Damn the topedoes! Go ahead!

NEW JOURNAL NEW JOURNAL

2009-09-30T20:01:01Z

http://keelhaulin.livejournal.com
Fo College.

HAIKU!
I am in college,
Where the people are crazy.
WATCH ME DESTROY THEM.

Okay maybe not.
Destruction is very bad.
But still, I have dreams.

Commence Operation I Don't Know How To Dance!

2008-12-06T01:36:02Z

In my absence from Livejournal I have done some soul searching and discovered many things about myself, the most important thing being that I love to floss my teeth. Morning, afternoon, and night. And after I wake up from horrible dreams like I did last night where CLAMS STARTED EATING MY FEET. Which is good, because flossing increases your life expectancy by 6 years. HOLD UP. LET ME REPEAT. 6 years. While all of you non-flossers are croaking from a buildup of bacteria that somehow breaks away into your bloodstream and clogs your arteries and kills you, I will be eating pineapples. RAW. With my original teeth.
Maybe flossing all the time is bad for me, like I will floss out my BICUSPIDS or something crazy like that. Everything in moderation, right? I guess it is better than HAVING A METH LAB or SLEEPING WITH MY GOVERNMENT TEACHER which seems to be all the rage at my school as-of-late. Oh Well.
Oyes, I also have to go to a dance. And the adjective to describe my sweet geddup for the event is Hella Tight. Only I don't know how to dance. And being around a lot of people makes me really violent. (I realized this while soul searching a while back.) Because whenever I go to parties, I always end up beating on people. Not in an angry way, but more like a I HATE SOCIAL SITUATIONS I WILL MAKE IT BETTER BY DESTROYING YOUR FACE WITH THIS PLASTIC SWORD/NERF GUN/PINBALL MACHINE. Poo. I am thinking that wearing heels will prevent me from any major ATTACK MODE TRANSFORMATIONS, as they make my calves look too amazing for me to bother finding a makeshift weapon.

HAIKU!
Have you flossed today?
Chances are I have. Three times.
Bow to me, Peasant!

In Which I Come Back

2008-09-02T20:25:19Z

Meet John Quincy Adams, my Guitar. I just call him Quincy for short.
Some of you may be wondering, "Why does she have a guitar? She doesn't even PLAY the guitar! She has no concept of musical theory and does not understand stringed instruments!"
Well, FIE ON YOU! My potential for ROCKSTARDOM was so great that my sheer awesome rent the sky in TWAIN and from that rift flowed a cacophany of sound and light, followed by my dear, dulcet, and delightful, John Quincy Adams.
Seriously so far I can play like, MAJOR CHORDS and next thing you know I will be in a HAIR BAND since that is pretty much the undiscovered goal of EVERYONE.

One fly that remains in the ointment of my life is GETTING INTO COLLEGE. Or even FINDING A COLLEGE I MAY WANT TO GO TO. I have visited a grand total of 1 college my highschool career, and I hated it. But everyone around me is already filling out forms and applying things and so forth, and I am beginning to feel a little unprepared. So today I KICKED DOWN MY COUNSELOR'S DOOR, demanding some sort of form that I can at least PRETEND to fill out while other people are around so I don't look like such a loser, but she wasn't even there. So right now I am floundering.

AT LEAST IT CAN STILL BE HAMMERTIME AT THE THIRD REICH!

Oh wait. I guess not anymore.

HAIKU!
I PLAY THE GUITAR!
IN A ROCKING HAIR BAND, YEAH!
College? HAMMERZEIT!

SUPERADULT

2008-04-14T22:25:16Z

So I am sooooo mature and sophisticated now because I just registered to vote. Even though I am not of voting age, the candidates must BOW AND SCRAPE AT MY FEET NOW to gain my vote. My opinion matters, foo! Give me your money!
Also, I have gotten a job this summer, which I am so sophisticated and mature and ADULTlike for getting because I will be paid and I will be having nothing to do with waiting on others or flipping burgers or cleaning things. NAY. I WILL BE PAID BECAUSE OF MY VAST AND WILLING READINESS TO ABSORB KNOWLEGE AT AN INCREDIBLE RATE.
I just got a job at:
A PARTICLE PHYSICS LAB
Booyah.

Why did I take up such a job? Why would someone so lazy as myself and so full of general malaise towards anything involving the betterment of anything other than myself join a team of scientists to help unlock the secrets of the most fundimental aspects of life itself? The answer, my friends, is SUPERPOWERS

How many normal, meek, and mild-mannered men and women have a little run-in with PARTICLE PHYSICS STUFF and then become amazingly altered and become the superheroes and supervillians we have all come to know and love? A LOT
Like The Hulk. And that one guy in Spiderman that turns into sand. I think his name was SANDY. Only not really. And probably a lot of other people too I just can't think of.
Of course I hope I get a COOL superpower. Here is a list of things
I DO NOT WANT.
-Turning into something lame like sand. Or rocks. Or mud.
-Having SuperHearing and nothing else. Lame. Totally lame.
-Having extra appendages. No more heads or arms please.
-Becoming really hairy in any way.
-Becoming really slimy in any way.
-Becoming really stinky in any way. Although that really isn't a superpower.
-Only breathing underwater, and not being able to breathe above land. (That means you, Aquaman.)
-Anything making me huge, tall, or bulky.

Here is a list of things I would be
TOTALLY COOL WITH
-being superfast
-flying
-controlling things with my mind OH WAIT. I ALREADY DO THAT.
-superstrength but still just having a svelt body. Oooh Yeah.
-breathing underwater and ALSO above water!
-controlling time?
-I can't really think of anything right now...Superintelligence? ALREADY GOT THAT.

Yeah. Pretty much I can't wait. I get paid to get superpowers. YEAH!

Oh yeah in florida </a>
Mr. Pelican. He got all up in my face, but I held my ground, and he gave me props for it. That relationship was all about respect.

Mr. Feaking-Out-Starfish. We had a good chuckle every now and then, but his place was in the sea. Darn my NONABILITY TO BREATHE UNDERWATER AND ALSO ABOVE WATER!

Ms. Lovely-Decorative-Pineapple. She was a bit on the prickly side, but deep down she was sweet. Puns totally intended.

HAIKU!
Hey! I can vote now!
Perhaps I will get powers,
And control you all!

EGGS

2008-03-22T15:49:58Z

Here are the eggs I made. It was hard coloring with a white crayon on a white egg, let me tell you.

And my brother made these. They are either sports related or him related.

So I signed up to save some more lives. As usual.
I am taking independent study Japanese because ~~I am a nerd~~ and I sit in the 2nd year class. And oh man, if one more bad smelling kid calls me "baka-chan" I will stab ALL OF THEM IN THE EYES WITH MY FINGERS. All they do is ask what the meaning of various anime character's names are in Japanese and laugh whenever someone says "Cookies." Like, the teacher will ask how they are doing, and everything will be very quiet, and then a kid in the back will say "Uhh...COOKIES!" and then everyone will just laugh and laugh and laugh and I die a little on the inside.
It is snowing and I am ready for some serious FLOWERS. So WARM UP.

Edit
I just found out that next year school starts 2 days after my birthday. August 13. Shoot me in the face NOW.

HAIKU!
Don't call me baka.
I donate blood to save lives,
but will stab your eyes.

WINKIES

2008-03-08T00:55:53Z

So a new trimester has begun at school and I have found my workload significantly lessened. I have classes that involve no homework/hardly any thinking, and I like it.
I am taking sociology from the most stalkerish man on the planet. His life goal is to get his picture taken with as many famous people as possible. He has photos of himself or his children with various stars posted all over his room, each one is labelled. He has pictures of himself with some pretty important people, and I am sort of impressed as well as creeped out. There have been a few times where he is exhausted during class because he drove all night to go and try and get his picture taken with some star a couple states away.
And I am taking an art class again.

My teacher doesn't really like it, she likes art to be more curvy and to not resemble anything.

(I dont know why it is not going behind a cut. I even copied and pasted from the FAQ thing on links and rar I just wanted to show my Zebra because I am proud of it.)

Our school is putting on the musical Wizard of Oz and since that play/movie was my childhood, I HAD TO SIGN UP. To play the music, not to act. And oh how I play! I am the star of the show, I play all the important parts, Every important song I play the melody, all the important little Doot doots I play as well. I am Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tinman and Lion, as well as the witch theme and flying monkey noises as well as THE WINKIE THEME.
Of course, whenever someone mentions "winkie" I cannot stop laughing. Because "winkie" to me is: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=winkie
And it does not help that the names of the songs we play are "Winkies March With Friends" and "Ding-Dong! the Witch is Dead!"

HAIKU!
I laugh all the time!
I am a twelve year old boy
In my mind at least.

gingitsune3 @ 2008-01-09T12:37:00

2008-01-09T17:39:03Z

Today is so great.
My school is underwater.

In which I save up to 3 lives and get an A+!

2007-12-15T23:27:47Z

So a month ago I decided to donate my blood. I figure the world could really benefit from having a little bit of ME coursing through everyone's veins. SO, for about a week before donating I ate nothing but RAW RED MEAT, SPINACH, CERTAIN CERIALS, A VAREITY OF NUTS, and IRON NAILS to pass the anemia test so I would be able to give.
After passing THE TEST and answering awkward questions about having sex in africa with people who have had a brain transplant in the last 6 months, I took my spot in line and watched everyone who was donating. It was pretty gross.People were throwing up everywhere and fainting. Like, they would stand up and keel over. It was sort of unnerving.
SO WHEN MY TIME CAME I WAS NERVOUS MAYBE. But I got to sit next to my friend, which was cool.
My nurse was not very nice.
She stuck the needle in my arm and left.
BUT SHE STUCK IT IN WRONG. So instead of giving blood, I just had an uncomfortable needle stuck in my arm. Only after my friend had finished giving blood and FAINTED did someone realize that I wasn't doing anything except being in pain.
So they stuck the needle in again.
But my blood clotted, and they had to jiggle the needle around.
It took 32 minutes for me to finish filling the little blood bag, so I was pretty pumped about getting out of there. But I had to hold my arm in the air and hold some gauze on the needle-hole before they could release me.
ONLY I DID SOMETHING WRONG.
While the nurses weren't looking, I put my arm down and removed the gauze, and my blood SPURTED EVERYWHERE.
It was like in a MOVIE. Only grosser, because it was my own blood. I got it all over my sweater. So I quickly put my arm up and didn't say anything.
So when the nurse put my arm down again, I SPURTED ALL OVER AGAIN.
And the nurse yelled, "WE HAVE A GUSHER!" and applied pressure and a bunch of people ran over and put ice on my arm and I was freaking out and bleeding. Blah blah blah it was gross. So they pretty much wrapped my arm up really really REALLY TIGHT and I had a sandwich, and they wanted me to sit in the gymnasium forever but I was like "SCREW THIS I AM OUT OF HERE" and left. Like a rockstar.
They had to close down my station too because I got blood all over the chair and floor.

BUT THEN YESTERDAY I GOT A LITTLE NOTE.
And it was from the Red Cross, and it told me I saved up to three lives, and told me stories about all the people I potentially helped, and they also gave me a little card that says my blood type.
And of course it was
A+.
I am so giving again.

HAIKU!
So I gave some blood,
And I spurted all over!
What an A+ job!

IN WHICH I AM SAVED FROM A COLLISION BY ANOTHER CAR

2007-09-17T21:56:26Z

I drive to school now, in my fancy car that is equipped with lasers and the like, and I park it in the parking lot every morning with love and care.

Usually I stay after school for about 10 minutes to let everyone get out of the parking lot, because I must confess Elkhart does not breed good drivers.

So after waiting the usual 10 minutes, I stepped outside into the sunlight and headed to my car, which as I mentioned before was parked with love and care in the parking lot.

But as I stepped into said parking lot, A CAR CAME OUT OF NOWEHRE! Like a wild beast, it roared as it charged towards me, its windshield glinting in the sunlight, its engine-probably designed for hauling much more than a girl and her backpack revved with pleasure at the sight of a small girl walking in the parking lot before it. It probably had not tasted road kill in days, and was willing to make some.
Of course I was PUMPED WITH ADRENALINE when I saw the car heading towards me, no more then 10 meters away. But just as I started to move, ANOTHER CAR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! ...AGAIN! And it collided right into the bigger car, pushing it off course and stopping it from running into me. It was just like in a progressive auto insurance ad. Only real lives were in danger, including a pedestrian.

And the cops ran around and people freaked out, and then I realised that it was probably me SUPERPOWERS that had caused this accident. Aquaman could call fish to his aid, so I, Autolass, can call cars to my aid? Who knows?

HAIKU!
Car coming at me!
Look out! Here comes another!
It came to my aid.

Trophy-Case, Beware!

2007-08-20T23:46:58Z

Fourth day of school, the hallway is packed. It is humid, because it is packed with bodies that give off the heat of battle! In a lone corner, there stands a trophy case, glimmering in the morning flourescent lighting. Innocently the glass panes sparkle.
And then it happens!
I was standing there, in the hallway, when all of a sudden, there is a commotion! I turn my attention to the fight in time to see someone pushed through the trophy case action movie-style, breaking the glass. And then the world exploded and the police pushed everyone out of the way and had to drag all the bloody people down the hallway past me. One guy even had glass sticking out of his face, it was pretty nasty, especially because he spit blood at people who looked at him. Luckily, no trophies were harmed, because there were none in the case to begin with. But in a matter of minutes after the first wave of battle subsided, another scuffle broke out down the hallway, this time to a dangerously close to a stocked trophy case. And again everyone got sucked into the fight black-hole style, and the police came and dragged some more bloody people around.

And then I had lunch.

By the end of lunch, however, two more fights had broken out.

This year, I have a ton of homework each night, and I am not used to it. It is not very good at all.

Mom made fun of my picture because they were muscular and it looked funny so I guess I will just marry a fat guy because muscles are so hilarous to her. I just like people who are a bit more muscular than me. Because I am a freaking man I guess.

How I Almost Apprehended A Criminal Overseas

2007-07-25T19:03:49Z

Europe was full of dramatic lighting and history and art and of course I enjoyed it. I even almost apprehended a criminal. See...

I was chillaxing in a store in Venice, looking at all the masks and glass stuff, and I see this lady. She looked pretty suspicious just standing there. So I watched her. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pick up a little glass strawberry and put it in her pocket. And she just stood there some more looking at the ceiling like some sort of turkey.
AND RAGE CONSUMED MY SOUL! So I marched up to her and said,
"Excuse me, ma'am."
And then this lady's MOM runs up and says,
"OH NO, WE DON'T WORK HERE!" And she tries to herd her daughter out of the store.

And I was like, Oh ho ho! An accomplice! Only really I was just freaking out.
And I looked at the lady and I looked at her pocket and I said, " I think you have something..."
And she looked at me funny. And I said,
"...IN YOUR POCKETS."
And I sort of stood looking at her pants awkwardly for a really long time in silence. And she said,
"WHAT?" and I said,
"Your pockets."
"What?"
"..Pockets." And I sort of sighed a bit. And then I explained to her what she had done, as if she didn't know already.

And then she flipped out on me, and pulled money out of her pockets and followed me around yelling, "ALL I HAVE IS COINS AND MY WALLET! COINS AND WALLET! RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" And I wish I could of thought of something cool and smooth to say back to her to make her feel really bad, but mostly I just hid in the corner. I should have gone kung foo on her. Because what is a better place to go KUNG FOO on someone that a small crammed glass shop?
Oh well.

HAIKU!
I saw you take that!
Get back here, you criminal,
So I may whoop you.

FOREIGN DIGNITARIES

2007-06-21T19:47:41Z

IN A FEW DAYS I AM FLYING OFF TO BE AN INTERNATIONAL WOMAN OF MYSTERY. I WILL MEET WITH FOREIGN DIGNITARIES AND TRAVEL WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.

HOW DO YOU SAY, "MAY I TAKE A SHOWER" IN FRENCH? BTW.

I get to travel and travel and travel to exciting and exotic locations and bask in the interesting and new cultures of the mediterranean and not sleep much and make good impressions on the People of Eurp. BUT.

I hate planes. Nerves are consuming my SOUL.

HAIKU!
I hate planes a lot.
I can't speak French at all, so-
This might suck a bit.

In which I actually save a life. For real.

2007-06-09T01:16:53Z

My neighborhood is generally a quiet place, with trees that cast their shade over the well-kept yards and gardens of the aging denizens of the block. But around every corner there lurks the off chance that SOMETHING TERRIBLE COULD HAPPEN.

So on this bright day, I was maneuvering some heavy machinery using my feet (driving a car) and listening to some smoof jazz, when I see this thing on the road. And I was like, asessing the situation and thinking ahead and I realized what lay before me was not a shoe as I had first suspected, it was indeed a FOR REAL TURTLE.
A FOR REAL TURTLE is a turtle that acts turtle-like. In acting turtle-like I mean not skiddering quickly out of the way of oncoming traffic and instead chillaxing in the warmth of the road.
And I was like, "HOLD UP! IF MY YOUNG AND YOUTHFULL VISION MISTOOK THIS TURTLE FOR A SHOE, OLD PEOPLE DEFINATELY WOULD." But they would not realise it was indeed a for-real turtle until it was TOO LATE.

SO I SPRUNG FROM MY CAR. Actually, I stopped it. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! And I grabbed my turtle buddy and carried him gently and placed him in a yard. And when I set him down, he turned to me and thanked me.

AsI returned to my vehicle, a woman and her car came RACING PAST, and I knew that she was not paying attention to the fact that their might have been a turtle there. If I had been The Mighty Hulk I would have Hulk-Smached her car to teach her a lesson about observing residential speed limits and turtles and young girls crossing the street to their cars, but I am not the Hulk. Alas.

HAIKU!
I SAVED A TURLE!
What a good person I am!
HULK SMASH! All the way!

Science Super Awesome Go!

2007-05-21T00:43:49Z

Tomorrow I will transform into the great scientist that I am deep down inside, and finally start my chemistry project that is due on wednesday. Chemistry is not my forte per se, but I have found a new area of interest. My new area of awesome is GRAHAM CRACKERS.
I was munching on one of my favorite snacks, when I thought to myself, What is the difference between a graham cracker and a normal cracker?
I mean, I can list a few differences right off the top of my head:
1) they taste better
2) they are more pleasing to the stomach
3) they don't make my mouth all dry and funky
4) they don't make me go blind
So I Wikipedia'd it. And I found out that Graham Crackers are some pretty crazy stuff man. They are probably the reason why I shower daily and am not in a carnival. Also, I am sure that the graham crackers have given me the intense mind-powers that I have developed. Maybe in a few more years of eating graham crackers I will solve all sorts of life's mysteries. Maybe, I will be able to pull the forces of nature and time around me like a comfortable blanket and blow life into a new galaxy filled with showers and graham crackers and love and happiness. Everyone is invited. Unless you are not cool.

HAIKU!
Chemisty Project!
Will I create galaxies?
Tune in and find out!

ROCKcandy

2007-04-08T22:57:44Z

Really in all honesty I am pumped to go back to school for one reason and one reason only.
ROCK CANDY.

ROCK CANDY really came into my life a few Thursdays ago when instead of being in school I was chillaxing in the MALL with a couple of my buddies. Don't worry, it was perfectly legal because I have a license to chillax anytime, anywhere.
So I was walking around with my friend and we come upon the candy store, and I say unto her, "I NEED SOME CANDY, STAT."
And she concurred. So in our concurrence, we strode into the candy store, and there, shimmering in the light given off by the suburban moms and mall walkers that frequented the mall during school hours, was rock candy.
ROCK CANDY THE SIZE OF YOUR HEAD.
So I bought some and lah de dah.

My friend and I decided since we were both in chemistry class and were both master chefs, we should make some rock candy of our own. So we heated some water and made a syrup and dyed it blue for good measure, and set it out. With little strings dangling from a makeshift string-dangler that we made. And I do not know the outcome of our conjoined genius yet. But I shall find out TOMORROW. Oh I cannot wait.

HAIKU!
Rock Candy, OH YEAH!
Real Rockstars eat Rock Candy.
It is what we do.

HAIKU!*
So yeah, I'm tired.
Like a koala I sleep.
Nothing Can Get Done.

*I was in such a koala-stupor, I could not even tippety-type out a haiku, or count syllables or anything. How tragic.

AMP'D

2007-03-19T20:24:35Z

I sleep around 11 hours a day. That is one half of a Koala.
43% of my day is spent in bed.
4015 hours a year. 167 straight WORD TO YOUR MOTHER days of sleeping a year.

CURSESCURSESCURSESCURSESCURSES

Mind Opening Horizons!

2007-02-14T00:54:42Z

Okay, NO MORE LIES. Facebook, Real Name, HERE I COME.

I recall in my earlier years puzzling over a certain article of clothing. I always figured, What is its purpose? and Gosh Darn It, WHY would anyone wear one?
Up until two days ago I kept those opinions in my head, steadfast on what I believed, even though I had in my own closet one of these strange garments. I never wore it. Sometimes I looked at it and ran my fingers through its strange, bath-towel-like surface, thinking Why would anyone think I would find this useful?
Once again during Christmas, this strange creation of man surfaced in my peaceful existance and again, I was struck with the same thoughts. It certainly was not a rare article, for I had seen them on my own parents, as well as some of my favorite cartoon characters as they sat in their chairs smoking pipes and pondering the murders of so and so. Up until two days ago, I found no purpose for the Common Robe
Now I have found out why this strange phenomenon has swept the world with its soft, caressing fluffiness. I have found that it is comfortable. It is comfortable in the way that snuggling up with a big fluffy rabbit is comfortable. It is comfortable the way that laying down for a nap surrounded by kitties and soft pillow after taking a warm shower is comfortable.
Why did I not find this out sooner? Because I was too narrow-minded, and also had footie pajamas to deal with. Robe+Footie Pajamas=Double the Madness.
So everyone, try something new. Wear a bathrobe. But over pajamas. Nude+Robe=Not as made as Footie Pajamas, but a lot grosser.

HAIKU!
Oh Goodness Gracious!
How very soft and Comfy!
Robes are amazing!*

*Robes are not amazing when you are nekkid underneath.

BUY MY STUFF only not.

2007-02-07T00:42:48Z

The kid who lives across the street from me, the one I punched in the face in eighth grade, the one who stole my starfish and owes me $150 is under arrest for stealing a couple thousand dollars worth of firearms. And possesion of alcohol. And being an overall stupid and worthless sack of skin and bones. And his stepmom is under arrest for embezzlin' some money from the country club ooh la la. Embezzling is such a great word, and I want to use it in a sentence along with BEADAZZLE. Because I would totally embezzle and beadazzle, if I had an embezzling/beadazzling machine. I should make one.

scenario time:
You wake up at 3 in the morning and can't get back to sleep. You sneak downstairs. You turn on the television, and flip through the channels. At the very end of your search when you are tired and kinda cold from sitting and not being under the covers, you enter the grotto of really dumb channels that no one watches unless sick, or awake at 3 in the morning. And you see these lovely ladies:

And they are advertising my genius creation, the Embeadazzling Machine. Ready to siphon money and give your wardrobe a little extra shimmy shiny shine! I would buy it.

Two days off because of the FRIGID ARCTIC WEATHER.
And two hour delay tomorrow.
I am liking this.
I made spinach au gratin. au gratin here means, "Covered with cheese" Which is akin to the school lunch's motto, "If it is old, cover it with cheese and serve it anyways."
My spinach au gratin is so much above school lunch, I get a nosebleed thinking about it. Hot dang. I am so amazing. Really, no point this entry has. But really, nothing has been going down.

~~PS THE DOCTOR SAYS I HAVE A TAIL SO I GUESS I AM A DEMON CHILD NOW AH.~~

PS TO AMY
I wrote some opera on Finale. Keith the Pirate is alive. So far, I have FIGHTING EVILDOERS THEME and the I AM PENSIVE OR MAYBE STOMACH-ACHEY THEME. It is pretty rad. I dunno, but I want to get it to you. It has VIOLIN and PIANO so YOU CAN PLAY IT with a piano person, or another violin and cello person I guess...I dunno whatev. But I dont know how to send it or put it anywheres. SO WHATEV. I GOT A THEME AND IT IS RAD.

HAIKU!
Woah! No school at all!
Thank you frigid temp'rature!
Embeadazzlin' time!

Criminal Aura?

2007-01-16T22:47:50Z

This thing. I am given a letter and I am supposed to write 10 things that start with the letter and then tag people. I am not into tagging, so if you want a letter, go ahead and ask.

Cooking
Cooking puts me in the zen. Everything bad that happens goes away when I cook: homework, grammar, oncoming nuclear annihiliation, the stickers on banana peels. . .

Conserving Energy
This is my way of saying taking many naps or

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<sitting [...] out.') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<lj-cut text="C is what I like">
This thing. I am given a letter and I am supposed to write 10 things that start with the letter and then tag people. I am not into tagging, so if you want a letter, go ahead and ask.

Cooking
Cooking puts me in the zen. Everything bad that happens goes away when I cook: homework, grammar, oncoming nuclear annihiliation, the stickers on banana peels. . .

Conserving Energy
This is my way of saying taking many naps or <sitting around and not doing anything except maybe spacing out.

Copper
I want my roof to be made out of this delightful metal, and there is nothing you can do about it, because it is my, and hopefully some of my eccentric billionare husband's, money that I will be blowing on it, not yours.

Colors
It took me forever to learn my alphabet, read, and write, but I was the only one in Kindergarten who would describe something as Mauve or Pumpkin.

Caffiene
I need it. I don't drink coffee. I drink tea. In the morning to come alive. So I don't fall asleep on the way to school, which would be dangerous, since I won't be relying on the bus so much anymore, and will be driving myself.

Clean
Man oh man I really appreciate a clean everything. Clean animals, clean sheets, clean conscience, clean teeth. In fact, any noun with clean in front of it is a good thing.

Carbonated Water
It tastes like crap. It hurts to drink. But for some reason I really like it. It is like, the closest thing to drinking Windex without experiencing adverse effects.

China
It is big and it is going to take over the world. And it knows how to make a cute Olympic mascot.

Copernicus
This dude's name was on a spelling list in third grade. It took me four weeks to finally pass that thing. But oddly enough, Copernicus was one of the only things I could spell on it.

Circles
Circles and curly things never cease to make me feel happy.
</lj-cut>

I have come to conclude that I must have some sort of criminal auraabout me, because I have been in pseudotrouble with THE LAW like a bazillion times in the past week or so.

It all began before break, and I was sitting on the bus looking like a criminal.
Well, mostly I was probably looking cold. But lo and behold! a cop car! The bus driver pulled over when we were barraged by flickering red and blue lights, and let two burley policemen on board. They asked her, between their mustaches, to kindly point out whoever got on the stop at Birch Road.
I get on that stop! Along with a few others. But the police came charging up to me, and I was too stuck in the seat by my criminal coat and my criminal backpack and my criminal oboe that I play with at charity functions for old people like a criminal, and a body to get out of the way. And just like in the movies they went good cop and bad cop on me, asking a question politely one moment and then beating the crap out of me the next. Only not really. They just asked me for some identification young lady, and also asked me what in God's name was I doing on the night of blank and what my parent's names were and how many toes I had, what my favorite color was and were did I get my hair done.

After all of that interrogation, I was so very tired. BUT IT DID NOT STOP THERE

A few days ago, they called! But not for follow up questions. They were asking for donations. In his hurry to ask for money, he neglected to ask if I was the adult in the house. I can't blame him, since I sound so very matureand knowlegeable and whatnot. But after asking if I would be interested in a $50 or $75 dollar whatever, he sensed my criminal aura! All of a sudden, he tensed up and asked me if I was the lady of the house. After I said, no, she was not home at the moment, he went all good cop, bad cop on me, only sans good cop. He lectured me about giving out false information and said I was a criminal and could get my parents in big trouble and then he beat me up.
Darn me and my aura! I should see a psychic. Maybe I am like, Bonny and Clyde reincarnate.

HAIKU!
Things were going great,
Then all of a sudden, COPS!
Is it my aura?

Nusstorte

2007-01-08T21:37:13Z

Mostly today I realized I don't understand logarithms and I can't balance chemical equations and I might just be allergic to Neutrogena Body Wash.
I made some New Year's Resolutions that are:
-Understand Logarithms and Chemical Equations
-Stop putting sugar in tea
-Stop being allergic to stupid things
So far I have only stopped putting sugar in my tea, but I don't see how it is going to make me a better person.

I have also come to conclude that Kafka really wasn't all that great of a writer.
Now I am going to crawl into my room and fail some more. Or maybe I will find a recipe that will incorporate hazelnuts. Muchos Decisiones for the New Year yay.

HAIKU!
I need sleep. Pronto!
Is it only Monday now?
Someone please shoot me.

In Which I Am Daring

2006-12-07T16:55:55Z

Alternate titles include: In Which I am Clever, Brave, and Charming; In Which I Defy Everything and Everyone; In Which I Get Some Exercise

This morning, today held within its dark, yet snowy grasp, the promise of being GREAT. We were expecting LOADS of SNOW, No Homework, And A HALF DAY. So at school I eagerly awaited the 10 o'clock bell, signalling our release into the world again. I jogged to the bus with the snow and joy of the world swirling all about me, ready to go home and have something good to eat, and maybe start on my Chemistry Children's Book, but probably just take a nap.

I was dropped off at my house, and I strode to the door, my key in hand.
But as I readied myself to put the key in the lock, I stopped.
Because I totally forgot we changed the locks and in my hand, I held the old lock's key.

I did not panic, but it was really cold outside, and we are expecting 8 inches of snow for gawdsakeman. So I got my cellphone, which mumsey told me to only use during Times Of Emergency and dialed her number.

But what was this?
A Busy Tone?!
I dialed again
A BUSY TONE!
I dialed my friends that were already out of school, but they were too busy playing a MMORPG that they too gave a BUSY TONE!Those darn NERDS
The neighbors were not home, and I looked at my bag that I had set beside me to get my cellphone out of, and it was already covered in snow.
So I decided to take a walk.
I walked to my brother's elementary school, because he has a key that works. So I walked to the school.
I strode into the office, and brushed off all of the snow that had accumulated on my shoulders, and asked if I could be shown where Mrs. Cantzler's Room Was Please.
And the ladies in the office just sort of stared at me.
And I was like,
I walked here. I need a key to my house.
So they pointed me to the PORTABLE CLASSROOM OUTSIDE, and I had to search for it. In the Snow.
So I went in, and all of my brother's bratty little classmates asked a lot of questions, I got the key, walked back home, and took off my pants.

It took an hour to get into my house, and it is good to be home.

PLAMYDIA

2006-11-14T01:25:02Z

It all began a few dayz ago, meaning actually a few weeks ago. I have a locker.
And I use it.
But there is this girl who is round and shiney, and her friend has the locker next to mine.
So Miss Shiney likes to chillax around my locker. And I don't mind this, except for the fact that Miss Shiney talks to me.
On most occasions, I don't mind when strangers talk to me. I mean, it comes with the package of being amazing. But Miss Shiney goes to far.
One day, I was in a hurry to get my stuff, and Miss Shiney throws a pencil at me and says, "PSST. Do you know what PLAMYDIA is?"
And me, being the kind soul I am, say "No."
And then she went all creepy on me.
Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she began breathing really deep and from the depths of her being she goes "Wha-a-a-a-aT?" and I was really taken aback. And then she began yelling at me.
I was like, "Look honey bunches, I bet you are trying to say Clamydia but can't, because you are so amazingly shiney." But I didn't actually say that. Instead she was like, "WHAT IF YOU HAD PLAMYDIA? WHAT WOULD YOU DO??" And then I really did actually say "I WOULD KILL YOU!" Only I said it in a really tiny voice, because she began frothing at the mouth and I felt like I had to throw up.

Now I have new classes, and I figured, HEY NOW I WONT SEE MISS SHINEY ANYMORE.
But she is in my health class. And maybe she will learn what PCHLAMYDIA is now.

OHYES
This is my new watch:

you can't see it, But it is Mao, and he waves whenever the second hand moves. Pretty sweet, except am allergic to communists.

I will be driving to school as well TOMORROW. Because well, I am AMAZING.

HAIKU!
What? Plamydia?
What are you smoking, girly?
Mao! Engage attack!

Half of the Time We're Gone

2006-10-31T21:41:05Z

I got tired of people being jerks so I am doing something about it.
Keith Hoover, you now have a COMPLAINT ON FILE.
And next Oboe-Lesson/Character-bashing session, I am recording everything mean he says to me via the shiny dictaphone I found.
Because no one calls me stupid and or ugly and gets away with it.

But mostly what has been happening is good.
Well, most of what has happened has been made good.
First Chair Oboe,babay.
Just because I rock.
Also I rock because today I performed great feats of physical strength and then was given awards and then I amazed people with my knowlege of Palindromes and not-spelling and ancient conquerors.
And I think everything is going to go UPWARD and not so much DOWNWARD from now on. Because I am smoothing out and everything is all roses. Tomorrow I take a driving test and Thursday my parents are off to China, and I hope I hope I hope they have a safe trip.
Yeah for jellyfish.
Yeah for Oboe.
Yeah for Halloween.
Yeah for Parliament and Email.

HAIKU!
You know what, people?
I am tired of you now.
Prepare to blow up.

I need some JIMI HENDRIX?

2006-10-09T22:49:51Z

You Are Romanticism

You are likely to see the world as it should be, not as it is.
You prefer to celebrate the great things people do... not the horrors they're capable of.
For you, there is nothing more inspiring than a great hero.
You believe that great art reflects the artist's imagination and true ideals.

What Art Movement Are You?

So I was sitting in class, getting 100%s on my math tests and whatnot, when THE FIRE ALARM GOES OFF.
AGAIN.
See, people these days think it is fun to disturb my time of shining awesomeness and make me walk with the common people into the gross nasty outside. So I go outside, then I go back inside, and sit down and you know, do quantam physics.
But then it starts smelling like Christmas. Kinda like cinnamon and joy, you know? And I am full of yuletide cheer as I walk around and shed light upon the lives of the downtrodden/repressed citizens of CENTRAL HIGH.
But then it turns out that the source of cinnamon and joy smell is really just THE GIRL'S BATHROOM ON FIRE. Onnanokootearaidesuyo. ON FIRE.
So I have come to the conclusing that Christmas smells like flaming poo. Only not really.

The problem with the flaming poo was that um, THE FIRE ALARM THIS TIME DID NOT GO OFF.
Because our fire alarms are like, "You thought!" and we were like, "Oh Noes, We is gunna burn! Why didn't yous go off?" and the fire alarm was like, "Uh, nuh uh, girly, you kept on pushing me and nows you're going to learn a lesson and be BURNED TO THE GROUND and all because of FLAMING POO"
But luckily we did not burn to the ground, so I am pleased.
ONLY A FEW DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN.

HAIKU!
You thought we would burn.
But we did not, THANKFULLY.
Darn you, Flaming Poo.

IN THE GORD

2006-09-13T20:12:54Z

Today I was told my eyes were like Microsoft Screensavers, like they went on forever, which I suppose is like saying my eyes are like Limpid Pools, only cooler.

Today the Army National Guard came to my gym class to whoop us into shape. I was expecting to be kicked and was ready to DROP AND GIVE YOU 20, SOLDIER but instead we climbed A ROCKWALL which of course I totally kicked butt at. Because I mean, come on, Rocks and Walls ain't got nothing on me. I, for instance, can feel joy and love, whereas rocks are cold an emotionless. Human:1, Rockwall:0
Since our BUTTS WERE LIKE PLAY-DO and WE WERE A SORRY BUNCH OF WUSSIES, we had to do some drills. I am really hoping since we are going through the whole,Secret Army Training, (The SATs, to be short)that they will teach us how to drive a tank. I REALLY want to drive a tank.
With a tank, I don't have to worry about ANYTHING. I mean, NOT EVEN BOMBS YAY. They probably guzzle gas like NOTHING ELSE but I could deal, since the world would be my parking space.

HAIKU!
So the Army came,
To whoop our butts into shape.
Can I drive the tank?