My whole fucking summer is falling apart, and it makes me feel like a selfish mean selfish person. sigh.



So I should explain.



The stupid men at the hospital are considering just letting my grandmother go, cutting off life support and whatnot and my mom is going down tomorrow. If shes gonna die, my dad is gonna drive us up on wensday and I'll miss work.



I DON't WANT to go to my grandmother's funneral. I just want to know that she is dead, I hate crying with people, I'd rather just get on with it... I hate funerals! I can't spell!



God, shes fucking...she likeout of it, and dying and scared and not knowing of whats going on around her, tied down, with tubes shoved everyWHERE! Thats not how I want to die. I don't feel pleasent.



Anyways, I'd hafta miss work, and if I miss work. I'll miss a whole bunch of days on my next paycheck. and I won't be able to pay for Otakon. (I told you I was selfish...) and so many people are depending on me and my mother to take us down. I'm sure the rest of my homies can pick up what ever I can't pay, but in 18 day will my mother be willing to go to Baltimore?



argh. argh several times.