February already?

I am still terrible at checking livejournal to see what my friends are up to. I miss the days when we all used to pour our thoughts out into enteries here. Where we had conversations that were easy to follow, not made up of reblogged posts or private messages like it is on tumblr.
But I suppose some of us have grown up and moved on. I know I am often too tired to put all my thoughts down. I get through the day and then bury myself in fandoms - be it fanart or fanfic or just the canon. Social interaction is so low on my list for my job involves being social. I give my all to strangers day in and day out. And soon I will give it to students, but the ones I am working with in my internship make me wonder...

I don't know Spanish. How am I supposed to teach ESL if I can't even talk to the families of my students? It makes me want to give up. And I want to teach Japanese, but how can I teach a language I never mastered? I wouldn't be much more proficient than my students. And it would show to any native speaker.

I don't know what to do with my life. Sadly, Middle Earth is not real so I can't run away and live a life of adventure with hobbits, dwarves, or elves. But I wish it was.

I am 30 years old and wishing I could live in a realm of dreams. I am most likely very lonely but it is hard to get together with friends when everyone works on different schedules or lives far away or forgets the other exists. Or you know the weather - one minute it's good, the next it is terrible.

But really, I am disappointed that Livejournal will not let me go more than 20 posts back. I have no idea why. I refuse to pay for the privliage of reading what you guys wrote.