And I kept on misspelling "lengthy"
Random observation: I cannot rant. When was the last good lengthy entry of mine, covering a certain aspect of my life exclusively? I must say I envy that in certain people, having the ability to describe what they've done or how they're doing in a well formed manner. Not to mention that such entries restrict themselves to a (seemingly) single topic. Either that or folks are just darn good at making something sound coherent. ;)
My own entries are either short tidbits or lengthy scrapings of various thoughts. It wouldn't surprise me if halfway through this I'd be talking about something else already. Though maybe it's also an indication of how I'm thinking. Not so much in fragments, but several greater wholes at once. Which makes it quite confusing to pinpoint an exact thought to write about.
This also is visible in the way I write. Entries mostly sit locally on my computer for hours, if not days, before they get posted, if they get posted at all. A lot of entries have been "lost" so to speak. I've grown quite insecure when it comes to my writing, especially when it comes to hidden or double meanings that may have slipped under my radar. I've gotten burned quite a few times because of that. And thus it takes me at the very least three times as long to get something written down. And with that in mind I mostly don't look forward to writing at all.
Another reason why my entries aren't that lengthy could be that I am giving things too much thought. Though I do love to ponder and philosophize about certain things I find it hard to share certain findings and conclusions with other people. Not only because of the aforementioned fear but also because I'm just not such an eloquent writer or speaker. Per example I can count about at least 10 other thoughts that have crossed my mind whilst writing the previous sentence. But every time I try to get them down I'm just at a loss for words. It is like my brain is moving way too fast and my hands and mouth just can't keep up with it.
Nevertheless I've promised someone sometime ago to just keep on writing. Not only for the sake of those interested in my life (if there are such people at all :D), but for my own sake as well. Having said that I must admit there are some previous entries which I regret. However I believe it is important for me to not only remember those moments but also to learn from them. And so they do not get deleted. That and I'm just plain lazy.
Maybe I just have to admit to myself that no amount of journal entries nor lengthy rants will ever describe precisely who I am, how I'm doing or what I'm thinking and feeling. And that these short snippets are merely an attempt to let others know what is going on. Though that makes it sound like an obligation, it is far from it.
This is my journal, but I am not solely my journal. Maybe I'm not the person who you've always perceived me to be, judging from these entries, and actually turn out to be more alike the person you'd like me to be. Or maybe who I would like to be.
Hmm, haven't strayed from the topic at all. Err... then... *shifts eyes* purple slinky on my head!
My own entries are either short tidbits or lengthy scrapings of various thoughts. It wouldn't surprise me if halfway through this I'd be talking about something else already. Though maybe it's also an indication of how I'm thinking. Not so much in fragments, but several greater wholes at once. Which makes it quite confusing to pinpoint an exact thought to write about.
This also is visible in the way I write. Entries mostly sit locally on my computer for hours, if not days, before they get posted, if they get posted at all. A lot of entries have been "lost" so to speak. I've grown quite insecure when it comes to my writing, especially when it comes to hidden or double meanings that may have slipped under my radar. I've gotten burned quite a few times because of that. And thus it takes me at the very least three times as long to get something written down. And with that in mind I mostly don't look forward to writing at all.
Another reason why my entries aren't that lengthy could be that I am giving things too much thought. Though I do love to ponder and philosophize about certain things I find it hard to share certain findings and conclusions with other people. Not only because of the aforementioned fear but also because I'm just not such an eloquent writer or speaker. Per example I can count about at least 10 other thoughts that have crossed my mind whilst writing the previous sentence. But every time I try to get them down I'm just at a loss for words. It is like my brain is moving way too fast and my hands and mouth just can't keep up with it.
Nevertheless I've promised someone sometime ago to just keep on writing. Not only for the sake of those interested in my life (if there are such people at all :D), but for my own sake as well. Having said that I must admit there are some previous entries which I regret. However I believe it is important for me to not only remember those moments but also to learn from them. And so they do not get deleted. That and I'm just plain lazy.
Maybe I just have to admit to myself that no amount of journal entries nor lengthy rants will ever describe precisely who I am, how I'm doing or what I'm thinking and feeling. And that these short snippets are merely an attempt to let others know what is going on. Though that makes it sound like an obligation, it is far from it.
This is my journal, but I am not solely my journal. Maybe I'm not the person who you've always perceived me to be, judging from these entries, and actually turn out to be more alike the person you'd like me to be. Or maybe who I would like to be.
Hmm, haven't strayed from the topic at all. Err... then... *shifts eyes* purple slinky on my head!
