the bottom, the very last step, the ultimate place of calm. How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Good. You’re going to remain in this relaxed trance state. Only think about Tuesday night, but first: you liked having sex to that Spice Girls CD, didn’t you?” He half-smiled, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah,” Lisbon answered, smiling. She started dancing a little bit as if the music was playing in her head.

“I thought so. Now Tuesday. You’re going to watch the whole day like it’s a movie. Every detail is in focus. You can zoom into any moment you want. You can fast-forward, rewind. You are in total control, ok?”

“Ok,” she said in a complete relaxed tone.

“Good. What do you see?”

“I’m finishing up the form 41s on the Noel Bank case. I feel hungry because I skipped lunch. The new guy in the mail room is hot.”

“Is he?” Jane asked, curious.

“Yeah,” she breathed out.

He wasn’t jealous exactly, but he didn’t like the fact that Lisbon noticed the new guy that way. He preferred moving on from that particular topic. “Let’s fast-forward a little, later in the day. You’re about to leave CBI.”

“Van Pelt’s working late. She’s a hard worker. She might do well if she manages not to sleep with Rigsby.”

“Where do you go now?”

“Home. You’re already there when I arrive. I called you earlier. You could tell I needed you.”

He couldn’t resist asking. He had an idea why she had called him out of the blue to meet up, but he just wanted his suspicions confirmed. “Why did you?”

“I had an appointment with Dr. Carmen. He asked too many questions. I was annoyed.”

Jane had thought as much. He nodded, even though Lisbon couldn’t see it.“What happens next?”

“We have sex on the kitchen table.” Her lips curled a little at that and he couldn’t help smiling back. “I’m worried it’ll break,” she added.

“But it didn’t,” he pointed out.

“No, it didn’t.”

“What did you do after that?” He knew, of course, but wanted to see what she would remember.

“I go to the bathroom to take a shower. When I come out you’re already in bed, but you’re not asleep yet.”

“Do you see me fall asleep?”

She nodded. “Yes. You did as soon as I got in bed.”

“What do you remember next?”

She frowned, looking unsure, but then answered: “Feeling sleepy.”

“And then?” he prompted.

“I remember waking up,” she says confidently. “I hear something. Someone’s dressing.” She paused and added: “It’s you.”

“Did you check your clock? Do you know what time it is?”

“Um… yes. Yes I did. It’s 5:36am. You smile when you see me awake and you tell me you’ll see me at the office.”

Jane nodded, satisfied. He remembered as much.

“Good.” He leaned forward and placed a hand on her forehead. “Open your eyes.”

Lisbon opened her eyes and looked at Jane straight in the eye. “So, I didn’t do it right?”

“You definitely didn’t do it,” he reassured her.

~o~

Lisbon dropped the bottle of rum she had in her hand. Prescription pills were scattered across her coffee table. Behind her Dr. Carmen was standing, trying to reason with her.

“You killed McTeer?” he asked her.

She swiftly turned around, displaying the gun she had in her hand as she did so.

“How the hell would I know? Maybe. I thought I was sleeping, but Jane was sleeping the whole time so he can’t confirm it. Maybe I blocked it. Maybe I did it and the guilt made me block it out. Everyone I know: Jane, Minelli, my team, even Bosco will be disappointed and hurt.”

Dr. Carmen looked scared. “Teresa, you want to put away your Glock there.” He tried to use a calm tone, but wasn’t succeeding.

“Very good eye Doctor. The Glock 9mm. The safety’s at the trigger. How stupid is that? I mean, it’s kind of not having a safety at all.”

“How about you give it to me?” he asked as he extended a hand out.

She pointed the gun at him and he jumped, closing his eyes, scared. “Don’t look at me like that.” She waved the gun left and right. “Don’t look at me like that. This is your fault.”

Dr. Carmen opened his eyes again. “Teresa,” was all he said.

“You unlocked too many things in my head and now I can’t trust my own memories. My head is messed up and it’s your fault.”

“Teresa, put it down. You need to be calm and put down the gun.”

“Calm?” Her voice pitched up. “You were right Doctor, there was something I wanted to tell you. I act calm on the outside, but on the inside I’m so angry I think I’m going to explode. All the pain and misery I see everyday makes me want to scream but I lock it down.” Tears started to well up in her eyes and her voice was shaking. “I lock it down because I have to be calm and rational because that’s my job. I also want to be there for Jane. He needs me. But I need him too. I need him and he still wears his wedding ring. Still, I have to stay calm, be his rock and be there for him. But I want to pull this trigger. I want to kill.”

“You’re angry. I hear that.” Dr. Carmen said, trying to calm Lisbon down.

“I think I did it,” she confessed. “I think I killed McTeer.”

“Sshh, Teresa. If you did it, that’s ok. He was a bad man. There’s no need to hurt anyone else or yourself.” His voice had become steadier. He was regaining control of the situation.

“I still can’t remember.”

“You can and you will. When you do, when you push through to the truth, all this weight and worry will come off your shoulders,” he said in a hopeful tone.

“Ok,” she whispered.

“I want you to visualize that scene for me. Relive that moment. You went into the alley after this terrible man. Can you see him?”

“No. Well, yes,” she hesitated. “Maybe.”

“Yes, you see him. You see the dumpsters, and the trash and the crumbling old bricks and you see McTeer.” He’s getting excited. “You see him, there, this monster who has destroyed so many lives. It’s too much. See it Teresa. Live it. The weak, the garbage, the filthy alley walls, the faded cross there. God may have mercy on William McTeer, but you sure as hell wouldn’t.” His tone is now focused and in control. “He deserved to die, but you’re still a good person, Teresa. You can get through this.”

“The cross?”

“The what?” Dr. Carmen asked, confused.

Lisbon’s tone is now calm for the first time since Dr. Carmen had walked in her house. “The cross, Roy. How did you know about the cross? It was inside the door; only the killer saw it.”

“Well, Teresa, you told me about the crime scene.”

“No, I didn’t.”

As Dr. Carmen began to realize the implications of her statement, Jane, sitting on the stairs that lead to Lisbon’s bedroom, exclaimed, “Oh, beautifully done. Lovely work, Lisbon,” he praised her as he got up and walked down the stairs.

“Wha?” Dr. Carmen appeared confused.

Jane ignored it and continued, “Of course, the cross. You couldn’t resist the imagery, could you, doc? Catholic, perhaps?”

“What’s going on?” Dr. Carmen asked.

“Surrender, Dorothy, we got you. Brilliant though, make Lisbon come back week after week for months so you would get her fingerprints off your coffee mug. You kept talking about the Hardy incident, making sure I was always part of the conversation, picking up on every detail she would give you about me and our relationship. You knew all along that we’ve been seeing each other. You probably followed us a few times, figured out when we were together, realized that since we’re usually sleep-deprived, we always fall asleep straight after. Probably noticed that Lisbon and I got together outside early morning hours only when she was really irritated about something. Last Tuesday, you made sure she would be especially exasperated with you.” He looked at Lisbon. “You knew she would call me and you knew she would conceal our relationship, which made her fail the polygraph. Quite the student of human nature, huh Doctor? Well done, really,” he complimented as he turned back toward Dr. Carmen.

“Your breakdown in CBI, that was fake?” Dr. Carmen asked Lisbon.

Jane and Lisbon’s gaze locked. “And how good was that? Huh?” Jane said proudly as she smiled at him. “What about that?” Jane broke eye contact and looked back at the doctor. “After that all I had to do was get Minelli to get you to come around here.”

“I’ve been waiting for you all night.”

“There was one little thing, one little thing,” Jane pointed out. “Counting on us sleeping through the night, that was a little risky. When Lisbon isn’t next to me, my sleep is always much lighter. I would have known if she had gone. When Lisbon couldn’t remember doing anything after we fell asleep, even under hypnosis, I knew she couldn’t have done it. The rest of it, spot on. Very, very impressive.”

“Thanks,” Dr. Carmen said bitterly.

“Not at all,” Jane said seriously. Even if he was giving a slightly light-hearted speech, he was angry as hell for trying to frame Lisbon. And so was she.

She punched the doctor square in the face.

“You’re under arrest,” she said to him as she cuffed him. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in court. You have the right to an attorney…”

~o~

“I hear Minelli’s billing you for the glass,” Bosco said to Lisbon from the threshold of her office.

“It’s only fair,” she replied, smiling, thinking back to her fake meltdown and the insane genius behind it.

“You know for a cop, you make a very convincing lunatic.” Bosco paused as he walked in. The next words seem almost hard for him to let them out. “Jane must be proud.”

“Maybe it’s not good police work, but I have to confess: I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once.”

“Look, I’m glad you got cleared,” Bosco told her.

A knot began to form in her stomach. Guilt started to rise up and she wondered what Bosco would say if he knew about her and Jane. “I’m sorry that we couldn’t let you in on the plan.”

“You could have, but you didn’t.” He walked towards her until he was standing right in front of her. She felt uncomfortable, having him standing so close. “You should know,” he adds, “that if it had turned out to be you…”

“I know,” she confirms.

“So you do. Enough said.”

She was sure that Bosco wouldn’t have stood so close or said the things he just said had he known about her and Jane. Speaking of the devil, Jane strode into the office, completely unabashed.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” he asked, knowing full well he was. Lisbon started to think that Jane might have a very, very small jealous streak.

“No,” Bosco quickly replied. “Good night Lisbon,” he told her as he walked out.

“Good night Sam,” Jane said as he half followed Bosco on his way to the door, almost making sure the man was leaving them alone. Lisbon chose to ignore this unusual display of jealousy. The two of them had had enough on their plates the last few days.

“Doughnuts from Marie’s.” Jane indicated the white paper bag he was holding.

“Ah,” Lisbon said appreciatively as she took the bag from him. Jane glanced back outside her office, at Bosco’s retreating form.

“I didn’t see it,” he said as he kept looking outside her office. “Of course,” he added, finally looking at her.

“What?” Lisbon asked, digging in the bag to get a doughnut. She took a bite as soon as she got a hold of one.

“He’s in love with you,” Jane explained.

“Don’t be silly.”

“I know, hard to fathom, but there’s no accounting for taste, is there?”

“Hush,” she ordered as she threw the bag of doughnuts at him. He caught it and walked out.

Jane turned around and poked his head back. After watching her rummaging through her box for a second, he said: “I’ll come by later?”

She looked up from the box and smiled. “Sure, around 2am?”

He grinned. “How about we make it midnight for a change?”

~o~

The End.

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