TRACE THE SITE & START TO DECODE ;

ilkanta @ 2010-07-15T05:52:00

2010-07-14T21:50:12Z

Wash is sure this is how he's going to die.

The Meta ( maine ) is staring at him, inches away from his helmet, and Wash is squinting into the orange of it's ( his ) visor like he can see through it.

( But he can't, really, and he doesn't know what he'd even see, if he'd see a monster or a human or nothing at all, just an empty shell of what they've done to him, what they've done to them all. )

It's a bit like being face to face with a wild animal, Wash thinks to himself. It's dangerous and unpredictable and you can't back down, you can't back down, you have to stand your ground and you can't be weak or the chain snaps and you're mauled, you're paralyzed, you're dead. Wash coughs because it's getting hard to breathe, and the ( person ) thing responds by digging ( his ) it's fingers even deeper into his chest plate, driving the sharp points of his knuckles further into his skin, pressing him harder against the wall.

He doesn't know why he isn't dead. It's that animal thing, again, and they were all predators in a way, all of them, trained to seek and kill, but what the Meta is ( what maine has become ) is different, pure instinct and coiled up tension with no real human mind to guide it all, and Wash can feel it's ( his ) eyes on him, sizing him up, trying to decide whether or not he was even worth the time or effort to kill -- at the very least, that's what it feels like.

It makes him want to laugh, a little ( almost as much as it makes him sick ) because, god.

"How far have we fallen?"

The Meta ( MAINE ) tenses and pushes him even harder against the wall, and Wash chokes on the words before they're even completely out of his throat, hanging in the dead air between them. The space between them is even smaller, now, a bare few inches, and Wash can feel all of it's ( HIS ) weight pressed tight against his chest, crushing him, crushing his lungs, and his hands scrabble kind of pathetically along the armor of it's ( HIS ) arms, it's ( HIS ) shoulders, his breath going from a little uneven to crushingly desperate within a matter of seconds -- Wash swears that if not for their fucking helmets, he'd be able to feel the Meta's ( MAINE'S ) breath against his neck, wonders if they've ruined that too.

Maybe it ( HE ) doesn't breathe anymore.

( i know his name his name is maine his name is MAINE they can't have ruined us all they can't have ruined us all he's human he's there, isaac -- )

"Hey," Wash kind of chokes it out and it's barely a word, anyway, but Maine seems to understand, like a fucking animal, right tilting his head slightly to side as if he's listening, trying to figure out the sounds, it's fucking hard to breathe but Maine doesn't seem to be throttling him any more, and Wash takes that as a sign to keep talking.

"Somewhere," oh god oh god breathe, "Somewhere in there."

Maine's grip relaxes just the tiniest bit, and Wash nearly gags on the rush of too-welcome air into his lungs, his fingers curling tighter into Maine's armor in response -- there's something in it, though, something in his silence, you have my attention, don't fucking waste it or I'll snap your sorry little neck, and Wash takes a short, sharp breath.

( they can't have ruined us all. )

"Do you remember -- "

lMFAO YOU KNOW I MEANT THAT AS A SHORT PROLOGUE THING AND IT EXPLODED this gives you a good idea of how long everything is 8( i've had to split it into three. parts. parts. like chapters and shit. i really hope i can finish this...

ilkanta @ 2010-06-15T23:35:00

2010-06-15T15:35:40Z

I'M GOING TO DO THE NEX TMOVIE THING ANOTHER DAY, BUT THIS IS AN E3 TRACKING POST FOR MY PERSONAL BENEFIT. PLEASE IGNORE.

i'm happy just because i found out i'm really no one

2010-04-16T16:38:58Z

Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.
-- Lawrence Krauss

'

surprisingly not a carl sagan quote.

dear lj, IOU: one real post. well, i owe you several, actually, but lets take care of it slowly, shall we? tl;dr, i fucked up my school induction but i'm hoping to fix it tomorrow, getting into mgs ( look look solidsnaked ), falling in love with bright eyes, modwheelmood and lcd soundsystem all over again.

EDIT: sure, i'll bite.

ask me anything.

no, really, come on. i'll answer to the best of my ability, as truthfully as i can. honesty is good, don't you think, lj? anon's enabled, too, so whatever, guys. hit me.

don't make it look so pretty burning

2010-02-12T18:09:14Z

hey, guys, three things:

a) this is GAMER GIRL. it's a book about a gamer girl. it's badness is of a bit of a legend on /v/ and well i stumbled across it on my library the other day and now i have it. i'm going to READ IT, scan in some pages, and take you guys through it. like an LP of a game. except not. an LR of a book? a hideous book. it's like what happened if My Immortal was corrected for spelling, and then published, and instead of insulting Harry Potter it insulted gamers everywhere.

seriously, no, let me type out the book blurb for you guys. word for word. formatting is matched, too. first, the inlay.

ZOMG, IT ROX TO BE A GAMER GIRL!

Maddy's life: not so rockin'. Her parents split, she's stuck in a new, small town at a school full of Aberzombies and Haters, she has a crush on someone she really shouldn't like, and she's stuck with the nickname Freak Girl. Sometimes it's enough to retreat into her drawing -- her manga is totally important to her -- but when she gets Fields of Fantasy for her birthday, she knows she's found the one place she can be herself. In the game world, Maddy can transform from regular outcast high school student to Allora, a beautiful Elfin princess with magical powers to take down enemies with a snap of her fingers and a wave of her wand.

As Allora, Maddy's virtual life is perfect, and she even finds a little romance. But a real gamer girl understands that real life comes first -- Maddy can't escape from her IRL problems. She has to find ways to kick back at the Haters, rock her manga, and find the new, real-life friends she knows she deserves.

THEN, the stuff on the actual back cover.

I DECIDED to take Allora adventuring by herself. We headed over to the easy section, where the beginner quests were, and started attacking monsters with her firebombs. It didn't take long until I'd gained another level and was able to get some new, tougher armor and a more powerful magic wand. I also got a new spell-- a sort of ice shield thing that would help protect me. Pretty soon I was strong enough to head out of the town's gates and attack those wolves that had kicked my butt the day before.

"Woo hoo!" I cheered as my firebomb blasted them dead. "You go, Allora!"

[SirLeo] Well done, m'lady. I see that the wolves are no longer a trouble to thee.

My heart fluttered with excitement as I read the message sent from Sir Leo. He must have just logged on. Squee!

[Allora] Why, yes, I have been busy learning some powerful new spells to combat the evil wolves that once caused me so much pain.
[SirLeo] I am impressed. Perhaps you would care to join me on a further adventure? There is a small dragon in yonder cave that has been hoarding much treasure. We could slay it and then split the reward.
[Allora] That sounds like a most excellent plan.

GREAT, AIN'T IT.

b) mission101. i'm doing this, and i have most of my missions planned out. i'm still lacking a few though, so you know what, flist? BRING. IT. ON. stupid retarded shit, crazy shit, shit you think i should do, shit for the lulz, shit that is actually helpful, whatever. mission 101 is just a list of 101 goals to accomplish over 1001 days, so hey, hit me, flist.

c) a lot of you are going through tough spots, right now. ♥ ilu guys, alright?

fuck that i wanna see some fists pumping

2010-02-06T04:31:36Z

hay guys? srs rp questions, for the rpers on the flist. it'd be cool if you can spare the time to take a look but i do ramble on a bit under the cut so don't sweat it if you don't wanna, bbs.

SO LATELY idk i've been talking to people and rp isn't working out for some of us. i'm not implying that whoever-it-is-you-are-currently-reading-this is going through this, but i'm definitely having difficulty with rp lately. i mean on one hand i'm having a great time museboxing with individual people, but i can' seem to integrate myself into a game. i don't think i was built for that kind of environment, maybe, i just can't seem to click with new people that well, but i do want to really be in a game, with more than one person I can interact and build CR with.

some of you!! may remember that i've been working on an l4d-based game thing. it's definitely still there, regardless of what you may think, even if it's been in the back of my head for like maybe a year. less than that, but yeah. i've been fairly secretive about it and keeping most info on my hard drive, or asking for opinions from my irl-writer friends rather than my rpers because i'M NERVOUS AND INSECURE AS FUCK. but flist, my question is this: if i open it up to you guys as a sort of a private game, would any of you be interested?

i know all of you already, the app will exist but it'd be pretty low-key, you can invite your own friends but it'd be a pretty small, quiet thing. in other words it'd be A CIRCLEJERK but what the fuck ever, amirite. the plot i have in mind for this is pretty complicated, npc-intensive and with an actual path, and i'd be able to run it just like i'd run a tabletop game, except you know. on lj.

if you, like me, have any friends that are looking to get into rp/ljrp but don't know where to start, it'd be a good way, too, since we'd all be rather slack as a bunch of friends hanging out.

idk! i just think it'd be, well, fun. it's easier on me since my main fear with modding this was with how to handle a plot if there were too many people, and how to attract people to the game to begin with, and how to... keep myself interested in it if lately i'm just rping for friends and with friends. then again, there's nothing WRONG with just wanting to rp with your buddies, so why should we punish ourselves for it?

it'd be more than just a communal musebox. plot, events, etc. activity checks, no, but i hope that people will take it seriously and idk will be motivated by the fun to be had to keep active. meeting new people who are friends of friends, yes. serious business, yes. crack at the same time, yes, in fact the mood i've been going for with this game is sort of black comedy. app whoever the fuck you want, yes. ocs, yes.

all of the above, plus zombies.

what'd you say, guys? ♥ i'd just like your honest opinion, even if it's a simple y/n.

if you don't wanna, do this stupid fucking meme instead:

✖ Ask any of the characters I roleplay a question, and I'll reply in-character as them with an answer.
✖ Feel free to ask them ANYTHING, Regardless of whether you know their canon or not.
✖ Feel free to also ask them as your own character. They will respond accordingly.

YOU GUYS KNOW WHO I PLAY.

in other news, i've been... rediscovering why i used to be a 4chan addict. /b/ is addictive despite it not being nearly as fun as it used to be, i'm kind of part of the recent migration of /b/rothers into arcanines, and i'm loving it there. the new boards, /sci/ and /lit/ specifically? god, i love them.

also, my soul has always belonged to /v/. if you've played any modern warfare 2 at all, you must click this.

so for the people who don't give a shit about either of the above: STAR

ilkanta @ 2010-01-13T02:04:00

2010-01-12T18:05:17Z

FRIENDS CUT.

i just realized my flist needs a bit of a cleanup, mostly people who don't use lj anymore or the old journals of the fucking whores who keep moving journals that i was too lazy to defriend before. other than that, though, if i've removed you it's because we never talk at all or something, no hard feelings? ♥

just comment here if anything, yeah.

fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul away

2009-11-28T04:37:37Z

I decided that I wanted to upload a shitload of music for you guys whether you want it or not. Christmas spirit and everything.

So here's the start of it.

→ DOWNLOAD ←

UNKLE → PSYENCE FICTION

01. Intro ( Optional )
02. Guns Blazing ( The Drums of Death, Part 1 ) - Feat. Kool G Rap
03. UNKLE Main Title Theme
04. Bloodstain - Feat. Alice Temple
05. Unreal
06. Lonely Soul - Feat. Richard Ashcroft
07. Getting Ahead in the Lucrative Field of Artist Management
08. Nursery Rhyme / Breather - Feat. Badly Drawn Boy
09. Celestial Annihalation
10. The Knock ( The Drums of Death, Part 2 ) - Feat. Mike D
11. Chaos - Feat. Atlantique
12. Rabbit in Your Headlights - Feat. Thom Yorke
13. Outro ( Mandatory )

Yes, that is a lot of "featurings". Psyence Fiction came out in the late nineties and is a ridiculously awesome blend of breakthrough DJs and very popular musicians, and was very highly anticipated back in it's day -- and also created a major backlash among the underground electronica community. People from Radiohead, the Verve, Beastie Boys. Jason Newstead is in there, too, the Metallica bassist.

They're not too obscure though they've faded out a touch in recent years. It's a trip-hop electronica type thing, which you guys might not dig? But give a few songs a shot. My personal favourites are Lonely Soul, Shadow and Rabbit in Your Headlights, the reason I'm suddenly listening to them again being that I used Lonely Soul as a lyric for Desmond's journal since the song was used in one of the first ads ever for the first Assassin's Creed. I should get back to doing his app. The drums in Unreal and Guns Blazing are amazing but if nothing else you guys really should give Lonely Soul a listen.

Rabbit In Your Headlights had a fucking excellent music video which really exemplifies what I as a fan of film and music want to see in a music vids at least some of the time. Watching people jump around headbanging wildly and singing is cool and all but it's really a vignette, vid that really serves to compliment the music in terms of tone and meaning rather than "HAHA O THAT CRAZY GUITARIST LOOK AT HIS HAIR GO ILHIM SO MUCH". Watch it if you have 5 minutes to spare.

I'm gonna keep uploading albums at random from my entire collection, if anyone wants anything let me know because I just might have it. Merry Christmas, I guess? IDK I was just giving shud some music so I thought why the fuck not.

LMFAO okay back to my app or Chelsey will kill me 8| *rolls*

ilkanta @ 2009-11-25T02:49:00

2009-11-24T18:49:50Z

hi guys what's up move right along and pretend this doesn't exist griefer distracted me from a tag with retarded shit so this is just my attempt at the same

YEAH WHAT NOW bitch.

8hyPERVENTILATES*

2009-10-30T18:31:35Z

this is the best moment of my nerd life ever so far. asking neil gaiman what his favourite candy is, and getting an answer.

EDIT: in my excitement i texted some people about it evne though i knew they wouldn't be awake, like sam. who turned out to be awake after all.

me: OH MY GOD I WAS REPLIED TO ON TWITTER BY NEIL GAIMAN
sam: AS MUCH AS I SHARE YOUR AWE, THIS IS KIND OF SAD
me: DON'T RUIN THE MAGIC
sam: OKAY. SPARKLES!

sam ruins everything.

why do we sit around and break each other's hearts tonight

2009-10-20T08:02:54Z

So earlier today I went down to the bookstore today and I was just so depressed at all the books that I wanted to rant about it. But then I came upstairs and read some nerd news and I have something totally new to complain about that probably like... none, or very few of you, actually care about.

I'm no Modern Warfare fan. I mean uh I fully admit that Call of Duty is amazing and MW2 looked fucking fantastic, but something about the feel of the previous games failed to appeal to me. MW2 though is probably the most looked-forward to FPS since fucking Half-Life 2... or Halo 3, whatever, depending on which side of the road you travel on in FPS-world. But any fucking gamer will know that the main reason why the PC gaming industry is so prolifc-- and you know, shows no fucking signs of dying-- is because of a wonderful thing knon was the modding community. Companies like Valve take full advantage of the mod community and have generated an insane amount of loyalty from the fans because of this. I know Valve owns my soul.

But Infinity Ward just fucked their fanbase up the ass.

Call of Duty community manager Rob Bowling, also known as 'fourzerotwo', has confirmed in a podcast that the PC version of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 will not support user-created mods. Worse, it will not support dedicated servers. PC gamers will have to suffer peer-to-peer connections, just like their console-owning cousins.

Mr. Bowling could offer no defence for this move, and simply stated that: "The team's focusing on having it very equal on every platform" and "We're doing a lot of work on the back end."

Previous PC versions of CoD have supported dedicated servers. Their absence will apparently make the game "much more accessible to the PC community as a whole."

You can hear the podcast that the bitch revealed this information on HERE on uStream. Skip forward to about 1:40.

Having it equal on every platform? Much more accessible to the PC community? Motherfucking bullshit. I care very little for MW2, and even I'm feeling the backlash-- and I care very much for the industry as a whole, and for such a major release to give the PC community such a gigantic kick in the balls? Matters a lot. I thought I'd already heard the worst of it back when Blizzard announced that Starcraft 2 wasn't getting LAN-- which is, by the way, still retarded. Blizzard still has godknowshowlong to realize how much they're being stupid cunts about that. MW2 is due to be released in less than a month.

And to hit everyone with news this late? You have any idea how many people are cancelling their pre-orders ridled NERDRAEG and fury? Rob Bowling has already tested his grounds with the gaming community at large many, many times, and to be honest I already thought of him as a bit of a douche way before this. But IW's just spitting in the face of their main fanbase, here. They've taken tons of ideas from the modding community-- and I mean, fucking blatant ripoffs, given them absolutely zero credit, and now they've removed modding entirely from the game. It's so ridiculous I can't even phrase it properly. What the hell is next? Halo with no multiplayer? Assassin's Creed with no stabbing? Warcraft with no right-clicking?

The lack of dedicated is ridiculous, too. There's only one possible logical reason for all of this, and that is simple money-making greed. Now they can sell us map packs at $10 a map and there's no way for people to make their own maps. The modding community of any game-- take your fucking pick, Halo, Left 4 Dead, Empire Earth, Age of Empires, Resident Evil, Warcraft-- has, time after time, proven that it's been able to spit things out it's ass that's of higher quality than most professional developers can do. Not because of developers lack of skill, of course-- it's a labour of love and time and dedication, take for instance the amazing L4D custom campaigns which are the most fun thing ever, and the runaway hit-- now it's own WCG category-- from Warcraft, DotA. It's just... stupid.

There's now absolutely no reason to own the PC version. Way to fucking shit on the faces of all the fans that made you popular, IW. Activision is bound to do this again and again with all it's developers now that you've given them the heads up for it, and I hope they run you into the ground unless you turn around and admit what a fucking huge screwup this is.

[/raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeg]

EDIT: All this, I realize, is made even more amazing by the fact the amount of end-2009 AAA titles is insane and everyone's clamouring for attention. This probably made MW2 drop way down the list for any sane gamer. The sheer amount of AAA games this year infact caused tons of them to be pushed to early 2010, instead-- it's a good time to be a gamer. Such a good, sweet time. And maybe by the end of the year I'll actually have a rig to join in the festivities with.

there ain't nothing like seeing each other again

2009-10-16T13:51:03Z

lmfsd i kind of feel like. complete shit. today. i have a shitty headache right now. and i'm in kind of a fuck-all mood, so uh sorry if i'm not... the greatest conversation today, gaiz. trillian's being an ass, too.

but tomorrow, tomorrow. going with arcferrier, un_endlich, kileiah and a whole bunch of people to camp outside the ticket booth of the arts house at like 8.30 am to make sure we get tickets for gaiman.

anon meme later, too. uhhh honestly i don't care that much anymore but it's still fun to read. but i hang out at anon talk quite a lot now, so yeah. also, jan moir is a bitch, and balloon boy is... so retarded.

hghh i don't even know *smashes head against wall* hope tomorrow goes well though.

EDIT: OH BUT HEY guys i have a present for you

Cable & Deadpool! all of it. you need CD display to open the files, you can download that online for free, just google.

this is what happens when abi reads shakespeare too fucking much

2009-10-08T17:00:09Z

HELENA: O teach me how you look, and with what art
You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart.

HERMIA: I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

HELENA: O that your frowns would teach my smiles skill!

HERMIA: I give him curses, yet he gives me love.

HELENA: O that my prayers could such affection move!

HERMIA: The more I hate, the more he follows me.

HELENA: The more I love, the more he hateth me.

HERMIA: His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.

HELENA: None but your beauty; would that fault were mine!

HERMIA: Take comfort: he no more shall see my face;
Lysander and myself will flee this place.
Before the time I did my O levels see,
Seemed Shakespeare as a paradise to me:
O, then, what graces in my love do dwell,
That it hath turned my heaven unto hell!

LYSANDER: Helena, I see you were mistook
For this exam is not open book.
Tis' ridiculous and pointless still,
Brute-force memory's not a literary skill.
Alas, through this piece of shit you must suffer,
Memorizing 451 is going to be tougher.
You really need this goddamn grade
So surely some effort's an even trade.

HERMIA: Truth, a truth, I do confess it's true.

LYSANDER: Then you will try?

HERMIA: Hell no! Fuck you.

LYSANDER: I will, my Hermia.

HERMIA: ...

[ Exit HERMIA ]

LYSANDER: Helena, such luck:
That this syllabus just fucking sucks.

[ Exit LYSANDER ]

i don't care if i just butchered the bard and i don't care if not all the syllable counts work. if i have to read this fucking play one more time i will motherfucking choke a bitch

sadly i already know i have to there are just no bitches around for me to choke

EDIT:

DAMNIT TWITTER UNFREEZE ALREADY

we are not who you think we are

2009-10-02T14:16:04Z

Mf this fic I've been working on is taking awhile. 8| It's MOAR RVB GUYS I'm sorry but my brain is really, really pretty stuck on Red vs. Blue right now. It's like one of my favourite cherished series that I'll never let go of forever and ever and ever, and now that I'm finally starting to slide into doing fandom-type-shit with it I'm a very, very happy fangirl. I know like none of you except Chelsey are into it so 8( Sorry. OR YOU COULD ALWAYS WATCH IT... each episode lasts between 3-7 minutes on average, 100 episode main season Blood Gulch Chronicles, 5 episode Out of Mind, 4 episode Recovery One, 19 episode Reconstruction, 4 episode Relocation, and we're 15 episodes into Recreation, which looks like it's gonna be much longer than Reconstruction, and a bunch of hilarious PSAs and shit. It's just... good. And funny. Yeah. I recited all of that shit from MEMORY so you have a good idea of how much I love it.

I think... Emmy's watching it? Burning mentioned it, too, but a pretty long time ago? I'm not sure.

But I'm excited for OTHER THINGS! So many things that I actually need one of them lists here, to remind me to check up on news and shit. Sob. Uncharted 2! Assassin's Creed 2! Brutal Legend! I need Brutal Legend so fucking badly! Uncharted 2 too (HAHA)! I think in a week or two I might be able to go to Bob's house with Jackie, so I can play his copy of Halo Firefly! ...Yes, Halo Firefly. I know it's ODST but like everyone from Firefly is in there. Which is amazing. And yeah I'm thinking of rewatching Firefly? I did it... once. IDK if there're that many sci-fi fans on the flist, apart from some Trek fans. azuire, what say you, you up for some browncoat space adventures?

Sob it's so not a good idea for me to get myself psyched for video games when I can't play them and I have studying to do. But yeah school-wise I've decided to skip the fuck out of school- my mom knows this, and I cleared out my room todaaay it's so neat guys. So neat.

ALSO: I don't like Kill Bill. Never have. Never will. Stop trying to convince me, gaiz. 8| I harbor a deep hatred for it as it made me lose hope for Tarantino, though I'm sure Inglorious Basterds redeemed him, but yeah lol M18 I'll wait to torrent. I found vol 1 to be just... monotonous and ridiculously dull? I mean I love over the top violence but there was so much of it and it was so over-the-top and bland and overdone that I didn't enjoy it. 2 was better, but still bad. I lost respect for every actor/actress within the movies because it was just a showcase of fightscene after fightscene and all the attempts to link it with emotion and story were just so bad that it made the actors/actresses seem terrible. I don't know, I guess after stuff I love as much as Resevoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, it was just kind of. Gksaldjsfkasjfsf.

I really want to watch Zombieland, though. But I don't think that shit is coming out in Singapore. Ugh.

I'm fully caught up with Order of the Stick. Someone needs to read it with me. Webcomic, based on D&D but not really. It's just one of the best things ever, okay.

mf alright *slides back to writing* i have no idea why i decided to capitalize this okay.

five million years later...

2009-09-27T19:35:56Z

Title: Untitled, Part I.
Fandom: Red vs. Blue.
Characters/Pairing: Washington/Church.
Rating: Hard R.
Summary: Church doesn't exactly have anywhere to go, so that's not the problem. It's just that Wash doesn't fucking let him leave.
Notes: For griefer, the abusive bitch. Uh Church has a body, because I say so. Post-Reconstruction and completely deviating from canon from there. ~6k words, which is TOO LONG TO FIT IN ONE POST, but the next part is linked at the end. Fake cut to writing journal.

( hate is so heavy when you're weak )

YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS SHIT TOOK ME *SLAMS IT DOWN* TWO MOTHERFUCKING PARTS deargod

ilkanta @ 2009-09-16T16:02:00

2009-09-16T08:05:56Z

GUYS HELP i'm posting from the shitty laptop in the living room that my dad uses for work it has no many veritcal lines down it i can barely read what i'm typing

i've been home sincel ike 2.30 but my laptop seems to e genuinely dtermined to DIE. at first the internet just wasn't connecting, which i usually can fix using a quick router restart and reboot of the laptop- but for some reason after rebooting it tells me that it failed to boot one of the .dlls, and then EVERYTHING IS LAGGING my CPU usage is at 100% and i can't even open the start menu even though nothing at all is open. i'm going to cry lmfao my phone got confiscated today at school and i was like "oh it's okay i still have my internet 8(" AND NOW I DON'T OH MY GODDD

so i booted up oin safe mode and tried to restore BUT I CAN'T RESTORE C DRIVE BECAUSE LOL IT'S A FUCKING BLACK HOLE REMEMBER OH GOD it doesn't have enough space to restore. so i run in and uninstall some programs frantically and i get like 400+ MB worth of space, which is blackhole!C drive on a good day. i go to restore 9it needs 300MB to restore) and it tells me that there are NO RESTOREP OINTS because in order for there to have been 400MB free the fucking computer apparently cleared my restorep oints but that restore point was made over 2 weeks ago durin gan update and my C drive space at some point was 700MB free earlier this week so HOW DOES THAT WORK

BUT OH MY GOD GUYS my parents won't buy me a new laptop they really won't and this shit is dying klsjdlakjdslajfs i want to watch reconstruction man. ;; and talk to people oh my godd flkajfalfsh HALP

Ledit: fklasjfdsd knmf i'm just panic attacking all over the place and my parents are just eyeing me with their beady little "youre such an addict" eyes they don't understaaand i need this shit to stay sane man 8( THAT AND LIKE A LOT OF MY ART SHIT IS STILL STORED ON THAT FUCKING THING IF IT DIES I AM SO FUCKED FOR O LEVELS TOO OH MY GOD

okay i'm going to reboot it again and try and figure out what the fuck that missing .dll is and how to fix it. how could a .dll spontaneously go missing over the course of a few hours that's not how computers work

OKAY NEVERMIND I THINK I GOT THIS. for some reason a .dll got relocated and corrupted? but if i rework the boot pathings and try to force a restore i might be able to solve this. i think that's the problem i'm really not sure i only have a very very fundamental understanding of OS-related crap

and if that IS the problem i still have no idea how it happened. 8( but here it goes

god knows you're lonely souls

2009-09-14T09:30:41Z

I have a fair lot of shit to talk about today, Eljay, so let's get started!

TL;DR under both cuts. I love to do long rambly review things so uh. Yeah. Rambly. Spoilers are marked out under the cuts themselves.

9

Sadly does not make for a very dramatic header, seeing as it's... a digit. But it isn't called "nine", so yeah.

As most of you guys have probably heard, 9 was stirred up by rounds and rounds of months of ridiculous HYPE, and when it was finally released was greeted by a resounding "YAWN". Not really- it wasn't boring, certainly, and it definitely wasn't very dull. It was absolutely gorgeous, and even though I think it's the only major animated feature to not be released in 3D this year, I always reaaaally wanted to reach out and touch whatever was on the screen, and caught myself starting to do it at least once or twice. The art direction is amazing, and the action sequences are very well scripted- throughout the movie I was never once bored, and I was definitely very entertained throughout the whole thing.

It was cute in the right places, scary in the right places, and managed to mantain the right mood. The sense of atmosphere was acheived masterfully, subtle changes in music setting the mood for each scene, and the pacing was well done. The characters were- underveloped, but endearing, in their little stichpunky (as those things are apparently called!) way. It made me laugh a few times, from genuine humor and from me going "LOL GHOSTBUSTERS" at the screen, but it was still funny.

Aaaand yet, right at the end, all I got was a large sense of "Well, that could've been better".

Trying to discuss why this is without going into specific plot details is a bit difficult- and honestly spoilers won't affect your experience at all, but I'll try nontheless. The narrative is- weak, to say the least. The characters lack substance beyond basic traits, but that's something common of many films nowadays, so I can look past that. But the plot itself, while honestly incredibly contrived and will cause no less than three or four dramatic eyerolls from most of the audience (TECHNOLOGY WAS OUR RUIN!! THE FUTURE IS OURS TO MAKE!!! WAR SUCKS!1! QUESTIONS ARE DANGEROUS!!!!), is interesting. There's a lot of room for development, but it feels like the movie's just a glimpse at a window, and then you're shuffling out the theater again wondering "Was that it?"

It was short. 80minutesish. So maybe that's why it gives you that sort of a feeling, but the problem is that the movie did it on purpose. The movie tries to do the whole "this is just a taste of a whole big epic tale!" type thing, but it falls short and becomes really, really glaring. Maybe that isn't the right way to put it- you can tell that it very much purposefully doesn't tell you anything. It throws you into the middle of the apocalypse and explains nothing, not the existence of the stichpunks, not the reason why everything exploded. It wants you to fill in the gaps, and tries to be that kind of movie that makes you think, that doesn't give you information so it can be universally applicable. And at first glance it's great, and I was totally with it- who needs to know why the war started, how it ended? War is war, and meaningless, so it doesn't matter. What matters is the aftermath, what matters is now, and what matters is what this little doll guy is going to make of it. I'm kind of tired of the Nazi allusions everywhere, though (not that it was strong here, I'm just tired of seeing them).

Infact, when we first look out onto the completely fucked over world, I was instantly reminded of one of my favourite game openings and one of the most memorable video game quotes (for me) of all time, from Fallout, found here: "War. War never changes." COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THIS 9 RANTING but seriously one of the most meaningful monologues I've ever heard, give it a listen.

But it fails. It doesn't give us that kind of a feeling at all. In order to do that, I think, we need a fundamental link to the character- in this case, the titular 9- so that we can view the world through his funky little gear-shaped eyes. But he's BORING. He's adorable, sure, but he's completely boring. He's just the generic hero that asks too many questions, who is eventually put up against the generic old guy too set in his ways, with so many ridiculously IN-YO-FACE symbols about being the guy-who-leads-the-way-with-the-light your eyes will just be rolling back into your sockets. Plus, for the first 3/4 of the movie, nothing really happens- I mean, stuff happens, events trigger each other that make narrative sense, but there's no sense of overall purpose to the whole thing. Just a bunch of logical, but meaningless, sequences. You'll see the plot twist reveal at that 3/4 mark from 500 miles away if you're genre savvy enough, and then it just becomes even LESS effective. It's kind of sad.

It makes it clear as it goes on it's a sort of a fairly-literal metaphor, a story about The Human Soul vs. The Heartless Machine, a story about the triumph of humanity above it's own failures, but it's just so fucking shallow. All it basically does is slap the label "human soul" on a bunch of cute things, the label "not soul" on a scary thing, and then let the cute things win. Woooooo.

SPOILERS There's two places in the movie that feel particularly... bad. And sadly are some of the most dramatic points. When 1 utters the line about how "one must be sacrificed", anyone would predict his death and THEN HE GOES AHEAD AND REPEATS IT DRAMATICALLY AND THEN DIES I mean come on.

Being fragments of the professor's soul made me lol in my head because of the horcrux parallels, but this was pretty obvious from the get-go to me. The way they all came out of the thing at the end was LOL PRIORI INCANTEM + GHOSTBUSTERS TRAP THING, too. Plus so what if they're supposed to be preservations of the human soul? SO WHAT? You can't just give us the damn reveal and then do absolutely nothing with it, especially when it was a REALLY OBVIOUS REVEAL.

And that thing right at the end? "What happens now?" IT'S THE MOVIE LITERALLY SHOVING IT'S MORAL IN YOUR FACE. It's like telling the story of Little Red Riding Hood only instead of the girl being eaten, the lumberjack just wanders over to the girl when she's skipping off to grandma and says "Hey, don't talk to strangers!" and she's like "LOL OKAY" and then she gets to grandma and the story ends. It's really, really frustrating.

Besides, I was actually kind of delighted that the stitchpunks all appeared to be genderless at first, until the GIRL showed up. Though I kept track to the best of my ability during the movie, and at no point was 7 referred to by pronoun. So they tried, I guess. /SPOILERS

So yeah. Maybe I just went in with unrealistically high expectations (All the Hype, + Burton, + I just saw Up the other day and it was FUCKALLFANTASTIC), maybe I'm just really picky when it comes to narrative, but I was just really, really underwhelmed. It wasn't bad, but more of a "Wait for the DVD and give it a rent" movie than a "GO OUT AND BUY IT NOW YOU STUPID WHORES" one. Good movie, spectacular visuals- pity that the story fell short of it's prettiness.

...But it's a kid's movie. And does fine in that regard. *sobs over self*

EDIT: Actually I'm too lazy to do the rest now, but I want to. Maybe I'll edit it in or post them seperately. After I'm done tagging Chelsey and playing some Catan with Josh and shit. I uh basically also wanted to talk about City of Bones and why it sucks and about it's few but existent merits, and how VIDEO GAMES ARE ART YOU DIPSHITS (with reference to The Path, which is that game mentioned on today's F!S, if it sounds familiar).

ALSO I've decided on my project for Nano this year. I already have a very solid idea of all the characters in this as it's one of those little pocketworlds in my head I've quite thoroughly developed, but it isn't nearly as ambitious as my other more elaborate ones, so it'd be manageable. I'm going to be writing Gay Urban Fantasy, and none of you can stop me. It'll be my valiant attempt to write something that isn't fanfic and yet is not ridiculously light on characterization, while not having the plot feel like a framing device. I have no title. I never have a title.

Don't think it'd be explicit, though. Not in porn. In violence, yes. But then again, those are pretty much the same thing to me nowadays.

everybody's doing it

2009-08-26T04:34:26Z

ANONYMOUS CONFESSION MEME

Tell me a story. Write me a novel, or give me a single sentence, one word. Give me a comment and see if I can figure it out. Tell me of your love, your hate, tell me you don't care.

Confess to something you're proud of, admit to something you're ashamed of. Tell me your deepest secrets, or tell me something you think I should know about you and don't. Ask me anything you would like to know about me. Get something off your chest, tell me I'm an idiot. Tell me you're an idiot.

Tell me you love me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you love someone else. Tell me anything of worth or just something random you want to share. Ask for my advice on something. Give me your advice on something. Tell me we should talk more. Tell me we should talk less. Ask me "truth or dare." Anything. I'll listen, and comment back if you so desire.

Comment logged in or anonymous, if you'd like to keep your identity a secret.

i always wanted to try this. curious to see if i'll get anything. i'll try and be honest with questions.

does anyone know a place to watch trueblood that doesn't hate singapore/isn't megavideo.

science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart

2009-07-25T18:32:31Z

This entry's gonna be all over the place.

Guitar itself was pretty fun today, but afters Damien, Cancy and I sat around in Macs and eventually started speculating on the possibility of Teddy Lupin being a Metamorphmagus. We went into genetics, and eventually we ended up scientifically explaining Lycanthropy and Vampirism and other weird shit like that.

Pseudoscientifically, of course, anyone remotely educated in any of these things INCLUDING OURSELVES can see glaring errors. But hey, it was fun.

REGARDING TEDDY:

Now logically Metamorphmag...ism is a hereditary trait, albeit ridiculously rare. A recessive gene that requires double representation in order to be expressed is the most likely cause. Since Metamorphmagi clearly have the ability to somehow freely modify their genetic material, it makes perfect sense that this ability will be able to be passed on through reproduction, so Teddy being a Metamorphmaagus is possible.

LYCANTHROPY, on the other hand, is more tricky. While we'll elaborate on that later, Lycantropy is not an inborn condition and hence not likely to be hereditary unless it affects the new werewolf's DNA upon being bitten. But if we assume that it's hereditary, you know what could possibly happen?

Teddy would be a fucking metamorphmagawolf thing. Now you might be thinking, HOLY SHIT! What's the point of being a werewolf then? I mean he'd just transform into a wolf and then go "oh man I'm bored of this *turns back into a human metamorphmagus-style*. But while the limits of metamorphmagy were never explicitly stated, it's safe to assume that the changes are very very minor, so Teddy could be a pink-furred werewolf.

Until you again remember that: a) Wolves are completely colorblind, and b) Metamorphmagy requires conscious control. In the were state, Teddy would probably be unable to control his Metamorphmagy, but since he's colorblind he wouldn't be able to see anything wrong.

Therefore, Teddy would be a fucking DISCO BALL WOLF that rapidly changes color like an acid-trip rainbow. That's right, Ted Lupin would require a goddamn epilepsy warning.

Teddy "Rainbow Ted" Lupin is possibly the best theoretical werewolf ever. Personally I feel that since Twilight has sparkling vampires, their werewolves too should be capable of some form of psychadelic display. If Jacob does infact have this ability, then I demand a fucking dance-off.

REGARDING LYCANTHROPY;

Going with classic legends of Lycanthropy, as much of a White Wolf fan as I am, this is what we know.
NOT INBORN. One is not "born" a werewolf.
INFECTION. You become a werewolf only by being bitten by another werewolf. We're ignoring all the WEARING THE SKIN OF A WOLF AT X WHILE SAYING Y type crap.
TRANSFORMATION. Occurs in accordance with the moon cycle.
WEAKNESSES. Silver. Wolfsbane.
BADASS. Can't deny it.

After debating a shitload, we eventually arrived at the conclusion that Lycanthropy came in the form of a virus. The virus works by infecting the bloodstream and, as viruses do, turning cells into virus-making machines, hence self-perptuating throughout the system. The difference being, the virus literally interferes with the processes of protein synthesis and RNA translation. Through this, it creates a NEW double-helix structure of DNA in every nucelus of the body. Yes. Every.

It's a very hyperactive virus.

See, transformations can take place in two ways: through the spontaneous rearranging of the cells in the body, which requires a tremendous amount of energy, or through the spontaneous destruction and regeneration of the cells in the body, which... yeah is kind of ridiculous because you die and come back and then you'd be a zombie werewolf, and that kind of thing just doesn't happen, unless the virus was also capable of introducing rapid regeneration into the host's system. Which while possible, is something we aren't working with.

The NEW double-helix structure we talked about before, then, is the "wolf form". The virus goes through a certain timing cycle, possibly triggered either by fluctuations in gravity from the moon's pull (unlikely, being how minor those effects are), exposure to the particular wavelength of moonlight (checked up, moonlight is infact a different wavelength from sunlight),the host's biological clock, or just... a cycle that HAPPENS TO COINCIDE with the moon cycle, and triggers the transformation. Most likely, the factors are a combination of the above, especially after noting that werewolves transform only during the NIGHTS of the full moon period. The transformation "activates" the normally dormant werewolf-form DNA, via the reading of the new structure it interferes with the entire body and all the cells rearrange themselves to form something somewhat fuzzier and significantly scarier. This includes chemical signals to the brain that introduce predatory drives.

It's a bit of a stretch of the imagination but fuck you, they're WEREWOLVES. We're trying.

While the werewolf-form DNA is activated, part of the commands it is sending out is to deconstruct itself. Hence after a period of time the werewolf-form structure is destroyed, the human DNA regains dominance, the host returns to normal, and the virus reassembles another werewolf helix structure. It's possible that the assembly time and all that is the reason for the monthly cycle.

WHY the virus does this is actually pretty simple to explain. AS the Selfish Gene so kindly informed us all, most forms of life can pretty mcuh be thought of as self-replicating machines. WE exist solely to pass on genes and create more genes, and in other words the virus over time evolves to perpetuate itself, because that is what needs to be done. Werewolves infect others through their bites- but it's also been shown (HARRY POTTER, BILL, WHEN HE WAS CLAWED AT BY A WEREWOLF) that attacks with claws can cause minor side-effects, although not full lycanthropy. It can be assumed then that their fangs/claws hold some form of venom. Hence you can think of it that in the human form this venom does not exist, so in order to infect other people and perpetuate itself, the were form is necessary.

Even if the venom existed in human form, people don't go around biting other people. So yeah.

Vulnerability to silver and wolfsbane is something we spent forever trying to explain in the coolest way, but really the most elegant solution- occam's razor, yay- is that it's a simple allergic reaction. The virus fundamentally alters the host's genetic structure, and it's feasible that it could cause allergic reactions to the two. We can't bring alchemy into this, so yeah, that's pretty much it, noting that silver's high reactivity is something to work with.

If it's reactivity had to do with the thing, though, that means that any reactive metal could be used against a werewolf. Making Francium bullets is highly amusing- completely impossible, because the gun would kind of spontaneously combust in your hand the moment you finsiehd making it. So it's more of a bomb, really.

Noted that werewolves have been around for a shitlong time, at least 14th century, and technology at the time would have been sufficient to make silver musket balls, if you were in China. The rest of the world's a little behind, and actual silver bullets come a lot later. It's likely therefore that people of the time stuck to silver swords and stabbing things.

Regaring TEDDY LUPIN, again: since lycanthropy is a virus that affects the genetic structure, it COULD be passed down to the child in at least a mild form. So yeah, fucking disco ball wolves.

REGARDING VAMPIRISM;

Classical vampires, again. Except for the stuff about not being able to cross running water, the need to obsessively count piles of salt/rice/grain/etc. Those are just myths.

We also discounted the bat thing. It only made sense if the vampire was to transform into a really fucking huge bat, because if it transformed into one, there's the problem of where all the extra mass goes, and how the hell it gets created out of nowhere once the vampire transforms back. The Animorph-esque idea of Z-space could work here, but yeah. Also in certain mythos, such as Discworld, the vampire instead transforms into multiple bats with a sort of hive-consciousness in order to make up for the mass problem, but this presents the problem of being able to SPLIT YOUR BRAIN INTO PEICES AND HAVE IT REFORM AND HAVE YOU STILL BE THE SAME PERSON. Rather like the transporter problem- destruction and reassembly- we have no idea if that'd be the same person, if "soul" remains if it exists, etc.

So yeah, no, but Vampirism is a parasite.

Not just any parasite. Vampirism is literally parasitic blood, mutated to extreme complexity- vampiric blood cells contain nuclei. They're not so much blood cells as yeah LOADS of parasitic organisms that doubly function as a bloodstream, carrying oxygen and water and whatnot, but in a weak sor tof way they do have a form of hive-consciousness. For awhile we toyed with the idea of the ORIGINAL vampires, the very first ones in classical folklore, which really weren't very different from zombies. The idea that the vampire was at the very least completely braindead, but the blood itself kept the flesh tissue and all that alive, capable of making use of the brain in order to send very basic commands such as "go there" and "bite the shit out of that". Sadly though this makes vampires much less cool, so we scrapped that.

Instead the blood forms a bond with it's unwilling host. Upon being bitten, parasitic blood enters the system, rapidly multiples and infact uses the host's normal human blood as it's own sustenance, literally EATING THE HUMAN BLOOD and replacing it with itself. The vampiric blood in turn affects the rest of the body, including the synthesis of chemicals in the brain which provide the person- which is STILL THE SAME PERSON, just with vampiric blood- with the drive to bite and drink blood.

Yeah, it is really creepy to think about "living" parasitic blood. askdjasd.

Vampiric blood causes the body to have a ridiculously low metabolism rate, drastically increasing lifespan to the point of practical immortality. It's also very, very, very efficient because of this low metabolism- despite the lack of real food sustenance due to the host's usual diet of blood rather than normal food, the body is capable of turning just about all of this to energy, more than 90% rather than the usual 10% of most organisms. This means that the vampire has a lot of energy to be used to achieve feats of super strength and super speed, and it also means that the vampire loses very little energy as heat, leaving their skin cool to the touch.

Vampires are primarily nocturnal things- mostly because of their excellent nightvision. Too excellent, infact- the parasite causes the cones and rods in the eye to malfunction slightly and not be able to switch back and forth between day and night vision so easily. To compensate for this the parasite introduces a third sensor that you can call whatever shape you want, ring ball bowl sphere pyramid pentagon tesseract, that is sensitive to ultraviolet light. They however, can't exactly deactivate- this means that under daylight, they risk going completely blind.

In addition, the parasite causes a condition very similar to Xeroderma Pigmentosum, better known as an "allergy" to sunlight. The skin is unable to properly regenerate from UV light damage, making it essential to avoid sunlight entirely- infact they are so sensitive to it that it causes extreme pain and the literal sensation of being burned should they be under direct sunlight. This variation of the condition also comes with a lack of melanin in the skin- which is responsible for their beautiful marble complexions.

In the case of Twilight vampires, this is replaced with a very reflective form of pigment, possibly silicon-based, that causes that signature Cullen Sparkle.

Vampires have the predatory drive for reasons similar to werewolves- the parasite wants to perpetuate itself. Vampirism can be spread through the contact of bodily fluids, blood-to-blood contact (VAMPIRISM IS AIDS!!11!), and since the vampire eats blood anyway, two things in one: bite other people to infect them and spread the parasite, and gain sustenance. Pretty decent tradeoff.

Vampiric aversion to garlic is explained as a simple allergic reaction, again. Also, garlic is known to be very, very effective at killing germs, so the parasite probably wouldn't like that shit. THe blood also introcues rapid regeneration into the system- a stake to the heart works because of the severe bleedout and the interferance with blood being pumped throughout the body. Without the creepy parasitic blood, most of the vampire's abilities are lost, and hence it dies like a normal person stabbed through the chest.

Cures for vampirism probably don't exist since they kind of are your BLOOD now. It's perhaps possible for serums to be created in order to counteract the blood's infleunce on the brain, however. The traditional cure for vampirism, though, is death.

The one thing we haven't been able to properly explain is the aversion to crosses. In the folklore the reason why Vampires are scared of crosses is because of fear of God- the geater the faith of the man behin dthe cross, the more the Vampire feels like screaming like a little girl. In more modern adaptations, such as my beloved White Wolf mythos, faith itself is what the vampire fears- some guy was able to repel a vampire, through is faith in the power of money and the capitalist economy, using a credit card. Since we can't exactly pseudo-scientifically rationalize faith, we'll have to look into how the brain recognizes and processes visual information, and what happens to a vampire's brain when they recognize an X shape.

AVADA KEDAVRA;

We didn't have enough time to try and work out a possible scientific explanation for magic in general, as that required things such as defining magic, but it's possible for it to be the fifth force of the universe: electrostatic force, gravitational force, nuclear strong force, nuclear weak force, and magic. This means that of course a possible candidate for a theory of everything is "A Wizard Did It".

But we wanted to try and come up with things for spells- Point Me, for example, is caused by rapid magnetization of the wand, and Petrificus Totalus literally triggers rigor mortis in a living person. The Imperius curse we have trouble with, Stupefy being a loss of consciousness, and Crucio being a very fucking painful seizure because you're having it while you're conscious and fully aware. Avada Kedavra, on the other hand, the killing spell that leaves no marks?

Well Moody mentions that if there insignfiicant killing intent/skill behind the wielder, attempts at the killing curse could fail. Failed killing curses, as he said, could cause nothing more than a nosebleed. Nosebleeds are caused by burst capillaries in the nose bridge area- therefore Avada Kedavra must somehow be related to a bleed-death.

This means that the killing curse "leaving no mark" only means leaving no scars and all that. Avada Kedavra therefore could work by causing spontaneous internal haemorrhagging like everywhere, but that's not very elegant or very classy.

Instead, what we think is possible is that a failed curse forms a blood clot in the nosebridge, which results in a buildup of pressure behind the clot and the capillary bursting, and then the nosebleed. A fully successful curse, though, would cause spontaneous clotting throughout the entire body, literally suffocating the brain. This would take a few seconds for the brain to actually "die", but they would be a few UNCONSCIOUS seconds- it leaves enough of a timeframe to explain things such as Sirius' shocked look at Harry, though (a reflex action that requires no conscious thought to control).

Other theories include some kind of a sonic blast (difficult as it would be very noticable all around, plus this would indicate that the spell is capable of killing more than one person at once, especially the caster himself), spontaneous shutdown of the brain (which is weird? Cancy suggested it be done through trauma, which means that the spell is REALLy just a glorified punch to the head), and... yeah.

We hope to explain how Harry Potter actually did live, because "love" is bullshit.

And: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE GAY, youtube link, stolen from zealmightyspork. Don't... raise an eyebrow at it, just close your eyes and go with it. Bawww.

To add more to the lack of focus on this entry.

Clerks: The Animated Series
The Critic
Gargoyles
The Real Ghostbusters
Clone High
Teen Titans (Lmfao yeah)
Star Wars: Clone Wars
Johnny Quest
Todd MacFarlane's Spawn
Batman Beyond
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Justice League Unlimited
IDK it just occured to me that of all the anime/manga I have to watch, I wanted to rewatch some western stuff too. Even if I have already seen Clone High like 500 times.

You know what would be awesome? JOHNNY QUEST LIVE ACTION MOVIE. Fuck yes. Questworld in glorious HD CGI on the silver screen.

yeah the magic's in the music and the music's in me

2009-07-02T09:37:40Z

MEME TIME GUYS

010 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO 10 DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
001 I wish I could stop being so damn flakey about talking to people so I can. Talk to you.
002 I find your situation absolutely hilarious, even though it's honestly very serious. I sort of feel bad for it, but I'm too busy laughing!
003 You're kind of annoying. It's because you try too hard. Stop it, seriously.
004 I can't decide if I actually like you or not.
005 Omg where did you go. ;; I miss talking to you bb.
006 I'm horrifically jealous of you, and even more frustrated that you can't see how lucky you are. It's probably why I don't talk to you that much.
007 I know I don't really act like it, but I do miss you.
008 Listen, you're a great friend, but you're way too fucking self-pitying it's gone into the "pathetic" range. Also stop complaining so much about him, you two are exactly alike.
009 You have no idea how much you actually mean to me.
010 I still wonder where the fuck our friendship went. And if you ever found out what I thought about you.

009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.
001 I have ambition, but no drive. It's a weird combination.
002 For like the longest time I always chewed up my food, spat it out, rolled it up, shoved it around in sauce a bit, then ate it again. Rice, chicken, potato chips. It's gross, and I still do it sometimes out of habit. Lol.
003 I think my brother planted the seeds of gamer-nerdiness in me, and my sister the academic-nerdiness, and I went sort of crazy with it. It's the only explanation!
004 I like whacking stuff against my head/shoulders. Kind of like picking at nails or whatever when you're bored, I either pick at my skin or i grab a coathanger or something and start bashing myself. ...Idek.
005 I have no idea how to be a girly girl. <-- this (masochista)
006 I want to act, but. Yeah, too shy. So. Sob. <-- also this (masochista)
007 I want to be handsome/pretty/uhidk except I'm too confused to do anything about it.
008 >:3 JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION
009 GET IN THE CAR

008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.
001 Have kickass hair.
002 Share my taste in music. And humor.
003 Being fannish would be such a plus.
004 Don't bore me. I get bored so easily.
005 Don't defend my feminity. It confuses me.
006 Be interested in politics. Not hardcore, but enough to have armchair political discussions.
007 Don't be shy. I appreciate the quiet sweet ones from afar, but the ones that get me are the wild, badass, impulsive and aggressive ones.
008 Don't be vanilla. Man that would be such a turn-off.

007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.
001 RP
002 Fandom
003 Music
004 World affairs
005 Very random strings of thought
006 The words "I'm tired" and "The end of the world as we know it" appear very often in my thoughts when I allow them to drift
007 A permanent loop of music that changes against my will at random intervals

006 THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.
001 LJ/RP/Twitter/Email/Facebook/Newsfeeds/Subscriptions/Gaming sites/blagh
002 Turn on WMP and pick an episode of Mythbusters. I switch it to shuffle and hit next twice to get a "truly random" ep. It makes sense to me stfu.
003 Go to the bathroom.
004 Turn out the light.
005 Rearrange all my pillows into PROPER SLEEPING FORMATION.
006 Say goodnight to people, talk to them for like 45 minutes more, then go to sleep.

005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.
001 Friends
002 Family
003 Dog
004 Batman
005 Optimus Prime

004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.
001 Glasses
002 Braclet
003 Hair scrunchie
004 Hair scrunchie on wrist

003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN.
001 So according to my WMP playcounts, they are, most played first: The Beginning Is the End is The Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins (Batman & Robin)
002 Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
003 Wind Scene - Chrono Trigger Orchestral OST

002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
001 Get a boyfriend
002 Make a difference

001 CONFESSION.
001 I believe in magic in a young girl's heart

Stupid fucking catchy song. This was in this made-for-TV disney movie about Magicians, the Aly & AJ version of the song that is. I actually really liked the movie, does anyone know what I'm talking about? Because I want to remember it but... yeah. Memory fail. Back to apps, Sniper's due today and I want to finish Blackavar.

EDIT:

THE (✔)-(✖) MEME // my thread

Because why the fuck not.

i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down

2009-05-21T14:18:40Z

GUYS HOW IRONIC IS IT THAT WHILE THE MAIN REASON INEVER GOT INTO TREK FANDOM WAS BECAUSE OF THE ELITIST REPUTATION i'm getting more than a little bit defensive of mai fandom. i mean, i lurked it a lot. so it's. half mine.

everyone and their mother is talking about star trek now, which is cool with me when people are expressing interest in the franchise but the overwhelming amount of LOL SPOCK IS SO HOT is starting to piss me off. ...it really shouldn't, but it is. on the plus side though i'm digging up some of my old trek stuff i have tucked away in random corners of my room and on my hard drive. it's like a nostalgia attack. peace and long life, guys. peace and long life.

lmfao as much as i have always adored trek- never really got into TNG, though?- i love this movie an insane amount. like i'd rather slip into this new continuity and keep fond memories of TOS than revive it again. a DS9 reboot would be sweet, though. i also kind of prefer Pine to Shatner which makes me feel like a bad fan BUT THAT IS THE TRUTH. i fucking adore ZQ, i swear he was practically born to play Spock, but Nimoy has a special place in my cold, cold heart.

in other news i'm pretty much ignoring crucen which i feel bad for i'll try to slide back to it if i haven't been dropped for inactivity already. i'm apping at asphyxia_rp because angie made me, reserves on Kiba and Hidan, two of my favourites to rp from naruto. i need to work on those apps. instead i spent most of the day setting up an account for yunoki from corda. i need to rewatch corda and read past chapter 11 of it.

why the fuck is Kylie Minogue in the "Related Videos" section of Bittersweet Symphony?

EDIT: why the fuck not, it's been ages since anyone's given me crit on... anything. actually. lmfao.

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

ilkanta @ 2009-05-08T09:20:00

2009-05-08T01:21:20Z

hey guys i'll still be around on IM mostly but

EXAMS, BBL

stranger than your sympathy and this is my apology

2009-05-01T02:25:25Z

Ask me a question and I will tell you no lies.
☂

Ask me anything. Ask me about my life, about how my day was, about what I like to do on my spare time. No matter how personal, I will answer. Or maybe you don't have a question. Maybe there is something you've been wanting to tell me for a long time but never had the courage to. Maybe you secretly hate me or love me or wish we were closer. This is the place to tell me.

Anon is enabled if you so choose to use it. ~~Comments are initially screened.~~

everybody's doing it. now seriously ask me whatever the hell you want and as many times as you want GO

i'll be out the whole day gaiz, i'm catching Origins with the guys. hopefully. if the tickets aren't sold out and shit. I OWE SERA AND CHELSEY A TAG EACH i will do this. when i am home.

p.s sera: murderabilia

ilkanta @ 2009-04-13T18:39:00

2009-04-13T10:42:00Z

basically guys this just happened

ilkanta: i want to write something based on analbum.
azuire: analbum?
ilkanta: insert spacebar where appropiate
ilkanta: WAIT
ilkanta: WAIT NO DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
azuire: ???
ilkanta: an album.
ilkanta: ...i meant an album.

ANALBUM

you will never unsee it

i'll be your lover, i'll be your zero

2009-03-22T06:46:15Z

*studies feverishly for coldplay concert*

SCREAM I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO FOR ART oh my god i amso fucking dead

mmm i'm still working out stuff for that L4D game. it's hard, sob, so i'm just going to go ahead and put the plot aside for now so i can work on other things. either way i just really want to make that goddamn game.

in rewatching RvB: reconstruction yesterday, the wash/church shipper in me is awake again. 8| i need to try and write something for them. ...but first i have to finish any one of the fics i started for khr, preferrably either that 8080 or that 8018. also i want to replay WC3 once i'm done with this over9000th chrono trigger playthrough, turntableaurora reminded me of how much i love the lore to that thing.

SPEAKING OF WHICH: hello new friends. 8)

/crawls back into a corner to sob over art and the fact that supernatural won't fucking load

EDIT:

THIS POST IS FULL OF FAGGOTRY

god how did this happen

ilkanta @ 2009-03-07T08:52:00

2009-03-07T00:54:08Z

anon meme is a fucking failbucket today

but that 'working on it' reply is me

and i'm serious.

I REALLY WANT TO MAKE THAT FUCKING L4D GAME DOES ANYONE WANT TO HELP ME *SOBS*