Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and sky

Ha ha, Johanna Lindsey has the crappiest book summaries ever.

2012-03-23T03:17:06Z

One of my coworkers has been sick all week, so I've had to cover for her. I wasn't thrilled about being called in yesterday (especially since I got nailed with some ill-timed cramps), but at least I'm getting some extra hours.

The best part, though, was stumbling across Johanna Lindsey's craptacular romance novels while I was shelving. I remembered the titles and looked them up when I got home to see if I could abuse them for Hetaquin.

I was not disappointed. None of them are nearly as bad as the Prussia/Switzerland one I doctored in which Gilbert is actually a genetically engineered coyote (NOT a werewolf, insists the author) who ends up betraying Vash and killing his father. Then Vash is naturally overcome with mating lust, because who wouldn't have the hots for their father's murderer? It ends with them getting married and Vash getting knocked up with Gilbert's coyote child. I swear to God.

Here's the Johanna Lindsey titles I looked up, and the Gilbert/Vash coyote one at the end because it was hysterical.

A ROGUE OF MY OWN (Germany/Italy)
How does an innocent gentleman find himself forced to wed a royal spy who seduced him - by mistake? For Lord Feliciano Vargas, a whirlwind of passion and excitement begins when, to his mother's great delight, he becomes a servant at the court of King Umberto I. Feliciano's mother sees this appointment as a golden opportunity for him to make a good match.

At court, Feliciano innocently steps into the rivalry between the king's spymaster and the noblewoman in charge of the servants who is using the servants to spy on powerful courtiers. Soon Feliciano is entangled in a web of deceit with the charming marquis Ludwig Beilschmidt. The devastatingly handsome n'er-do-well is the brother of Gilbert Beilschmidt, with whom Feliciano was once infatuated. What he doesn't know is that Ludwig is a secret agent of the crown who leads a double life.

When Ludwig obtains proof that Feliciano is spying on him, he seduces him. He hardly suspects the Italian's guileless nature. Forced to the altar, Ludwig believes that Feliciano has set a trap of the worst sort in order to marry into his powerful family. Although he vows never to be faithful to his gorgeous husband, as Ludwig comes to know Feliciano's wit, adventurous spirit, and generous nature, his vow of revenge turns into a desire to share many passionate nights only with his husband for the rest of his life.

MARRIAGE MOST SCANDALOUS (Sweden/Finland)
Lord Tino Vainamoinen first met Berwald Oxenstierna as a child, when the Swede caught him peeking into his older sister's engagement ball. Tall, dashing, and handsome, Berwald was one of the most sought-after bachelors in Stockholm and cut a romantic figure Tino would not soon forget. Never did he dream that one day he would be living at the Oxenstierna family's magnificent estate with Berwald's father, the eighth earl of Orkney, as Tino's guardian - while Berwald is banished from his family due to the tragic results of a duel.

When life at Orkney takes a sinister turn with the earl suffering a suspicious number of life-threatening accidents, Tino wonders if Berwald's younger brother and his wife have grown impatient to inherit the earldom. Setting out to find the one man he believes can set the situation to rights, Tino discovers that Berwald Oxenstierna has forged a new identity for himself on the continent.

Now known as The Raven, a deadly mercenary, notorious for accomplishing any mission no matter how seemingly impossible, he has vowed never to return to Sweden. Not until Tino meets his outrageous monetary demands does Berwald agree to return home, reluctantly posing as Tino's husband in order to facilitate his return to society. When Berwald learns Tino cannot afford to pay his fee, he suggests a scandalous trade.

As Tino and Berwald work to uncover the intrigue at the Oxenstierna estate, a fierce passion blooms that neither of them anticipated and neither can resist. But can Tino persuade Berwald to abandon the dark path he believes is his fate and claim the life - and love - he deserves?

THE DEVIL WHO TAMED HIM (France/Netherlands)
Francis Bonnefoy is an incomparable beauty with a reputation for starting rumors and spreading them. Having purposely wrecked his engagement to Matthew Williams, a future marquis, which his social-climbing father arranged, Francis wants to return to Paris' marriage mart and make his own choice of a wealthy husband. But on his journey home, something unexpected happens...

The heir to a dukedom, Jos van Rijn is - in spite of his disinterest in marriage - the most sought-after young lord in Holland. He instantly disliked Francis when he caused a scandal to avoid marriage to Jos' friend Matthew, but having comforted the Frenchman in a tearful moment, he begins to wonder if he's not all that bad. So when Matthew claims that Francis will never be anything but a spiteful beauty, Jos bets his friend that he can turn Francis into a kindhearted gentleman who will one day make a good match, just not with him.

With the Bonnefoy parents' blessing, Jos commandeers Francis' coach and whisks him - chaperoned, of course - to his remote estate in the countryside. There, he tries to show his furious, sharp-tongued "guest" the error of his ways, he discovers the surprising reasons for his bad behavior. Soon his daily lessons with Francis take effect and he finds himself irresistibly attracted to him. When Jos champions the new and improved Francis' re-entry to Paris society, marriage proposals pour in. Only then does Jos start to wonder whether he hasn't gone and fallen in love with Francis himself.

CAPTIVE OF MY DESIRES (Spain/Romano)
Devastated by his mother's death, eighteen-year-old Lovino Vargas sets sail from Italy to a Caribbean island in search of his estranged grandfather. But instead of encountering a distinguished merchant ship's captain, he discovers his grandfather has become a pirate! After spending three wonderful years sailing and treasure hunting with him, Lovino is dismayed when his grandfather decides he must return to Rome to find a proper husband. His old friend Jos van Rijn will sponsor Lovino in polite society.

In Rome, Lovino is escorted to balls and parties by Jos' husband, Francis Bonnefoy, and Francis' friend, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, a dashing Spanish sea captain who is visiting. Though drawn to Lovino's fiery good looks, Antonio, a fun-loving rogue, wants nothing to do with a young man hunting for a husband. Incensed by Antonio's indifference, Lovino is determined to win his affections. But when Antonio embroils him in a scandal the night before he's to travel back to Spain, Lovino vows revenge. Enlisting the help of his grandfather's pirate cronies, Lovino commandeers Antonio's ship and takes him prisoner. But as passion runs high on their sea voyage, it becomes difficult to tell who is truly the captor and who is the captive.

A LOVING SCOUNDREL (Denmark/Norway)
When Eirik, a young man who grew up on the streets of Oslo with no memory of his real family, is banished from his gang because he helped handsome rakeshell Jens Hansen steal back the jewels his friend lost in a card game, Eirik demands that Jens give him a job. He is determined to become respectable in order to fulfill his dream of escaping the streets of Oslo forever. Intrigued by his handsomeness and spunk, Jens hires Eirik as his butler, although he wants the Norwegian as his lover.

Under the tutelage of Jens and his friend Tino, Eirik blossoms into a gentleman. Although he is drawn to Jens by passionate feelings he has never experienced before, he refuses to be anything more than a servant to him because he knows the Dane is not the marrying kind. When Eirik undergoes a Cinderella-like transformation and poses as Jens' new love in an attempt to help him avert a scandal, a few highly placed members of society remark on how familiar Eirik looks. Now tongues are wagging, raising the question of his true identity, which threatens not only Eirik's chances of capturing Jens' heart but his very life.

THE PURSUIT (America/England)
It was to be a grand adventure for Alfred F. Jones - an escape from the wilds of his American home into the whirl of the London social season, and far from the stifling protectiveness of his mother's sixteen strapping, somewhat bumbling brothers, six of whom are named Ian. There the bewitching lad is sure to find a suitable husband who will not be intimidated by his suspicious uncles and who is more appealing than the many local suitors whom his uncles have already deemed unworthy. But before he begins his pursuit of a new life, Alfred is distracted by an intriguing gentleman stranger he encounters on his grandfather's lands.

Arthur Kirkland is no stranger to America, however. The seventeenth viscount Cambury, Arthur once called this land home - until as a boy of twelve he was sent away to live with relatives in London after his father's death. To stay would surely have meant his own demise, for a bitter feud was raging around him, marking young Arthur as a target of a brutal gang of "savages" who went by the name Johnson.

Now as he restlessly roams the countryside he so loved as a child, Arthur can feel the anger and bitterness returning - only to be dispelled by the handsomeness of the man who stands before him. Though they part after but a few spoken words, the damage is done: Arthur's heart is claimed forever, and he will never be complete again until Alfred F. Jones is his bridegroom.

Though destiny is carrying them along separate paths, Arthur knows he will pursue Alfred to London...and to the ends of the earth, if necessary. But ties of blood and duty have made his heart's obsession with the enchanting American not only desperate but quite dangerous. For the man Arthur must have is the nephew of those who, even now, are sworn to his destruction, and who are willing to dog his every step, even following two yearning souls fated to be lovers into the glittering world of the London aristocracy. The longtime feud is raging hotter than ever before - and even the irresistible shared passion of Arthur and Alfred may not be powerful enough to withstand its devastating fire.

COYOTE'S MATE (Prussia/Switzerland)
He always knew he would betray him...

Vash Zwingli was only sixteen when he first came to Gilbert Beilschmidt - the genetically altered rebel known as the Coyote Ghost. For six years they plotted to free a group of Coyote women kept in Vash's father's lab. As Vash matured into a man, he and Gilbert grew close...but on the day of the ambush, he broke his promise and shot Vash's father.

Filled with rage over the betrayal, Vash discovers an even stronger emotion is consuming his mind and body - the animalistic desire known as mating heat. Though Gilbert feels it with the same intensity, Vash questions whether he can forgive him or trust him again. As they stealthily maneuver to bring the freed Breeds to safety, one question reigns supreme: Can Vash and Gilbert survive their own heat?

Fun fact! Gilbert's character's name is actually Del-Rey Delgado. Del-Rey. XD

digi_rating stamps

2008-10-10T00:37:05Z

I've gotten so many stamps from digi_rating that they're beginning to overtake my ratings page. So here they are with their very own entry. :D

This journal is friends only

2008-08-01T02:02:41Z

Banner created by xfleur.

This journal is friends only. If you're here for my fics, you can find them at airgetlamh, my writing journal. If you'd like me to friend you, comment at this entry and I'll more than likely add you. :D

Songs. I have them.

2008-06-30T03:46:02Z

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

Got the letter "M" from nyazers.

Didn't upload them since I'm on my parents' computer. :(

1. Magic Bus - The Who
2. Midlife Crisis - Faith No More
3. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
4. Moron - Sum 41
5. My Immortal - Evanescence

I was going to the chapel, but I was not gonna get married

2008-06-29T22:57:31Z

My best friend's wedding was yesterday. The good parts of it were my dress actually fitting me (thank god), the best man not being a disgusting creep for once, and that I managed to not lose the groom's ring or trip while walking down the aisle. The main con was that it rained all day, thereby moving the outdoor reception into a very small building. The bridesmaids' dresses were halter style, and since mine was such a tight fit the strap was constantly rubbing at my neck. Add to that the extremely tight strap from the shaper I had on underneath, and the back of my neck was rubbed nearly raw by the end of the night. >____>

My parents are spending the night at our cabin, giving me a rare day by myself. The most productive thing I've done is beat Rogue Galaxy. The ending, while thankfully not depressing, was disappointing. I hate it when we don't see the secondary party members/characters except for a brief glimpse. But at least that was more than we got in WA5. I demand justice for the severe lack of Chuck Preston in that ending, goddamnit. (While I'm on the topic of games, I desperately want a PSP so I can play WA:XF. I must has it.

I'm staying at my parents' house for at least another week since I was roped into working at the bank I sometimes fill in at. It's good that I finally have another part-time job (take that, Mother :P), I'm not at all happy about having to stay here even longer. But since I need the money badly enough to not have a choice, I'm basically stuck here. On the plus side, that means I get to watch my cat be cute and roll around in the dirt.

EDIT: Just found Blackie in a vicious cat battle with another feline. I screamed obscenities at the intruding little fucker until they broke apart and Blackie ran inside the house. Fortunately, she isn't injured other than losing a little bit of hair. I was hoping to find the other cat so I could chase it with a stick, but no luck.

And why hasn't First Contact been released in English yet? Or at least with English subtitles? I cannot die happy until I see Goemon slicing lightning with his sword and not getting electrocuted with my own eyes.

This is why I hate people

2008-06-21T20:04:45Z

Reason #94 why I miss being unemployed: days like today suck. We were busy as hell, of course with the customers who spend forever in the store and then fill up an entire bag with their crap. Have you ever seen those big blue cloth shopping bags that Bath & Body Works has? Yep, those. They're bigger than they look. >____>

It seemed like every other person felt the need to bitch at me for some reason or another: when I accidentally gave them the wrong change ("That's not right!") and then apologized ("That's not right!"), when I started to bag their purchases as I rung them up ("You're bagging them; now I can't see what I already have!"), or when I told them the fucking body spray that they had to have wasn't on sale ("Well, then take it off! I don't want it!"). And then there others who at least didn't bitch at me, but whom I still felt the urge to throttle: the woman who decided as I was giving her change that she suddenly wanted to buy something else ("Oh, I changed my mind; I want two of these!"), or the woman who had a coupon for a purchase of $30 or more, but didn't know how much her stuff added up to. I can't add worth shit, so I had to scan things in until she had enough. Sounds simple, but she had all sale items, which show up at the regular price until we total everything. So every few items I'd hit TOTAL, see that she didn't have enough, and then have to hit CLEAR repeatedly until I was back at the sales screen. On the register that was insanely slow and having technological issues all day. alsjdflksdjfldjfdskjsdlja

Fortunately, this video makes me feel better. The He-Man segment is the best - you'll see why.

EDIT: I'm in the mood to write. The only thing I've got at the moment is my still untitled Dean/Chuck fic. I thought about changing the pairing to Dean/Chuck/Avril since it's my new OT3, but in the end decided I like it better with just the guys. And I don't have to deal with the complications of a three way relationship. This is why I've only written it in drabble form. It's so much easier to write "and then Avril decided it would be a good idea if they all resolved their tension with a round or two of hot sex, and Dean and Chuck agreed." And then Greg married Rebecca and brought Carol into their relationship once she was old enough. Except they had to share Carol with Elvis because he loves her and kept screaming "CAARRROOOLLLLL!!!!!"

Marvel at my WTF interests, home skillets

2008-06-17T17:39:02Z

Comment on this post and I will choose seven interests from your profile. You will then explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so that others can play along.

1. Dean Man on Campus. One of the slashiest movies ever. The main characters, Josh and Cooper, are caught in a tangled heap by their friends. (It actually was because Cooper fell on Josh, but nobody else realizes it.) Their friends assume they were making out, and think that they're a gay couple for the entire movie. ~~They so are.~~ I first saw it my freshman year of college, and I can proudly claim it as one of the factors that drove me to become the slash addicted pervert that I am today.

2. Dino Squad. OMG, this show is priceless. It's lame as hell with its terrible one-liners and safety messages for kids, but it features the most metrosexual character since Lee Chaolan. And Episode 7 has internet predator!Veloci luring Buzz into an abandoned house so he can capture him. Guess who had a sick mind while watching the entire episode? That's right; I did. :D It's on CBS on Saturday mornings for anyone who wants to check it out lol over it.

3. Hawaii Five-O. A crime drama that ran from 1968-1980. The last season is utter shit, by the way. Never watch it. The two main characters, Steve and Danny, have got to have something going on between them. ♥

4. Jin Uzuki's thighs. My favorite character from the Xenosaga series. I'd totally tap it. He's a deligent swordsman, so you'd assume he'd be in good shape. And have strong thighs. An unlockable costume for him is swimming trunks and a short sleeved buttondown shirt. RAWR.

5. KotOR. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, one of the best Xbox RPGs ever made. It's the first RPG I ever played, and I immediately fell in love with it. I can almost play it in my sleep by now. It gets bonus points for featuring one of my OTPs. Carth/Female!Revan is love.

6. Norway. Whip out a globe and check out Northern Europe. There it be. :D I'm half Norwegian, and being a history buff I'm always up for learning about the country of my ancestors. For they were bloodthirsty, pillaging Vikings. (My other ancestors were leprechauns, Nazis, bagpipe playing and kilt wearing Scotsmen, tea serving Englishmen, and whatever stereotype fits people from Denmark.)

7. The Colbert Report. A fake news show on Comedy Central. Along with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert is GOD. Fuck the real news; give me Colbert!

Wild ARMs Ficlets

2008-06-14T21:28:42Z

While watching my brother play through MGS4 on Thursday (see previous entry), I wrote WA ficlets in between epic cutscenes. It felt fantastic to get these written, finally putting to rest two particular plot bunnies that were giving me fits.

I thought that I'd write more, but I was distracted by Metal Gear glory. :D

Of course, none of the characters are mine. They're Media Vision's. ~~The lucky bastards.~~

Wild ARMs 4 - All are Jude/Arnaud
Summary: Yulie instructs Jude and Arnaud to make cookies, but things don't go as she planned. Takes place post-game. Written for fufuberrysoda.
Ficlet #1, PG-13

By only assigning Jude and Arnaud a single task, Yulie thought she was safe.

Despite once being a restaurant owner (and how he had managed that she would never know), Arnaud was surprisingly useless at party planning. Even when said party was for his eight year-old daughter's birthday.

And so Yulie had taking on the planning of Ellie's birthday parties herself. Arnaud's (and Jude's, since he was as useless as his boyfriend), sole duty was to show up. This year, however, they had begged to be allowed to do something. It would have been easier to just buy cookies from the local bakery, but Yulie Ahtreide refused to allow her loved ones to settle for store bought imitations on their special days, damnit. It was with this thought in mind that she had handed the duo a bag containing cookie ingredients, a can of frosting, and a package of rainbow sprinkles. Cookies weren't so difficult that even Jude and Arnaud wouldn't be able to handle making them.

Later, she would decide that it was her own fault for entrusting them with anything. When she opened the door to Jude's cabin on the day of the party to pick up the cookies, she did not see trays of golden brown, perfectly frosted cookies. What she saw instead was Arnaud sprawled on the kitchen counter, gasping and trembling as Jude licked frosting and sprinkles from his bare chest.

Yulie stared for only a few seconds before blushing furiously and storming out of the cabin, slamming the door behind her. To hell with maintaining her baker's honor - this year the party guests would receive store bought cookies and they were going to like it.

Summary: Jude begins damage control. Follow-up to #1.
Ficlet #2, PG

At the sound of the door slamming, Jude whipped his head away from Arnaud's chest to stare at the direction of the noise. What the hell was that? Hadn't he already left the door shut?

Eh, it had probably been the wind. It happened from time to time. Speaking of time, weren't they supposed to have Yulie's cookies ready this afternoon?

Jude squinted at the clock hung on the far wall, his eyes widening when he noticed the time. "Crap! We were supposed to bring those cookies to Yulie half an hour ago!" In his hurry to scramble off of Arnaud, one knee came up directly between the older man's legs.

Arnaud let loose a high pitched screech, hands flailing. As he curled in on himself in an effort to prevent further groin abuse, he managed to roll right off the counter. A screech that was nearly as high as the first followed.

Jude ignored him, instead frantically gathering his clothes off the floor. "Damnit, we don't have time to make any. We'll just have to buy some at the bakery and hope Yulie doesn't know the difference." With that, he sprinted in the direction of his bathroom, presumably to wash off the evidence of their lack of baking.

Arnaud slowly got to his feet, one hand cupping his battle wound. "Jude! You could at least kiss it better!"

Summary: Arnaud asks Jude for help.
Ficlet #3, PG

Jude shifted uncomfortably, hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. “Are you sure about this?”

“Of course I’m sure! Come on, let’s get this over with.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“Jude, I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t need your help! And there’s nobody else I can go to.”

The redhead sighed, removing one hand from his pocket to scratch his head. “Fine, I’ll help you. But I still don’t see why we need to do this.”

“I told you, it’s so I don’t make an ass of myself when Raquel finally lets me kiss her! I want her to think I know what I’m doing.”

Jude snickered. “I still can’t believe you haven’t kissed anyone.”

Arnaud placed his hands on his hips, glaring at him. “Have you?”

Jude stopped laughing, face turning red as he stared at the ground. “……No.”

“That’s what I thought. Now, quit being so negative. This is perfect! It’ll be practice for both of us. Raquel will think I’m an amazing kisser, and Yulie will think the same thing about you!”

“But I don’t want to kiss Yulie. I don’t even want to kiss you."

“Just shut up and make out with me.”

Summary: Jude and Arnaud pass the time while waiting for an opportunity to escape from Arnaud's cell on Ciel Shelter. I AM SO GOING TO HELL FOR WRITING THIS ONE.
Ficlet #4, PG-13

The soldiers’ pounding footsteps faded as they passed the small prison cell. After a few minutes of silence, a head appeared in the single window set in the door. Jude’s eyes scanned the room, seeing nothing. He sighed in relief, turning away and sitting down next to his companion.

“They're gone.”

“Good.” Arnaud tilted his head back, running his shaking hands over his face.

“For a minute, I thought we were done for. Let’s stay here until nightfall, then we can go find that girl.”

“Fine with me.”

Jude turned to face the brunette, noticing his shaking hands for the first time. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”

“But you’re shaking.” His eyes widened as they passed over Arnaud’s lap. “Um…Arnaud…you’re…” he said nervously, hesitantly pointing a finger at the older boy’s unwelcome erection.

Arnaud glanced down and gasped, hands flying over his lap in order to cover himself. “It…it just happened! Don’t look!”

“But why - ?”

“It happens when I’m really nervous, okay? Just don’t look at me!”

“…Do you need any help?”

Arnaud stared at him, mouth dropping open. “Do I.....? Do I what? Are you insane?! You can’t help with this! Nobody can!”

Jude looked away. “Okay. I just thought that since we’re going to be here for a while, you wouldn’t want to have to worry about that the whole time. I’ll leave you alone.” He began pushing himself away from Arnaud, only to be stopped when a hand grasped his upper arm. “Arn – “

He was cut off when a pair of lips descended firmly and rapidly upon his own. Arnaud’s hands gripped his arms tight enough to bruise, but Jude didn’t notice. He was frozen in place, conscious only of the heated kiss he was being given. When Arnaud pulled away he was panting, staring at Jude as he licked his lips.

Then he smiled, hiding his nervousness with a shaky laugh. “I changed my mind?”

Summary: Raquel watches. Side pairing of Arnaud/Raquel.
Ficlet #5, G

Before she died, Raquel told her husband that she didn’t want him to die alone. It was necessary to say it – only a miracle would allow the two of them to grow old together. The idea of Arnaud spending the rest of his life with someone else didn’t bother as much as she thought it would. Once she’d accepted that that someone wasn’t going to be her, that is.

“You could always marry Jude,” she joked on one of her last days on Filgaia. Arnaud, sitting on the edge of her bed with tears running down his face, managed a weak laugh. It was obvious that the idea of moving on from Raquel was the last thing he wanted to think about.

After she died, Raquel spent most of her time watching her husband and daughter. She watched as Arnaud did learn to move on, despite his pain. She watched as business in their restaurant dwindled, and then stopped altogether. She watched as Arnaud and Ellie left the home they had all lived in together for a new life in Halim.

And she watched with amusement as Arnaud stood before Jude like a nervous schoolboy about to confess his feelings to his first crush. It was obvious to her that the brunette had fallen for Jude long before he actually confessed his feelings out loud. He may as well have had a neon sign displayed above him expressing the fact from the way he had acted around the redhead. His bravado, his constant efforts to impress Jude, everything.

For a while, she thought that he would manage to screw it up and chase Jude away. This was Arnaud, after all. But when Jude grabbed the older man’s face and pulled him in for a rough kiss, she knew that she had nothing to worry about.

He would be fine. Arnaud may not have been the sharpest sword on the weapon rack, but he was smart enough to realize that his place was with those who cared about him.

Summary: Jude and Arnaud attempt to make cookies once more. References #1 and #2.
Ficlet #6, PG-13

“Mmmm……” Jude’s eyes closed in bliss as licked sugary frosting from his finger. “Damn, these are good.”

“These better be good, considering the amount of time we put into making them.” Arnaud ran a hand through his hair, oblivious to the streaks of flour left in his fingers’ wake. “Now we don’t have to worry about Yulie hunting us down like last time.”

“Uh huh.”

“Are you even listening to me? Jude, we need to box these up and –" He stopped, staring at Jude in the midst of sucking yet more frosting off his finger.

“Hm?” Jude looked up, finger still in his mouth.

Arnaud strode forward, flashing a lecherous grin at his lover. “I think you can put that mouth to better use, don’t you?”

Wild ARMs 5
Summary: Dean gives Chuck an unforgettable present. Written for pic_murasaki's birthday. References Wanna Bet?.
Ficlet #7, Dean/Chuck, NC-17

This, Chuck decided, was the best birthday present he'd ever received.

Not the golem action figures his mother had given him as a child, and certainly not the maid's dress Greg had given him just hours ago "since you looked so good in the first one."

No, the best present ever had to be Dean, sprawled naked and grinning on Chuck's bed. His legs were spread unashamedly, giving the blonde a perfect view of his erect cock.

"Happy Birthday, Chuck," Dean purred. "Aren't you going to come over here and enjoy your present?"

Chuck's only response was a wordless gurgle, as his throat had gone completely dry.

"After all," the bluenette said, drawing his fingers up his inner thigh, "it is already unwrapped."

Summary: Avril wants to make Rebecca's birthday special. References #7.
Ficlet #8, Avril/Rebecca, R

Avril had never been very outgoing, even when she was with those she loved. Even with Rebecca, her girlfriend of one year, she still exhibited a degree of reserve. And so it never bothered the redhead when Avril would respond to her affectionate gestures with a shy smile or a soft squeeze of her hand.

Which was why Rebecca froze in her tracks upon seeing the older woman sprawled naked on their bed, making no effort to cover herself whatsoever.

“A…Avril?”

Avril merely smiled at her. “Hello, Rebecca,” she said softly, “Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks,” she said, still in shock over seeing her normally reserved girlfriend in such a state of undress.

Avril’s brow furrowed. “Do you not like your gift? Dean thought that you would like it.”

The mention of her childhood friend snapped Rebecca out of her stupor. “What?! Dean told you to do this?”

Avril nodded. “I wanted to get something special for your birthday, so I asked Dean what you would like. He said this was the perfect gift to give your lover. I apologize for not giving you the proper gift last year, Rebecca. I did not know this was the appropriate birthday present for couples.”

Rebecca appeared to not have a heard a word she’d said. “Dean,” she growled, eyes narrowing.

“Yes. He received a favorable response from Chuck on his birthday, so I had no reason to doubt his advice.”

“That little - !” Rebecca stormed out, presumably to find Dean and throttle him.

“Rebecca?” Avril sat up and stared at the space her where her lover had stood seconds before. “Do you not like the gift?”

Summary: Chuck finally gets tired of Dean's favorite saying.
Ficlet #9, Dean/Chuck, NC-17

“Chuck, it’s okay. We don’t have to do it tonight if you don’t want to.”

“I want to!” Chuck was on all fours over Dean, body rigid. “Just give me a minute!”

Dean sighed. “Look, if you’re tired, I’ll understand. It’s no big deal.”

“I said I’m not tired! Hold on.” Chuck leaned back to rest on his knees, one hand moving between his legs to stroke his still flaccid cock. After a few minutes of no success, he growled in frustration. “Damnit!”

Dean flashed an encouraging smile at his lover. “Don’t worry, Chuck, keep trying! You can do anything if you don’t –"

“Finish that sentence and I will kill you.”

Summary: Carol plays Nancy Drew.
Ficlet #10, Carol, Dean/Chuck, PG

There was something……off about Dean, but Carol couldn’t put her finger on it. He was his usual upbeat (and somewhat dim) self, so there couldn’t be anything seriously wrong. However, he had returned to the group’s camp somewhat different than when he’d left it. He wasn’t talking as much as usual, but he still seemed happy. So what could it be?

Carol gazed at Dean, trying to come up with an answer. When she saw his lips, she gasped and ran to his side.

“Dean! What happened to you?”

Dean whipped his head around to look down at her. “What do you mean? Nothing happened.”

“But your lips are swollen! Did you eat something poisonous!”

She only received a blank stare. “No. I didn’t eat anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I think I’d remember if I ate anything.” He laughed. “You know me, though! I could have eaten something and then forgotten it!”

“Dean –"

“Hey, guys.” Chuck entered the camp, dropping a stack of firewood with a grunt. “The others aren’t back yet?”

Carol turned to reply to him, but stopped when she noticed the prominent hickey just above his collarbone. She gasped, hands flying to her mouth as she staggered back. She had solved the mystery of the swollen lips in the worst possible way.

“Carol?” Dean placed a hand on her shoulder, looking down at her with concern. “Are you all right?” She shrieked, pulling away from him and running from the camp as if a rampaging monster were on her heels.

Dean and Chuck looked at each other, equally confused. “Was it something I said?”

Summary:Chuck's first legal drink. Inspired by a lulzy conversation with fufuberrysoda.
Ficlet #11, Greg, Chuck, PG

“What’ll it be?”

“We’ll have –"

“I’ll have a beer,” Greg interrupted as he slid into the bar stool next to Chuck’s. “And he’ll have a cosmo.”

The vicious glare Chuck sent his way was ignored. “I can order for myself, thank you.”

“No, you can’t. You don’t know how much alcohol you can handle yet. And I’m willing to bet you can’t handle very much.”

“I can handle more than a fucking cosmo, Greg.”

“We’ll see. Do you even like alcohol? You wouldn’t even be in a bar right now if it wasn’t your twenty-first birthday.”

Chuck scoffed as the bartender set their drinks in front of them. “Smartass.”

Half a cosmo later, he was loath to agree that Greg was right. He really didn’t care for alcohol, but he wasn’t about to admit it. He pulled the lime slice off the side of his glass, thinking how embarrassing it was that he thought it looked more appealing than the alcohol. He sighed, bringing it to his lips and sucking the juice out.

“Told ya.”

To his left, Greg was grinning smugly. Chuck flung what was left of the lime at him. “Shut up! I’m still going to finish this, you know.”

“Sure you are. If you can walk a straight line, I’ll eat my hat.”

Chuck rolled his eyes and rose from his stool……

……only to trip and fall flat on his face.

He heard a burst of laughter above him. Seconds later, a lime slice was shoved in his face. He looked up to see Greg kneeling next to him. “Lime?”

Chuck wordlessly took it, and without even a change of expression squirted the juice directly into Greg’s eyes. As the older man yelled and frantically swiped at his eyes, Chuck smirked.

“Who can’t handle it, now?”

Summary: After his close call in Mirapulse, Chuck needs to work off some tension.
Ficlet #12, Dean/Chuck, NC-17

He’d put on a brave face for the crowd, but once it was just the two of them Chuck couldn’t stop shaking.

This had begun with a plea from Chuck that he didn’t want to be alone, and with Dean’s unwillingness to ignore anyone in distress.

But Dean had never imagined when he agreed to room with Chuck for the night, that the blonde would be naked and trembling in his arms within the hour. A pair of arms had wrapped themselves around him, a shaky voice had whispered, “Make me forget,” and a warm pair of lips had descended upon his.

He’d had his misgivings at first. But now Chuck was grasping his upper arms and moaning in pleasure as the bluenette moved within him, his face finally free of tears. He was still trembling, but it was in ecstasy instead of fear. At this moment, Dean knew he had made the right decision.

Summary: The group's plan to meet Lady Diana encounters a slight snag.
Ficlet #13, Rebecca, Dean/Chuck, PG

“You idiot! We’re supposed to be presentable when we appear before the Veruni, and now you’ve ruined everything!”

Chuck shrank back from her, holding his arms up as if he thought she was going to strike him. “I’m sorry! It’s not like I did it on purpose or anything!”

“Oh, you didn’t do it. He,” Rebecca said, turning her glare on Dean. “was the one who shoved you into a corner and molested you.”

“I didn’t molest him, Rebecca. I –"

“Shut up!” Rebecca cut her friend off in mid-sentence. “I don’t care about the specifics. Dean, give him your scarf.”

Blank stare. “Why?”

“Why? Because we need to cover up the damn hickey on his neck, that’s why!”

Dean and Chuck exchanged a nervous look. “Um……”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Rebecca said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll do it myself.” She stepped forward and ripped Dean’s scarf from his neck before he could stop her. However, she immediately dropped the scarf in disbelief once it was in her hands.

Dean’s neck was literally covered in dark, easily visible marks. The last thing Rebecca wanted to do was count them, but she picked out at least five before tearing her eyes away.

Dean uttered an uneasy laugh. “You see, I would have given Chuck my scarf to cover his neck, but – urk!”

He was cut off once again as Rebecca lunged towards him and wrapped the scarf around his neck. He tried unsuccessfully to fend her off as she began to throttle him with his own clothing. “Gah…Rebecca……can’t……breathe………”

Luckily for Dean, he was saved by the arrival of Greg, who was the only one strong enough to pull Rebecca off of him. In the end, all six of them made it into the Rygs family mansion. The only way Chuck made it in, though, was to wrap Carol’s hair ribbon around his neck.

The infamous scarf incident was what prompted Dean and Chuck to make their “no hickeys from the neck up” rule.

Summary: Greg lets Rebecca in on something he's noticed during their time together.
Ficlet #14, Greg, Rebecca, G

“What?! But…but…I’m not in love with Dean!”

“Bullshit,” Greg said, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall to face Rebecca. “I’m surprised nobody else has figured it out, actually.”

“That’s because there’s noting to figure out!”

Greg raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Rebecca gave him an unflinching stare. When Greg didn’t look away after several minutes, she turned her head and sighed. “Fine, I am in love with him.” Just as suddenly as she’d looked away, she whipped her head up to stare at him with a frantic look in her eyes. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“Nah.” Greg briefly raised his hat to scratch his head. “They don’t have a clue.”

At his words, Rebecca visibly relaxed. “Good.” She leaned against the wall next to him. “I’m not ready to say anything to him yet. I know I should just get it over with and tell him how I feel, but…I just can’t work up the nerve to actually do it.” She was silent for a brief amount of time. “I’m sure it’ll work out, though. Even someone as dense as Dean has to realize what a good thing is right in front of him if I just come out and say it.”

Greg opened his mouth to argue, then shut it as he reconsidered. She’d likely be furious when she found out, and the last thing he wanted was for her to shoot the messenger. It would be wise to just let events run their course.

In the meantime, he wouldn’t mention the fact that he’d caught Dean in a heated make out session with Chuck when the three of them had shared a room at the last inn the group had visited. Better to let Rebecca find out some things for herself.

Summary: Avril has a suggestion.
Ficlet #15, Dean/Chuck/Avril, NC-17

The first time Avril had suggested it, Dean was convinced she had lost her mind. “Avril…I’m with you, not Chuck. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Avril shook her head. “I realize the seriousness of what I am proposing, Dean. I would not have brought it up if I wasn’t certain it was the best course of action.”

“But –"

She placed a finger over his lips, effectively silencing him. “It would do both of you a great deal of good. You love Chuck, do you not?” Dean didn’t reply. “Do you?”

“……Yes.”

“And he loves you as well. I’m sure of it.” Avril pulled Dean close to her, wrapping her arms around him. “Dean, I’m worried about what will happen if this tension between you and Chuck is not resolved. I have never once doubted your feelings for me, and I can accept the fact that you have fallen in love with two people. If the three of us try and fail, it will be worse than if we never did anything at all.”

“Avril……”

She kissed him. “Don’t worry. I have a good feeling about this.”

And of course, she was right. Dean had felt nothing but pure bliss as he’d kept a firm grip on Chuck’s hips, holding the blonde in place as the older boy rode him. And Chuck’s cry of pleasure as Avril pressed herself against him from behind and wrapped a hand around his cock was music to his ears.

Afterward, the three of them rest together in an exhausted, sweaty heap. Avril’s head rested on the left side of his chest, fast asleep. On his right side, Chuck mirrored her position. It wouldn’t be long before his arms fell asleep, since he held both of them firmly against him. However, he could honestly say that he had never felt more at peace.

MGS4 Reaction

2008-06-13T17:55:08Z

Yesterday my brother bought Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, and we spent the entire day playing through it. (Well, he played and I watched.) Playing through in one sitting = 16 hours. We had a case of Mountain Dew to keep us going until 4:00 AM, when he finally finished it. Totally worth it. I was exhausted and my legs were stiff from sitting for hours at a time, but the game was so awesome I didn't care.

Since this is the end of a legendary series, it's only right that I express my reaction to it through netspeak and excessive fangirling.

HOLY SHIT MGS4 IS EPIC. HOLY JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE. ALSMDVIEJRKEJFKLDJFDKLSFJSDKLFJASDLK;F *flails*

SNAKE AND OTACON ARE SO MARRIED. THIS GAME JUST CONFIRMS IT. ♥

OMG AWESOME RAIDEN IS AWESOME. TRUFAX. I MUST MARRY HIM NOW. (It always irritates me when people bitch about him in MGS2. I was one of the only people who actually liked him.)

JOHNNY SASAKI. DEAR JESUS I LOVE HIM. HE IS FUCKING AMAZING, BITCHES. XDDDDDDDDDDD
Who would have thought that Johnny of all people would be involved in a serious storyline and have it totally work? It was glorious. ^_____^

HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST THE PATRIOTS. WTF. WTF. O____O

OCELOT. OCELOT. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST OCELOT. SFKSDJFSDKFJSDIMASVIJDFKDJFDKS *headdesk*

MY MIND HAS BEEN BLOWN IN SO MANY WAYS. I HAD NO EXPECTATIONS PLOT-WISE BUT WAS STILL SHOCKED BEYOND BELIEF. EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED AND IT WAS AMAZING OMFG. *dies*

I am never going to look at MGS3 the same way ever again. Holy. Fucking. Crap.

Someone on my flist needs to obtain the game so I can have someone to flail over it with. (My brother just left on a three week choir tour of Minnesota, so he's out. I am sad.) Or if you're like me and you're too lazy to play through it, I will gleefully spoil major plot points for you.

1. Which unexpected (but totally plausible) pairings happen in-game?
BONUS #1: Which unexpected (and completely incomprehensible) pairing happens?
2. Who were the founders of the Patriots? (I've never played Portable Ops, nor am I familiar with the storyline. There's a clue as to who founded the Patriots in it, but as I had no idea I was blindsided. It was awesome.)
3. Which "good" characters turned out to be villains (for lack of a better word) and which character we all previously thought was a total bastard turned out to basically be one of the good guys?
4. How in the fuck was Liquid able to possess Ocelot?
5. Which characters that we never in a million years thought would make another appearance do just that? You'll never guess. Seriously. I nearly hit the ceiling.
6. Guess which character gets an unexpected but totally deserved happy ending. I was smiling so hard. :D
7. What happens to Snake at the end of the game? SLDMVDJFKDJFDJS
8. The surrogate mother of Liquid and Solid is revealed!
9. Big Boss' rotting corpse: Where is it?
BONUS #2: We actually get to see the thing (or what remains of it). What shocking fact is revealed about it later?
10. Who unexpectedly dies in the very last cutscene of the game?
BONUS #3: Who unexpectedly dies during the game?
BONUS #4: Who dies during the game, period?
11. Once again, Snake has to fight a psychologically unbalanced group of WTF villains. Who is the unexpected mastermind behind them? (Also one of the answers to #5.)
12. The identity of the infamous Dr. Clark (who turned Gray Fox into the Cyborg Ninja) is revealed. Who is he/she? FYI: This was the first of many twists that made me gasp out loud.
13. How did Vamp survive a shot to the head in MGS2?
14. Guess where Act 4 takes place. It's a location of much joy! ~~It actually isn't.~~
15. What sounds like the summary for a crack fic but actually happens in-game?
16. Whatever happened to Olga's baby and Raiden's unborn child?
17. Who suffers the least violent death in MG history?
18. Who are the Patriots now?

Pick a number, and I will blow your mind. To be fair, I viewed most of the game in the wee hours of the morning while only being awake because of caffiene. And my brother unfortunately took the strategy guide with him to read on his trip, so I'm unable to look up a few specifics concerning the plot. (I'm talking about the intricately detailed information concerning the Patriots' modern goals and other stuff like that. My exhausted brain was only latching on to major plot points by then.) Specific questions will be reinforced in July when I can steal the strategy guide. :D

Cracky P3 Videos

2008-06-11T04:46:19Z

In honor of me finally beating The Answer in Persona 3, I am hereby posting the most awesomely cracky P3 videos I could find. Admittedly, I didn't look very hard. :D

If you've ever seen Azumanga Daioh, than you already have some idea as to how cracky this video is. 1:12 - OMG WTF LOL XDDDDDDDD

I couldn't resist posting these two, even those they're basically the same. The first one has mostly Minato and the girls, while the second one has all the main characters. Except Strega, but screw them. :D

Shinji and Koromaru dancing in the second video killed me. It was glorious.

EDIT: It's the next day and "Caramelldansen" is still stuck in my head. >____>

10 x 10

2008-05-29T20:02:37Z

I have several things I should be doing right now: filling out a job application, looking up ideas for my cousin's bridal shower on Saturday, exercising, etc. Instead I'm putting all of them off to create a meme. And to occasionally stare into space while listening to the clock tick. Because I can.

Make ten lists of ten things each. They can be of whatever you want: favorite foods, reasons cats are adorable, the worst jobs you've ever had, anything. Just remember the "10 x 10" theme. Symmetry is awesome, people.

None of the lists are ranked; I'm too lazy to do that. They're just listed as they popped into my head. :D

10 Favorite Movies
1. Clue
2. Brokeback Mountain
3. Dead Man on Campus
4. Airplane!
5. The Wedding Banquet
6. Iron Man
7. And Then There Were None
8. The Empire Strikes Back
9. Kung Fu Hustle
10. Dumb and Dumber

10 Canon (Or Almost Canon) Pairings I Hate - For the majority of these pairings, I actually like both characters; I just don't like them together. Of course, there are exceptions. *glares viciously at #1*
1. Heero/Relena (Gundam Wing) - One of the few exceptions. I love Heero, but Relena is my least favorite character to ever exist. Ever. Out of all the animes, video games, movies, TV shows, books I've watched/played/read.
2. Monica/Chandler (Friends) - I adore both characters, but I hated how Chandler had to change in order to be with Monica. She became such a damn shrew once they were engaged that I can't believe the writers kept them together.
3. Wakka/Lulu (Final Fantasy X)
4. Squall/Rinoa (FFVIII)
5. Domon/Rain (G Gundam) - This one I dislike because it's so overdone. I'm not sure how it is now, but recently the fandom was dominated by purists who nearly had seizures if anyone dared write a non-canon pairing.
6. Gene/Melfina (Outlaw Star)
7. Tidus/Yuna (FFX)
8. Stuart/Frannie (The Stand)
9. Kazuya/Jun (Tekken) - Their union did produce Jin, who I love, but I still have trouble believing this actually happened. The two only knew each other during the T2 tournament (I'm no expert, so I could easily be wrong), and Jun doesn't seem like the type of woman who'd leap into bed with a guy she hadn't known long. This one just doesn't work for me.
10. Chris/Jill (Resident Evil) - I know this one isn't canon, but I seem to be the only person in the RE fandom who doesn't like it. I also seem to be the only person who ships Carlos/Jill instead. >_____>

10 Commercial Series That Make Me Want to Gouge Out My Eyes
1. Olive Garden
2. Visa Checkcard - Okay, we get it: it's easier to pay with a card than a check/cash. But daily life will not grind to a fucking halt if I decide to pay with a $20 bill instead of digging through my purse for my damn card.
3. Wal-Mart
4. Dish Network - Contrary to what everyone around me seems to think, Frank Caliendo is not funny.
5. Anything for a Bravo TV show
6. Charter
7. Always - No, I am not going to have a happy period. Periods are not "happy." They are evil, disgusting, painful, and inconvenient. And the next person who tells me otherwise will die.
8. Red Bull
9. Geico - Those cavemen irritate the shit out of me. As does the gecko.
10. Corona

10 Favorite Yaoi Pairings
1. Smoker/Ace (One Piece)
2. Kazuya/Lee (Tekken)
3. Shinjiro/Akihiko (Persona 3) - The newest pairing I've begun to ship; it's awesome.
4. Dean/Chuck (Wild ARMs 5) - As of now, I'm the only person (that I know of) that has written English D/C fic. And that, my friends, is a tragedy. :(
5. Phoenix/Edgeworth (Ace Attorney)
6. Taichi/Yamato (Digimon)
7. Snake/Otacon (Metal Gear Solid)
8. Jin/Hwoarang (Tekken)
9. Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter)
10. Luffy/Zoro (One Piece)

10 Celebrities That Make Me Want to Go On a Shooting Rampage - Exluding politicians; I could create a whole other list for them. Topping it would be Bush, because I hate him. And he's an intolerant prick.
1. Britney Spears
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. Paris Hilton
4. The entire cast of High School Musical
5. Anyone who appears on a Disney Channel series
6. Every single American Idol contestant
7. Jennifer Lopez
8. Hilary Duff
9. Anyone who is only famous because of their already famous sibling (i.e. Ashlee Simpson)
10. Country music duos - Yes, all of them.

10 Annoying TV Shows
1. American Idol
2. Rules of Engagement - As it is largely responsible for the cancellation of The Class, it must be destroyed.
3. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - Call me a bastard, but there is such a thing as too much sap. *vomits*
4. NCIS
5. Laguna Beach/The Hills - *seppuku*
6. E! True Hollywood Story
7. Anything on TLC - particularly What Not To Wear: Could Stacy London be more of a bitch?
8. CSI: Miami
9. Reality dating shows, except for the awesomely bad Next
10. Grey's Anatomy

10 Pairings/Characters That Only I Seem to Ship/Like - If there are other people that like it, they number about two.
1. Jude Maverick (WA4) - While we're on the subject of WA, I also seem to be the only person who doesn't like Janus. I was thrilled when he finally bit the dust. *is shot*
2. Forest Law (Tekken)
3. Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter) - That this pairing gets so little love saddens me. Particularly after watching the animated movie and SFII:V. The pool scene - GAY.
4. Paul/Forest (Tekken) - All right, so more than two people like P/F. But it still receives almost no love.
5. Mission Vao (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)
6. Mical/Disciple (KotOR II)
7. Fei Long (SF)
8. Domon/Chibodee (G Gundam)
9. Fei Long/Chun Li (SF)
10. Yukari Takeba (Persona 3)

10 Favorite Het Pairings
1. Albel/Nel (Star Ocean:Till the End of Time)
2. Lei/Jun (Tekken)
3. Jet/Virginia (WA3) - I'll admit that this one is extremely overdone. But to be fair, the majority of J/V writers suck. Written well, this pairing is fantastic.
4. Arnaud/Raquel (WA4)
5. Atton/Exile (KotOR II)
6. Ross/Rachel (Friends)
7. Cloud/Tifa (FFVII)
8. Rudy/Cecilia (WA/ACF)
9. Kohza/Vivi (One Piece)
10. Carth/Female Revan (KotOR)

10 Video Games I Could Play for Hours
1. Any WA game
2. Jade Empire
3. Persona 3
4. Fable
5. Guitar Hero
6. Rogue Galaxy
7. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
8. Street Fighter Alpha 3
9. Soul Calibur III
10. Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes

10 Things I Love
1. KITTIES (particularly mine, as she is adorable)
2. French fries
3. Watching the stars
4. Classic rock
5. Asian history
6. Classic TV shows Hawaii Five-O, M*A*S*H, and Gilligan's Island
7. Sleeping in
8. Chocolate
9. Injecting the word "brains" into conversation
10. Anime

This has been the longest Memorial Day weekend ever

2008-05-26T19:50:22Z

*throws up arms in manner reminiscent of sprinter finishing a long race* GUH. I forgot how brutal graduation weekends are. My brother graduated from high school on Friday, and I've spent the weekend as my mom's bitch in order to help get the house ready for Dylan's open house. I also got drunk three nights in a row, and had my best friend's bachelorette party last night. Today I took great pleasure in sleeping in and doing nothing.

There's a stop sign by some railroad tracks near my parents' house, and I run through it all the time. You can see an oncoming train from miles away, so most people only stop if there's a cop nearby. On my way home Thursday night, I at least slowed down and just ran through it like I normally do. Not far down the road, I looked in my rearview mirror to see a sheriff's deputy right behind me, lights flashing. Shit.

Mental responses will be in italics.
*pulls over, thinking I've been caught speeding*
Deputy: Is there a reason you ran the stop sign back by the railroad tracks?
Me: Oh fuck. *gasp* Oh my god, there's a stop sign back there? I didn't know it was there!
Deputy: Yeah, you slowed down, but then went right on through.
Me: Crap, there goes my plan to pretend I didn't know about it. ........Oh.
*license and registration are asked for, blah blah blah, etc.*
Deputy: Well, I'll tell you what -
Me: Sweet, I think he's just going to let me off with a warning.
Deputy: - I'll get this citation written up as fast as I can so you can be on your way.
Me: Damnit!

Considering I'm already borrowing money from my parents just to pay rent every month, they were not thrilled to learn that I now have to pay a $127 ticket.

Meme time!
Rules:
1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of ticking them off with x's. (example: 1, 2, 3, 4...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through __ of these 158 things."

[1] I have read a lot of books. (Books are WIN.)
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. (Pfft. I can't even do one.)
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[ ] I have been to Europe.
[2] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[3] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[4] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[5] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[6] I have played ping pong.
[7] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[8] I have seen fireworks.
[9] I have seen a shooting star.
[10] I have seen a meteor shower.
[11] I have almost drowned.
[12] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[13] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[14] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[15] I have stayed up 'til 2 doing homework/projects. (I've stayed up until 6 doing homework. I wanted to die.)
[16] I currently have a job. (Bath & Body Works, bitches.)
[17] I have been ice skating. (I took lessons for six years.)
[18] I have been roller blading. (We lived outside of town, and my house was at the end of a half mile long gravel driveway. I could roller blade in our garage, and that was it. Yippee.)
[19] I have fallen flat on my face. (I do it all the time.)
[20] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[21] I have played video games for more than 3 hours straight. (If I play for only three hours, I consider it a miracle.)
[22] I have watched the Power Rangers. (The PR were the shit when I was growing up. My brother and I had all the action figures.)
[ ] I attend Church regularly. (I only do when I'm visiting home and my mom makes me go. And that's only on major religious holidays. Meaning Christmas, so we go about once a year. And even that's not for certain.)
[23] I have played truth or dare.
[24] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[25] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[26] I've called someone stupid.
[27] I've been in a verbal argument.
[28] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[29] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[ ] I've climbed a rock wall.
[30] I've lost more than $20.
[31] I've called myself an idiot.
[32] I've called someone else an idiot.
[33] I've cried myself to sleep. (Done that way too many times.)
[34] I've had (or have) pets. (One cat.)
[35] I've owned a Spice Girls CD. (I've owned several. I thought they were the best group ever when I was in junior high.)
[36] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[37] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD.
[38] I've mooned someone.
[ ] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[39] I've been in the newspaper.
[40] I've been on TV. (On the local cable channel for school concerts and local ice shows, but it counts.)
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[ ] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[ ] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[41] I've watched the 3 Stooges. (The 3 Stooges are awesome. Everybody should watch them.)
[42] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica. (There was nothing else on. *blushes*
[43] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[44] I've been called a geek.
[45] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[46] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. (This doesn't happen as often as I'd like.)
[47] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[48] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[ ] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[49] I've written poetry. (All of it has been for English/writing classes. All of it is also horrible.)
[ ] I've been arrested. (I've been pulled over, but never arrested.
[50] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[51] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[52] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[53] I've had/have siblings. (A younger brother.)
[54] I've been to a rock concert.
[55] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[56] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[57] I've cried in front of my friends.
[58] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[59] I've freaked out over a sports game. (You should see me when football seasons starts. HOLY CRAP.)
[ ] I've been to Alaska.
[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
[60] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[61] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[62] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[63] I've been forgiven.
[64] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[65] I've cried at a chick flick.
[66] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[67] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[68] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[69] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[70] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[ ] I've been in a car accident.
[ ] I've done drugs.
[71] I've been homesick.
[72] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've puked on someone. (On myself, but never someone else.)
[73] I've been horseback riding. (Only once, because horses scare the shit out of me.)
[74] I've filled out more than 10 myspace/LJ surveys. (I find them strangely addictive.)
[75] I've spoken my mind in public.
[76] I've proved someone wrong.
[77] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm/fingers.
[78] I've fallen off a swing.
[79] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight.
[80] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[ ] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[81] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[82] I've known someone who has died.
[83] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I've done modeling.
[84] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[85] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[86] I've realized how good my life is.
[87] I've counted my blessings.
[88] I've made fun of a classmate.
[89] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[90] I've slapped someone in the face.
[91] I've been skateboarding. (It was awful.)
[92] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. (This is what led to my depression. Thanks a lot, you fucking bitches.)
[93] I've lied to someone to their face.
[94] I've told a little white lie.
[95] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[ ] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[96] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[97] I've been pushed into a pool.
[98] I've been/am in love.

Get in the Ark, fucknut!

2008-05-19T19:54:23Z

I don't know about my fellow gamers on my flist, but I hate it when children join your party. Mostly because I just plain hate children, but most of them are also annoying. The only exceptions I've found are Wild Flower from Jade Empire and Carol from WA5. They might not be the best fighters, but I actually like them.

P3's Ken, however, falls into the annoying category. I actually didn't mind him at all while he was living in the dorm over the summer, but after he joined the team I wanted to throttle him. At least he's useful in battle, but that doesn't save him from my irritation.

Random note: Pharos - Creepiest. Child. Ever.

Which brings me to the October full moon. It's a known fact that whenever a character, regardless of fandom, says something along the lines of "Don't worry; everything will be fine", "We're assured of victory", "It'll be a breeze!", etc., that something is going to go horribly wrong. So when my fellow team members began assuring me of an easy victory, I knew that catastrophe was upon us. I was expecting a huge plot twist where it would be revealed that I someone had been possessed/was going to betray me/was actually having a love affair with a sheep. I was not expecting one of the party members to FREAKING DIE. O_____O

Having recently discovered the joy that is Shinji/Aki, to say that I was disgruntled by Shinji's death would be an understatement. Not just because he's one half of a pairing I'm coming to love, but I was really starting to like the guy.

I thought his death scene could have been better, though. It annoyed me that the scene focused more him and Ken than him and Akihiko. (Yes, I know the events leading up to said death were Ken-centric, but humor me.) I would have expected him to say more than one sentence to Aki considering the fact that they were childhood friends and he was dying. At least we got a scene with Aki's reaction later, but still.....The fact remains that Ken just annoys me.

In conclusion, I've decided that Takaya needs to die. Painfully.

Another reason I can't stand children in fandom? THEY NEVER DIE. Characters bite the dust all the time, but never the annoying kid who won't shut the fuck up. I honestly wouldn't have been disappointed if Ken had been mowed down instead of Shinji. Why do the characters I actually like die on a regular basis (Zu, Shinji, Kavar, Krillin, Kresnik, Jin, etc.) and the children I can't stand literally live through the apocalypse (Ken, that kid from the forgettable movie about mallgoers being held hostage by terrorists, the girl from Farewell to Nostradamus, Alice, Sherri, etc.)

This, my friends, is why I am incapable of being a mother. :D

This video is long (about 21 minutes), but it's totally worth the load time. Due to my distate of organized religion, I already mock Bible games mercilessly. This video just reinforces the fact that said games are crap. And it's hilarious. My personal favorite is the first Noah's Ark game mentioned.

EDIT: The user's account has been suspended, so sadly the video is no longer available for viewing. What the hell? I just watched it a few hours ago. I am disgruntled, as this video is freaking awesome.

EDIT II: Upon further reflection, I decided that Ken doesn't irritate me as much. I still wouldn't have minded if he'd bitten the dust, though. *is evil*

EDIT III: This is probably the beer talking, but Ken has redeemed himself. Nice boy.

Yep, it's Monday again

2008-05-12T16:22:48Z

My motivation to get dressed, then work 12-4 and return at 7:00 to help set up our new floor set is not strong. However, my motivation to stay home, wear sweatpants, and play Persona 3 all day is very strong. Must fight urge to call in sick............

Last night's episode of Brothers & Sisters was awesome. I emitted many fangirly squees at seeing my OTP get married. But I still can't believe that the writers had Kevin leaving on his wedding night to tell Sarah about their father's supposed secret love child. THAT CAN WAIT UNTIL MORNING, YOU IDIOT. STAY HOME AND HAVE HOT WEDDING NIGHT SEX WITH SCOTTY INSTEAD. >_____>

I'm not scheduled to work again until Friday because I'm maxed out on hours. Yay! So tomorrow I'm heading home to see my family/play with Kitty/sleep until noon/watch Snapped marathons. I'm trying to resist temptation to bring my PS2 home with me so I can play P3 during the day. *eyes slide slowly to console* Damn you, P3 and your addictive gameplay. But I am ready to throttle Kenji because I accidentally reversed the Social Link and now he's being bitchy and refusing to talk to me. Fine, have your illegal student/teacher relationship without me, fucker.

EDIT: I caved and brought the PS2 with me. Operation Babe Hunt = Best. Scene. Ever. XD

The campus bookstore, where you definitely DON'T get more bang for your buck

2008-05-09T16:18:46Z

I've never expected to get very much from the campus bookstore, but yesterday took the cake. I brought my books from both fall and spring semesters back (about $600 worth), and got a grand total of $53.75 back. Seriously? I thought I'd at least get $100 for them. I was also generously given a coupon for 20% on university t-shirts - which expires tomorrow, by the way. Thanks, campus bookstore. >_____>

I used the mountains of cash (ha!) to buy Persona 3:FES. Just from reading the manual, I decided that the main character and Junpei are screwing like rabbits. I named the main character Hiro, but I was sorely tempted to name him Muffin. For no reason other than "muffin" is a fun word to say. I had to laugh when after the first day of school, text appears that says "You decide to go home with Junpei." I literally loled and thought, "'Go home', huh? Heh heh heh......"

Even better was "You decide to go home with Junpei, talking and laughing at each other's inappropriate jokes." That's not all they're doing that's inappropriate. :D

Wanna Bet?

2008-05-06T17:22:24Z

Title: Wanna Bet?
Fandom: Wild ARMs 5
Pairings: ?/Chuck, Avril/Rebecca, Lucille/Fereydoon (Lucille tops. You KNOW she does.)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: WA5 and all its characters belong to Media Vision.
Summary: A simple question lands Chuck in a world of trouble - but it also gets him something he never knew he wanted. Featuring devious!Greg, enraged!Rebecca, and Fereydoon and Chuck having the most awkward moment ever.

This was inspired by pic_murasaki's wonderful maid!Chuck pic. I'd planned to write a very long drabble that consisted solely of Chuck in a maid's dress. That's it. Well, we all know what happened the last time I attempted to write a short WA fic. *looks guiltily at Jude/Arnaud madness three entries down* Once again plot attacked me and demanded to have its way with me. And once again I let it. I am a literary whore. ;_____;

“I wonder which one he’s going to choose.”

Greg glanced at the man sitting next to him on the hard wooden bench. “Who’s going to choose what, now?”

Chuck gestured to the small group across the street. “You know, Dean and the girls. Who do you think he’s going to end up with?”

The older man turned his gaze to Dean, who was talking and laughing with Avril, Rebecca, and Carol. He regarded them without expression for a minute, then said, “Carol.”

Chuck rolled his eyes. “Be serious. Avril or Rebecca?”

“Neither.”

“Neither? Are you crazy? I know for a fact he’s going to end up with Avril. How could he not?”

Greg merely shrugged. “Things don’t always turn out the way we expect. She could always find someone else.”

“Pfft. Yeah, right. This is Avril and Dean we’re talking about. There’s no way they won’t end up together.”

Greg opened his mouth to reply, then abruptly closed it again. A smirk appeared as he asked, “Wanna bet?”

-------------------------------------

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“I hate you.”

“Relax, it’s not that bad.”

“I hope wolves bite off your face, Russellberg.”

“I could always make you wear the hat thingy that goes with it.”

“Wolves. Your face. Mangled. Now.”

“It could be worse.”

Chuck stomped his foot, his face red with embarrassment and rage. “Worse?! I’m wearing a fucking dress! How the hell could it be worse?”

When Greg had proposed what was a seemingly innocent bet, the blonde had eagerly accepted. It had looked like there was no way he could lose. After all, who would be foolish enough to bet against Avril and Dean? It was fate. A person would have to blind not see how much they cared for each other. Chuck, like everyone else, had thought it would only be a matter of time before they became a couple. Sure, the Avril that was with them wasn’t the same Avril they had traveled with, but the bond between her and Dean was too strong to ignore. They would find their way into each other’s arms eventually.

So it was with complete confidence that Chuck had accepted Greg’s bet that yes, Dean would choose Avril. He’d thought Greg an idiot for saying the two would never end up together. The decision to have the loser do whatever the winner wanted made it even better. He knew that he had only to bide his time until Avril or Dean made a move, and then Greg was screwed.

Had he known that Avril was actually involved with Rebecca, and that Greg had been aware of this all along, he never would have opened his mouth.

And so this was how Chuck Preston came to find himself wearing a dress. But not just any dress. One of Lucille’s dresses. One of Lucille’s maid dresses. Which unfortunately fit him rather well.

He raised his head to glare at Greg. “You had to make me wear this one.”

Greg crossed his arms over his chest, giving Chuck a triumphant smirk. “Where else was I supposed to find one that would fit you on such short notice?”

“You didn’t have to make me wear a dress, you bastard! There are plenty of other ways to humiliate me!”

“I know. But this one looked to be the most fun.”

Chuck literally growled. “Lucille is going to kill you for stealing her dress, you know.”

“No, she won’t. How do think I got it in the first place? She thought it was hilarious.”

The blonde’s eyes widened. “You mean she knows?”

“Of course she does. And everyone else is going to know soon enough.”

“Aha!” Chuck pumped his fist as a smile emerged on his face for the first time in hours. “That’s right; her big engagement party is tonight! She’ll never let me show up in a dress! I’m saved!” Relief coursed through him as he mentally congratulated himself for remembering the informal party Lucille was throwing that evening to celebrate her engagement to Fereydoon. The official, formal party would come later. Tonight was a much more casual celebration for the couple and their close friends.

“Think again, Goldilocks.” Greg reached forward to ruffle Chuck’s hair, ignoring the younger man when he pushed his hand away with a scowl. “She told me to tell you that if you don’t show up in the dress, she’ll make you wear it to the formal party.”

Chuck stared at him. “She wouldn’t.”

Greg leaned in close to him, his face utterly serious. “Wanna bet?”

Chuck remembered how much trouble those exact words had already gotten him in, and closed his eyes as he let out a groan. Tonight was going to be hell.

---------------------------

As it happened, he was completely wrong. The night wasn’t hell. It was much, much worse.

He and Greg were two of the last guests to arrive in the ballroom of the Rygs mansion. Although the large room was more often used for formal events, it was still beautiful with its casual, elegant setting. Lucille and Fereydoon couldn’t have chosen a better place to celebrate their engagement with their loved ones.

Chuck would have been happy to see it demolished by a group of rampaging monsters.

He stopped just inside the doorway, causing Greg to stop and look back at him. The older man grasped his upper arm, giving him a not so gentle tug forward. “Come on.”

“No.”

“It won’t be so bad.”

“Not for you. You aren’t the one in a dress.”

Whatever Greg’s next words would have been were cut off by a woman’s voice shrieking, “Chuck, what are you wearing?”

The two men turned to see their former traveling companions staring at them. Carol’s face was so red it matched her dress, Rebecca and Dean sported matching slack jawed expressions of shock, and Avril merely looked confused. She tilted her head to the side, as if she was unsure what to make of the crossdressing blonde. Finally, she turned to her girlfriend and asked, “Rebecca, why is Chuck wearing a dress? Is it customary to wear the opposite gender’s clothing to celebrate an engagement? If so, I may need to change.”

Rebecca was snapped out her stupor as her mouth closed abruptly. “Of course not! You look fine, Avril.” She gave a small smile to the other woman before returning her gaze to Chuck. “I don’t know what Chuck’s doing!”

For the only time that evening, Greg didn’t prolong Chuck’s embarrassment. “He lost a bet.”

The redhead’s eyes narrowed. “A bet? What was it?”

“He and I were trying to decide whether he would end up with you or Avril. I won.”

“But he’s not with either of us!”

“That’s what I said.”

Rebecca placed her hands on her hips. “So…..you bet that he would end up neither of us.”

“That’s right.”

“And Chuck bet Dean would end up with me.”

“Nope.”

“Nope?” Rebecca was positively livid. “You mean he thought Dean would choose Avril?”

“Right.”

“And neither of you thought that he would ever choose me?”

“Pretty much.”

“Argh!” She flung her hands in the air. “I can’t believe you two! What’s so bad about me that I can’t attract a man?”

“Actually,” Carol interjected, “you didn’t attract a man, Rebecca. You’ve been with Avril for quite some time now.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Anyway,” Chuck said loudly. “the deal was that I have to wear this dress for a day. That’s the only reason I’m wearing it.”

Avril blinked. “That’s a maid’s dress, is it not?”

“……Yes.”

“Shouldn’t you be wearing the rest of the uniform?”

Chuck attempted to stammer out a reply as Greg laughed. “I told him he should, but in the end I figured having him wear the dress was bad enough.”

Avril nodded. “I see. Purple is a good color on you, Chuck.”

Greg laughed harder as Chuck’s face turned bright red. “That’s it, I’m leaving.”

He took two steps before Greg’s large hand clamped down on his collar. “You even think about leaving and I’ll make you wear the tights.”

Dean made an incomprehensible noise and ran off.

Rebecca giggled, her anger finally gone. “Looks like just the thought of that scared Dean away. Watch out, Chuck, you’ll probably traumatize him for life.”

Chuck broke free of the former Golem Crusher’s grip, fixing them all with yet another glare. “I need a drink.”

----------------------------------

Fortunately for Chuck, the party featured champagne in abundance. That was the only thing that went in his favor the entire night.

The reactions of Dean and the others mirrored those of the other guests. If he got one more stunned stare and “Why on Filgaia on you wearing a dress?”, he was going to kill someone. Preferably Greg.

The only one who hadn’t acted surprised to see his attire was Lucille, who greeted him with a laugh and a hug. This was her usual greeting, but she usually wasn’t laughing hard enough to have tears running down her face. Fereydoon at least hadn’t asked him why he was wearing a dress, but he’d done a double take upon seeing Chuck. And he’d been staring at him ever since.

Chuck’s plan had been to lurk at the edges of the ballroom all night. He’d still be in plain view of everyone, but at least he wouldn’t be the center of attention. It would have worked had Lucille not approached him and insisted that as her best friend, it wasn’t fair for him to not mingle and enjoy the party. The blonde’s reply of “I’ll mingle when I’m not wearing a dress” was met with a glare that put his own to shame and the declaration that Chuck was going to mingle and he was going to like it.

It took an hour of hell on the ballroom floor, dealing with even more stares and Lucille’s glaring at him if he even looked like he was going to bolt, before Chuck was finally able to escape back to the edge of the room. He was currently seated at one of the various tables that dotted the room, watching the dance floor. He caught a glimpse of Avril and Rebecca, sitting at a nearby table and talking quietly to one another. Avril laid her hand on top of Rebecca’s as she leaned in close to say something, and Rebecca smiled back at her.

The edges of his mouth curved upwards in a small smile. He had to admit that they made a good couple. It was just too bad that finding this out came at the price of his own public humiliation.

Chuck was broken out of his reverie by Fereydoon sitting down in the chair next to him. Their eyes met, and the blonde gave his tablemate a brief nod before looking away. He liked Fereydoon, he really did. In the years since Volsung’s defeat, he’d accepted that the former Sentinel really was the right man for Lucille. Since then, the two of them had actually become rather good friends. Chuck was normally quite comfortable making conversation with the other man.

However, he was normally not wearing a dress.

He looked over at Fereydoon, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “Um……nice party.”

Fereydoon cleared his throat. “Thank you.” He glanced over, looking just as uncomfortable as the blonde. “Lucille put a great deal of effort into it.”

“It shows. Everything looks fantastic.”

The older man’s face softened. “I’ll be sure to let her know. She insisted that everything be perfect.”

“It is perfect.” Chuck stared down at his hands, which were nervously picking at the edges of his apron. “You know, I never did thank you.”

Fereydoon blinked. “For what?”

“For making Lucille happy. For giving her what I never could.” He paused. “I’ve always just wanted her to be happy, even if isn’t with me. I’m glad that she’s so happy with you.”

It took Fereydoon nearly a full minute to reply. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to take good care of her.”

“I know.” The last trace of awkwardness was gone, and the two sat in a companionable silence for several moments.

Eventually Fereydoon spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”

Chuck smiled at him. “Go ahead.”

“How does the dress feel?”

Out of all the questions he’d expected Fereydoon to ask, that was most certainly not among them. “What?”

The newly engaged man blushed. “The dress. How does it feel to be wearing it?”

“……Why are you asking me this?”

“Please, just answer the question.”

“Um, all right. It’s…different.”

“But not uncomfortable?”

The evening could not become more bizarre. Nothing more could happen that would make this evening less mortifyingly awkward. “Not really. Look, why do you care whether or not I’m comfortable in your fiancée’s dress?”

“Well……since we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together, Lucille doesn’t want us to grow bored each other. And so she’s suggested that we…ah……attempt to inject a bit excitement into our.....physical relationship.”

This was not happening. Chuck was not having this conversation. He was officially not here.

Fereydoon was either unaware of the other’s discomfort or choosing to ignore it. “One of the things she suggested was……role playing. And so I ask you, the dress is comfortable?”

Chuck said nothing, too busy letting his brain attempt to process what the other man had just said to give a response. Lucille. His best friend. And Fereydoon. Role playing. Naked. Naked role playing with Lucille and Fereydoon. Wearing dresses.

He blinked. This was Lucille’s dress they were talking about, so why was Fereydoon…?

A light bulb that Chuck wished had forever stayed dim went off in his head. Fereydoon wanted to know how the dress felt because he was going to –

He recoiled, staring at Fereydoon with an expression of pure horror. “You mean she wants you to wear……”

“Yes.”

“In bed.”

“Yes.”

“………”

“I realize this is an awkward conversation, but there’s no one else I can ask.”

“I know,” Chuck said distractedly. His own voice sounded as if it was coming from a thousand miles away. “I think I need a drink.”

“I can get one for you,” Fereydoon said as he rose to his feet.

”No!” Chuck all but leaped out of his chair. “I mean, no thanks. I can get it myself. You just…..um……go dance with Lucille or something.”

“All right.” He placed a hand on Chuck’s shoulder. “So the dress is fine?”

“Yes, it’s lovely. If you’ll excuse me…..” He nearly sprinted to the nearest tray of champagne glasses. There was not enough alcohol on all Filgaia to erase the previous conversation from his head, but he was determined to try anyway.

-----------------------------

“Enjoying the party?”

Chuck glanced over his shoulder to see Greg approaching him. “Do I look like I’m enjoying it?”

“Not particularly.” Greg picked up a glass of champagne from the tray in front of the two of them and drank half of it in one gulp. “Too bad; you’re wearing such a nice party dress, too.”

With great effort, he fought the urge to throw his drink over the front of Greg’s shirt. “It’s your fault I’m miserable; you’re the one who’s responsible for making me wear this damn thing, anyway.

“Quit bitching. Everyone’s used to it by now.”

“That’s the problem! Some people are a little too used to it. If that professor of Carol’s tries to grope me even once more, I’m going to shove my Pile Bunker up his ass.”

Greg spat out his mouthful of champagne. “You mean Elvis wants to…” He didn’t finish his sentence, for at that minute he burst into laughter.

Chuck gave him a look that would melt steel. “It’s not funny.”

Greg shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He set his now empty glass down, gripping the edge of the nearby table to remain upright. Chuck fumed silently, arms folded indignantly over his chest. He waited until the other man’s laughter was dying down before saying icily, “Finished?”

The brunette wiped the remaining tears from his eyes as he straightened. “Yeah, I’m done. And just for the record, you can’t blame me if Elvis has the hots for you.”

“I can and I will.”

Greg grinned. “Hey, it’s not my fault you’ve got such a nice, girlish figure.” One hand came down in a sharp smack on Chuck’s ass, making the blonde jump. He whirled around to see Greg snickering behind him. Eyes narrowing, he slammed his glass onto the table hard enough to send what little champagne remained onto the tablecloth.

“To hell with this; I’m getting out of here.” He stormed away, but stopped and turned after only a few steps. “If I end up being dragged into a dark room and sodomized, I’ll know exactly who to thank!” Skirt swishing, he resumed his furious trip from the room.

---------------------------------

“Out of here” ended up being the first closet he came upon. Chuck leaned against the wall, sighing and running a hand through his hair. A storage closet wasn’t his ideal place to spend a party, even if his attire to said party was a certain hateful dress. However, he was quite certain he was going to cheerfully go on a killing spree if he couldn’t have at least a few minutes to himself.

Or a few minutes away from Elvis, at least. He shuddered, remembering the not too innocent gleam in the Veruni’s eye as he repeatedly requested that Chuck allow him to demonstrate his stretching. He’d happily watch several hours of the slightly less disturbing role playing Fereydoon had mentioned before he watched even several minutes of Elvis’ “stretching.”

Chuck started as the closet door opened, letting light stream into the previously dark room. He raised a hand over his eyes, squinted at the figure outlined in the doorway. “Who’s there?”

“Chuck?” The figure stepped into the closet. “What are you doing in here?”

The blonde relaxed as he recognized Dean’s voice. “Hey, Dean. I just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet.”

“Me too.” Dean took another step and reached for the doorknob. “Mind if I join you?”

He should have been confused that the younger man wanted to join him in a closet of all places, but nothing surprised him with Dean anymore. “I don’t mind.”

“Good.” Dean left the door open far enough to allow a small crack of light inside. He leaned against the opposite wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. Silence reigned for several minutes until Chuck broke it.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you come in here? Were you looking for me?”

“Um…..no. I’m actually hiding from Rebecca. She keeps trying to get me to dance with her.”

“That’s it?”

“You don’t understand! Rebecca is a terrible dancer! She nearly broke my feet the last time she got me to dance with her!”

“But she’s so graceful with her acrobatic shooting – “

Dean shook his head. “Trust me, that doesn’t mean she can dance.”

“Ah.”

“So why are you in here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

He received a blank stare. “No.”

Chuck gestured to his dress. “This! This horrible thing! I’d like to rip off the apron and strangle Greg with it. He’s enjoying the fact that I’m making a complete ass of myself way too much.”

“Chuck – “

“Not to mention the fact that Elvis keeps coming after me and trying to show me his stretches. And I’m pretty sure that he’s not talking about his pre-fight stretches.” He sighed. “Let’s face it, this dress is the worst evil to grace the surface of Filgaia in recent history.”

“No, it isn’t.”

Chuck looked up. “What?”

Dean took a step closer to him. “I said, it isn’t. It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad? Dean, have you actually looked at me in this thing? It’s ugly as hell, not to mention it shows off a disturbing amount of leg.”

“That’s why it looks so good on you.” Another step.

Chuck’s eyebrows came together as he stared at Dean. “Huh?”

Dean took a step towards him. “Why do you think Avril and Rebecca are with each other instead of me?”

“I…..” Chuck’s throat felt dry. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“They both told me how they felt, but I don’t like either of them that way. If Avril was the same person we saved Filgaia with, maybe something would have happened.” Another step.

“But…..?”

“But she’s not. She’s my friend, and I care about her, but I don’t love her. And Rebecca’s like a sister to me. I can’t see myself being with her, either.” Another step.

“So nothing happened between you guys?”

“No. I told both of them I just want to be friends. Avril didn’t really mind since she didn’t remember having feelings for me in the first place, but Rebecca was pretty upset. She wouldn’t talk to me for a while.” Another step.

“Oh. Well…….you guys seem to have worked things out.”

“Yeah, we have. It helps that she likes Avril now.” Another step.

“It certainly does.” Chuck tried to take a step back, but he was already flat against the wall.

Dean stopped directly in front of him. “Chuck, don’t worry about the dress. It doesn’t make you look ugly or anything like that. You always look perfect.”

“Dean, I don’t – “

The bluenette moved forward, one hand cupping the back of Chuck’s head while the other settled upon his left thigh. “Relax. I told you that I think you look perfect.”

Chuck wanted to reply, but all his attention was focused on Dean’s warm hand resting on his thigh. Oh dear god, his hand is on my leg. Okay, Chuck, stay calm. He’s probably drunk. His breath may not smell like alcohol, but he’s still probably drunk. That’s it. What the - ?! Oh, that’s just him massaging my leg. Wait, that’s him massaging my leg. Holy shit holy shit holy shit – oh yeah, right there. He’s actually pretty good at this. Gah, no! No! This is Dean we’re talking about, we shouldn’t be –

When Dean took advantage of his internal debate to kiss him, Chuck stopped thinking entirely.

----------------------------

Greg balanced a small stack of boxes as he walked down the hall. The party had gone well, and now the guests were all retreating to their respective rooms in the mansion for the night. He’d stayed behind to help Lucille and Fereydoon clean up, and was responsible for putting the last of the supplies away.

“Let’s see, second hall down, third door to the right…..” He had to make a quick maneuver to keep the top box from sliding off and falling to the floor. He cursed quietly, thinking how much easier this would have been with Chuck’s help. The blonde had never shown up to help clean like he’d previously agreed to, which was why Greg was now dealing with the dangerously wobbling boxes.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Chuck since the younger man had stormed off earlier. He hadn’t been that mad, had he? Nah, he’d be fine. He just needed some time to cool off.

With that in mind, Greg silently cheered as he found the storage closet he’d been looking for. He set the boxes down in order to pull the door open, and promptly froze.

As he’d expected, the closet was filled with boxes identical to those he’d been carrying as well as various cleaning supplies. What he was definitely not expecting to see was Dean, furiously making out with Chuck, one hand up the blonde’s dress. They were both too busy with each other to notice a stunned Greg, who stood in the doorway with his mouth hanging open. His stupor only lasted a few seconds, until he smirked as he silently closed the door again. Putting the boxes away could always wait until morning.

--------------------------------

What couldn’t wait until morning was the hormones of two men in their early twenties. Since Chuck’s room was closer, they’d agreed to spend the night there.

Chuck tore himself away from Dean long enough to fumble at the doorknob, the other hand reaching behind him to untie his apron strings. He gasped when Dean grabbed his hand and practically tore it away from the cloth knot. “Leave it on,” he breathed into the blonde’s ear, making Chuck shiver.

What followed in the ensuing minutes was a mad scramble to not only get inside the room and onto the bed, but also to remove Dean’s clothes and Chuck’s boxers. It would have been easier had the two of them been able to keep their hands off each other for longer than ten seconds at a time. Chuck, however, considered all the effort worth it when he tumbled onto the bed with Dean on top of him. The bluenette ground his weight into his new lover, wringing a rather satisfying groan from Chuck.

“Greg’s right; he should have made you wear those tights. It would have been hot.”

Chuck panted as he pulled Dean in for a heated kiss. “Fuck me,” he breathed as they separated, gripping the other man’s shoulders hard enough to bruise.

Dean hissed, grinding his hips harder. “Do you have anything?” He asked, moving his lips to the blonde’s neck.

“No.”

He stopped, raising his head to meet Chuck’s eyes. “You don’t?”

“I wasn’t expecting company tonight.”

“Well, neither was I!” They stared at each other for a few tense seconds. “What do we do?”

“I don’t know!”

“Hey, there’s probably something in the bathroom down the hall. You should go look.”

“Me?!”

“Come on, Chuck, you’re the only one still dressed!”

Chuck grumbled, pushing Dean off of him. “Fine, I’ll go look.”

--------------------------------

The trip to the bathroom almost went smoothly.

Chuck fortunately didn’t encounter anyone on his way there; the last thing he wanted was to run into anyone while he was…well, never mind. For the only time that night he was glad to be wearing a dress; embarrassing as it was, at least it was loose.

It took only a minute or two to find what he was looking for. With a small cry of victory, he snatched the desired object up and hurried from the room.

Only to run smack dab into a tall figure. Chuck backed up, stammering apologies as he began moving past whoever he’d bumped into. The little encounter would have been completely forgotten had he not looked up at the last minute.

What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks.

Fereydoon was standing before him; no surprise there, his bedroom was only two doors down. What was surprising was his attire. He stood before Chuck not in his usual clothing, but in a purple maid’s dress. Other than being a larger size, it was identical to the blonde’s own dress.

The two of them stared at each other with widened eyes for what seemed like hours, neither saying a word. Fereydoon’s gaze flickered to the object in Chuck’s hand, causing the blonde to blush furiously and shove his hand behind his back.

“This never happened,” the Veruni said, sporting a matching blush.

“Agreed.” With that, Chuck tore past Fereydoon and made a mad dash to his room.

If he never saw another purple dress, it would be too soon.

-----------------------------

“Here.”

Greg didn’t bother to turn around, recognizing Chuck’s voice. “Morning, sunshine,” he said, not looking up from his the suitcase he was currently attempting to shove clothing into.

“Can it. I’m here to give you your damn dress back.”

“Shouldn’t you be givin’ it to Lucille? It’s technically her dress, after all.”

“I already tried. She told me to keep it.”

“So keep it.” Greg cursed, leaning his full weight on the suitcase in an attempt to keep it closed.

“No way in hell. This thing’s been more trouble than it’s worth. You’re the one who got it from her in the first place, so you’re taking it.”

“Fine, I’ll take it. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” He gave a final vicious yank on the suitcase’s zipper, ignoring the cursing currently being sent his way. He straightened and held out his hand. Chuck came toward him, dressed in his normal clothing and appearing exactly as he had before the entire madness had started.

Except for one small detail – Greg was quite certain he hadn’t been walking with a slight limp the day before.

The same devious smirk that had been a near constant presence the night before returned. “Aren't you going to thank me?"

"For what?"

"It didn't look like you and Dean were just having a friendly chat in that storage closet last night. And if I'm not mistaken, earlier you said you'd know who to thank if you end up being dragged into a dark room and sodomized. So, where's my 'thank you'?"

Chuck’s face paled. He let out a near animal growl as he hurled the dress at Greg. Not bothering to dignify the other man with a response, he stalked/limped out.

"You're welcome!" Greg called after him.

He was never accepting a bet again. Ever.

-------------------------------

OMAKE:

Chuck gingerly sat in the chair next to Dean, ignoring the smug look Greg was sending him across the table. He made a mental note to impale the older man with his fork before the morning was over.

Rebecca glanced at the wall clock, mouth pursing in annoyance. “What’s taking Fereydoon and Lucille so long to get down here? They were the ones who told us breakfast was at 9:00, for crying out loud.”

At that moment, the couple in question strode into the room. Lucille greeted her guests with a bright smile, looking every inch the proud hostess. “Sorry to keep everyone waiting! Fereydoon and I had a few things to discuss before we ate.”

She moved to one end of the large table, taking her seat and signaling to the servants to begin bringing out the meal they had prepared. Fereydoon, normally right behind her, walked to his own seat at a slower pace. Raising his glass of orange juice to his lips, Chuck turned to look at the Veruni. Fereydoon looked a little…..off this morning. He always walked to the table ahead of Lucille, escorting her to her seat and even pulling out her chair for her. His shoulders, normally held straight, were slightly hunched as he made his way to his chair.

He was also walking with a limp that matched Chuck’s. The blonde spit out the mouthful of juice he’d just taken, soaking Rebecca in the seat next to him.

“Chuck!” Rebecca ripped her napkin from its holder and began beating the blonde with it. “What the hell are you doing?”

Dean squinted at him. “Are you all right, Chuck? You look a little pale.”

Chuck was too busy coughing and suffering napkin abuse from Rebecca to respond. To hell with maiming Greg, he was going to impale himself with his fork.

And then was taking a vacation. Preferably one that was very, very far from Twelbit.

--------------------------------

I apologize for whatever disturbing images the omake inspired. But it had to be written. I couldn't not write strap-on!Lucille. XD

Who would you do?

2008-05-06T00:16:14Z

Tagged by fufuberrysoda.

List 10 fictional characters you wouldn't kick out of bed (in no particular order) and tag five people to do the same.

1. Sanji (One Piece) - Have you seen the man's leg strength? :D
2. Lee Chaolan (Tekken) - They say things get better with age......
3. Chuck Preston - (Wild ARMs 5) - He would totally be my uke.
4. Ken Masters (Street Fighter) - Normally I don't go for long haired guys, but he's Ken. And nobody says no to Ken.
5. Roronoa Zoro (One Piece) - He may be crude and a bit clueless, but one look at him shirtless makes me forget all that.
6. Fereydoon (Wild ARMs 5) - He's Fereydoon. Enough said.
7. Clive Winslett (Wild ARMs 3) - I admit to having a weakness for cute nerds.
8. Jin Uzuki (Xenosaga) - One of my interests is "Jin Uzuki's thighs."
9. Atton Rand (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic) - *dreamy sigh*
10. Silk Fox - (Jade Empire) - The only female character to make the list; RAWR. ♥

I hereby tag nosferatu_blue, sapphire17, pic_murasaki, phspopular2002, and fuma_x_seishiro.

I am Iron Man

2008-05-04T05:30:39Z

OMFG IRON MAN. OMG. OMG. *flails*

You need to see this movie. There are literally no words to describe how awesome it is. I am perfectly willing to have Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark's love children.

Best. Superhero. Movie. Ever.

The Misadventures of Arnaud G. Vasquez, Animal Expert

2008-04-29T02:56:28Z

Title: The Misadventures of Arnaud G. Vasquez, Animal Expert; Today's Episode: The Jude Maverick Trouser Snake
Fandom: Wild ARMs 4
Pairing: Jude/Arnaud
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: WA and all its characters are the property of Media Vision.
Summary: PURE. FUCKING. CRACK. Join Arnaud, a restaurant owner turned not-so-famed animal expert as he tracks his most dangerous and elusive prey yet - the trouser snake.

This is for fufuberrysoda, and is the result of a conversation about Arnaud being a closeted gay man. I decided that since his restaurant is on the verge of closing, he'll have to move to Halim with his daughter and live in Jude's cabin. Except his daughter would stay with Yulie since Arnaud would be Jude's "assistant." Then we started making jokes about him becoming an assistant animal handler, and, being the perverts that we are, the term "trouser snake" was brought up.

I personally hate the term, but the glorious crack it inspired had to be written. The world cannot go without the WTFery that is Arnaud the Amazing Animal Expert. This was originally going to be a short drabble with random nature show comments thrown in, but somehow it became THIS. *dies*

We find our hero deep in the woods near the frontier village of Halim. He has visited this forbidding terrain countless times, but today he goes high into the mountains to track a very unique and elusive creature – the trouser snake.

The trouser snake is an eagerly sought after animal, one of the few creatures that can be found in all areas of Filgaia. The sheer amount of trouser snake species is too numerous to name; it is doubtful that animal experts will ever be to identify them all. The most famous is the Kresnik Ahtreide species. Regrettably, the Kresnik species is now extinct due to over hunting and mistreatment. The last surviving Kresnik was seen in the infamous Illsveil Prison.

Arnaud is no stranger to this particular animal, having handled a variety of species. Although he once tracked a Kresnik, he did not get an opportunity to handle it directly. He has often said that this is among his greatest regrets in his short yet eventful career.

Arnaud’s prey on this day is one he has encountered many times over the last several months, the elusive Jude Maverick trouser snake. You may remember the outcome of his last encounter with this animal, which ended in disaster. Our hero made the mistake of being too rough with his target, turning the normally gentle and friendly creature into a deadly enemy. Attempts to re-enter the animal’s habitat were met with resistance.

Today, though, Arnaud is confident that he will succeed in making contact with the creature. He has now reached its habitat, an area that he is quite familiar with. He has actually lived with the creature in the past in an attempt to earn its trust. Watch as he makes his latest attempt to enter…………

Arnaud eased open the door of the cabin, taking a cautious step inside. When he got no response, he breathed a silent sigh of relief. He entered the cabin’s main room fully, silently shutting the door behind him. A quick glance verified the fact that Jude was nowhere to be seen.

The trouser snake’s habitat appears to be empty. However, this is of no matter to Arnaud. He does what any good animal expert would do: he waits.

He flopped down on the sofa, planning his next move. In an uncharacteristic show of bitchiness, Jude had refused to see him lately. Just because Arnaud had accidentally bitten him the last time they’d been in bed together. Hard.

He winced as he remembered Jude’s shriek. Okay, so there had been a bruise. And he had broken the skin. And it was in a very sensitive, very embarrassing spot. But that did not give Jude the right to cut him off completely. Especially on their last night together before the younger man went deep into the mountains for one of his “care for rare and elusive animal trips that Arnaud can’t come on because he has zero forest ranger skills and was nearly attacked by a bear the last time he tried to help”.

Arnaud wasn’t a sex fiend; he’d gone without it before. But not for three bloody weeks. He was a grown man with needs, damnit. That was why he was going to bite the bullet and apologize to Jude the minute he got home. Never mind the fact that he still thought he hadn’t done anything wrong; Jude should be the one to apologize since he was overreacting. But when forced to choose between his sex life and his pride, Arnaud made the natural choice.

So. As soon as Jude came back, he would apologize. He’d admit he made a mistake, Jude would forgive him, and then he’d tackle him to the floor, tear off his clothes, and ravish him.

Arnaud shook his head. No, first they’d have a nice, long talk to make sure everything was all right between them. Then he’d tackle Jude to the floor, tear off his clothes, and ravish him.

Why did that scenario run through his head every time he thought about his apology? It was a sign; going without sex for too long was dangerous to a man’s health. Who knew, maybe Jude was having constant sexual fantasies about him. Hmmmm, maybe he should be waiting naked.

The serene quiet is suddenly interrupted by a sign of life from deeper in the snake’s habitat. The creature is here, in hiding! Our hero is taken by surprise, having let himself be lulled into false security by the silence.

The sound of whistling from deeper in the cabin made Arnaud jump and nearly topple off the sofa. It was only through sheer luck that he managed to bite back a scream of surprise. Which was a good thing; his screams had a distinctive girly sound to them. Hell, even Raquel had had a manlier scream than him.

But when running water reached his ears, he breathed a sigh of relief. Whew, if Jude was in the shower, he wouldn’t see his boyfriend having a mild panic attack in his living room. This was perfect; it would give him a few minutes to compose his thoughts while the younger man showered –

And he would be naked.

Arnaud gulped, all rational thought promptly leaving his head as he thought about what exactly his lover was doing. Mmmmm, Jude naked…….water running over his lean body, smooth skin being scrubbed clean, and he was probably using the shower gel Arnaud liked………

This was simply too much for the magic user’s sexually frustrated mind to take. To hell with waiting; he was going to give Jude a piece of mind right now. The sooner they got the talking over with, the sooner they could get to the make up sex.

Arnaud decides to go deeper into the creature’s habitat in hopes of making contact. He quietly moves toward his target, desperately trying to contain his excitement.

Aha! Look here – the creature has left its guard down. It takes no notice of Arnaud as he approaches. He now has it in his sight.

Jude had left the door partially open, obviously not realizing he wasn’t alone in his cabin. Arnaud pushed it open further, fully prepared to let him have it. The shower curtain hadn’t been pulled shut all the way, letting him catch a glimpse of Jude’s bare skin. His step faltered. Think nonsexy thoughts, Arnaud, think nonsexy thoughts. Keep your eyes up, focus on his upper body. His upper body……………

His mental pep talk would have been effective if Jude hadn’t chosen that exact moment to turn around.

At last we catch a glimpse of this elusive creature! Even in a relaxed state, the Jude Maverick trouser snake is truly an impressive specimen. Don’t let its calm manner fool you, this creature is capable of amazing strength and speed. Arnaud is entranced by this magnificent animal, as any lover of the species would be.

Whatever Arnaud had been planning to say died on his lips as his eyes landed directly on Jude’s cock. The sight of his lover naked didn’t normally render him silent and motionless, but then again he hadn’t usually gone three weeks without seeing said lover. Fortunately for him, Jude had his eyes closed as he massaged shampoo into his scalp. Arnaud only stared for a few seconds longer before he moved. Ducking back into the hallway, he all but tore off his shirt. Talking? What good would talking do? Jude would be much easier to convince if they were both naked. And besides, he had to be just as frustrated as Arnaud.

Yes. Naked was good. All the world’s problems could be solved naked.

The trouser snake is unaware of our hero’s presence as it goes about its bathing habits. This is a good thing for Arnaud, as it allows him to approach undetected.

Oh my! Look at this! The creature is emitting a mating call. This is amazing; the Jude Maverick is a species that rarely exhibits such behavior with an audience.

When Jude began whistling again, Arnaud lost his balance and fell against the wall as he desperately tried to remove his pants. It wasn’t that he found whistling particularly sexy, but it was Jude whistling. Naked Jude whistling. Naked Jude who he hadn’t been with for three weeks whistling. Asleivmeirueifjdeifjdkjfsdofujeofj

With a grunt of effort, he finally freed himself from the confines of the hateful pants. His boxers soon followed, and with a single purpose in mind he strode into Jude’s bathroom.

Arnaud is moving directly into the snake’s personal space; the last time he attempted this he was met with open hostility. This is a risky move, but our hero did not acquire his reputation without taking risks.

Jude’s eyes popped open in surprise as the shower curtain was all but ripped aside. He cursed as shampoo flowed directly onto his eyes, temporarily blinding him. Moving his face underneath the flow of water, he addressed his older lover.

“Arnaud? What the hell are you – mmph!”

The snake has spotted Arnaud! With no more use for stealth, our hero initiates direct contact.

Taking no notice of Jude’s surprised and blind state, Arnaud pressed him against the wall. He kissed him firmly, effectively cutting the redhead off in mid-sentence.

Success! The trouser snake has accepted Arnaud into its territory. Let’s watch as they interact.

----------------------------------------

Jude panted against Arnaud’s mouth as the older man’s hand moved up and down his cock in a steady rhythm. Although he hadn’t initially been pleased to have the brunette burst into his bathroom and molest him after indirectly blinding him with shampoo, he certainly wasn’t complaining now. As much as hated to admit it, he had missed Arnaud. And if the other’s behavior was any indication, he’d been missed in return.

Our hero and the snake are getting along wonderfully; the creature clearly welcomes him into its territory. Arnaud’s vast experience with the species is apparent here; he knows exactly what to do in order to get the creature to respond.

Arnaud nipped at side of Jude’s neck, wringing a strangled groan out of the younger man’s throat.

The snake appears tense in its excited state. You can see that when its emotions are running high, it expands itself to a significantly larger size. There is a strong possibility that it will release its spit. Fortunately for the viewer, Arnaud is an expert at getting the trouser snake to do just this.

Watch out, Arnaud! There it goes!

Jude cried out as his orgasm slammed into him, coming onto Arnaud’s hand. He flattened his hands against the shower wall to stay upright as Arnaud let go, running his hand under the water to clean it off.

Fortunately, the Jude’s spit is non-venomous.

“It’s been……way too long………”, he gasped, looking up at his lover.

Arnaud grinned as he pressed his body against Jude’s once more, rubbing his erect cock against the younger man’s hip.

“Tell me about it.” He moved in, intending to kiss the redhead. He wasn’t expecting Jude to grab his shoulders and abruptly reverse their positions, holding Arnaud in place. Jude looked up at him, his lips curling into a devious grin.

“It’s your turn.”

--------------------------------------

Arnaud is an exceptionally skilled animal expert. He has taken it upon himself to encourage the trouser snake into exhibiting a variety of behaviors for our cameras. Here, we see the snake engaged in the hunting and eating of prey. Let’s watch……

Arnaud writhed on Jude’s bed, struggling in vain to break free from the redhead’s firm grip on his thighs. “Jude, come on………”

Jude’s only response was to smirk at him. “Yeah, yeah, I will.” He seemed to be taking far too much pleasure in watching Arnaud squirm helplessly underneath him. His eyes held a predatory glint in them as he stared at his lover. It wasn’t often that Jude got that look in his eye, even though he was the dominant one in their relationship. He was usually a much more playful lover, but on the few instances where he wasn’t…………

Arnaud would likely be screaming loud enough to wake the dead.

The trouser snake has located its prey. The Jude stalks it calmly, confident that its target will not escape. Indeed, the prey Arnaud has provided seems to be literally frozen in its tracks. It is fully aware that it is being hunted, yet it is making no effort to break free.

“Damnit, Jude, hurry up,” Arnaud demanded, propping himself up on his elbows. His breath came in harsh gasps as he glared at Jude, who had positioned himself between Arnaud’s legs. However, Jude didn’t respond, merely staring at Arnaud’s cock as if he couldn’t decide what to do with it.

The magic user growled, reaching forward. “Fine, I’ll do it myse-“

Before he could finish his sentence, Jude finally moved forward.

The snake strikes! It pounces with no mercy and incredible speed. Its helpless prey has no opportunity to escape, and it is now fully at the creature’s mercy. A little known fact is that the two halves of a snake’s jaw are not fully attached, allowing it to open its mouth wide enough to swallow its prey whole.

“JUDE!”

Some snakes have a venomous bite, which they use to kill their prey before eating it. Other snakes kill their prey by constriction.

Jude wrapped his lips firmly around Arnaud’s cock, causing the older man to gasp and arch his back. “Oh……oh god, Jude………”

Still others swallow their prey whole and alive.

Deep throating Arnaud brought forth a string of incomprehensible syllables. Jude had to hold his lover’s hips to the bed in order to keep from choking. It wasn’t difficult to get Arnaud flustered, especially during sex. Which made Jude’s job as a lover incredibly easy.

Not that he was complaining, mind you.

The snake keeps its tongue constantly in motion.

“Ah…ah……fuck, right there………”

The bite of non-venomous snakes is usually harmless because their teeth are designed for grabbing and holding, rather than tearing or inflicting a deep puncture wound.

A light nip made Arnaud grip the sheets hard enough to turn his knuckles white. “J…Jude……almost……there……”

Unlike the gaits of limbed animals, which form a continuum, each mode of snake locomotion is discrete and distinct from the others, and transitions between modes are abrupt.

Jude pulled his mouth away, licking his lips. Arnaud lifted his head, breathing hard as he stared up at him. “Why did you stop?”

Jude grasped Arnaud’s thighs, moving his legs until they were on top of the redhead’s shoulders. He peered down at the magic user, taking a secret delight in his flushed skin. “I’m not done with you yet.”

It is not uncommon for the trouser snake to engage in burrowing. When it burrows, it buries itself in the nearest warm, dark area.

Arnaud didn’t think he could scream louder than he had after being unexpectedly deep throated. As he often did, though, Jude proved him wrong.

Again.

After eating, snakes become dormant while the process of digestion takes place. Digestion is an intense activity, especially after consumption of very large prey.

The room was quiet as its two occupants lay in a tangled pile of limbs on the large, comfortable bed. Arnaud lay on his back, a position he’d been occupying for quite a while. At this particular moment, however, all the tension was gone from his body. Jude was sprawled on top of him, having fallen into a light doze shortly after they’d finished.

Arnaud yawned, shifting slightly. Jude mumbled something in his sleep, but didn’t move from his relaxed position. He was probably going to end up drooling all over Arnaud’s chest before the night was over, but the magic user didn’t care in the least. If he had to choose between a drool-covered chest and cherished lover, or a drool-free chest and an empty, lonely bed, he’d choose the former every time.

With this thought in mind, he left himself drift into sleep.

And here is where we end today's episode. We hope you have enjoyed Arnaud's adventures while he has tracked the Jude Maverick trouser snake. All hostility between the creature and our hero appears to be gone, and the snake has accepted him into his habitat. The subject of our next episode is unknown, as Arnaud will be staying in the trouser snake's habitat in order to conduct an extensive and thorough study.

Until next time........

----------------------------------

Some of the nature show comments were taken from the Wikipedia article on snakes. I was reading it to get ideas for snake-related innuendos, but if you're reading it with a perverted mind it's actually full of unintentionally hilarious dialogue. My favorites that didn't make it into the story were:

-"Primitive groups among the modern snakes, pythons and boas, have vestigial hind limbs: tiny, clawed digits known as anal spurs which are used to grasp during mating."
-"Leptotyphlopidae and Typhlopidae are other examples where remnants of the pelvic girdle are still present, sometimes appearing as horny projections when visible."

I died laughing. XDDDDDDD

Just the Wine

2008-04-23T17:56:04Z

Title: Just the Wine
Fandom: Wild ARMs 5
Pairing: one-sided Dean/Chuck
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Wild ARMs belongs to Media Vision, not me. And that, my friends, is a tragedy.
Summary: Besides, Dean was one of his best friends. One of his best male friends. And Chuck certainly did not think that way about any of his male friends.

This is the first part of what will eventually be a longer fic. Due to college demands, I haven't had time to write more. I've made finishing it my summer project.

------------------------

The first time Chuck Preston felt attracted to Dean Stark, he told himself it had to be the wine talking.

Of course the presence of said wine was only proper, it being Chuck’s twenty-first birthday. On his way back to Capo Bronco to celebrate with his former traveling companions, he realized that he didn’t particularly care if he drank or not. After fighting homicidal golems, power-crazed Veruni, and various deadly monsters, the prospect of his first legal drink didn’t hold the same thrill as it once had. But when Dean insisted that it wouldn’t be a real birthday party if Chuck didn’t drink, he knew the night was going to end with him drunk off his ass. Dean was damned persistent, and there was no use refusing him once he got an idea in his head.

“It’s your twenty-first birthday; you have to drink!”

“It’s no big deal. To be honest, I don’t care if I have anything to drink or not.”

“It’ll be fun - I’ll even let you have some of the wine Old Man Tony gave me!”

“But Dean, you’ve been saving that for when you turn twenty-one. I wouldn’t feel right.”

“Well, the wine is pretty important to me – and that’s why I want you to have some of it. You’re my friend and I want to give you something special.”

How could he refuse after that? He hadn’t, and had proceeded to get good and drunk well before the party was over. He’d even persuaded Dean to try a glass of Johnny Appleseed with him, which the younger boy would have had if his mother hadn’t happened to overhear and insist that there was no way her precious Deanie was touching a drop of alcohol until he was twenty-one. To which Chuck replied that you only lived once and that if Dean was capable of saving the world, he was more than capable of having a glass of wine.

It would have been a more convincing argument if he hadn’t lost his balance and fallen over immediately after.

Dean was the first one to offer a hand to him, and as Chuck took it he realized just how blue Dean’s eyes were. They weren’t the same light blue as Avril’s eyes or his own; they were much darker, like a pair of sapphires. It wasn’t often that you saw blue eyes that dark, and Dean’s had a certain sparkle to them –

Chuck gave himself a mental shake, cutting himself off in mid-thought. Where the hell had that come from? Sapphires? Since when did he start thinking that anyone’s eyes looked like sapphires, much less Dean’s? Besides, Dean was one of his best friends. One of his best male friends. And Chuck certainly did not think that way about any of his male friends.

Well, except for that one time with Kent where they’d been so relieved to see each other alive and Chuck hadn’t completely gotten over losing Lucille and Kent had been right there –

Shut UP, brain.

Dean was looking at him curiously, unaware of his temporary insanity. Chuck blushed furiously and yanked his hand away. As he’d been in the middle of being helped to his feet, this movement sent him onto his back for the second time that night. One of his feet caught the back of Dean’s knee, knocking him off balance. Dean flailed his arms in an effort to stay upright, but ultimately landed right on top of Chuck.

His eyes really do look like sapphires.

Dean laughed and pushed himself to his feet. “I guess we better be more careful next year, huh?” he said, grinning at Chuck.

“Uh…..yeah.” Chuck managed to get to his feet by his own power, making sure to avoid meeting Dean’s eyes. It had been the wine. Just the wine. This wasn’t the first time he’d ever had wine, but it was the first time he’d actually been drunk. That had to be way he was having such uncharacteristic thoughts towards Dean. After all, he never thought about him like this when he was sober. In the morning he would be back to normal, and he wouldn’t think of Dean as anything but a friend.

With this reassurance, Chuck raised his head to smile back at Dean. His stomach flipped as Dean’s grin grew wider, but he paid it no mind.

Just the wine.

End of semester blues

2008-04-23T02:01:18Z

I know I say this every several months, but I can't wait for the semester to be over. I'm not having a breakdown like last semester, but this is the normal "end of the term and I no longer give a fuck" mood that everyone seems to be in. There's so much left to do and the urge I have to do it is nonexistant. (Nonexistent? My god, I've forgotten how to spell.)

Tomorrow I have to present my research project in Banned Books. It's going to be boring as hell since I did an annotated source list. I honestly don't know how the professor overlooked the fact that those doing source lists would have mind-numbingly dull presentations. Mine's crap, but she did give me an A. However, I don't know how I'm going to turn it into a 10 minute presentation. But at this particular prof has completely stopped caring, so I don't think she'll care how short mine is as long as I do something.

I got done with class early today and had a few hours to kill until American Lit at 4:00. I was in the mood for a beer and thought, "Hmmm, I've been home for a few hours. It's not 5:00 yet, but who cares. It's got to be at least 3:00 by now." After popping open the can, I glanced at the clock.

It wasn't even 1:30. FAIL.

On the plus side, I've gotten inspired to write more Wild ARMs fics. I haven't written anything for fun in so long, and I've missed it. It sucks when I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head, but for some reason I'm incapable of putting those ideas down on paper and keeping everyone IC. Gah.......

Letter to a friend

2008-04-14T15:55:22Z

I was so unproductive this weekend that it was scary. Knowing that I had the rough draft of my senior paper due today, what did I do? Watch truTV and play Star Ocean 3. I did finish the paper, but it's rather crappy. On the plus side, I have a prof who's going into phased retirement after this semester and doesn't really give a crap. My procrastination is rewarded!

Why is my flist posting so many fun memes lately? I CANNOT RESIST THEM. The following has been shamelessly stolen from sinestrated.

Dear nosferatu_blue,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over.
I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in your camping car and I saw you pull the clothes off my avocado plant.
I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks.
I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your neighbor Martin as a memory.
You should also know that I never openly mocked the incarnation of an Eskimo.
Go burn,

Erica

Dear (last person who commented on your journal),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.
I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.
I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.
I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.
___12___,

-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Other; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Scarred
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Mongolic
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Other; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
Italy - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

This has been a friendly message from your resident lunatic. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Photo Meme

2008-04-11T23:51:43Z

It is official - I, Erica, am EMPLOYED. Hellz yeah, bitches.

I found this meme that nyazers did, and I'm shamelessly stealing it. She included this pic with hers, and it is the new winner for the most fucked up picture I've ever seen.

O____O

Photo Meme
Rules:
1. Go to Photobucket
2. Type in the answer to each question in the search engine
3. Use any image you see on the 1st page
4. Put them in your meme survey

1. What is your first name?

Erica

This was the only pic that wasn't of a random person, therefore it wins. :D

2. What month were you born in?

September

I'm not really sure what this has to do with September.....

3. What car do you drive?

Chevrolet Blazer

4. Favourite hobby?

Reading

Sometimes college has frustrated me so much that I've had similar thoughts: "Fuck my degree, I'm taking off my clothes for money!"

5. Favourite TV show?

Hawaii Five-O

Danno and Steve = SO married

6. Favourite colour?

Blue

That is the creepiest freaking child ever.

7. Favourite celebrity crush?

Apolo Anton Ohno

*drools* Shirtless Apolo.......brain failing.........

8. Favourite place?

Home

TREE!

9. Favourite movie?

Clue

I love this movie so much - I practically have it memorized.

10. Favourite Disney princess?

Mulan

11. Favorite Disney prince?

Aladdin

12. Name of pets?

Blackie

13. Favourite vacation spot?

San Diego

14. Favourite song?

Aerosmith - "Dream On"

15. Favourite dessert?

French silk pie

Mmmmm......pie.

16. Favourite food?

French fries

So unhealthy, yet so delicious.

17. What are you afraid of?

Moths

I don't know why, but these scare the shit out of me. I'm paranoid that they'll fly into my ear and lay eggs in my brain. IT COULD HAPPEN.

18. Favourite time of day?

Evening

19. What do you love most about life?

The simple things
<
20. Favourite accessory?

Nose ring

I'm sorely tempted to come home with this to see how my parents react.

21. Favourite beverage?

Dr. Pepper

22. One word that describes you?

Sarcastic

Will drink beer for food

2008-04-08T01:10:28Z

Why will nobody hire me? Do I have an invisible sign that says "Do not give me a job under any circumstances"? When I went to Bath & Body Works last week, I was told that they were hiring for their semi-annual sale. So I filled out an application with confidence that I would be hired.

Two days after submitting my application: "Sorry, we're not hiring right now."

......Really. That's not what you told me three days ago, you bastards! DIE!!!!1!11eleventyone!11!!1!

The computer games based on Agatha Christie novels are surprisingly addicting. Evil under the Sun has officially stolen my life. I still laugh every time I get to the ending and Patrick Redfern's voice actor utters a particularly unenthusiastic "Oh, hell" as a bloody German missle heads right for him.

EDIT: Huzzah! The B&B employee I spoke to earlier set my application aside for the manager to take a look at, and now I have an interview on Thursday! ^____^

You suck, MSU. Seriously.

2008-03-31T17:38:57Z

This morning we were hit with arguably the most snow we've seen all month. The local public schools are closed. The schools in the area around the local public schools are closed. The tech school that only closes under threat of the apocalypse is closed. But is mine closed? No. No, it is not.

I hate you, Minnesota State University. I hate you so very goddamn much.

EDIT: I'm doing an annotated source list for my Banned Books class, due tomorrow. I need to have a one page abstract for each of my ten sources and two-three pages explaining why I chose the sources, who my target audience is, etc. How many sources do I have? Five. And zero introductory pages.

*seppuku*