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‘Dear Therapist’ as we near the end of our work together.
We’ve been talking about termination of treatment for a while; a few months, I think. We even had a plan. And that was helpful and necessary for me to feel safe in transitioning away from working with you. Especially because I’ve experienced abandonment with therapists in the past. I told you about that and I’m…
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All these breaths without fear
Edited to add: If you are healing from trauma of any sort, please be kind to yourself. Your process is going to be unique. Recovering from trauma takes time and effort and I don’t think there’s any way of knowing how much of either when you begin. Whatever modality you’re using to recover, remember that…
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Resourcing for living with trauma
I haven’t written in ages because I’m immersed in my healing process and can’t really find words for the work I’m doing. It’s moment to moment right now. Day by day. If I were the Handless Maiden, this would be the part of the story where I’m living in the cottage in the woods with…
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Remembering a friend who gave up
content warning: suicide, mental illness, and mention of incest, rape and domestic violence. Mental illness is a bitch and it takes a heavy toll on all it touches. Some of us don’t make it to that place where survival alchemically transforms into some level of thriving. A weird set of circumstances led me to do…
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Outer chaos = inner progress
I haven’t written in a while because the trauma recovery work I’ve been engaged in feels so all over the place. I’m finally accepting the fact that I’m barely functioning in the outside world. I can feed my kids and pay my rent but I’ve defaulted on two credit cards and my house is a…
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We’re all entitled to our healing work
I’m not going to write a full post today; my younger kids are with me this week and I try to spend as much time being present with them as possible. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember and accept that the massive amount of time I’m spending recovering from trauma is time I deserve…
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Somatic symptoms and trauma processing
CW: I am not going into great detail about my abuse but I will be writing about specific sexual, physical and emotional abuse situations. Please be kind to yourself and come back to this later if you’re feeling at all vulnerable right now. I never cease to be amazed at this process of integrating my…
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And conversation was had by all
Two weeks ago I woke up to a cacophony of angry and upset voices. All my alters were talking at once. It was a Monday morning and my boys had left the Friday before to spend the week with their dad. I usually take Saturdays as a rest day but I was so busy with…
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All the things undone and all that I am actually doing
I need to write but I also really, really, really want to sew today. So I’m going to keep this short. I’m behind in every aspect of my life. And, yes, I’m disabled AND still have active C-PTSD, but (AND) I feel like I should be able to get caught up and be on top…
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Switching, new memories and feeling rough around the edges
It’s been a hard week. I went looking for my diploma in the boxes where I keep stuff packed away. I didn’t consciously focus on anything as I dug through photos, old clothes and paperwork. I didn’t find my diploma. And then everything began to fall apart. It started with some massive dissociative episodes, then…
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Handless Maiden's Journey 