Travelers All Are We

Baby Dobrowolski!

2012-06-11T11:49:02Z

I am getting increasing excited/nervous for august and giving birth. We had our hospital visit on Thursday and it was wonderful. Our hospital is everything I could ask for in a hospital and more. Since we are with the midwife practice they do everything to ensure you get what you want, which for me means a natural birth. There is no "it's 8pm and im tired and want to get home so we're going to induce you so I can go to bed." They let your body do what is natural.

There are so many benefits to this hospital that I love! I am allowed to labor in the shower, walk throughout labor (not hooked up to a fetal heart monitor the whole time), give birth in any position that's comfortable for me, delay the cutting of the cord, and the baby will never be taken away from me! I love that they go by the studies that say baby will be kept the warmest through skin to skin contact on the mothers chest, rather than under a heat lamp.

Although I am still a bit nervous for this whole process, visiting the hospital energized me and has given me an excitement for this journey.

Baby on the brain!

2012-03-27T11:17:23Z

I'm sure most of you have seen my Facebook but for those of you who haven't, I'm very happy to announce that Kamil and I are expecting our first child in late August! We are beyond excited and I'm in full research mode! Researching everything from organic mattresses to cosleepers to car seats.

The first 3 months was rough and we kept the secret from just about everyone. Since my sister had lost her first child at 17 weeks we decided to wait to announce the news. But I was dying to get it out there by the time we did! I will be 19 weeks tomorrow. Almost halfway there!

Yesterday, after going to dinner with my friend Lizzy, for her birthday, I took a very crowded subway on my way to Penn. There were no seats available. The people sitting in front of where I was standing were having a conversation. They suddenly got quiet and I noticed that they were trying to determine if I was pregnant or not. I had to laugh a little bit cause I'm still fairly small. When I have a sweater on it is hard to tell but when you can see me in just a t shirt, you can't mistake it. They finally offered me a seat (although I declined since, by that point, I was getting off at the next stop).

Being pregnant is wonderful but also totally weird! Your body is I longer your own and you don't have control anymore! I used to be able to control how I felt through out the day by getting enough sleep at night. Now I go to bed at 9 and wake up at 6 (that's 9 hours!!) and I'm still exhausted. Although now that I'm in my second trimester I'm feeling better and having a harder time going to sleep so early. Lately I've been getting 8 hours.

Kamil has been amazing through all of it so far! Always doing things for me because he knows they are harder for me to do (like the dishes that made me so nauseous in the beginning, and carrying the laundry downstairs). He is very patient and I'm so thankful for him!

Self-confidence

2011-11-21T13:36:44Z

I apologize, in advance, for this rant, but I think I need to write this down for my own peace of mind.

"If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), 'am I really a writer?' 'Am I really an artist?' Chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."
-Steven Pressfield "the war of art"

I need to continually remind myself of this quote. Not that i will ever believe that I will actually be a real photographer but it gives me hope. I have always lacked confidence, something I pretend to have but in fact have very little of. I've fool many of you, haven't I?

Why is it that only the negative stays with us? I get a hundred positive remarks for every negative thing that happens yet I can only remember the people who thought my work wasn't good enough! I've shot for 2 people who have then had other photographers reshoot for them because they didnt like my work. That stays with me. I know, logically, that not everyone is going to like what I do, and that I have to learn to let it go but it's easier said than done.

I know that I'm not the best headshot photographer, and that it's sort of hit or miss when I do a headshot shoot but I have never charged my friends for head shots and I'm still learning.

I know you gain confidence by doing, but I feel that I am not good enough to charge yet but I've been doing shoots for free for 3 years. I have to just jump in. I just don't know how! Those vampires have taken hold and aren't letting go! And why is it the worst kind of vampire? *for those who don't understand the reference listen to "Die, Vampire, Die" from [title of show].

I have realized that a lot of people call themselves professionals (in all different fields) but really have no idea what they are doing. The difference between them and I is that they have confidence, or they at least fake it. I was also taught to have the knowledge and the credentials before saying I was something. I don't think it's fair to the people hiring to believe I'm one thing when I am, in fact, another. But I'm not quite sure how I get to where I want to be.

gretchasketch @ 2011-07-10T18:56:00

2011-07-10T22:56:26Z

I am trying to calm myself down right now and not let my emotions get the better of me...as they normally do!

This weekend Kamil and I went on a hiking trip to Ithaca with two of his friends and their girlfriends, which makes for a total of 3 couples (Phil and Jess, Josh and Paola and Me and Kamil). This was planned at the end of May and we had agreed to stay at Paola's brother's house about an hour away from Ithaca in Binghamton. Kamil and I agreed to go on this trip because it would be a cheap, fun trip with friends. We agreed to go on the trip because we would have a free place to stay and would only have to pay for gas and food. About a week ago (July 4th weekend), it was mentioned that maybe we should stay in a hotel because the house was an hour away from where we wanted to hike. Kamil and I did not like that idea but it was dropped and no one mentioned it again...until the day before we were leaving (thursday). Jess and Phil didn't want to say in the house because we had to bring our own sheets (since no one is there for the summer) and our own towels. Jess is a girl who is ALWAYS done up and refused to stay somewhere with no air conditioning. Kamil and I basically told them "look guys, we are poor and can't afford this. It wasn't the original agreement and we based our ability to go off the fact that there would be a place to stay for free. Therefore, we either need to bow out and not go with you guys, or we can sleep in our car (which we actually both want to do since the seats fold down and there is basically a bed in it), or we can stay at the house." I feel as though that gives a lot of options. We aren't saying "You HAVE to do what we want" but we are also standing up for ourselves and saying we WONT pay for a place.

Josh decides that he wants all of us to stay together and has found a Lake House that will cost $450 for the entire weekend. He says he is fine paying for it so that he can have all his friends together. Kamil talked to him and he said "are you comfortable with me paying? Consider it a late birthday present or something." I was a bit worried that by letting Josh pay we would be indebted to him and feel that we owe him something. Kamil and I agreed to do this because we still wanted to go and it seemed important to Josh that we go on the trip.

We get up to the house earlier than everyone else (around 9). We had been up since 5:30 that morning and were very tired after a day of work, and wanted to go to sleep. We called the other 4 (who were all driving up together) and they weren't going to be at the house until about 12:30. We explained where the house was (since we had missed it) and told them that we were exhausted and would probably be asleep when they got there. The answer on the other end of the line was "You're going to bed?" (in a passive aggressive tone). We explained that we got up very early for work and since they wouldn't be there till late we were going to hit the hay. That was not received well and we both felt as if we were obligated to stay up. I kept thinking, why am I staying awake? So we can say hello and then go to bed. Kamil and I decided it was ridiculous and want to bed.

The next morning we got up and everything was fine. Kamil and I thought that maybe we could go to the grocery store to pick up some food for ourselves for breakfast. Josh said "Can you wait until everyone is up?" (again with the passive aggressive tone). We agreed but about 20 minutes later when Jess and Phil still weren't up Josh said "Paola and I are going to go get coffee." Okay, so you can go get coffee but we can't go to the store? I didn't think much of it and just brushed it off and Kamil and I ended up going along for the ride to the coffee shop. Neither of us drink coffee but we decided to go to keep them company. Josh stopped off at the bank afterwards and then we headed back to the house. Jess and Phil still weren't up by that point. We all hung out and waited around until they got up and were ready to go.

Once everyone was ready we headed off for our first hike. We all piled into our little Honda Fit (that only fits 5, even though there were 6 of us. Someone ended up riding in the trunk...which is a hatch so it's not enclosed). Kamil and I have what is called an Empire Pass that we bought a while ago. It gets us into all the state parks for free (well not really for free since we did pay for the pass).

The first hike was Josh's choice. I had read good things about the hike and had told him that I liked his choice. We started out all together and ended up hiking in groups that changed all the time. I would hike with Josh and Paola and then I'd hike with Kamil and then I'd hike with Jess. It was ever changing. After a while Josh became very quiet and it was clear that he was not happy. I have a LOT of friends who do that it's one thing that frustrates me more than any other. I know you are not happy but when I ask you if you're alright you act as if you're pissed at me for asking. I always tell my kids a work "I can't help you unless you tell me why you're upset." Same thing here! Kamil hiked with him for a while and he didn't ask him why he was acting that way but since Kamil was very happy I was hoping it would rub off on Josh!

At one point Kamil stopped and wanted to put his feet in the water. Everyone seemed okay with it and stopped and sat down and took a break. I joined Kamil and it was very refreshing. We tried to get other people to put their feet in and walk around by the gorgeous waterfall but they didn't want to get their feet wet. It was so hot that my feet dried off within minutes after getting out. Kamil and I walked around for a few minutes and overall took about a 10 minute break. Once the hike was finished, there was an awesome gorge with a waterfall that people were swimming in. There was a diving board that you could jump off of into the gorge. It was pretty cool. We got there and Josh said "I'm going in." I wanted to go in as well but had to pee like CRAZY! I found the bathroom, went and by the time I got back Josh was on his second jump off the diving board. Phil ended up going in as well and by the time I jumped off the diving board the first time they were sitting under the waterfall. I joined them for a few minutes and then they both got out. I jumped again and then Kamil decided he wanted to go. This whole time the other two girls are just sitting there, still not wanting to get wet. I understand that not everyone is up for jumping off a diving board, into a gorge but it seemed as if they were bored and didn't want to be there. I very much want to LIVE life! And yea, I was totally scared when I got up on that diving board! The drop was big but I wanted to do it! I didn't want to be a prissy girl saying "I don't want to get my hair wet." Well then why did you go on the hike?

By the time Kamil had finished his first jump the others were done. We were not. We wanted to jump a few times. I jumped a total of 3 times and Kamil 2. We were there a total of about 45 minutes. After that we walked back to the car. While at the car Jess and I got into a pretty heated debate about food. I've been reading books about food lately (one in particular called "Real Food" by Nina Planck) and am very interested in the subject. The debate centered around the fact that Jess thinks Red Meat, Whole Milk and other such things are terrible for you. Where as I say, if you are going to be getting any fat it SHOULD be from whole milk or other sources of animal fat. These things actually help us. I'm not going to go into it here but I have a whole slew of opinions and facts to back them up.

We headed out to another hike Josh had found and did a 1.5 mile hike that wasn't very interesting. At the end we all sat down to try to figure out what to do. Kamil said he needed to eat and pulled out some blueberries and offered them to everyone. Josh and Phil and I all ate some along with Kamil. Someone asked if anyone wanted to swim. I said that I could always swim but didn't want to hold anyone back so if I was going to be the only one, I wouldn't go." We decided to go back to the house and shower and relax for a bit before finding a place to eat.

When we got back to the house we decided to go out in the Canoe. Josh, Phil and Kamil all wanted to go out. There were 4 seats so I said I'd join. Since I used to actually race outrigger canoes I know a thing or two about canoes. One of the things I know best is how to steer! I ended up steering and Kamil is in the front paddling (there were only 2 paddles so Josh and phil were just in the boat for the ride). The whole time Josh was telling Kamil that he didn't know what he was doing and that he was doing it wrong. Kamil was doing fine and Josh really didn't know what he was talking about I guess needed to make himself feel better so he decided to berate Kamil. Just so you all know, Josh was Kamil's best man in our wedding but he still treats him this way.

We all showered and then went out to dinner at Josh's choice. This wasn't a place that I particularly liked but I can always find something on the menu so I went along with it cause I didn't want to be difficult. Dinner was fun. We had several debates about relationships (talking about how we argue and how we are similar and different) as well as about religion/our moral compasses. I had a great time. When we got back Josh was sort of done talking about all of it and went onto the deck with his beer and music. Kamil and Phil soon joined him and the three of them were playing cards. I went out there, along with Paola and we chatted and had a good rest of the evening. Jess went to bed...everyone was fine with that. We agreed to get up and be out by 9am the next morning (this morning).

We had thought we were going to hike this morning but since it takes so long to get home and we all have work tomorrow we figured we would just get on the road. They all wanted to go get coffee and agreed to do that and we needed gas. They all wanted to start driving and stop and get breakfast along the way. Kamil is the type of person that needs to eat when he wakes up. He can't wait an hour or two. He, unfortunately, didn't communicate this. When we were leaving the house Josh pulled out and drove away before we were even in our car. He did not tell us where he was going. We went to get gas and called him and Kamil said "Look dude, I am hungry so I think Gretchen and I are going to just grab a bagel at Panera and be on our way." Josh asked everyone if they wanted to go to Panera and no one did (btw, we weren't set on Panera, it was just right there and Kamil was hungry but we would have gone anywhere in town). He said but I thought you were coming with us. I then got on the phone and said "you've known Kamil long enough to know that when he is hungry he needs to eat NOW! His blood sugar gets very low and he becomes hangry (hungary and angry)!" Josh's response was "But that wasn't the plan." He ends up saying "It's fine! Do whatever you want." and hangs up. At dinner the night before he talked about how when women say "It's fine" it doesn't actually mean everything is fine. He also said how much he hates it when Paola says that. Yet, he does exactly what he hates to us.

Kamil and I head to Panera and Josh calls Kamil and Kamil tried to pick up the call but AT&T sucks and he didn't get it. Josh left a message saying "I think what you did is a really dick move. Especially considering I was extremely accommodating of you and Gretchen the entire weekend. My one request for everybody was that we stick together so we can spend time together and you pretty much just said fuck you to that, so I hope you have a safe trip back. Talk to you soon." That is word for word what he said. Kamil and both thought that maybe he was calling cause everyone had changed their minds and wanted to eat now. Kamil tries to call him back before he listens to the message and Josh calls again and Kamil is able to talk to him this time. Josh basically tells him he is a dick and he is pissed and hangs up. He doesn't let Kamil say a thing.

My first questions is why do we have to be together 24/7? We've been together the entire time so far. It's not like not having breakfast together means we aren't friends anymore. Kamil and I both felt that he was throwing it in our faces that he paid for the place. Just because he paid does that mean we have to do everything he wants? If I had known that I would not have gone!

Kamil and I stewed about this on our 6 hour drive home. Both frustrated but determined not to let it ruin our day. When we get home, Josh texts kamil and says this:

"I hope you and Gretchen got home safe. I had fun this weekend and I hope you did too. I am sorry for losing my cool before but I am not sorry for what I said. I thought it was rude of you to just leave without saying goodbye or thank you or even being open to compromise re: where and when we ate. There is no excuse for being rude, hungry or not. If you didn't want to eat in an hour you should have spoken up when it was discussed. It was childish that you just left, clearly showing you don't give a shit about what I think yet I am supposed to care what you think. I am pissed you didn't think of anyone else besides yourself throughout the trip, bringing only beer for yourself, food for yourself, and no one else. I don't care if you spend a dime. There are free ways to show you care. I get it that you have other ways you'd rather spend your money. But if other people are gonna float you just because they really wanna spend time with you, which I clearly do, you need to at least be a little bit less stubborn and meet in the middle. This my way or the highway bullshit is getting old. I love you man. I'm not usually one to talk because I am far from perfect. I just want you to see that you are making it seem like you don't care about others and that hurts me when I care so much about you."

First of all, they pulled out of the driveway without saying anything...NOT us! Second, we thanked Josh several times throughout the trip. I also texted him the day before the trip thanking him. But no, that's not good enough. We also, WERE willing to compromise. That was a lack of communication on BOTH of our parts. He didn't offer up any compromise and neither did we. I love that he says we didn't give a shit about what he thinks when all we did all weekend was what he wanted.

He says we didn't think about anyone else the entire trip. We drove everyone around all weekend, we did everything everyone else wanted and we are still in trouble for it. I had to go to Kmart to get something for my feet since I had a blister and I asked everyone if it was okay to go. They said sure no problem. But that's not thinking about anyone else. We brought 6 beers...they weren't all finished and we weren't the only ones who drank them. Alcohol is not something I think to bring to ANYTHING since I don't drink a lot. Kamil remembered and I'm glad he did cause we would have been in even more trouble had we not. and I'm sorry but I seem to remember you eating our blueberries! He didn't bring any food for anyone either so why is this even being brought up.

I love how he makes it seem as if he did us a favor. That he "floated" us and that we didn't meet in the middle. No, Josh, we didn't go everywhere you wanted to and were okay with it! We clearly complained the whole time and made your life hell. If you know me at all you know that I am incredibly laid back and a go with the flow kind of person but when someone basically says that I didn't compromise at all, when I did everything they asked, it PISSES ME OFF! The whole your way or the highway comment makes me angry! If that were true then we would have been staying at Paola's brothers, and we would have gone to the grocery store when we wanted to, etc.

It's really unfortunate that the whole trip ended up leaving a bad taste in our mouth. Kamil is done being pushed around by Josh and is writing him an email right now to tell him so.

I leave you with a few pictures from the trip because the pictures are pretty cool!

One of the waterfalls

Me Jumping off the diving board

All of us (L to R): Jess, Phil, Paola, Josh, Kamil, Me

If you got through all of that, good for you! It was LONG and I'm not the most eloquent writer in the world. What do you think about this whole situation?

Oops!

2011-05-18T11:30:29Z

I sort of managed to get myself into a situation with one of Kamil's friends the other day and I've been struggling to get myself out of it. I wanted to do a triathlon in montauk in October but decided I wanted to do the relay. I ha a swimmer and I would bike but I still needed a runner. One of Kamils friends runs (she was actually the swimmer on my team he. I did the NYC Tri). She had a house warming party this weekend and I was talking about it with another friend who said she might know someone but she's not that reliable. The girl said she'd do it but of course until I get a commitment from someone they are not locked in. So Kamils friend is talking about it and I said that I was going to do it but that we are still looking for a runner. Her response was "oh well...I was planning on doing it by myself but... Maybe I could do the relay. Give me a week and I'll let you know." To me it sounded like she really didn't want to do it! So I continued to pursue other options.

Also at the party wad a woman who is an AMAZING triathlete! She did the whole course WAY faster than Kamil! And got 2nd for the women! Pretty impressive. She is pregnant and due in 5 days. She said she wants to get back out there but can't do a full tri right after the baby is born. I mentioned that we were doing the relay and that i didn't have a committed runner yet and she said she would love to it.

There was my mistake. I should have let Kamils friend Jeanne know that I was pursuing other options until I found someone. Cause now Jeanne is not happy that I told her I didnt need her. To be quite honest I don't WANT to do it with her. She kind of drives me nuts! She is one of those people who has to be into EVERYTHING. Kamil and I always joke that she is going to call us up and say "hey guys, you should come hiking with us so we can photograph endangered species and save them and then we'll go find a vaccination for an incurable disease and on out lunch break we'll feed the homeless and then find stray cats a home!" she means well but I get kinda frustrated with her sometimes.

Anyway after calling her and leaving a message and apologizing to her for assuming that she would rather do it alone I came to the realization that I should just do it alone! I think I can do it and I've been wanting to do a full tri rather than just the bike part. I hate saying that I did the NYC triathlon and then having to say "I just did the bike portion." it's suck a killjoy. I think I'm ready to do a tri. I would do the sprint rather than the Olympic length. So I would be doing a 750meter swim (I think), 17k bike and 5k run. The bike is a piece of cake but I do worry a little about the other two. This weekend I'm going to ride my normal 15 mile loop and then go for a run and see how I do.

Kamil and I had a long conversation about then and then I realized I might not even be able to do this! Kamil and I are going to start to try to have kids this summer. If I get pregnant in July, I will be 4 months pregnant in October. Can I do a tri if I'm pregnant? I don't really want to sign up and then not be able to do it and waste the money. I guess it's time for me to find a dr. And find out.

Finding Balance

2011-02-27T03:13:15Z

After a lot of yelling and A LOT of crying the issues of this morning have been worked out. We are both beyond stressed and haven't spent much time together lately. It really seems to be taking it's toll on us both.

From this fight came the realization that one of the reasons I feel that I can barely keep afloat is that I am lacking balance in my life. I am working too much, not seeing my husband enough, and not getting enough time to relax. When I come home the projects on the house stare me down. When we first bought the house and would come home from the city it felt like we were going on vacation. Now, being in the house stresses me out. I know this feeling wont last forever and that once we finish the living room we will both feel a lot better but for now it's hard not to feel the rush of anxiety almost knock me over when I walk through the door.

A friend of mine gave me a necklace a few years ago that says "Balance" on it. She told me that she bought it for me because I have always been able to attain such balance in my life. I actually laughed when she said that because I didn't necessarily feel like I was able to. She said that from an outsiders perspective I did a wonderful job keeping balance. I've realized since she gave me the necklace that I am better at it than I think and when my life falls out of balance everything falls apart.

Now that I know what the problem is it'll be easier to fix it. I'm not quite sure how to find balance again but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Looks like it's time to put the necklace back on to remind myself that I'm in search of balance.

I'm thankful that I have a loving husband who, although at times, can make me want to scream, also loves me unconditionally...even when I throw my chapstick at him. And even though I had to have a break down tonight for us to have a good heart to heart, I am glad that he is able to hear me and really listen to how I am feeling. I KNEW these first several months were going to be very hard in the house. It's easy to say that but it's much more difficult to experience them. I just want to get past this and be able to live our lives and not have it be so hard. Looking forward to those days.

Keeping My Head Above Water

2011-02-26T15:06:10Z

I have been feeling very overwhelmed as of late. Although I had the week off and had some wonderful girl time with one of my very best friends, Ashley, last night I felt as if the world was crashing down on me and I couldn't stop it. I was beginning to feel suffocated. I love my husband dearly but we work very differently and sometimes it can cause me to have stress. I think that's what this is all about.

Since we moved into this house it feels that everything has to be done RIGHT NOW! That's very much his nature and something that, although frustrates me at times, I can't change about him. He becomes very stressed out if he can not finish a project or if he doesn't think he has enough time to do something. It's all he can focus on; it consumes him. Currently, our living room is a construction zone and although I don't like it, it stresses him out much more.

This week I feel as if he's bitten off more than he can chew. He is very ambitious and although I admire this I also, at times, am a bit more of a realist. He has plans to finish our living room this weekend, which means we have to prime all the walls, paint the moulding, and then paint the walls. I spackled all the holes a second time last night so before we do anything we have to sand those down.

He also thought that we would be able to make Bigos this weekend. Bigos is a delicious Polish meal that takes about 8 hours to make. I'm not quite sure what he was thinking but I made the executive decision last night to freeze all the meat and make it another time.

The thing that really has given me a headache this morning is the fact that he called someone to get an estimate on our gas conversion that we have to do at some point. This guy was supposed to come at 8am. I can't figure out, for the life of me, why he would schedule something for 8am when he didn't even get home last night till after midnight! We didn't go to bed till 1:30. It's not like he doesn't know what time his train gets in.

I have no problem with the fact that he wants to get all this done. In fact it's very helpful but having someone come at 8am means that I will be woken up as well. This is the 4th person who has come to give us an estimate on the gas conversion.

I feel as if Kamil is holding a plate of very delicate things and is stuffing as many things on that plate as possible. It's as if I'm standing under him trying to catch the things as they fall off the plate because he's piled it so high. i really respect his ambition and love him for it but his intensity is making me feel as if I can't breathe. I would say I need a vacation but I was on vacation this week and I only feel more stressed.

I think the solution is going to be to suck it up until the living room is finished and until the tree that fell over in our yard and broke our fence is gone. Once those two things are fixed I think he might be able to relax. Until then, I have a feeling he is going to be overwhelmed and therefore I will be as well.

Ooh the life of a homeowner!

Welcoming the New Year

2011-01-01T21:08:19Z

What a wonderful year 2010 has been for me! I experienced so many firsts and learned and grew from some difficult events. But all in all the year was the best I've ever had.

I took my first photography class in 2010. This was a very good experience for me! I learned that not everyone is going to like my work and that there will be critics out there but if you're doing what you love than that is what matters.

Kamil and I skied for the first time since we were 10 and 12 respectively. It was SO much fun! I've learned that I'm a little more adventuresome than I expected. I tried a harder course (a blue course) and I was NOT ready for it. I'm glad I tried it and wasn't afraid to try. I'll leave the double black diamonds up to Kamil!

Kamil and I got a cat, Hamilton, who was a street cat and followed us home one day. We had to take him in! He has turned out to be the sweetest, most lovable cat.

I participated in my first triathlon! I wasn't sure I wanted to do it but signed up anyway. I was so nervous and wasn't sure I was going to like the racing but I ended up loving it! I got teary eyed as I started biking and there were so many people cheering and supporting the racers! Biking has really become an outlet for me this year. It has helped me stay healthy both physically and mentally. And has given me and my husband a wonderful activity to do together!

I was blessed to have many friends come to visit and stay with me and Kamil over the last year. As difficult as it is to be away from your close friends it makes it even more special when they come to visit and can share this wonderful city with you.

The highlight of the year was our wedding that will live forever in my memory as the perfect day. It was beautiful and simple and we were surrounded by those we loved. We both felt so blessed to be given the gift of sharing this wonderful experience with all our friends and family. I think back on that day and I feel so warm and in love and sometimes it amazes me that it happened to me, that I was lucky enough to find this wonderful man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me!

I look forward to 2011, and welcome it with open arms! Kamil and I will become home owners, as we finish the process of buying our first home in the coming weeks. I know this year will be difficult in many ways (financially, since we will have bough a house, as well as professionally, since I will be commuting to work 2 hr/day) but I also know that this is the beginning of something wonderful! We are starting to talk about children, which we are both SO excited about and would have tomorrow if we could, and about our future. It's an amazing time in our lives!

I was trying to think what my New Year's Resolutions would be this year. There have been years that I've kept my resolutions and years that I've totally forgotten about them and thrown them to the wayside. In trying to come up with a resolution for this year I realized that I wanted to make a resolution that would really help me grow as a person. Last year I decided that I would journal more. I got a journal and would write in it on my way to work. It lasted for several months and then I forgot about it. Although I didn't keep it up all year it really helped me in my relationship with Kamil. I would journal about day to day stuff as well as our arguments, which helped me to see when I was wrong and what I could have done different.

This year I've decided to make a resolution to see the beauty and joy in the small things. Find it in my everyday life, helping to make life more enjoyable. I love life but lately work has been tough! If I can find joy throughout the day than I think it'll help make work better. I also really want to keep a thankful journal. I want to write down one thing I'm thankful for daily, in order to help me appreciate the small things! This year is going to be the start of something big for us. I am SO excited and terrified at the same time. But I am welcoming it and seeing where it leads us. It's the beginning of something beautiful!

Will things ever get better?

2010-12-01T04:55:28Z

Things have been completely miserable at work for the past few weeks. I have a new supervisor (we'll call her JM) since my old supervisor (who we will call JF) is on maternity leave. Things were fine in the beginning but a few weeks ago I got an email from JM telling me she wanted to meet with me about my schedule. That due to some requests of teachers she wanted to discuss ways to improve my schedule.

Okay if you don't know what I do this is going to be confusing so I'm going to try to explain it to you before I get into this. I work one on one with kids with disabilities in general ed settings. These are all preschool students that have been identified as having disabilities. I'm not working with severely disabled kids but kids who have a hard time sitting still (who may have ADHD but haven't been diagnosed) or kids who have aggression, etc. I'll explain how it works. Say "Andrew" has an extremely hard time sitting still and listening to his teachers, gets up in the middle of circle time, is disruptive, etc, and it's identified that he needs a SEIT (that's what I am). I go in for a specified amount of time each week. Lets pretend that Andrew gets 5 hours per week. I would normally break that up into 2 2.5 hour sessions, in which I go into the classroom and work on those specified issues with a kid, trying to give them the tools to survive in the classroom when I'm not there.

When I got this email from Joan about revising my schedule I had no idea what to think. I hadn't had much contact with her and didn't really know how she worked yet. Anyway, it turns out that one specific teacher wants me in her classroom 5 days a week for a 5 hour case. To me this is absolutely ridiculous! By the time I get there, it's time to leave. 1 hour is not enough time to really work on anything. It just doesn't work that way. This is my 4 year and I've NEVER done things this way. I've never split a 5 hour case into anything more than 2 2.5 hour sessions. And now she wants 5 sessions. My old supervisor, JF, would have stood up for me. JF would have said, that's not how things work and she has 4 other kids that she has to worry about and she'll be wasting time commuting from school to school, etc. But JM says "Okay we'll give you what you want!" When I went in for this meeting JM proposed a schedule that had me seeing EACH of my kids for only 1 hour per day. It also gave me a 3 hour break in the middle of my day. I was FURIOUS!!! What am I supposed to do with a 3 hour break when I can't go home and don't have an office and have to just sit around? I emailed JM that night and said that I didn't think it was going to work and here were the reasons why. I CCed her boss on it. Thankfully I did that cause her boss contacted another one of my old supervisors and she said she'd help me. In talking to her she said that we have to be patient with JM cause she is just learning the job. Yes, fine but I feel as if my time and work are not being respected.

I got over this whole thing and thought things would get better. A few days later I get another email from her telling me that she is giving me a new case. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but I already have 25 direct service hours. Full time at my company is 28 direct service hours and this case that she was giving me was 5 hours. This means I'd be 2 hours over putting me at over time. You can't TELL me that I have to work overtime, you really need to ASK. I've ALWAYS been asked. JM is my 4th supervisor in 4 years with this company and I've NEVER had a problem with any of them until her. I was VERY angry about this. So angry in fact that I made an apt with JM's boss, TW, (the head of the Early Childhood Dept at my company) to have a meeting. I talked and talked and talked to so many people and was getting more and more nervous about this meeting. I didn't know what I was going to say to TW! I was nervous that what I wanted to say was going to sound like I was telling on JM when really I was just frustrated and didn't feel as if I was being respected. The morning of the meeting Kamil asked me what I hoped would come from this meeting, and I couldn't figure it out. TW is not going to fire JM. I guess I really just wanted her to know how frustrated I was. But because I couldn't come up with a good answer, I cancelled the meeting.

That day I some how had to talk to JM. I am at 4 different schools but the school I am at for half my time (15 hours per week) is the school in which JM has her office, therefore I run into her. Anyway, I somehow decided to just try to kill her with kindness. My mom said later that what I was trying to do was get her on my side. Which is true. I guess I was trying to get her to like me so things would be easier on me in the future. A whole lot of good that did. Things have just gotten worse.

2 days ago JM emailed me saying we needed to talk. She told me that I was being taken off a case. I have NEVER been taken off a case in my LIFE! The way she said it was very sweet but also very much like you're being taken off cause the director requested it and cause you can't handle it. Not in those words but that was the gist of it. I was visibly upset! I had spoken to the director that apparently wants me off the case several weeks ago and she asked how I was doing. I work with 2 kids in her school. I said it was going really well with one of them but it was a little more difficult with the other. I was still trying to find my place with him and the best strategies to use with him. I saw the director a while later and she said "you know not all matches work. If it's not working for you, we can find someone else to work with him." I said "No, it's not that, it's just that I don't know him very well yet and we don't really have a relationship yet since I'm only there for 5 hours/week. I just need to establish a relationship with him and I think the rest will follow." And now apparently this director wants me off the case. If this director had said that to me again I wouldn't have felt that it was condescending. But the way that JM told me all of this it was very condescending and as if to say I'm sorry but you're not good enough at your job so we need to find someone else. Apparently JM's boss, TW was brought into this as well. And now I'm stressed that TW is going to think I can't do my job well! This was yesterday.

Today, I had a great day at work. I saw 3 kids and although I was kicked, had several things thrown at my head and my necklace was almost pulled off my neck in an attempt to try to hurt me, I had a good day. Kamil texted me asking me how my day was and I said it was great cause I didn't have to deal with Joan! Until 10pm when I get an email from her! My first thought is ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! It's 10pm and I have a LIFE!!! In this email she is asking me to do an educational evaluation for a child (who is not on my caseload). She wants me to get back to her ASAP cause she has a meeting in the morning with the director of this school. I'm sorry, you should have emailed me earlier cause I am NOT responding to you at 10pm! The only reason I saw this email was because I get my work email on my phone, which I am thinking of turning off.

As you will remember, I am already working overtime. Today I was at work from 8:30am-5pm. Tell me WHEN during the day am I going to do an education evaluation for another child? I am already working overtime and I am NOT staying later than I have to! The other full time SEIT is never asked to do anything. JM picks on me and asks me to do everything for her! She even wants me to take over HER caseload, now that I'm being taken off a case, cause she doesn't have time! BS! I don't have time either! This woman is very manipulative and I can't work with her. She is making my life a nightmare. I want to go to TW desperately cause there is NO ONE else I can talk to. I need advice on how to handle her but I have NO ONE to go to! She is making my life a living hell and emails me DAILY for something! I am not your fucking servant and I'm not going to do everything you tell me to do just cause you tell me to. She is trying to change the whole system at my company. Every time something happens with her I want to just quit. I like my job, but what I like about it is working with the kids. That's what I'm good at! I can't deal with her! I don't know what to do anymore and I'm getting close to just leaving!

gretchasketch @ 2010-11-27T11:13:00

2010-11-27T16:13:55Z

I'm stealing this from Nancy.

(1) Turn on your MP3 player or music player on your computer. (2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode. (3) Write down the first 25 songs that come up--song title and artist and post to your live journal--NO editing please.

1. Easy Silence - Dixie Chicks
2. Maple Tree - Angel Taylor
3. He Did It - Curtains
4. Chances - Five for Fighting
5. Aladdin's Word - Aladdin Score
6. Grace Kelly - Mika
7. On My Way - Sutton Foster
8. Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
9. Dance, Dance, Dance - Wilson Phillips
10. I Miss the Mountains - Alice Ripley
11. He Ain't Got Rhythm - Billie Holiday
12. One Small Life - Stephanie J. Block
13. Senior Prom - Lisa Brescia
14. Lucky - Jason Mraz
15. I Only Want to Be With You - The Marvelous Wonderettes
16. Joy To The World/For Unto Us a Child is Born - Amy Grant
17. Prayer of the Comfort Counselor - Spelling Bee
18. Picture of the Border Sign - Lindsay Mendez
19. Tiny Dancer - Ben Folds
20. King of Anything - Sara Bareilles
21. Love to Laugh - Mary Poppins
22. You've Got a Friend in Me - Randy Newman
23. If My Heart was a House - Owl City
24. City of Silver Dreams - Sugarland
25. Walt Disney World's Spectromagic Parade - Disney

New blog

2010-09-30T22:10:46Z

Hi All,

I've gotten a new blog! Mainly because my family can't read this blog and I want them to stay up to date on what is going on in my life. I'm going to cross post my entries from my new blog into this blog. And there may be times that I just use this blog cause there are only certain people who can read this and at times it's nice to be able to write something that not everyone can see. If you have gmail you can comment on the other blog as well. You don't have to have a blogspot.

If you want to follow the new blog you can find it here: http://gretchasketchd.blogspot.com

Otherwise you can just follow me here!

gretchasketch @ 2010-09-22T16:07:00

2010-09-22T20:07:17Z

Now that the wedding & honeymoon are over I have the daunting task of going through photos. We took over 3,000 in Hawaii during our 2 weeks there. It's totally overwhelming. Not to mention the thousands of photographs I have from the wedding day!

I'm totally sad that it's all over. It was such a wonderfully perfect day! I really want to write about it and I'm going to try to soon but for now I'm just going to live in the memories. I has been one month (today) since our big day and I already feel like it's been about a year.

I finally went through my Bachelorette Party pictures (several hundreds) and posted them on facebook. We went to Disneyland for the whole day and had a blast! I finally got to stay in the Disneyland Hotel (which was awesome) and get into the park early! Lauren, Meredith and I tromped around the park from around 7:30am-10am and walked on all the big rides including Space Mountain and Splash Mountain. We met up with everyone at 10:30am and had such a fun time.

I don't really want to write every detail but I will talk about the highlights.

Pictures under the cut...

*Hope (my sister) came and brought Alexandra (my niece)
*I got to introduce Alexandra to her first princess (Snow White)

*I got to see so many of my favorite people! Many of my closest friends came for the party! I was a few of my favorite people due to the fact that they don't live in CA:( (this picture is missing my sister and one of my best friends/bridesmaids, Stine)

*I got to play musical chairs with Alice and the Mad Hatter. I've watched them play many times and they always pull kids up. Well this day there were either no kids around or no kids wanted to play so they pulled up adults! It was all adults and one little girl.

*I had a "tea party" with the Mad Hatter and Chip and Dale!

*I got to go on Indiana Jones 4 times (I think)!! I LOVE that ride!

*We got to see The fireworks show AND Fantasmic (clearly my favorite! If you've ever seen my Fantasmic dance you'll know how much I love it!)

*We went to a nice dinner at Naples Ristorante e Pizzeria at Downtown Disney!

*I got Mickey Wedding Ears!!

*I got to take some great pictures!!

The very best part of this day was being with the people I love! Everyone was there for me and I felt SO loved! It was just the beginning of the Wedding weekend and it was a wonderful start! Thank you to all who came to celebrate with me!

If you love me for the beauty of my personality...

2010-08-06T15:47:42Z

It's finally here! The wedding is in 6 days! I have so many emotions running through me at the moment. I'm stressed, anxious, exhausted but mostly just excited! The last few days I've been in a funk. I think it is due to the stress! I feel like it's starting to go away and it'll all fall away as soon as I step onto that plane tomorrow morning! I can't wait to get out of here and go back to paradise (aka Santa Barbara)!

I keep trying to picture the wedding day in my head. What it'll be like to stand up there with Kamil. Will I cry? Will I be able to handle my tall heals all day? It'll be so nice to have so many of my close friends in one place. I'm missing some very important people, one in particular that it almost makes me cry to think that she won't be there!

I'm off to work for about 10 minutes to say goodbye to my kids, then to drop off my paperwork. This afternoon we have to finish packing, do laundry, etc. Then we get up at 4:30am and hop in a cab and we're off!

It's still sorta surreal to me that I'm getting married! That someone wants to marry ME! Its honestly something I questioned would ever happen. I am so thankful that o have found the person who fits! My puzzle piece! Someone I couldn't imagine spending another day without! I am just so thankful that we found each other! Boy, am I blessed!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

If at first you don't succeed...

2010-07-09T19:54:06Z

My photography has sort of gotten lost lately! I haven't had a lot of motivation or a lot of people to shoot so it's sorta made it difficult. Today I went out to return my headphones down at Columbus Circle. The clouds were beautiful and I decided to stay for a while and see what I could get.

There is one thing that has been frustrating me for a while. I've been trying to figure out how to take a picture where you expose the sky/clouds and the buildings in a way where one is not washed out or under exposed. Every time I try to do this I either meter on the sky and the sky is perfect and gorgeous and the buildings are totally under exposed, or I meter on the buildings and the sky is totally washed out. For example:

the sky is gorgeous but the building is totally dark and under exposed

and

While Kamil and I were at the zoo (where I took the two previous pictures) I kept trying and finally got lucky.

Although this isn't perfect, it was the closest I had gotten.

Then while at Disneyland in August, I got lucky again! Twice!

It's been driving me crazy not actually knowing how to achieve this and just getting lucky. So today while I was out I decided to take some pictures of the gorgeous clouds and hopefully get lucky and get some great shots. BUT I actually figured it out!!! Now, I really wasn't focusing on composition so they aren't great but the sky and building came out correctly exposed!!! YAYYY!!!

I'm hoping this will help in Hawaii! I need to practice more but I'm starting to get it!

Time races on

2010-06-18T00:59:08Z

I don't know why it's always so hard to sit down and update this thing. I always want to update it but it feels like a chore. I might do this entry in two parts cause I find that when an entry is too long no one ends up reading it. I know people read my journal and just don't comment (since I read other's journals but don't comment). I miss the days when all my friends were on LJ and we all commented on each other's entries! Those were the good old days!

I'm sorta depressed (btw, LJ says the depressed is spelled incorrectly! WTF) that my photography has had to be put on the back burner for the moment. Work, wedding stuff and house hunting has taken over. I am still testing kids at work so I don't get home till late and I've been sick this week as well. I miss going out with my camera. It doesn't help that all my friends are gone and I have no one to take pictures of anymore. I've got to process a bunch of pictures and maybe I'll put some up on here or just send you over to my Flickr page to look.

I really want to see Toy Story 3 tomorrow but there is no way that can happen. Kamil and I want to go together and he is working late tomorrow and then we're going to LI on Saturday to look at some houses. I also want to see it in IMAX 3D and it'll be CRAZY this weekend. I have from the 25th through the 6th off so it might be nice to see it during that time when it might be a little less crazy.

I just bought shoes and petals for my bike. I am now clipped into my bike. It's a little scary since now when I stop I have to remember to unclip my foot or I'll fall over. I've almost fallen several times. When we went to the bike shop yesterday they put me up in the trainer to help me learn how to clip in and out. Erik helped me and told me all the things that I'm doing wrong. I've never had a lesson on a bike before so it was good to learn the things I was doing incorrectly. He said a lot of the things I was doing (not bending from the hip and pointing my toes down) are causing my knee problems. Now I have to relearn how to ride a bike.

While we were waiting for my bike to be fixed (apparently the front breaks were broken and I had no idea) Kamil and I walked around SoHo. It just amazed me how materialistic people are. I think I notice it more in the trendy spots of NYC, where it seems that fashion and looking good and buying cute/expensive clothes are the most important thing in life. It just got me thinking how messed up we all are. So many people are taught (not directly but through example) that what you need to make you happy are things. The best car, the most expensive clothes, etc. So many people don't realize that what will truly make you happy are human connections. Kamil and I talked about this for awhile and realized that this is one of the reasons we work so well together. We both realize this and don't need all the stuff but just need each other. He loves me and doesn't care if I'm wearing the most expensive/hip clothes. In fact he doesn't really even notice. Which has sort of made me dress like a slob since I met him. Oops. Anyway, it's nice to realize that all that doesn't matter. Sometimes it's hard to realize that when I feel like a slob and have nothing to wear but you catch my drift.

gretchasketch @ 2010-06-11T12:53:00

2010-06-11T16:53:54Z

It's Friday and I have less than two weeks till I have 13 days off!!! Whoohoo! So happy! I will work 4 weeks in the summer and then leave for CA on August 7th and won't reuturn to work till Sept 13. I really need a break. I'm feeing totally burnt out.

My best friend from childhood/the friend I've grown up with and went to school with from kindergarten through college, is in town. Her older sister just had a baby and she's visiting till the 15th. I took a day off work on monday and I hung out with her and her younger sister and mom on Monday. We went to a gluten free cupcake shop in Chinatown and then went looking for a purse for Meredith's younger sister. Chinatown shopping is exhausting.

I'm gonna see Mere again this afternoon, although I'm not sure what we are going to do. Her birthday is on Monday so I've got to plan something for that too.

Kamil and I are heading to LI this weekend. I have to go to a bridal shower for his friend who is getting married (Kamil is in the wedding so I'm sorta obligated to go) . We are also going to an open house of a house that we've fallen in love with from the outside. I can't wait to see the inside!

2 months from tomorrow is the wedding! SO exciting! We are just doing last minute things like gifts for attendents, figuring out what we want said during the ceremony, music playlists for dinner and dancing. Now that the guest list is coming together I am feeling better about stuff. It's gonna be bigger than we wanted but not too much bigger. I'm just waiting for the final count before I know for sure. I will be very happy once everyone sends in their responses!

Off to eat some lunch and figure out what Mere and I are doing today.

What are you doing today?

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Stream of Consciousness

2010-04-15T17:03:46Z

Apparently the first part of this posted and I didn't mean it to. Oops!

S. (my tough kid) had a great morning! It makes the day SO much better when I'm not gettin beat up! Today I made a visual schedule for him. I just drew pictures of th 3 things he needed to do before he could play with me 1:1 (clean up after mornin playtime, go to morning meeting and eat breakfast). I've tried to use visual schedules with him before and it has NEVER worked. I hope that it works in the future and it wasn't just today!

I really need to get back on the bike! I haven't been out since I got back from CA! the wedding is in less than 4 months and I'd like to be a little more toned!

Brooklyn and Megan are coming to the city today! I'm so excited!!! I'm also excited that I'll get to see Addam's Family! I've heard it's not good but I still want to see it!

I can't stop listening to Five for Fightings newest album, Slice. It's SO damn good!!! I don't skip any of the songs! That is a great album in my opinion!

I feel like I'm gettig sick again! I never got over my last cold 6 weeks ago and now I'm getting another one? Why does my body do this to me?

Let's just talk about this weather for a moment! It's supposed to be rainy this weekend but today is gorgeous! Walking down the street and seeing blossems on the trees just makes everything that much nicer! It turns a bad day good, which exactly what I need at this point in the year! My days with S. aren't as stressful cause it's beautiful outside. Strange reasoning I know but those depressing winter months made it awful to work with him!

I FINALLY got some good feedback from my photography class. There wasn't enough time to show work but he looked at the stuff I took in CA and said I have a good sense of composition! Yay! My parents said the same thing but they HAVE to be nice! He also said that he thinks once I find my subject (architectural photography, street photography, kids, etc) he thinks i'll really take off! Made me happy! I can't take the second class cause it's this summer and I'm super bust but hopefully I'll be able to take it at some point! I'll post my pics from CA before the weekend is over and put a link here so you all can see!

Almost home! Kamil and I have now decided to go for a short bike ride before Brooklyn and Megan get here! Hopefully will get me back into it but won't wear me out and be bad for my cold!

It's almost Friday! Happy Thursday all!

Stream of Consciousness

2010-04-15T14:38:36Z

S. (my tough kid) had a great morning! It makes the day SO much better when I'm not gettin beat up! Today I made a visual schedule for him. I just drew pictures of th 3 things he needed to do before he could play with me 1:1 (clean up after mornin playtime, go to morning meeting and eat breakfast). I've tried to use visual schedules with him before and it has NEVER worked. I hope that it works in the future and it wasn't just today!

House Hunting

2010-04-13T03:43:17Z

This was a really good, relaxing weekend! Exactly what I needed! After being home in CA I was really craving quiet and calm and manhattan is none of those things. When Kamil mentioned that maybe we joule go visit his mom this weekend on LI I jumped at the chance! It's so relaxing at her house. She has a cute little house that looks like it could be in a Pottery Barn catalog.

On Saturday we had no plans until Kamil mentioned that maybe we should go look at some houses. We are hoping to find a house and plunk down a really big down payment (like 1/3) before we hve to sign another lease in Feb. We only saw one open house and drove by 2 others that weren't having open houses that day. I was so depressed after seeing the open house. This house was going for $375,000 and was a piece of crap! The kitchen was only a little bigger than our kitchen in the city. The layout was weird and it was not big enough!

Now $375,000 is the very top of what we can afford at this point. I guess i should say that it's the top of what w WANT to afford! We don't want to have really high mortgage payments and have to scrape by each month!

That night we went to a bday party of one of Kamil's mom's old friends, Patrick. Patrick is a contractor and had a small house, or so I thought. We pulled up to the house and it's GORGEOUS! and HUGE! Over the past 15 years he and his wife have fixed it up and now it's gorgeous. It gave me hope that someday we can have a house like that.

On Sunday we went to 5 open houses. It was exhausting but it was also a good education. The first house we went to had a LOT of traffic, meaning there were a lot of people looking at the house rather than a lot of cars going by. It was a strange house that didn't really have a dining room and the upstairs was just one huge room. It was very strange. It had a LOT I would change.

We left there and I was still feeling frustrated. Every house we'd gone to, both this trip and the other trips we'd made to look at houses, we'd found crap! We got back in the car and figured out where we were going next. Kamil said the next house was in Huntington Station which parts of it aren't very nice. I told him we didn't have to go if he didn't think it would be a good neighborhood. He said we'd go anyway and boy am I glad he did.

The next house was a Dutch Colonial house (built in 1929) on 1/2 an acre of land for $359,000. It had SO much charm and had been kept up SO beautifully! All original hardwood floors and beautiful crown molding. The kitchen was nice but could definitely be extended and redone if we decided we wanted to do that. It had a full basement and a full attic. So technically it was 4 stories. To me that's huge. We don't have basements or attics in CA.

We saw a few other houses. Once which was terrible and one which was super cute with GREAT lighting but it was too small (only 2 bedrooms).

The last house we went to was SO cute! It was a newer house with 3 bedrooms and an office which is exactly what we needed. The kitchen needed new cabinets and countertops but other than that it was perfect. The only thing was that it had no potential for expanding and NO land. There is barely a backyard for kids to play in.

After Sunday I wasn't as discouraged and actually felt like we might find something. We aren't planning on buying yet and are just looking to get through the wedding (which is 4 months from today!) but in September we will be ready to put down some money and buy a house! It's very exciting!

I have this vision in my head of a beautiful house with the kids running around in the backyard with the dog while I'm in the kitchen, looking out the window at them. Kamil comes into the kitchen and then heads outside to chase the kids and the dog. It's this wonderful vision that I can't get out of my head! It makes me SO excited to get this process started and to make that vision a reality!

This process is going to be a long slow one but I know we can find the perfect house that will be wonderful for our little family! It'll be a place were two little kids can run around and have space. Where a dog can have room to get exercise and were we can entertain and have people over. I can't contain my excitement!

gretchasketch @ 2010-04-04T08:54:00

2010-04-04T15:54:37Z

Vacation is almost over and I can't even begin to explain how much I've needed this! Only problem is that I need about another 2 weeks of it. I'm starting to get anxiety about going back to work and it's only Sunday! I don't have to be back at work till Wednesday!

It has been SO nice to be home! It's amazing how much more laid back it is here. I wish I could move back here! I really really do. I'm really ready to be out of the city and in a more relaxing/quieter place.

I have gotten so much done while home. When I came in on Sunday, I drove down to Ventura where my best friend, Meredith lives and we hung out for a while and just caught up and chatted about life.

On Monday, my mom and I got up and started on our long list of wedding stuff we needed to do while I was here. We went to several places to look for invitations and ribbon for the bouquets and then went to have lunch at my favorite restaurant in SB, Sojourner! They have the most amazing cobb salad that I HAVE to have every time I'm home! We then drove south and went to David's Bridal and I got the stuff for the girls dresses figured out. I needed to see the dresses and I ended up changing the color cause I was able to see a dress close to the one my girls are wearing and like it better in the brighter blue.

We then continued on and were planning to go to paper source to find invitations but stopped off at Michael's quickly and found REALLY cute ones there, so we decided to go with those. Sold! Saved several hundred dollars which makes me happy! I was shocked that I found something there I liked so much. We got SO much important stuff done on Monday.

Shower time for me but I'll continue on with my vacation later.

Happy Easter to you all!

Walking to Work

2010-03-15T21:12:47Z

About a month ago I was walking to work and was a block away. I at least two classes outside of the building and a whole bunch of adults standing around. My first thought was that there had been a fire drill. Then I saw someone on the ground, and I was so confused. As I walked past and into the school I saw that it was a guy on the ground with a huge camera and several people around him. I walked past staring cause I had no idea what was going on. When I got to the door of the school, a few yards away, someone was running after me asking me to sign a consent form since I had just been filmed for an Amex commercial. Awesome!

Later, I had to sign a SAG contract. The commercial is an Amex commercial on Geoffrey Canada who started the Harlem Children Zone schools (where I work). The commercial aired during the Oscars. I wasn't in it but some of my kids were. In the SAG contract they asked me to sign saying that I would donate my earnings, if SAG agreed, to HCZ. I said sure.

Well today I get home and I have a check in the mail for $287! Holy Crap! I got $287 for literally WALKING TO WORK! Fantastic! I'm okay with that!

Here is the commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMZb-9EKbbY&feature=player_embedded

and here is the longer version (the little guy who is shown at 26 seconds is one of the kids in my class. He's a cutie and can never stop touching my arms).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SXVLG67ZpU&feature=player_embedded

Pretty awesome!

Just another day

2010-03-03T22:52:41Z

I am seriously suffering through today. I went home yesterday around noon (supposed to work till 5ish) cause I was feeling awful! I'm SO glad I decided to. I wish I could have taken today off too but it's my long day and there is just too much to do.
9-11 Kid 1
11-12:30 Kid 2
12:45-1:15 Advanced Group
2-4 Kid 1 again
4:15-4:45 Another Advanced Group
6-10 Photography Class

Busy day.

I'm hoping that I wont feel defeated in my photo class tonight. I really feel that I haven't taken any good pictures since I've started the class. I've heard a famous photographer say that you can find great shots if you're looking for them, they have to just fall upon you. I think that's true cause I feel as if I'm searching and it has really hindered me. I am also taking pictures of things and places rather than people (what I feel I'm good at). I have one slight problem though, I don't have anyone to take pictures of here on a weekly basis. I've realized that I really have no friends left here. I have 3 friends in this city and 2 of them I don't see very often cause they are crazy busy. It kind of makes me sad. I think I'm ready to move out of NY. Kamil and I just signed a lease for another year and then I think we'll head out of here to the suburbs, buy a house and start a family.

Anyway, back to photography! I got off track. I think I've realized that what makes me feel so bad in my class is that my teacher is not actually very nice. He's not patient (which you really need to be if you are going to teach), and I feel like if you are going to have a critique you need to say SOMETHING nice rather than ONLY giving criticism. I am good at taking constructive criticism, in fact I welcome it but it kinda hurts when you have NOTHING positive to say.

NOTE: I'm not fishing for compliments here I'm just writing what I have realized.
I think last week, I realized that the only people who tell me that I'm good at photography are my friends and family, who wouldn't really ever say "you suck at this!" They are supposed to tell me I'm good. So when in a class with a "professional photographer" and he doesn't think I'm good it made me question everything! I know it's only one persons opinion but it still crushed me. I feel like I need a good subject so that I can show him that I actually DO have some talent in this area and that I want to build upon it!

What I really need to do is just post pictures and see what you all say. Not that many people respond (most of my lj friends don't use LJ anymore). I would LIKE critique! I would like you to say "I think you should have backed up a little on this shot! I would have liked to see more of the scene." Or "I don't understand what you were going for here. Can you explain it?" I don't know if people will actually comment but I'm going to try to post more pictures if not just for myself. I think it's a good idea!

On a completely unrelated note, I am so tired of working in Harlem. Last year there was a shooting right outside my school and today I walk past the subway (which I would normally take but I was on my way to my Photography class) and there are (I kid you not, cause I counted) 10 cops running in to the subway. About 2 minutes later they came out with a guy and very violently threw him on the back of the car and then threw him INTO the car. Then a fire truck and ambulance showed up after the cop car took the guy away. Totally freaked me out! All I can think is that the guy had a gun and shot someone. It freaks me out and I don't like working in an area that is so unsafe. It really doesn't make me happy!

Bad Day!

2010-02-17T23:04:17Z

It has been one of those days where it feels like EVERYTHING has gone wrong. Maybe I'm just more sensitive and looking out for it but it's been such a shit day. It all started last night when I had trouble uploading my photos to Duane Reade so I could print them out today for my class (that I'm sitting in right now, waiting to start). Duane Reade has NEVER been reliable so when it said that the HP instant printer that I've used in the past on 125th street was temporarily unavailable, I thought "Shit! What do I do now?" I uploaded them anyway, and figured I'd print them out at the Duane Reade on 135th and 8th. It's only 5 blocks and 2 Avenues away from work so I figured I could print them on my break. Let's count the number of things that went wrong when I woke up.

1. Late to work due to the fact that I didn't get to sleep till 1:30 last night cause I couldn't calm down from my frustration!
2. I had to go to a meeting at 11:45 a another site. Z (one of my kids) was out today so I figured I'd just see A all day and see him for fewer hours tomorrow. I was supposed to teach my advanced group from 12:30-1. I get to the other school for the meeting and wait around. It was 12:20 and the meeting STILL hadn't started! I was SO pissed that they wasted my time when I COULD have been seeing A. Not to mention the fact that my supervisor came out of the other meeting and said "ooh I don't think you even need to be here. We're not going to talk about S. since we have to talk about the evaluations." Say WHAT? You told me YESTERDAY in an email that I needed to be there and then you waste my time and tell me "just kidding." SO not cool!
3. Our group went well other than the fact that the copy machine didn't work so I had to improvise and use the fax machine to print out the activity we were doing.
4. I went on my break to print out my pictures. I get to Duane Reade, (after walking 5 blocks and realizing I had the wrong piece of paper). Once I get there I scan my bar code and tell the computer which pictures I want. It then tells me that I can only print 21 pictures! Excuse me? I have over 100 pictures to print and you're telling me I can only do 21? Last time I used the machine at Duane Reade (a different Duane Reade but still the same machine) it was fine. I print the 21 pictures and try again. Then it tells me I can only print 4. Lovely. I got a total of 25 pictures printed. My assignment was to take 30-40 of one subject. Looks like I'm not going to have the assignment. Beyond frustrated!
5. I got back to work late (but luckily the head teacher is totally sympathetic and sweet and didn't mind that I was late). My kid left 30 min early so I went down to the other school where my colleague and I were going to do our 3rd Advanced Group of the week. It's about 3:45 by the time I get down there and we aren't supposed to do our group till 4:15. Turns out they had to practice for a performance they were doing so we couldn't do our group, which throws us off a week with them and the other schools. Of course by this time there wasn't enough time to go home before my class.

So now I'm sitting in class, waiting for it to start and ALL I want to do is GO HOME! I have never wanted a day to end so badly!

Here's hoping tomorrow will be better cause I don't know how much more of this I can take!

gretchasketch @ 2010-02-11T00:18:00

2010-02-11T05:18:14Z

I really like this shot I got today while on my Snowy Walk! Had fun. Will post more pics tomorrow.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gretchasketch/4347430811/

Jumping for Joy!

2010-02-10T03:42:38Z

1. I am SO beyond excited that we get a snow day tomorrow! I've been thinking of taking a day off for a few weeks now just to de-stress! Now I don't have to:) I want to feel productive tomorrow but I'm afraid I'll stay in bed all day and do nothing! Hopefully I'll get SOMETHING done, even if it's just picking up a book and reading a bit, reorganizing some of the bedroom.

2. My tough kid had a horrible day! He choked someone! WHAT? He seriously put his hands around another child's neck and choked him! I wasn't there but was there when his mom picked him up and she was PISSED!!! I have NO idea what is going to happen to him! I'm a little scared for him!

3. I've been somewhat lacking on my 365 project. I forgot another day (monday) and now have to figure out what to put in place of that day, aka. how to cheat!

4. Kamil and I went house hunting this weekend. It was really exciting. We aren't going to move yet but we're thinking in about a year we'll get a house and move out of the city. We'll both still work in the city so I'll be here all the time. But having a house and more space would be really nice! Plus, I want to start having kids soon (crazy, right!). We looked in Huntington and a few other places on LI. I'd, ideally, like to be as close to the city as possible but that might not work if we want a nicer house. We'll see. I was just told about a few cute little towns upstate, Beacon, Cold Spring and Garrison. We are also looking at Jersey.

5. I am SO happy that Lost is back on! I missed it!

6. It's been so long since I updated that I feel like I should have something of some substance to write about, but I don't. Is that sad?