I didn't really fall

Omg

2023-08-26T02:53:34Z

I came here because I was trying to remember when I started reading Neil Gaiman books. Turns out it was 2007. Thankfully I kept track of the books I read back then. Even better, I read books back then.

It has been four years since I updated here. Since then poor Daisy and my darling Hugo have crossed the rainbow bridge. I work for one of the largest banks in the world in the travel department, And I have moved three times since the last update.

I feel like my mental health is slipping away. I am convinced I have ADHD but my therapist thinks it's all anxiety and depression.

Nothing else is noteworthy.

Okay, so updating isn't going so well...

2018-12-24T09:41:12Z

I stopped trying to keep this thing updated but I was stopping in to take a look at something in the old photo album and figured I might update anyway. I last updated here in June. Sadly, not a whole hell of a lot has changed in that time. I got ANOTHER new car because the one I got earlier in the year died shortly before I was due to make the last payment on it. So that was awesome. I did not make that last payment and they have not tried to get their money or the car back so it's just been sitting outside of my apartment since September. New car is a 2011 Ford Fusion and it's way nicer than the Focus was.
The only other thing of significance was, sadly, that my cat Greta died last month. My mom gave her to me as a graduation present and I went to college far away shortly there after so she bonded more with my mom than with me. She mostly tolerated my presence. But she's always been around since 2000, so it's sad that she's gone now. Sometimes my cat Hugo will be coming down stairs and depending on the light I think it's her before I remember that it can't be. They don't look a like, it's just that I'm used to seeing Greta come downstairs for a visit (she spent a lot of her time in my mom's room). She had been downstairs the night she died and not two hours later, my mom found her upstairs already gone. It was weird but I read online that it happens sometimes with older cats. She was with us 18 years and I hope that she had a happy life. You could never tell with Greta, she was a stuffy old broad.
Oh, I also got a kitten (she came into the picture before Greta died). A co-worker found some kittens in her yard (they had been dumped there) so I volunteered to take one. She's a tortoise-shell (mostly black, though) and I named her Jester. Mostly because I usually name my pets after characters from fandoms. Jester is Laura Bailey's D&D character on Critical Role. It turned out to be a pretty apt name for her as she definitely likes to get into things and make mischief. She also has been sleeping in my room and she loves me to death in here but the minute we go anywhere else in the house, it's like I'm dead to her. At least Raaya and Hugo still love me. And Darwin of course <3
It's nearly 2019. I've had this Livejournal since April 2001. I will try to update more often but no promises.

So I haven't posted in awhile....

2018-06-22T06:06:52Z

I stopped by LJ to look at something in older posts but I got distracted and don't really remember what that was anymore. Besides, it'll probably be in one of the posts from ye olden days that randomly don't exist anymore. Anyway, I guess I haven't updated here since last September? Nothing drastically terrible has happened since then. I got the job in Hilliard and still never have any money. Why? Because my mom got a job with fewer hours than her last job and is now making even less money and is somehow making herself more of a burden. I did get a car, briefly, and then it blew up while I was driving it home from work one night. I didn't even make it 45 days with that piece of crap so it was right back to riding the bus, although I did manage to get another car pretty quickly and I've been paying on that. I should have it paid off in September. It still needs to be checked out but so far it just seems to have a wheel alignment issue and considering all the sliding I did driving home in the rain tonight, I will be getting tires within the next month and will have them do an alignment then. Our AC went out on Saturday when it was about 100 degrees outside. One window on the first floor and two on the second were the only ones we could get open. It got so hot in here I had to take Darwin over to my brother's AC-cooled apartment for a few days so the poor little guy could breathe. Maintenance didn't come to look at the AC until Monday, told us we needed a new AC and a new furnace and that they'd let us know when they were coming to install it. So, they could technically hold off until it fucking snows in order to install it because unlike heating, they aren't REQUIRED to provide air conditioning which- frankly- is bullshit if it came with the fucking apartment to begin with. Especially if you're going to paint the fucking windows shut. We have a portable AC now so the downstairs is cool but my heart aches when I think of the electricity bill that thing is fucking racking up. I've taken up crocheting but it has been too hot to actually work on anything because all of my WIPs are blankets. I have been working on something at work but the yarn I'm using for it... I didn't realize how ugly it was until I had to look at it for an extended period of time. Yuck.
Oh, yeah, my brother apparently got married, like, last July or something and didn't tell me or my mother until they found out my sister-in-law was pregnant. So that was essentially what my brother got me for my last birthday. Their baby girl was born 6/14. They were more than a bit annoyed that their daughter shares 45's birthday so they took it out on her name? All total her name is 37 letters long (first, middles, and last). Luckily she probably won't go by her full name all the damn time.
Also I started watching Critical Role on Youtube. I had seen stuff about it a few years back when Jennifer Hale did an episode. I saw it and was like, well, that looks dumb and didn't pay much attention to it. Then I noticed Kerri liking things from voice actors I know from video games I've played and then DND stuff and I'm like 'what is this' and started watching their first campaign which I've abandoned in my feeble hope to catch up. I'm on episode 12 and episode 24 just aired tonight. SIGH. It should be mentioned that each episode runs a MINIMUM of 2.5 hours and I think the longest I've watched so far was very near 5 hours.

Updating

2017-09-17T14:07:06Z

Being without a car is immensely frustrating. I can't go anywhere unless my mom drives me or I take a bus. Regardless, I'm on someone else's schedule and I fucking hate it. I'd love to just walk out of work and drive home. Not walk out of work, walk 20 minutes to the closest bus stop, wait 10-15 minutes for the bus to show up, then have to transfer twice more in order to get home 2.5 hours after I got off work. It's a twenty minute drive. I like my job and with the hurricanes and flooding I've been getting a lot of extra hours, the last two weeks have been 40+ hours. But I can't get together enough money to put a down payment on a car. I've considered trying GoFundMe to try to just get enough to make a down payment but nothing let's you know how much people don't give a shit about your problems quite like a GoFundMe page. Unless you know a lot of people or have some kind of celebrity saying "hey, go give this person money" or it is brought to people's attention some other way, you are nobody and nobody gives a shit. So, yeah, it's embarrassing enough asking for help with money. It's even more embarrassing when nobody helps.

I went to an interview on Thursday with Sedgwick. They are a claims management company. It would be a full time job, higher pay than I'm getting now, and with a good company. If I get the job. They are hiring 110 people for a team with a new client and 40 people for existing teams for the people transferring over to the new team to help the newbies. I applied for a call center position but the woman who interviewed me also submitted me for another job that actually sounds better and I hope I get, but I've learned within the last two years that there's no fucking point in getting my hopes up. Moving to Columbus has destroyed a lot of things and I've had nothing but bad luck since moving here. And, honestly, I think a lot of that has to do with my mother. She's a weight around my neck, dragging me down. She got a new job that pays more, but it's still part time. Every opportunity she's had for a full time job she refuses to pursue and then bitches at me when I complain about having to put out all of MY money to cover for her. Guess what, I have a part time job too because my fucking employer lied about how quickly I'd be able to make full time. Now she's trying to wuss out of the new job before even starting it because she doesn't think she can do the work. That's why she lost a job that paid $15 per fucking hour, because she didn't put any effort into learning the job, she just gave up. The position I'm in right now, I have to work full time at a job that pays more than $11 an hour if I'm going to live by myself in Columbus. The one bedroom apartments in the complex I'm currently living in are $500+ a month and, honestly, I want to move closer to work and that's an even more expensive part of town (I currently work near Worthington and if I get the other job, it'll be Hilliard).

Most important to me right now is a car. I am not 6 years old, I don't like having people driving me around. I don't like having to sit around my apartment because I can't go anywhere. I fucking HATE the bus, especially with the changes they keep making to the scheduling and the routes, not to mention that they re-did their website so now you can't even get schedules or trip planning online because nothing is working right.

So, I guess I come here to complain but you know what, whatever.
In other news, I finally finished A Storm of Swords after over a year of reading it in random spurts of reading activity. I don't read like I used to. It comes from only getting 30 minutes for lunch at work. Enough time to go to the cafeteria, get food, eat it, and go back upstairs but since I've been having to wait around for a ride to get home, I guess that's where I got the time to finish the book up.

PS, this new post editor is a piece of garbage. I don't feel like I should have to scroll down all the time to see what I am typing. Why doesn't it actually scroll down while you work? This website is such shit. I really wish I didn't have 16 years of my life documented here.

stuff

2017-08-10T04:26:07Z

I wish I had posted something here in the meantime since my last post. Coming here and facing a barrage of Pippin pictures is rough. Everyone still misses him, obviously. Darwin seems to be stepping up into his barky shoes because he barks at almost EVERYTHING now. He was never much of a barker before, unless he had been following Pippin's lead. He's been acting out, but from what I've read that's normal. He freaks out if we put Daisy in her crate without letting him see her first. I think this is because the last time he saw Pippin was at bedtime the night before he died. Everything I read said that we should've let them see his body after he died but honestly I couldn't do it, I wasn't going to take them to him. So I've been sure to give them extra attention and play with him more. I've never lost a pet like this before. My grandparents had a habit of getting rid of dogs (giving them to family members) and the only one we kept his entire life during my lifetime was Gizmo, a Pekingese we had for about 10 years who ended up having to get euthanized because he fell down the stairs to our basement and broke his back (he was old and had no business being on those damn stairs). But this is the first time I've ever had to deal with something like this. It just makes me scared about losing Darwin. I loved Pippin, but he was never really my dog. Darwin is mine. He turned six this year.

Anyway, in other news, I've fallen in love with the manga/anime Gravitation again. I hadn't read it or watched it in YEARS. So glad I kept the manga. One thing that may or may not be known about me because most people who read this thing didn't really know me back when I FIRST got LG back in '01... I was big into anime and manga. And I am a fan of BL manga and it's older cousin yaoi. Yeah, guy guy stuff, folks. And Gravitation is definitely that. But it's also hilarious and just completely insane. The anime is kinda "eh" and doesn't have a very satisfying ending, even with the OAV. The manga doesn't really either, but it has some closure for some characters. And then there's the Remixes and the Megamixes both of which are doujinshi done by the actual mangaka of the original series that are, shall we say, just porn without plot. At least the Remixes are. I've read a few of the Megamixes (if one truly reads a Megamix DJ... There's not a lot of conversation) and, yeah, not much plot. Anyway, the anime has my favorite Japanese voice actor (Inoue Kazuhiko) in it, which is entirely the reason I watched the series in the first place and pretty much fell in love with it. Also the cast in the anime is very good. Seki Tomokazu, Orikasa Ai, dude who did Shigure's voice in Furuba, Yamaguchi Kappei. But, yeah, Gravitation. Not for the faint of heart. The manga series goes from a two-man band with the lead singer falling for a broody writer (not very original) to tons of drama about their relationship to just batshit crazy stuff like a manager who literally shoots everyone (with "safe" bullets) to a teenage label executive who flies around in a mech panda. I've noticed some people complaining about how crazy the plot gets and that Murakami completely lost any semblance of plot in the later volumes, but she definitely didn't. And it's funny. Stupid? Yes. But funny.

Anyway, enough of that. Maybe I'll post on here more. More interesting things since I've actually been trying to watch more anime lately (I had Crunchyroll for, like, a week and watched Yuri on Ice which was okay and some other BL stuff which just bored me to death with it's tropes). Anyway, I'm not going to promise more posts because that never works. We'll see what happens!

Pippin 2007-2017

2017-07-12T06:09:22Z

This morning, 7/11/17, my pup Pippin died. He'd been with us since he was 3 months old. We got him in August of 2007. These are all pretty old pictures of him. As he got older, he was diagnosed with epilepsy and it made him grumpy and he didn't like his picture taken as much. We used to joke that he thought we were trying to steal his soul because he would run away whenever he saw a camera or a phone pointed at him. It's been a rough day. Not being greeted by his angry barks changing to happy yaps when he thought a stranger was coming in but then he realized it was one of his people coming home has been the hardest thing. He didn't like people who weren't in his family. The only people he ever really tolerated in his presence were me, my brother, and my mom. Now it's just Darwin and Daisy sitting quietly by the door. My mom said he laid down beside her, made a noise, and she looked over and he wasn't breathing. She's convinced that because she had him climb the steps last night (because she usually had him sleep in the room with her and he wouldn't let us pick him up) that it accelerated whatever had been making him sick and ultimately killed him. Honestly I think if we hadn't gotten him upstairs last night, he would've died alone in his crate, which he hated. I'm glad that he got to be next to the person he loved most - my mom. He no longer has to suffer his increasingly worse seizures or his chronic back pain, so for that I'm glad he's at peace. I'll miss the grumpy little bastard, this place doesn't feel right without him.

Okay then...

2017-05-09T14:27:21Z

So apparently I haven't updated here since January. I like to think I was doing so well before, but honestly I wasn't I guess. Let's see, what's happened since January...?

In February I was admitted to the hospital because my gall bladder was a jerk. I was there for five days before they finally took the thing out (I was admitted over the weekend plus other things) and then I was there another five days before they finally let me leave. I was ready to just get up and leave at one point but one of the awesome doctors tried to threaten me saying that if I left it would be against medical orders and insurance wouldn't cover anything. Twenty minutes later she was back singing a different tune because, gasp, she was WRONG. Also a bitch. I was not a fan of hers at all. Thankfully she isn't my actual doctor so I never have to see her face again.

So I was out of work for all of March. Out of classes too. Mostly because they put a PICC line in my arm because they found a bone infection in my foot and had me on IV antibiotics for over a month. That was SO MUCH FUN. Especially since when they first gave them to me it took nearly 4 hours each dose so a total of nearly 8 hours a day which is why I couldn't go to work or classes. They let me back to work on April 3rd and took out the PICC line on the 13th, right after they delivered a ton of medicine that I'm basically paying for but can't do anything with. I'm on oral medication right now and I have some more doctor appointments in a few weeks.

Let's see, my grandmother died in April as well. The 7th. That hasn't been fun at all. Honestly it hasn't really had the effect on me that I expected. Maybe because she had been in a nursing home for years and I haven't seen her since my grandfather's funeral three years ago. I know that sounds harsh but she had Alzheimers and barely knew who my mom was, she wouldn't have known me and I've seen what that disease does to people. I used to visit a nursing home when I was in high school and my grandmother's sister-in-law who she took care of after her brother died had dementia. I didn't need to remember her that way. I already had a pretty terrible experience of the last time I saw my grandfather alive, I didn't need the same with her. So, that was a whole thing. My mom seems to be taking this better than my grandfather's death but, honestly, she went much more peacefully. My grandfather had a pacemaker with a defibrillator that kept trying to keep his heart going before they finally turned that off so we could hear him screaming from his room every time that happened. Hence the experience I mentioned previously.

So, it's May now. I have a new job so I am no longer with the auto insurance company but I kind of hate the new gig and it won't work at all if I can go back to classes in the Fall. Right now that's up in the air because I had to petition for withdrawal because of the hospital stay and recovery period and I missed the withdrawal deadline so it's going to fuck up my financial aid (not that I really have any left, it's all scholarships and grants but if I don't get that petition fulfilled, it's going to tank my grades and I'll be fucked over big time).

I can't really think of anything else right now. I actually stayed home from work today because there has been something terrible going on with my back for the last few weeks and it's been worse within the last week or so. I don't think it's actually my back. I'm pretty sure it's something internal based on where the pain is and how it's progressed but I can't get a doctor's appt so it might have to wait a few weeks unless it gets worse and I have to go to the ER again. Let's hope not, I've had my fill of hospitals for forever.

This is a thing, apparently.

2017-05-09T14:11:57Z

#mylivejournal #lj18 #happybirthday

first post of 2017

2017-01-18T07:49:24Z

I think it's been a very long time since I wrote anything in here. I just haven't really felt like sharing much of anything. The election was a disaster and school has been keeping me busy. Plus work. I've been working harder at finding a new job than anything. I swear to god working with auto insurance is seriously the worst job ever and I worked for Time Warner Cable and everybody HATES TWC but apparently not as much as their auto insurance provider. It hurts my head when I have to explain to people how insurance works when they don't understand why other people's actions affect their rates. Wtf do you think insurance does? Anyway, I'm not getting into it. I'm done with that place for the night.

Technically, I should be asleep. I have class tomorrow but I think I'm going to skip it. It's never good to skip a language class but honestly it is more exhausting trying to wrangle a ride to campus in the morning than having to be conscious for literally the entire day. Class days I'm awake from 630am until usually about 1-130am because I can't get my job to give me an earlier shift. Speaking of jobs, I was offered an interview for a job that pays $14.77 hourly and closes at 10 and is a mere 10 minute drive from campus. AKA: PERFECT. Unfortunately they have a four week training program that is only 8am-430pm so that bites. I had to turn them down much like I had to turn down another insurance company where I'd be doing the same terrible job but I would be getting $3.50 more an hour to do it but no. Everyone hires for evening shifts but trains during the damn day.

I got a new-to-me car. I haven't explained the need for a car or why I have been queen of public transit for the last three months and I won't unless specifically asked because it stokes rage in my heart and I don't have the energy for it. But, anyway, I bought a $600 car which has been kept it pretty damn good condition (except an issue with the bumper that I'm going to be looking into getting fixed). It's a Toyota so hopefully it hangs in there. The major problem is that it is a manual transmission and I've never driven a stick shift ever so this should be interesting... Once I figure out how to get it up here. It's in Springfield right now.

What else? There's a library fellowship I want to try to get but I probably won't do anything for it. I don't know how I'd do ten weeks in the middle of summer. I'd have to quit my job and focus on the work for the fellowship for ten weeks, assuming I'd even get it. The award is $3500 for the ten weeks, so I'd be able to pay rent and anything else. I really wish I could work part time but apparently my mom gets that luxury and I don't. I have to go to class and then work while she works 5 hours a day at a terrible paying job and gets to complain about how tired she is. Sigh. I miss living on my own SO MUCH.

more survey

2016-11-02T18:47:07Z

301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die.
- See a show on Broadway, preferrably Hamilton.
- Graduation from college.
- Buy a new car.
- Be financially secure.
- Maybe have a kid someday.

302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year?
Uhh, well, they are all pretty much long term goals. I guess I will be working on graduation though it won't actually happen until Spring of 2018 (thanks to missing last semester *shakes fist*)

303. What do you feel controlled by?
Money. Literally money.

304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him?
No, for a variety of different reasons.

305. What is one thing you are sure of?
We all die someday. <-- True.

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert?
Whenever I'm not sleepy.

307. Have you ever played in a band?
I was in bank in elementary school. I played trumpet. I hated it. I wanted to play the violin in the orchestra but they didn't offer it the year I was finally old enough.

308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking 'early creatures crawled outta that'?
No, I haven't. Because technically they didn't. The ocean and the planet in general is now much different than it was then.

309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean?
Not much of anything. Isn't that the point?

310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games?
I don't like to play chess. I taught myself on the computer back in the day but I'm not very good at it and I just don't enjoy playing it. But I do Sudoku and crossword puzzles sometimes so I guess?

311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you?
Nope.

312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you?
Not really.

313. If you didn't know that people couldn't fly would you think that you could?
Why would I? I wouldn't have seen people flying, they'd all be walking. There's no reason to think they could fly and then chose not to do so.

314. Are you someone that others call when they're having a problem and want to talk about it?
No. In fact, I'm usually the last to know which feels super awesome.

315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author?
It depends on the writing. Some I enjoy at face value, others I can put into historical context.

316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts?
I've done that with lots of things. Not too often though.

317. What are your feelings about the death penalty?
I feel that killing someone isn't a form of punishment. It is government sanctioned murder, especially considering that a lot of death row inmates have been on death row for YEARS if not at least a decade and they have been given time to change themselves. Does that mean they should be free? Absolutely not, but I don't believe that killing someone is a punishment. It just brings down those doing the killing to the level of criminals.

318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be?
Why do bad things happen to good people, like, all of the time?

319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets?
Yeah, sure. Our technology just isn't there yet.

320. What is something worth suffering for?
Most things.

321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it?
I am actually good with the two eyes that I have.

322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature?
I have no idea what this means.

323. Would you rather live simply or extravagantly?
Simply, but I'd like to be financially secure about it.

324. Have you ever been camping?
Numerous times but it's been YEARS.

325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new?
Not usually.

326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are?
I suck at conversation and I've discovered that people just generally don't want to talk to me anyway.

327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you?
I'm not overly fond of strangers.

328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do?
Money, mostly. <--Yes

329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all?
Outgoing, cheerful, perky

330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email?
I have not heard of this person, but I'm pretty sure there is something more technical regarding the act of spamming emails, I think it has something to do with bandwidth or something. So it wasn't just the matter of emailing someone junk email.s

331. Do you know who the current premier of China is?
Nope.

332. Are you very active?
Lately I've been doing a lot of walking... because I don't currently have my car.

333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain?
What?

334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back?
Probably?

335. Is it really being 'in love with' someone if the other person doesn't love you?
Why wouldn't it be? Whether someone loves you back doesn't generally change the way you feel.

336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time?
I don't believe in soulmates if that's what you're asking.

337. Do you know secret things?
Yep.

338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have?
I've fallen for people that I shouldn't have, but I was never IN LOVE with them.

339. How do you overcome your fears?
Mental fortitude. I usually just go to a zen place.

340. What can you do better than anyone you know?
Drive.

341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence?
Maybe? But it just isn't me.

342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger?
Larger.

343. Have you ever fired a gun?
Yes.

344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other?
In some ways. There are places where people are coming together in bigger numbers than ever before, but there are always people who find it easier to be afraid.

345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)?
Why does having freedom take away my safety? I have to live in a police state to be safe? That makes no sense at all.

346. Does safety stifle you?
No.

347. Who or what needs to be stopped?
Donald Trump. <--YES.

348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated?
People became domesticated about 10,000 years ago. You can't really get MORE domesticated.

349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family?
No.

350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II affect you?
It didn't.

351. Have you ever lost something and never found it?
Many times.

352. Do you listen to any talk radio shows?
I listen to NPR all the time in my car, although sometimes I do listen to music from my iPhone but I generally don't listen to the radio for music. I don't like most stuff that makes it to radio stations.

353. Who do you trust more, your friends or your parents?
Hmm. Maybe both? Depending on the situation.

354. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion?
Probably.

355. Which of the 7 deadly sins is the worst (gluttony, greed, pride, lust, envy, wrath, sloth)?
Greed.

356. Which one are you most guilty of?
Sloth

357. Are you afraid to be alone with yourself? Do you try to avoid thinking?
No. In fact I miss living on my own and I WISH I could avoid thinking sometimes.

358. Would you venture to tell someone you loved him or her if they didn't say it first?
It really would depend on the situation.

359. What are you the most sensitive about?
Weirdly my weight. I've been fat my whole life and sometimes (not often) I can joke about it, but generally if it gets brought up in my presence I get really upset. I always hated it when my skinny little friends would bitch about being fat. Bitch, shut the fuck up.

360. What can you talk about for hours?
Almost anything I'm really interested in.

361. Do you talk about yourself, other people, or ideas the most?
Ideas. Sometimes other people as I'm usually listening.

362. Do you believe that spell casting can work?
Probably not, but I think that it can help the person doing the casting maybe focus more on the intent of the spell.

363. Are you a fan of The Legend of Zelda games?
Yes. I've played most of them. I am debating spending money on a Nintendo console to get the next one due out.

364. What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters?
Hmm. Star Wars.

365. Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them?
Probably any of them? Although I did meet my favorite band in the world and managed to speak words to them.

366. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note?
Hahahahaha, yes.

367. Do you think it's cheesy to paste things you didn't write into your diary?
No. Obviously they mean something to you.

368. What are three things that you try not to think about?
Dying, money, and mostly money.

369. Is casual sex acceptable for you?
I don't know, really.

370. What form of sexual protection do you use?
Hahahaha

371. What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right?
There are so many things.

372. Do you sometimes place your own expectations on other people?
Yes.

373. Do you sometimes act overeager to make friends when you are around strangers?
I don't act it, but I'd really like to have friends.

374. Do you take everything that is said literally?
No.

375. Do you take most things others say seriously?
It really depends on how familiar I am with the person and whether I know not to take everything seriously.

376. Do you have a quick wit?
Sometimes.

377. Do you believe in the need for political correctness?
Yes. I don't believe that people should feel entitled to stomp around like a jackass because they think they're right about everything and nobody else matters.

378. Do you have strong opinions and beliefs?
Yes.

379. If yes, can you still hang out with and be friends with people who disagree with you?
Yes? But certain things are never brought up. And, honestly, I do sometimes lose respect for people based on their beliefs. I'm not gonna lie.

380. Are you uptight?
I think it can appear that way to people.

381. Do you sometimes do risky things?
Nah.

382. Could just about anyone hold your interest in a conversation for at least ten minutes?
No, sorry.

383. Are you self-conscious?
Too much so, probably.

384. What would be your ideal destination for a Saturday afternoon?
Typically Saturday is my do-nothing day as it's the only day of the week I don't have work or classes.

385. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing something embarrassing?
Somewhere there exists a vhs tape of a play I was part of when I was in 4th grade.

386. What is Kevin Smith’s best movie?
I don't think I've ever seen one of this movies.

387. Where do you like to go on Friday or Saturday nights?
Home.

388. Do you like your friends to act the same way all the time or do you accept their moods and changes?
I don't expect anybody to be the same all of the time. That's kind of boring.

389. Do you often feel like other people are judging you?
Yes because they usually are.

390. What do you think other people judge you to be like?
I'm pretty sure most people think I'm mean and unfriendly.

391. Are you quick to judge others?
Yes, and I've been proven wrong quite a few times.

392. When you have a fight with someone do you want to talk about it right away or calm down first and then talk?
Oh, I usually don't talk to them for a VERY long time and I typically wait for them to break the silence.

393. Some say love is a river (according to the old song). What do you say love is?
Life.

394. What is the worst fault a person can have?
Lack of empathy, maybe? I dunno.

395. Do you have it?
Sometimes? Sometimes I just don't care but not often.

396. Which do you think has more impact on a person’s character, genetics or environment?
Both.

397. Who was your first best friend?
Her name was Jennifer. We lived in the same apartment complex out in California.

398. If you are not best friends anymore, what came between you?
Geography. We moved when I was in first grade and I think I saw her one more time after the move?

399. Who have you read a biography about?
Mary Queen of Scots, Thomas Jefferson, Sofonisba Anguissola, Abraham Lincoln, and Cleopatra. Biographies aren't really my thing.

400. What would your own autobiography be called?
You Don't Want to Read This. Use a little reverse psychology on them, then when they're disappointed with how boring it is, you can't say I didn't warn 'em.

Remember that survey I took from Amy?

2016-09-27T02:53:38Z

201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1) to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice: caterpillar, house dog, wild dog, vulture, male human, female human, oak tree, rock, manta ray, dolphin.

1. Rock
2. Vulture (ew)
3. Catepillar
4. Wild dog
5. Manta ray
6. House dog
7. Male human
8. Dolphin
9. Oak tree
10. Female human

202. What do you feel unworthy of?
Everything at some point or another.

203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?
Doing something for humanity. I already am a nice person, people might remember me for it. But how many people because most don't even bother to get to know me.

204. Which do you value more: science or intuition?
I have never been in a situation where those two things have been in conflict. I've never disagreed with science about something.

205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first?
Neither, I don't like going to hospitals. Although I guess probably the friend. You visit them first and spend the rest of the time with the significant other. If they existed.

206. Does the universe revolve around human beings?
Absolutely not and people thinking that it does just keeps causing problems for everybody.

207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were?

208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now?
I am not familiar with the living poets of our day.

209. What is your favorite song from the 90's?
I have no idea. My musical tastes underwent drastic changes in the 90s.

210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be?
M because it would be confusing.

211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.?
Believing in one of these things is not a blanket belief in all of these things. I believe in the possibility of some of these. Except ghosts. I believe them.

212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend?
I think we'd get along well or would have things to talk about or have similar interests.

213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun?
No, because I think people who do that are terrible people. People get bullied and have their lives made difficult enough offline, doing it online is just cowardly.

214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth?
I haven't even heard of it.

215. What is your favorite line from a movie?
"If only we had a wheelbarrow, that would be something." If only because I've actually had an occasion to use it in real life.

216. What's your favorite video game?
MASS EFFECT. All three of them. That's right, even the third one. Also The Sims and Portal 2.

217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours?
Yes.

218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you?
On fleek is pretty damn stupid.

219. You allow strangers to read your diary, but would you let your parents read it?
No. My LJ is pretty public nowadays but I barely use it for more than checking in or venting anymore. Anything too personal still gets friends locked.

220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower?
Shower. Human soup does not appeal to me.

221. Are you allergic to anything?
My mom is pretty convinced that I'm allergic to codeine, but I really don't think I am because I've taken medicine with codeine diritives before and was fine.

222. What is your favorite Terminator movie?
The second one.

223. What is your favorite fast food?
Panda Express just because rice is seriously my favorite food and I would rather have that than fries.

224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?
Act like a lunatic, send their ill-informed friends after me, and then act like they're a wounded puppy that I've ill-used. And just generally be a liar and a terrible friend.

225. Would you (or have) you ever whipped someone or been whipped by someone in bed?
Nope.

226. Have you ever said 'I hate everyone' and really meant it literally?
It is entirely possible. I say it a lot.

227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend?
Financial security, greed, wanting to have the means to provide financial security for others, for charitable purposes, mental illness, who knows.

228. Have you ever won a carnival fish?
I have! The little guy died the next day.

229. Did it live more than a week?
Again, died the next day. But resulted in me getting my hamster Peanut who was an awesome little guy.

230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have?
Scottish

231. What's the most boring thing you've ever read?
Wuthering Heights. And I had this Latin American history book that was a pretty terrible read too.

232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens?
Buttons.

233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series?
No. I mean, Tolkein kind of set a standard for fantasy that hundreds of authors have been building on top of, rearranging, whatever for years so I think there are bound to be similarities, but nothing blatant.

234. Would you consider yourself to be naive?
I can be about some things, I guess.

235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?
HOLLY. If she isn't already.

236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it?
A roll of hundreds.

237. Would you ever wear real fur?
Absolutely not.

238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks?
Judging by Amy's comments these are movies...?

239. What are your feelings about police officers?
I feel like there are some that let the power they hold go to their heads and I think the ones that do reflect very, very poorly on the ones that don't and outnumber the ones that do. Recently choices being made by officers are being called into question more and more and maybe this should have happened a long time ago. These newer cops learned these things from older ones.

240. What is your favorite line from a song?
I can't even thing of my favorite song, much less my favorite line from a song.

241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money?
No.

242. Do you like the band Front 242?
I don't know who they are but I'm just gonna say no.

243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction?
Honestly at this point, money.

244. What's your middle name?
Nicole.

245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?
Something that isn't all that crazy.

246. Are you good, evil, or neutral?
Probably good-leaning neutral.

247. Should ebonics be considered a language?
I'd say it's more of a dialect.

248. What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be?
I think it's white-ish? I honestly just sleep in there so I don't give a damn about wall color.

249. When are you planning to move to a new home?
Not for awhile. I like my apt now (with the exception of the bitches next door) and I still have at least another three semesters (thanks language requirement) until graduation.

250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be?
Probably quite a bit. I'm at work in a room full of computers and phone systems as well as a couple of tvs, copiers, etc.

251. Do you blow your nose in public?
Yes, if need be.

252. Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps?
Not especially, although it looks like it's going to end up that way anyway.

253. What is the coolest website you know of?
I dunno, Facebook? Buzzfeed? My internet browsing isn't what it used to be.

254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie?
I want a live-action Darkwing Duck. That would be horrifying. Or really, really cute.

255. Of the following, which word best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful?
... Generous, I guess? I mean, when I can be.

256. Can you eat with chopsticks?
Yes.

257. Could you tell real money from counterfeit?
Maybe?

258. What do you think about school uniforms?
I honestly don't care. I think it would solve a lot of problems for girls who keep getting singled out for dressing "inappropriately" according to administrators. Then again, it probably wouldn't.

259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?
Considering my focus of study, the ancient Greeks.

260. What would make a great new Crayola color?
They have pretty much everything covered. Although Sally Hansen had this nail polish out a few years ago called "Delphinium" which is this gorgeous dusty purple color.

261. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art?
Nope.

262. If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration?
I have no idea. I don't really like any American singers and it would probably be a problem to invite someone from Canada or the UK to sing...

263. Who is the greatest philosopher of your country?
Uh, Thomas Paine? I dunno.

264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
To everybody else.

265. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?
No.

266. Who knows more: you or your parents?
Depends on the subject but usually me.

267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?
Piano but I suck at it so that probably won't be a thing.

268. Children fill their lungs completely with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change?
Because there's more to fuel with an adult body, nobody has time to breath in and breath out so completely.

269. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?
Money first.

270. Are you completely in control of your body? Are you completely in control of your mind?
No. If I was I would probably be better at everything.

271. Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittering bouquet OR flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway?
Either one as long as they were actually flowers and not flowering weeds.

272. Do you know yourself well enough to understand why you feel the way you do?
Yep, unfortunately.

273. Which do you do more often: let movies, songs, and books put your feelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself?
A bit of both, I guess. It really depends.

274. Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product?
Eh, not really. They're getting a paycheck. I could tell you that something is awesome and be believable if someone paid me enough.

275. What kind of movies do you wish were made more often?
I like character studies. I'm perfectly happy with movies that don't have a lot of action if there is a lot of development for characters.

276. Does fashion matter to you?
Fashion matters in the sense that I have to wear clothes.

277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else?
Honestly I think that they should be held to a higher standard.

278. What do you get in trouble for the most?
Money.

279. Should parents spank their kids?
As long as it doesn't cross the line into beating or abuse. I was spanked as a child and I managed to live through it. It isn't ideal.

280. What is your worst daily habit?
Eating.

281. If you had your choice which one TV show would you have cancelled?
THE BIG BANG THEORY. I HATE IT AND MY MOM MAKES ME WATCH IT. :'(

282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt?
I actually really hate salty things. I'm the girl who usually brushes salt off of pretzels.

283. Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
Not all of the time when I should be.

284. What do you feel the most guilty about?
I'm too stressed out to feel guilty about things.

285. Do you meditate?
I don't have the time.

286. Can dreams be visions or do you feel they are always random images?
I don't know that they're random because typically when I can remember my dreams they involve people, books, tv shows, things that I've been watching/reading/dealing with.

287. Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way?
No, I have this thing where I always end up being wordier than I need to be. I blame fluffing college papers.

288. The thief _______ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill in the blank with?
Thinks.

289. What's the most incredible experience you ever had?
Going to Japan was a very big deal for me.

290. Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel?
Sometimes if I am feeling especially strongly about something.

291. Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it?
Depends.

292. What is one thing you can't do?
Drive a manual.

293. Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston?
No.

294. Are you gentle?
Not especially.

295. When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
When I'm upset.

296. Are you trying to find yourself?
Yes.

297. Where are you looking?
Work and school, mostly. I have no friends here. I have no other aspects to my life.

298. Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings?
No. I usually say what I need to say and have to do damage control after.

299. What would make you a stronger person?
Being more stable.

300. What book would you like to read sometime soon?
My textbooks so I can feel better about my classes.

ho hum

2016-09-12T02:40:17Z

I had a job interview on Friday with Bark & Co. (the Barkbox people) I pretty much fell in love with the place when I stepped off the elevator (after roasting in a room with zero ventilation as people tried to figure out how to remotely open the door...someone ended up coming down to get me). They work in a loft over Martini's in the Short North and are right next to the North Market. You walk into a kitchenette area that they keep stocked with complementary drinks (I just had water cos no fizzy stuff for me and my defective gall bladder) and another large room which is where the "call center" is located. It's really just a room with a couple of tables and couches where people work and there are dogs running around everywhere. I thought there might be a dog or two but there were at least a dozen, a few came over and we chilled for a little bit. There was an adorable boston terrier that kept trying to take the elevator downstairs when I was leaving. I want this job if for nothing else than to give Darwin some friends to play with because taking Darwin to work with me would seriously be the best thing ever. Thing is though, I don't know about the interview. It was a "group interview" if one other person can be considered a group. I wanted to show them that I could do the job, because I can, but I'm not sure that I conveyed my love of dogs enough because it's kind of hard to compete with some crazy person literary CRYING as she stepped off the elevator. I'm really hoping that she seemed unprofessional enough to NOT hire, because I was definitely trying to make her seem that way but the whole "we're so casual" thing might count against that. Plus I don't know if anyone there was over the age of 25. :\
I REALLY WANT THIS JOB THOUGH. I don't even care that it's $0.50 less an hour. My mom should actually be employed come this Friday so I won't have to be the only income anymore. Plus I'd really like to talk them into at least matching my current rate if they offer me a position. I didn't really get a chance to negotiate with someone else there in the interview. I'm worried about training though. They didn't mention the time of their training and if it's during the day and they can't accommodate me coming in at noon (they are close enough to campus for that to be a thing) then I'd have to say no and dear god I don't want to.
I hate it here (at work right now). It's nothing but people yelling at me at all day with a product I don't feel I fully understand. I have no friends here at all. I at least had my mom at JCP (yeah, whatever) and had a group of people from training at TWC. I guess everything is making me sad right now though. Work just isn't helping much.
Well, I'm supposed to find out about Bark & Co. sometime this week so hopefully I'll hear from them soon and it'll be good news, although I am prepared for the worst and will probably cry if I don't get the job.

so what now

2016-08-31T02:57:40Z

I had a meeting with my academic advisor on Friday and she got all bitchy (as is her way) about my class selections. Mainly she didn't know why I was taking so many classics classes. I informed her it was because that was my minor, I just hadn't been able to declare it yet and she's all "Oh, well, I can do it for you." ...Why couldn't you do that when I originally planned on an art history minor?! Whatever, minor is declared now.

She pulled me out of the Ancient Greek/Roman art class as well as the Witchcraft class because neither of them were giving me any credit toward graduation so I am now in a classics 1101 class which is classical literature (SNOOZE) which a boring ass prof (only been to one class but you can always tell when profs think their audience is full of freshmen they have to talk down to) and my other class is a history class on the early Byzantine empire. I'm still trying to figure out OSU's new online set up. What was wrong with Carmen? NOTHING. Canvas is a nightmare plus my book list went up from $140+ to $180+ but I found a lot of books through the OhioLINK library site and a few of them are available as ebooks through the library too so it looks like there are just a few I'm gonna have to actually purchase but thankfully nowhere near the $180+ total it could have been.

I should have internet at home again on Thursday. After ditching Time Warner and their bogus billing (please tell me how three months of service equals to $600+ when our charge is supposed to be $130 a month). Yeah, we were behind but those numbers don't make sense. We were gonna return their equipment when one of us got the chance but some dude showed up this morning and literally tried to muscle his way in to get the equipment. Both of us basically had to shove him out of our apartment and I gave him the equipment and told him to get lost. He's all "But I want to see what we can do to keep your business." I told him it was too late for that. AT&T Uverse, here we come. AND to top that off, AT&T sent me an email telling me that the internet service I signed up for has a 1GB limit each month. UH, NO. Who would waste their money? It is definitely 1TB, I double checked it on their website and I'll be double checking the order with the installer if he gets there before I have to leave for work on Thursday. Damn internet being essential and all. It'll be nice, though, to have something to do at home besides reading (not even school reading, it's all ONLINE) and watching DVDs, although that did result in rewatching every Star Trek movie owned between my mom, my brother, and myself as well as an attempt at a Star Wars watch-through. We stopped after Phantom Menace. It was so tough to get through nobody wants to bother with Attack of the Clones. Some day.

blah

2016-08-25T02:44:27Z

Nerves: dealt with.

Now I just need to find a way to deal with the heat exhaustion and dehydration. My classes are so far apart and there's only a bus that goes from my first to second class. And so far they are all BORING and it's only been one day. The only classes that seem like they'll be interesting are Sex & Gender in the Ancient World and Magic & Witchcraft in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. History of Japan the prof bored me into a coma and History of Ancient Greek and Roman Art guy lectures like he has to get as many words as possible into a single breath and his Powerpoint presentations are all over the damn place. He was also like 10 minutes late for class and then tried to hold us over. Uh, no guy. I have to leave campus in a timely manner.

That said, I've been up since 6:30am, I've walked about 5 miles, and I don't leave work for another hour and fifteen minutes. Fun times. Next semester there will be no 8am class. Nor will all my classes be on the same days. They shall be dispersed.

yo

2016-08-24T03:47:09Z

I am updating from work because I do not have the internet at my home right now. TWC thought it'd be cool to charge us well over $400 for two months of service... Service that is supposed to be $130 a month. My mom asked about it and they told her it was because of "late fees and things." Uh, no friend. I know how the TWC system works, I've never seen a late fee more than $7.50 a month. Sigh. We'll probably end up paying them though... It'll just be a good long while. Unless we can actually get service through AT&T (WHICH I DO NOT WANT). It is extremely frustrating not having internet right now as I'm starting classes tomorrow.

Speaking of starting classes, for some reason I'm super duper nervous about it. I don't know why but it's like stomach-ache inducing, feel like I have to vomit nervousness. I think I just have too much going on right now. I think once I get on campus and back into the swing of things, it'll all be good. I almost added another class to my schedule last night - Greek. As in the ancient kind. It would have required me to be on campus today and I was not mentally prepared for that so I immediately dropped it. Next semester when I can plan for it.

Bleh, I don't like this nervous feeling.

part of a much longer survey i took from murasakineko42

2016-08-03T05:45:08Z

1. Who are you?
Melynda

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?
* I don't relate to people well. I am one of those people who can never think of anything to say in order to have a conversation with someone. I dislike small talk. It's part of the reason, I think, that I have so few friends. People feel I'm standoffish or whatever. Maybe I am.

* I am still a student and will be working full time while going to school full time this upcoming semester so I may be dead by December. The fact that I am 34 years old and still an undergrad gives my life a perspective that is very sad.

* I love animals, especially my dog Darwin. Because he is perfect, adorable, and I love him.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?
Working, schoolwork, or gaming. Sometimes watching tv if it's around the time any of the ones I watch are on.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time).
Well, my classes last semester were Norse Mythology, Archaic Greece, a history class that was essentially about how to study history, and then Japanese.

Archaic Greece was probably my favorite. Early Greek history has always been an interest of mine and actually where my history studies are essentially settling. Plus I liked having a British professor for this class. He was pretty awesome and extremely British.
Then the class that was supposed to teach you the right ways of studying history. Most people see history as a bunch of dates and names, but there's a lot more there and you really have to change your way of thinking when you study history and can't view things from the perspective of someone looking back all the time.
Japanese class I didn't enjoy as much as I hoped I would. I love the language and I enjoyed learning it, I did not enjoy the way they chose to teach it. It was very much a learn your lines and then perform sort of thing, I don't have the memory for that sort of thing. Plus I didn't like having to keep track of which one of like 7 different instructors we might have that day because they all taught in widely different ways.
Lastly was Norse Mythology. That class was so fucking boring I only stayed awake during one class and that was because I was spending my time copying notes from another class into a new notebook because I didn't like the one I started taking the notes in. So boring. I really wish I hadn't bothered. There were other classes I could've gotten a literature credit with.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year?
Biggest? Probably acing my classes this semester. I HAVE to raise my GPA for personal and scholarship reasons.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
Hopefully out of grad school... maybe working in a museum or academic library. We'll see.

7. What stage of life are you in right now?
Early thirties, regretting that I am no longer in my 20s. I liked my 20s.

8. Are you more child-like or childish?
What the hell is the difference? I think I can be both at any time. I'd like to think less childish, but I know I have my moments.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Hey Hugo." My cat just walked by.

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?
'Why Does It Always Rain on Me?' by Travis.

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?
No, but I used to beg my mom to sign me up for Tae Kwon Do when I was a kid and she never would. I think my life would be different, because I'd probably be in better shape. My brother, though, got to do Judo and karate. Because he's a boy. *eye roll*

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?
Whenever it starts to get better, something happens to try to level it out. But lately it seems more bad than good.

13. Does time really heal all wounds?
No, not all of them.

14. How do you handle a rainy day?
I stay inside unless I absolutely have to go outside. I don't generally do a lot of stuff outside, so rain rarely ruins any plans I might have, but I don't especially enjoy getting rained on so...

15. Which is worse -- losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?
Uh, losing luggage. If you lose your clothes, you have to replace them and that tends to be extremely expensive. Tangled holiday lights? Go buy another box of lights. They're like a dollar at Target.

16. How is your relationship with your parents? Will you miss them when they are gone?
Not too long ago I was living blissfully by myself. Now due to my mom having to move, she lives with me which is not fun. At all. But with our schedules starting to regulate, we really don't see each other that often. Since she's the only parent I've ever had, yeah. I'll miss her a lot.

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?
Sometimes too much so, but other times I don't pay much attention. It depends on what I'm doing.

18. What is the truest thing that you know?
Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up?
At times I wanted to be a singer and then grew out of that delusion. I wanted to be a teacher for the majority of my past. An astronaut, a librarian, someone who worked in NASA mission control (after I got a little too worried about being lost in space), a doctor, an archaeologist, etc.

20. Have you ever been given a second chance?
Yes.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker?
I try to be a giver when I can be. I don't like being a taker.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?
It depends on the decision being made? Ultimately it's a decision so can't be that open if you've picked one thing over others.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
Before I figured out what the issue was, I was having serious, serious stomach pains. Turned out it's a gall bladder issue (I'm pretty damn sure the thing needs to come out but I haven't had insurance in order for that to happen). I had to change my diet and cut some things out (like soda or anything else that is carbonated). When I eventually went to the ER about it (and the non-stop day of vomiting that it caused) I was laying on the floor of the ER waiting room bathroom it hurt so much. Thankfully they took me into the back fairly quickly.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?
I don't know, there have been many moments where I've dealt with self-doubt and bouts of depression and/or anxiety. There isn't one that stands out.

25. Who have you hugged today?
My awesome dog Darwin.

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?
They trusted me, details private.

27. Do you have a lot to learn?
Yes.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?
* Be fluent in many different languages.
* Cook in a much more versatile fashion.
* Be a computer whiz.

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do, or how other people make you feel?
What people say and do, sometimes. I have a selective memory so sometimes I remember that way, sometimes I just don't remember.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?
Trust, communication, commitment, compromise, acceptance and forgiveness. <--Amy's answer is good.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
Graduate college/grad school, be financially secure, have a family

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?
Living with dementia, I've seen what that does to people.
Other than that, there isn't anything that can't be dealt with or survived.

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?
I am an activist for animal rights, I've always supported animal-related causes.

34. What does each decade make you think of? The 19..
20's: flappers and bob hair cuts
30's: the Great Depression, the Dust Bowl, Amelia Earhart.
40's: WW2, holocaust, ladies hairstyles
50's: terrible recipes (just read a cookbook from the era), sexism, racism, and rock n'roll.
60's: space race, civil rights, The Beatles, hippies, Woodstock, assassinations.
70's: Vietnam, Nixon, Watergate, dead Elvis.
80's: cassette tapes, My Little Pony, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper.
90's: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files, Alanis Morrisette when she was angry.
2000's: College, ACME, living in PA, Sept 11th, Lost
010's: Civil unrest across the world, terrorism, political manipulators

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
The 90s. My prime education years, I graduated in 2000 afterall.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
A Woman Left Lonely by Janis Joplin.

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?
The US of A and that leader would be Barack Obama. If I could say anything it would probably be that I'll miss him. I've really enjoyed having someone in the White House who acted like a person and was relate-able. Well, maybe Bill Clinton was too, but I was a kid when he was president and didn't pay any attention. Politically the racism that surfaced after his winning the presidency really crippled what he was able to do, but I think he's done the best he could. There are some things that aren't great, but that's always the way it is.

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
Netflix.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
No idea. They are all basically terrible so hopefully none of them.

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
I was a girl scout for a few years, I wish I had stuck with it, actually.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
Since air travel is a thing, I'd have to go with that instead of pretending that the height of travel is the Mayflower.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
It isn't black, though, it's just a darker blue.

43. What does your name mean?
According to the internet it means bee or honey which I have never heard before.

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
Space.

45. Word association: What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
Air: bender.
Meat: grinder.
Different: same.
Pink: purple.
Deserve: want.
White: black.
Elvis: stoiko.
Magic: act.
Heart: brain.
Clash: of the Titans.
Pulp: orange juice.

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?
Jane Austen.

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?
Fran Healy... He's the only member of my favorite band I haven't met.

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?
Moulin Rouge, but I wouldn't watch it every day.

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
Why the hell am I planning to spend time in an elevator? I guess I'd bring food, a coloring book, something to read, and a phone to call for help with.

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?
Who is to say the effect you have on someone's life?

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...
Fruitgoogle: A way to google fruit-specific information.
Ambytime: Time to take ambiene.
Asscactus: A disease of the ass.

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?
Lunch.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I didn't have a specific toy, I loved them all equally.

54. How many TV’s are in your house?
One that works.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Drive.

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?
Nothing in particular.

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?
I typically don't remember my dreams, so I really couldn't say.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader?
Yes, yes I have. I haven't been in a few years though.

59. What is your idea of paradise?
Quiet, not a lot of people, I have enough money to not have to work and can focus on my school. Enough room for my animals.

60. Do you believe in God and if so what is he/she/it like?
No, not really. I relate more to pagan religions that believe in nature and not necessarily a god that created everything.

61. Do you believe in Hell?
No.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't?
I've been to Japan. Not many people I've met have.

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?
I have absolutely no idea.

64. Are you a patient person?
Yes, I think so.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't?
Something acknowledging women for a change would be nice. Every national holiday we have that is for a person is for a man.

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?
Columbus Day.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?
Eh, I'm not really a joke person.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been?
Many a Barnes & Noble.

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?
Dyed. My hair is basically been dyed since 8th grade.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?
I have things I keep to myself but I don't think of them as "deep dark secrets."

71. What is under your bed right now?
Nothing. My bed still isn't set up properly so it's just my mattress on the floor.

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?
Go home. Oz seems like a terrible place.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed?
Not so much recently, but I'm usually going within the range of 5mph more than the speed limit.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to?
I don't dance.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?
Again, I don't dance.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers?
Disney.

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo?
No particular animal. Whatever we came to first.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
Sure? Probably.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off?
No, we'd all be burned into the atmosphere.

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?
Learning.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick?
Guns. Take the guns.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?
Equator, I guess. I hate the heat, but I don't want to live with seals and polar bears.

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?
Neither. I guess tv though.

84. What do you think makes someone a hero?
Taking a risk that others wouldn't do for the benefit of others.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in?
Either Avatar or Legend of Korra. Bending, yo.

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:
Anxiety makes me queasy.

87. What was the last thing you paid for?
Rent.

88. Are you a coupon clipper?
I try to be, but I'm rarely organized enough with my shopping.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently?
Nope.

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class -- dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling?
Karate or sailing. Or bowling.

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So -- is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends?
lol... Yes. They are physically and mentally the same person.

92. What insects are you afraid of?
All of them except butterflies, lightning bugs, and pill bugs.

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say?
No idea. I'm getting to the end of this and this question just feels like a waste of time.

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn?
I have this hideous shirt that is a button up and has ugly green flowers on it. I wear it ironically.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be?
Chinese food.

96. What are your parents interested in?
My mom likes animals and mostly spends her time dealing with them. She also has depression issues so she likes things that can make her laugh.

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal?
No. I tried to catch a baby rabbit once, but that was a waste of everyone's time.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?
A little bit of both. Plans are obviously the most tangibly helpful, but wishes give hope which is helpful too.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest?
At night.

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?
A tent, a sleeping bag, and food.

bleh

2016-04-11T04:31:30Z

So I didn't get the bank job... So I'm probably going to end up going full time at my current job. Like I told my mom yesterday, I've gotten pretty good at shutting my brain down to get through my current shifts (which are never more than 6 hours) so I could probably do it for longer if absolutely necessary. I just need something that'll give me health insurance. I was sick last week (still am, a little...) and couldn't go to the doctor and I don't need my financial aid to be slurped up by the health insurance OSU forces on you if you aren't already insured. I was turned down flat for insurance with the state and that's all that came up on healthcare.gov for some reason so something has to happen. I have a few other applications out there and a few more places that I need to apply to. In a way I'm glad I didn't get the bank job because it would have blown up my chance to go back to school in the fall, but it also would've been $13.50 an hour which would put me back to the comfortable lifestyle I had whilst working full time elsewhere. Hopefully something better will come along sooner or later.

We're leaving this house at the end of May. Rent is too much for this dump. A chunk of wall literally fell out the other day. I have to report it eventually or they are going to try to charge us for it. Not to mention the windows that won't stay open, the paint peeling off of various surfaces, and the garage door actually broke the other day and our cars were trapped inside. Thankfully they at least fixed that... Everything else I've been complaining about since we moved in here however...

In other words, my classes for fall have been scheduled. Sex & Gender in the Ancient World, History of Modern Sexuality, Art of Ancient Greece and Rome, and Witchcraft in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. Only one of these classes is a history class! Any guesses?

what's been happening...?

2016-03-26T07:56:19Z

So, I've been attempting to find a full time job... This is not going as well as I would have liked. The place I currently work keeps giving me interviews for better paying, full time positions but then not hiring me. I was told it was likely because I was too new and didn't have a performance review yet. So why was I getting interviews and pretty much being told I had a shot at these positions if that actually wasn't the case? I have yet to receive an answer to that question. I am currently waiting to hear about a position at a local bank as a payment processor. They've been moving pretty slowly at getting that job filled so god knows when/if I'll ever hear about it. There's an application status thing on their website and there's been no movement on it since my interview and that was nearly 2 weeks ago. At this rate it just looks like I'm going to have to work more hours at my current job (which I HATE) and hope for the best. The bank job seems like it'd be pretty good, decent pay, benefits, and no contact with customers BUT if I were to get that job, my school life would go out the window. But I really need a better paying job. The bills... the bills!!

Otherwise there is nothing to report on. I got sick recently so there's that. I was supposed to go hang out with Kerri tomorrow but I'm still not feeling that great and I don't want to get her sick and potentially her children thereafter so I cancelled that, which sucks because I know nobody up here and soon she's going to be much farther than an hour drive away so I was hoping to get as much hangtime in as possible before I never see her again but that hasn't been working out too well. Guess that's partially my fault for opting to take a full weekend off a month instead of one weekday day off a week. Lots of bad decisions were made at the start of my time with my current employer...

I have classes planned for Autumn 16 semester that I am registering for on Monday. I figure I'll get my ass registered and if something changes, then it changes. I have a few online alternatives so that's something, I guess. A few of the history classes I needed to fulfill certain graduation requirements have changed though. I have to take two courses that deals with Middle Eastern/Asian/Latin American history and my classes should be 3000 level. The only Middle Eastern history class that didn't deal with religion was one on the Ottoman Empire which was - at some point - downgraded to a 2000 level class. Asian history classes are pretty much non-existent, and the only Latin American history class was a 1000 level class! On top of that there are no Japanese 1102 classes being offered and the history class Sex and Gender in the Ancient World is now suddenly a CLASSICS class instead of a HISTORY class which is even more frustrating because it was part of my focus in my major. But, ultimately, it works because I am going for a classics minor with a focus in Ancient Greece. Sigh. Figuring out the requirements and classes for your fucking major should be a focus of study all its own. Especially if they are going to switch things around like that.

sigh

2016-02-09T09:21:40Z

Things have pretty much gone to shit. I don't even have the energy to update about it. Right now I just need a full time job that will pay me decently and my current employer does not seem keen to comply. I've put tons of applications out there, submitted my resume to all sorts of places. Nothing. Most people apparently can't even be bothered with rejection emails. Rude. I have 18 years of customer service experience in a face-to-face environment and some call center experience. I have an associate's degree, which most places seem keen to have, but still... NOTHING. I'm not even getting interviews. I did have an interview for a job at work that I actually really wanted. Did I get it? Nope. They claimed that the criteria they went by was 1. performance reviews 2. qualifications 3. seniority... How does that make sense? I haven't even been there 6 months yet. I haven't HAD a review. WHY EVEN INTERVIEW ME? What should have been a good idea of coming out here and finishing school has been a fuck up.

updateage

2015-12-30T07:48:09Z

Yeah, so, looks like I'm going to have to drop another class to have any hopes of paying tuition by Monday. I am waiting to see what my paycheck is going to be. At the very, very least, I will be dropping everything but Japanese. It will literally set me back an entire semester, but I can't go until next fall between Japanese 1101 and Japanese 1102. I'd be lost (moreso than I currently am). This makes me angrier than I can properly put into words. I was REALLY looking forward to this semester because I got two classes that I really wanted to take, Magic and Witchcraft in Medieval Europe and Sex and Gender in the Ancient World. If I end up dropping to two classes, I'll probably keep those two and drop Japanese (even though I was just complaining about it) because they are three credits each and there is seriously a $200+ per month difference between taking 7 credit hours and taking 6. I started out with 16 credit hours. SIGH.

I hate to say it, but having a fundraiser to try to salvage your education is extremely enlightening. Like, existentially so. In terms of that fundraiser I have one friend in this world. Not even my family bothered to donate. Thanks guys! It's not like I got anything for Christmas from anyone. Twenty or thirty bucks would've killed you? Sigh, whatever. I don't really want to be entitled about it, but *something* would've been nice, even if it was just a share on their damn FB.

In other news... yeah, there is no other news. I'm starting to look for a full time job. My current job had one available in another department that I was eyeing but apparently I didn't eye it well enough because the posting ended yesterday. I don't really know if I want to stay with this company anyway. I'd really like a job that didn't involve other people. Especially not customers. I mean, really. I am not a magical fairy that can make UPS deliver on a holiday. Don't cry to me that you didn't measure your husband's ass before ordering him pants. PEOPLE.

In entertainment news, I saw the new Star Wars on Christmas but was kind of exhausted (since I, unlike the rest of my family, bought people gifts and stayed up until almost 5am wrapping them... I'm not bitter or anything). Kerri is coming up this Saturday and we are gonna go see it again as a late celebration of my birthday earlier this month. Someone asked me how old I was the other day and I had to actually do the math. Is it good or bad when you can't remember how old you are right off the top of your head? Whatever. Anyway, I've been rewatching Psych on Netflix... it just kind of happened (after I rewatched The Office and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt again). I tried watching Dark Matter because scifi and space but dear god the characters are terrible. Wtf is with Canadian scifi having such horrible characters? I watched a few seasons of that Continuum show and it had the same problem. (I don't count Orphan Black as Canadian even though I know it is... its a gem.) I actually miss watching The Walking Dead and that disturbs me. Galavant and Agent Carter are back soon though so yay! No more Doctor Who for awhile though. The Christmas episode surprised me. It started pretty stupid but actually got rather decent toward the end.

GOFUNDME - PLEASE HELP OR SHARE OR WHATEVER

2015-12-22T09:23:48Z

I am severely short on my tuition this semester... I was told two weeks ago that I was losing most of my financial aid and after this semester I'll be on my own to fund at least one more year of classes. But right now I need some help getting money together to pay tuition and fees for Spring. If you could share my campaign, I'd really appreciate it. I've only had one contributor so far and I hate to say it, but I need more. If my school had told me sooner, I wouldn't have wasted my time with a part time job, I would've been working full time. And I'm planning to do as much.

PLEASE read and share!

https://www.gofundme.com/u4dw7chg

CHRISTMAS CARDS 2015

2015-12-01T06:41:43Z

It's that time of year folks...

Want a Christmas card from me? Leave a comment with your address and you shall get one.
Comments are screened and viewable only by me!

Based on my tags here on LJ, I have not done this here in 3 years and am not expecting much. I think only three people are still around...

Answer for question 4534.

2015-10-23T05:02:55Z

I do believe in the supernatural. I've had a couple of encounters with things I couldn't explain starting from when I lived in my aunt & uncle's house in Pennsylvania. During the summers and once I had graduated high school I had a tendency of staying up really late at night because it was the only time I had space to myself. On *numerous* occasions I would be sitting there watching Law & Order or whatever and then all of the sudden I'd just hear the backdoor SLAM. I would sit there petrified that someone forgot to lock the door and some intruder just got in the house. It never woke anybody up, which probably should've been a sign of something. I managed to work up enough nerve once or twice to get up and check it. The backdoor was at the bottom of some steps to the basement and there was a door at the top of the steps that had a window in it so I just peeked through that. The door was shut. Once I got REALLY brave and actually went downstairs to check, it was locked. That happened frequently and even after checking it, I knew it was locked, it still freaked me out.
Another thing that happened in that house was that one time I was standing at the stove making lunch or something and I heard someone going upstairs into the attic. The attic stairs were directly above the basement stairs so you could hear when someone was walking upstairs fairly clearly in the kitchen. Thing is, NOBODY liked going upstairs and avoided it as much as possible. It was too hot during the summer and too cold during the winter so hardly anybody bothered. Only me and my mom were home so when I heard the footsteps I assumed it was her and I shouted asking her why she was going upstairs. When I looked out into the living room, she was sitting on the couch wondering what the hell I was talking about. She said I went really pale but neither of us were brave enough to go upstairs to see what it could have been.
I should probably note that we moved into this house to help my aunt (actually my great aunt) whose husband (my grandma's brother) had died a few years before so it was often believed the random noises and crap that only *I* seemed to hear or experience were him. I never met him, so I'm not sure why that would have been.
Another time I experienced some weirdness while visiting a site in Gettysburg, PA. The tour I was with had stopped at some bridge (I still don't know where) and quite a few of us had seen a weird light at the end (it was a foot bridge and not that long of one). The light just shut off. Some people went to investigate but didn't find anything. Then all of the sudden the temperature dropped about 10 degrees and since my family had left me on the bridge by myself I quickly went back onto the bus.

a meme

2015-09-26T01:18:11Z

Apparently for this meme the person posting it gives commenters an age to write about and whatnot. geni91782 gave me the age of 15...

At 15...

I lived in:

Dayton, Ohio. It was actually back when my mom and I lived in a housing project in the city. It was pretty terrible. I turned 15 in December of 1996... It was February or March of 1997 when we moved to Fairborn.

I drove:

Nothing. I was fifteen. Although I wouldn't actually get my driver's license until 23.

I was in a relationship with:

Nobody. There was a boy I really liked at school and we spent a lot of time together. Unfortunately I moved before anything came of it.

I feared:

Getting murdered at home. Also getting caught for bringing cigarettes to school the one time I did it. I was so nervous about it I was shaking. Teenage rebellion was not for me. At least not that way.

I worked at:

Nowhere. Again, I was fifteen. I wouldn't get my first job until I was sixteen.

***

NOW! (33 years old)

I live in:

A small house in Columbus, Ohio.

I drive:

A 2009 KIA Rio that I'm starting to think I will never get paid off... Even though I've only had it a little over a year.

I'm in a relationship with:

Nobody. Relationships really aren't my thing.

I fear:

Not being able to pay rent and various other things I have to pay as a result of this disastrous move thanks to my mom being an irresponsible fuck up. And then having to drop out of college again because of her.

I work at:

A call center for JCP.com where people try to shop online but actually can't figure out how.

I want to be:

A librarian or an historian or some one doing something interesting with their life.