Revolution fic: M for...

Title for...
Author:  Cat
Rating:  PG-13
Fandom:  Revolution
Pairing:  Charlie/Miles
Summary:  It's hard to want something you can't have.
Spoilers:  Up to 1x10 - Nobody's Fault But Mine.
Beta:fading_ripples- As always, the only one I trust with my terrible writing despite the fact that she knows nothing about this show.

Dislcaimer ll characters were borrowed for non-lucrative purposes.
Author's Notes irst of 3 Secret Santa fics for mercscilla. Prompt: Pretend

. . .

The word exhaustion barely covered the way Charlie was feeling. Now that she knew Danny was relatively safe, she didn’t have the energy she had when she traveled to rescue him. She tried not to let it show but she had seen Miles looking at her sideways when she rested a few seconds against a tree or closed her eyes to temporarily shut her brain down. She had pretended not to notice it and attempted to walk closer to Danny and her mother and a bit further away from Miles.

They were on their way to Denver to recover one of the pendants. Monroe was currently concentrating its efforts on Georgia so they were hoping they would reach Denver before Monroe turned to Plains. They had to do everything they could to prevent Monroe getting a hold of all the pendants.

They were still in the Monroe Republic, a few days walk away from the Illinois-Missouri border. Charlie didn’t know how she would be able to manage walking all the way to Colorado. They had settled on high ground for the night, Nora taking first watch and her mother, second. Charlie was eternally grateful that her turn to keep watch was not until the next night. She lied down and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would claim her quickly.

Not long after she had closed her eyes, she heard the rustle of leaves and felt someone close to her. She slowly opened her eyes, hoping to see Danny, or even her mother, but it was Miles’ worried eyes that greeted her.

“Hey,” Miles said in his rough voice.

She smiled a little, hoping to alleviate whatever worried him. “Hi,” she answered. Miles lied down next to her as close as possible without actually touching her body with his. He was looking up at the sky and Charlie hoped that he was lying next to her because of his overprotectiveness of her and not because he wanted to start a conversation.

Her desire seemed to be fulfilled when he lied there for a few minutes without saying anything. Miles’ breathing evened which told Charlie that he probably fell asleep. She closed her eyes again and willed herself to sleep. She tried to ignore the sound of his breathing that seemed so masculine – how can breathing be masculine? But it was. She could also feel heat emanating from his body and she had to control herself so she wouldn’t scoot closer and wrap her arms around him.

“You’re tired,” Miles said softly, almost as he was sharing a confidence. Charlie opened her eyes in surprise and turned to look at Miles. He had turned to his side, stretched out facing her, supporting his head with his hand. His other hand reached out to caress her cheek and she suppressed the urge to turn her head in his caress and kiss his hand. Instead, she concentrated on what he had just said.

“We all are,” she replied back, hoping to diffuse his worry.

He cupped her face at her jawline and softly rubbed his thumb on her cheek. The gesture was so intimate that if Miles hadn’t been her uncle, she would have thought that it meant more than simple platonic affection. She could feel that he wanted to take her in his arms and there was very little that she wanted more than that but her mother was close and somehow Charlie knew that she wouldn’t approve. So instead, Miles moved his hand to her shoulder and gently pushed her down on the ground.

“Rest, then. You need it. Nothing will happen to you – I’ll look out for you.”

She smiled and closed her eyes. She fell into the deepest sleep she had in months.

. . .

The next day, Charlie felt a lot more energized after having had such a good night’s rest. She knew her energy was temporary but she was grateful for it while it lasted. She happily talked with Danny, telling him in more details than she had before, everything she had been through while trying to get him back. She was telling him about her time on the Militia recruitment ship when her mother took a couple of strides in their direction and interrupted her, eyes wild with concern. She grabbed Charlie’s arm and lifted up her sleeve, revealing the ‘M’ scar she had been sporting the last couple of months.

“You got branded?” she asked Charlie, clearly not really believing what was right in front of her.

Charlie nodded awkwardly. She had tried to forget about the branding and its meaning. She looked at Miles who was looking intensely at her, guilt written all over his face. She unsuccessfully tried to convey that she didn’t blame him at all. Her mother followed her line of sight and turned to Miles.

“You let this happen,” she accused him. “Now people will think she was Militia. She’ll be persecuted because of this.”

Miles’ guilt turned into fury. “Don’t you think I know that?” he shouted at Rachel. “I would do anything to erase this scar from her arm, but I can’t!”

Rachel marched up to Miles and hissed: “You were supposed to protect her.”

Both Charlie and Danny stared at them, dumbfounded to see the two fight. Sensing this, Nora put a gentle hand on Charlie’s back, urging her to keep walking. “Come on,” she told the siblings. “Let’s keep going.” They followed Nora’s instructions and kept walking, going around their mother and Miles, trying to ignore the imaginary daggers they were throwing at each other. As they walked on with Nora and Aaron at their side, they could hear the voices of the two in-laws fighting behind them. Charlie momentarily stopped to turn around and caught Miles’ gaze. His lips turned slightly upward in an almost smile, an attempt to reassure her. This was not lost on Charlie’s mother who quickly turned to see who had captured Miles’ attention. Rachel’s facial expression and body language changed as soon as she realized that Miles had been looking at Charlie. She turned back to Miles, significantly lowering her voice and Miles did the same. Charlie could barely hear that they were talking at all. She looked at them, trying to guess what they were talking about until Aaron called out to her to keep going, assuring her that Miles and Rachel would catch up.

. . .

She never found out exactly what her mother and Miles had been talking about but she was fairly sure that it had something to do with her and her relationship with Miles. Ever since his fight with Rachel, Miles had been distant from her. He barely spoke to her and always walked several feet away from her, ensuring that there was always at least one person between them. She still caught him looking at her from time to time but he always looked away when she did.

She was angry at her mother for driving a wedge between her and Miles. She knew that Rachel and Miles’ relationship was complicated and that he was the one who had taken her mother prisoner in the first place. She had never been given the details but she hadn’t wanted them: he wasn’t the same man he used to be. She saw him change every day. Her mother saw it as immature idealization and naivety but her mother’s judgment was also clouded by resentment and jealousy. Miles, Aaron and Danny were the three people who had never let her down – that she could rely on. She also trusted Nora now, knowing that the train bombing incident was a thing of the past and a lesson learned. She still wasn’t too sure about her mother and Danny seemed to have confirmed her suspicions. It would take time for Charlie to get to know her mother again.

Her mother wasn’t doing herself any favors, however, by taking away the person Charlie relied on the most. But Charlie wasn’t someone to take things lying down. She would confront Miles at the first opportunity she had, which came less than 48 hours later when the group came upon a lake and all agreed to wash up in turns. Miles went in last and Charlie slipped out of their temporary settlement to sneak back to the lake.

The water covered his body up to his mid torso and it was dark enough not to reveal anything private to Charlie. She saw Miles reach for his knife on reflex when he heard Charlie’s footsteps. He visibly relaxed once he recognized her, but then got tense again as he realized that he was alone with Charlie.

“You shouldn’t be here, Charlie,” he told her sternly but Charlie wasn’t impressed.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Miles looked down. “I’m not avoiding you,” he said meekly, hardly putting any effort into the lie.

“Bullshit,” Charlie said angrily. “What did my mom say to you?”

Miles looked at her and opened his mouth to answer her, but closed it again before saying anything. Charlie sat by the bank and put her hands on his shoulders. She tried to ignore how their shape and hardness turned her on. She looked into his eyes and encouraged him to speak by saying “Miles” gently and with affection.

Miles sighed and dropped his gaze to the water. When he looked back at her, he seemed sad. “You shouldn’t be spending so much time with me, Charlie. I’m not a good role model. You should get to know your mother better and enjoy having Danny back.”

Charlie shook her head, confused. “I’m already spending time with Danny and it will take time with my mother. It can’t happen overnight.” What Miles was saying to her didn’t make any sense. They had gotten so close. Why had it all changed so suddenly? Why did he think that he could influence her even more than he already had? What had her mother said to him?

“And I’m the reason she was taken away in the first place, Charlie. Why do you ignore this? Why do you pretend that I’m not the awful person that I am?” His eyes were pleading with her and she wanted to kiss him. It took her aback. She had craved his touch and affection but she had never wanted to kiss him before. She had wanted to give him the odd chaste kiss on the cheek or hand but she had never had the desire to kiss him fully on the lips, to slip her tongue inside his mouth and be as close to him as possible. She felt weird in the pit of her stomach.

She pushed the feeling down, doing her best to ignore it. “I’m not pretending anything, Miles. You did awful things in the past – I think you were lost and now you’re slowly finding your way back.” She had tears in her eyes and felt a bit embarrassed about it. She moved her hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck and leaned into a hug, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Miles ran his fingers through her hair affectionately. She wasn’t entirely successful at ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered in her ear. She nodded, not trusting her voice, hoping he would feel it. “We have to stay away from each other for a little while. We have to let time pass a little. It’s better this way.”

Charlie wanted to ask why but knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with whatever vague answer he would give her. Instead, she preferred to enjoy the last few moments she had alone with Miles for a while. And when Aaron asked her why she was wet later when she got back to the group, she merely shrugged and said she hadn’t completely dried herself off when she put her clothes back on.

She ignored the concerned look her mother gave her.

. . .

Miles didn’t mention Charlie’s exhaustion since the night he had slept by her side until they crossed the Illinois border into Iowa and finally left the Monroe Republic behind them. Three days after they crossed the border, they were all sitting in a clearing nearby a town, sharing the little food they had, except for Miles and Nora who had gone somewhere. Charlie tried not to be bothered when Danny made a lewd suggestion about what they went off to do. They were gone for several hours and even Rachel began to worry when they saw the sun began to lower down in the horizon. Charlie’s worry that they had gone to relieve some tension faded into an even bigger worry that something bad had happened to them.

But finally, they heard their footsteps as they approached their settlement. They had a bag full of gold and Nora was grinning ear to ear, her eyes wild with excitement. She explained that she and Miles had done a couple of favors for the Plains Militia and that they had been vastly rewarded for it. After reassuring Charlie that she wouldn’t have condemned anything he and Nora had done, Miles suggested that they take rooms in Bloomfield and rest for a few days. This was met with very little protest as they had more than 700 miles to walk before they reached their destination.

The first night they stayed in the warm and dry inn and slept in comfortable and clean beds, Charlie slept 14 hours straight. She woke around noon the next day and noticed immediately that Danny wasn’t in the room. She washed up and got dressed quickly. She first knocked on her mother and Nora’s door to see if anyone was there but when she didn’t get any answer, she moved onto Aaron and Miles’ room. She knocked softly, expecting Aaron to still be sleeping. He wasn’t used to physical activity when they were living in their village so she had been surprised when he had held up for so long. The voice greeting her, however, hadn’t been Aaron, but Miles.

She hesitated before opening the door – they hadn’t been alone together since the lake and had barely spoken to each other in days. She expected Miles wouldn’t be comfortable with her coming into his room – he probably didn’t expect her at the other side of the door – which he confirmed by asking “Nora?” in a rough, sleep-induced voice. Hearing him say Nora’s name made her want to confront him and she opened the door. He sat up when she entered. He was naked with a sheet barely covering his groin. She tried really hard not to blush but didn’t think she was too successful. Miles fumbled a bit, trying to cover his lower body a little better.

Charlie focused on his face and asked, “Where is everybody?”

Miles frowned. “They’re all gone? What time is it?” He looked around the room for a clock.

“12:20. They might have gone to get some food. Have you been sleeping all this time as well?” Of course Miles had been as tired as she had been, if not more. He was always trying to be so strong – it sometimes made her forget that he had the same issues as them all. Exhaustion was one of them.

Miles’ face lit up. “You’ve been sleeping then?” Charlie nodded and Miles’ eyes brightened. “You slept well? Do you feel better?” His concern brought a warm feeling all over her body.

She sat next to him on the bed and smiled. “Much better. I had forgotten what it felt like to sleep in a warm bed.”

He smiled back, which made her smile even wider. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him smile, if ever. His eyes were locked on hers and Charlie felt like how things used to be between them – before they had found her mother. She then realized how close she was to him, that if she moved just a little, she could kiss him.

As soon as the thought entered her head, she leaned in carefully and watched as Miles’ gaze dropped to her lips and he moved forward to meet her. But before their lips could touch, he leaned back and said, “No, Charlie.”

She blinked in surprise and moved back as his face once again closed off. “Why?”

“I’m you uncle, Charlie.” He pointed out, his voice rough and strained.

Charlie shook her head. She didn’t see him that way – hadn’t since the day they met. He hadn’t raised her; he hadn’t even been around her entire life. He didn’ feel ike an uncle. “But it doesn’t matter. We didn’t know each other until a few months ago. We’re not even blood-related.”

Miles seemed taken aback. “You know?”

“Yes!” Charlie exclaimed. “Dad told Danny and m years ago.”

“I’m still officially your uncle,” Miles insisted. “Charlie, I’m the first man you’ve had around you who hasn’t watched you grow up. It’s hardly surprising that you’ve developed certain…” he hesitated to find the right word, “feelings.” He sounded patronizing and she held back the urge to slap him.

Charlie shrugged, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. “And you feel nothing?” she spat back.

Miles sighed, visibly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Not nothing, but not the way you want me to. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I’ve taken it out on you in a moment of weakness. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry, Charlie.” He looked at her and did seem really sorry. She could barely breathe. She had only been a (inappropriate – according to him) distraction. He didn’t feel the same way. She had thought so for a long time but the way he had acted the last month or so had made her believe that her feelings might be reciprocated.

She blushed in shame and looked down at her hands clutching the bed sheet. She suddenly became aware again of his nakedness and, embarrassed, she got up and fled out of the room. She faintly heard Miles calling after her, but she didn’t want to continue this very humiliating conversation. She had always known that her feelings for Miles were inappropriate but she hadn’t thought of acting on them until she had (wrongly) thought that he felt the same. She had realized that the feelings had begun because she didn’t look at him as a family member. The way she felt toward her dad, Danny, her mother, Maggie and even Aaron was nothing like the way she felt about Miles. And with the way the world was, did some ancient taboo really matter?

Apparently, it did.

. . .

Miles didn’t have to worry about Charlie acting like a lovesick teenager. Instead, she talked to her mother about the pendants and their technology. She wanted to learn as much as possible. She wanted to be useful and less bloody in this war. Concentrating on the pendants distracted her from the pain of Miles giving her the cold shoulder. She hadn’t realized how close they had really become until his friendship was taken away. Miles used to talk to her about strategy, about how he felt (well, as much as Miles could share his feelings). Now, he turned to Nora, or no one at all.

The only time she and Miles were ever alone was when they went hunting together. Sometimes, Nora or Danny accompanied them but Miles and Charlie were generally more skilled hunters and it was best to keep Nora and Danny as protection with the other two. When they went hunting, their conversation was generally silent and when they spoke it was limited to the task at hand.

One day when they were hunting in a forest in Iowa, not too far from Des Moines, Miles handed her a thick leather bracelet. She frowned, not understanding why he was giving this to her. When she took it, he gently grabbed her wrist. Pulling her sleeve up, he revealed her scar. He lightly traced the lines. Her eyes were on him, trying to decipher his facial expression. His eyes were downcast, so it was difficult to tell, but he seemed sad. His face when he first saw the scar months before flashed in her mind’s eye. The guilt had been so evident despite that the scar hadn’t in a way been his fault. The day her mother had fought with Miles about her – the day that triggered the awkwardness between them – was the day her mother had seen the scar.

“To cover your scar,” he explained.

“You know, this scar reminds me of you.”

Miles visibly recoiled at her statement so she tried to explain: “It reminds me of everything we’ve been through together and how you’ve been by my side the whole time. I would have never gotten Danny back without you. This will always remind me of it.”

“You know, the ‘M’ also stands for Matheson,” Miles said softly, barely above a whisper.

Charlie looked up, smiling. This revelation got rid of almost all negative connotations she could have had about this scar. It changed everything. “Really?”

“Yeah. Don’t really like to advertise it though,” he smirked and Charlie smiled, looking at her scar. Nothing may ever happen between them but she’ll always carry him with her, no matter what.

. . .

The End.