Evie Miller

musebysentence | 43.7 Crash

2010-01-01T03:32:09Z

Hey, if I'm going to bring in the New Year with my husband and celebrate a special little anniversary, then damn straight I'm wearing him out until we both crash.

About time I had one...

2009-10-02T05:50:14Z

For muse_shuffle | April Disc Two

2009-05-27T07:32:10Z

14. I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
[‘The Luckiest’ – Ben Folds]

Co-written with pullmysteth | Before THIS

They were home from Scotland, the mood around the house was pretty sombre. It was tough to come away from a place everyone loved so much, but it was bittersweet. They knew they could always go back, and would always go back. Lachlan was hardly speaking to anyone by the time the plane touched down in Jersey. It was going to take a few days for him to get back on his feet. He never did will saying goodbye to his family and even as they were getting into a cab at the airport, the Scot seemed close to tears every time someone spoke to him.

But it was time to get back to normal. At least, as normal as possible. A lot had changed, and even more changes were on the horizon. Riley found Evie getting a head-start on their unpacking in the bedroom, even though they had only been home a few hours. She was fussing around making neat piles on the bed, much to Riley's amusement. The jet-lag was going to have to set in sooner or later... he hoped. He was going to need that bed when he passed out cold in a little while himself. He came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. A small kiss was pressed to her cheek and then he held up a small box in her line of sight.

A pregnancy test.

Evie paused in the act of folding one of Riley's t-shirts, her breath catching in her throat. Truth was, she was almost dreading this moment. The excitement that had been building, and her faith in the success of the IVF had slowly been waning during the trip to Scotland. She wasn't throwing up, she wasn't even sure if her breasts were tender because she was pregnant, or if her bras were just bad. Or maybe it was too much foreplay. Wasn't like she'd let Riley rest very much when he wasn't passed out.

She turned her head a little to glance at him from the corner of her eye as she dropped the t-shirt and took the kit out of his hand. "I'm scared, sexy," she said quietly.

Riley nodded. "I know, sweetheart," he agreed softly. "Which is why we're going the standard supermarket route than hauling arse to the IVF clinic for the invasive test first up. We're home, it's your bathroom, you don't even have to put a bra on. We should at least get to do some part of this normally." His arm stayed securely around her waist and he rubbed her stomach gently. "And if it's not... well, there's no rush to New York, is there?"

Evie shook her head, and leaned back against Riley as she rubbed her thumb against the cardboard packaging. "No, no rush... Shit, I can't believe it's time. Before we were talking about how long it was going to take before we could do this, and now we're doing it. Are you going to come watch me pee, or just wait here?"

Riley took the box off her again and opened it up, removing the test and pressing it against her palm. "How about you do it quickly, then give me a shout and I'll come in and wait with you?" he suggested. "But if you freak out before that, I'll come in and hold your hand."

Evie twisted in his hold as her fingers closed around the stick and she held onto it tightly as she hugged him. "Good thing I was drinking nothing but tea this morning, huh? You English and your tea. I swear to god I'm slowly losing my love for coffee... It's a sad, sad day." She kissed Riley's lips softly before she retreated to the toilet. She could do the quick pee thing. She could do it, and not freak out. This was something she wanted. Something they both wanted. It was the moment of truth, and Evie was in danger of wetting herself regardless.

She ran into the ensuite, and pushed down her pajama pants. She was shaking, but she could do this. She had to do this. "Can you please not leave it so quiet?" Evie called out, the sudden silence in the bathroom driving her crazy.

Riley was left standing at the end of the bed and blinked, sticking his tongue out the corner of his mouth. "Uh," he said, at a loss of what he was supposed to do. He scratched his head and then started singing YMCA at the top of his lungs, not really bothered if Luke and Tab would hear him down the stairs. He blamed Pat for that being the first song to jump into his head.

In the bathroom, Evie dropped her head into her hand and started to laugh. Riley's singing--however bad--was something that helped relax her, and she managed to pee on the stick without any trouble. He was still singing as she lay the test on the side of the sink and washed her hands. Evie flushed the toilet, and appeared in the doorway as she smiled. "You could have just turned the stereo on, but thank you," she laughed. "This is why I married you."

Riley looked at her sheepishly. "I didn't think of that," he admitted, pulling his lips to the side. "And this is an argument for my idea to put a plasma in the en suite," he added with a cheeky grin, moving over to her and reaching to take her hands.

Evie pulled his arms around her and kept him close as she laughed again. "Exactly when would you watch the plasma, and where are we going to put it?" she asked. Evie looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "You can't put it in the shower, they're not waterproof."

Riley edged them into the bathroom and then pointed. "I was thinking above the end of the bath where that shelf is. Then you can see it from the toilet and the shower, if you lean out the door. Also, if you stand off the edge of the sink and lean a bit to the right, you can watch it via the mirror when you're brushing your teeth," he explained with an accomplished grin.

"You really have been planning this, haven't you?" Evie asked with a smirk. The grin on his face was too cute. She tilted her head as she considered the spot above the shelf. "How are we going to make sure that it stays on the wall, and doesn't fall off and electrocute us?"

Riley waved his hand. "I'll get some bloke to mount it securely. I saw it in a home book thingy. Which I meant to say too, we should repaint the kitchen. Maybe get some new appliances. I'm getting annoyed with that nudging thing you have to do to the dishwasher before it clicks on." His eyes flicked briefly to the test sitting on the side of the sink and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Clearly he was going to try and deal with this by rambling.

Evie moved him so he was sitting on the closed toilet lid and climbed onto his lap. She rest her head against his and stroked his cheek. She was choosing to deal with it by keeping as close to Riley as possible. "We can do that. I think it might be handy having a TV in here, don't you? I don't think there's anything wrong with the idea. I mean, I know it's probably a guy thing, but I think I'll like it, too. Help me when I shave my legs."

Riley nodded as if he understood the whole technicalities of shaving legs... which he didn't. "And, you know, if one of us isn't feeling well and we have to camp out in here, we can watch The Simpsons," he added, holding a hand up. "We could always repaint in here, too. If we have some time and all..." Under her, his leg started bouncing anxiously and he was chewing on his lip. His stomach was flipping nervously. He was usually a really patient person, too.

Evie wrapped her leg around Riley's to try and stop him bouncing it. "I feel like we've just finished painting this place, but okay. We can do any repainting you want. It'd be nice watching The Simpsons when we're sick." She turned her head a little to take a peek at the stick. It was meant to be a couple of minutes, right? She touched her fingers to her stomach and looked down at it.

Riley drew in a deep breath and let it out with a rush. "Can we look? How long has it been? How long was it supposed to be? What does it do?" he asked, his leg bouncing all over again. "You're the one who is supposed to be feeling sick right? Because I think I'm going out in sympathy here," he admitted with a nervous laugh.

Evie took his face between his hands, and smiled at him. "Just between you and me, if you're the one getting the morning sickness and not me, I won't complain. I haven't really been feeling sick, though. I've just been wondering if my breasts are tender for reasons other than over-stimulation, and bad bras. There's also the fact that I have never paid as much attention to unpacking suitcases as I have on this trip..." Evie shrugged, and she reached over to pick up the test, careful to cover the window with her hand so the surprise wasn't spoiled. "Two lines for positive, one line for negative. You sure you want to look?"

Riley shook his head. "No," he told her. "I'm not sure." His voice was shaky and uncertain and he was sure if he kept biting his lip the way he was, he would bite it off.

"So we're not going to look?" Evie asked, watching him. She wished she could make his nerves better, but she was having enough trouble controlling her own. Her stomach was starting to tie itself in knots, and she felt like she was going to be sick.

Riley nodded and then shook his head. He wasn't feeling much better. It had to be jet-lag and bad airline food. "You look," he told her, his hand curling around hers.

Evie nodded, and turned enough to hide the stick from Riley as she held onto his hand. She sucked in a breath as she saw the two blue lines, her eyes going wide. She was pregnant. According to this test, she was actually pregnant. The IVF had worked, and she was carrying Riley's baby. "Holy shit... holy fucking shit." She looked at Riley before her stomach felt like it was trying to push it's way up through her throat and she jumped off his lap. "Get off the toilet, I'm going to be sick!"

Riley was still in shock and automatically reacted by somehow toppling off the toilet and banging his head on the toilet roll holder. What did this mean?! He moaned, clutching at his head as he tried to drag himself back into a sitting position. "What... what?!" was all he could get out, feeling dampness against his finger. "Oh fuck me!" It was like the room had exploded in chaos and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to absorb first. And he still didn't know the result!

Evie flipped up the lid, her need to check on Riley becoming second to the need to throw up. She stuck her hand out with the test in Riley's direction, a load groan her only answer. It was like the morning sickness had been holding out until she saw the results, and now that it was real, the morning sickness was making up for lost time.

Riley never expected anything in their life to go off without some sort of explosion. He had blood trickling down his temple as he made a blind grab for the held out test. The puking could really be for either reason, he rationalised. He held it close to his face to see the tiny screen and then blinked. "Is there two lines here or am I just seeing double?" he asked, holding it even closer and causing him to go cross-eyed.

"Two... lines..." Evie gasped before she was groaning again, and holding the edge of the toilet. "Pregnant."

Riley dropped the stick like it burned him, accompanied by an inelegant shriek of shock. "No, that's... you... we... no..." He shook his head, but it was mistake. No way was Evie pregnant. He had convinced himself so much it would be negative that as far as his brain was concerned, the pregnancy test was just routine. But there was two lines. Two whole lines. "Oh, dizzy..."

Evie pulled back as she managed to stop being sick, and used some toilet paper to wipe at her mouth. She looked at Riley and reached up to flush the toilet before she moved to the cupboard under the sink and got out the box of latex gloves they kept under there. Evie pulled on a pair without a second thought and moved over to take a look at Riley's head. "I'm sorry, sexy. I never meant for you to hurt yourself. I just really needed to puke. Are you okay? Are you seeing double?"

"Oh, that's okay," Riley said with a calmness that seemed to come out of nowhere. Then he started to laugh, and it was like he couldn't stop. He was oblivious to the cut on his head. "I think I need to puke too soon," he decided through the laughter, tears soon trickling down his cheeks when he couldn't stop it. He put his hand over his chest as he broke into a fit of coughs but still more laughing. "Oh shit, we're pregnant!"

Evie was back over by the sink as she got the first aid kit and sat in front of Riley so she could clean him up. The way he was laughing was making her nervous, but she figured it was just shock. "I know... shit. I can't believe it. I have a baby Browne inside me."

"I think I need to lie down." Riley flopped over onto his side before the words were even out of his mouth. He shifted onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and rubbing his fingers against his forehead. "This wasn't... I didn't... I've lost the ability to talk in sentences."

"I can tell," Evie said as she leaned down and continued to clean him up. When she had the bandage in place, she moved on top of him, and rest her head on his chest. "It's real, Riley. We're having a kid. It worked..."

Riley draped his arm around her back. "Why is it every life milestone with us comes with blood, sweat, tears, and puke?" he asked in amusement. "I just... I... wow."

"Just wait until the kid's actually born. There'll be even more blood, sweat, tears, and puke." Evie rubbed her hand against his arm, and sighed. "You still want to be a daddy, right?"

Riley nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm... just really scared all of a sudden," he admitted. "I made a mistake. I didn't let myself believe it was going to happen. Didn't really prepare. I think I'm maybe a third of the way into a freak out."

"You're allowed to freak out," Evie said quietly. "I mean, I was hoping I was pregnant, but now I am, and I can't believe it." Evie touched a finger to her lips, and was quiet for a moment. "Are we even supposed to tell people? Isn't there a rule? Like... five weeks, or something."

Riley shook his head and held his hand up. "Maybe?" he said, his voice a little higher than usual. "Probably. If there is, I can't do it. I suck at lying. Especially about big things. I start talking with the last syllables of my sentences going up an octave, and I get a funny rash around my throat. Gives me away every time, especially to people who know me." He was rubbing his forehead again, still trying to wrap his head around it.

Evie got up a little and moved up his body so she could look at his face. "So we tell them... but try to make sure no one gets too excited? We kind of have to make sure we stay pregnant, don't we? I don't know... I've never done this before. We'll be okay, won't we? We can do this... Are you okay? How's the freaking out? I think I'm going to freak out."

"I just... um... I don't know. Maybe you should take some leave? Just the first couple of months, or something? I mean, money's not really an issue. Just take it easy..." Riley let out a sharp breath, still staring at the ceiling and feeling his heart start to beat a mile a minute. "I think maybe it's my turn to throw up. We should install a second toilet with the plasma, maybe?"

Evie rolled off him to give him room to throw up if he needed to. She pushed her fingers through her blonde hair and nodded. "Time off might be a good idea. I mean, shit... I'm pregnant. We're pregnant. We're going to be parents. This is huge. This is so fucking huge. A second toilet is probably going to be a great idea."

"Oh god, it actually worked. My sperm is in there!" Riley scrambled up over to the toilet, making it just in time to lose the bad airline food. It didn't last too long, and he let out a groan of annoyance before wiping his mouth and flushing the toilet. He rested back on his knees, holding his stomach which was turning over with a mixture of nerves and worry. "It has to be alright in there, right?" he finally asked, looking at her helplessly.

Evie smiled, her own arms wrapped around her stomach. "Yeah, it'll be alright. I'll keep it safe."

Words: | All muses referenced with permission and come from the princeton2nyc universe

From MY HUSBAND

2009-05-05T11:22:57Z

You Are the Bedroom

You are an indulgent person. You enjoy rest, relaxation, and pampering.

You know how to find peace in a crazy life. You are good at unplugging.

You tend to be very private. You don't let just anyone in.

You are also a romantic. When you have someone, you tend to be very couple oriented.

What Room of the House Are You?

And no, I'm not going to ever get sick of referring to him as MY HUSBAND. Feel free to only refer to me as Mrs Browne, too.

For musebyquotes | 2.19. Pare and Steinmetz quote

2009-05-03T00:24:19Z

2.19. "Dude, marriage is the 'get out of loneliness free' card in the Monopoly game of life."
- Veronica Pare and Ferrett Steinmetz

Co-written with pullmysteth

Once Riley was done cleaning himself up, Evie stretched her body languidly before she draped herself over her husband. They were both naked under the sheets of their bed; wedding clothes strewn around the room. Her dress had made her feel amazing, but she had to admit there was something to be said for no clothing at all. She kissed Riley deeply, and willed herself to just relax. They had their whole lives together. They didn't need to have a few decades of sex in one night, even if they were already up to tumble number three.

Evie licked her lips and smiled at him. "Mm... we should get married more often. Right up there with nipple pericing appreciation sex. I love being Mrs Evie Browne. And I'm glad that stuff with your sister and Luke turned out."

"And I have it on good knowledge that sex after marriage apparently doesn't die out or lose it's passion," Riley laughed, draping his arm up behind his head to stretch out. His muscles were tired and aching, but in a good way. It had been a long day, with lots of celebration and dancing. They would probably spend the whole next day sleeping, but they didn't have to check out of the guest house until late the following afternoon, so it was all good. He yawned and then relaxed against her. "What a fucking day," he added in awe.

"That's very good to know. Now all we have to do is find out if the same happens with a baby. Just so we're prepared," Evie said with a small smile. They hadn't really talked about the process, but Evie was still trying to keep an open mind. It would be a couple weeks yet before they even knew anything. "Is Luke alright? Is Tab?"

Riley pointed up into the air. "The baby doesn't seem to affect it either. I caught Lachlan and Tara going at it outside at the reception. There was no passion lost there. Not a single piece of it," he said with a groan at the memory. "I think they're both alright now. Earlier, I wasn't so sure. Luke was... he totally flipped out. You wouldn't believe it. I might have forcefully convinced him to pull his head in," he added sheepishly.

"Caught, or stood there and watched?" Evie asked, highly amused at the idea. Then she sat up a little as she looked down at Riley, blue eyes flashing with a renewed lust. "Forcefully convinced him how? Did you growl? I love it when you get protective. You're so sexy..."

"I didn't stand there and watch! Lachlan might've hit me. Actually, he probably wouldn't. Neither seemed overly bothered they had been caught, just that they didn't want me to interrupt their finale. I was jealous, though. And I know they're my friends, but it was hot. He was just doing his Best Man job, though. Banging one of the Bridesmaids." Riley looked at her with a smirk. "I can't even remember. I know I threatened to shove the disco ball up his arse and probably ruined his shirt. And I yelled a lot."

"Jealous? We've stolen their celebratory moments with our own public sex exploits. Although, they were really hot. I can imagine Tara and Lachlan being just as hot... Plus he had the kilt thing happening. I think you should wear kilts." She nodded slowly as she wet her lips, and got lost in thoughts of Riley wearing kilts. "Oooh, stop it! You're turning me on," Evie laughed as she dipped her head to kiss him. "Tab's lucky she has you. I'm even luckier."

"I wore one to my graduation and a couple of times over there to New Years. Oh, and Lachlan wants us all in kilts for the christening," Riley revealed with a laugh. He waved his hand. "You'll have to wait. I couldn't possibly go again, even if I wanted to. Hopefully the fertilisation thing worked with the IVF because I'm going to have nothing left in me for another shot. Tab and Luke will be okay. I think they've just got a lot to learn together. I get the poor bastard. It was quick and it was quick because Tab and I wanted to get married together, but he'll be okay once he calms down after it all. It's just the Aussie in him. He's laid back usually."

"Well, Tab will be getting a lot of Aussie in her tonight," Evie said with a grin. She lay her head back down and rest it on his chest. "It's alright, I'm not going to ask you to run yourself dry. We'll let you get your energy back for the christening so that I can ravage you in a kilt. I think you'd have the legs for kilts. And I know what you mean. It didn't really feel quick for me, but I can imagine it being quick for them. I'm still happy you both got to have the twin wedding. Your sister looked beautiful."

Riley was mid-yawn when he replied. "You both looked gorgeous," he corrected, stretching again before rolling onto his side. "Everything went perfectly. We probably couldn't have expected the whole day to go smoothly, I just never expected Luke to be the one to shake things up. My money was on a screaming match between Pat and Cameron. I have never seen those two avoid each other before, it was weird." He slung his leg over hers and smiled. "But at least we have a cool wedding story now. Uncle Luke nearly ran away."

"Do you think Pat and Cameron will work things out?" Evie brushed his curls back from his face and smiled back. "Yeah, we do have a cool wedding story. 'Uncle Luke'? Does this mean you're getting ready to tell it to our child? Do you think... I know we're not supposed to get our hopes up, but do you think this will work?"

Riley let out a breath and shrugged. "I think they will, but I don't know how. Cam's really hurt, but at the same time, Pat really did need to do this the way it happened. He deserves to be happy and I think he's really upset Cam can't understand that. The hard part is, none of us can help, either, because when you fight with your twin, there is no one else involved. You have to figure it out yourselves." He looked at her quietly. "I don't have a very good feeling about it, but I think it's just because I'm so worried about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, but thinking about the future is hard to avoid."

"Plus it's got to be hard now Cameron's gone back to England. They might be less inclined to pick up the phone... That's just sad. Have you and Tab ever been this bad?" she asked quietly as she watched him. There'd been little fights since she'd known them both, but it was more just the twins giving each other shit. She couldn't actually see Riley and Tab having a fight like this. "I know what you mean... I've just been trying to ignore thinking about it as best I can. Focus on the other stuff, and hope that it's like not watching a kettle boil. It'll happen if we don't focus on it."

Riley bit on his lip. "We've been close, I think. Her ex wasn't my favourite person in the world, so it created tensions. Then we had a falling out when I told her I was moving to Scotland. It took weeks for us to speak to each other again because we can both be stubborn shits when we want to be. See, going back to the twin thing, when you hurt each other, it's about a hundred times worse than normal hurt. Like stabbing yourself in the eyeball. You can't get away from the pain because they're part of you."

He curled around her and rest his head on her shoulder. "I'm worried we're going to get there and they'll tell us all the viable embyros are infected. They test them before they put them into you. I think of all these far out scenarios, most of which aren't probably even medically viable. The wedding was actually a nice distraction."

Evie wrapped her arms around him and pushed her fingers up into his hair as she played with it, trying to soothe his mind. "I'm not going to give birth to a mutant. Okay, I might. I was talking a little to Chase's wife, and there's a possibility we may well give birth to a kid with laser beams... Anyway, if the embryos are infected, we'll deal with it. I won't ever blame you for any of this. You know that, right?"

Riley raised his eyebrows at the laser beam comment. "I don't want my kid to have laser beams. We're going to have a nice, innocent baby that is hopefully not influenced in any way, shape, or form by Lachlan Campbell." He shook his head. "That's the thing. They won't implant them if they are infected. I can only hope the meds have blocked something. All those fancy sperm washing statistics seemed positive - pardon the pun - but none were one hundred percent. And I know... I'll probably blame myself. But we'll deal with it. We can get through anything, right?"

"Yes, we can. We're pretty fucking strong, sexy. You and me have got through so much already. I don't think there's anything we can't deal with." Evie leaned in to kiss him softly. "Knock on wood," she said quietly. "Let's just enjoy being married for the moment... husband."

Words: 1,621 | All muses referred to with permission from the princeton2nyc verse

For just_fck_me | 11.2 Unexpected turn-ons

2009-04-28T04:59:09Z

11.2. What's one thing that turned you on that you never expected to?

[Co-written with pullmysteth

The bachelor party was over, meaning the next step was the wedding. It had mostly been a success, even if 'mostly' was stretching it. First, there had been the Pat and Cameron explosion that no one but Pat knew about. He wouldn't even tell Aiden, though Aiden obviously knew something bad had happened if Cameron hadn't even come to the party and Pat looked like he had been crying when he returned. Lachlan picked up on something off, too, but Pat wasn't going to talk about it and proceeded to just get extremely drunk and ended up dancing half naked on the bar to 'Dancing Queen'.

Then there was Luke, who was acting strangely from the get go. He, too, got royally pissed but instead of dancing on the bar, spent a good portion of the night receiving lap dances from the female strippers. Andrew, his ever-loyal Best Man, spent the night trying to convince Luke to go easy on the hard booze, and in turn spent the night being mostly ignored. Dancing for him was out because he had a broken leg and the last thing he wanted was any floozy (let alone four at once) waving her arse in his face when he had a hot FBI Agent waiting at home for him ready to wave anything he wanted in his face.

Riley challenged Lachlan to a Karaoke sing off, which meant that Riley would throw any song at Lachlan and he had to sing it, no matter what. Lachlan hadn't missed a single one and Riley did distinctly remember the Scot's rendition of the Alien Ant Farm version of 'Smooth Criminal' at one point, perhaps with a chaser of Kylie Minogue's 'I Should Be So Lucky'. Said Scot also lived well up to his Best Man duties because Riley woke that morning lying under a table at the bar dressed like Braveheart, face half painted with blue paint, in a kilt, with his nether regions and one leg shaved. Thankfully he still had both his eyebrows. Luke was unconscious on the other side of the bar dressed like Crocodile Dundee, but also in a kilt with a moustache and uno-brow drawn on his face with Magic Marker. It should've been funny, but Riley had been far too hungover to actually laugh without vomiting at that point.

Aiden had been the designated driver and drove Riley, Luke and Pat back to Princeton. It hadn't been a pretty trip, to say the least. Luke was still unconscious and they just dragged him into the car to at least get him home. Hopefully Tab wouldn't be too pissed off. Tara was the second DD, and she arrived in the morning to pick up Lachlan, Andrew, and Josh. Having the luxury of not being drunk, she proceeded to laugh her arse off at the bachelor party aftermath.

Riley now just watched groggily as Aiden dragged Luke inside and dumped him on the sofa. Luke was still out of it and oblivious. The bar had been left in the capable hands of his New York manager, even if Luke might be pissed with that outcome when he finally woke. He swayed a little, still feeling the mix of booze and hangover running through him, but he giggle-snorted at Luke's face and nearly threw up from the effort of it. He slapped a hand over his mouth and held himself up on the door jamb, fighting not to slide down it and pass out. The blue face paint left a smear on the clean wall and he grunted at Aiden when he said his goodbyes and went take Pat home. Riley just stayed still, trying to focus on Luke's prone form on the sofa. This was only when he realised that he must've lost his glasses somewhere along the way because Luke looked more like a large hazy blob than anything else. "Hnh, fuck..."

Evie had come out of her room at the sounds of Aiden dragging in the grooms. She wasn't sure if she'd be walking in on two bodies, or not. She was relieved to see Riley was at least grunting and standing, and slipped her arm around him, giving him a small smile. "Bed or bathroom, sexy?"

Riley squinted, trying to see Evie, but as she got closer, he actually managed to focus on her. "I have no pubic hair. My dick is bald. So are my nuts," he told her and then, as if drawing the attention to it suddenly made it unbearably itchy, started to scratch furiously under his lopsided sporran. "Why do chicks choose to shave there? It's horrible."

"I don't get Brazillians, sweetheart. Apparently you do... Does it make it look bigger?" Evie asked curiously as she reached down to touch the edge of his kilt like she wanted to lift it up. "My poor, poor almost husband. Should I kiss it all better?"

"I don't know! I don't even know where it went!" Riley saved her the job and promptly lifted his kilt, leaning forward to try and survey the damage. But he lost his balance and only managed to stop folding to the floor by grabbing at Evie's waist and nearly dragging her down with him. "I have my eyebrows, right? One leg is bald too and Aiden told me I have extremely interesting things written on my butt in permanent marker."

Evie started to laugh softly as she wrapped her arms around him again and tried to lift him up while not stumbling over. "Really? Well... looks like it's going to be very interesting getting you undressed. Should we take a shower, or have a bath? Get you refreshed. I don't mind paying lots of attention to your ass."

Riley gave an overemphasising nod because his brain was making him think very little was actually working. "Yes," he said unhelpfully. "I think it was Lachlan," he decided, hushing his voice furtively. "And whatever he says about the strippers, I didn't do it," he told her, figuring he should probably get in before his Best Man could get to his fiancee. There was a high chance Lachlan purposefully stayed sober the night before just to carry out his devious plans.

"Strippers, hm? Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. And I know better than to take everything Lachlan says as truth." Evie guided Riley towards the bathroom slowly, and hoped that he would make up his mind when they were there. Although at this stage she was thinking a bath was better. It wouldn't require standing up. "What about Luke? Did he do it?"

"Luke..." Riley had to frown, trying to recall an answer to the question. "I think... maybe yes... only, I don't know what it is. And I know that there was nurse stripper somewhere. No, that was Pat... I think." He rubbed his forehead. "I think I'm a bit drunk still. I remember Lachlan daring me to kiss Josh!" he said, as if that was something to be proud of. "I don't know what happened to my jocks."

"I think they went as soon as the kilt came on. And you kissed Josh? I bet he really enjoyed that," Evie laughed as she got him to lean against the bathroom wall while she started the bath. She came back over to him and started to undress him. "You're actually pretty hot when your still drunk and squinting."

Riley was scratching at his groin again, his nose scrunched up in concentration. "I think my glasses are with my jocks. Only, I thought I had my contacts last night." He brushed his palm over his head to make sure his head hadn't been shaved and then sighed in relief. "I asked about my eyebrows, right? They're both there? Nothing's pierced, is it?" That's when he touched his ears to make sure they were in tact too. Not that Lachlan Campbell would settle for piercing ears if he had intentions to get Riley pierced anywhere. Which is why it shouldn't have come as a shock when he looked down and realised he now had one nipple pierced. "O-Oh- fuck!" he shrieked.

Evie took Riley's face between her hands and kissed him to stop his shrieking. The nipple piercing was a shock, but... it was also hot. Really, really hot. "You have both eyebrows, sexy. And a very interesting piercing that I think has me thinking about our wedding night. Please tell me we get to break the dry spell for that..."

"Dry spell can technically be over. I already did the cup thing. The only thing is, we won't know if it worked til after the wedding and oh my fucking god, the fucker pierced my nipple," Riley cried, throwing his hand up and waving it about. "I feel lopsided! Do I look lopsided? I don't even know if it hurts!"

"You don't look lopsided," Evie laughed. "And thank fuck for that dry spell..." She dipped her head as she inspected the piercing again, checking to see if it was infected before she circled her tongue around his nipple. "Does that hurt?"

Riley dropped his head back against the wall with a small hiss. "No!" he squeaked. "Do that again."

Evie looked up at his face as she repeated the action, and curled her tongue around the piercing and gave it a little tug. "And that?"

Riley pressed his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut. "Mm-mm," he said with a shake of his head. This had to be a hungover fantasy or something. He wasn't supposed to be this horny, or that hard. He was still drunk and Lachlan had zapped some horny Evie images into his brain to tease him and he would wake up in a minute with no eyebrows and chained to a pole, naked in a street. If he just kept his eyes closed, it would stay a fantasy, right?

Evie pressed her mouth against Riley's shoulder and bit into it gently as her hand slid lower and her fingernails skated over his erection teasingly. "Tell me what you want, Riley. Would you like me to touch you? Go down on my knees for you?"

Hell, yeah. That's exactly what most of his fantasies were like. He had to reach behind his head to grip the edge of the door to remain upright. "Yeah, that..." he breathed out. No way was having a pierced nipple supposed to feel this fucking hot. Which is why it was a fantasy. Not that he was complaining in the slightest. This was one of those times he got worried he would lose control, but he didn't actually wear protection in his fantasies. It would be cool. No wait. Was it really a fantasy? He opened his eyes just a little and looked down hungrily at her. Who cared if it was a fantasy or not? He was painfully hard and whatever she wanted to do was perfectly fine with him!

Evie moved to the side, her hand still on him as she reached across to get into the medicine cabinet where they kept the condoms. The bath was still running, and as much as Evie regretted it, she had to abandon Riley for just a moment so she could turn the water off. She wasn't planning on rushing this. She'd lick Riley clean if she had to. Screw the bath. She had the foil packet open as she moved back to him, and distracted him from her rolling the condom on by closing her mouth over his pierced nipple again. She'd always thought Riley was gorgeous, but the piercing just somehow managed to make him even sexier in her eyes. Or maybe it was the fact they were getting closer to getting married. Evie kept her eyes on his face as she sank down on her knees and braced her hands on his hips and she wet her lips before drawing his cock into her mouth. She was used to the condoms now, and she didn't mind one bit. Evie still loved giving him a blowjob.

"Oh- god-" Riley bit out and accidentally banged his head back against the wall. Which kind of hurt a little. Fantasies weren't supposed to hurt, were they? Nor did they tend to give a shit about where the condoms were in the bathroom. By now, he was beyond caring, though. He gripped the wall and threaded the fingers of his other hand through Evie's blonde hair, encouraging her actions wholeheartedly. His hips rocked forward reflexively and he groaned hoarsely as the arousal bolted through every inch of him. "God, yes..." he hissed, images of her mouth wrapped around his cock and his nipple ring sweeping through his mind and almost causing him to come on demand. Almost. A sweat broke out over his skin and if he wasn't clutching the wall, he probably would have melted into a pool of horny mush at her feet by now.

Evie worked her mouth and tongue around him, moaning low in the back of her throat as she watched him become more and more aroused. That was the thing with Riley. His arousal had always driven hers. She was barely thinking about herself as she drew him closer and closer to the edge. Her hand slid up the inside of his thigh, and she scraped her nails over the flesh before she cupped his balls and massaged them as she relaxed her throat and took him a little deeper.

Riley was really still too intoxicated to actually contemplate his stamina at that point. With teetering on the edge of total hangover, too, there was no way he was going to be able to hold off with Evie's lips wrapped around his cock, her hands on his balls, and still the notion of the nipple ring thrumming through his mind. Why the fuck was that turning him on so much?! Never in his life had he considered piercing anything. Lachlan had always threatened he would trick him into it one day, but Riley had just thought he was joking. It really shouldn't feel this erotic, let alone the fact Evie was clearly turned on by it. He growled deeply in his throat and fought not to automatically grip Evie's hair as the warnings of orgasm started to shoot through him. He exhaled roughly through a moan and pushed forward as he exploded with such force, his legs nearly gave out and he saw stars behind his closed eyes.

Evie pressed her hands against his hips to keep Riley on his feet as best she could, waiting until the orgasm passed before she let him slip from her mouth with a soft pop. She kissed a spot just on the inside of his leg before she got to her feet and caught his mouth in a heated kiss. She didn't care about stamina either, just glad she could do this for him. Then she couldn't resist dropping her head and circling her tongue around his nipple ring again as her hands rubbed his sides tenderly. She lifted her head, her already plump lips swollen and a deep red. "You're so fucking sexy right now, Dr Browne."

Riley was still panting heavily. He wet his lips, green eyes looking over her hungrily. That piercing was going to be the death of him... if he kept it. He lifted her up and expertly switched their positions, pressing her against the wall in a searing kiss, his tongue curling against her possessively. He rocked against her, using the kiss to try and fuel even more arousal in him, and hooked his hand under her leg to lift it up, connecting their bodies almost fully. He rubbed against her, not breaking the kiss as he growled again. Underwear really was a pain in the fucking arse. He was entirely supportive of putting in their wedding vows that she should never wear it again. The Scots had the right idea. He tucked his fingers into the elastic of her panties and started to purposefully pull them away from her hips down to her thighs. He wasn't bothered by logistics. He just fucking had to have her, and now.

Evie was already trying to claw off her t-shirt. At least she'd had the sense not to wear a bra while she was home alone. The moment the t-shirt was over her head, she threw it off to the side and wrapped her arms around Riley's neck as she pressed her breasts against his chest. The nipple ring sent shivers through her as she felt it against her skin, and she kissed Riley back hungrily, matching his lust. She'd been wet since she'd seen the piercing, the surprise turning her on more than she'd imagined. She rocked her hips forward, trying to urge him to take her as she moaned.

Riley shoved the underwear down far enough for them to slide off her legs to the floor. He wasn't quite hard enough yet, but he just needed to get inside her and that would rapidly change. He lifted her up, using the wall as a brace and pushed into her, rocking his hips to create more friction to draw the refreshed erection to full capacity. He dipped his head and brushed his lips over the tops of her breasts with a hungry moan. Hot bathroom wall sex. He had to have bachelor parties more often.

She arched her back off the tiled wall as his lips teased her breasts, and knotted her fingers in his hair as her breath started to come out in shallow pants. She really hoped the hot sex wouldn't stop with the vows. Lachlan and Tara seemed to make the commitment thing, everlasting love, and hot sex work. Surely she and Riley could. "Fuck... Riley... yes!" she moaned loudly as she let her head fall back as he drove into her. No way was Riley's hangover affecting his sexual prowess, and Evie was going to take every damn inch of it.

This could well be one of their hottest encounters to date, and that was saying something. Sex had pretty much always been hot between them and they had done it in some pretty interesting places. They were both hot for each other in a heartbeat, so impromptu wall sex or stair sex or table sex wasn't uncommon. But there was something about this. It was like he couldn't get enough of her and he slammed into her over and over again, their moans filling the echoey bathroom. His height afforded him the strength to hold her securely against the wall and sex was something he had never been shy about. On the face of it, Riley was a shy studious sort, but those closest to him knew otherwise. He sucked on her neck just above her collarbone, trailing his tongue along the sweeping line of her neck. He bit down on the sensitive skin and growled hungrily against her ear.

This time it was Evie unsure of just how long she'd be able to hold out. Her skin felt like it was on fire as perspiration broke out across it. Her nails dragged down his arms, then dug into his shoulders as she gripped him tightly. Her heels pressed into the backs of his thighs as she wrapped her legs securely around his waist and moaned with every thrust. Riley was definitely much more wild than he ever let on, and Evie loved that about him. She especially adored the fact that she more than benefited from his little secret. Thoughts about their having a baby crept into her mind, and turned her head to try and catch his lips in a kiss. It would be so easy to fool herself into thinking of this moment as the moment of conception and not when he came in a cup.

Riley kissed her back, though it was hard to concentrate on it, so he just kissed like there was no tomorrow. He was panting heavily against her mouth and felt the start of the weak shaking in his legs from the exertion of fucking against a wall. He didn't miss a beat in his thrusting, desperate to miraculously manage two orgasms running. He would probably want to sleep for a week after this, but that was impossible, considering they were getting married in just two nights. That reminder sent a pulse of excitement through him that targeted his cock and without warning, he moaned heavily, his whole body shuddering with the force of the second orgasm that he rode buried deeply inside his wife-to-be.

Evie held him tightly, her inner muscled clenched as she held him in place and tilted her hips to take him as deep as he'd go. His second orgasm triggered Evie's own climax and her entire body trembled as her cry got lost against his mouth. Soon they'd be getting married, and Evie had never felt so connected to him than she did in this moment. "I love you," she murmured, pressing kisses to his face as she panted and felt her body pulse with aftershocks.

"I love you too," Riley said breathlessly, smiling against her lips and laughing a little. He let her down from the wall slowly, careful she wasn't going to fall over and wet his lips, still trying to regain his breath. He eased out of her, making sure the condom didn't slip off and then discarded it, washing his hands straight away. The aftermath tended to have that unsexy few moments before Riley would let the post-coital afterglow set in. "Do you think the water's cold?" he asked with a smirk.

Evie grinned. "Why, you planning on an underwater show, sexy?"

Riley was waning, and probably still looking like a huge mess after his bachelor party. He eased himself down onto the floor so he didn't fall over but managed a woozy smirk. "Let's save some secrets for the wedding night," he told her and made the mistake of resting his head on the closed toilet lid. Not thirty seconds later, he was snoring, his face still half blue with the kilt in place completing the look. Maybe not quite Scotland Forever, but hopefully their marriage would be.

Words: 3704 | All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

For just_muse_me | 17.1.2 Joshua J. Marine Quote

2009-04-19T05:15:34Z

17.1.2. “Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” - Joshua J. Marine

Co-written with pullmysteth

Evie gently sat the receiver back on the cradle. Not all the phones in the house were cordless, and for some reason Evie was grateful that this particular was taken on an older phone. Like it made it more real if there was a cord attached to the handset. She stood there, eyes staring off into space as a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. No matter how long it had been since their test results had come back, this call seemed to make it even more real. They were going to make a baby! There would be a little Riley, or Evie running around soon. She shook her head in disbelief and laughed as she made her way back into the sitting room as she carried her and Riley's cups of tea.

For once they'd had a day off that had overlapped and they'd spent it all lounging around, and just enjoying each other's company. Tab and Luke had spent the day at their future bar, so they'd had the house to themselves, and made the most of it. She handed Riley his tea and took her place beside him on the sofa, her blue eyes shining as she looked at him. "Guess what?"

Riley hadn't bothered getting fully dressed after their 'making the most of it'. He had just pulled on some track pants and that was the extent of it. It was a warm spring day outside, so it wasn't like he was going to freeze to death. He had gained some weight again since being ill, so he didn't look like a horror anymore if he went without a shirt. He accepted the cup, looking at her curiously. "What? I can't go another round yet. I just need to..." he waved his hand, "replenish," he said with a smirk.

Evie grinned, and slung her leg over his. She was wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of her little boxers. It was the most clothing she'd worn all day. She hadn't bothered with underwear either, and she wasn't complaining one bit. It was nice to just not have to make the effort. "That was the clinic. Hope your right wrist is feeling strong, because you're going to have to come in a cup. It's time to make a baby, sexy."

Riley's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What? Right now? I can't do it right now, there is no way! Not to mention we're not in New York..." he blinked and then bit down on his lip. "Are you sure? That's really soon. It's not even been a week on the injections."

Evie smirked. "No, not right now. Next week, so you've got plenty of time to 'replenish'. According to the fertility experts next week will be the perfect time for me to be impregnated. And they'd know, right? I'm just telling you what they said. Call them back if you want, sweetheart. We need to work out a time anyway. I couldn't really commit since I wasn't sure what hours you were doing."

Riley went to say something but then his nose scrunched up. "That means we can't have sex, you know. From now until then. They recommend abstinence in that brochure to get better results. I'm night next week, whole week in the ICU. I'll have to try and see if I can get a couple of days off." He sucked on the corner of his lip, yet to touch his tea. "Holy shit."

Evie frowned a little. "So we're done for the day? Aren't we allowed just one more session? I mean, our last wasn't our last because we didn't know it would be our last." Her bottom lip stuck out in what was starting to be a pout, but she quickly put a stop to it. They would be making a baby. That had to be their priority now. She took a sip of her tea, and watched him. "I know... I can't believe it. I can, but I can't."

"We're having one go. We should probably try to do it all right. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I have a very bad track record for inconvenient boners when I'm in a drought, much to Tab's amusement. This is..." Riley's nose scrunched up again, showing his restlessness at the notion. Sex had proven to be good stress relief for him recently and at the most stressful time he would probably see in a long time, he had to abstain. "I don't have to be all confident about this, do I? I'm not sure I can be."

Evie rest her head on his shoulder and nursed her mug of tea. She was going to miss the sex, that was for sure. "Hey, we can deal with the boners. We'll just have to find something that will be sure to kill them. Just, you know, not for good since I'll be needing you to get a boner when we have the all clear again. We'll just have to find something else to do." She moved her head to look up at him, and wet her lips. "No, sexy, you don't. I don't have to be either. I thought I could be, but this is pretty fucking scary."

"Are we going to be okay...?" Riley asked her quietly. "You know, if it doesn't work? If something goes wrong? It'll mean we might not ever be able to."

Evie leaned forward to set her tea down on the table before she shifted to face him and crossed her legs under her. "I don't mean this to sound blunt, but I'm not with you for the kids, Riley. Yeah, I want them with you, but having kids is not why I'm marrying you, or why I love you. Even before the HIV thing I wasn't in it for children." She pressed her lips together as she rest her hand on his arm. "It's going to suck if it doesn't work, and we'll probably hurt for a while, but we'll pull through. We'll still have each other."

Riley put his hand up and scratched at the back of his neck. "As stupid as it sounds, I lie awake the nights I can't sleep and wonder what our kid would be like. If they'll be friends with RJ, or if they'll hate each other," he laughed a little, shaking his head slowly. "I wonder what they'll like and hate, if they'll look like you or me. I mean, look at RJ. Spitting image of Lachlan. Or maybe they'll look like Tab?" This made him laugh more in amusement. "Then again, if we have a son, he might turn out like Pat."

Evie laughed softly. "All that's pretty natural. It's not stupid. I more wonder if our kid will have your beautiful eyes, and be a quiet deviant like you. If they'll have your hands, and like the same music as me. It's just strange thinking we're going to have some kid we'll imprint on. I have no idea what they'll look like, but I figure we just need to be patient... We'll drive ourselves crazy otherwise." Evie stroked her thumb against his arm and smiled. "If it's a boy, he should have your unruly locks, and eyes. And that mouth..."

"We're lucky, you know..." Riley murmured, looking down a little. "We at least get a chance. Pat and Aiden... well, they won't ever have a kid together, not biologically." He thought back to the conversation with Pat outside at Lachlan's party. Pat hadn't said specifically what it was, but Riley sensed something. He was still stunned Pat was even married, and with everyone around them in procreation mode, it had to be a thought that would cross Pat's mind sooner or later.

"Yeah, I guess surrogacy really only carries one of their genes... That's got to be tough. How do you decide who'd be the father?" Evie's brow crinkled a little. "Tara feels like shit for what she said to Pat, and she doesn't even know why."

Riley touched her lips with his fingers. "Pat didn't tell me what Tara said," he admitted, even if it was tempting to hear what Evie knew. "I guess he didn't tell me for a reason. He said he needed to talk to Aiden. If you tell me what it was, I'll want to stick my nose in to try and help, which might make things worse. Pat was really upset about something, but regretful he had upset Tara because of it. It was... well, it was surreal. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact Pat was married."

"I've managed to keep my nose out purely because it's not my place to get involved," Evie replied quietly. "It's between him and Tara, and Aiden. If you really don't want to know I'm happy to keep my pretty mouth shut. Or, you know, you can keep it occupied. Abstinence doesn't need to involve kissing. I'm happy for Aiden and Pat, I really am. They make each other happy."

Riley shook his head in the negative. "Kissing leads to non-abstinence. I'm not that savvy in abstinence. All or nothing," he had to decide, as much as it was already frustrating him. "It's the calm before the storm. I just don't know what the storm is. I hope he talks to Aiden and they deal with it together. It's easy not to do that. But that look on his face... I knew it. I've seen it looking back at me in the mirror."

Evie blinked, the kissing and lack of sex forgotten in an instant. "What look?"

"Regret for being a burden," Riley said with a small shrug. "I don't know what Tara said, but it's stirred something up for Pat, something he's not looking forward to talking to Aiden about."

Evie sighed. "You're not a burden. I don't exactly know who you think you're putting the burden on, but it's not me. It's not your sister. Maybe it's the MS?"

Riley shook his head. "Not now. I'm talking in the past, when I was at my worst, when I got the diagnosis. And I just don't know. I couldn't push when he was already upset. He's well now, that's the thing. He's doing really well. He's even thinking about going back to work after the Scotland trip. I just want to help, but I know I can't."

She leaned forward to press a kiss to his shoulder since Riley wouldn't let her kiss his mouth. "I'm sorry you ever had to know what that felt like. I wouldn't ever wish it on anyone. I remember the look on my mother's face. I hope Pat stays well, but I guess there's not guarantees. He's just got to be able to enjoy it while it lasts. Otherwise he'll spend his time being well worrying."

"That's what makes me think the Tara thing brought to the forefront that there are no guarantees he'll stay well. He knows it could literally change any day." Riley chewed on his lip again. "It was about kids, wasn't it? You don't need to tell me what, but I just can't help wondering. I'm not sure what else it could be. I'm just really glad we at least have a chance."

"Me too. I would still like to think that even if it didn't work, we still would," Evie told him with a sad smile. "Kind of got used to having you around."

Riley sighed a little and shifted in his seat. "I can only take each day, love. Anything else, and you know I send myself crazy."

"I know, I just... I don't want another day where it might be the end." Evie shrugged helplessly as she looked at him. "I'm selfish in that respect, okay? Just ignore me."

Riley put his tea down and tucked his hands in between his knees so he couldn't see his wrists. Mostly he forgot about the scar, but it was still there. It always would be. "I'm not going to... if this is about that time... I won't do that again," he promised. "Not now."

Evie twirled a lock of his hair around her finger, before she stroked the side of his face. "Good, but no. This was more relationship end, than that kind of ending."

Riley sighed in relief and nodded. He wouldn't blame anyone close to him fearing he might try that again. It was nice to know they understood it had been a freak, terrified moment of his life where his brain literally just stopped working rationally. "Why would the relationship end?" he asked her, forehead creasing at the question.

Evie remembered that time all too well. She remembered how freaked she'd been, and even more so how scared Riley's sister had been. She definitely didn't want it happening again. "You just asked moments ago if we'd be okay if this one time failed. Sometimes children, born or unborn, or even not conceived can place strain on a relationship and push it to breaking point." Evie let out a slow breath. "I don't think we would ever let that kind of resentment build up, though. We're always able to talk about things."

Riley shook his head. "No, I didn't mean our relationship. I mean us, inside, emotionally. I remember how much it broke Lachlan and Tara when they were told he was infertile, but that was a shock to them. They weren't prepared for it. I won't lie, though. I have worried that if we can't, down the track, you might still want to. We're only young, afterall."

"Oh, sorry. There's still adoption. I don't need to have my own kid, sexy. I could quite happily commit myself to giving a child in need of a home. Adoption would probably take a while as well, so either way there's waiting involved. We can heal from anything, Riley. We've proved that. It all takes time. I just don't want us to miss out on our chance. We'll hate ourselves more for never trying," Evie said as she pushed her fingers through her blonde hair.

Riley was chewing on his thumb nail again. A common nervous habit for him. "You know that look on Lachlan's face when he came out after Tara had given birth to tell us he had a son, then kissed the janitor?" he asked looking up at her. "I want to feel like that. I want to know what that feels like."

Evie climbed onto his lap, and wrapped her arms around his fiance as she still gave him enough room to chew on his thumbnail. "You know that smile Tara gets when she talks about RJ... I want to have that."

Riley nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips. He knew that exact smile. Absolute, undiluted love and an awe that she even created something that perfect. "Maybe we should have two tries?" he suggested softly, albeit hesitantly.

Evie kissed his forehead, then kissed his cheek. "Maybe we should."

Words: 2507 | All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

For just_1_word | 26.8 Beginning

2009-04-14T09:16:42Z

Co-written with pullmysteth

Riley stuck his tongue out in annoyance as he read the reading on the thermometer. Another fucking fever. He felt mostly okay, just hot and achy. The joys of being HIV Positive with no spleen... he had little chance of fighting off minor random bugs or viruses. He had to keep a close eye on his health at all times. His cheeks were flushed, so he rinsed the thermometer and put it back into the medicine cabinet above the sink, then splashed some cold water on his face. He hoped hot and a little achy was where it was going to stop. Orange juice, echinacea, and some Tylenol would have to be the next stop. Though when he exited the main bathroom and went up the hall, the pile of mail on the table by the door caught his eye. He paused to sort through it, seeing if there was anything of interest there and his eyebrows rose a little when he saw an envelope from the fertility clinic in New York.

He wet his lips and went into the kitchen, finding Evie sitting at the table reading a magazine. "Wanna open it?" he asked, holding the envelope up.

"I don't know, does it have a check for a million dollars in it, or free tickets to Hawaii?" Evie asked, before she'd even looked up to see what he was holding. She turned the page, and crinkled her nose at yet more Brangelina gossip. Surely there were more important things in life? She brought her head up and looked from Riley to the envelope and back again. That would definitely be one of the more important things in his hand... "I, ah... shit. Yeah?"

Riley went to the fridge to get himself a bottle of water out. He came over to the table, sitting down beside her and sliding the envelope across the table for her. "Might be better than Hawaii or dollars. Though, a million would definitely help. These people want our money. They don't give us any," he said, pressing the side of the bottle against his cheek.

"Still feeling hot?" she asked him, concern etched into her features. She was hoping it would stop at a fever and aching just as much as he was. Evie looked back down at the envelope and fingered the edge of it before she picked it up. Her stomach tightened as her heart started to beat faster and she let out a slow breath. This was what they'd been waiting for. "We're going to be okay with what it says, no matter what. Right?"

Riley nodded. "102.1. It's alright. I'm just taking it easy today anyway. We didn't have much planned." He exhaled slowly, watching the letter as he uncapped the water. "Well, there's not much we can do about it if my count's too low. We'll just deal with it. Maybe try again down the track. It's relieving to know that performance anxiety can't affect the count, though," he added with a small smirk.

"When have you ever suffered performance anxiety?" Evie asked with an arch of her eyebrow. She could honestly say she had not one single complaint about Riley in that department. Some days it was amazing she even let him out of bed. She tore open the side of the envelope and slid out the letter. Her heart was still pounding, and she thought about prolonging the moment of truth but it was better if they just got it over with.

She slowly unfolded the letter, glancing briefly at Riley before she focused. Her eyes skimmed the lines, almost wishing they just sent a piece of paper with either 'HIGH' or 'LOW' printed on it. She finished reading, and turned it over face down as she looked at Riley. "Your sperm's perfect, sexy. Just like the rest of you."

"In that damn clinic," Riley snorted, shaking his head. "I was starting to wonder if I had to stand on my head to get the gravity working." He picked up the letter and read over the list of numbers and his eyebrows shot up. "Sixty-five million. Holy fuck... that's more than average. How is that even possible? Everything else in me is fucked up, but my sperm are determined little buggers? Typical. Determined but infected." He shook his head with sigh, taking another drink of water.

Evie sighed as she pushed out of her chair and moved to the one next to Riley so she could look him in the eye properly. "It's possible because you're you, and there's really nothing wrong with your dick. Also? This letter means we can try for a kid if we want. Take a moment to be happy... please?"

Riley looked at her, biting his lip. "I think it would've been easier if it was a fucked up count," he admitted and looked over the letter again. It said at the bottom that between Evie's blood test results and Riley's pathology, they were viable candidates for the sperm procedure and IVF, and to make an appointment with the clinic if they wished to pursue it. "I didn't expect this. I didn't think we would be able to."

"I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd spent most of the time we waited thinking the same. It's almost too good to be true, you know? But it is true. I guess the question is do you still want to have a baby? It's alright if you don't, Riley. Just now we got all the information that can help us make the decision." She reached out to cover his hand with hers and smiled. "I know it's hard to jump up and down since we still have a long way to go, but we can get through it."

Riley leaned forward against the table and massaged his fingers across his forehead with a small moan. It was just that conflicted worry tickling away inside him again. "What do you think?" he asked. "Do you still want to?"

Evie nodded as she tried to keep her grin at bay, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. "Yeah, I do. Riley... I don't care if we just try it once. I think if we just keep taking one step at a time... maybe we'll get a family. And if it doesn't work out, then at least we tried."

Typically, Riley's brain was already going into overdrive. He was quiet as he stared at the letter in front of him and wet his lips, going on to chew on the corner of his lower one. It took a few long moments but he soon nodded slowly. "Okay..." he agreed with a hesitant smile. "But just one time at first. Let's just aim for one and see how it goes."

"Okay?" Evie repeated as she kept her eyes on his face. "Okay... Fuck. okay."

Riley swallowed and nodded again, but his resolve slipped. It was always going to. "Are you sure? Are we doing the right thing?" he asked her, picking up the letter again to read over it.

Evie nodded. "I'm sure... are you? What's stopping you? We're doing the right thing, sweetheart. But only if you want to. I don't want to force you through this when you have doubts. Having said that, some doubts would be natural."

"Nothing's stopping me. I haven't said no. I'm just scared. Blame the fever," Riley said and started chewing on his thumb nail. "I'm scared to be excited? I'm not saying I don't want to, because I do, I just don't know if I'll ever stop being worried until the baby is born and I can see with my own eyes it's healthy."

Evie sat up a little so she could kiss his temple. "I don't think I will be either, but I really do just want to just take a moment to indulge. This doesn't need to feel totally like a science experiment. It's allowed to have a little humanity, otherwise I might freak out when it comes time to baste my insides."

Riley winced at this and shot her an apprehensive glance. "If I think about it like that, I'm not going to do it," he warned her. "It's bad enough I can't bleed or come without a pre-thought process, but if I have to think of this as being independant of the whole process, I don't want to do it."

Evie frowned a little. "Then how do you want to think of it? I'll ride along with whatever, I'm just... I'm a little in shock. And probably spending too much time talking to your sister. She rubs off on people."

Riley brushed his hands roughly over his face and then sat up with a heavy exhalation. "Ignore me. I'm having a complex," he said with a shake of his head. "There's a nostalgic traditional brain cell in my head that just wishes we could do this the conventional way. I come in a cup and that's it. It's impersonal and clinical, just like everything to do with the HIV. I'm sorry. I'm being a tosser. I don't want to piss all over this, because I am happy... just a little regretful, you know?"

"I know, and just between you and me, as far as I'm concerned we can fuck before and fuck after and we'll just pretend like one of those hot and sweaty sessions was us conceiving. I realise coming in a cup is impersonal and clinical, but we're still doing it out of love, and we're going to love our kid so much... Nothing will change that." Evie kissed him again and rest her head on his shoulder. "If I could make it different, I would. I'd do anything for you."

"I know, love. I really really know," Riley assured her and took her hand to squeeze it. "I think I just need Tylenol and a lie down while I try and process the fact that we could well be able to have a baby. I think I'm in shock. My brain is trying to find a way to cut it down by default. It's been... a fucked up week. I'm surprised either of us can even think straight. This is just a little gleaming light in a huge cavern of stress."

Evie nodded. "At least Chase came through the surgery okay... Take the Tylenol and I'll come lie down with you. I'm exhausted. So glad I get a day off. We'll talk about it again once you've rested."

"We'll have to lock the bedroom door. I'm living in the fast lane and lying down naked. I'm boiling," Riley said with a smirk. "Wouldn't want to scar my sister for life if she comes looking for me."

"I'm sure I'll be able to manage with you lying down naked... I'll even do the chivalrous thing and stay clothed. Or at least in my underwear. Harder for any body parts to accidentally join," she smirked back. "I'm sure your sister would understand. I'll write a quick note of warning."

Riley stood up with a smirk, taking the letter and his water with him. "That could freak her out just as much, you know. She's a delicate petal," he said with a snort of laughter.

"Oh, yeah... real delicate. I think she's going to be a while anyway. Had to take a trip some place." Evie followed him, catching up in time to rest her hand on his back.

"What place?" Riley asked immediately. "Why don't I know about a place?"

Evie squeezed his shoulder. "It's alright, she'll tell you when she gets back. You need to rest right now, nurse's orders. Don't make me go Nurse Brenda on you."

Riley frowned, highly put out that he wasn't privy to something but got over it with a huff. "I'm still lying naked," he added for emphasis.

"I'm still not going to stop you," Evie replied, trying not to grin too much. He was sexy even when he was huffy.

Riley paused at the the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her. Probably one of the only times ever she would be taller than him. His eyes were wide. "We're going to have a baby."

Evie turned around, and came down a couple steps so she could get her arms around him. "Yeah, we are. You're going to be a daddy."

"Oh my god," Riley said in realisation as he hugged her tightly. "We're really really doing it!"

Evie laughed before turning her head and kissing his cheek. "I am so ready to start making a baby with you, Riley Browne."

Riley caught her lips in a heated kiss. So what if he swapped his germs. That's what marriage was, right? "I think we should start practicing," he murmured against her lips, hands, sweeping down her back. "Right now."

Evie responded immediately and started to lead him up the stairs backwards. "No arguments here. I hear orgasms are good for colds and headaches..."

"It's a really big headache," Riley added mischievously, breaching the gap between them so they could hurry up the rest of the stairs.

[Words: 2187 | All muses referred to with permission]

For just_muse_me | 17.5.2. Be told something you really don't want to hear

2009-04-07T08:24:01Z

Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS

Evie's shift finished an hour before Riley's, but rather than go home on her own, Evie waited. She took her time getting changed, that feeling of being dunked underwater still never really going away. She barely managed to understand people when they talked to her, having to ask them to repeat themselves several times. Between the news about Chase, and discovering she had a sister her day had been... well, she didn't even know the word for it. She wasn't sure if she should be happy about Emma still, reeling from the idea that her Dad used to play up before she was born, not just after her mother's death. He'd fathered a second girl after her Mom had been pregnant. All this time, Evie could have maybe known her sister, but instead her Dad had thrown money at the 'problem' in the hopes it would go away.

And Chase. Poor guy had cancer, and faced the idea of not being around for his daughter's first birthday. Stage fucking two. Evie just felt so sad, maybe identifying with the wife's point of view, even if she'd barely spoken to Mrs Chase lately. She just knew how she'd felt when Riley had finally been given his diagnosis, but the truth was it hadn't changed how Evie had felt about him. Not one bit. She still loved him body and soul, and his HIV status didn't change that. Now they were thinking about attempting their own family, and Evie just wanted to make sure if they were successful that the child knew that it was loved. More than Riley had, more than she had, and more than apparently Emma had.

She wiped at tears that she only just realised were there, and gave her fiancé a tired smile when she finally saw him. Without hesitating, Evie walked up to him and gave him a tight hug as she murmured that she loved him. She took his hand when she managed to let go of him, and led him to their car. If she'd have finished before him, she would have swung back around to pick him up, but this way they could go home together, and she needed that. She also needed him to be the one to drive, because Evie wasn't sure she could concentrate for long enough. "Please tell me you're up for driving," Evie said, figuring she better actually check. "Otherwise we better try and get a cab now."

"Yeah... yeah, sure," Riley murmured, watching her closely. Something was wrong. He didn't need her to have a flashy sign over her head to say that because her face said it. He was tired and had never been so happy to walk out of the ER than he had that evening, but he could drive. "Has something happened, love?" he asked her, trying to fish around in his backpack for his car keys and smokes. He really needed a smoke.

Evie sighed as she leaned back against the car, grateful it was one that lacked an annoying car alarm. "Yes... but one thing I can't tell you about, and the other I don't even know how to begin to explain. It's a total mind fuck." She reached out to fiddle with his coat sleeve, and watched him search for his keys. "Let's just pretend for one crazy second that you and Tab weren't raised together... that for whatever reason you got separated at birth, and then you didn't meet until now. Do you think you'd still share that same strong bond with her? Would you even want to know her?"

Riley understood the first part. The cross to bear of being a healthcare professional. Evie could treat Tab herself and wouldn't be allowed to tell Riley unless it was specifically requested. Of course, the notion made Riley a little nervous with a thought that maybe someone they knew was ill, but he just pushed the thought away. He found the smokes first, followed by his lighter and put them both on the roof of the car, giving the bag a little shake to hear that the keys were even in there. They were somewhere. His watched beeped too, signalling it was time for his pills, but he could get them when they got home. "Our Mum would've loved to have only one of us to raise," he said with a derisive snort. "Of course I'd want to know her. I'd cut my left arm off to know her if that's what it took. She's my blood and my sister. It wouldn't matter that I didn't know her... I'd make sure I got to know her. As for the bond... I don't know. Do you mean the brotherly sisterly bond or the physical twin thing?" He found the keys with a small frown. "That's an awfully specific hypothetical, love."

Evie moved closer to him, taking physical comfort in him now he was here. She had a sudden urge to ask him if he'd heard her telepathic call earlier, but it was better to stay on one hypothetical at a time. "I guess I mean the brotherly sisterly bond. I'm not really talking twins, but I know that some of what you and Tab share is because you are twins. I've just--I've never really known a bond like the one you two share, but if you didn't grow up together, would you still even have it? Or be able to forge it? You don't think it's too late if you met her now to be as close as you are? Would you still be close?"

"Wow, um..." Riley said, letting out a slow breath as he tried to wrap his tired head around all the questions that were coming out of the blue. "It would probably take some time, but I like to think we would be able to get close like we are now. But then, we are close how we are because we took care of each other growing up, so I guess that would be a factor. Again, though, it's a blood thing. She's my sister. I'd do anything for her. I'm pretty sure if I just met her, I would still feel a yearning to want to at least try to be close."

Evie nodded, and pushed her hair back from her face as she cleared her throat. "My Dad knocked up some chick while Mom was pregnant with me. I have a fucking half sister that I never knew about until today."

Riley dropped the car keys and stared at her in shock. "What? A what?"

"Exactly," Evie replied as she smiled wryly. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with a half sister? She didn't even know about me until a year ago! My fucking father and his fucking straying dick. My mother was six months pregnant and he went and had a fucking one night stand without a damn condom. Who does that?!"

"I-" Riley tried, but he wasn't exactly sure what he could say. He didn't really want to encourage Evie to forge a hatred for her father. It was hard enough seeing Tab harbour it for their mother and he didn't think it was going to be a healthy thing in the long run. "Are you sure she's really your sister?" he asked, stooping to collect the keys. He stuffed them into the pocket of his jacket and grabbed his smokes, quickly lighting one up. He needed it now more than he did before.

Evie was just angry. She wasn't sure she would ever truly hate her father, but he just kept doing stupid things that pissed her off. She needed to blow steam off before she even tried to talk to him. "She showed me a copy of her birth certificate. It actually says Keith Miller... And her eyes..." Evie hadn't exactly taken in the detail while she'd been in shock, but now as she pictured Emma's face, she knew they had the same eyes. "She has his eyes just like I do."

"She was here?!" Riley squeaked. He shook his head. "That's just... that's..." He really wanted to say 'fucked up', but he knew that would lack a distinct amount of tact in the situation. He put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply. "How do you know the mother didn't just say that to get his money?"

"Because Dad was the one to offer the money. It sounds like it was his idea. I don't know, Riley. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do right now... I have her number, and I saw her, and holy fuck. I have a sister. I don't know what to do!" Evie almost felt like taking the cigarette off Riley and smoking it herself, but she'd just wind up coughing. "She's a paramedic."

Riley was frowning. "She could be lying," he still pointed out. It all seemed too... weird. Convenient. All he could think of was that Evie was going to end up hurt. "What if she just winds up hurting you?" he asked. "It would be like... that clinic telling us we could have a kid and then calling us a month in saying 'Oh, no. We lied. You can't have one'."

"How's she going to hurt me? It's not as if I'm attached to the idea of her being my family. I can't think straight. I don't really don't know what to do. Tell me what to do. Please, Riley." She looked up at him, silently pleading with her expression. She just needed some kind of direction. "I don't have anything for her to want enough to fake this kind of shit. I'm not rich, I'm not special. I'm just a nurse."

The frown only deeped. "What? You are fucking special, Evie. Very special. And if this chick hurts you, I'll kill her," he said, leaning against the car. The cigarette burned between his fingers and he scratched his forehead with his thumb. "But if she is your sister, then... well, if I was in your shoes, I couldn't ignore it. I'd want to... I'd want to care for her and protect her," he said softly.

Evie reached out to take the collar of his jacket in her hands. "You're cute when you're protective. And I know it's possible she might be scamming me, but I don't think she is. She didn't know I was me, she was really shocked she'd found me. You can fake crap like that. And I do kind of want to care for her, and protect her, but I don't even know her! Am I supposed to just... I don't know. Start hanging out with her?"

Riley shook his head slowly. "I don't know, love. I really don't. I've always had Tab right there with me. Did she seem like she wanted to get to know you, or was it just a passing 'Hi, you're my sister, bye' type thing? I mean, I guess not everyone has a family yearning... I've just always sort of have. Family and friends are important. Plus, life's too short. We only get one shot at it, too," he reasoned, trying to offer her an insight without telling her what to do.

"She gave me her number, and address. I think she does want to get to know me. Why else would she have looked for me? She's nice... I think you'd like her. I think I like her, but it's my secret sister! I have a fucking sister..." Evie buried her face against his chest. "This is exhausting."

Riley dropped the remainder of the smoke onto the ground and stubbed it out with his toe so he could wrap his arms around her. "I wish I could tell you what to do, love, but I really can't. This is a choice you have to make yourself. Just like when you told me that you couldn't tell me whether to go back to the ER or not. I just know that Tab is... she's part of me. She's my blood. I would do anything for her for that very reason alone. If she's your sister, she's probably your only sister and you might not ever get another chance to know what it's like to have one."

"I'll try and sleep on it. I don't want to make any rash decisions." Evie lifted her head up to look at him. "So how was your day? Any secret relatives spring themselves on you?"

Riley shook his head. "No, I probably could've coped with that. It was just intense. I found myself filtering my patients so I didn't take anyone who could possibly be a drug addict. I wouldn't go in the bay I got attacked in. It was basically a disaster, but the shift is over, so it's fine."

Evie stretched up to kiss him. "Can we go home, get drunk, and have takeout? Maybe sex if we have the energy?"

Riley smirked and returned the kiss. His cell phone started to ring in his pocket. "Was this your ultimate plan? The sister was all an elaborate plan to get me into bed, wasn't it?" he teased.

"You got me. I figured you might be exhausted from the ER, so I tried to cook up something that would at least win me sympathy sex," Evie laughed as she pulled away enough to give him room to get his phone if he wanted to.

"I'm not that hard to lay, am I?" Riley laughed. But when he took his phone out to check the caller ID, it was an unknown number. He flipped it open to answer. "Riley Browne." When the caller gave his name, a deep frown appeared on Riley's face and he assumed Wilson was looking for Evie. If only. Riley didn't have much of a chance to talk, and only answered briefly when Wilson asked him if he had a couple of minutes. Riley nodded with his answer, even though Wilson couldn't see him and his eyes remained on Evie. He could never have anticipated what would come next in the phone call and he paled, leaning heavily against the car as Wilson explained softly but succinctly. Riley was speechless and just listened numbly.

With a small mumble of thanks, the phone call ended and he stared at Evie with a tiny shake of his head. "Chase," he said hoarsely. "That was the other thing you couldn't tell me. Chase has cancer."

Evie bit her lip as she nodded, and hugged Riley tightly. Wilson must have called Riley because Chase's records still listed him as his doctor. In a way she was grateful that her boss had done it, because now she could talk to Riley freely about it. Well, within reason. "Yes," she whispered. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so, so sorry."

"Oh my god," Riley whispered, and hugged her back tightly. "How can you... how is he...?" But he couldn't finish the thoughts. There was nothing else that could be said, so he just held her, standing there in the carpark together.

Words: 2511 | All muses referenced with permission

For muse_shuffle | April Disc Two

2009-04-05T12:38:54Z

18. If you wrote me off I'd understand it
Because I've been on some other planet
So come pick me up...
I've landed
[‘Landed’ – Ben Folds]

[Co-written with missparamedic | Follows THIS]

Evie was still reeling from the news of Robert Chase having cancer. She stood at the nurse's station in Oncology just staring into nothing. Even while she'd been talking to him, she hadn't genuinely thought that he'd have it. Okay, yes, there was a family history, and yes, there'd been a lump. But this was Dr Chase... he was invincible, even in a coma. Evie was trying to come to terms with the fact that she would be seeing a lot more of him on this floor, and it left her heart feeling heavy. She could only imagine how his wife would be feeling. She wanted desperately to pick up the phone and tell Riley, but it wasn't her news to tell. Maybe she'd just call him up and tell him she loved him instead.

He might have had HIV, but with the right medication he would live for a long time yet. As pessimistic as it was, the moment cancer decided to get you--that was it. You were dead. Chase might pull through this, and he might not. There were too many variables. She cleared her throat as she started to drag herself back to the present, and tried to think of what she had to do next. It wasn't going to help if she just stood around staring into space for the rest of her shift.

Emma was obviously still in her paramedic uniform as she made her way nervously up to the Oncology ward of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. She worried her lip with her thumb and forefinger as she rode the elevator up and when she stepped out into the corridor, she spotted the large Oncology sign above some double doors in the distance. Her shift had ended, but rather than going home from the station, she had gotten in her car and driven straight back to the hospital. She couldn't shake the feeling that she needed to at least try her luck here. She walked slowly into the ward, looking around hesitantly. It didn't take long to find the nurses' station and she approached with a small clear of her throat. "Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me?" she requested quietly.

"I can try," Evie replied as she turned at the voice, and tried to put on a polite smile. It didn't really reach her eyes though. "Long way from the ER, aren't you?"

Emma was taken aback at the abrupt comment but she didn't outwardly react to it. She bit back a retort about being too stupid to read signs because she wasn't a real doctor, as tempting as it was. All she damn well asked for was some help. "I'm looking for someone called Evie Miller," she began. "I was directed to this ward."

Evie held up a hand in apology, having realised how she must have sounded. "I'm sorry, it's been a long day." Then she blinked, and couldn't stop the colour draining from her face. "I'm Evie Miller. Is everything okay? Is Riley okay? He's not--nothing's happened, has it?"

Emma was unable to stop herself just staring at the woman. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. God knows how she was coming across. It only just occurred to her that 'Riley Browne' in the ER was linked to Evie. It hadn't really dawned on her at the time because she was reeling just hearing the name. But of course, it made sense. He had mentioned her name and her location, so of course he was linked to her. It was too much to try and process what the link was, though. "I-I, um..." she stammered and then shook her head a little, stealing back her composure. "Yeah, I... I mean, I don't know Riley. That's not why I'm here. Is your full name Evelyn? Evelyn Miller?"

Some colour started to return to Evie's cheeks and she gave a slow nod, staring back at the brunette. Now she was just even more confused. What would a paramedic want with her if it wasn't because someone was in trouble? "Yes, but no one's called me that since birth. And Mrs Henderson, but the woman was a bitch. Made fifth grade hell. I'm sorry, I'm still not sure what it is that I can help you with."

Emma put her hand up to her mouth. Over a year searching... no way. It couldn't be here. "I'm sorry, but is your father Keith Miller, a psych professor in New York?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse and her heart was thumping in her chest. Her eyes were wide as she watched Evie in awe. She was gorgeous.

She could feel an eyebrow creeping up as she looked at the paramedic questioningly. Evie felt at such a disadvantage given she seemed to know everything about Evie and Evie knew nothing about her. She still wasn't answering her question. "Yes." Please don't let this be some new conquest that wanted revenge. "Father might be a bit of a loose term given his penchant for choosing only to act as one when he feels like it."

"Or not at all," Emma mumbled as a frown furrowed her brow. She rubbed the back of her neck, giving just about anything for a massage to relieve the tension there. "I... I really need to talk to you," she finally said, looking helplessly at Evie.

"Shit, has he got you pregnant?" Evie had no idea why her mind went there, but it did. She also had no idea how she was supposed to fix her father's mess. Evie glanced at her watch and sighed. "Well, I'm pretty much due for a break. Do you want to grab some coffee?"

Emma nodded. "I think that's a good idea," she agreed, unable to really take her eyes off Evie. But dragged them away. She didn't want her to think she was a total freak. A small shiver ran up her spine at the whole pregnant question. It was wrong for so many reasons, but of course, Evie had no clue of anything and Emma was suddenly terrified she might not want anything to do with her. So many months of anticipation could be zapped in two small words of 'Get fucked'.

Evie guided the brunette back towards the elevators and pushed the button to go down. She had no idea what kind of small talk was appropriate right now, so an awkward silence descended over them. She pulled her ponytail out, and tried to redo it as the elevator doors opened, getting the tie back in place in time to hit the button for the ground floor. "Can I at least get your name?" she finally asked as they started to move downwards. "That way I won't get the urge just to say 'hey you' all the time."

"Emma," she replied, watching the numbers light up as they descended. "Emma Hamilton." She dropped her eyes to glance at Evie again momentarily. "You're a nurse." Stupid, probably. It sounded stupid when it came out of her mouth, but she was astounded. Emma had a Nursing degree too. They were both technically nurses and that was just... well, Emma felt like her head was about to explode.

"In Oncology, yes," Evie said, trying to be friendly. It was a bit stupid, but for whatever reason, Emma was nervous and seemed like she was about to fall over from shock at any second. Evie had never met anyone that had had that reaction to her. Just made her more curious about why Emma was trying to find her. "It's all I've ever wanted to do." The doors dinged open finally and Evie got off to lead the woman out into the fresh air where she knew there'd be a coffee cart. The weather wasn't too bad considering, and Evie needed to know the sky and grass still existed outside of the hospital walls. Sometimes it was easy to forget about nature.

Emma just followed quietly at first. How was she supposed to know what to do in this situation? "My Mom's a lawyer. Well, she's a Professor of Law now, at Harvard. I never wanted to do that. I don't know why." Oh hell, the stupid was spawning. If she kept talking, she was going to start speaking Pig Latin or something. Why would Evie give a shit about her mother? Or her? She didn't know who the fuck she was! She scratched at her arm as they neared the coffee cart. At least that would give her something to do with her hands. She took her wallet from her bag. "Please, let me get this. It's the least I can do after I interrupted your shift."

"Actually, you had good timing. I think I needed an interruption." However bizarre. Evie didn't argue about the coffee, realising a little too late that her money was back up in her locker. "I think my Dad being a psych professor is precisely why I've avoided the field. After my Mom got diagnosed with cancer, being a nurse is all I ever thought about. Doctors kind of wind up doing all the curing, but someone's got to care about the patients."

Emma blinked. "Your Mom has cancer?" she asked and distractedly handed over a fifty dollar note to the barista. No, things like that weren't supposed to come to light. It had all been happy and bouncy in Emma's head. There was no blights. Nothing like cancer.

"Had," Evie corrected with a sad expression. "She died when I was younger. It's been me and Dad for a long time, but it's been me on my own for what feels like longer." She shrugged her shoulders and pushed her bangs out of her eyes. "It doesn't matter, it's just history. Hopefully it'll be me and Riley for a lot longer."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't meant to drag that up for you..." Emma accepted her change, shoving it hastily into her wallet, which disappeared back into her bag. She handed Evie her coffee and picked up her own, cupping her hands around it. "I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose my Mom. It's just me and her. Always has been... Riley is... I think I might have seen him in the ER this shift. Tall doctor, glasses, curly hair?"

Evie accepted the coffee with a nod and cleared her throat as she started to laugh softly. "Stop apologising. It's not your fault, and you haven't dragged anything up. Mom's never far from my thoughts, I've just learned to live with the fact she's not here anymore. You probably know how it feels anyway, since it's just you and your mother." Evie's smile increased as her blue eyes lit up. "That would be him. Sexy as all fuck as far as I'm concerned. He's my fiancé."

Emma had mind to blush just slightly. She had been blatantly perving on her sister's fiancé! But more to the point, her sister could bag gorgeous hotties like that and Emma's love life was with a tub of B&Js and a romantic comedy DVD. It was kind of depressing. "I have to admit I accidentally overheard him talking to another doctor. Something about not being there for months or something. Not that it's any of my business. Today was my first day on the job in Princeton. I... I transferred here from New York."

"Yeah, I come from Manhattan originally, so I know what it's like. Princeton's great once you get settled and find friends. Makes it easy having my best friend here. So you overheard him and... you knew where to find me? That's the 'direction' you got?" Evie frowned as she took off the lid of her coffee and blew over it. "Riley suffered a needlestick injury at the hands of an ER patient. He's been working in ICU for a while." She wasn't about to tell some stranger about his HIV. Emma would probably here about the needlestick regardless since PPTH loved to talk.

"My god," Emma said with a frown as she slipped into the seat at the picnic bench. "Every health professional's worst nightmare. That would explain why his friend asked him if it was too soon. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. It was just kind of an accident. I... yeah, he mentioned your name. That's how I knew." She played nervously with the edge of the cup lid. "I grew up n Boston, but moved to New York for my job. See, I came looking for you because I have a connection to your father."

"I promise I won't ask if you're pregnant this time," Evie said with a slight smile. She sat down near Emma and looked at the other woman. "Yeah, it's not been too great for Riley, but he's stronger than he realises and he has plenty of friends to look after him. He's lucky he's got a good support network."

Emma nodded. "I only saw him for two minutes, at the most, but he seemed like a nice guy. Kind of the shy sort." She scrunched her nose up a little. "It would be an immaculate conception. My sex life is non-existent and has been for months. I used to commiserate with my boss slash closest friend but he went and found himself a little hottie, who he is now living with on the Upper East Side." She paused and let out a small sigh. "I have to tell you something and I really don't know how you're going to take it."

Evie's eyebrows shot up. "Well, I can't exactly tell you how I'm going to take it until you tell me what it is."

Emma's shoulders slumped a little. "Your father slept with my mother," she revealed quietly.

"Okay..." Evie kept watching her. "My father's been sleeping with a lot of women lately. It's no big secret, but I'm sorry if he hurt your mother."

Emma shook her head and tucked some stray dark hair behind her ear. It was so different to Evie's, but looking closely at the other woman now, she realised they had the same eyes. "No, not recently. Nearly twenty five years ago," she said, watching Evie closely. "Keith Miller is my father."

Evie felt like she'd suddenly been shoved under water. There was a rushing in her ears that had nothing to do with a breeze. She struggled to find anything to say, let alone breathe. "What?" she suddenly blurted, and only managed not to drop her coffee by taking it in both hands. "I--what?"

Emma fumbled in her bag and pulled out a crumpled and creased photocopy of her birth certificate. She had been carrying it around ever since she started looking for her sister and it seemed surreal that she was about to actually produce it now. She unfolded it and tried to hastily smooth out the creases and pushed it across the table to Evie. "He came to Harvard for a conference and my Mom was just an Assistant Professor there then. They had a one night stand and then she found out she was pregnant. He didn't... well, he didn't want to know about it because he was married so he just paid Mom off and that was the end of it. She never saw him again. But it's true. I-I didn't know about you until recently. Just over a year ago. That's when I started looking for you..."

Evie set her coffee down with shaky hands, and tried to send out a telepathic call to Riley to come find her and catch her in case she fell over. She knew she didn't really have telepathic powers, but it was worth a try. If there was ever a time she needed him... Her fingers touched the end of the birth certificate, and her stomach dropped like she'd just been in a lift that went down too fast. "You're my... I have a sister?" Her face twisted as she tried to work out if she was going to cry, or scream. "My Dad is your Dad? He... fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit."

"Yeah, I... I'm sorry. I know this has to be hard for you..." Now that she was faced with it, Emma realised just how this could all be going wrong. No matter how many times she envisaged this meeting, it wasn't working out like any of them. She was now left feeling like she did something wrong. Maybe she should've just left well enough alone. She didn't have a Riley to send telepathic messages to. She was alone in a strange town with an apartment full of boxes. She was sure she had never felt this isolated in her life. She hugged her hands around her arms and bit down on her lip.

"I have a sister," Evie repeated as she felt her bottom lip tremble. Oh god, she was going to cry. Truth was it actually took a lot for Evie to cry. Since her Mom died, she'd become hardened to a lot of things, and didn't think anything could ever hurt as much as that. Almost losing Riley after those twenty days had come close, and now this... How could her Dad have not said anything? "No, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine what it must have taken for you to find me. I just--you caught me off guard. I wasn't exactly ever expecting a sister to rock up out of the blue. My fucking father... And he thinks he understands the human condition."

Emma tentatively reached out and rested her hand on Evie's arm. It felt strange, but she kept it there. "I-I like to think he was just trying to do the right thing by you and your Mom. Of course, I never knew you existed. Not back then. Mom did. At least, she knew your Mom was pregnant, after the fact. She was hurt. When he walked away she didn't have the energy to try and fight it. She just decided to raise me on her own and my grandparents helped. I mean, I guess there isn't much of an age gap between me and I know this must suck for you. I just... I just had to meet you."

Evie braced her elbow against the table so she could rest her forehead in her hand as she cried. She couldn't even think of anything to say. Emma's hand did feel strange over hers, but Evie flipped her hand over and took Emma's in hers. This was her sister. All these years she had a sister, and had just been oblivious to her existence. She thought of Riley and Tab, and wondered if there would have ever been a change for her and Emma to be that close. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed and eventually she sniffed loudly and lifted her head up as she wiped her eyes. "I can't... I mean, these past few years I've gotten used to him being a ladies man, but I didn't even consider he'd been like that before. He was perfect with Mom, and he'd loved her so much. I don't really... I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say."

Emma shook her head and gripped Evie's hand. "It's okay," she said quietly, some tears slipping down her cheeks too. "I don't really know what to say either. I imagined this epic movie-esque meeting where we would throw our arms around each other and live happily ever after, but it was deluded, I know. We're strangers. We just have the same blood. I just want you to know I'm not pressuring you into anything. This is... it's huge and if you want nothing to do with me, I'll understand. I can't imagine this is how you expected your day to pan out and to hear that your father had a secret like this... but I... I'm glad you haven't told me to fuck off, because believe me, I imagined that scenario too."

Evie managed to smile. "Hard to tell you to fuck off when you had that whole crazy mystique thing going on. Besides, I'm not my father. I'm confused, and angry, and shocked, but I'm not him. I won't tell you to fuck off straight away. Sorry I couldn't do the whole movie-esque thing. I just need some time." Evie wiped at her eyes again, and looked at Emma. "Fuck. A sister. You got a number? Maybe after I pick myself up off the floor I can give you a call?"

"911?" Emma joked weakly and then waved her hand. She started looking around in her bag for a piece of paper and a pen. "I know, lame joke. I'm sorry. I'm nervous. It did look like I interrupted a bad day for you, maybe. I apologise for that again. But when I heard your fiancé say your name in the ER, I just couldn't let it go. Actually, he kind of looked like he was having a bit of a bad day too. You two should get a bottle of wine and a takeout tonight. Put your feet up." She was rambling now but she came up trumps with a pen and paper, scrawling her number and her address down.

"Someone we know got diagnosed with cancer. I guess I was in shock, only not like right now." Evie laughed softly at the lame joke and shrugged. "It's okay, I can understand the nerves. I'm glad you took the chance, even if it doesn't really seem like it." Evie took the bit of paper and slid the birth certificate back to Emma. "I don't know why he would be having a bad day other than if ER's been hard on him. I'll definitely consider the wine and takeout. Thanks, Emma."

"That was maybe the wrong wording. He just looked stressed. If it's his first day back, it's probably straining." Emma shoved the pen back into her back and picked up her untouched coffee to stand up. "I should probably let you get back to work. I'm sorry again I had to show up when things are so hard for you. I think your fiancé thinks I'm a weird fuck, too. He caught me listening but I was really just stunned he said your name. Not that he knows who I am, but if there are mentions of a crazy, nosey paramedic bitch, that's me."

She hesitated for a moment and then stopped to give Evie a brief one-armed hug. "Thank you for at least hearing me out."

Evie patted Emma's back awkwardly as she smiled. "Anytime. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm running off, but I have to get back to work. It was... it was interesting to meet you, Emma Hamilton."

Emma smiled and let her hand linger on Evie's shoulder momentarily. Their gaze met and Emma decided they really did have the same eyes. It was enough proof for her. "If you need anything, anytime, call me," she said and then started to walk away, waving a little before turning to head back to her car. Her stomach was doing somersaults, but for the first time in ages, things felt like they were going right for her.

Words: 3887

For muses_w_remotes | 12.8 Mrs Doubtfire Quote

2009-04-03T22:36:30Z

12.8. “Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, and look at it and say ‘this is not my life’?”
| Mrs Doubtfire

Co-written with chasemd | Follows THIS but before THIS

Chase didn't know why the hospital suddenly felt so foreign to him. It had nothing to do with the fact he had been absent from the job for a couple of months, either. He sat in one of the uncomfortable Oncology waiting room chairs, staring unseeingly down at the linoleum floor as he folded his hands tightly before him. His elbows were resting on his elbows and his foot was tapping restlessly. He glanced briefly up at the clock on the wall and then dropped his eyes back to the floor. He felt like all eyes were on him. He wasn't in his uniform because he wasn't here as a staff member. He was reluctant to admit he was a patient, too. He felt in limbo. A very frightening limbo.

Wilson had warned him he might be a bit late because, as a favour, he was squeezing Chase in between consults that had been booked for weeks. Chase swallowed, not quite believing he was here. This wasn't ever a position he expected to find himself in. He should be on the other side of the fence, not teetering in the middle of it. He was grateful for Wilson. Wilson was one of the best Oncologists in the country, so that was a plus. It had to be a plus because no matter how much he turned it over and over in his head, Chase couldn't think like a doctor right now. It felt like everything he learned in his MD had suddenly been zapped out of his mind. Bottom line was, he was just plain scared and he wanted nothing more than to walk out and try to forget any of this was happening. But he wasn't stupid. Something like this, he couldn't afford to be stupid.

Evie had been checking up on one of her patients, making sure they were comfortable during the chemotherapy. Or at least as comfortable as one could be. It didn't really get easier watching people try and fight cancer, but she would rather be here to look after them, than leave them to do it on their own. Some people seemed to do it on their own anyway, without family and friends. Evie didn't know how they could do it. If it was her, she'd rather have Riley and Tara here.

She blinked as she saw Chase sitting in one of the waiting room chairs and dropped down in an empty one beside him. "Hey there, stranger. What brings you to my neck of the woods?" She looked him over again and noticed the lack of scrubs. "Is your wife and child okay?"

Chase looked up at the voice but it took him a few moments to realise it was addressing him and that it was actually a familiar face. He blinked and then sat up stiffly, seeming to overcompensate his posture as if it would mask everything else. "My what?" he asked, his voice low. He shook his head a little when the question clicked in his mind. "Um, yeah. Yeah, they're real good. Better than I could wish for," he told her, with a slight, forced smile.

Evie raised her eyebrows a little and pushed her blonde bangs out of her eyes. "It works better if you just relax into the lie, you know. Less forced. So Mia and Rogue are really okay, but... you're not?" Evie guessed.

Chase's eyes flicked to Evie and then back to his shoes. Seems they needed a wash. He didn't know why he was thinking his shoes needed a wash. He swallowed again and rubbed his palms a little on his thighs. His hands had been sweating since he arrived and that was unusual for him. "I don't really know," he admitted quietly. "Maybe not." An ailing cancer patient shuffled by supporting themselves on their IV pole. She had a scarf around her head and met his eyes with a polite smile. How the fuck could she smile? He nodded politely in return and snaked a hand around his stomach in a psuedo self-hug. The hospital antiseptic suddenly seemed prominent and overpowering in his nose. If was enough to make someone feel ill by default.

Evie reached over to cover his hand with hers as she watched him. She knew that look, and her stomach tightened as she considered what it could mean on Chase's face. "Oh, sweetheart," she murmured. "Where's your wife? You shouldn't be doing this alone, Dr Chase. Even if it's just a check up, you need someone here. I know you probably think you're being brave, or you think the denial will last longer, but that's not how it works. You need someone here. Trust me."

Chase looked at her tiredly. "In all honesty, Evie, I didn't even get that far in my thinking. I'm just here. I figured being here sooner rather than later was just... smart. I just called Wilson and he told me to come in straight away. I didn't really think beyond that." He watched the patient make it to her room and stop to chat to a nurse. "This isn't somewhere I want Marie to have to hang out with the baby. Plus, I don't know how long I have to wait. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't really think at all. My mind is just one big numb gaping hole."

"Do you want me to wait with you? I have some time..." Evie followed his line of sight and gave a small nod. "I understand, really, I do. Do you want to talk about it, or should I invoke distraction tactics? Tab's taught me a few tricks as blunt as she can be, she's also good at not talking about something when she has to."

Chase laughed just a little and nodded. "Yeah, she and I had some interesting chats at Christmas. I find it hard to believe she's Riley's twin." He drew his lip in between his teeth as a lump of emotion settled in his throat. "A lump. I... well, Marie found it. Last night."

"When they're together, it falls into place. I haven't ever really seen anything like those two," Evie said with a grin. Her grin faltered the next moment and she squeezed his hand. "It could be nothing, you know. Might be benign."

Chase put his hand up to his head and rubbed his fingers roughly against his forehead. "My father died of cancer, so did my grandfather and my grandmother on my mother's side. I've got it in both sides. There's maybe been other symptoms... I dunno. It might not be benign, too. It's not a small lump."

Evie pressed her lips together. Chase's familial history could certainly play a part, and wasn't exactly making things look better. "How old were they? It's easy to dismiss symptoms while you've been focused on your daughter's birth. Not that I'm the one that's supposed to be diagnosing you. I'm sorry, you can tell me to shut up."

Chase shook his head. "No, it's okay. Better this than seated in denial. My father was, well, he only died a few years ago. My grandparents died before I was born. I don't know their specific ages or really what sort of cancer it was. My father was lung cancer, though it was in advanced stages and had spread. It was more a fact I probably dismissed them thinking they were a result from... when I was sick. The coma. When I think now, I can basically run a DD on myself. Plus, there's been this back ache, really low down..." He sighed, hugging himself again. "Fuck."

"Can't someone babysit Mia for you while Marie does this with you? She should be here, Dr Chase. She's your wife, you need her and she probably needs to be here and wants to be here." Evie leaned back in her chair and watched as one of the doctors made a call from the nurse's station. "I don't know how Riley would have got through his diagnosis without Tab."

"I don't know, really. Her godfathers are in New York. The appointment would probably be all said and done by the time they got here. Cameron's working... I just passed her in the foyer. I'm not sure Marie would even want to leave her with any one so soon." Chase shrugged a little, at a loss of any other immediate option. He met her eyes again. "Or without you. I spoke to him about it, once. He blatantly told me he wouldn't be here without everyone's support. I guess I just don't want to raise any alarms or scare people before I really know anything."

Evie shrugged. "I don't think I was as big a part as Tab. They need each other when they hurt. No one else gets close. I'll always be here for him. Just like now with the sperm thing. He doesn't want to get anyone's hopes up, either. We haven't even really definitely decided." She held his gaze and gave him a small smile. "I'd say call her, but for all we know your cell phone might make matters worse. Too early for lame cancer jokes?"

Chase smirked faintly at her. "Maybe just a little. I don't make a habit of calling people with my testicles, though," he returned and then cleared his throat. "Riley's a fucking strong guy. I'm amazed he's got the confidence to think about kids. It just shows how much you guys have helped. Some people with a diagnosis like that can take years to even just find acceptance in the disease, let alone anything else."

"Do you carry your phone in your pocket?" Evie asked. She crossed her legs over and took a moment to indulge in sitting down. There were days where it felt like she spent the majority of them on her feet. Thank god nurses got to wear comfortable shoes. "Riley's amazing. I still can't believe him sometimes. The best part is he doesn't even know just how strong he is. He thinks he's weak, or not able to handle these things, but then he just finds something inside himself and gets through it. I'm just glad we can try and give him something he's always wanted. He would be such a great father."

"Sometimes. I'm not deluded enough to let myself think that's given me cancer, though. I'm too medically-minded and I have a speciality in Diagnostic Medicine. That's too easy," Chase murmured. Not to mention the fact some things just had no explanation. "What about you? Have you always wanted it? It's a massive and stressful step to take. Even for people without fertility issues."

Evie rolled her eyes lightly as she smiled. "You doctors from Diagnostics. I had Kutner in here the other day trying to tell me that a patient's cancer wasn't cancer, but some rare tropical acne, or something. Fuck, I can't even remember. He rambled something unreal. I don't remember you being so annoying." Evie nodded as she looked down at her hands as she rest them in her lap. "Yeah, I think I have. I just never met a guy that made me feel ready for it. Do you regret taking the step?"

Chase just smirked. "I usually sided with House. When I didn't, I looked for the other options myself. When you're siding with House, there isn't a lot of reason to harrass other medical departments, only patients or their family. We were usually busy digging around in dumpsters or stealing body fibres from locked homes. The new team doesn't seem to do much of that anymore." He shook his head. "Not at all. I was much the same as you. Hadn't met anyone to make me feel remotely ready, but it was different with Marie. We had a bit of trouble getting pregnant, though, and it was our second attempt, so we never took it for granted."

"I'm not sure what to make of them. I suppose I got used to seeing you, Cameron, and Dr Foreman doing his dirty work." Evie smiled. "Who would have thought it, huh? You and me married with kids. Clearly not to each other," she added with a laugh. "I thought we were the last of the frisky singles, then you went and found Marie, and I found Riley."

"Actually, I thought Pat was the last and then he stunned me by going and getting snapped up by some Playgirl centrefold looking guy. Some days I feel like I have my head up my arse. I seem to blink and miss all the good gossip these days. That's what getting locked in the OR for hours on end does to you." Somewhere along in the conversation, Chase had hunched over, shoulders slumped, and hugged himself around his stomach. It seemed like a comfortable and safe posture because he hadn't looked at his watch once. "Ironically, we've all had to go through shit to actually get to where we are. Seems it hasn't stopped even now."

"Pat's very lucky, but I adore my nerdy beau just fine. Riley's like no other man I've known." She rest her chin in her hand as she turned to look at Chase. "Well, just say the word and I'm happy to put together gossip bulletins for you. I'll leave them in your locker so you don't feel left out." Evie shifted, and patted her hand against his back. She couldn't imagine he'd be comfortable in any position with this hanging over his head. "No, it hasn't. For any of us. We had enough of a break to give us strength to get through the next part. The good thing is we're not alone."

Chase nodded slowly. "It's nice to see everyone happy. I've just got a soft spot for Pat... I was one of his doctors way back when he first got sick with brain haemorrhage. We thought he had everything from cancer to a spider bite. He never thought he'd find someone who would want to bare the burden of taking care of him. Something in the male psyche seems to make us do stupid things like try to push people away to protect them. Lachlan did it when he found out he was infertile. He told Tara he didn't love her so she would walk away and broke both their hearts in the process. Riley tried to do the same when he found out he was Positive. And as awful as it sounds, I'm trying to learn off their mistakes. It would be easy to run away, to hide, to try and deal alone so no one had to suffer for something happening to me." He put his hands over his face as his stomach started to churn with a nausea born of worry and fear. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight something like cancer. This is supposed to be... it's supposed to be our fantastic time."

Evie leaned over so she could drop her voice to a whisper, ensuring no one else around them heard. "Listen to me, if there's one thing I've learned from having to deal with my Mom having cancer, and now Riley with being found Positive, it's that when you're not strong enough the people around you are the ones to give you strength. Your wife was here every single day while you had the coma for as long as they would let her, and even then she asked for more time. She would have slept here if they'd let her. I'd do the same for Riley. We don't care that it's happening to you because when it's someone we love, it's happening to us. You have a family, Dr Chase. You're also in a partnership of marriage. You need to call your wife, or talk to her. Even if it's just to get you through the next five minutes, and the five minutes after that, and the five minutes after that until you've gotten through a whole day, then a week, and so on. I don't believe in new age sensitive bullshit - you know me. But I do believe in this."

Chase nodded as he hovered very close to tears. He couldn't answer at first. Fuck, he had nursed his mother through alcoholism, so he knew what she was saying. He did understand it, but at the same time, he felt exhausted. Even just standing to get to Wilson's office seemed like a feat. That was when Wilson's office door did open and the Head of Oncology appeared and offered a faint smile to Chase and Evie. Chase let out a rough breath and rubbed at his arms, feeling a cold chill creep over his skin. "I-I guess it's my turn," he mumbled.

Evie squeezed his shoulder as she stood up. "Shout if you need anything, okay? I mean it. Even if it's to drive you home, or something. Don't think you have to do this alone." Evie smiled. "I'd say 'good luck', but that's pretty fucking inappropriate right now. Take care, Dr Chase."

Chase stood up too and nodded, but before she walked away, he caught her hand with his hand gave it a small squeeze. "Evie, thanks," he said hoarsely. "Just thanks."

For musebyquotes | 1.14. James C. Dobson quote

2009-03-31T08:30:36Z

1.14. "Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
- James C. Dobson

Co-written with pullmysteth

Riley was nervous. Actually, no. 'Nervous' wasn't even close to what Riley was right then. Physically, it was sort of a cross between feeling a little sick, headachy, and like he had had far too large a caffeine hit with the distinct feeling that he needed a nervous pee. Mentally, the pictures of sperm and wombs on the wall were doing his head in for some unknown reason. He was a damn doctor, for shit's sake! He sat stiffly in the uncomfortable plastic waiting room chair, one of his long legs bouncing anxiously as he looked at his watch for about the fiftieth time since they arrived ten minutes ago. Evie had taken the job of filling their information into the form on the clipboard given to them on their arrival. Riley had tried, but his mind kept wandering beyond the first standard questions like 'Name' and 'Marital status'. He didn't have a hope in hell of succinctly answering 'What is the purpose of your visit today?' in one measly little fucking line. One line!

It probably didn't help that he looked like he had been in a pub brawl. It was just a couple of days after the punch in the face to have the bruises and cut looking all gross and extremely unattractive. He really wished Lachlan had gloves on that night. At least then that Celtic ring he wore on his right hand wouldn't have broken the skin to require suturing. Would they give sperm-washed IVF babies to someone who got into fist fights? Not that it was even a fight, but it looked like it could have been. He shifted and uncrossed his legs, but barely ten seconds later, recrossed them and started bouncing them again. Why the fuck was the doctor so late, anyway? If he was running a private practice, he would be on time every appointment, no matter what. At least, that's what his irrational brain was telling him to justify how fucking scared he was right now. He cleared his throat and folded his arms across his stomach. "Maybe this is a mistake," he said in a whisper, anxious green eyes connecting with Evie's.

Evie rarely felt nervous, but even she had to admit to having butterflies, and a similar need to have a nervous pee. She was glad she hadn't drunk anything while waiting, worried that if she ever did get into the doctor's office she'd have to get right back up to run to the toilet, or sit there and wet herself. She covered Riley's hand with hers, and pushed her fingers between his as she rest her chin on his shoulder. "It's going to be fine, sexy. I'd offer to give you a calming hand-job, but I'm not sure the other people waiting would appreciate the free show."

"What if they want my sperm now? Do you think they will? Do you think they have special cups for HIV sperm? Do you think when they wash it, it loses it's eagerness to swim? You know, like sitting in a spa and then someone telling you that you have to swim the English Channel in nothing but Speedos?" Riley cleared his throat and shifted restlessly in the chair. "Why do they have pictures of babies on the wall of a fertility clinic? Isn't that like mocking you to fail? What if you do fail? Won't the happy little drooling babies really shit you?"

Evie sat up and stretched in her chair to capture Riley's mouth in a kiss as she smiled against his lips. "Some days I'm amazed you get anything done with everything that goes through your head. I think if the sperm lost its eagerness to swim, then they wouldn't be doing this. Can't make money off something with no results. Or at least proof of results. I do agree that the pictures are rather mocking and just rub salt into the wound, though."

"Yeah," Riley agreed, wringing his hands in front of him. His eyes were on the baby pictures, though and he frowned. "Do you think any of them had a Dad with HIV?" he asked quietly.

Evie looked at the pictures and tried to look past the overabundance of cuteness. At least they weren't in flower pots. "Well, I think maybe that one in the middle did. Looks more like a cherished kid, then just well fed."

Riley looked at the baby in the middle with a head full of dark hair. "None of those kids have anything in cuteness compared to RJ," he decided and it wasn't even biased. He put his hand up to his mouth and chewed his thumb nail. He realised his hands were shaking he was that nervous. "Jesus..." he murmured softly.

"Agreed," Evie replied quietly. Her eyes were back on Riley as she watched her fiancé. "You know that this won't change anything, right? If we get knocked back for whatever reason, I'm still going to marry you. I'll still love you. I will still spend the rest of my life with you."

Riley had a whole night of babysitting his godson ahead of him. He figured it had been a miracle getting Lachlan to even agree to the night away with his wife. At least he had something to focus on after the appointment. He feared he might go crazy if he didn't. "Yeah, I just... I'm not doubting you, Evie. I promise. I know we're pretty strong in that sense. It's not even the possibility of them telling me it can't work for me that's bothering me. It's if they tell me that we can try, then go on about the risks, and then we're sitting there with the decision. The actual decision, not the what ifs."

"Oh." Evie rest the side of her head on his shoulder, and stroked her free hand up and down his arm. He might have had a point there. Evie hadn't actually considered that when it came time to actually make the decision it could be hard. She'd just assumed that talking about it meant they'd say yes. What if they didn't? What if all the risks made them want to back out? Or what if they said yes? They'd actually be trying, and not just thinking about trying. "Will we want to think about it? We wouldn't wouldn't we? Or do we have to make a decision today?"

Riley shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't even think normal IVF clinics hold you to anything until the actual implantation occurs." He brushed his fingers through his hair. "I mean, it's going to take time. It's at least three weeks to a month just to get your body ready to take an IVF attempt. Before even that, they'll take sperm to test it, check my count, stuff like that. Then after that, take more sperm for the procedure and take your eggs, about a week for the washing and fertilisation process, then the implantation will take a day, then after that, a waiting game to see if it took. If it didn't, we start all over again..." He looked down at his shoes with a sigh. "Even if we said yes today, you probably won't even know you're pregnant for another two months, and that's without any hitches."

"Gives us time to have the wedding, and get settled," Evie pointed out. "None of this is bad, sweetheart. I mean, yeah, it's going to take time and patience, but we're not in a rush, are we? We're going to be ready two months from now, same as we are today. If we say yes. And if we don't, then it's still not going to change much. We'll still be us. You can continue to dote on RJ. Who knows, maybe Tab will pop out a couple of nieces and nephews for you."

Riley gave a small laugh. "Yeah... no. At least not any time soon. She's about as ready to have kids as I am to take the stage and give a rock concert," he said. "I had a patient a couple of weeks back who was this really successful business woman. Totally independent, worked really hard to get what she wanted, and I just told her she was pregnant. Of course, it wasn't in her plans or anything. I thought if I found myself in a position being a doctor to someone who could just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat, I'd be envious. But I... it wasn't like that. She was fucking petrified and so sure she was going to suck as a mother. I just felt really sympathetic for her. I guess I just realised that where people like us and Tara and Lachlan who have to go through hell for something as simple as getting pregnant, other people are going through hell trying to prevent it because they fear it so much. We fear not being able to, some fear it actually happening to them."

"Sometimes I wonder what I would have done if I'd ever found out I was pregnant from some one night stand. I think it's true some people are scared about getting pregnant. I just think those are the people that don't expect it, or don't plan for it like that businesswoman. I think if it was me, and you... and you didn't have HIV, I would have welcomed an accident. I want a kid we made, Riley. I really do, I can't deny that. And if this is going to give us that, then I say we go for it. I don't know if we should limit ourselves to a certain number of tries, but I do think that when it starts getting too much of a strain then we stop. When the disappointments start outnumbering the reasons why, we just stop."

Riley nodded and let out a slow breath. "Yeah," he conceded softly. "Yeah, you're right. Plus, it's... it's a lot of money. If we try too hard, we just might not have the money we need down the track if, god forbid, I actually get sicker with this. It's not something we can ever totally ignore." He took her hands and gripped them firmly, holding her gaze. "I wish it could be easier for you. I just need you to know that. I wish you could have everything you want without any of the pain."

"I know you do, sexy. And I love you for it, I really do, but if taking the pain means having you, then I don't care." She leaned forward to give him another kiss. "I wish things could be different for you, and I really wish you didn't beat yourself up so much sometimes. I know it might get harder, but I still don't care. We're going to be taking vows soon, and I do believe in the whole rich or poor, better or worse schtick. I'll be by your side no matter what because we're in this together."

"It's still okay to be bursting for a nervous pee right now, though, yeah?" Riley joked and rested his head against hers. "I don't know if I'll ever stop worrying. Maybe that's the whole point of wanting to be a parent? Something to put the energy into?"

"Yeah, it's still okay. That's why I'm not drinking any coffee in case I wet myself," she admitted with a laugh. "Of course it takes energy, something we create should. Plus then you have the body changing, well, mine. And birth, and crying, and nappies, and sleepless nights. It's all energy. But it's worth it."

Riley nodded. "Yeah, none of that seems to bother me, oddly enough. My own thoughts exhaust me more in an hour than a whole night babysitting RJ. I look at Lachlan who has turned out to be a really finicky and focused father and wonder if I'm going to be as anal and irritating as all fuck," he laughed. "If someone like Lachlan can check his son's diaper for a wet one five times in half an hour, what am I going to be like?"

Evie smirked and lifted his hand to her mouth to kiss it. "You're going to be perfect, that's what. I think you'll find that when you have our kid put in your arms, you'll just stop worrying. At least for five minutes. I still can't believe that Lachlan really is such a finicky and focused father. Paranoid might be another word, but I suppose he's justified."

"Can you really be paranoid when you have reason to worry, though?" Riley asked, wondering the same question himself since the whole IVF sperm thing had been an issue with them. "I'll think he'll probably end up being a really cool dad for the sole reason he is finicky, you know? RJ's going to always know his Dad is there watching out for him. They'll be close. That's not something you can Google and learn."

"Neither's having a godfather that thinks the world of you," Evie pointed out with a smile. She loved watching the two Rileys more than she might ever admit. "I can almost imagine what the two of them will be like when RJ's older. Think he'll have his father's wild streak?"

Riley laughed. "I don't know. I can't help but wonder when I watch them together, but he's his mother's son, too. I think he'll be a lot like Tara as well, plus she likely wouldn't let him get up to ninety percent of what Lachlan used to," he said with a smirk. "The boy was wild, but not dangerously so. He pushed the envelope just enough to keep it real and fun. But then, look at Tab and me. Neither of us are anything like either of our parents. Of course, we didn't have a lot of kid-parental interaction. We just influenced each other."

Evie lifted her head to look at Riley, a smirk on her lips. "You really did, didn't you? I can see it in both of you. Sometimes you're more like each other than you could ever realise. I think it's very special what you have. I know we're going to have just one kid, but I would have given anything for them to know a bond like that."

"I guess it can be annoying sometimes," Riley conceded, laughing. "Like when she's screaming through the bathroom door at me. I'd like the bond a bit more lax at those times. At least we know they'll have RJ to be friends with. A lot of our bunch are only kids and turned out brilliantly."

"Like me," Evie said with a grin before laughing. "I think I turned out pretty fucking good. They will definitely have RJ to be friends with. It'll be awesome."

Riley smiled with a small laugh. "It almost seems like a dream," he said softly. "I don't know if I'll ever believe it until it's actually happening."

"Me either. Until then I say we just try and take each step as it comes. We're never going to get it all happening at once. It can't." Evie gave him a warm smile as she caressed his cheek. "That's one benefit of this. We won't suddenly be launched into it."

"I have enough time to pee myself and maybe throw up a little," Riley agreed, smirking. "I don't know if I'll ever stop being nervous."

"I don't think we should stop. If we stop, we might wind up taking it all for granted."

Riley just nodded silently. There wasn't really much else they could do but wait and be nervous anyway.

Words: 2608 | All muses referenced with permission

For muse_shuffle | March Disc Two

2009-03-23T08:35:40Z

14. I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin’ old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
[‘Grow Old With You’ – Adam Sandler]

Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS

Riley blindly grabbed any packet of frozen vegetables from the freezer his hand connected with and wrapped a handtowel around it with a small groan of pain. He shuffled over to the kitchen table and eased himself into the closest chair. Holy fuck, what a headache he had. He gently pressed the psuedo coldpack to his eye, whimpering at the coldness of it against the bruises. He had tried to sleep, but the whole side of his head was throbbing and making it impossible. Not to mention the fact he was now more worried than ever about his best friend. He kept the icepack to his face and picked up the two painkillers off the table he had laying in wait beside a glass of water and swallowed them down. He tried to peer at the clock to see the time, but it was blurry without his glasses or contacts, so he gave up. Either way, Evie should be home soon.

Evie's hair was still a mess, and she'd managed to put her t-shirt on inside out. Once word had reached her that Lachlan had punched Riley, she'd barely been able to wait until the end of her shift to get home. Hence the rushing in getting changed and not bothering to clean up much. She let herself into their house and dropped her bag on the floor, started to look around for Riley. The kitchen light was on, so she made a beeline there and let out a sigh of relief as she saw him.

"Oh, thank fuck... Are you okay? Is Lachlan okay? What happened?" She came up to him, fingers skating over the good side of his face as she looked down at him with the pseudo coldpack pressed to his face. "Do you remember who I am?" she asked, a small smirk on her lips. It really wasn't nice to tease the injured, but she couldn't help it.

"It's fine, I'm fine," Riley assured her hoarsely, looking up at her with his good eye. "He's just got a really fucking good right hook. I've never been on the receiving end of it before. I frightened him. It's my own fault. I should've put a bit more forethought into it on account of how he's been acting lately. I just didn't want to startle him but went on and did just that," he said wryly. "One thing I can be safe in the knowledge of is that my godson is never going to get picked on."

Evie shifted a chair so she could sit close to him, and leaned in to kiss his uncovered cheek. "My poor baby... let me have a look?" She kept her hand on his shoulder and gave a small shake of her head. "I don't understand what's gotten into him. Even Tara doesn't. She's just tired and confused, and can't work out why her husband won't look at her, or anyone."

Riley carefully peeled the pack away to reveal the bruising, sutures and really swollen eye. "He was outside at the place where he got shot. I don't know how long he had been there but I was on my way out for a smoke when I saw him. He was crying. Not just a little bit, either. I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention and he was so freaked out he just swung and hit me. He didn't know it was me. It was just the place. He was shit scared. He panicked when he realised what he'd done, but thought quick enough to get some gloves from my pocket. I tried to ask him why he was crying, but he looked away again. Wouldn't tell me, so I didn't push it. Something's really upset him and I think it's something that happened the night Tara got drunk." He tentatively touched his cheek and winced.

Evie was looking at him, and wet her lips as she pushed back her hair from her face, the blonde locks getting in her eyes since she hadn't fixed up her ponytail. "It's wrong that I find you incredibly sexy right now, isn't it? And that I'm thinking about riding you on the kitchen table..." She got up to get them both a glass of water and came to sit back down. "She can't even remember that night, so it's not going to be something she'd aware of. Lachlan was the sober one, and now he's got a memory of something Tara can't apologise for until she knows."

"Yes, yes it probably is," Riley laughed softly. "It'll have to stay a fantasy. I'm supposed to be resting." He took a small sip of the water and put the ice pack against his face. "I just can't even think what she's done to get him to this point. He knows as well as anything what stupid things people can do when they're drunk. Hell, he knows Tara. But it's something that's drawn him right back to that place for some reason. He was really upset. I haven't seen him like that in ages."

Evie grinned, and gave a little nod to show that she agreed. Definitely something that would stay a fantasy. At least until he was better. "It has to be something connected to the incident if that's where he's been drawn to... You don't think she said something about him being shot? Maybe she got upset all over again about nearly losing him."

Riley nodded. "Yeah, I guess that would make sense. It's just weird. He usually avoids that place like the plague. I've only really known him to walk by it maybe once since I started working at PPTH. I just can't shake the sense he's ashamed or guilty or embarrassed about something. The way he averts his eyes and avoids eye contact. It's not like him. As long as I've known him, he maintains contact with you through his eyes without fail. It's why he'll make a good counsellor." He scrunched his nose up a little, testing the waters with just how far the pain went. "I asked Tara and she's just as in the dark as the rest of us. To top it all off, Riley's reacting to the tension and won't settle."

Evie settled back in her chair and crossed her legs over, but she placed her hand over Riley's. "It's... it wouldn't be anything to do with Riley, would it? The only thing I've ever known Lachlan to be ashamed of is the fatherhood thing. Even then, it didn't last long. Not when he knew he had given Tara Riley."

"And the scarring," Riley murmured in thought. "He won't let anyone see the scars. But he did give her Riley. I didn't think it was an issue anymore. They were always so ecstatic he was on the way and then they've been top class parents since he arrived. They've been happy. Maybe the first time they've been unconditionally happy since he was hurt. I think that's why he's throwing us all. It's almost like he's gotten bad news. The chick that shot him hasn't been released or anything, has she?"

Evie shook her head. "No, definitely not. We'd have known. It would have been all over the news and PPTH. You know that place can't keep gossip from spreading." She used her free hand to pick up her glass and take a sip of water. "I don't know what it is. I guess none of us will until Lachlan chooses to say something. I just can't understand what would have changed during one night."

"Especially considering she was blinded," Riley added, adjusting the ice pack against his cheek. "Which reminds me, and I don't know why it reminds me... probably because Lachlan smashed my brain into oblivion and everything is all jumbled up now. But Tab wants the twin wedding thing, maybe late April. Luke has already asked his cousin to be Best Man, only, he'll be a Best Man with crutches."

Evie drew her eyebrows together as she looked at her fiance, just a little impressed with his ability to randomly make connections between topics. "Well, that's okay with me. Luke's allowed to have the Best Man he wants. Not like we're keeping things so traditional there can't be crutches. So I guess we're really getting married, huh?" There was a pause as she let the idea set in before a huge grin appeared on her face. "I'm going to be Mrs Browne."

Riley nodded. "Yeah, that's what I told him, so he started going on about mung beans and tomato sauce. His cousin's vegetarian, but so is Pat. Probably others that we aren't sure about, so I guess that's something we need to think about? Plus a venue, you know? It's not that far away. What if we can't get something booked? It seems like there's a whole lot we need to think about and it just makes my head hurt." He smirked at her. "Are you really?" he teased.

"There's plenty of decent vegetarian food that doesn't involve mung beans and tomato sauce. Although your sister might die if she's surrounded by nothing but vegetables. We'll need to organise our dresses, too. And all the suits. We could always have a wedding in the back garden like Rogue and Chase, or even use theirs. Alternatively we try and find something that's free, but we might be pushing our luck. Most places prefer advanced bookings." Evie stretched her legs out and rest her feet in Riley's lap. "Well, I'm not marrying anyone else at the end of April, are you?"

Riley had started out listening closely but by the time her wedding musing came to an end, he was just looking at her in bewilderment trying to file it all away in his aching head. "Can I make my Best Man do all my work?" he asked. "Even if I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing? Just ignore the fact he was clueless to his own wedding."

"Or the fact he's going through something right now?" Evie asked him quietly. "But yeah, you can do that if you want. Are we going to at least choose our rings together?"

Riley frowned. "I was just joking."

Evie's eyebrows went up before she looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry. Hard to tell when I only have one eye to work off. Plus I might still be stuck in my little fantasy. You were very good, by the way."

"I know he's going through something, which is why I'm going to tell him to just turn up on the day and look pretty. Pat's offered to help and I think we should take him up on it. He knows his design shit. We have our own personal Queer Eye there and even in the short time, I think he could help us really make it special. We're just on a stop watch and that's okay. We don't need all the bells and whistles. We just need to know that we're sure we want to do it that quick and I'm sure," Riley insisted.

"I'm sure too," Evie assured him, and rubbed her feet up and down his thighs. "I want to be Mrs Browne, and I want us to do this. It's just a bonus that you get to do it with your sister. I think Pat would be a great help. We should definitely exploit him."

Riley took another small sip of his water and set the glass down, his thumb brushing off some of the condensation. "It's surreal. Weird, even. I always hoped she would find someone she wanted to marry, but I didn't expect it to happen now or simultaneous to me. She's marrying into a huge, rich family too," he said with a small laugh. "What more could a brother want for his sister?"

"Kids?" Evie asked with a soft laugh. "I don't think she's actually grasped that she is marrying into a huge, rich family. It's like she knows, but it doesn't quite seem to factor into it. She's marrying Luke, because he's Luke. No other reason."

"Luke doesn't live with his money much. It's there, but you wouldn't pick him as rich. It's why he works with Tab. It's not a factor for him, either. But it's comforting to know they would have money if ever something went wrong, god forbid. I mean, things can change in the blink of an eye. Look at Riley. It's not going to be cheap having an ill child, but they have the compensation money, so it will be okay. Some people aren't so fortunate." Riley smirked. "Tab isn't ready for kids. Actually, I don't think Luke is either. Maybe they never will be."

Evie nodded. "And it would definitely ease your mind. And maybe you're right, but I'm pretty sure she's ready to dote on your kids. Our kids. And Riley. She's a pretty cool aunt."

Riley sniggered. "She's better with Riley than she can see. I don't think she expected a little ball of flesh his size to actually react to her. But he does. He smiles at her and grabs her fingers. It's hard to keep being suspicious of him when he's letting her know at every turn he's a little person and not a flesh-eating virus."

Evie laughed again as she pulled her hair tie out and let her hair fall down around her shoulders. "I think it's the smiling that keeps getting her defences down. You can see that she doesn't want to like it, but she does. And she always smiles back. I think she'll be fascinated with him when he's older and they can interact a bit more."

"The curiosity is there in him. She just doesn't realise how much like him she was when she was younger. It must be a musician thing. Considering he's been sick since he was born and is still taking in what he does, it's pretty amazing. But then, I think it comes down to how much time you spend with them as a parent. The more you feed them, the more they will learn. The more people that are around them, the more social they'll be. Some parents just have kids to carry around like a trendy iPod but can't be arsed with them when push comes to shove. It's fucked up," Riley said with snort. "Then you've got the sort that think they'll suck as parents and their lives won't fit a baby, but suddenly they find themselves facing the prospect and you can just see they'll be okay..."

Evie shifted and leaned forward as she rest her hands on his legs and looked into his good eye. "We'll be okay, sexy. I know we will. We're always going to be a bit scared, but we're ready. And we'll love them."

Riley smiled at her. "Him or her," he had to correct softly. "I don't think I'll have the energy to try this more than once. I read the information booklets and already get nervous. If it works once, I'll have everything I've always wanted."

"'Them' sounded better than 'it'," Evie responded with a smile. "I don't think I'll have the energy to watch you try this more than once, so I'll be happy with a him, or her. And I'll have everything I ever wanted, too." She took his hand in hers and pressed a kiss to his palm as she grinned. "I really am glad you threw pee on me, Riley Browne."

Riley leaned in and kissed her softly, despite the cold pack between them. "I'm really glad I had pee to throw on you," he said back with a smile. "Almost Mrs Browne."

Words: 2627 | All muses referenced with permission

For muses_w_remotes | 11.7 Groundhog Day Quote

2009-03-07T01:23:08Z

11.7. "I do. Whatever happens tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, I'm happy now... because I love you."
| Groundhog Day

Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS and THIS

Evie twirled some pasta around her fork and smiled at Riley as she slipped it into her mouth. She couldn't remember the last time the two of them had gone on a romantic date. Theses days it seemed they either stayed in and got frisky, or went out to parties with the rest of the group. Which wasn't really a problem, but it was nice to have something that was just for them. And also an excuse to put on the new sexy black dress she'd bought while shopping with Tara.

Her feet were linked with Riley's under the table and she smiled again. That was the beneift of a fiance with long legs. She didn't need to sink low in her chair to get to touch him. "Tab's right, you really do have a Chewing Face."

Riley paused with his fork nearly to his mouth and blinked. "A what face? How many faces do I have? Because I was so under the obviously wrong delusion I was only born with one," he laughed. "Even Lachlan told me today that I have 'that look' on my face, but he didn't tell me what one." He put the fork into his mouth, so far having enjoyed every single mouthful of his cannelloni. The pills were well on their way in his system these days. There were less and less times he woke up feeling like crap.

Evie smirked as she licked some excess sauce off her lips. "If you believe your sister, I'm pretty sure you have at least two hundred faces. It's pretty amazing that she can name every expression that crosses your face. Me? I just like watching your face because it's so adorable, and cute," Evie finished with a laugh. "I do like it a lot when you smile though, especially for extended periods of time."

Riley then just did what he did best - promptly blushed and shook his head. "No..." he prostested bashfully, not even sure what he was objecting to. All the compliments, most likely. He stabbed at his meal and then glanced up at her with an embarrassed laugh. "Did you have a good day with Tara?" he asked.

Evie winked at him and rubbed the side of her leg against his affectionately. "Stop blushing, or I might take you right here and now. You know what you being all shy does to me." She watched him, still not sure it was possible to love him any more than she did, but her heart skipped a beat every time he did the blushing thing. "I had a very expensive, but good time. You'll no doubt reap the benefits of my little spree, though. Did you enjoy your time with Lachlan and his Mini Me?"

"I did..." Riley confirmed with a smile. "Riley was brilliant. That kid could win a baby contest, I swear. I'm totally not biased, either. He smiles like you wouldn't believe now and grabs at everything. That's definitely his father's son. I would be lying if I didn't say I was curious about why Lachlan and Tab were going to be meeting up, though. Neither told me much at all." He paused to take a small sip of his wine. "Today got me thinking. A lot."

"The only thing I can think of is music, unless they're planning something diabolical for you," Evie suggested as before eating another forkful of her meal. "Riley is definitely a very pretty baby. Can you blame him though with those genes? Any kid produced by Tara and Lachlan was made to be fucking gorgeous. It's disgusting, really. Thinking about what?"

Riley frowned a little. "Should I be scared?" he asked. "I haven't been acting weird lately, have I? I mean, I know Lachlan helped Tab a lot when I was being all odd after the needlestick." He was smiling again and nodded. "I love spending time with him. Even when he's screaming, I don't mind it. He's actually been the reason I haven't really stopped thinking in weeks. Kids... I was thinking about kids."

She gave a shake of her head as she reached across to cover his hand with hers. "No, sweetheart. If any two people in the world want to do only what's best for you, it's Tab and Lachlan. Well, if you don't count me. I'm sure if it is something to do with you, it's only because they love you." Her fingers gripped his hand a bit tighter as Evie stopped the surprise from showing on her face. Kids had actually been something she hadn't expected Riley to bring up, even with all the time he was spending with Lachlan and RJ. "What about kids?"

Riley pulled his lower lip in between his teeth. It wasn't a nervous gesture, more just one that indicated the obvious discontent there. It was lessening, though. He didn't feel so much like he had been punched in the gut when he thought about having kids anymore. "How much I want them," he admitted. "Or even just one."

Evie changed her grip on his hand so her fingers slid between his. "I would really love a kid, too. Even a couple, but I know the risk to you. To me. I don't want to push our luck if we can just get one kid."

"That's mostly what I spent my time with Lachlan today doing. Talking about it, thinking about it, listening to his take on things." Riley curled his fingers in with hers. "How do you feel about it all? I mean, how do you feel about the possibility you could, even with a slight risk, come out with HIV?"

Evie let out a sigh. "There's also the risk I'll come out with breast cancer because my mother had it. I still love my breasts, I still want my breasts." She shrugged. "When you get right down to it, everything contains a risk. If I do wind up with HIV I'll deal with it, just like I deal with everything else. Like we've dealt with everything else," she corrected as she looked at him. "You do understand that if it does happen that I will never hate you for it, right? I would never blame you for it."

Riley let out a slow breath. "And you understand if I infect you, you could infect the foetus," he told her quietly. "How would you feel about that?" Lachlan was right; it was time they started to discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of this before any decisions were even made one way or the other.

Evie dropped her head down as she used her free hand to push her hair back from her face. "I'd feel awful," she admitted. "I want a kid, I want our kid, but... I don't know. How long would they even live?"

Riley put his fork down as a small niggle made itself known in his gut. "I really don't know. It's hard enough on an adult body. But there would be hope. I just don't know if I could live with myself," he murmured.

She gave a nod as she looked across the table again at her fiancé. "So we're kind of damned if we do, and damned if we don't, aren't we? If we take the risk we won't know if the baby's safe or not for a while... and if we don't, then we'll just always have this giant yearning for a family. It'll become the elephant in the room that we don't talk about because it hurts too much. I don't want that, Riley."

Riley lowered his eyes. He had to fight not to give into tears again. No one ever said any of this was going to be easy. In fact, since the needlestick, people had told him it would all be very hard. "Lachlan told me today that Riley might end up with diabetes like Tara. That alone makes something hurt inside. But is it worth the risk? It's low risk, but it's a known risk and it's a prominent one. What do we do?" he asked her, looking up to meet her eyes again.

Evie didn't bother with checking to see if the other patrons were watching. As far as she was concerned, right now she and Riley were in this moment alone, locked up in their own private bubble. She shifted her chair so she was next to Riley and slipped her arms around him as she kissed his cheek. "We go and talk to a doctor together, and we find out as much as we can about the procedure and the risk... then we talk again, and work out if we do it. Right now, I want to say let's just stop fucking thinking, and start doing... but I know you. This is one impulsive decision you can't make without the information."

Riley shook his head. "I need to understand it in my own head before I can expect anyone else to try and understand it. It'll come with stigmas and all that shit. Plus, it's expensive. About Ten thousand for the sperm washing alone before we even get to the IVF... per attempt."

Evie kissed his temple before she rest her chin on his shoulder. "It'd be a worthy investment, sexy. Even if I don't get to make a baby with you the old fashion way, I still know we'd make a pretty fucking awesome little kid. It'll be crazy good looking, and super smart."

"I just... every time I spend time with Riley, something inside me just turns over and I can't stop all the what-ifs. To have Tara and Lachlan even entrust me with him in any capacity is huge. Makes me feel less like a leper and more like I can maybe do it, you know? Not that anyone close to me makes me feel like a leper. I'm just always super-aware and super-conscious of everything. Then when he smiles at me..." He stopped, shaking his head fondly. "We were watching him this afternoon and when he smiled, Lachlan just looked at me with a grin and said he made that. I want to know what that feels like."

"And I want to give that to you more than anything..." Evie grabbed his face in her hands and turned his head so he was looking at her. "I want to create a baby with you, Riley Browne. I don't care if it means sperm washing and IVF. I even want the fucking morning sickness because I know that I'll be carrying our kid."

Riley just laughed softly, shaking his head. "Knowing my luck, I'll go out in sympathy for you," he predicted. He scratched his head. "They do the fertilisation process then check the embryo for the HIV. I mean, there's been loads of success stories and all that... Some people must think it's well worth it, you know?"

"That's because you love me so much." Evie nodded as she bit her lip and leaned in, her face close to his, her hands still holding the sides of his face. "Yeah, I know. Because I think it is. We at least owe it to ourselves to go talk to someone."

"Yeah," he agreed softly. "We'll have to go to New York for that. That's the closest clinic that offers it. It's going to be very invasive, very stressful... maybe even very disappointing. I think we just need to be prepared for anything."

"We will be, and we'll have each other." Evie kissed his mouth softly and smiled. "You have to realise by now that you and me are a pretty strong combination."

Riley nodded with a smile. "Yeah, we are," he agreed. "Hopefully we can find more of that to get through this."

"I know we can," Evie told him confidently before she picked up his fork and stole a bite of his cannelloni.

Evie Miller and Riley Browne
House, M.D. OCs
Words: 1992

All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

For muses_w_remotes - 10.10 Man Who Sued God quote

2009-02-16T10:15:52Z

"Oh yes, it's been a brilliant day all round. Why don't you have a look at my prostate while you've got the bone nibblers handy."
| Man Who Sued God

[Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]

Riley felt his way blindly down the stairs of the house, his eyes closed against the bright lights. He cracked one eye open just a little to make sure he was at the bottom of the stairs and then clamped them shut again. "Oh... god..." he groaned, arm out to reach for the wall across from him. He walked slowly and stiffly up the hall towards the kitchen, feeling his way so he wouldn't have to use his eyes or his aching head. He bumped into a wall unit he so did not remember owning and cursed when a bolt of pain shot through his big toe. He couldn't even remember the last time he was this hungover. Beer did it to him every time.

Evie rushed out of the kitchen, a piece of toast clamped between her teeth so she could get her hands on Riley and guide him safely. When she had him sitting down, she took the toast out of her mouth and looked down at his toe. "You okay there, sexy? You and Tab really know how to make a night of it, don't you?"

Riley slowly put his hand up to his pounding head. "I... don't remember," he admitted with a sheepish groan. "I don't even know what time it is. Thank god it's my day off. God help me if they call me in. There has to be a better form of blowing off steam." He made a soft moaning sound. His eyes felt like they were full of sand and his head felt like it had been slammed into a large brick wall. "I'm never drinking again."

Evie gently shifted him so that Riley's head could rest against the table. She pressed a kiss to his temple and stroked her hand up and down his back. "Somehow I don't think you'll keep that promise, but I admire you for making it. You look like total shit, so if anyone tries to call you in, I'll tell them to fuck off. Why did you even need to blow off steam? I didn't even get to ask before I got this message from Luke telling me not to come home so you and your sister could be alone."

Riley clamped his mouth shut as he fought another urge to hurl. He swallowed and wet his lips, opening his bloodshot eyes just a little so he could see her. "My Dad," he told her. "My Dad happened. Right on my doorstep."

"Fuck..." Evie moved away long enough to get a mixing bowl out of the cupboard for Riley to hold if he did want to puke. She touched her fingers to his hair, gently combing them through his curls. "Are you okay? Is Tab okay? Do I need to kill anyone?"

Riley tucked his hand safely around the mixing bowl. "He left my Mum. Like, really left her. He's filing for divorce. I don't think Tab and I really knew how to take it. I know I didn't know whether to be angry or relieved or hurt or pissed off that he didn't do it sooner. He got me right after my shift and I was knackered. He didn't stay long. Told me to call him after I processed it all or something. Getting drunk seemed like a good idea at the time. Tab was just mostly pissed off at Mum because she had spoken to her on the phone."

Evie sat down on the chair beside Riley, her toast forgotten as she focused on her fiance. "Oh, sweetheart... Can't say I blame you for getting drunk. That's quite the mental mind fuck. From what I know from both of you your mother leaves a lot to be desired, and your father never seemed to be able to stand up against her..." Evie wrapped her arms around Riley's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "It also seems as if your father's done something rather huge for both of you."

"Yeah, I know. And at the time I told him it would be alright. I was just so damn angry," Riley told her, rubbing his eyes slowly. "Angry at what he missed, angry that he waited so long to do something, angry that I had to try and fill in all the gaps. Angry that I haven't had my Dad to go to for years. But I was tired and resolute, I suppose is the word. It was like I had a sense of 'I'll believe it when I see it'. It's just been Tab and me for so long, we just looked after each other because we knew we were going to get very little from our folks. But I remember pieces of him being great and caring. I just didn't know what to think. I don't even know if I could be close to him if I tried."

"It's never going to happen instantly," Evie replied quietly. "I've had my Dad my whole life, and we're not really close still. He's trying to change, but it just takes time. When you get cut like this, and damaged like this, nothing is ever going to take it away instantly. You don't need to suddenly be able to deal with it all. You just need to deal with a little bit at a time, and he has to understand that, too. He has missed a lot, and he can't just expect to come in and know what the hell's going on. You and Tab are just going to have to take baby steps with this."

Riley closed his eyes again, trying to get them to stop stinging. "Yeah, but the thing is, I asked him to do this. Or told him, more or less. When I saw him in New York and confronted him, I told him I was done with our Mum's shit and I would only have anything more to do with him if he left her. But I was angry then, too. And it wasn't that long after my diagnosis. I was just over it. She was favouring the notion that I was HIV from a shared needle and hence a druggie. I was sick because I was a druggie, not vice versa, as it may be. If I had to be totally honest though, I've always wanted my Dad around. Some of my earliest memories are sitting on his lap or playing cricket in the yard with him."

Evie smiled as she brushed kisses against the back of his neck, and worked her fingers through his curls. "I would love for you to have your father, Riley. It would make me happy seeing you happy and with a proper father in your life, but you can't rush it. I don't see anything wrong with the ultimatum you gave him, but you still have to get to know each other again. It's like seeing someone after they've been away for years. I don't know that you had the awkwardness with Tab, but it happens. You don't see anyone for a long time and sometimes it's like you were never apart, and other times it's like you have to get to know them all over again. Your father might fall into the latter. Maybe you can't sit in his lap anymore, but you can hug him. You can talk to him."

Riley shook his head. "Tab and I were never awkward. We were... always were... really close. No matter what." He smirked a little. "I'd probably break his lap. I got my height from my Granddad, not my Dad. I'm just... I'm really scared he's going to hate me now."

Evie frowned, and dropped her head to look at his face. "Why would you think he's going to hate you? You're one of the best men I've ever known. The best man."

"Because he doesn't know me. I might not be what he expected me to be when I was a kid. I might be nothing like he thinks I am." Riley rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Plus the whole HIV thing... I'm really not the person I used to be. I know that changed me a lot. I realised that abruptly yesterday when I was blurting out to him that I was petrified of the ER and might not go back to Emergency Medicine. It's the first time I've said that out loud."

She licked her lips and caught his hand in hers so she could pull it away from his face as she rest her head on the table next to Riley's and looked at him. "Listen to me, Riley Browne. I've known you since the needlestick, and let me tell you something... you're an amazing guy. I don't tell you that because I have to as your fiancee. I don't tell you that because I love you. I tell you that because it's true. You have so many people around you willing to give you their fucking organs if you told them it would help. Your dad will love you, and he will be proud of you. And if he isn't, then it's his fucking loss. Not yours."

"I told him... about us. Briefly, anyway. He was... he apologised," Riley murmured and shook his head. "The look in his eyes. I just felt guilty I hadn't maybe tried harder to be a better son."

Evie caressed his cheek and pressed her lips together in a gesture that was meant to be a shrug. "Apologised why? Is there something wrong with me? Don't beat yourself up. It was his place to be the father and he failed."

"No, see, that's what Tab asked, too. It wasn't that. I think he was apologising for missing it. For not being there to experience it. It was that, or he was apologising for a lot more. I'm just scared of being disappointed by him again," Riley sighed. He turned his head a little and pressed his temple against the cool surface of the table. "My head feels like my stomach. One big sloshy ball of mess."

Evie traced her finger around the shell of his ear. "Anything I can do?"

"Just staying here would be nice," Riley murmured, closing his eyes again. "With my Dad, I don't really know what the next step is. I have a feeling Tab and I spoke a lot about it last night and probably quite colourfully, but I can't really remember much of what we said."

Evie laughed quietly and kissed Riley's shoulder as she sat up again so she could rub her hand against his back and she could start eating her toast again. "Knowing you two, I'm sure you did come up with multiple schemes. I'm sure once you've recovered you'll think of them again. Although you'll be lucky to see Tab at all today. I think she's locked up with Luke lamenting her existence if the moaning was anything to go by."

"I don't even know what time it is. Or what I came downstairs for," Riley admitted, scrunching his nose up. Even that hurt his head. "Oh, and we're babysitting tonight. I think it's tonight, anyway. What day is it again? Is there no hope I can just forget my Dad even came and try not to think about it?"

"It's ten in the morning, and I don't know either, but I'll get you some water in a moment. I'll worry about ravaging you when you're feeling better." Evie patted his back. "And yes, there is hope. But the question is whether you'd be able to live with yourself if you did that past today."

Riley was silent for a few moments and then he moaned, turning his face back towards the table so his forehead and nose were squished against the surface. "It's not fair. Why do I have to be the one with a conscience?" he complained.

"Because you're amazing, just like I said," Evie told him, her tone unsympathetic. "Deal with it, sexy."

Riley's face remained squished into the table. Compared to his morning, this was actually quite comfortable. "While we're on the D&M thing... how would you feel if I stayed in the ICU permanently?" he asked her.

Evie's eyebrows went up. "I'd be happy so long as it's what you want. If you're comfortable there, you should stay."

"I was offered the permanent job. I just don't know if I want to take it. Everything with Chase was hard-going. But the ER... I don't know if I would ever trust any of the patients and how am I supposed to expect they trust me when I don't trust them?" Riley said quietly. He shifted in his seat to rub his stomach which was starting to get that upset churning feeling in it again.

"Then take the permanent position. You're right about the fear factor. You'll never survive the ER if you're scared of everyone." Evie got up to get Riley a glass of water and set it down in front of him. "Stop stressing about it all, Riley. You don't need to worry. I think it would be the right move."

Riley pulled the glass of water closer, just watching it at first. He was trying to decide it he wanted to brave putting anything in his mouth just yet. "I don' t know if I always like the ICU. My boss even fleetingtly suggested I think about Infectious Diseases, but it would probably be too close to home. I could always train in another speciality altogether. I like the ICU, it just lacks some passion I had in the ER. Plus, it would mean more nights."

Evie let out a sigh and rest her head in her hand as she stared out their kitchen window and considered Riley's predicament. "If you want to give ER another shot, then maybe you should. But you might have to give up a pretty good offer. Or you just stay with things as they are now and consider another specialty when you're ready. I really don't know what to tell you, sexy. I'll support you no matter you decide, you know that. Nothing has to be decided right now, does it?"

"No, I can have the time I need. That was part of the compensation settlement. The hospital had to re-employ me in a position I could cope with," Riley explained. "I just won't know what that is until I find it, I suppose. There hadn't ever been a needlestick injury at PPTH in the past that resulted in a HIV diagnosis. I made history..." He settled back down with his head on the table, falling silent. Why couldn't anything just be easy for once?

Evie Miller & Riley Browne
House, MD (OC)
Words: 2450

All muses referenced with permission

Ha! From Tara...

2009-02-09T10:58:34Z

Riley is my
spicy pearl

Get your sweetheart's pet name @ Quiz Me

For muses_w_remotes - 9.20

2009-01-19T11:27:23Z

9.20. "You don't have a suitcase, and the theme to The Odd Couple isn't playing, so I assume Beth didn't kick you out already."
| Eli Stone

Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS

Talking to Tab hadn't really helped Riley at all, which was extremely unusual. It was just one of those times that Riley wasn't sure he even deserved comfort, let alone knew how to fix what he had done. As the time for Evie to come home drew nearer, Riley ended up near hyperventilating. He hoped she hadn't had a bad day at work because he knew if she did, there was no way he would tell her. He would sit on it and stew even more. He had tried to call Pat, but Pat was screening his calls, clearly avoiding Riley for the moment. To make matters even more strained, Lachlan had called and Riley immediately thought he was about to get torn a new arsehole over the kiss, but the Scotsman was oblivious to it. He had just to wanted ask if it was still okay for Riley and Evie to babysit the wee one for a couple of hours on the weekend while Tara had a post-natal doctor's appointment which Riley confirmed as if nothing was wrong. The last thing that was needed were baby Riley's godfathers ignoring each other over a stupid, stupid mistake that was neither the baby nor his parents' fault. Something needed to be resolved and Riley knew he had to tell Evie. If he didn't, it was going to kill him.

He had bitten all his nails off and was sitting stiffly on the edge of the sofa while he waited for Evie to arrive home. He should be happy and excited about his godson being healthy enough to go home and their first babysitting session on the horizon, but he was nervous and guilty. All he could see was it all falling apart around him.

Evie let herself into the apartment and smiled as she saw Riley there waiting for her, oblivious to his nervous state as she dropped her bag and worked on getting her coat off. She hadn't had a bad day, in fact her day could really only be described as 'meh'. Nothing had really happened, no disasters had occurred and she'd just spent the day trying to fill each hour. She was so glad to be home, ready to sit on her ass and fill her hours with all the fun things in life. Like curling up with Riley and watching a movie or something.

Evie came over to Riley and bent down to kiss his temple as she rubbed a hand against his shoulder. "Where's your sister and her sax player? Don't tell me we actually have the place to ourselves?"

Riley gave a small nod. "Yeah, Luke took Tab out to dinner and a movie..." He didn't add that it was mostly an unsubtle move to give Riley and Evie the place to themselves so Riley could admit to his error. He swallowed and folded his arms around his stomach. "Evie, you have to sit down, love. There's something I need to tell you."

It was only now that Evie was starting to realise just how tense Riley looked. She sat down like he asked, her hand on his shoulder. "Riley, are you okay? Are you sick? Is it the medication?" Evie's stomach flipped, and she tried to fight off the sudden dread she felt.

"I'm okay. It's nothing like that," Riley assured her quietly. He closed his eyes for a moment. "Something happened today that shouldn't have and the last thing I want to do is try to sound like I'm making excuses, but it really did just happen and I feel terrible about it..." He had to bite back a wave of fear as he looked at her sadly. He felt so fucking terrible. He was choking up on the words again. It had been much easier to tell Tab.

Evie drew her eyebrows together as she looked Riley and stroked her fingers down his cheek. "Hey," she said softly, "you can tell me anything, sexy. You don't have to be worried. Whatever it is can't be that bad. What's happened that shouldn't have happened?" Again her stomach flipped and Evie wasn't even sure what it was that she was expecting to come out of Riley's mouth. There were too many scenarios flashing through her mind for her to actually focus on any of them.

Riley's face crumbled and he put his face in his hands for a few moments. But he lifted his head again, not letting himself fuck this up. "Pat and I kissed. This morning. I-It was never meant to happen. He was really upset with Cameron leaving and trying to face the move and I was trying to comfort him and it just... just..." He trailed off, shaking his head apologetically.

Evie's eyes went wide as she stared at him, and for a second she forgot how to breathe. Then she managed to drag a breath inwards and get her lungs working again. "You... what?" She frowned as she tried to process what Riley had said. She wanted to be understanding about it, but she was still in shock. "I... Pat?"

Riley gave a slight nod, pressing his lips together. "It was just a slip, barely even a few moments and then we both pulled away in shock. I don't even know what to say to fix this, but he was in a really bad way and we just slipped. I'm so sorry, Evie. I... I know this is unforgivable," he whispered, twisting his fingers together in front of him.

Evie was still staring at him, but as she heard his final comment she just had to shake her head. "No, sexy. It's not unforgivable. It's a bit of a shock, but it's nowhere near unforgivable." She placed both her hands on top of Riley's and leaned her head against his. "If you say it was a slip, and there was nothing in it... then I believe you, okay? I'm not going to get angry. I just need a few moments to get past the surprise, that's all."

"I just wanted to help him feel better. I was helpless. I know what it's like to say goodbye to your twin and he's upset about leaving Princeton. I was just sitting with him and giving him a hug, but it was a lot like when I was back in Scotland and he was trying to comfort me when I missed Tab. That's when... well, I think we just got caught up. But there is nothing in it. You have to understand that and I wish I could somehow convince Aiden that because Pat was going to tell him. But there isn't. There never was... just a deep, deep affection. I don't know how it happened or how I could be so fucking stupid. He was distraught and I'm making it worse." Riley shoved his hand through his hair and met her eyes sadly. "I really am sorry. It wasn't anything."

She sighed and pressed a kiss to Riley's cheek. "You don't need to worry about me, okay? I get it. Really. I was just surprised. I do understand though. And you're right, you probably do need to make Aiden understand, but at the same time you just need to let Pat and Aiden work this out themselves. Pat's not going to be coming to me to try and explain it. You shouldn't go to Aiden. It's not your job. So is Pat okay, or not? Kiss aside."

"I don't know. He's screening my calls. He wasn't, though. He really wasn't. When you're a twin and you get separated it..." Riley rubbed at his chest a little, never really forgetting how it felt to get on that plane in New York to leave for Scotland without Tab. "It's a physical pain and you feel sick. Like, empty and like someone just tore your leg off. And it's the same everytime you say goodbye to them. He was already upset about packing his stuff to move to New York, but then Cam had to leave a few days early for a press conference, so Pat didn't have time to prepare for it. Lachlan asked me to go see he was okay because he's had to be at the hospital with Chase. And this happens."

"I can only imagine how bad it must be... so I do understand to a point. He must have been extremely distressed." Evie combed her fingers through her fiance's hair and shrugged. "You really don't have to keep explaining it to me. You kissed him because you got caught up in the comfort and you wanted to help him. That's because you're an amazing man, Riley Browne. You haven't fucked him, or had an affair, or decided to leave me for him, so you just need to stop with the self flagellation. Not that you're actually getting any pleasure out of this..." Evie took his face between her hands and made him look at her. "I love you, okay? This hasn't changed that."

"They trusted me to try and help him." Riley made a small, whimpering sound. "I love you, too. You should hate me for this. Even if it was just Pat. But I would never do anything like... I would never hurt you by being unfaithful, Evie. I wouldn't. And that's not Pat, either. He's going to have to try and shoulder this already on top of everything else and fuck it! I just wanted things to be good! It should be a happy time!"

Evie wrapped her arms around Riley and pulled him against her as she hugged him. This side of him just made her heart ache. He was so quick to blame himself for anything that happened, and Evie had to wonder what it was that had ever made him be this way. She could feel a couple of tears spill over onto her cheeks and she blinked rapidly to stop more. "Jesus, Riley... I can't hate you. I could never hate you. Why would you even think something like that? I know you wouldn't be unfaithful, but I'm still allowed to be shocked. It doesn't mean I hate you, it doesn't mean I love you any less. It just means that you told me you kissed Pat and I wasn't expecting it. You did try and help him... you just got caught up in it."

"I was worried you would think that... because of my history with him... but it's not like that anymore," Riley insisted. "For the first time in ever, since I ever met Lachlan or anyone attached to him, it's the first time we've all been happily attached. Even Tab, too. It's never been like this. I just want everyone to be happy. Not devastated and crying like Pat was."

Evie kissed the top of his head and nuzzled into him. "Riley... I trust you. More than I've ever trusted anyone. You've never given me any reason not to. I still trust you... I know you just wanted to help. Sometimes you can't. Just like no one could make you happy all those months ago."

"But everything was supposed to be better," Riley said in a small voice. "Happier. Tara and Riley are home and everything was going good."

"You said it yourself a twin leaving hurts. But I don't... why's Pat hurting so much over leaving for New York? Doesn't he want to live with Aiden anymore?" Evie smiled a little. "That's good. That's great, even. It'll be nice for them to out of the hospital."

"It's nice to see them out of hospital and being a proper family at home. Though, I sympathise with the neighbours. He has a little pair of lungs on him when he wants to. Like father, like son that is. He didn't like the maternity nurses holding him." Riley sucked on his lower lip. "He wants to live with Aiden but I don't think he wants to leave Princeton... or leave all us, to be more accurate. Not that he said as much. He didn't say all that much. I think that's why he's so upset. He's torn."

"Maybe we should get Tara and Lachlan some ear plugs, or something?" Evie tugged on a lock of Riley's hair. "That's really not something you can help him with, sweetheart. That's something he and Aiden need to work out."

"I don't think they mind. Lachlan has this way with him. He stops the minute he's in his dad's arms. Tara just has all the patience in the world. To be married to Lachlan, she would have to," Riley had to add with a slight laugh. "I know. Now he might not even talk to me ever again. He was horrified. We both were. We didn't exactly part well."

"This is very true. I'm in awe of both of them. Always have been." Evie shifted to lie back on the sofa and brought Riley with her. She wasn't really in the mood for going anywhere. "Just give him time, sexy. You both need time."

Riley managed to let himself relax, not protesting the closeness. "I'm sorry," he murmured again. "I love you."

"I know you are, but if you apologise one more time I will hurt you." She kissed him. "I love you too."

Words: 2220 | All muses referenced with permission

For just_fck_me - 6.3. Come on, baby, I'm almost there!

2009-01-06T10:19:55Z

“Come on, baby, I’m almost there!”

It was getting easier. Maybe there was something to be said for sex in public. Those trysts at Luke’s bar had helped to loosen Riley up, and to get him to trust Evie and trust that they could have sex and he wouldn’t need to worry. And then there had been the engagement and they seemed keen to celebrate their union whenever they weren’t with Lachlan, Tara and baby Riley, and Evie wasn’t at work.

She panted against his ear, still spurring him on. Her foot was braced against the bottom of their bed, their bodies tangled in the sheets as Riley kept up a deep and steady rhythm. Sweat covered them, and Evie whimpered as Riley angled her hips so he could stroke against her clit. She let out a low moan and gripped his neck as she kissed him. Their tongues moved against each other, almost echoing the rhythm of their bodies.

She shuddered as Riley groaned against her mouth, his arousal sending spikes of pleasure through her entire body. She couldn’t help but react to him; she had ever since they’d met. She’d always thought Riley was just about the sexiest thing alive, and he definitely was while he was fucking her. Evie swept her hands down his back and grabbed his ass, her hips lifting to match his.

“Fuck,” she panted as the kiss ended, and Riley’s forehead rest against his. How was it that he could get her so infuriatingly close, and keep her there on the edge, prolonging the delicious agony? He smirked as if he caught what she was thinking before he frowned and rolled over onto his back, pulling her down roughly as he buried himself deep within her. Evie grinned, and pushed up so she could ride him, breasts thrust out. Her nipples were still swollen from foreplay, and as Riley reached up to tease them, it had her moaning and arching her back.

With Evie on top, controlling things it didn’t take long before she bucked and trembled, Riley holding her close as she came with a loud cry of his name. He followed not long after, and Evie clenched tightly around him before he helped her ride out the after shocks. She collapsed down on top of him with a breathy laugh, not at all protesting when he changed their positions again and nuzzled against her throat.

He took her hand in his and kissed the diamond engagement ring on her left hand. “I love you,” he murmured with a smile.

Evie ran her fingers through his damp hair and smiled back. “I love me too, but after that, you’re a pretty fucking close second.”

Riley chuckled and kissed her, fingers pinching her nipples until she squirmed and moaned. “What was that?”

“Love you too, sexy.”

Evie Miller (OC)
House, M.D.
Words:

pullmysteth used with permission.

For just_muse_me - 11.9.4 Proposal image

2009-01-01T11:04:29Z

Co-written with pullmysteth | Related to THIS and THIS

[Timed to New Year's Eve, just before midnight]

It wasn't quite midnight yet but so far the party had been a success. Riley had seen very little of either Aiden or Pat because there were so many people in the room. It wasn't just their bunch this time, it was also all of Aiden's friends and some of his family, and needless to say, in the career he was in, he knew a lot of people. The most prominent absence was Lachlan and Tara. Lachlan had been insistent to every one of them, however, that they had to still carry on like normal and still enjoy New Years and Aiden's birthday. Riley and Evie had literally left it to the last minute to leave Princeton, getting on the road at about four thirty that afternoon after a quick visit to the hospital and arriving at the party just after it started. Despite Lachlan assuring everyone he was fine, Riley didn't really want to be away from Princeton any longer than he needed to in case something happened and to be completely honest, he was a little sick of New York after being here so often of late. He preferred the pace of Princeton and it was his home. And maybe... just a little bit... he was feeling kind of homey and content since Christmas; like Princeton was where he needed to be right now.

He finally caught a quick glance of the birthday boy and his other half through the crowd. Aiden was knelt down in front of Pat trying to steal the pink umbrella from Pat's drink. Both were laughing and then Pat pulled Aiden close for a kiss. Riley smirked and draped his arms around Evie's shoulders. "Kind of looks like Aiden's getting ready to propose," he joked. "There's definitely some happy buzz in the air tonight."

Evie leaned into Riley and smiled as she looked from Aiden and Pat to her boyfriend. "Mm... it's good. Kind of like a much needed shot in the arm in between the sadness."

She still felt bad for leaving Princeton to come celebrate in New York, but Lachlan had been right. Tara would have killed them, and Evie didn't need manslaughter added to the list of trauma from the past year. She too felt sick of New York, but it wasn't a complaint she'd voiced. Her father on the other hand had been very vocal during a phone call the day before, complaining about how she hadn't yet let him meet Riley. As far as Evie was concerned right now, cars and traffic went both ways. Her father was just as capable of coming up to Princeton as she was getting down to New York.

She let her hand come to rest on Riley's thigh and sighed. "It'll be better when Luke and Tab get that bar up and running in Princeton. Still, it's nice to see Aiden and Pat so happy. Pat deserves someone like Aiden."

Riley glanced back at Pat briefly, but soon met Evie's eyes again. "He doesn't think he does, but I think it's getting clearer every day..." he murmured. "With the right advice - and you can't go beyond Yodalan - most things can be seen clearer eventually," he added, smiling.

"I don't think anyone ever thinks they deserve the person they love. Or rather, they don't think they deserve their love, but they always think they're more than worthy of being loved." Evie laughed a little. "I think I just confused myself in that sentence. I know what I mean, and I hope you know what I mean. I don't have Yodalan's way with words."

Riley laughed. "No, you don't. But then, no one does. It's the accent. Or the kilt. Haven't really worked out which influence is stronger yet." The person up at the microphone on the stage warned everyone to start getting ready for the countdown. He glanced up at the clock and shook his head. "My god, I can't believe 2008 is nearly over. Thank fuck," he said, shaking his head with a smile.

Evie grinned, and looped her arms around him so she could kiss his temple. There was a small flutter of excitement in her stomach at the idea that soon they'd be counting down and saying goodbye to 2008. "Given I hear the accent more than see the kilt, I'm going with the accent. I'm also not exactly hating all of 2008. It did give me you. I'd be a very sad, and horribly slutty lady without you."

"I'll be glad when it's gone," Riley told her with a hint of apology. "I mean, you're right. It's been a good year and bad year all rolled in one but I need the New Year. It can't possibly be any worse than 2008. The whole year changed who I was and I'm only just starting to like who I am now. And you... you know... I couldn't have done any of it without you. I might not even be here right now without you," he admitted as the countdown started.

Evie shifted so that she could face Riley, aware that the countdown had started. She made no move to join in, and tried to make herself heard over the commotion. "You got no idea how much I love you, Riley. I mean, you probably do. I just never feel like I'll ever be able to make you believe me. I know you've had to go through so much, but if it helps I do like who you are now. Especially when you do the sexy thinking thing."

Riley swallowed and then pulled a small blue velvet draw string bag from his pocket and held it up for her. "I have something for you," he told her, and handed her the bag, pressing it into her palm with a small moment of hesitation before he let go. Inside was a sterling silver bracelet he picked up on his trip to Tiffany's a few weeks back... with a special message.

Evie frowned a little as she took the bag and worked on opening it. "Riley, you didn't have to--" Her mouth fell open as she held the bracelet in her held and read the engraved words on the heart. "Oh my god! Riley, I--" Evie licked at her lips as she tried to get her brain to work, a huge smile on her face as the countdown got even louder. "Yes!"

Riley broke into a grin and pulled the telltale signature box from his other pocket and snapped it open for her to see the diamond he had bought the same day. He had carried it around with him ever since, though he hadn't been able to go through with it. Thinking; he was always thinking. It needed to be the perfect moment and this was it. She said yes! "Really? You mean it? You don't even want to think about it?" He put his hand on his chest. "Oh my god, I'm really trying not to wet myself or throw up right now," he admitted with a laugh as the countdown reached it's target and everyone burst into a healthy round of 'Auld Lang Syne'.

Evie couldn't stop smiling. Even as she looked at him curiously, she couldn't stop smiling. "What's to think about, sexy?" She tried to bite back a squeal, and even as it was let out it got swallowed up in the noise. She threw her arms around Riley and kissed him hard. "I would like nothing more than to be your wife. And if you do wet yourself, or throw up I'll always be there to clean it up. Only I'd prefer it if you didn't."

Riley's heart was pounding in his chest and he was just standing there grinning stupidly. It took a few more moments for his brain to kick into gear and remind him that he needed to get the ring on her finger. He carefully slipped it out of the box, almost dropping it in the process his hands were shaking so much. He took her hand and kissed her fingers, then slipped the ring on before grabbing her and spinning her around happily. "We're getting married!" he declared to everyone in the close enough distance to hear him.

Evie laughed and pressed kisses to Riley's face as she also showed off the diamond to those around them. There was a small round of applause and some cheering, and Evie was pretty much walking on cloud nine. She couldn't help it, she was going to marry the man she loved. "Oh my fucking god!"

Riley put his hand up to his mouth, laughing. He couldn't believe it. It hadn't really been anything like he expected. He had tried to go over it in his mind many times in the past weeks, but when it came to the crunch, something just told him to do it and he did it and she said yes! His phone vibrated with a buzz in his pocket, even if he couldn't hear it over the loud crowds. He watched Evie showing her ring off and pulled it out, reading over the text message. "Oh, thank god!" he cried and held the phone up with the message from Lachlan that simply said 'SHE'S AWAKE'. He grinned. "She's awake and we're getting married! Thank god for 2009!" he said with another grin that was making his face ache.

Evie stared at the phone, her smile frozen in place as she tried to absorb the words. Then relief started to set in and she had Riley in a tight embrace. "This has to be the best damn year ever!" She lifted her head to kiss him, trying hard not to let her laughter turn into crying. "Happy New Year, future husband."

Riley was close to crying himself. The relief for Lachlan rushed through him like a refreshing glass of cold water on a hot day and here was Evie, standing in front of him looking beautiful after just agreeing to become his wife. Tears spilled over but he was still grinning. He swept her into his arms and spun her around. "Happy New Year, future Mrs Riley Browne," he said and gave her a deep, happy kiss.

Evie Miller & Riley Browne (OCs)
House, M.D.
Words: 1710

All characters referenced with permission

For just_muse_me - 11.8.5 Something's Gotta Give

2008-12-30T05:51:37Z

Co-written with asinthecity | Follows THIS

Tab dropped down into the seat next to Evie and cleared her throat softly. She handed a cup of coffee, a look on her face reflecting her regret that it was only from a vending machine. She’d promised Riley she’d look after Evie, so she figured that meant she shouldn’t really stray too far. They were still waiting for the boys to show up so that they’d get let into the ICU.

Luke sat a small distance away, murmuring into his phone as he checked in with Andrew. She watched him for a few moments, letting her coffee cool down before she even tried to sip at it. Bad enough it came from a vending machine, she wasn’t looking to wind up in the hospital with a burnt tongue.

“You love him, don’t you?”

Tab blinked, and turned to face Riley’s blonde girlfriend. “Yeah, of course.”

Evie nodded, her blue eyes going unfocused again as she stared at a spot on the wall opposite. “I love your brother. You know that, right?”

Tab frowned. “Yeah, of course.”

Evie gave another nod. Her hand was shaking as she stroked her fingers across her forehead, the other hand holding the coffee Tab had given her. She blinked, and tried to pull her thoughts away from what Tara and Lachlan were going through, and what she and Riley might have gone through and what they had gone through and everything they might still go through. For the first time in months, Evie felt shaken and like she wasn’t strong. Why should she be strong when Tara was somewhere in this stupid fucking hospital hooked up to machines and fighting for her life? It wasn’t fair, Evie didn’t deserve to live more than Tara. Tara was a mom now. That was fucking huge.

“I’d die for him,” Evie said softly. “I would do anything for him.”

Tab was still frowning as she tried to work out why Evie was telling her this. “All you really have to do is love him… no death required.”

“Tara might die.”

“Tara’s going to be fine. If the powers that be let Tara die than they’re stupider than I thought.”

Evie brought her gaze up to meet Tab’s. “What would you do if Luke was sick and there wasn’t anything you could do about?”

Tab’s brown eyes went wide as she looked over at her boyfriend. “I don’t know… I’d feel like a failure.”

“That’s how Lachlan’s probably feeling. It’s how Riley feels about himself and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to change that.”

“Riley’s getting better,” Tab argued.

“I know, but…”

Tab leaned forward, her frown deepening. “But what? You just said you loved him, and so far you’ve stuck by his side.”

“What if I’m not enough?”

Tab let out a snort of disbelief. “What?”

Evie blinked back tears and pushed her hair back from her face. “What if he doesn’t love me the way I love him?”

Tab raised a hand. “Please tell me this is lack of sleep talking, otherwise I might be forced to slap you. You’re the most important thing to Riley. All his agonizing over the HIV has mostly been in a large part because of you. He’s worried he’s not enough for you. So I think you better pull your fucking head out. You two love each other, and you’ll do anything for each other, right? So maybe you just need to let yourselves trust that love.”

Evie let the tears come now and she looked at Tab helplessly. “It’s the lack of sleep. I don’t know what I’m saying. Fuck. I love Riley, and I know he loves me, I just… if this was me and him, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Tab leaned forward again to take Evie’s hand as she kissed the other woman’s forehead. “Hopefully you’ve already been through all the shit you and my brother have to deal with. I don’t want to know what this feels like anymore than you do. But you’re here for Tara, and you’re here for Lachlan and Riley will be here to look after you. So will I.”

Evie wiped at her tears and smiled thankfully at Tab. “If I had a sister, I’d want her to be like you.”

Tab laughed quietly. “Only if you wanted a lot of hair pulling and wedgies.” She winked at Evie. “Besides, there’s still a way for us to be sisters. Just give Riley time.”

“He can have all the time he needs. I’m not going anywhere.”

Evie Miller & Tabitha London Browne
House, M.D OC & Original Character
Words: 759

All muses referenced with permission

For just_muse_me - 10.4.5 Grin

2008-12-28T02:45:54Z

[Follows THIS and THIS | Timed to Christmas Night]

Co-written with pullmysteth

Evie covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned. As exciting as all this was, she was starting to feel drained from all the emotions that had been coursing through her since Christmas began. She was still smiling to herself about Riley's duet with Tab, but her eyes were fixed on the doors Riley and Patrick had disappeared through. She and Tab had exchanged a few words, and Evie hadn't been able to shake the feeling Riley's sister knew something she didn't.

Evie folded her arms behind her head and slid a little lower down into her seat. Tara had a son! She couldn't believe it, her best friend was a mom now. She had a little baby and everything. And try as she might, Evie's thoughts couldn't help turning towards what it might be like for her to have a child of her own. A child that was hers and Riley's. It was an impossibility though, and she was growing to come to terms with that. Even if she still felt a pang in her chest at the idea of being a mother. Damn this sudden cluckiness, and Tara's nesting influence.

Aiden had been waiting for Pat at the nurses' station, so Riley was relieved to leave Pat in the more than capable hands of his boyfriend. Pat seemed to be struggling to stop the tears. Emotions were just pumping through everything, and finally meeting the tiny newborn had been huge. Riley felt heady from the experience, not to mention Lachlan's addictive happiness. They had left shortly after Tara fell asleep, making Lachlan promise he would get some sleep too, though Riley just knew the way his best mate curled up in that recliner with the soft blue bundle that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Father and son bonding on the face of it but Riley knew he was much deeper. Lachlan couldn't believe the baby was his and he needed to connect to that in any way he could.

Riley pushed his way back out of the Maternity unit, trying to keep as quiet as he could. It was after two am now and the patients would be asleep. He didn't want to be accused of waking any newborns and setting off a domino effect of wailing. One of the nurses had revealed that Baby Campbell was the only Christmas baby PPTH saw that year. It was almost surreal. He looked around for Evie as soon as he was out the doors and went right over to her to throw his arms around her. "Oh my god," he murmured against her shoulder.

Evie straightened up in her seat, her arms going around Riley as she tried to stand up so he wouldn't have to hunch over. "Is he beautiful? I bet he's going to be a heartbreaker. I can't believe it they're parents. I mean, I can... but I can't." Evie turned her head to press a kiss against Riley's cheek and smiled. "And I'm sleeping with the godfather."

"How Mafia sounding of you," Riley said with a tired laugh. He didn't let go, remaining closely in the hug. "God, he's fucking beautiful, Evie. I know I'm probably biased, but we're talking Tara and Lachlan's genes here. He has Lachlan's hair. He's so tiny, but it's a tiny perfect. Lachlan can't stop smiling and he has every reason to." He pulled back just a little with an awed shake of his head. "They called him Riley Patrick. Riley Patrick Campbell."

Evie's blue eyes went wide as a sob caught in her throat. "They called him what?! Oh my god!" She kissed Riley, her hands gripping his face. "Oh shit, it's perfect! They're perfect! Oh, he sounds perfect! Fuck, I need to stop saying that word."

"But it's true!" Riley laughed. "Wait, wait. I took a couple of photos." He took his cell phone from his pocket and flicked to one of the pictures of the baby on his own and then the other of Lachlan nursing him. He handed the phone to Evie. "I didn't want to take anymore. Tara was asleep by this point and we didn't want to wake her up. I just... I can't fucking believe it. That's their baby. He came out of Tara, my god. It's just... amazing. It's unbelievable. But the name... fuck." He welled up again, shaking his head. He couldn't be more honoured if he stood on the roof and shouted it to all of Princeton.

Evie grinned. She rubbed the back of Riley's neck as she used her other hand to look at his phone. "He really is beautiful, even on a phone. I can't wait to see him, but Tara and Lachlan will need their rest, and so will the baby. Shit, my best friend's a mom! Your best friend's a dad!" Evie looked back up at Riley and felt tears in her own eyes as she leaned in to kiss him again. "Little Riley Patrick Campbell. A proper Christmas miracle."

"The only PPTH Christmas baby," Riley added, brushing away the tears with the tips of his fingers. He laughed softly. "This is the bump that has caused everyone headaches the past few days with Tara trying to clean us where we sat. It's fucking odd that her body just knew even if she didn't. Lachlan was telling me she wanted to rearrange the nursery and dust the curtains or some shirt. I just can't even imagine." He put his hand on his cheek and looked at the photo on the small screen. "It's only just happened, but everything already feels so different."

Evie watched him, and curled the ends of his hair around her fingers. "A woman's body always knows. It knows better than her mind sometimes. Good different, or bad different?"

"Good different. I mean, fucking hell. Lachlan is back in there looking like he has found the exact reason he was put on this earth, and after months of thinking he wouldn't be a father. He's holding his perfect baby son and can't wipe that smile off his face. He's in tears in the blink of an eye because the feelings he has for that little person are just so deep and strong, and the love he has for his wife runs so deep. Can you imagine feeling something like that? Coming to a place in your life where you just know that this is what you were brought here for and that you know that even though it's going to be scary as all fuck, it doesnae matter because you're holding your whole world in your hands, literally?" Riley brushed more tears away as his words became a little choked. "Some people will never find that place in their lives."

Evie tucked his phone in her back pocket and turned to hug Riley tightly. She smiled at his little Scottish slip, and peppered his face with kisses, not caring if anyone was witnessing the early morning exchange. "I love you, Riley Browne. I love you more than I've loved anyone in my entire life, so you know what? I do know what it's like to have a love that runs that deep. Why do you think I've never once complained, or thought about leaving? Maybe we don't have a baby, and maybe we're not quite at the Lachlan and Tara level yet, but if I'm ever going to get to that kind of fucking Zen love, I know it'll be with you. I just hope that one day I can give you what Tara's given Lachlan, even if it's not quite in the shape of a baby bundle."

Riley totally missed the fact his hint of Scottish was coming out. He had spent the last few days in the presence of Lachlan's family and it was hard not to fall into the lingo. Lachlan also had lapsed right back into his deep lilt, which was amusing to listen to. It usually only came out when he was pissed. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears spilt over. He made no attempt to fight it off this time. Lack of sleep and emotion of the new arrival were just too much. "I'd give anything to know that would be me one day," he admitted in a whisper.

This time it was Evie who brushed Riley's tears away with the tips of her fingers. She even kissed at them, her lips moving over his cheeks. "We'll work something out, sweetheart. I know we will." Her mouth shifted to press against his, and she kissed him deeply, trying to make him believe her.

Riley kissed her back and as he did, he felt the dragging tiredness come over him for the first time all night. Everyone else had gone home or at least back to the base they were staying at in Princeton. When the kiss eased off he managed a small, tired smile. "I feel like I should go over and offer Mr and Mrs Campbell a hand to clean up. We all just kind of abandoned dinner where it was. Tab wants me to text her a photo of the baby, too. I mean, what am I supposed to do as a godfather? I don't even know where to start?"

"You're just supposed to be you. I'm sure you'll think of something when the time comes." Evie smiled back and traced his brow with her finger. "We probably should go back, even if we just wind up flaking out on the sofa after. I'll drive if you want to send Tab the picture."

Riley nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "Wow..." he murmured, maybe more to himself than Evie. "It all really happened. What next?" he asked with a laugh.

"New Year's!" Evie replied as she grinned. She slid her arm around his wait and fished out his cell phone to give back to him. "And sleep."

Evie Miller & Riley Browne (OC)
House, M.D.
Words: 1657

All muses referred to with permission

For just_muse_me - 9.1.6 Erica Jong Quote

2008-12-12T21:42:51Z

9.1.6. “Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.” - Erica Jong

[Co-written with mrpublicity | Follows THIS and is simultaneous to THIS]

Evie tried not to feel weird about being the one to 'collect' Aiden. She shouldn't feel weird about it. He was Pat's boyfriend, she was Riley's girlfriend and they more than shared the same circle of friends now. Still, it felt strange. She'd come to New York to be with Riley, and here she was chasing up Pat's wayward lover. If she were honest though, maybe she was the best one to do it. It wasn't like she didn't understand what he was going through. She just seemed to deal with it differently. In all their time together, Evie hadn't even once run away from Riley after he'd been cranky with her. Maybe because she knew it wasn't really her he was cranky with.

Evie stepped into the coffee shop, and pushed her blonde hair out of her face as she looked around for Aiden. Her blue eyes stopped at a table where a guy was hunched over his coffee cup, a laptop lying closed beside him. He seemed to be having a stare off with the invisible person across from him. Evie walked up to the table and dropped down into one of the empty chairs, careful not to disturb his line of staring.

After a moment she cleared her throat softly. "Hey."

Aiden blinked and turned in the direction of the voice. "Oh, hey." He smiled. "Sorry, I was a million miles away." He straightened his slumped posture a little with a stretch and brushed his fingers through his hair. "Is everything okay?"

Evie gave him a light smirk. "You tell me."

"Ah," Aiden murmured with a small smile. "You're the cavalry slash search party. Tab, to Riley, to you. Us lot aren't going to need cell phones sooner or later." He hesitated and his blue eyes dropped back to the coffee cup. "I'm not running away. If I was, I wouldn't be able to be found."

Evie's smirk turned into a smile, but she looked at him with concern. "Soon it'll just be us communicating via telepathy. Everyone's worried about you, Aiden. They know how much weight you carry on those shoulders. How much stress you've given yourself because you don't think you're good enough to look after Pat." Evie took a breath and folded her hands on the table in front of her. "Can I tell you something? A secret of sorts."

"I don't think Pat thinks I'm good enough to look after him," Aiden said as his voice adopted that flat tone he seemed to fine so easy to lapse into recently. He nodded. "If you think it can be safe with me," he added with a smile that indicated she could trust him, whatever it was.

Evie leaned forward even more, her hands still resting on the table, but her eyes locked with his. "Riley doesn't think I'm good enough either. Or maybe not quite that, maybe he thinks that I just shouldn't want to look after him. The truth is I've never once doubted my ability to look after him, and deal with the fallout from his being found Positive. Not just because I'm a nurse," she said, like she knew he always thought the rest of Pat's friends would know better because they were doctors. "I know I'm good enough to, and I know I will get us through this because I love him. Just like you love Pat. The thing is you don't spend your day worrying about what it is you can't do, or don't think you can do. Just take it one hour at a time. One minute at a time. Whatever works for you. You just start dealing with it a bit at a time and you work out that pretty soon you've got it all in hand. It's still okay to have a cry, or a swear. You can even stomp around the grocery store if it gives you an outlet. You can even be honest and let Pat know that you're just having a bad moment. You're not weaker for it."

Aiden lowered his head a little and wet his lips. "The hour, the minute... he was screaming at me. Snapping at me. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't want my help? I know I made a mistake admitting that I thought he wanted everyone else to help him, but I never expected him to come back with what he said. That he knows he can trust everyone else but I can just walk away at any minute. So much has been made out of the issue whether I'll want to do this, or whether I'll cope, but it's Pat that needs to call the shots. What if he doesn't want me helping? We were fine when he wasn't sick but now that he is, I don't feel like I know him at all."

Evie just shrugged a shoulder. "Then don't help. Riley has plenty of people to help him, and he doesn't always want it to be me that does. You know what I do then? I just be his girlfriend. I just stay and hold his hand, or stroke his hair, or kiss his forehead. I hang out with him and watch TV and talk shit. Maybe it doesn't feel like it right now, but just because Pat has MS and he gets attacks... it doesn't mean he's always going to want to be treated like a sick person. He needs at least one person to act like he isn't diseased; like he's the Pat he's always been."

"I was just trying to help him with his shirt. He couldn't get the buttons. He was getting frustrated. I didn't know he was getting pissed off with himself because he had been fine last time I saw him. No one warned me." Aiden stopped and scratched his head in frustration. "Actually, that's not true. Pat warned me many times that it was hard, but I never expected him to be so angry. I just... I can't just be the boyfriend like that. If Pat wants everyone else to take care of him, he has to go back to Princeton and I have to stay here to work. I would hardly see him. There is commuting, but only weekends, maybe some week nights. And I'd do it. If that's what it took, but I... I want more. I want to do more. I want to be more. But it's too damn soon to even be thinking about shit like this when clearly we have loads we need to work through. Starting with the fact he doesn't trust me."

"Aiden..." Evie started as she let out a slow breath. She was trying to choose her words carefully because she really hadn't talked about this with anyone else. Not Riley, not Riley's sister, and not even Tara. Even if Tara would understand as well. "You have to be able to be everything. You have to be able to know which role to play depending on Pat's mood. Or at least that's some of what I've figured. I'm still me around Riley, but I just know how to handle him better when I know which hat I have on. Okay, so that just sounds confusing, but... it's like if Riley has trouble with his shirt. I don't really ask about helping him do it up. I wait until he's had enough of it and just stops out of frustration and then step in. It's hard watching someone we love not be able to do a simple task, but there's nothing we can do to change that. Pat wants you in his life. He's just going to have days, hours, minutes where he's frustrated beyond belief at the situation he's in. It has absolutely nothing to do with you."

Aiden watched her face as she spoke, taking it all in as best he could. "I've never dealt with anything like this before. I hadn't even been in a hospital for years before I went to Princeton that weekend after I met him. I know it's the weak, coward's way, but right now I feel like stepping back and letting everyone else do what they know how to do. At least it would keep Pat's stress to a minimum. He would be taken care of how he needs. His brother, his friends... they were concerned I wouldn't be able to hack all this." He had to press his lips together for a moment so he didn't start weeping on the spot again. "I've spent the last three hours trying to decide if I really can. In my job, I can handle anything. But personally, knowing I did or said something that caused Pat to get so angry? Is it really worth all the strain?"

"Yes," Evie answered without taking a moment to consider it. "It is worth it. Me and Riley had an almost-fight over kids up in the maternity ward. I didn't run, and he didn't run either. Although he was almost right in telling me that I was being submissive. Sometimes you are going to turn into what you hate. It can be one extreme, or the other--but it's just what you have to do to cope. I don't know if it makes me lucky, but my Mom had breast cancer. Maybe that's why I know how to do this. I've already looked after someone I loved. I don't want it to end the same way with Riley. I don't want to lose him."

"I'm sorry," Aiden murmured. "I can't even imagine... I've never lost anyone close to me. Never been touched by sickness, until now. Hell, I hardly even get sick myself. When I do, I usually just keep working right through it anyway. Pat wouldn't let me do that this recent time, though. He just seemed to know naturally how to take care of me. And it felt nice, to let him, you know?" He put his hands over his face. "I can't even return the favour without it all going up the shit. I just want to be something to him. Whatever of those hats he wants me to wear, I'll do it. But now I just feel like he was tolerating me. He got angry so quickly, it must have already been there under the surface. What if he was just pissed off it was me there to help and not Cameron or Riley or Lachlan?"

Evie let out a small sigh, and gave a shake of her head. "Whatever made Pat snap, I know it wasn't that. He loves you more than you might even realise. I think he's probably just at his wit's end because he didn't expect to get sick so soon with you. He's probably just angry that time has been stolen from the both of you."

The tears caught Aiden so quickly that he didn't have time to stop them. He fumbled to grab some napkins from the dispenser. "Fuck, I'm sorry," he cursed in nothing more than a mumble. He pressed the napkins to his eyes with a heavy exhalation. "I don't know what to do," he finally admitted to her helplessly. "I don't even know where to start."

Evie shifted her chair closer to Aiden and slipped her arm around his shoulders. Comforting someone was never a problem for her. Neither was seeing someone cry. She worked in an Oncology ward after all. "It's okay, Aiden. And honestly? I think the place you start is going back to Pat's room. Let him know you haven't run away because even if you just sit in a chair by his bed, he will still know you're there for him."

"I didn't mean to fuck off. I just couldn't get my head around any of it. It didn't seem right to see him so angry, I just couldn't handle him yelling at me like that. I mean, I could have if it had been a proper fight, but I didn't know what I had done wrong. What if he doesn't want me there? What do I do then? Do I keep coming back and making a complete arse of myself? I've never really felt like this about anyone before, so I can't shake the worry I'm doing it all wrong. All my exes were just... well, they came second to my work. They didn't like it, so it ended up in the toilet. Pat makes me want to do things differently, but how to do them is a completely different story." Aiden rested his head down on his head, wetting his lips and tasting the tears there. "Didn't you ever just want to go when Riley pushed you away?"

"No," Evie replied quietly. Maybe it was making it worse to have Aiden hear that, but she thought it was important to be honest. "I can't really explain why. Maybe it has to do with my own abandonment issues, or maybe it is just because I love him so much it hurts to breathe when I think about being without him. Either way, I have never once considered leaving him. I don't want to be anywhere else. I can't tell you what to do, or how to do it. I know you want all these answers, but the truth is you can only do what's right for you. What's right for you and Pat. He does want you there, so don't tell yourself any different. I'll go back with you if you want, but only to make sure you're both okay."

Aiden would be lying if he didn't admit to himself that her answer just made him feel crap. He actually had an urge to protest that he did love Pat so much that it hurt to breathe when he thought about being without him, too, but it didn't take away the reaction to run when Pat pushed him away. He might not have abandonment issues, but it still hurt to think about being without Pat. It hurt more than he knew how to deal with. He didn't say anything at first, instead rubbing his hand against his unshaven cheek and trying to find a place in his mind where he at least didn't feel like he was standing on a cliff and about to be pushed off. He also wanted to clarify that he never meant to imply he wanted to leave Pat, just that he couldn't stop thinking that Pat was better off without this if it’s what he wanted. He dropped his head down onto his forearm. "If I can't even make sense to you, how am I going to make sense to him?" he finally said helplessly.

Evie patted his back lightly and offered him a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I'm really not telling you all this to make you feel worse. It's just you asked a question, and I answered it. Usually it just tends to piss me off when Riley starts trying to tell me I'd be better off with someone else. I wouldn't, and I know that. Even if you want to hide, I'm sure it doesn't make you love Pat any less. As far as making me understand, you don't have to. I'm sure Pat will understand whatever it is you tell him. He's good like that."

"Does the dragging tiredness ever go away?" Aiden asked quietly. "What about the feeling that you're just never going to say or do the right thing ever again?"

At this Evie managed a small burst of quiet laughter. "Sometimes. Sometimes there are really, really good days. Take comfort in the fact that you'll probably get to nap with Pat a lot."

"Not if he goes back to Princeton," Aiden sighed. "I don't want him to go back. I want him to stay with me."

Evie frowned. "What makes you so sure he's going back? Have you asked him?"

Aiden shook his head. "I haven't had a chance to really talk to him about any of it. I wanted to. But then Cameron came back, Lachlan got sick, and everything just seemed to blow up. I mean, he was staying with me when it happened, but that was before he realised he was getting sick. I was going to talk to him about it, but now this has happened, I'm not so sure. Maybe he should just go back to Princeton to be with his friends who can take care of him second nature? I'm worried I'll make it all harder on him not knowing how to deal with it."

"We're just a phone call away. He doesn't need to go back to Princeton for you to get advice." Evie left her hand on Aiden's shoulder and looked at him. "I think we should get you back so that you can have a conversation with him. I'll get Cameron out of the way, and I'm sure Lachlan will stay out of it. If he doesn't, just call us in to gag him."

Aiden had to laugh a little at this. "Yeah, I'm not sure I could handle coming up against the scary twin and the passionate Scottish best friend," he admitted. "Thanks for coming in here to try and pick up the pieces with me. I know you must have been wondering how the fuck to tackle this. We haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other yet, but I appreciate it. A lot. More than I can say."

Evie grinned as she pulled back to give him some space again. "Hey, it's what almost-friends are for. You can thank me later with chocolate."

Aiden smiled and nodded. "Deal," he agreed.

Evie Miller (with Aiden Lewis, OCs)
House, MD
Words: 2951

All muses referenced with permission

For just_muse_me - 9.2.2

2008-12-09T02:51:01Z

9.2.2 Who in your life can you not live without?

[Related to THIS and all of Riley's HIV arc]

I know he doesn’t understand. I know he doesn’t see why I would weather everything that’s happened and still want to be with him. Why I would still find him attractive, and still love him.

Sometimes I catch him looking at me, and I’m sure he’s expecting me to get up and walk out and never look back. That’s not how it works. That’s not a decision that I will ever make. I would rather stand there and take all his sorrow and his pain and admit to the heartache and cry than lose him completely.

If he ever asked me why I was strong enough to do this, I know exactly what I would tell him. I’ve been here before. Maybe not the same kind of situation, but I have been here before. I lost my mother to breast cancer. There is nothing easy about getting someone through the chemotherapy and then have it not work. It’s not easy watching someone die.

Just like it’s not easy watching someone you love battle to hold onto hope. I’d rather watch Riley try and deal with being Positive, and try and hang on to hope than watch him die. The second he loses any idea that things might work out, I just know he’ll commit himself to death.

These aren’t easy thoughts to carry around, and I guess I try not to dwell on them because if I’m going to stay strong for him and for me then I need to look at the brighter side—which inevitably has me thinking of him and Tab watching The Life of Brian—but anyway. My point? I need to be the one holding onto the hope so that he knows that it’s possible. If he looks at me and he knows that I still believe we’ll make this work, that we have to make this work, he’ll be okay. He’ll be ready to shoulder some of that hope.

I love him with my heart and soul. If I think about a life without him it makes me cry. So despite everything, Riley is the one man I will never be able to live without. I already lost my Mom, and I lost my Dad for a little while to his mid-life crisis. I don’t need to lose my boyfriend too. I don’t want to lose him. I will keep fighting and keeping hanging on for as long as it takes.

Evie Miller (OC)
House, M.D.
Words: 407

Riley [pullmysteth] referenced with permission.

Apparently we're at the matching pajama stage...

2008-12-05T22:01:34Z

You Are Flannel Pajamas

You seek comfort above everything else. You rather feel good than look good.

You are a very relaxed person, especially when you're surrounded by your favorite things and people.

You are a homebody. Home is the place where you can truly be yourself.

You are likely to wear pajamas a lot. In fact, you often change into your pj's the minute you get home!

What Kind of Pajamas Are You?

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

2008-11-26T12:01:40Z

What Your Cupcake Says About You

At parties, you tend to be a social butterfly. You enjoy making conversation and making sure everyone is having fun.

You hardly have any restraint. You only hold yourself back when absolutely necessary.

The most important thing in your life is your significant other.

You are laid back, flexible, and easy to get along with. To know you is to care for you.

The Cupcake Test