The theme of the night was 80's Prom Night, so we all got appropriately decked out:



Here I am, getting my 80's on.



Mike on bass.




Ryan on lead guitar and vocals.




Rich on rhythm guitar.




Merv on drums.







Tell me: how do you people with hair get anything done without like, just sweating all day?

With every new season of tv, there seems to be a spat of "Hey, I know that person from somewhere"-itis. For this fall in particular, there seems to be a whole host of tv shows who have decided to cast actors from The Wire, which just so happens to be one of my all-time favorite tv shows. Here's a list of who I've happened to notice, so far:

-James Ransome, aka Chester "Ziggy" Sobotka, had a starring role as Cpl. Josh Ray Person in the HBO Miniseries Generation Kill.

-Chris Bauer, who played Ziggy's pop, Frank Sobotka, is Andy Bellefleur on True Blood.

-Lance Reddick, who was the commanding officer of the Major Crimes Unit, Lt. Cedric Daniels, popped up a few times on LOST as the mysterious Matthew Abbadon, and is currently playing Broyles on Fringe.

-Clarke Peters, as the incredibly smooth Detective Lester Freamon, had a cameo in the US import of Life On Mars as Sam Tyler's boss in 2008, Captain Bellow.

-Pablo Schrieber, who played Nick Sobotka, will also be appearing on Life On Mars in a guest role as Trent, in an episode that I'm assuming will follow the UK original, as he's playing a character which was directly from the second episode of that show.

-Tristan Wilds, who played Michael Lee, who in a show chock-full of well-plotted story arcs, had one of the series' best, is now doing time on 90210, as Dixon Wilson.

-Glynn Turman, as Mayor Clarence Royce, stopped by Cold Case last month as Al Towert.

-Amy Ryan, who was Officer Beadie Russell, is currently enduring Michael Scott's antics as HR rep Holly Flax on The Office.

-Jamie Hector, who played the ever-elusive drug kingpin Marlo Stanfield, is terrorizing Peter and Claire and the gang over on Heroes as Villain Benjamin Knox.

-Also on Heroes, Bubbles himself, Andre Royo, will be appearing as Villain Stephen Canfield.

-Robert Wisdom, who played Major Howard "Bunny" Colvin, is set to appear later this season on Supernatural as Uriel, an angel.

-Benjamin Busch, who appeared as the always hot-tempered Officer Colicchio, also was in Generation Kill, as Major Todd Eckloff.

-Rapper Method Man, who was Cheese Wagstaff, was Valentine on Burn Notice, and also has a recurring role on CSI as Drops.

-Callie Thorne, as Elena McNulty, ex-wife to Det. Jimmy McNulty, had a recurring role on Prison Break as Pam Mahone. She was also Crazy Sheila on Rescue Me.

Phew!

You provide the beer, we provide the drunken good times. (The above is my band. I'm the one dressed like a refugee from a 1980's Richard Simmons workout tape).

As good as The Dark Knight was, I didn't enjoy it as much as I did WALL-E. There, I said it.

Can you please put up the last two episodes of The Wire now? Please? Pretty please?

No?

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

Sorry I've been absent lately. Me and God are watching Scotty grow. Don't worry, we're watering him daily. And there's airholes, so he can breathe.

Seriously though, "BRLFQ spells 'Mom and Dad,' Well that ain't too bad..."? Really? Cause, I mean, honestly, that's pretty bad. That's about as far away from "Mom and Dad" as you can get. I suppose "Watching My Idiot Son" didn't have quite the same ring to it.

I'm in love with a tv show. This love is as real and true and pure as that between a man and a woman, or a man and cow, or a man and Tom Brady. What makes this one different than all those though, is that a tv show cannot reciprocate your love, no matter how much you think it is. It will always be an unrequited love.

That minor disappointment aside, The Wire is back and I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it. Love, love, love, love, love, love. In fact, it's one of those shows that, when it's coming back on, I'm like, "Eh, I don't know if I feel like watching it. I couldn't possibly like it as much as I used to rant and rave about it. I must have been completely wro--OHMYGOD BUNK! It's BUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And just like that, I've fallen into old familiar patterns. I've already started emailing The Wire all day long, and fretting when it doesn't email me back. It's a bit ridiculous, but what can I do? I'm in LOVE.

Those of you who watch the show know. Those who don't, you won't understand. And that's okay. I'm not going to try and convince anyone to watch it this time around. I will say the following though, having worked in the news media industry, they pretty much nailed the habits, tics, and attitudes of news reporters in this first episode of the season. The discussion over the proper use of the word "evacuate"? Spot on, mate.

LOVE.

The following are the movies that I saw, whether theatrically or via dvd or tv or whatnot, in 2007:

Reno 911!: Miami
Zodiac
300
Blades Of Glory
Grindhouse
Hot Fuzz
The Condemned
Spider-Man 3
28 Weeks Later
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Knocked Up
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Black Sheep
Live Free Or Die Hard
Ratatouille
Transformers
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Simpsons Movie
Hot Rod
Superbad
The Brothers Solomon
3:10 To Yuma
Resident Evil: Extinction
30 Days Of Night
No Country For Old Men
The Mist
I Am Legend

Grand Total: 27 movies.

Now then, some superlatives:

Best Overall Moviegoing Experience: Grindhouse. Those who missed this in the theater really missed out on something special. The separate DVD releases of Planet Terror and Death Proof was, unequivocally, a colossal mistake. Oh, and that brings me to my first dvd-related category.

Most Disturbing Trend In DVD Releases: Non-Theatrical DVD Releases. I can't speak for anyone else here, only myself, but I'm really irritated when a movie comes out on DVD in altered form than how it was released in the theaters. Grindhouse gets broken up into its two main features, losing the majority of the fake trailers strewn about the films and gaining supposedly enticing "bonus footage," all of which is barely noticeable in Planet Terror's case, and completely bloated and excessive in Death Proof's case. Judd Apatow is also incredibly guilty of this, adding in some cases 30 more minutes of footage to already bordering-on-overlong comedies like The 40-Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad. There's a reason those scenes were cut in the first place, Judd...they're not very funny. It wouldn't be that bad if they released the theatrical cut along with the unrated versions, but if they're getting released, I can't find them anywhere.

Speaking of Judd...

Best Funny Movie I Have No Desire To Ever See Again Due To The Fact That I Know I Will Not Find It Funny A Second Time: Knocked Up.

Best Funny Movies I Have No Desire To Ever See Again Due To The Fact That I Saw Them Both On Dates With A Girl Who Then Broke Up With Me, Thus Ruining Said Movies For Me, The Bitch: Hot Rod and Superbad.

Best Use of Bill Hader: Saturday Night Live funnyman Bill Hader (of Laser Cats fame) was in apparently every single movie I saw this year. Well, maybe not EVERY movie, but he was definitely in Knocked Up, Hot Rod, Superbad, and Brothers Solomon. And the best useage of Bill Hader was in...Brothers Solomon! Look for him, he's the recumbant biker, and his brief moment onscreen is a giddy highlight.

Best Bang For The Summer Buck: Transformers. I don't care what all the Transformers nerds say, this movie fucking rocked.

Most Enjoyable Sequel To A Crappy Previous Installment: Resident Evil: Extinction. Who'd have guessed? I mean, it would have had to have been pretty godawful not to be better than the second Resident Evil movie, but I actually found myself enjoying it.

Least Enjoyable Sequel To A Non-Crappy Previous Installment: Spider-Man 3. Here's the thing I don't get, a lot of people I know who complained about Transformers REALLY liked Spider-Man 3. At the time, I had this to say about Spider-Man 3, and it still holds true: there were moments during this movie that I was certain, CERTAIN, it was literally never going to end. Unfocused, poorly thought-out, and not in the least bit engaging.

Best Movie Based On A Book That I've Read: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Except for Helena Bonham-Carter. She's terrible. I'm not exactly sure when she stopped being a good actress. For some reason, I want to lay the blame at Tim Burton's feet. Remember when she was in like, A Room With A View, and Howard's End? So when did this descent into suck start? Fight Club? Planet of the Apes? I'll let you all decide for yourselves. Nowadays, she's only good when she's doing voiceovers, like in The Corpse Bride or Wallace and Gromit. God she's awful in this.

Worst Movie Based On A Book That I Haven't Read: No Country For Old Men. Not since The English Patient have I seen so many critics fall over themselves to praise a movie that I just didn't think was really all that good. Well, okay, I guess since Sideways. But, before anyone jumps down my throat, here's my stance on No Country For Old Men: it's wonderfully acted. Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, and Kelly MacDonald do terrific jobs with their roles. It is capably directed. It looks beautiful. It is nicely taut, nicely tense. But then, okay. It's moving along, and I'm pretty riveted, and then with about fifteen-twenty minutes left, it's as if the Coen Brothers decided to stop writing, and turn what's left of the script over to Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. A full month later, and I'm still going, "WTF?!?"

The "Boy Is There Egg On My Face" Award: To Thomas Jane's character in The Mist.

Turn Off Your Brain And Go With It, And It's Actually Quite Enjoyable: (tie) Live Free Or Die Hard, The Condemned.

The Script Accidentally Printed Out Caps-Locked: 300. Also, shut up, Faramir.

Most Disappointing Movie Based On What Seems Like A Can't-Miss Premise: Black Sheep.

You know what, I'm just realizing this now, but I think Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix may have been my favorite movie of the year. Go figure.

Happy Christmas to you all, to those who celebrate, and to those who don't, enjoy your Tuesday, heathens!

Now then, with that out of the way, it's time to tackle one particular Christmas evil head-on, in the only way I know how: to write about it in a bitter fashion.

When the Beatles broke up, rock critics everywhere were quick to pounce on Paul McCartney's albums and singles, rather unfairly, in my opinion (don't worry, I'll get to how this all ties into Christmas eventually). For example, I have read more than one review of Paul's album Ram from the time period that have made me wonder if the reviewer and I are listening to the same album. I believe Rolling Stone magazine originally gave it something like no stars. No stars to an album that includes "Dear Boy," "Ram On," "Heart Of The Country," "Monkberry Moon Delight," "Too Many People," "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey," and "Backseat Of My Car," one of Paul's very best songs, and that includes his tenure with the Beatles. It is of my opinion that Rolling Stone was on crack when they reviewed the album. But that's beside the point now, as time has looked back upon Paul's career with much more warmth than I'm sure he anticipated after the critical drubbings that met his first few solo albums and Wings efforts. For those of you who have never dared delve into McCartney's solo/Wings years, I can assure you that they're well worth sifting through. Every album has at least one or two songs due for rediscovery and praise, even such maligned efforts as 1971's Wings Wild Life or 1984's Give My Regards To Broad St. In recent years, McCartney has even managed a sustained artistic comeback, with his latest album, Memory Almost Full, being chock full of genuinely terrific compositions.

I like Paul. How can I not? How can I feel anything other than love and gratitude for a man who brought so many wonderful moments of music into my life and the lives of countless others? What would give me the right to say anything negative at all about him? To do so would seem petty and churlish.

Well, except, there is that one thing. That one undeniable black hole of suck, from which nothing good musically can escape. I'm talking of Paul's Christmas song, "Wonderful Christmastime."

Those of you who know the song most likely feel the same way I do: whenever someone brings it up, you find it impossible to hold your tongue. "I HATE that song!" "That is one of the worst things ever foisted upon humanity at any given point in the history of mankind." "When I hear this song, I understand how people snap during the holiday season."

Those of you who have never heard it before, I cannot impress upon you just how godawful a song it is. Imagine the most irritating noise you've ever heard, then have it play on a loop for 4 minutes. Then, over the irritating noise, sing "simply having a wonderful Christmastime" over and over and over and over again. Then gouge your eardrums out with a waterpik. Have yourself a good cry. Then get on with your life.

I know that Paul was and probably still is a fan of the marijuana leaf. But, seriously, how effing stoned do you really need to be to not notice how insufferable this song is? It is the only song I can think of that has ever made me leave a store due to its awfulness. "Wonderful Christmastime" is the Star Wars Holiday Special of Christmas music. And that's really all I have to say about that. Thank you, God bless, and have yourself a merry little Christmas.

http://shop.rifftrax.com/files/posters/StarWarsSpecial.jpg

The Star Wars Holiday Special! Oh my Bea Arthur!