Foxor's den

SnapKnot Giveaway

2013-05-02T11:48:56Z

It's been ages since I've been on here, but here I am. I get 25 extra entries to a draw I entered, by posting the following:
Big thanks to the SnapKnot wedding photography directory for offering this great camera giveaway!

Fingers crossed for me to win it....

Friends Cut

2011-02-16T13:09:12Z

I have done a friends cut. I probably liked you very much, and would never want to offend you by cutting you. As I grow as a person, the role of this journal in my life changes. And when that happens, it is natural that my friends list has to be pared down to accommodate that.

Friends only, in case you hadn't figured that out already...

2009-03-09T20:34:16Z

I thought, after a year or more of having this journal friends only, that I would make an official note to any random visitors here, that this is in fact a friends only journal. You can add me as a friend if you like, and if I notice you've done so I will probably add you back. I don't tend to notice these things quickly, so if you want to give me a polite prod that's probably okay too.

Still TIRED.

2008-01-24T03:13:38Z

I was exhausted today. I only had one hour worth of class (my other class was cancelled) and I feel like I achieved almost nothing beyond that. I also had some grad photos taken, so at least I feel pretty. I did my hair all nice and put on some makeup for a change...impressive really. I'm remarkably lazy under normal circumstances.
Even with such a low key day, I came home after the pictures and crashed. I sat down, which turned to laid down, and I swore I was only going to relax for a few minutes, and then I promptly fell asleep for an hour. Go me.

The exhaustion didn't even let up when I went to my piano lesson. My teacher was laughing at me, saying my eyes were going to roll shut as he tried to get his point across. And we were working on improvising on a 12 bar blues, and when he played an example of what he wanted me to try, he gave me this mischievous grin and turned the blues into a lullaby, which made me laugh kind of uncontrollably. You had to hear it, it was honestly the funniest thing that has happened to me today.

Anyway. I think I'll go to bed because I'm still exhausted. I can't stop yawning. What the hell is wrong with me?

ps. Mac users: Know anything about Frostwire? Someone recommended it to me, and I think I'm going to try it out. This actually merits consideration however: I'm being all protective of my computer at this point, because the gaping void in my chequing account is a constant reminder of just how big a deal it is. Moreover, it's perdy, and it runs all fast and nice, and I don't want to eff that up with stupid programs. By the same token, however, my ability to download pirated and illegal software and music has been severely impeded by my move from PC to mac, and I find this immensely frustrating. Must remedy this somehow, and soon.

All about me, Part II!

2008-01-15T02:25:50Z

Here we go...thanks jayd_aradia for such awesome questions!

1) I know that you have a passion for music and that you're taking it in school - is it something that you're hoping to incorporate in your life and career or is it just going to be a hobby?

A bit of column A, a bit of column B...lol. I have a minor in music now, so I'm pretty deep into it at this point and I can't see it ever *not* being a part of my life. It's tricky right now though. I used to be passionate about music in the way that I couldn't stop playing and practicing and I wanted to play gigs and teach and so on and so forth. I don't feel as passionate about it at the moment, and I've plateaued for so long that I feel kind of insecure about some things. I can still perform. I have played paying gigs, including weddings with gnavitas and solo engagements in restaurants, and I'm doing a whole course in the summer that lets me go out on my own and book gigs and such (and get school credit for doing it). But I don't know how much of a focal point the actual gigging will be in my life. I have taught piano, and I intend to teach again someday, but again, I don't know how intensely I'll pursue it.
Long story short, it'll always be a part of my life. I love it, but, by not changing in big tangible ways for so long, music is changing for me. It will always be a hobby and it will likely to some extent be much more than that (ie. semiprofessional) but only time will tell how much so.

2) What is your favourite book and why?

ONE book? Are you crazy? It would be something by Guy Gavriel Kay more than likely. Fionavar or Lions of Al Rassan. But I couldn't pick one over the other, and there are so many other books that I love that simply can't be compared side to side with other books. To me a book is good when it has something special that makes it completely and utterly unique compared to other books. Illusions by Richard Bach also makes the short list, especially if you judge a book by how many times I've read it. Utterly fantastic and philisophical and let's be honest, I like things that make you think.

3) (For the Dumbledore quote) If you had the chance to be any character in Harry Potter, who would it be and why?

Awesome question. Probably Hermione. Why? Because she doesn't have the spotlight in the way that Harry Potter does, she's brilliant and stubborn and strong, and while she gets to meet all these amazing people and be at the center of everything that's happening, she's there because she's decided to be there and not because she was thrust into it against her will. I have respect for that.

4) If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would be the first thing that you did?

I would book several vacations with my friends and family. I'd take several people with me to each place I decided to go, and those places would include Peru and Japan/Okinawa and Africa and France and Italy. Just to name a few. After that I would finish my degree because at this point it feels stupid not to, and I'd pursue karate, writing and music full time, while investing my money so I didn't have to work seriously beyond that ever again. Depending on the size of the lottery I would also share my winnings with charity and friends and family. Family would get a specific cash allotment, while friends would get specific things they needed, such as vehicles or downpayments on buildings or other such things. Again though, the amount shared depends on the amount won. And I would potentially have to murder people that came begging and sobbing for me to give them bits of my good fortune.

5) Childhood Memories! What was your favourite activity - skipping? marbles? pogs? anything.

Wow, I never would have expected this to be a hard question. Even as a kid I was pretty all over the place. Some things never change I guess. As such I can't honestly pick one thing over another. I loved music back then and played piano every single day. I also loved drawing, I drew like crazy. I played with barbies when I was younger, but grew out of that eventually, and then played with sand creatures and then beanie babies. I also once wrote a story which I no longer have, called the Curse of the Golden Apple. I would have been ten years old or so, and it was several pages long and I had epic plans for it. Also near the top of the list of good memories would be going down to the river with my grandfather. I used to know all the shallow and deep spots of the river, and how to find crayfish and catfish and other such creatures and how to pick them up without getting hurt. We used nets and waded around on hot summer days. Those are really fond memories.

foxor @ 2008-01-08T19:27:00

2008-01-09T00:38:12Z

So I saw the most unbelievable hair today on the bus back home from my piano lesson. It was a young guy, and a red head, and you know how there are just some people in the world that, regardless of what they dress or present themselves like, just physically look like there from a particular era or another? I mean, this can be favourable in some instances: someone can be classically beautiful in the way that Marilyn Monroe was beautiful. This guy was not so lucky. He looked like he was out of the eighties. No other way of describing it. His hair definitely lended to that though. Yech. Plus as I said, he was a redhead, so his hair kind of drew attention to itself before you even considered how bad it was. It looked like this, but much BIGGER. Yeah. Like I said. Unbelievable hair.

Holidays are over.

2008-01-05T14:04:53Z

So I suddenly feel like there are three thousand things I should have been doing over my vacation, and DIDN'T do. This kind of sucks. I shall list them, because maybe by listing them the list will seem smaller than it currently feels. Plus I'd rather babble to the immense universe of the internet (and all of you reading this within it) than actually do anything at this point. That'll change soon, because I can't afford to *not* do this stuff.

First off, my prof for my lit review clearly forgot about me. How do I know this? Because basically she said "I honestly forgot about you". I feel like I'm partly responsible for this having not been obnoxious and in her face, but I really didn't think that, after a bunch of emails back and forth and actually going to meet with her in person for half an hour to an hour, that I was really all that forgettable. Alas. It doesn't really matter at this point, except that now I know in order to make an impression on her (this is the prof I want to do a masters with...or so I thought, because who knows, maybe she's not a nice person?) I will have to go beyond what I would want someone to do in making an impression on me. To that end I need to volunteer with her and this is ultimately the whole point at the moment: in order to volunteer I have to take WHMIS and another human blood handling and safety type of course. Two separate courses, both of which severely conflict with my hardest course of the semester, which is Medical embryology. My dad offered a solution there, however: I can, if U of G deems it acceptable, take the WHMIS course at his work. As to the other, my friends will just have to help me out, because I can't *not* take the course. It's simply not an option.

On the topic of the lit review, however, I need to do some reading so I sound intelligent when I settle on my topic later this week. I plan on doing something on the nutraceutical benefits of chocolate, or maybe cocoa butter.

I also need to come up with a list of ten references which I intend to use when I do my experiential learning course in musical performance in the summer. This is a completely foreign concept to me, and an absolutely ludicrous formality. I mean, how am I supposed to say what references I intend to use without really getting into the project? I'm definitely one of these people that prefers to fly by the seat of my pants here, and find a reference to say what I have decided to say. Maybe that's bad, I don't know. My prof already has some ideas so I need to fill in the blanks so it doesn't look like I'm just relying on her to do my work for me.

I also have a piano lesson Tuesday which means I should practice piano, because clearly (HA!) I have been playing my ass off for the duration of the holidays. Truth be told, I actually was SO sick of playing piano for hours a day, as I was prior to my jury, that I haven't played much at all. And when I have played, I have played classical music, for the precise reason that it is NOT JAZZ. I like jazz, don't get me wrong. But after the amount of work I put in, I was eager for the mindless technical challenge of classical music, and I have avoided everything that doesn't fit that criteria. Must change that now, however.

I also have to continually do more research on post grad stuff (I've already been doing a lot, so this isn't something I've been procrastinating), because application deadlines usually fall at the first of February or thereabouts. The tricky part here is that Guelph is where I want to be, and I'm a little panicked that my prof FORGOT about me, who made it very clear at the time that I wanted to do a masters in nutriceuticals. I think it's definitely time to find more nutriceutical profs, at Guelph since most other universities don't seem to talk about nutriceuticals in any significant context (if I'm wrong here PLEASE correct me). I think I'll have to look out of province too, say at UBC. That wouldn't be so bad I guess. BC is gorgeous, my friend Mike might be there, my friend Josh might even be there eventually, and karate is there. Plus, like I said, BC is gorgeous.

I guess that's about it. But those feel like big things somehow. It can be done. It will have to be done. But I think my holiday is definitely over. Need to get cracking!!!

Holiday reflections

2007-12-27T02:36:15Z

So it seems to be a trend to report on Christmas happenings, and I might as well continue it. Meg's post about losing the meaning of Christmas really hit me, because it's so true. So very, very true. It's so easy to get caught up in the material side of things and I think we are all guilty of it...how can we not be when we're pummelled with marketing to make us think that way every day of our lives?

While that makes me kind of sad, my family does still have quite a few traditions that make it almost possible to believe that we've managed to hang on to the important bits of Christmas. And when I looked at my pictures, I honestly was humbled by how happy everyone looked. Like, not the 'here we all are posing and smiling for the camera' type of happy, but genuinely 'happened to be smiling at the moment the camera went off' kind of happy. And it was a pretty happy couple of days. I enjoyed almost every minute of it.

At the same time, I feel like Christmas has been anticlimactic this year. I don't know why, and it's not about the presents....I'm happy with everything I got, and to be perfectly honest--and I'm not saying this because I think it sounds like something that should be said--I was almost equally pleased with the presents I got for everyone else. I really do enjoy giving to people and surprising them with things. My grandmother really taught me how good that can feel. So it's not about the material stuff. It just always feels like it goes by too fast. I mean, a month or more of chaos trying to be ready for 'Christmas', whatever that is, and then it's over. Not enough time with family, not enough nights sitting in front of the fire as it dies away and the candles burn down...not enough magic. It's just too much of a whirlwind.

Somehow when I was a kid the day just seemed to go on and on and it was so exciting. I love Christmas still...but I wish I knew how to look at it all the way I used to. I wish I could feel that butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling as I anticipated the presents, the stocking, the always-identical brunch I used to have every year courtesy of my grandmother (the only time I was ever allowed to drink pop before noon)...all that stuff was so ritualistic and I thought it would last forever. Nothing lasts forever, I guess.

On the material front...I'm really bad at telling people when I want to exchange a present they've given me. I don't know how to approach it and I always feel so guilty when the person that got me such a gift realizes it wasn't what I wanted. Any suggestions here? In the past I've even kept gifts I didn't want, just to 'be nice', but I refused to do something so wasteful ever again...especially since that is not actually a nice thing to do at all. It's so hard though! Am I weird for feeling so bad about this?

I feel like a lump of toffee.

2007-12-24T04:34:36Z

So I'm way too tired to move, let alone change and go to bed. So I'm sitting here writing this while trying to muster the energy and nerve to do something about my current predicament. Plus I started eating food at about one o clock and haven't stopped since (it's now 11:30PM) and I've had about equal amounts of alcoholic versus non-alcoholic liquids today. I'm so mellow, so full, so sluggish...I feel like toffee, or something. It's a tough life :P

The karate Christmas get-together was good, I think. I had fun, anyway. Seemed like a weird dynamic in a way, just because almost nobody showed up in the first hour or so, then a whole tone of people came and left fairly quickly, and then it was quiet for a while and a few more people dropped in...and then when I left it seemed to be getting pretty quiet again. Weird like that. I wonder if that kept happening all night? Hope not, for Sensei's sake. That'd just be annoying. Not that Sensei really seemed to care, which amused me. But anyways.

I think my cheesecake was a hit, anyway, which is always good.

After that I went to my and Gnavitas' families' joint Christmas celebation, an annual tradition we have. It was awesome fun. Seems to get bigger and more decadent every year, I swear. It's fun because it's always so CHRISTMAS-like, but it's also not that traditional. We had Salmon-cream cheese-blueberry Wellington tonight, which was divine.

Alas my dog is barking up a storm because she's hungry. I better deal with her before she wakes everyone else (who had the sense to go to bed in the first place) up.

Geek alert.

2007-12-21T14:13:33Z

So I downloaded the Josh Groban Christmas album. The guy's got a good voice, I'll give that to him. But is it bad that I'm actually angered by his rendition of 'I'll be home for Christmas'? I mean, the whole thing is splattered with little snippets of troops from Iraq wishing Merry Christmas to their families...because clearly they will NOT be home for Christmas. I know the song says 'if only in my dreams' and whatnot, but I still think it's a stretch, and it jars me when I hear it. It also pisses me off that he's glorifying the whole Iraq thing. I know people say 'support the troops, not the war'...fine, I get that. But I don't think the vast majority of people can distinguish the two, and frankly at Christmas I don't want to think about the war. Fine, you say, other people have family memebers over there and can't stop thinking of it...lucky them, Josh made a song just for them. I still don't have to like it. Maybe I'm being an ignorant and insensitive prat, but I really dislike that song. </end rant></div>

So I am a geek in a big way. Marks were supposed to be released last night or this morning, and I was personally offended to find last night that the site capacity had been reached, and despite my best efforts, I couldn't actually get in to check my marks. This morning when I woke up before eight, I logically had an easier time. I'm really happy with the three of four that were posted. If the fourth is anywhere in the same realm as the first three, this semester will be the highest average of my university career. *does a dance*

As to the fourth mark, though...I honestly have no idea. See, the one that hasn't been posted is histology. A) Histology was the hardest class of the semester by a long shot, and B) there's the whole idea of the exam having been compromised...

Yeah that's right. That thing I said a while back that I'd vent about and then changed my mind and said I didn't have the energy to bother? The lab exam was written in two waves, and my friend and I wrote in the first one. When we came back and logged onto WebCT, lo and behold, the exam was posted there for all to see. So we complained to the profs and TAs and got a load of bullshit back from one TA trying to explain it away, but as far as I know beyond that, there's been mostly silence from their end. But considering the huff my prof got herself in from telling us how FUCKED we'd be if we even TRIED to email the exam to our friends while we were writing it, she should take the fact that she herself (or someone she is responsible for) essentially sent it to the ENTIRE CLASS somewhat seriously. I don't know.

So I'm hoping, in a way, that the delay in the posting of that mark is due to her trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that someone on her end screwed up ROYALLY. Really, the only completely fair option is to give everyone a perfect mark for that component. Believe it or not, if your prof doesn't show up to an exam, that's school policy. Now I know she obviously showed up, but the exam was compromised, and there is no way it would be fair to just give us all the marks we got. Moreover, it wouldn't be fair to just not have a lab component, because people like myself and my friend (and another huge chunk of the class, I'm sure) do better on lab exams than written exams: we count on the lab exams to balance out our marks. So it wouldn't be fair to just remove it completely (although in my case I'd be fine with that because I overcompensated when I studied and did crap on the lab, and I'm pretty sure I rocked the written).

The bottom line is that the second wave probably had access to that lab exam, or at least some people from the second wave did. I don't expect her to go as far as anything I've described above, but I do expect her to do something. We'll see, I guess. But in the mean time I just can't handle the fact that it's not posted. I swear, it's driving me INSANE.

*sigh* I'm such a geeeeeek!

An Embuggerance

2007-12-15T13:47:53Z

So I said I'd vent about school, but I don't think I'm going to. Many of you already know essentially what I was going to vent about anyway and to be honest I'm too tired to bother, and if it takes so much energy to be negative, why should I go out of my way to subject the rest of the world to negativity?

Still, I just found out that Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's. That's saddening to me. Why is it that brilliant authors aren't given a full lifetime to express themselves? Douglas Adams died young. Terry Pratchett is 59, if I recall. He's quoted as saying basically he thinks he can fit a few more books in before his mind goes. What an awful thought that must be, knowing that in a very discrete time period your brain is going to make you unable to do (or maybe even appreciate) the things you love.

Here's his original posting on the 'Discworld' website. Scroll down to 'An Embuggerance'.

It's official...

2007-12-13T04:58:32Z

I'M DONE! Let the Christmas Holidays commence!

...that is all. For now. Later, when I have more energy, I shall vent. I have very worthy venting material. But now? Sleep. I honestly can't keep my eyes open.

The Collision of Science and Art.

2007-12-07T19:44:29Z

Is it bad that, after nearly a week being completely immersed in the right-brain artsy half of my life, I am having a TON of trouble coaxing my mind back into science?

Since the end of classes I've been playing piano like a fiend, writing poetry for the first time in, like, a year, making music projects, writing essays and music assignments, etc, etc, etc. And now it's all done. Histology--the study of cells and tissues and organs and such--is all that remains between me and Christmas break. But I honestly am having SO much trouble make myself do it.

This isn't good.

*sigh* Sometimes I honestly wonder if the only reason I'm still in science, when so many of my other right-brained friends abandoned it so long ago, is because I am so fiercely stubborn with myself. I don't let myself quit, hardly ever. (Even when I was a kid, I swear it took me nearly a year to tell my parents I didn't want to do ballet anymore...) It's times like this if I wonder when I'll finally give in, and how much of my life I will have devoted to trying to go in another direction before I do.

It used to be that I actually felt like studying science in university was a struggle and a constant battle. It felt that way because I often felt like what I was forcing myself/being forced to do academically was literally ripping who I was away from me. I don't feel that way anymore, but I don't know if that means that I've come to terms with who I am, or if it's because I've given up and moved on, and become someone I didn't originally want to be. I hope it's the former, and not the latter, and the truth is, for the longest time I actually prided myself on my somewhat paradoxical existence: I'm the science geek that loves to write, and can have an intelligent conversation about music, history, art and philosophy at the drop of a hat. Because I like all that stuff, and I refuse to limit myself to one thing.

But I'm not actually sure that that's how it works, in reality. Because in reality people choose a career, and a specialty. And honestly, sometimes I just feel insane trying to juggle everything that I am, and everything I do. It's so worth it, but I wonder if I can keep doing this forever. Because at one point I had a dream, to help people, and science was the way to do that. That's why I ended up here, and now the dream is gone, or pushed aside, or whatever....so what? Now what?

The funny thing is, I'm not unhappy. I have awesome friends in my life that I wouldn't know if not for the precise course my life has taken so far, and I'm sure know myself better now than I did coming out of high school, and I like to think I know that what I'm doing is somehow right for me....I like to think it'll all work out. But I can't actually be sure, especially when I feel like the last thing my brain wants to do right now is learn about macrophages or endocrine glands. And I don't quite know what to do with that.

foxor @ 2007-12-05T07:59:00

2007-12-05T13:09:13Z

I know people think I'm nuts when I get going about the similarities between karate and music, but I swear they're there. More than that, I realize that they are there because they are everywhere: it's hard to remove a person from their art. They are their art. Which is cool because the Samurai were really onto something when they studied flowerarranging and calligraphy in their capacity as professional warriors.

But when you lose confidence in your art....

I have a jury in piano tomorrow, which means that a panel of three professors judges me in fifteen minutes on my playing to give me a grade for my course in university. This is the last time between now and then that I get to be honest about how I feel. After this, no negative thoughts allowed. How I feel is completely inadequate. It sucks, but it's true. And the worst thing is, the moment I get confident enough to play my stuff, I go to my lesson and my teacher rips it apart.
Mind, that's his job: to criticize me in places where I have to get better. But he's blunt, and a lot of people view him as a jerk. He kind of is a jerk. He's helped me a lot and he has completely changed the way I look at piano playing (for the better, overall). But my confidence in piano has been gone for a long time, and now when it really comes down to it and he says what has to be said, I can't handle it.

Here's the mind blowing ultimate truth though: my problems are all the same. My problems in karate are the same as in music, and they're probably the same everywhere else in my life. Which is why I really wished I could hear my karate Sensei's thoughts on it all, as I was walking out of my lesson feeling like crying because it was so bad. Because when it comes down to it, I play it too safe. You can't play jazz piano safe: when you play it safe the whole thing comes across stale and uninteresting, because that's the point of jazz. Jazz isn't safe. It's spontaneous. I don't play safe on my own, which is why it's so devastating when I practice all week and then show up to my lesson and don't pull it off. But the truth is, I get it all week long and then I just crack when you put someone critical in front of me.

I'm a good piano player. Nobody can deny that. But I have between now and tomorrow to get over myself. I don't know if I can do that. </div>

Lightning Rod

2007-12-01T14:16:41Z

It's been about five months since I've posted here, and I wanted something profound enough to make it worthwhile. I couldn't be profound enough on my own, however, so I posted some lyrics from a song I like. It's one of those ones where I understand what the lyrics are getting at, but I still feel like there's something more profound around the corner that I haven't quite grasped yet. In any case, it kind of reminds me of one of my characters in a story I'm writing, so *shrugs*...I like it. We'll leave it at that.

Lyrics from Lightning Rod, by Guster:

Standing on a building I am a lightning rod
And all these clouds are so familiar
Descending from the mountain tops the gods are threatening.
I will return an honest soldier

Home

Steady on this high rise like every lightning rod
And all these clouds are boiling over
Swimming in adrenaline the sky is caving in
but I will remain the honest soldier.

Home

TAGGED!

2007-06-25T03:09:48Z

So Sper tagged me to list seven songs I'm obsessed with right now...so here goes! (no particular order)

1. Makin' Whoopee - Stacey Kent : I admit it: I'm a geek who listens to odd geeky music, and this is just one of those songs. It's a jazz standard, and it is honestly just one of those songs that cracks me up. Lyrics--at first anyway--rarely play a part in the decision of whether or not I like a song...but this is an exception to that rule. I mean, the lyrics are freakin' hilarious.

2. Screenager - Muse : I LOVE THIS SONG. I'll say it again. I LOVE THIS SONG. The first part is in a weird time signature which makes it catchy, and the lyrics remind me of one of my characters from a story I'm attempting to write. This is, I won't lie, the most highly played song I own, according to iTunes. I'm not surprised.

3. Rainy Day - Guster : Another character-related song. Completely different character, completely different realm, but anyways. I luffs it muchly :)

4. Aurore - Fapy Lafertin : This is yet another fine example of my geek-dom. I stole this album from my dad, actually...it's known as 'gypsy jazz', which basically means that it's music played in the style of Django Reinhardt. I had a pet bird once named Django, that's how deeply rooted this sort of stuff is in my life. I've grown up listening to this sort of music, and it's one of those things I automatically like. I'm obsessed with this song at the moment because I forgot I had the album it's on, and I don't remember ever being aware of this song, but it's got a strangely alluring chord progression.

5. Chile con Carne - The Real Group : I swear this is the last jazz song appearing on this list. The Real Group are five (I think just five) singers that do all this choral jazz stuff. This particular song, as with many of their songs, is COMPLETELY a cappella, and it's freakishly good. I've loved this song since high school, when we heard one of the other choirs my choir was competing against at this festival thinger sing it.

6. At Witt's End - Hans Zimmer : I couldn't make this list without at least one soundtrack entry. This is from Pirates of the Caribbean though, and at over eight minutes long, the song manages to pack in all of the important themes of the movie...and it is awesome like a possum. I was actually tempted to choose the track 'Multiple Jacks' in this one's place, however, just because that's another song that cracks me up.

7. Dexter Soundtrack - Daniel Licht : I couldn't pick just one track. It's the most recently added thing to my library, and frankly the whole thing is creep-tacular and wonderful, and I would have to pick the opening theme, the track entitled 'House' and the end credits track. I don't know what the point of being specific was anyway, though, because I'm a soundtrack whore and hardly anyone else who will be reading this could relate. But if you have an opportunity to watch the tv show Dexter, DO IT. It's creepy and amazing and I love it to bits.

Anyway that was hard. There are a million other things that I would have added to this list but those were the first to my mind. And besides, I embrace my geekiness. I do need to download some new music however. Must not over-play these favourites...that would be bad.

I tag Heather and Sudyn, and YOU whoever you are reading this, if you haven't already done this.

Near death experience!

2007-06-08T21:20:21Z

So I'm exaggerating. But still.

Working in the garden centre in Canadian Tire. Fine, good. But we're supposed to close in inclement weather. I knew it was coming, and I moved all the sale racks inside the fence waiting for that first crack of thunder so I could go inside. But then a truck showed up with a shipment of herbs. I was like 'fine, no problem, we'll unload it fast, and it'll start to thunder a little bit and rain, and then it'll be done and I'll go inside'. Here's the problem. That was sheer stupidity.

I walked outside the tent for a second and looked at the sky. It was green. No joke. Scary deadly green. And then BANG it starts to pour, and the wind is roaring....and here I am worried about some freakin' herbs? I thought, 'okay, there are two more trays, and then I'm gone, and I don't care, he can forge my signature or get a manager or follow me inside, because I'm leaving.' And then there's this big gust of wind, and the whole tent shook and moved and bent under the force of it. And my immediate thought was 'if this thing gives way and collapses, is it better for me to be here in the middle, or over there by the doorway?' I knew that if that wind took it, I was probably dead or severely injured either way. It was pretty matter of fact, so I pretty much just remember being paralyzed for a minute, and then running to a place I thought was safer.

Then, in that moment, Torri and the coolest manager in the store show up, take one look at me and the other manager, and the stupid truck driver, and the one and only customer stupid enough to be shopping for flowers in this weather, and they tell us all to leave. The only way they could have been more firm about it would be to swear at us. The thing is, I couldn't even hear the thunder or see the lightning inside the tent over the roar of the teeming rain, and all I knew was that the wind was terrifying. Thinking back on it, that was pretty freakin' scary. And as much as it was scary, multiply that by four hundred and that is how stupid it was.

Bottom line: I'm never risking my life for a tray of parsley ever again.

</div>

nervous dance

2007-05-25T22:48:13Z

So...so...
I HAVE A DATE! In, like, half an hour. I was totally stoked last night but I'm totally just plain nervous right now. Let's just say that my last few dating experiences have been let-downs to the nth degree, so I'm afraid to hope that this one might work out. But at the same time, I think I really like this guy, which is part of why I'm even more nervous. Part of me actually cares whether or not it works out. That's scary.
I think the whole dating thing, in a lot of ways, is bizarre. Bizarre in the same way that certain wedding traditions are bizarre, but I'll come to that later if I have time.
It's the whole fact that, in order to go out and decide if this guy and me should spend a lot of time together, aiming ultimately to get to a point where we have no secrets (if I want to be idealistic and such, which at the moment I'm not...) people feel the need to dress above the standard at which they normally dress, prepare their hair and makeup in ways that are more time consuming than they normally wear it, smile and talk about things that they don't necessarily care about. Sounds like a GREAT way to get to know a person.
Part of me wants to not get sucked into that, and wants to let the guy hate me if he wants, or love me if he wants, and whatever happens will be the best outcome for me anyway. But I won't lie. My hair took me three times as long as it normally does, and I'm wearing more makeup than I normally do. I actually put thought into what clothes I'm wearing, and yes, I'm sure I will smile and make small talk. But part of me wishes that the dating thing wasn't such a *game*.

Maybe I shouldn't even get started on weddings. But it struck me how overtly sexual certain elements of weddings are, and it just seems so bizarre, that in the ultimate testament of love, we proclaim in front of a hundred people that we intend to (assuming, for the purposes of the guest's innocence and blissful ignorance, that we haven't already) have sex with eachother, (it's even in the typical sort of readings or whatever by the priest/minister/whoever with the stuff about making 'one flesh' isn't it?) and then we proceed to use symbols to rub this fact in everyone else's face. I mean, you could take it as far as flowers and things if you wanted, but what about the garter thing? Since when is it wholesome to watch a guy reach up inside a girl's dress and retrieve something from her upper thigh?

It's not even that I'm against it. It's just strange, is all. Am I being disgustingly straight-laced?

KERMIT!

2007-04-17T03:49:22Z

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

I think I'm cool with being Kermit. Besides, I do over think things. All the freakin' time. Everything has different angles, and anybody close to me can tell you I'm never too quick to give a straight answer if you ask me for my opinion, because I reason the whole thing out and kind of end up sitting on the fence, slightly baffled. Don't know how that happens so often, when, on some things, I can be pretty stubborn and decisive. Plus, it says I'm loveable. I like the idea of being loveable :)

So I'm back from the apparent abyss of exam-studiousness. (I can't actually believe studiousness is a word. How odd.) I actually have one exam left, but lots of time to study which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good, because I have lots of opportunity to be prepared, and bad because I'm so relaxed about it that I'm losing motivation. And I'm back in Guelph for the moment, and just realizing that I didn't bring my yummy special hot chocolate with me, which is a major comfort food. And sadly this is occupying more of my mind than the exam I have on Friday, which, not suprisingly considering what I just said about motivation, I haven't done all that much studying for yet.

I'm babbling. Things that have happened in my long absence?
-Iaido seminar coming up...we did iaido tonight, which was good. The fact that I didn't, for once, inadvertently begin to undress myself by pulling my hakama off is pretty fun. I did make myself a little late for the class taking the time to tie it extra well, however.
-Lots of karate, including sparring, which I haven't done a lot of recently, until, well, more recently. Which felt incredibly good.
-Got sick. Fever and everything, but I'm better now.
-Hung out with my dog. She's nine years old now, so every time I take her for a walk or whatever I'm suddenly more aware that dogs don't live as long as people do, which is scary. But she's ultra cute, and she makes me laugh. And when I study she usually snuggles up next to me and keeps me company. She also tends to wake me up at early hours of the morning wanting up on my bed with me, and I complain about that, but really I don't mind.
-Studied my tail off.
-Went to work, drooled over the jar of candy sitting in front of me all day, which is a part of one of those 'guess how many candies in the jar' things they often use as fundraisers...as is the case here. So I sat at my desk and stared at it, and now I'm craving those little egg things with crunchy stuff covered in chocolate covered in candy. But not only is Easter over and the Easter-themed candy mostly cleared out, but I don't know what they are called. All I know is that it took immense self control to not steal some of them from the jar. The worst part about my story? I know how many candies are in the jar, because the answer is inside my cash register. So I can't even buy a ticket for a chance to win the candies that I'm craving.

So bottom line? I'm a geek with no life. My excuse is that none of my friends are in town at the moment, and moreover, none of us has time to do anything besides study. That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it. And in the meantime, I bid you goodnight.

</div>

Story of a name...

2007-03-27T03:06:49Z

Yeah so I said I wouldn't be on LJ for the next while, and I meant it. But obviously I lied a little bit. I'm here, and I intend on disappearing again for two more weeks. Then exams will start and I'll have a bit more time to procrastinate :)

But I was tagged, and how could I pass that up???

So without further ado, the story of my name.

Actually, there *is* kind of a story. When I lived in residence in 1st year I had gnavitas and L and M over to my place for the night. I broke rules to do that because a) it was during exams and b) we weren't allowed to have more than two people at a time. But nobody else on my floor was around, so I figured even if we were noisy (we weren't) we wouldn't disturb anyone. Except maybe the ghosts of South residence, if there are any.

Anyway. We stayed up late. We giggled a lot. And at one point, long after many stories had been shared, many words mangled, and many fits of laughter ensued, we decided to watch this video that M had been emailed. It was a joke thing, something about 'Hamlet...translated to Leet'. For those that don't know, leet is computer geek language. An example sentence, 'the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' in leet looks like so:

Teh kw1k br0wn f0x (or ph0x), jumpt ov3r teh laiz3 d4wg

And more to the point, wikipedia has this to say about the addition of 'zor' and 'xor' suffixes:

The suffix -(x)xor (also -zor, or other variations thereof) can be used like the standard English -er and -or, in order to derive an agent noun from a verb. Examples includes pwnzor and haxxor, meaning one who pwns or hacks, respectively.

"Xxor","zor", "zorzz", and "xxorxx" are also superlatives. They put the word they are modifying to a higher degree of intensity.

So Hamlet, translated into leet, had all kinds of hilarious lines. And at one point, I think either when Ophelia died or at the end when EVERYONE died, Hamlet just blinks and goes "Fuxor."

So M turns to me a little while later, after laughing fits have died down and conversation has resumed, and he says "Yeah, well Lauren's a fox. She's a FOXOR."

Hence a nickname was born.

Hmm. Um, I tag Sper (defect_4), and I tag sleeplessscribe (though I dunno if he is around at all these days) and I think that pretty much covers the non-obvious people on my list that I haven't read about already.

Pants

2007-03-22T20:11:38Z

This was amusing, so I pilfered it from torrileah67. I think she got more amusing results than I did though, so you should go check it out. I also copied Torri, in the sense that I made the ones that most amused me red.

Sly in my pants (Massive attack)
How can you mend a broken heart in my pants (Michael Buble)
Protect life in my pants (Eric Serra)
Enter the dragon in my pants (Danny Elfman)
Learn to be lonely in my pants (Phantom of the Opera movie soundtrack)
Without you in my pants (RENT)
2 Night in my pants (Rosenberg Trio)
Mona Lisa in my pants (Juno Reactor)
Humble me in my pants (Norah Jones)
I'm not okay in my pants (My Chemical Romance)
Between the bars in my pants (Elliot Smith)
Bliss in my pants (Muse)
To the end in my pants (My Chemical Romance)
That next place in my pants (Thomas Newman)
Caravan in my pants (Chocolat soundtrack, played partly by Johnny Depp)
Mal decides in my pants (David Newman)
The Steward of Gondor in my pants (Howard Shore) (Good lord, I hope not...)
Karma Slave in my pants (Splashdown)
Beautiful in my pants (Christina Aguilera)
Whoop de Dooper Bounce in my pants (Tigger from Whinney the Pooh...why the hell is this on my computer?) (That's right...Whoop de Dooper Bounce.)
Let's face the music and dance in my pants (Thomas Newman)
Secrets of the castle in my pants (John Williams)
Better together in my pants (Jack Johnson)
I'm just a girl in my pants (No Doubt) (I sure hope so...)
Yearning of the sword in my pants (Tan Dun) (That just sounds...wrong.)

So this serves to educate me in a number of ways. For one, I thought I had relatively normal, if diverse, taste in music. But if that's true, where are all the normal songs I listen to, in that list? Assuming I do listen to normal sorts of things periodically, that leads me to a second conclusion: the 'shuffle' function doesn't really work very well.

Oh well.

I should also mention I won't be posting on LJ much in the next little while. I'm forcing myself to buckle down and work. Or at least, that's the plan. I tend to get easily distracted. Not good when I have so much to learn, and so little time. School's over for the year in less than a month!!!!

Why am I so exhausted?

2007-03-16T16:58:15Z

I wish I knew why all of a sudden, after weeks of similar behaviour, seven hours sleep is not enough for me. I'm so exhausted right now, words do not describe, and for absolutely no reason.

Maybe it's a subconscious sense of the looming, over-full-with-work future.

In actual fact there are a couple things that might be contributing. First, there were two close calls on the busy street outside my house last night. There is a reasonable amount of traffic, but normally it's not a problem, and it particularly won't be a problem once I move upstairs next year, where it's much, much quieter. Plus I'm a light sleeper when it comes to that sort of thing. But that's not the point. The point is that at some random hour of the night, someone honked their horn and woke me up, and then the SAME thing happened again at seven this morning. It's not a pleasant way of being woken up. You wake up first wondering what the HELL is going on, and then going 'Oh my god' and waiting for that nasty crunch sound that implies a car accident. You all know the sound. You're cringing right now as you imagine it. I was spared that particular audio stimuli both this morning and last night, so I'm left just being angry at the bastards that failed to respect my need for sleep.

Plus, I'm a morning person, and for some reason was super alert last night and didn't go to bed very early. I started playing piano (a digital piano with volume control and/or headphones so I don't disturb anyone that isn't as crazy as I am) at around midnight. For no apparent reason.

In any case I spent nearly an hour talking to the head of the music department this morning about whether or not I can complete my minor. She was very helpful and patient, which is refreshing because most people aren't. Simply the amount of time she spent with me is mind boggling, when you're used to people giving you one or two words of advice and then disappearing entirely. Plus, she told me I seemed both engaged and articulate. It's always nice to be buttered up with compliments too.

I have several options for the said music minor, which are all complicated by various course conflicts and other requirements, which mostly means I have to be signed in by instructors for each course, and in some cases I'd be able to talk myself in without prerequisites. Which is all fine and good but also a lot of legwork. The one course that seemed cool was 'experiential learning in music' which basically means I design a program for myself including both practical and community based activities, as well as a written log of my progress, and then a faculty member evaluates me on whatever I do. My ideas for this include a couple things, ranging from designing a summer camp (a LOT of work I'm guessing) to marketing myself for weddings and background music at restaurants (slightly less work). I'd need to write proposals and find a faculty member to sign on it by next wednesday, so I'm not sure if I can make it happen. But I think I should (and will) try. So yeah. Any ideas are appreciated....lol. Getting in to the course pretty much hinges on my ability to present a really good convincing proposal. The good thing? It's all designed by me: it can't conflict with my other courses because it's not a class and there's nothing to conflict with.

Anyway, it's good that I can probably make this whole thing work out, and bad that it requires so much running around to get special forms and things signed. My kind of hurts thinking about it. But I guess it's all going to be worth it in the end :)

Oh well. I said that I would make chicken kabobs for lunch for Tina and me (we have to eat the chicken before I go home tonight) but I'm so lazy I'm seriously considering just freezing the chicken and going to the university to buy my lunch instead. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Thanks to those who filled out my poll. To the rest of you, consider this a gentle nudge. Or not. Whatever.

*grins*

Banana muffins rock my socks.

2007-03-15T20:35:05Z

So I have a bit of a poll to start off this journal entry. I wrote this poll, and then LJ deleted it, so I have written it again. You should take pity on me and answer the questions.

View Poll: Foxor's all purpose cure for indecisiveness.

Otherwise, I'm ultra lazy right now. Just spent about four hours in the human anatomy lab. Made huge progress on my dissection, particularly in the last half hour. Seeing as I'm actually marked on this dissection, that's kind of important. I think I'll have to go back in again on Monday or Wednesday to keep on track though.

In other news, I forgot how much I loved banana muffins. Bought one before my lab and didn't get a chance to eat it. I can't decide if the muffin was exceptionally good, or I was exceptionally hungry. Damn. I should have added that to my poll. Because I'm so not the biggest geek in the world right now....

Meh. I had other meaningful things to say, but they've left me for the moment. So yeah.

I suppose I'll leave it at that....hope you are all having lovely days.

A mishmash of rambling...

2007-03-13T16:45:15Z

I'm jealous. Some of my friends are currently taking this course called 'Conservation Biology'...and I can't take it because I'm missing the prerequisite of the prerequisites. Meaning I am missing at least three courses that would permit me to take it, simply because being in biomedical science implies that I wouldn't take an environmental science type course.

But what does this have to do with anything, you say?

Well you see, the prof to the course is this really cool mellow guy I had for part of first year biology, so automatically I know the course is practical and insightful. With him you always knew there was a reason for learning what he was teaching. You felt good about it. But that's not the real reason I'm so jealous.

The real reason is this. The final project in the course is to write a children's book, as an educational tool conveying a message of conservation. Which is wicked cool in it's own right. And not only has the prof dropped hints that the top four students might have a chance to get their books published, but there is a panel of people marking the books, one of which includes none other than..... Robert Munsch.

Robert freakin' Munsch! How cool is that?

So I'm jealous, but also happy because my friend got one of the top four marks in the class for his outline, meaning for the four people that may end up having a chance to get their books published, he might end up being one of them. Yay for him!

In other news, karate last night was freakin' wicked. There are so many reasons to say that, actually...and let's just say that I wish I had a memory like Capote right now, because I feel like I've forgotten a million things I didn't want to forget. But also it's one of those things...you feel it the next day in your muscles and your bruises, and you're reminded of how amazing it all was. It's like the most bizarre good feeling, considering you're actually in pain. It's good pain. And unless you are in karate and can relate to this you will probably currently believe I am a masochist. Maybe we all are, just a little bit.

And on top of that, I had relatively low expectations for the class, culminating in the realization that I'd forgotten my hakama for iaido which was supposed to take place after karate (but we didn't do iaido, so it didn't matter). So yeah. I love when that happens. It kind of just permits you to fly over the shit-fest of the rest of the week, with a benign smile on your face.

Plus, I'm going to see Pan's Labyrinth tonight at the Bookshelf (an adorable little bookstore/coffeeshop/restaurant/theatre here in Guelph) with a bunch of friends (including my roommate). Woohoo!

Don't ask me how I have time to be doing all these things right now. The answer is probably that I don't....and we just don't want to go there, do we?

Baffled.

2007-03-11T03:08:03Z

I just watched a movie called 'Stay' with my parents. My mom's immediate assessment of the movie was summarized in one word: "Stupid" but I can't help but feeling as if there was something amazingly profound there that I'm just not quite putting together, and it's bugging me. One reason it bugs me is that I don't like feeling as if I'm missing something. But the real reason is this: I can't help but wonder if that's the point of the movie.

I can't decide if this makes me dense or perceptive, or something else entirely. I feel slightly less than perfectly sane. Everyone in the movie was, too.

In other news, I have three roommates who have signed the lease making it official: I'm moving upstairs next year, living with my current roommate, plus her friend, plus a girl I have never met. All I know is this: she is fluent in french, currently living in France, and trusts her parents enough to make a decision about where she will be living for her. Plus I've heard nice things about her. And she shares my first name, so automatically that means two things. There will be a good deal of amusing confusion next year, and she must be great, because, hey: nobody has my name and isn't great. *attempts to appear extremely superior and fails miserably*

Well, that's not *exactly* true. But anyway.

Seems strange to me: I'm not actually worried for one thing (kind of excited, actually), but I feel like I ought to be. *shrugs*