Time doth flit--

Deep thoughts

hazelnut96 — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 03:03:53 GMT

We are born with nearly two of everything: two eyes, two ears, two halves of our brain, two lungs, two kidneys, two two two two...

But only one heart.

Maybe we're born with one heart because we're supposed to find the other heart that balances our own.

Clemson. Orange. Purple

hazelnut96 — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 06:15:44 GMT

updated from 2015....Let's talk about the Orange in the headline. Mainly, the Orange and Purple.

I am a Clemson grad. I attended Clemson University for 4.5 of the best years of my life, and nothing since has compared to the all-encompassing experience I had while there.

And I'm not talking about only great, wonderful, positive experiences. All-encompassing experiences includes sadness, heartbreak, failure, and discouragement. And thank God that I did have that! If I didn't feel the pain, I couldn't appreciate the pleasure! I had the sadness of being far away from my family for the first time in my life. My freshman (and only) college boyfriend broke my heart. I failed my math class in most spectacular fashion. (That story includes multiple-page letters written to my professor and daily vomitings in the ladies bathroom. No, I was not pregnant.) And the tale of discouragement....Imagine being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer during the most FUN partying period of your college career.

This is the first college football season in about 5 years that I have been able to fully indulge in my Clemson love. I hadn't been to a Clemson alum gathering in Central FL since 2010. Since my divorce, I have been to nearly every alum gathering to watch the Clemson games, met some more local alums, and re-connect with a sorority sister.

And I think of the last 5 years. I think on how I was encouraged to not make our house a "college frat house." I think about how invitations from my college pals were frowned and passed on by others than me. I think about how guilty I felt when I used my Clemson bottle opener that sang "Tiger Rag" when the cap was popped. I think on how I felt I wasn't "allowed" to show my support and love for my college.

My support for a school that is fantastic for its higher educational offerings, its athletic program, its incredible, beautiful geographical location. My love for an emblem (the Clemson Tiger paw) that immediately incites happy memories, good feelings of fun, memories of:
sunning on Bowman, long nights spent at Cooper Library, sorority-fraternity mixers at TD's/Rumors/Ridgeways/the Y barn, orange Tiger paws on the roads leading to Clemson, the golden rain trees blossoming in early fall, buying custom-cranked ice cream at Ag Sales in the back of the Ag building before the Hendrix Center was built, the heart-biggening moment just as the Tigers run down the hill at every home football game, the cold night hours spent pomping floats on Bowman Field the week before Homecoming, pizza at Peppino's, pizza at Todaro's, $1.00 draft beer at TD's, Karaoke with Ed on Tuesdays at TD's, dance nights Thursday nights at TD's, deep conversations sitting in the booths at Nick's Tavern, buying Clemson gear at Judge Keller's (I bought a Clemson Tigers backpack from them in 2004, and still use it), buying CDs at Manifest Disc and Tapes, playing intramural sports on Bowman and the intramural fields, wandering about Cemetery Hill--reading the names of Clemson founders and honorees on cold, angular headstones, and realizing the name on my dorm hall is more than a name, but a legacy of someone who loved and believed in Clemson as much as I do.

There's too much to list in one entry. But I have been bathing/reveling/enjoying every single memory that comes up, because it has been so long that I feel I get to enjoy it.

Lifelong Advice

hazelnut96 — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 04:00:15 GMT

I'm composing this amid the strains of U2 "With or Without You," and I can;'t get over how the music strains play so perfectly to my entry.

And when I hear that music will NOT BE PLAYED during the reading of my LJ entries on 11/20/2017, it's another hurdle to jump to make sure real art is heard and read!!!

Dear Future Children of Mine,

I have spent many late hours staying up, worrying about the people I thought I wronged, the deeds I thought I mis-did, and the emotions I was sure I had mis-handled.

And when it came to the very end, when all my wrongs were tallied, it was a neglectful lot.

So, please don't mis-spend enormous amounts of your life-time worrying about what you did.

Love,
Your Weary Mother

Clemson Tigers

hazelnut96 — Fri, 01 Jan 2016 01:56:56 GMT

My Tigers won the Orange Bowl!! We are going to the College Championships!!

Stick THAT in your ear,Q! After 5 years of hearing how great the UF Gators were for having back to back championships, and hearing how Clemson was not "really" a team, my team is having their time in the sun!!

I joked with a group of friends that Clemson should thank me for their undefeated season. I filed for divorce on July 31, and a month later they won their first game. Since then, they've been undefeated. After the finalization of my divorce in mid-September, they just took off and won game after game.

The Sports Illlustrated cover said there were 3 D's leading Clemson: DeShaun, Dabo and Defense. I say we add a 4th "D": Divorce!!

Quote to remember

hazelnut96 — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 22:43:54 GMT

“If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.” – Anonymous

Thwarted!

hazelnut96 — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 19:08:08 GMT

Dang it, Facebook! If your site goes down, then I can't FB-stalk my crush!!

And here comes tragedy #2

hazelnut96 — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 01:03:55 GMT

My aunt Pattie died this morning, a little after midnight.

I can't believe this shit.

Wednesday frame of mind

hazelnut96 — Wed, 20 May 2015 12:44:37 GMT

I woke up today with a smile on my face and a lightness in my spirit.

It's odd, because today should be the day that Quill closes on his new house. I'm supposed to be there to sign papers, too, but he hasn't contacted me regarding it, so I'm at school.

And I'm just ready for a great day!

Signs of being tired

hazelnut96 — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 12:57:56 GMT

1. You get up in the morning to get ready for work. First thing is visit the bathroom to wash your face. You use the pump-action bottle of facial cleanser, scrub your face, and pat it dry. Next step is moisturizer. You pump out more facial cleanser, rub it into your face, and wait a few seconds for it to dry. As it dries, you wonder why your face feels tight and sticky. Then you realize you just rubbed soap into your face instead of moisturizer.

2. You leave for work completely professionally dressed, except the house slippers you wore to walk the dog. You realize this as you're pulling out of the driveway. Luckily, you left an extra pair of flats in your backseat.

3. As you drive down the road, you realize you don't have your wedding rings on, or any earrings.

Oh, Nyquil, you let me down last night. Hardly any sleep. Ambien, I'm sorry for doubting your power. I have finally realized. NyQuil is T-ball. Ambien is the major leagues.

Tour guide of the damned

hazelnut96 — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 13:52:58 GMT

I work at a private school, and it is lovely.
However, one of the founder's of the school works as the tour guide/pitchwoman for prospective families.

She brings down a person or two, or even a group of 5 (like today), to the Media Center, to show off the yearbook media lab, and the media center.

Then she spouts off her knowledge of Accelerated Reader, that the kids getting a reading range, they have to check books WITHIN that reading range, they take AR tests based on their Independent Reading Level, either 1 or 2 books a weeks, etc. Then the tour members ask questions about AR, and the importance of it, the purpose of it, and she fumbles for answers.

I am shelving books in the background, gritting my teeth and wanting to scream. She knows NOTHING about AR or how it should be utilized, and I am seeing how the parents are getting the wrong message from the wrong person.

These poor parents. They don't understand AR, or why we use it. Some of the time, neither do I. However, being the librarian, I have some ideas on how it can be used *constructively* without destroying a young child's natural enthusiasm for reading.

So these parents are getting misinformation from one person--the student recruiter.

Then, when they are full students, they run into a 2nd grade teacher I lovingly call "Stalin." Stalin is a very nice woman; she is about 70 years old, beeng teaching since God was a boy, and rules her AR students with an iron fist. When she brings her students on Tuesdays, she specifies they can ONLY check out in their reading range. So, while Susie the Student wants to read a book about fairies that is a Reading Level of 2.8, but Susie's range is 1.6-2.6, she can't check the fairy book out. Stalin vetoes her book choice when she comes to collect the class, and will often choose a replacement for Susie, such as a book on tractors that is a 2.5. It may not be what Susie wants to read, and Susie may tear up at the thought of taking a yucky tractor book home instead of the pretty fairy book she wanted, but it's within her reading range, by golly! And THAT's what Susie needs! A directed, quantitative choice of reading material instead of exercising freedom of choice and wonder of discovery! /end sarcasm

This is only my first year here. After seeing this since September, I have a meeting scheduled next week with my supervisor to discuss Accelerated Reader, how it is utilized, and my plans for next year. My next-year plans include a "Parent AR Academy," where I can discuss WHAT AR is, HOW it can be used, and how the damned reading range is a GUIDELINE, not the be-all and end-all of your child's choices. Also, I'm working on a yearly plan on how to introduce students to AR gradually through first grade, while *still* keeping the freedom of choice and exploration prevalent in the media center.

Plans go to shit

hazelnut96 — Sat, 12 Apr 2014 01:17:11 GMT

I'm on my own for the weekend.

Hubby going away for the weekend.

Do I spend Friday night folding laundry, vacuuming rooms, finishing up yard work like originally planned?

Fuck no!

I drank 4 awesome beers at my favorite bar reading the newest release of my favorite author.

Now I'm home, watching DVR'ed eppies of my favorite shows while laundry languishes in the dryer, plants continue to grow, dust continues to congregate.

Oh well.

Summer Monday

hazelnut96 — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 21:50:23 GMT

Today was one of the Florida wet Mondays. Overcast, cloudy, with random patches of sunlight.

I had a pre-op surgery appointment about my right hand, so I was up and out by 8 a.m.

Regarding my right hand--I'm having my carpal tunnel situation corrected. My left hand was done in October 2012, and the effects have been amazing. Before the surgery, my left hand was numb from my thumb to my middle finger, and my ring finger was slowly growing tingly-to-numb on the side closest to my middle finger.
I would often have to make "crazy talking puppet hand" to make feeling return. Imagine me quickly clapping the four fingers against the thumb in rapid succession a dozen times.
I've begun doing that for my right hand the last 2 months.
Thankfully, my orthopedic surgeon had a nerve test done on both hands last September, so I wouldn't have to do it all over again. He saw my left hand was very severe, while my right one, in September, was only mild to moderate. Now, the right one is moderate to hellaciously severe.
So, on Friday, Quill will be taking me to the surgery center in downtown O-town for my surgery. I'll be out of it for a couple days on painkillers, and the bad thing of it all--I won't be able to write or type. My right hand is my writing hand, so I'm out of the loop for a week or so with a sling.

Anyway, I got home around 10:30 from my appointment, and realized, I am not going to do anything with my day. I put in a load of laundry (dryable and foldable tomorrow) and laid down on the bed for the rest of the day.
What helped along with the slothness was a massive case of cramps.

It began thundering around 2:00, so my dog Ridley (the absolute love of my life, save for my husband), climbed on the bed, wedged her way up to boobs/neck area, and hid her head under my throw blanket. She has a BIT of thunder phobia. So we laid like that, and napped like that, for over 2 hours.

Now, I'm in the kitchen, prepping for Quill's and mine dinner. On the menu tonight: broiled mahi-mahi in a white wine sauce, steamed asparagus, baked potatoes, fresh watermelon, and rolls.

Horribleness

hazelnut96 — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:34:43 GMT

Q and I got into an argument yesterday after looking at a possible location for our wedding/reception.

It was so bad that I said when arguments like this happen make me nervous about the future.

He took it as I was nervous and having doubts about marrying him.

It was resolved by the evening, but today another one erupted this morning, and we canceled an appt. at another possible venue.

He said he has never, not once, considred we wouldn't work out when he proposed. Now he is wondering, b/c I have doubts.

I have doubts about everything. I doubt I will be able to get up on time tomorrow for school; I doubt I will be able to lose weight to fit in a wedding dress; I doubt the hair color I just had put on my hair last Thursday.

I have doubts of everything.

Maybe I shouldn't have told him during a conversation, but who else can I tell my fears to if not my fiance?

It breaks my heart when we argue.

Halloween movies and Hazelnut...a love story.

hazelnut96 — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:42:47 GMT

I have loved horror movies since my late teens..

I hated them as a kid.

When I was 11, BigBro rented every Nightmare on Elm Street movie available at that time--that would be numbers 1 through 4--and made me watch them all in one day with him. And when I say made me...that's exactly what I mean. He was much bigger than me in those days (still is!), and kept me trapped in the family room all afternoon.

I slept with a nightlight till I left for college at age 18...b/c I was scared Freddy Krueger was going to get me.

But it all changed one year...and I don't know how or why.

Horror movies began to hold a fascination, a thrill for me.

I especially loved the cheesy 80s horror movies...the Friday the 13ths, the Elm Streets, the Halloweens, April Fools, etc. etc.

I watch them every time Halloween rolls around, and thrill at every scare, jump, and fright.

Movies that have come out since then...I don't care for.

Hostel...Human Centipede...Saw....ick.

I think I like the supernatural, super-silly, super-never-could-happen scares the best.

Because movies that are more recent focus on the horrors humankind can visit upon each other.

And that's the scariest shit in the world.

Crying

hazelnut96 — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 01:49:51 GMT

Sometimes you just have to go sit in the lakeside gazebo, watch the heat lightning course across the skies, and blame the rain for the drops on your face.

Heavily bearded men always give such good happies....

hazelnut96 — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 03:30:00 GMT

Hee hee hee.

I'm surprising DarlingQ with tickets to ZZ Top on Sunday!!

Been a while....

hazelnut96 — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 03:02:47 GMT

I'm finally watching "Harry Potter/Hallows Pt 1."

Helena Bonham-Carter knocks it out of the park for me as Bellatrix.

Dodgeball's got my back...no, seriously, it did.

hazelnut96 — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 03:53:11 GMT

Dodgeball--Actually played really well in the tournament. I lasted through 2 matches with my team, then had to leave at 11:00, so I don't know what the final outcome was.

This is the 2nd time I've played on the dodgeball team for my middle school. Last year I felt rather out of place, being the newbie at the school. This year, I felt completely one of the gang.

I was there with 3 of the top administrators, several classroom teachers, and other assorted employees. We all sat around during the off-times, goofing on each other, showing different moves on Angry Birds, and just "bonding" with each other. It's interesting, and also relaxing, to get to see your co-workers out of the work environment.

While frantically throwing balls during one of the matches, I felt something "give" in my back. It was a repeat of what I felt over five years ago. I figured it was just the demands of the game and only pulled a muscle.

After the game, I attended a play reading for Florida ArtsFest at the downtown library. Sitting in the chair, performing for the 40-50 people that attended, wasn't too bad.

But I felt the onset when I climbed the stairs to my condo. And felt more when I was helping the Mon put away 2 dozen Sterilite packing crates up in the attic.

Now I'm at DarlingQ's, having taken a couple of relaxing/pain-reducer meds.

I'm hoping I'm going to get a good night's sleep tonight...

Review

hazelnut96 — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 06:03:11 GMT

I've been re-reading old entries of mine.

Not just in my LJ, but in the Library Says Mofo one.

I'm rather disappointed with myself. A few years ago, I was actually a pretty good writer.

Even I was entertained by my own entries.

And I wonder why I stopped writing; why I stopped expressing myself.

Especially in the forum of being a librarian.

Not in the arena of being a public librarian. After reading entries by those professionals, I can only picture it as a smelly, homeless, 3-ring circus with books.

But being a public school librarian (a/k/a Media Specialist)...there are some tales to be told.

With my February challenge, maybe I can re-discover my writing impulse.

Way-too-early morning entry

hazelnut96 — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 10:43:03 GMT

I guess my 2nd entry of the month is easier to write than my first.

Insomnia sucks. I didn't go to bed till midnight. Then my eyes fly open at 4:30, and I can't sleep anymore. Not one second.

Last week I wasn't sleeping well either. Too many plans, meetings, have-tos, etc.

This week is the same. The out-of-job stuff isn't too bad, but the stuff AT work....that's what's keeping me up.

I'm trying to figure out to handle a book fair coming up next week, alongside being put in charge of a Literacy PLC, chairing a county-wide middle-school organization, putting together a team of readers for the Battle of the Books competition in May, plus teaching lessons in the Media Center.

For instance, today I have a teacher signed up for an Oration lesson (how to give an interesting speech vs. a boring one) and I don't have anything prepared. I'm heading to work in about 40 minutes, so maybe I can come up with something before 9:00.

On a totally random note: I'm going to school with curlie-girlie hair.

February challenge

hazelnut96 — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 02:06:02 GMT

OK...I've been sporadically updating from time to time, but I challenged myself this morning blog once a day for the next 4 weeks. I'm not putting any limiters on my blogging; the entries may be long-winded and detailed; they may be short and succinct, and possibly very boring.

I'm going into Week 4 of taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. It's engaging; I like the videos and I like the common sense of his financial advice. I have homework to do tonight: designing a monthly incoming/outgoing overview of my money and reading a couple chapters of his book. Tomorrow is "bring a friend to class" night, so I invited Darling Q to come with me. I think attending a financial course together would be highly helpful.

For those interested, I am currently bruising like a peach due to dodgeball practice. One of my teammates is a strapping 6-foot Agricultural teacher who is a former high school baseball pitcher. Being only 24 or 25, he's juuuust out of school, so his fastball is still around 90 mph. My left thigh is a lovely blooming purple and pink, just from practice yesterday. Our charity tournament is this Saturday; we compete against the othermiddle schools in the county, and all proceeds go to cancer research.

Something I learned (again) last week: When you're apart from the person you love, it's hell. Last year around this time, Darling Q went to Mexico for 10 days, and it was murder for me. I kept trying to keep busy to stop from thinking of him, which totally didn't work. Last week, for 9 days, I was house-sitting with animals, meaning I didn't have the time or freedom to see him when he was available.
On Sunday I was finally set free, so I met DarlingQ at the local brewery for "Beer 30", all house beers are $2 a pint. We sat with a couple friends of his from work, chatted, drank a few cold ones, then got take-out on the way home so we could finally spend some time together.
I think it was even worse than when he went to Mexico b/c he was only 45 minutes away from me. While some of you are thinking Why is that such a big deal? I had no time on my own. I was either taking care of animals, at work, back at the house straightening things up; DarlingQ had work committments, plans with friends, seeing his parents. The one time we were going to get together was thwarted by some of the worst storms since the hurricanes of 2004. I stayed home with the animals, was scared to death by some thunder booms, and texted with him instead.
So bottom line: being with the one you love totally rocks.

So here's my first entry. Done. Complete. Kaput.

Wow...my blogging skills are way rusty. I don't feel the zing of the flowage. Maybe by Day 3 or Day 4, I'll settle back into my groove.

Drugs are bad, 'mmkay?

hazelnut96 — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 03:21:59 GMT

Take my advice.

Never use birth control pills.

Guys, that goes for you as well.

For the last 3 months, I was a faithful pill-popper in order to "regulate" myself (rap translation: "check myself before I wreck myself").

Stupid to do, b/c I didn't need it in the first place, but what can one do when those girls look so damn happy in the Yaz commercials? I wanted to be a Yaz girl!

Instead of being a 5'10" slender brunette meeting her friends at the new hip club to talk excitedly about the drugs that affect our inner plumbing, I was a 5'4" harridan carrying an extra 15 pounds crying at stoplights because I was sure that my hair wasn't right and that DarlingQ ate the slice of pizza that I wanted to eat.

'Twasn't till I checked some user forums that 99% of the women on my kind of Pill have similar symptoms--anger, lethargy, weight gain, picking fights with loved ones, etc.

I polled those nearest and dearest to me (meaning the Mom and DarlingQ). I'm naturally negative, but my attitude polarity had worsened...a lot. DarlingQ hedged, and said, "Yes, you have been a...bit..more negative than usual."

My Pill regimen called for 3 weeks on, 1 week off. I was supposed to start again today, but after examining the last 6 days, I realize I feel more like myself the last week than I have in the last 6 weeks.

So screw you, birth control pills. (pun not intended)

I'm going to be au naturel again, and listen to what my body tells me I need and DON'T need.

One full calendar year is about to end.

hazelnut96 — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 18:21:52 GMT

2010 in review for me in 50 words or less.

Six months of job hell. Magical summer cruise trip. Five months of job bliss. Health reports 100% good. Fell in love with my best friend. Lost touch with other friends; feel bad. Must rectify in 2011. Lost last grandparent-Alzheimer's. Other family-good. Self-study and self-change continues.

51 weeks

hazelnut96 — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 01:56:58 GMT

That's how long I've been with DarlingQ.

It's been an interesting experience.

One thing I have learned:

Grown up relationships are not rose-colored. There's plenty of the pink puffy hearts going on, but there's also a lot of creamy granite and some black-tarred asphalt going on.

DarlingQ is amazing. I thought so 51 weeks ago, and I still do.

I have met a man who is thoughtful, kind, considerate, brilliant, funny, smart-assed, and altogether awesome.

And sometimes I still can't believe that I can call him "mine."

Life Update

hazelnut96 — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 11:40:19 GMT

Work--Good.

Health--Good.

Family--Good.

Love Life--Good.

It's all good, baby. It's alllllll gooood.