| some thoughts |
[Mar. 25th, 2011|12:59 am]
fratboydan
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it's now around 7.5 weeks into hormones. my doses were upped roughly 4 weeks in to what seems to be a pretty standard dose of 200 mg spiro (that i was on from the start), 2 mg estradiol, and 5 mg medroxyprogesterone. i've been continually told that i should keep track of all the changes, and i guess since its probably that i'll forget some of them, here goes:
1.) my skin feels softer, and is definitely more sensitive to the touch. this happened pretty shortly after starting HRT, within a few days actually. at first i thought it was my sense of touch being heightened (perhaps in the fingers) but i've come to realize that my skin is just much more sensitive. at the risk of giving a little TMI, i feel as though a good portion of my body is now an erogenous zone (and i now know why women love foreplay so much). just running the tip of my fingers across my skin, even somewhere like a shoulder, can be quite the sensation. other areas are also pretty sensitive (ie - nipples in particular).
2.) at first i thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but when i came back from europe and took a few proper showers (with plenty of space) i realized that my body looked much skinnier. yes, at this point i've lost around 15 lbs since the beginning of 2011, and it's been a while since i weighed around 160, but it looked different than before. the shape looked slightly more feminine, and a couple of friends in the know here at b-school have said that my face does look subtly softer.
3.) then a little later, i started noticing a constant dull ache in my chest. at first it was intermittent, or every now and then or whenever, but now it's pretty much a daily occurrence and rather regular. maybe this is kind of like the onset of puberty or something, and budding breast growth will commence soon enough (or it already has). my pecs never jiggled like this, even 15 lbs ago.
4.) apparently some of my mannerisms are "more feminine" according to my therapist. i had noticed that i sit differently - instead of sprawling out like a bro as i used to, i'm fond of curling up on the couch instead. my sitting posture has changed, from an aggressive forward posture to a much more relaxed one. and the way that i use my hands when speaking has changed. i always used to be palms in, i guess essentially using them to show limits/confinement. now they're much more open, and when i'm not using them, they rest nicely on my lap instead of elsewhere. but, i will add that these hand gestures are only in her office - i noticed my movement is very different at school, where people don't know yet (save one or two). i also giggle now.
lastly.) when looking in the mirror, i thought, shit if this is the difference after 2 months, once i come back from the summer, if things continue to progress like this my appearance will dramatically change. we've got roughly another 7 weeks before everyone starts heading their own ways for the summer internships. then probably another 12-13 or so before we're all back for fall semester. that's a good bit of time, especially since they'll be away (rather than gradually observing the changes). right now no one seems to notice the changes taking place (except the one friend who i talk about this stuff with) or if they do, they're not mentioning it. they know i did the weight loss challenge competition, so i think a lot of people chalk it up to that.
i am thinking that i will probably talk to the dean of the business school before the summer begins, since i'm not sure how far forward i'll be after the summer is over. my plan is to go full time around the start of 2012 (assuming it's possible) since that'll be 11 months, so i think i should give the admins a heads up in case i feel like moving that schedule forward. but before i talk with the dean, perhaps i'll see if i can get a friend from the lgbtqi office to go talk to him for me first - since i don't necessarily want to out myself (and he'd be a great resource for the dean since he is an FTM).
all of this is so exciting!
also - for you non-friend lurkers out there, i'm making it a mission to go back and unrestrict some of my older posts. lucky you! |
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