still here, almost got a computer

(Comment on this)

so i'm still alive and all that jazz. i'm updating from kinkos. it sux. oh well. hopefully i'll have a computer soon. i just saw "i heart huckabees". pretty good movie. i would so have more to say if it wasn't .20 a minute and crap.

(Comment on this)

it's been a while, i've been without a computer. but, i'm still alive, and better than ever . . . .


confused gods
inhabit sleepy bodies
trying to find with their senses
that which they cannot sense
intangibility and yet not be

Current Mood: cheerful

(Comment on this)

I had a dream last night . . .
And it fit me like a glove . . .

God, I had such a great dream last night, and it felt so real. I wish I could dream like that forever and never wake up. It was the sweetest thing. I feel so happy, as though it really happened. I guess I'm easy to please. :-)

Current Mood: giggly

(Comment on this)

i guess i'm not much of a writer anymore. shame. going through some stuff right now, but i guess i always am. but i'm coming to the end of something here, and there just isn't any point in trying to be poetic about it. i'm trying to be as logical as possible, but it's not exactly my forte. besides, when it comes to the important stuff, logic doesn't do crap. i'm just tired of being a spoiled, dramatic brat.

Current Mood: guilty

(Comment on this)

i've been working constantly lately, so i haven't had any time to write in here. maybe after the holidays

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

find your element
at mutedfaith.com.




who knew?

Current Mood: thoughtful

(Comment on this)

and you're my new dying father,
i clutch you as you fade away,
i trace shadows with torn finger-prints,
and contemplate dolphin families.

Current Mood: artistic

(3 Comments |Comment on this)

it's so silent within me, could it be . . . the haunting sound, that no longer is found deep in, was a warning, and now i am doomed? i feel so undone, and yet, i feel hardly at all. perhaps i no longer have use for pain. perhaps it is too late. pain is futile. i have assimilated. i wish i was dead, but i think i already am. i'm such a freak. maybe i should just try harder to take my medication.

Current Mood: melancholy

(2 Comments |Comment on this)

hmmm . . . .

You are every goth-kids dream!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I never really considered myself goth . . . .I dunno, I don't like to dress in a way that makes me noticeable, and I don't really listen to much goth music. I like dark poetry, and I tend to be morbid, tho. Whatever.

However, I do think the chick in the picture is hella sexy.

Current Mood: apathetic

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear ME

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

i want to be me. what an odd wish, but yes i want to drown. fuck everyone. i'll be so far away from the stars at the bottom of my ocean. except for the fallen ones. fuck it. who really cares anyway? blood . . . .

Current Mood: pissed off

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

I keep losing time. Time, time, time, time . . . the whole world is melting away, tiny bit by bit. I just want to wake up all over again. I dream of nightmares, and I'm scared of my dreams. I no longer know what to hope and what to fear. No matter what, I'm losing. I have to find myself without losing everyone else. Everything is fading. Nothing is waiting for me to catch up. I'm so weak. I'm so alone. My center is missing. Someone feel me! Make me last! I'm only here as long as you think I am. I only am what you think I am. I only exist as long as you sense me. I am not free to be unless you understand it. It counts for nothing unless there is no misunderstanding. I better behave. I better behave. I'm losing time. I'm losing everything. One day I'll have to lose everything I'm fighting for now. Why fight for it, when I'll inevitably lose it? I need to be. I need to make others feel it. But what difference will it make? Will it save them? What am I here for? What will I do? I wish my seer had told me everything. I will leave this now, and I will try to leave my personal storm as well.

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

mmmm . . . . .mmmmm
i feel fresh and cozy.
i love my lover.
he's so good and his soul was out tonite.
i met a beautiful cat today. she seemed to be just as taken with me. although she was much more wary. i love the way water dances in the light. i love swimming at night. i love beautiful cats lying in the grass.
dear santa, i want a fire truck, a dildo, and . . . . NO barbies. i like my women to be curvaceous, thank you very much. ciao. *purring*

Current Mood: content

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

look away, look away

(Comment on this)

rebirth
The Sirens are out tonight. I can feel the air of the entire world in each note. I crave the infinite sadness that each note presses on my soul. Music. I can hardly stand it right now. I am so dizzy, and sick, and sad. Everything. Forget everything. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.

Current Mood: sad

(Comment on this)

it's a very difficult thing -- learning to become myself, and at the same time give up all myself. how hard it is to love when so young. to become one with another while simultaneously simply becoming one. although i suppose age doesn't have much to do with it, other than the fact we've just started growing now that we're both really on our own and w/out family. i mean, becoming yourself is an ongoing task. everyday, every moment you must become yourself. and i suppose everyday, every moment you must marry your lover by becoming one once again by giving up a whole new different self. life is a beautiful continual struggle. i hope my love and i never lose what makes us us.

Current Mood: contemplative

(Comment on this)

a mother's love
Mom,
I'm not sure what to write, and to be honest I'm not sure that it matters. I doubt you'll ever understand, but atleast that can't affect me the way it did when I lived with you. You hurt me in a way that you can't see, and it hurts to be near you. I live my life in privacy, and you took that from me. You'll never understand what that means to me, but I hope you understand why I can't be near you, atleast for awhile. I've always guarded my self, holding onto the belief that I have a right to develop my own person without invasion of privacy or physical restraint. I'm sorry, but the way you violated me keeps me from being close to without pain. This is not what I want, but you are someone I can't deal with now. I miss you and I love you.
Until someday,
Your Daughter

Current Mood: sad

(Comment on this)

remembering april
warm arms holding my body tight against his chest, our legs intertwined, his smooth soft feet touching mine, the wind caressing our faces and playing with our hair, soft darkness surounds us, street lights' rays play around us as we sway in the breeze, thousands of dark leaves above us dance, i sigh, he kisses my forehead, it's perfect

Current Mood: peaceful

(Comment on this)

lonely in love
lonely in love. confused. lost and wondering. all because i'm selfish. all because i'm self. i want to fly away.

Current Mood: depressed

(Comment on this)