Articles and thoughts like these are hard for me to read quite honestly. I understand the sentiments, at least historically, but they have very different meanings to me now. After having lost everything in a fire (except what was in my bag for a kayak trip) I've had to think a lot about what separates me from folks who haven't experienced that kind of loss, who get to choose or even struggle with what to keep and what to let go-- those who have pictures of their childhood, or their children's childhood, or Christmas ornaments that bring back thoughts of family gatherings, the beautiful needlepoint covering my mother made for my piano bench, the piano my father gave me for my 9th birthday, just a year before he died...the list goes on. I feel more akin to those refugees who've had to pick up suddenly and leave everything for political and safety reasons. But without it all, I seem to still exist (as far as I can tell) and my memories and family relationships survive. I now try (and often fail) to no longer accumulate things with meaning. My relationship with the world and the things in it has fundamentally changed.
Hi Nancy! Yes, you lost all your material possessions in that fire. You do still exist. You must live a before fire life and as after fire life. Now you have gathered a new home and new cars and new books and clothes and furniture and kitchen doo dads. You have new / different possessions but you still have to live with the loss of those irreplaceable treasures. You still have memories but they are grounded in the things that were a part of the original event. You must have a very different take on things than I do.
For similar but different reasons we are both trying not to acquire new possessions. I would love to have a chat about how your relationship with the world and the things in it has changed as result of the fire. It sounds like maybe things are less important now? Was your experience tangible proof that everything is temporary? Does that direct how you live your days?
One item I can't see myself not having: a T-shirt showing the Buddha and his (supposed) quote "let that shit go."
A harsh delivery but true nonetheless. Choose to enjoy things and let them go. Giving them a departure that brings hope, fun, or utility to someone else is my current focus.
I understand your feelings. When I moved to Oregon from CA I suddenly realized that many of the things I had loved just didn't feel like it was a match with the person I was becoming. I gave my daughter first dibs on everything she might want but since she was already established in her own home and our styles are different she took very little other than the photo albums, one of which was hers. I then proceeded to sell or donate almost all of my furniture and other things I didn't want to move. I was amazed that I had no emotional feelings about doing so, even though at one time I had really loved all of it, but that was the old me and the new me wanted different things. I left some things in a small storage shed in San Diego, packed up my car and my cats and my daughter traveled with me to Oregon. Leaving my daughter was the hardest part of my decision but she had lived in CA her whole life and was quite happy there. We had fun on the trip and she was a great support through the whole process. After I had been in Oregon for a short time someone from San Diego was coming here to see family so they brought me the things from my storage unit in their van and I gave them money to go out for a nice dinner here. They were happy with the arrangement and I was too. It was like Christmas unpacking those boxes and confirmed for me that I had made the right choices in what I kept. So now I am in Oregon which I love, very close to the beach which I also love, and have a smaller place I love and feel like I am living in a hug from my house. I know that probably sounds very fanciful but it's true for me. Life sometimes just really surprises one!
Thank you , Penny, for such a thoughtful response. I really like the way you phrased that: "even though I had loved all of it, that was the old me and the new me wanted different things." I think there is an element of that in me right now. A lot of things are left from an earlier version of my self. I may have enjoyed her and enjoyed those things but now I am ready to leave some of that behind. Yes, there is some ache about the letting go of some things but, when I frame it in terms of my own changes, the letting go makes sense. Thank you for giving me that perspective.
I think about this too, Gracie, and wonder how we can help younger people who are struggling with our excess of things.
A friend recently had a gathering where the one condition was everyone had to leave with something, because she's getting older and wants to rid herself of excess stuff.
I live in a traditionally depressed area, so there are some things people do here to help each other out. They take old coats and sweaters to a secondhand store where these are put out under the porch and anyone can help themselves to them.
As well, if we have a house, some people might have furniture they don't want to part with and might appreciate a place to store an item or two. I actually have a few pieces in my place like that.
The hardest are the things that have special memories -- gifts from friends especially. My friends and I don't do gifts anymore. We all have enough and are trying to downsize.
I agree that we can practice generosity when it comes to letting go of things. If I have four coasts, I could give two to the homeless shelter for distribution. I am all about donating books to the Friends of the Library. I am also all about not supporting the oligarchy and just not buying stuff unless I need it.
Moving the first time, separated me from about 1/3 of my possessions. Then we moved again and another chunk was given away and yet so much still exists in boxes. To what end is there so much? Inherited stuff. Kids stuff - although not that much. Even though it feels more of a burden now (I.e, where did I put that?), the accumulation of stuff through the years, I cannot be glib about it. (See Nancy’s comments above.) stuff once seemed important- especially when I once had almost none. But, it means nearly nothing compared to spending time with those I cherish.
I haven't moved in over 40 years so I've not had the chance to weed out things in preparation for a move. And I did not inherit very much from the parents so I don't have that either. There are still a few things in the house that belong to the adult children but, again, not much. I like the idea of weeding out the extra stuff just to have more spaciousness in the house but I also want to leave as little as possible for my kids to have to dispose of. 🤷🏻♀️
Articles and thoughts like these are hard for me to read quite honestly. I understand the sentiments, at least historically, but they have very different meanings to me now. After having lost everything in a fire (except what was in my bag for a kayak trip) I've had to think a lot about what separates me from folks who haven't experienced that kind of loss, who get to choose or even struggle with what to keep and what to let go-- those who have pictures of their childhood, or their children's childhood, or Christmas ornaments that bring back thoughts of family gatherings, the beautiful needlepoint covering my mother made for my piano bench, the piano my father gave me for my 9th birthday, just a year before he died...the list goes on. I feel more akin to those refugees who've had to pick up suddenly and leave everything for political and safety reasons. But without it all, I seem to still exist (as far as I can tell) and my memories and family relationships survive. I now try (and often fail) to no longer accumulate things with meaning. My relationship with the world and the things in it has fundamentally changed.
Hi Nancy! Yes, you lost all your material possessions in that fire. You do still exist. You must live a before fire life and as after fire life. Now you have gathered a new home and new cars and new books and clothes and furniture and kitchen doo dads. You have new / different possessions but you still have to live with the loss of those irreplaceable treasures. You still have memories but they are grounded in the things that were a part of the original event. You must have a very different take on things than I do.
For similar but different reasons we are both trying not to acquire new possessions. I would love to have a chat about how your relationship with the world and the things in it has changed as result of the fire. It sounds like maybe things are less important now? Was your experience tangible proof that everything is temporary? Does that direct how you live your days?
One item I can't see myself not having: a T-shirt showing the Buddha and his (supposed) quote "let that shit go."
A harsh delivery but true nonetheless. Choose to enjoy things and let them go. Giving them a departure that brings hope, fun, or utility to someone else is my current focus.
Yes! I like that idea of sending items that I no longer treasure out into the world for someone else to appreciate. Thanks for chiming in, Dave.
Letting go of items, thoughts and feelings is tough for me
Same here, Michael. I don't plan to ever let go of long time friendships, just so you know. 😍
I understand your feelings. When I moved to Oregon from CA I suddenly realized that many of the things I had loved just didn't feel like it was a match with the person I was becoming. I gave my daughter first dibs on everything she might want but since she was already established in her own home and our styles are different she took very little other than the photo albums, one of which was hers. I then proceeded to sell or donate almost all of my furniture and other things I didn't want to move. I was amazed that I had no emotional feelings about doing so, even though at one time I had really loved all of it, but that was the old me and the new me wanted different things. I left some things in a small storage shed in San Diego, packed up my car and my cats and my daughter traveled with me to Oregon. Leaving my daughter was the hardest part of my decision but she had lived in CA her whole life and was quite happy there. We had fun on the trip and she was a great support through the whole process. After I had been in Oregon for a short time someone from San Diego was coming here to see family so they brought me the things from my storage unit in their van and I gave them money to go out for a nice dinner here. They were happy with the arrangement and I was too. It was like Christmas unpacking those boxes and confirmed for me that I had made the right choices in what I kept. So now I am in Oregon which I love, very close to the beach which I also love, and have a smaller place I love and feel like I am living in a hug from my house. I know that probably sounds very fanciful but it's true for me. Life sometimes just really surprises one!
Thank you , Penny, for such a thoughtful response. I really like the way you phrased that: "even though I had loved all of it, that was the old me and the new me wanted different things." I think there is an element of that in me right now. A lot of things are left from an earlier version of my self. I may have enjoyed her and enjoyed those things but now I am ready to leave some of that behind. Yes, there is some ache about the letting go of some things but, when I frame it in terms of my own changes, the letting go makes sense. Thank you for giving me that perspective.
You are most welcome, we are here to support each other!
I think about this too, Gracie, and wonder how we can help younger people who are struggling with our excess of things.
A friend recently had a gathering where the one condition was everyone had to leave with something, because she's getting older and wants to rid herself of excess stuff.
I live in a traditionally depressed area, so there are some things people do here to help each other out. They take old coats and sweaters to a secondhand store where these are put out under the porch and anyone can help themselves to them.
As well, if we have a house, some people might have furniture they don't want to part with and might appreciate a place to store an item or two. I actually have a few pieces in my place like that.
The hardest are the things that have special memories -- gifts from friends especially. My friends and I don't do gifts anymore. We all have enough and are trying to downsize.
It's a fraught phase of life, for sure.
I agree that we can practice generosity when it comes to letting go of things. If I have four coasts, I could give two to the homeless shelter for distribution. I am all about donating books to the Friends of the Library. I am also all about not supporting the oligarchy and just not buying stuff unless I need it.
All great things to do, Gracie. Thanks for sharing. And best wishes for the festive season, and for 2026.💖 🕊️ 💐
Back at you, Diana!
Moving the first time, separated me from about 1/3 of my possessions. Then we moved again and another chunk was given away and yet so much still exists in boxes. To what end is there so much? Inherited stuff. Kids stuff - although not that much. Even though it feels more of a burden now (I.e, where did I put that?), the accumulation of stuff through the years, I cannot be glib about it. (See Nancy’s comments above.) stuff once seemed important- especially when I once had almost none. But, it means nearly nothing compared to spending time with those I cherish.
I haven't moved in over 40 years so I've not had the chance to weed out things in preparation for a move. And I did not inherit very much from the parents so I don't have that either. There are still a few things in the house that belong to the adult children but, again, not much. I like the idea of weeding out the extra stuff just to have more spaciousness in the house but I also want to leave as little as possible for my kids to have to dispose of. 🤷🏻♀️