when all a love needs is to be believed in

don't want to second guess

forcedmovement — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:24:27 GMT

Friends Cut

I hate doing this. But I just started up college again, and the only thing I'm going to be talking about from now on is like...the Jonas Brothers. I honestly just cannot keep up with my friends list the way it was. I feel awful because I tend to deal with being overwhelmed by avoiding and not commenting on anyone's stuff. I'd like to remedy that, and have a small flist of people I feel incredibly close to. If I cut you, it's just because our interests have drifted, or we haven't really talked in a long time.

Thanks for understanding.

phase two

forcedmovement — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:38:56 GMT

Friends cut

It's truly nothing personal to those of you I cut, I just couldn't keep up with my flist anymore and I'm hoping to keep it down to people I've connected with or talk to a lot. If you want to talk to me about it, comments are screened, so feel free to leave one. I wish you all the best.

tell me love, where do we go?

forcedmovement — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:24:36 GMT

UH...HEY GUYS. I took an accidental hiatus and abandoned you all! I'M SORRY. SOMETIMES I FAIL EPIC AMOUNTS.

And I have some new friends so that was really bad timing, I haven't really had a chance to get to know you yet and I'm already acting like an awful, spazzy friend. I'M SORRY. I'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.

I had a truly fantastic Thanksgiving, like...the best one in awhile, I legit had fun the entire time. My family is crazy but fun. Also, I was sleep deprived! This helps me be less socially awkward around family members! \o/ NOW I KNOW THE SECRET. And I dragged my dad to see Twilight on Friday (SECOND TIME AROUND, IT IS EVEN MORE LOLARIOUS AND DAZZLING) and he was amused. And would see the second one. I love my dad. (On Thursday, my four year old cousin was running around and saying he was a vampire, so my dad asked if he sparkled. BEFORE HE EVEN SAW THE MOVIE, MIND YOU. So much win.)

So uh, since I left y'all without warning, how about an Audrey picspam to make up for it? (KALA DID HER JAC ONE AND NOW I'LL DO AN AUDREY ONE. SEE HOW IT WORKS?)

SO UH, THIS WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE A PICSPAM OF AUDREY SMILING, BUT THEN I GOT DISTRACTED BY HOW PRETTY SHE IS, JUST GENERALLY SPEAKING.

Seriously, you guys. Look at her face.

But there will be smiles. Oh, don't you worry. She's going to smile your face off.

Think like a Queen. A Queen is not afraid to fail, failure is another steping stone to greatness.

OH AND QUOTES TOO? YEAH, SNAP, THIS PICSPAM HAS GOT IT ALL.

DRUNK AUDREY IS DRUNK AND HILARIOUS.

Hanna Beth used to make Audrey smile! Which kind of just makes me sad now.

They were not perfect but they were always there.

Look what I found! I call him peanut butter

This world scares the crap out of me. When all is said and done you will always have what you have been passionate about from the start.

Remember when Jac Vanek used to make Audrey smile? Yeah, me too. *sigh*

BUT EVEN WITHOUT JAC SHE IS STILL THE CUTEST EVER OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY.

I love all my friends so much.. that is all that matters. If you surround yourself with the right people you will always be happy no matter what.

Heart shaped sunglasses make Audrey happy!

And Minnie Mouse ears!

And...falling down drunk? ME TOO, AUDREY. ME TOO.

Hope everyone is in good spirits today. This week and next week are very important. Positive energy brings positive potential.

I love when she takes pictures without makeup. She's still amazingly pretty, but in a much plainer way. It's fantastic.

If your having a sad time or a bad day... try not to fret I bet this kitten is way more bummed out on life then you right now. That is your positive motivation for the day. Make a mental note of it.

When im stressed out my advice is to get some cake or bake cookies, light candles, watch your favorite movies and live for that moment.

I am such a dog lover. I love dogs more then anything but i am not allowed to have dogs where i live.. for the price im paying i should be able to have horses.

If youre scared to look ugly and take yourself too serious then get out of the game.

OH MY GOD BB AUDREYYYYYYYY.

It hurts my heart to watch someone you loved on a downward spiral this is your wakeup call, when your out you will get your life together and start over...or i will have to come kick your ass.

...she really will kick your ass. Yes please.

AHDHJFKKFKKJL; AUDREY LOOKING UNDER GIRL'S SKIRTS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

I have rekindled my love for Grease. I would of been Frenchy.. i still kinda am. I graduated beauty school though one point for me! ...but I am a spelling school drop out. I have this memory of getting called out first in the spelling bee and i could not spell dollar. I still have trouble. (It's okay bb, we love you anyways)

Im seeing Twilight day it opens... cause i love Kristin Stewart and im a nerd. Shhh.

I just realized i wasn't a artist.. but who was i a model? That didn't seem to fit either.

My true soul is in fashion and art. The world is going through some scary and uncertain changes right now. You have to know who you are and what really matters in life in order to be strong.

♥ Audrey forever and ever and ever.

just wanna let you know, i'm still a fan

forcedmovement — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:50:22 GMT

So I promised you bitches a spam, and you're getting a goddamn spam, alright?

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMALL, BUT THEN IT JUST KIND OF...EXPLODED. IDK.

This picspam is ridiculously random. I was going to make a general girls picspam, but then....I got lazy. So it's sort of a lot of Audrey and Jac, and random amounts of other girls that came from whenever I saw a picture and said "Oooh."

DO NOT EXPECT ORDER, THERE IS NONE.

Oh hey, let's start it off with Panic girlfriends!

Hot!Ashlee!

JAC VANEK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE.

Bein' ridiculous, obvs.

I've neglected Hanna Beth in pictures lately. I'M SORRY BB, YOU'RE SO CUTE.

Littlest Audrey! YEAH, I'M COVERING ALL MY BASES.

This is supposed to be Audrey and Brendon. Doing things. Silly thing. Cute things.

UM AUDREY IS TAKING OVER IDK WHAT TO DO.

I guess I can just be really, really happy. *chinhands*

She's so adorable, even with exceptionally bad hair.

Sometimes I just sit and stare in awe at how truly terrible it was.

ASDFHFJKFKFJF; SHE IS SO VULNERABLE IN THIS PICTURE I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Oh hey, what's up Jac, you want to be in this picspam too?

AND HANNA BETH WITH SILLY HAIR? Guys, guys, let's not have a mutiny here.

It's Audrey's show, after all.

I don't think she likes the idea of sharing the spotlight. It's just a feeling I get from her crinkly adorable nose.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M SORRY, HANNA APPARENTLY HAD TO INTERRUPT WITH WHAT MAY POSSIBLY BE THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD ON A T-SHIRT.

Audrey says "OFF WITH THE HORSE HEAD, TRACE CYRUS"

Oh, oh, guysssss. Alicia is here! I went and saved a fuckload of Alicia pictures today, so she's joining the party. (Whatever, she's hung out with Audrey and Hanna before, it's not totally out of left field.)

IDK if you all know this, but Alicia is really hot. HOT ENOUGH TO DISTRACT ME FROM AUDREY.

That's a lot of hot.

Nnnnnnnnghhhhh.

SURPRISE JAC ATTACK!

Pete says it's time for Ashlee though. I generally do what Pete Wentz asks, you know?

Especially because oh my god, I fucking love Ashlee.

YES YES YES ADOPT MILEY CYRUS INTO YOUR AMAZING FAMILY. AND THEN HAVE A REALITY SHOW ABOUT IT. PRETTY PLEASE?

Ashlee: Gorgeous while pregnant!

And gorgeous while not pregnant!

Oh um. Speaking of gorgeous.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR SPAM FOR JAC KISSING A RANDOM GIRL. THANK YOU.

...I wish pictures existed of Jac kissing Audrey. Somebody should manip the shit out of that.

I would marry Audrey Kitching. No joke. Imagine waking up to that. (P.S. FOR THOSE CONCERNED FOR WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN FOR ME AND KALA, NO WORRIES. WE ARE DOWN WITH POLYGAMY.)

Fun fact: this is my least favorite Audrey hair! I actually prefer her crazy lion hair. But she was generally more adorable with the lion hair, and I think rainbow hair coincided with Trashy Life!Audrey, which is my least favorite Audrey. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

And now I'm going to try and lay off the commentary a little, or I'll never finish this at all.

SHE IS JUST SO CUTE I CANNOT HELP BUT SAY SOMETHING, ARGH.

Jac is going to fucking kill you with patriotism. Just you wait.

Hey, you know when Jac had red in her hair? Around the time she was biffles with Audrey.

HEY YOU KNOW HOW JAC KIND OF HAS RED IN HER HAIR AGAIN? My tinhat is on and popping, you guys. On and popping.

Alicia will fuck you up and look gorgeous doing it. I APPROVE.

YEAH JAC, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE YOU SHOULD LOVE AND SNUGGLE? AUDREY.

IN CONCLUSION: GIRLS ARE HOT.

Oh my god, bedtime for Shay. I don't even know what just happened.

cupcakes and cupcakes and...cupcakes, oh my!

forcedmovement — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 20:44:53 GMT

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY bsidetales! I adore you Beth bb.

Yeah, I don't know exactly what the inspiration is here, but I think it might just be awesome.

Technically there's a cake in the middle, but whatever! THE CUPCAKES LOVE YOU MORE THAN CAKE EVER WILL.

Shiny cupcake!

I JUST THOUGHT THESE WERE REALLY CUTE. They're getting marrieddd! And they're cupcakes!

MY FAVORITE KIND OF CUPCAKE PICTURES ARE THE ONES WITH MANY CUPCAKES. HEAPS OF CUPCAKES. CUPCAKES YOU COULD DROWN IN.

Kickass cupcakes! That's an awesome name for a cupcake place. When Kala's sister and I open our bakery, we're going to name it "That Shit Is Fucking Delicious." Yeah. Really.

...I don't really know what the "GOAL WIN" thing is about, but uh....be inspired, Beth! GO FOR THE GOAL! WIN! ROCK OUT WITH YOUR BAD SELF.

Goddamn Batman cupcakes.

I think these are cookie monster cupcakes, I really do, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why they're all different colors, when any Sesame Street alumni knows that cookie monster is just a rich shade of blue.

...the Fantastic Four of cupcakes? I'm not entirely sure what the deal is here, and I REALLY do not know why that one cupcake is naked. Thnks fr th cpck prn. (...cupcake porn.)

CUPCAKE HEAVEN

]

PANDAS. I WANT THEM FOR MY VERY OWN.

Wave your banners high, tiny cupcakes.

Okay, so I get that these are Mario mushroom cupcakes, but I have no idea what the deal is with angry pirate mushroom in the middle there. No idea.

This is apparently supposed to be Dracula: The Cupcake, but it just looks like a monster to me. DRACULA IS NOT RED, PLEASE AND THANK YOU, HE IS WHITE AS THE FUCKING SNOW.

I'm a little disappointed that there's no search bar. I'm just saying.

JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR

JESUS CHRIST IT'S A SKULL SUSPENDED IN A POOL OF BLOOD GET IN THE CAR

This is kind of like an autopsy of a cupcake. How sad....and delicious.

In conclusion, happy birthday Beth! May your day be filled with real cupcakes and awesomeness. ♥

it's not what good girls do

forcedmovement — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 04:02:18 GMT

HI, I'M ABOUT TO RANT ABOUT SOMETHING STUPID NOW.

So Miley Cyrus did something kind of stupid and took some "sexy" pictures for her ex-boyfriend (Nick Jonas, not that anyone's really dragging HIS name through this) and people, of course, are being judgmental little assholes about it. "OMG SHE'S DISGUSTING" "WHAT A HO" etc.

I cannot tell you how much this angers me. Like, I just. Can't. I like Miley Cyrus and all, but even if I hated her this would piss me off intensely. Oh my god, a 15 year old girl took some generally tame pictures for her boyfriend! WHAT AN AWFUL ROLE MODEL. Fucking hell.

She's fifteen years old and that's young, yes. But you know what? I remember being fifteen. I remember being fifteen and being sexual. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with a high school girl exploring sexuality, as long as she's careful. Sex is fun. But I forgot, yes. Girls CAN'T be sexual. Miley Cyrus can't dare take private pictures of herself in a wet t-shirt, Audrey Kitching can't model in a bikini, Vanessa Hudgens can't take naked pictures of herself for her boyfriend. Because it's showing off your body. It's sexual. Slutty. Wrong. It sets a bad example, to be proud of your body. To want other people to see it. It's just like porn. Disgusting. Girls are supposed to be demure. No sex until marriage. Keep your legs closed, don't wear a low-cut top, what are people going to think about you?

I truly hate people sometimes. I hate double standards and I hate the instant hatred for any girl who isn't perfect and most of all, I HATE that this sort of thinking comes from people who I've generally liked in the past. What the actual fuck.

nobody really knows her

forcedmovement — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 04:00:51 GMT

Oh wow.

So, I'm going to make this as brief as I can, but I just wanted to spread this around.

A blog entry of Keltie Colleen's in which she talks about being harassed by supposed Panic fans. It's, to be completely honest, sickening. Whatever you may think of Keltie, whether you love her or hate her, she's just a girl. And she doesn't deserve this. Christ, you guys, she's lost a job because of the hatred being put out by these people.

And because other people will always say it much better than I can, here and here are some posts about Keltie and this situation.

I just. I love this girl with all my heart, I truly do. And all she's ever done is dance, exist, and love Ryan Ross. That's it. You know, I see a lot of people saying she's only with him for the fame, but fuck that. No one would put up with this abuse unless they were in love.

And I just want to thank my friends list for being better than this. Hell, just for being normal, mature, decent people. I have friends who dislike her, which is completely fine by me! Different strokes and all that. But the blind hatred, and the idea that it is completely okay to harass her and hope for her death just because she's dating a dude in a band? Yeah. It isn't okay. And I'm just so thankful that I've surrounded myself with you guys, because I would honestly throw up if I had someone like this on my friends list. Fuck.

Scene Queen Primer PART TWO!

forcedmovement — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:44:35 GMT

This is it, you guys. I'm finally done. I'm so proud of it. I love these girls so freaking much, and I wanted to do them justice. I hope I did.

Part One Part One Continued

Post Breakup Audrey

Audrey, if it's even possible, got even MORE angry and jaded after she stopped being friends with Jac.

She apparently threw herself pretty hardcore into modeling.

Which paid off pretty well when she started modeling (HIDEOUS CLOTHING, OH MY GOD, THESE CLOTHES ARE SO UGLY) for New York Couture.

At some point she dyes her hair the famous pink that everyone knows and loves. Well, that everyone knows, anyways.

She dated Escape the Fate’s Ronnie Radke for like, six months to a year between summer 2006 and summer 2007. EVERYTHING IS VERY UNCLEAR. But they dated.

But she hasn't dated anyone since. I doubt she has the time, honestly? Half her buzznet entries talk about not sleeping, or being relieved to get a few hours of sleep.

For the most part, she's just been modeling. She's made it to the runway, which is incredibly awesome and I'm totally proud of her.

High fashion looks ridiculous! But she's still so pretty.

SO FIERCE. THERE IS STILL A LION WITHIN HER!

Sometimes lions use guns! Little known fact.

I FIND IT HARD TO COMMENT ON THESE PICTURES BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO SAY IS "OH BABY" AND HUG HER HARD.

It's like she's the prettiest princess at the baaaaall.

AUDREY SPARKLES LIKE A FAIRY!

God, she looks so pretty in black and white.

DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT.

You guys, I already have two Skelanimals because of this girl, not to mention the insane amounts of clothing and other merch. And I really want a pink Skelanimal now. It’s so awful. I'm the kind of person that falls for subliminal advertising EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Audrey without makeup! I STILL THINK SHE’S BEAUTIFUL. But, you know, I’m a little biased on account of being her stalker.

Audrey was involved with Zui Suicide (from the Suicide Girls) in a project called Trashy Life from about October 2006 to August 2007. (Audrey and Zui stopped being friends. Naturally.)

Zui is apparently continuing Trashy Life without Audrey, but I never cared much for Zui, so I have no idea what’s going on with that.

Audrey’s own thoughts on her inability to keep friends:

im known for not putting up with bullshit and cutting people out soon as they start to pull that..(meaning "im a bad friend" or as i like to call it "someone as pathetic as you isnt going to try and fuck me over anymore") i have been trying to change my ways and give people more chances. all im doing is setting myself up for more of a let down.

sometimes in life you have to hurt yourself. you have to put yourself in a situation you know you will be hurt in your mind and soul. certain situations in life are much like drugs, they are bad for you, causing pain and taking over your life spiritual sense... yet you still enable yourself to keep going back for more.

i would be lying to you and myself if i said i was going to ever change.

(I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but this girl is severely fucked up, and I kind of love her for it. Hell, I seriously love her for it. I just want to sit her down and work through her issues, because I don’t think anyone ever has.)

i can kick your ass if i need too, but i would much rather love you.

dont think about yesterday because you will never go back.. unnless of course you find the fluxcapasitor then call me.

I think she regrets a lot. Or would if she let herself. I look at her and see this complete internal sadness and I suppose that’s why I’m able to forgive her for being so horrible to all of her friends.

i hold no ones hand .. no one held mine and i turned out ok.
being dependant on anything is a curse.

I love her so much, ugh. She works incredibly hard as a model, is definitely not someone I’d consider a groupie (unless dating three dudes in the past like, four years is equal to groupie status) and despite her incredibly fucked up world view, she’s still someone I have high hopes for. She’s 22 years old. She still has time to change.

BUT OKAY. Enough gushing about my Tragic Audrey.

Post Breakup Hanna Beth

Hanna Beth continued to model! Lucky for all of us. I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS FACE.

She got a job modeling for Skelanimals, which she's still doing now as far as I can tell.

EEEEEEEE FANGS UP! HANNA BETH LOVES COBRA STARSHIP TOO, BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME.

no one likes a girl who speaks her mind. everyone prefers someone who just sits there and listens. not me, i have an opinion about everything.. tuff love. i wear too many rings and and have a million bracelets on my left wrist. i sleep in all of them, they have become apart of me.

CUPCAKE TATTOO! How can you not fall in love with a girl that literally wants a cupcake on her wrist forever? She's so freaking adorable.

MAYBE HANNA BETH IS A JUNGLE CAT. MAYBE THESE GIRLS ARE ALL JUST THAT FIERCE.

And also hot, wow.

where do i even begin.. lately my mind has been racing, and i can't seem to get it to stop. never a dull moment.. i miss the hot summers in east hampton where i would lay in this big white room, listening to the sound of the waves crashing and the music of ryan adams. los angeles.. i can't seem to find peace.. even when i have down time, it seems fake.. i need to relax..

Hanna Beth dated Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls from sometime in the summer of 2007 to around November. They apparently broke up because he cheated on her, which makes me like him a lot less. SHE IS SO ADORABLE AND GORGEOUS, AND MAYBE NOW I SHALL HAVE TO SLAP MARTIN UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A WET NOODLE.

...okay, but they were super cute while they lasted.

Whatever though, Hanna's too hot for him. AND ALSO GETS AN EVEN MORE ADORABLE BOYFRIEND SOON! (Spoiler!)

Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory. My lips at chapped, I feel like I just ran a mile and i'm craving a peach smoothie. Good-Afternoon Los Angeles..

BEST FACE EVER. I AM GOING TO GO DO SOME IMPRESSIONS OF THIS, EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

Hanna Beth is seriously just so pretty and sweet and one of the absolute cutest people EVER EVER. I love her unconditionally, guys, I really do.

AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH WITH TRACE CYRUS. They've been dating since around January of 2008 and they're so freaking amazing. (Trace is from the band Metro Station, and is also TOTALLY HANNAH MONTANA'S BROTHER AND BILLY RAY'S SON, IN CASE YOU WERE NOT AWARE.)

LOOK AT THEIR HATS! I HOPE THEY STAY TOGETHER FOREVER AND HAVE ADORABLY STRANGE BABIES AND ALSO MAYBE HAVE DANCE PARTIES. JUST BECAUSE I LOVE DANCE PARTIES.

Hanna Beth and Audrey

Audrey: hanna is my west coast terror twin.

Audrey and Hanna Beth basically seemed to become best friends after they stopped being friends with Jac. THEIR FRIENDSHIP WAS WONDERFUL AND CUTE BUT IT IS NOT AS AWESOME AS JAC AND AUDREY :(

They are, however, freaking gorgeous. So that's cool!

They went on Warped Tour 2007 to meet and sign things for their fans. Because they're sweet! LIKE CANDY. LET ME LICK THEM.

One thing I've hardcore noticed about Audrey is that she rarely smiles, and most of the times that I HAVE seen her smiling have been with Jac or Hanna. UH, SO I GUESS IT'S REALLY NOT GOOD THAT SHE'S NOT FRIENDS WITH EITHER OF THEM ANYMORE. Oh baby.

They were friends with Jeffree Star for a little while! (Unfortunately. This is the biggest reason why Audrey and Hanna Beth aren't friends anymore. I'LL GET BACK TO THIS LATER.)

It makes me so sad to look at them now. LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY WERE. Going shopping together!

Getting drunk together!

Modeling together!

...shooting things together? WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA.

This was, unfortunately, the last thing Audrey and Hanna did together.

OKAY, SO, THE JEFFREE STAR STORY. Basically, Audrey had apparently been jealous of Jeffree and Hanna's friendship and had been keeping them apart by telling Hanna that Jeffree had been talking shit about her and vice versa. Hanna Beth ran into Jeffree at a party on Valentine's Day this year and they talked and figured out exactly what Audrey had done.

And apparently, Jac was ALSO at this party, and she and Hanna reunited and are besties again! Which is pretty cool, except for how I'm shaking my head sadly and thinking "Oh Audrey."

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT JAC NOW!

Post Breakup Jac

Jac continued to take (awesome, shut up) pictures of herself!

Annnd party with her friends! (While looking SUPER CUTE!)

And randomly hang out with William Beckett? Actually, she's pretty good friends with Beckett, and Gym Class Heroes, as far as I can tell.

She had a cameo in a Cobra Starship video too!

She also manufactures her own line of bracelets. (I OWN THE RUTHLESS BRACELET, I AM SUCH A SUCKER.)

She also makes t-shirts! I do not own this. Yet.

Although for the most part, Jac disappeared from livejournal and the scene for 2007. I assume she spent most of her time studying in college!

Or just being a giant dork, whichever.

But she’s finally posting more in 2008, which is awesome for me, because like, 1/4 of my time is spent stalking her!

playing music gives you this feeling, this emotion, that nothing else can. it gives you peace, it gives you control, it gives you serenity. it makes you feel accomplished, and productive, and just...content. i don't know how to explain it, but i just feel at one with myself and the universe and the music and everything. this is just what i needed. the music will never leave you, it will never backstab you, it will never make you cry (well, you know, it won't yell at you or anything), it will always be there, ready to hug you with open arms.

its summer and i'm living it up. i started interning at the radio station KROQ here in LA. it's great, and i'm so stoked to be meeting all the sweet people that work there. i've been hanging out with lots of new friends. distancing myself from people who brought me down. its funny how meeting such legit people made me realize how others have completely used me for who i know. being heartless and using your "friends" as steps to get further in life is going to come back and bite you in the ass. karma never fails.

After Ryan and I broke up (what was this, like two years ago?), I started getting really emotionally attached to guys really fast. I’d rely on others to make me feel beautiful and complete. And I don’t know what it is, but over the past few months, I’ve just learned to not give a flying shit about guys. (And honestly, why would I? You're all a bunch of damn baboons.) I don’t NEED a boyfriend. I need to focus on ME. I know I’m beautiful. I know I’m happy. You don't need to tell me twice. And that’s a stupendous thing.

JAC VANEK IS BASICALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HIPPIE IN ALL THE WORLD. I could ramble on and on about how I think she's this amazing, strong person with goals and intelligence and just, everything, but. I think you can probably tell by now how I feel about her. (And hopefully you can tell WHY.) Just, *heaaaaaarts*.

Jac and Hanna Beth

Jac: I’m so happy to have Hanna back in my life. We get along so well its insane…its like we were never apart! She’s finally rid herself of so much negative energy. I feel like we all have grown and matured so much, and we’re all going in the same direction.

Yes, that is Gabe.

I don't know what, if anything, is going to happen in the future with Audrey. But I know that I love these girls completely, no matter what they do or how stupid they are. They're beautiful, they're human, and they deserve the best. I truly believe that.

♥

Scene Queen Primer continued! AIEEEEEEEE.

forcedmovement — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:13:19 GMT

Back to the first part!

SO, HERE IS MY JAC AND AUDREY FANGIRL SECTION

Oh god, I’m not going to try and put these in any kind of order or try to talk about how much they seriously mean to me, because it’ll just become incredibly apparent how much I fangirl their friendship, and I think the quotes justify it more than any kind of flailing will.

(Just a quick review of the timeline though: Jac and Audrey were friends from November 2005-June 2006.)

Audrey: iloveyouimissyouineedyoustrongestgirlever
Jac: you know that i love you more than anything ever, right?
yinyang i need you.
fucking so over this bullshit. all i need is you

Audrey: ahh jac i miss you so much :( soon i need you <3 im always here for you and always will be
Jac: i know you are. you mean the world to me aud. you know we're in it together no matter what happens. me and you. you and me.

Audrey: god i love you so much. we will dominate. and i would bey mt life on it.
Jac: i need my bad speller other half back now. i need yinyang. lets get some sushi k?

Jac: i need you for these next couple days. i love you.

Jac: holyshit. i did not know that karma thing was in your profile. thats so fucking strange. whats up yinyang think exactly alike. lets hope karma does eat him alive, though.
i love you. keep me strong.
Audrey: kill me today jac please i need right rigt noe more then you can imagine we need eather fuck money aznd fuck distabnce :(

Jac: Audrey get here too. I need you. Anime&porcelaindoll photoshoots.”

Jac: stay strong today. you know you can do it.
and you know you always have me to fall back on.

Jac: everyone else is only temporary.
i only need you.
ihatethisaudrey.
Audrey: im building a teleport so when we need each other its super easy

Jac: she's the yin to my yang. we're the same person but we're completely opposite. escaped a videoshoot (literally ran a mile down the hollywood hills). who does that? she says one word and i know exactly what song she's talking about.
Audrey: i have no tone and dont know the words to the songs so i make them up and she knows exactly the one i want to hear.

Jac: i love you. so much.
im so happy you are happy.
my loveeeee. =]
Audrey: start looking for temp ying yang tattoos now. hells ganna break loose
fuck i love you!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I WEAR SUCH A TINHAT FOR THESE GIRLS?

Jac: Audrey has been here for a week and basically Hanna, Aud and I have been attached at the hips ever since

OH SNAP, HAVE I HIT HANNA BETH? SWEET.

Hanna Beth Merjos!
You know the drill by now. Some backstory on Hanna Beth, and then we'll get back to her friendship with Audrey and Jac. HERE WE GO!

Yeah, this is one of the oldest pictures I have of her. She might be 15 here! Then again, let's pretend like I didn't say that! MY ABILITY TO FEEL GUILT IS MAYBE COMING BACK.

Hanna Beth Merjos was born on August 24, 1988. Which makes her a year older than me. Which makes me laugh so hard I cry, a little!

I'm pretty sure she grew up in California. Her dad owns a GIGANTIC production company (which you can read more about here: http://hsiproductions.com/About.htm)

She kind of looks like she's in a lesbian threesome here! MAYBE SHE IS. YOU DON’T KNOW.

….it’s just like a bikini. It totally is. I cannot possibly be put in jail for this. Probably.

BUNNIES!

I don't know when she decided to get into modeling or why, but I approve!

I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP POSTING ALL THE HALF-NAKED PICTURES OF HANNA BETH. I can’t help it, though, she’s incredibly hot.

GOLD BIKINI GOLD BIKINI SHINY! (Remember when I used to be coherent?)

I couldn't ask for anything more at the moment.
And even though I seek to fix my imperfections,
I am slowly learning to deal with them,
and turn them into something beautiful.

My outfits never match,
but I think its better that way.

Toys! Hanna Beth loves toys, and cute things, and cupcakes. This is why we are soulmates. Wait, what? THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT.

why do i find myself walking down sunset at 6 in the morning when no one is out and the only sound i hear is my footsteps. where is everyone? i'm not tired. i sit in the car listening to coldplay while ray sleeps in the back with a sleeping bag. i start thinking, i never stop thinking.

Hanna Beth is a chameleon! I’m not going to lie, I literally could not find her the first time I looked at this picture. Shut up. I’ve had a long day.

I am a strong girl, and I will be fighting my way through till the bitter end.

A lot of these pictures are from late 2006! Shhh, don’t tell. My ability to stick to a timeline is nonexistent. I WILL GET BACK TO HER AND JAC AND AUDREY, I PROMISE.

ANIMAL MASKS? She fits right into bandom canon, you guys.

I love her so much! She's gorgeous and happy and like, always upbeat and positive, which is not something you can say for Jac and Audrey. IT'S LIKE SHE'S THE CHEER FAIRY.

LEGS LEGS LEGS BOOTS AND LEGS!

SHE’S TOTALLY 18 AT THIS POINT, GUYS. I think. GO AHEAD AND WRITE FIC ABOUT HOT HANNA BETH/RANDOM GIRL ACTION.

See! 18th birthday shenanigans.

Yes, that is TOTALLY Trace Cyrus at Hanna’s birthday party. A year and a half before they started dating! I have no idea how they met or how long they’ve known each other, but it’s pretty cool. MAYBE HER FATHER PRODUCED A BILLY RAY CYRUS VIDEO. IDK, DID BILLY RAY CYRUS HAVE ANY SONGS OTHER THAN ACHY BREAKY HEART?

So, okay, let's go back in time. Wheee! What fun! Judging by this picture, I’d say Audrey and Hanna Beth have known each other a while.

So let’s just assume that Audrey introduced Hanna Beth to Jac! Okay? It makes complete sense.

And they all became besties and took adorable pictures and lived happily ever after! ...please?

Sidekick ladies! Sometimes I try to hide behind my phone, and then I realize I am not a tiny adorable scene queen. Also I don’t have a sidekick. Also, I’m a moron.

Jac: hanna makes me happyyyyy

I for one squeal in delight whenever these girls flip me off. YES, I WOULD INDEED LIKE TO GET FUCKED BY YOU. (Oh come on, like that's a surprise to anyone reading this.)

ENTER JEFFREE STAR. I do not like Jeffree Star all that much. This is mostly because he’s a douchebag. I think he was Jac's friend first, seeing as how she mentioned him in the beginning of 2006, and introduced him to Hanna and Audrey. Or possibly Audrey knew him and introduced him to Jac who introduced him to Hanna? Piecing things together is so hard. It's like a sexy puzzle with pieces missing. And maybe some pieces are melted, or someone dropped cookie dough on them, and it's all just a hot mess.

Show me your grillz! Or, okay, just your normal teeth. That’s good too. EXCEPT FOR HOW IT ISN’T, I WANT GRILLZ. Do I look like a tooth fairy to you?

So, okay, life is super good and everyone’s happy. Kind of.

Jac: i fucking miss when it was good.
Audrey: :( iloveu

And then something very complicated happened that no one has ever really explained, but Jac and Audrey fell apart. Audrey had apparently been telling lies or talking about Alysia and possibly Jac behind their backs, and everyone found out and got pissed off. Jac and Audrey haven’t spoken since. Hanna Beth chose to stay friends with Audrey instead of Jac (UNTIL RECENTLY, DUHN DUHN DUHN!) and life went on. Except for how my heart has a giant hole in it. God, I'm still waiting for these girls to wake up and realize they need each other.

On to Part Two!

how long till the music drowns you out

forcedmovement — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:13:19 GMT

HEY REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I HAD THINGS TO TALK ABOUT? STILL DO. WELCOME TO THE RANT...

1. It bothers the fuck out of me that people still assume Jac Vanek does nothing other than take pictures of herself. Because she IS in college, and she does have to maintain her GPA, and she's running a business, all of which means she's DOING THINGS OTHER THAN PARTYING AND YOU'D KNOW THAT IF YOU'D TAKE A SECOND TO LEARN. And honestly, even if she did nothing, why exactly does that make her worthless? I do way less than she does. I don't have my own business or go to college. But I drink. I take random crappy pictures of myself and post them online. GUESS THAT MEANS I FAIL AT LIFE.

2. I swear to god, the next time I see "LOL I know personal posts/posts about your life/etc. are boring, but here I am making one!" I am going to shoot a baby. THANKS, THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT 90% OF POSTS THAT I MAKE, THAT MY FRIENDS MAKE, THAT MOST PEOPLE ON LJ MAKE ARE COMPLETELY BORING AND WORTHLESS. Also, does everyone really hate them? Really now? LAST TIME I CHECKED, I AM PART OF EVERYONE, AND I DON'T.

3. Also, I'm truly sorry that I keep commenting on your posts when you clearly don't want me to. It would actually be better if you ignored my comments instead of making bored replies that make it seem like you seriously wish I'd shut up. That's real nice. And classy!

4. Hating Ryan Ross is not a valid lifestyle choice anymore. Things have changed for him, but that's okay.

5. Speaking of hate. If you seriously hate everything about me and Kala, or if you think we're not going to make it, or if you roll your eyes every single time I post about her? You're probably better off defriending me right now. This isn't a ship that's going to crash and burn, so please don't bother sticking around to watch the wreckage. I'd hate to disappoint you.

6. And to bookend this with a scene queen thing: You hate Audrey Kitching because you're exactly like her in some ways. Only less awesome. Sorry to say.

Wow, rants. Uh, that's not all about one person, and some are kind of general. That's all the drama I've got right now, though! IT FEELS NICE TO TALK ABOUT IT. Thnks fr th thrpy, flist!

then you ROCK OUT THE SHOW

forcedmovement — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 20:00:55 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, WHAT, KALA AND I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE METRO STATION'S GUITARIST WHO WE MADE FUN OF FOR LOOKING LIKE AN UNFORTUNATE COMBINATION OF PETE WENTZ AND RYAN ROSS IS ACTUALLY HANNAH MONTANA'S FOR REAL OLDER BROTHER.

I'm sorry if you don't find this as AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS as we do, but I am dying.

UNCUT PHOTO PROOF HERE. SORRY BUT, YEAH.

And if that's not weird enough, the lead singer for Metro Station is Mitchel Musso's brother, who plays Oliver on Hannah Montana. THE REASON THE WHOLE FUCKING BAND WAS STARTED IS BECAUSE OF HANNAH MONTANA, GUYS.

Wow.

still owning my heart

forcedmovement — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 01:21:54 GMT

I want to talk about bandslash a little right now. More importantly, how I FEEL about bandslash. Because it's making me so happy, you guys, but there's something that isn't, and I want to discuss all of it.

Yes, this is really long. No, you don't have to read it. But I have to say it.

I love the new Fall Out Boy video so very much. I think it's important and I think it's beautiful. I love these boys with EVERYTHING I have. I love that they're trying to do something good with their music, not just for their fans, but for the world. I LOVE THEIR MUSIC IN GENERAL. I truly think it's amazing. I love that you can actually hear the growth from EOWYG to IOH, both with the music and with Patrick's vocals. I love Pete's lyrics, and that you can find them sprinkled in his blog entries throughout the years. The lyrics come from his life. And yes, I find them poetic, and yes, they mean just about everything to me. Weeks that I don't listen to From Under the Cork Tree, I feel a little emptier inside. Infinity on High is, to me, the best record they've produced, but From Under the Cork Tree is what saved my life. I don't mean it saved me from death, I mean it saved me from not living. From being numb, and from not trying, and from not caring. It changed me and saved me and it'll never stop being my favorite.

I love the feeling, when you go to a Fall Out Boy show, the energy that's just tingling all around, ready to explode. And it does. When these four tiny boys get on stage, they're not so tiny anymore. Joe and Andy have PRESENCE, they're rocking out and giving it their all, and I have never seen Patrick look so confident, or Pete look so happy, as they look when they're on stage.

I love them all, so very very much, and THEY love each other so very very much. So what I don't get is, how there are Fall Out Boy fans that hate Pete.

Because they're out there, and whether it's people trying to be the opposite of a teenie, or people just genuinely not liking him, it makes absolutely no sense.

Yes, Pete does a lot of fucked up things. He's not perfect. Guess what, you guys. Neither are you. Neither am I. Neither is Andy, or Joe, or Patrick. Unless Pete has personally done you wrong (and no, I don't mean by dating Ashlee instead of you), there is no cause for hatred. Pete is writing what you're singing along with. Those are HIS WORDS. His words that he's letting out into the world, for you to judge and pick apart and use in twisted ways. (*cough* fanfic *cough*) You can be disappointed in his choices, you can dislike the way he presents himself, but. Being a fan of this band, and saying you hate Pete? Saying the band would be better without him? No. Just, no.

I just, I love Pete Wentz, you guys. I really, honestly do, unconditionally. No matter how much he screws up, or if he's being a dick in an interview. I'm on his side, and maybe that's not the right side to be on, but. Pete Wentz doesn't owe me anything. If he wants to go snort coke off a hooker's ass in his spare time, I honestly don't care. (Not that he would. He's not Mike Carden.)

But back to the love. Because, I want to talk about some of the things Pete Wentz has done for me, besides save my life.

He brought Panic At the Disco to the world's attention.

You guys. You GUYS. Panic At the Disco are just....okay. I've had this rocky relationship with loving Fall Out Boy over the years. Not with loving the music. That's been constant since I first heard Reinventing the Wheel in a video game way back in 2005. But I've been constantly defensive or ashamed OF loving them until recently. But Panic, oh Panic. I cannot describe to you in words how I felt hearing their record for the first time, listening through and feeling in my bones that this was good music. That it was different from absolutely anything I'd ever heard, and that the words were just...CLEVER. So clever. I listened to Fever the entire way to Myrtle Beach (a good 15 hour drive) because I couldn't not. I was captivated with the melodies and the words and Brendon's VOICE, just. God, I still love everything about it to this day, but sometimes I wish I could recapture the surprise I felt that first time.

But then you guys, oh man, hearing Nine in the Afternoon and Middle of Summer, I feel like they WILL let me recapture that. That when the new record comes out I'll just be sitting there, thinking "This is so GOOD. This is AMAZING. Who IS this?" again, completely forgetting the boys, not thinking about RyanBrendonSpencerJon and the Amazing Epic Story of Guy Love. I'll just be hearing the music, and getting lost inside of it.

And then I'll listen to it again, and I'll remember them. Remember how much I LOVE these boys. Think about Ryan sitting in the cabin writing and rewriting and having to push Brendon's head off his notebook. Think about Ryan saying "Guys, you know what, we're going to make happy music now." Think about Spencer growing up into a real boy and letting Jon convince him to wear flip flops. And above all, think about how lucky I am, that I get to feel this. That I can love the music most of all, but love the fandom and love these boys too.

Pete Wentz gave me that. He gave me Panic, he gave me TAI (who I've now seen four times this year), and Gym Class Heroes (who made me cry at the VMAs, I was so PROUD of them), and the Hush Sound (who make some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard) and Cobra Starship (who have never, ever failed to make me dance).

Most importantly, he's led to me to the most amazing group of friends I've ever had in my entire life.

So, yes. It pisses me off that people hate him. But mostly? I just feel sorry for them. I can't imagine not having this glowy, wonderful feeling I've had in my heart ever since I entered this fandom and I owe that all to Pete.

I didn't know where I was going when I started this entry, but now that it's done, I can see what it became. It's a love note. To Pete. ♥

to sweet beginnings and bitter endings

forcedmovement — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 23:02:09 GMT

IT'S PIZZA FRIDAY, TIME FOR ME TO SAY THINGS THAT PEOPLE WILL SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND GROAN AT!

-Oh my god, Ryan Ross your fucking FACE. Your fucking FACECAKE. Your fucking HOTASS GIRLFRIEND JUMPED OUT OF A BOX FOR YOU. Let me have your life, please.

-Hahahahahaha WOW. I'm sorry, I cannot stop laughing at the "BRENDON/JON/SPENCER WEREN'T AT RYAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY, THE BAND IS BREAKING UPPPPP" comments. Really now? Guys, they were totally waiting for him naked at home. Ryan banned pants on his birthday. EVEN TIGHT ONES.

-Guys, guys, seriously, someone get me a hot girl in a box for my birthday. *cough*JacVanekJacVanekJacVanek*cough* COME ON. I'LL LET YOU ALL HAVE LAPDANCES.

-SPEAKING OF HOT GIRLS AND UNPOPULAR OPINIONS!

You Would Still Give Me The World: The Audrey/Jac Mix

Liner Notes: Or Shay's insane boredom taking hold

(The liner notes are just....quotes I grabbed from Jac and Audrey's journals, comments to each other, etc. Sometimes they're quoting other people, sometimes it's in their own words, but when you've got your tinhat on, everything looks like it's about one of them.)

Meet Me At My Window - Jack's Mannequin
Hard Candy - Counting Crows
Five Minutes to Midnight - Boys Like Girls
The World You Love - Jimmy Eat World
In This Life - Chantal Kreviazuk
Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
Hurricane - Something Corporate
Dice - Finley Quaye
The Luckiest - Ben Folds
Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
American Girls - Counting Crows
Pills - The Perishers
There's No "I" In Team - Taking Back Sunday
Inside Out - Eve 6
Konstantine - Something Corporate
Winter - Joshua Radin
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
Summer Sunshine - The Corrs

PIZZA IS HERE NOW, SO I'M RUNNING AWAY.

Cupcake! At the Disco

forcedmovement — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 19:34:12 GMT

Okay, so maybe certain people made cupcakes last night, and maybe they're extra special Panic! At the Disco cupcakes for the ever lovely wordsaremyfaith. And maybe Jon and Spencer look kind of awful, but Ryan and Brendon look extremely cute. And maybe there is PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE RIGHT BEHIND THE CUT!

May I present....BRENDON URIE! Brendon was fabulous. He was the first one I made ~~after several failed attempts at Spencer~~ and was just the most amazing. The top hat was too much fun.

His eyes look vaguely threatening, however, but I figure it's Stage!Brendon, so that's fine.

Next up.....RYAN ROSS!

Ryan is my personal favorite. I don't know. His eye makeup makes me happy. I don't know if I'll be able to eat him.

Okay. So. Here we have.....SPENCER SMITH! (Erm, when he had longer hair, because that's his only goddamn distinguishing feature.)

Yeah. I think the less said about poor Spencer, the better.

And finally....JON WALKER!

But...can I just...hi. Jon Walker is hard to capture in cupcake form. Jon Walker's awesomeness is just, you cannot limit it to a tiny baked good. Okay? Okay.

So, um, I was trying to do stubble here, with the frosting, only stubble? On a cupcake? FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE. So it's...well. Messy, and he's got CRUMBS on his chin, which my friend Kristine totally justified by saying he ate one of the other cupcakes. So let's just pretend I made a Brent cupcake, and Jon ate it, and that's why his face is all messy. Okay. Yeah.

Group shot!

Oh, boys.

On the plus side, practice makes perfect, right? Any suggestions for what I should do to improve the next time I make them are completely welcome. More than welcome, even.

*eats*

ETA: Annnnd for old time's sake, and because not everyone saw them the first time around:

The Fall Out Boy cupcakes! Oh, boys.

Friends Cut

forcedmovement — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 04:05:06 GMT

Okay, so, I just did my first (and hopefully last) friends cut. I hate it. I hate having to cut people I've known for quite awhile, but I just feel extremely out of touch here, and I hate that feeling. I wanted LJ to become a personal, great experience again, the way it was when I first started out. (Oh, nostalgia). So I do apologize to those who've been cut, and I wish you the best. If you truly feel like I've made a mistake, please feel free to comment.