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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries.
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2002.02.11 18.55 Enjoy the Silence For those of you who don't know the song....yet: Words like violence Break the silence Come crashing in Into my little world Painful to me Pierce right through me Can't you understand Oh my little girl All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here in my arms Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm Vows are spoken To be broken Feelings are intense Words are trivial Pleasures remain So does the pain Words are meaningless And forgettable All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here in my arms Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm Enjoy the silence |
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2002.02.07 00.29 Mnemonic Walking on snow again The kind with a skin of ice Remember now How it feels to say "be careful" How it feels to not care Drive me now On dark roads with bright lights Heat up, windows down Letting it go now And her hand is on the back of my head And it's just right Mood:  blank
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2002.02.02 17.10 What's black and white and grey all over? Its 5:00 P.M. and I feel as though I haven't accomplished one worthwhile thing today. Correction...a good shower is always an accomplishment in my mind. I'm going to see Sevendust tonight at Northern Lights with Jarrett, Sarah, and Charlie which should kick all kinds of ass. I hope to do some sort of concert review or something tomorrow or later tonight time permitting. Last night was kind of a non-night. I ended up at a few parties that I just wasn't feeling. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong, and its not like anything had gone awry in my life...I just wasn't in the most social of moods. I either have a great time or a abysmal time...its this "all or nothing"/" black and white" syndrome I suffer from, and its completely random. I try to see things at face value sometimes....every cloud has its silver lining blah blah blah. But when I try to see the positive aspect of a negative thing it just feels like some sort of cheap candy coating. Oh and on a tangential frame of mind "Melts in your mouth not in your hand" is a bullshit slogan and Mars should be sued for every penny they're worth. When I was younger...actually come to think of it, any long family car trip where we'd stop to get gas my Dad would always make sure to pick up a bag of M&Ms. From his driver's seat position he would divy up and distrubute the treasured candy to us lowly backseat dwellers. I knew my small handful would have to last at least a few miles of highway before i could ask for another, so there incarcerated in my greedy, sweatly little palm the tiny chocolate candies would reside for minutes on end. Lo and behold, after the last one was consumed Id look down to find faint trails in shades encompassing the entire candy spectrum. This always urked me to an extent... I mean was it so much to ask of the chocolate gods? I certainly think not. Getting back to my earlier analysis, when critisized for seeing things in only black and white...which has been more than once believe me, i think of how fucking BLURRY things would appear if I were to look things dead on, taking both extremes attempting to make some kind of mythical happy medium. So next time someone advises me to stop viewing the world in black and white, I'll just close my eyes and imagine what the remnants of a handful of M&M's looks like on a long summer drive, and reply "no thanks". Mood:  nostalgic
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2002.02.01 15.10 Wax Philosophical/ Parabol Who knows what a parable is? My understanding is that it is some sort of myth or tale from which you can glean any moral or introspective meaning. With that said let me get philosophical on your asses for a moment before a dive into the bulk of this entry. As I see it we are between points A and B. I'm somewhere in No Man's Land, looking back at the person I started out as, and with my hand shielding my eyes from the glare of the future, I'm squinting at the life I will someday step into. I think the primary catalyst for the changes I have and undoubtedly continue to undergo, are the people...friends/foes, that surround me in my personal experience. Id like to believe that this is a process of improvement and that I can be proud and stand at the end beaming in the glow of my accomplishments. These people, characters in my story are of the utmost importance, as they an d there influence are vital to my eventual outcome. So I guess ill introduce you to some of the characters in my story. I know this guy, smart dude, he likened this aforementioned journey to a cross country drive. He described to me quite vividly cruising down route 66 in his car, over some nameless flat expanse. The highway straight and easy, stretched out before him, seemed almost routine until he hit a ravine where the bridge was out. Unable to bring his foot to the brake in ample time, he felt the back tires leave the asphalt hands still gripping the wheel. He attempted to describe to me the feeling of closing your eyes, soaring through the air the only sound you can hear is the wheels spinning. That moment of being airborne not knowing where you are and what was going to happen. Eventually the chassis of the car slammed onto the connecting stretch of highway and in a cloud of dust and a little shaken up...he continued his journey no worse for wear. While less analogical but a fine description regardless, I think another person sums up this feeling quite beautifully. I knew a girl who when faced with life's confusions, she simply shook her head from side to side. This was her version of gripping the wheel with both hands and waiting for the car to make its own landing. Its what we do when we are faced with things that are (seemingly) out of our control. I guess sometimes you have to enjoy the road even when its not underneath you, but at the same time you can't shake your head constantly because that's when disbelief takes over. Next entry ill try to make a little less introspective, I hope some of you could relate, remember feel free to comment on these entries and of course...rock on Mood: contemplative
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calm