Just A Flight Attendant Guy

[Fic] Can You Hear Me Now

flightattdntguy — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:33:32 GMT

Ring-ring
“Come on, come on. . . .”
Ring-ring
“Please pick up, please.”
Ring – click “Hello?”

Simon Garfunkle pumped his fist. “Yes! Finally!” He’d been trying for hours to get through, and now, finally, it had paid off!
“Uh, nice to meet you too. Who is this?”
Simon blinked as he realized he didn’t recognize the voice on the phone. It was female, that much he could get, but it was definitely not his mother. “I could ask the same of you. This is the Garfunkle house, right?” Oh, damn, don’t let me have forgotten my own freaking phone number.
“Yeah. Come on, tell me who you are. My boyfriend and I are getting ready to watch some MST3K.”
Boyfriend? “Oh! Denise! Hi! It’s Simon! Can you get Carey?”
“SIMON?! Holy shit!” Simon heard her turn away from the phone. “Carey! Get over here, your brother’s on the line!”
There was the sound of hurried footsteps, then a familiar male voice came on. “Simon! Jesus, dude, where have you been? Where are you?”
“I don’t know, I’m at some gas station on the interstate,” Simon reported, looking out at the cars speeding by. “Only place I could find a goddamn payphone.”
“Dude, I told you to get a new cell. What’s happened to you the past few weeks? Mom and Dad are worried sick!”
“I know, I know, and – I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you,” Simon admitted, feeling suddenly awkward. How was he supposed to explain to his brother that he’d had to fight off an entire town of zombies on his own? It had been hard enough convincing Carey that he wasn’t lying about the squid thing. He still wasn’t sure if Carey actually believed him, or had just said he did to shut him up.
“Tell him about the thing,” Denise said in the background, obviously trying to listen in.
“I’m gonna – it’s been crazy here, Simon,” Carey told him. “I mean, it was bad enough when you stopped calling – Mom was sure you’d been in an accident and was lying in a ditch somewhere. You know how she is. . .then, a few days ago, we saw on the news that some town out in the country apparently got infected with this weird disease, and – I swear I’m not lying to you here, Simon – they all turned into zombies. Actual freaking zombies. They sent the military out, but somebody else apparently got there first, because they were all dead – uh, again – by the time they arrived! Can you believe that?”
Simon stared at the phone a moment, stunned. No way. . . . “Did – did they happen to find my car?” he blurted without thinking.
There was a brief silence. “. . . what?”
Simon winced. He could have segued into that better. “Uh, yeah. I stumbled into zombie town a few days ago.”
“Holy shit! Are you okay?!”
“Yeah, I’m fine. In fact--” Here Simon couldn’t help a little pride leaking into his voice. “I’m the reason they’re not gonna be able to infect anybody else.”
“. . .Back up a minute there, bro. You’re saying you killed all those zombies?”
“Yeah. I mean, they did nearly eat me, and I couldn’t have done it without there being a store that sold flamethrowers there, but – yeah, your brother’s the brave zombie killer now. Who’s down a car. Seriously, did they see it there? My feet are killing me.”
“I don’t know. . .they had a shop that sold flamethrowers?”
“Yup. Shocked me too. Really lucky break, though.”
For a minute, all was silent. Then Carey finally said, “So. You fall out of a plane and get caught by a squid, then you get stuck in this zombie town and manage to kill them all. I’m really starting to believe this whole theory you have of the universe screwing with you.”
“That better not be sarcasm, Carey,” Simon said, starting to feel a little annoyed. “I’ve been through hell. I’m not in the mood.”
“No, I’m dead serious. I mean, you’ve got honest-to-God proof for this one. And if this happened. . . .”
“Then people might actually believe the giant squid thing?”
“Exactly.” Another pause. “Are you really okay?” Carey asked, sounding quite worried. “I mean, if you lost your car and had to fight off an entire town of zombies all on your own. . . .”
“I’m tired and kind of hungry,” Simon admitted. “But I’m not about to keel over dead or start moaning for brains. You can tell Mom to stop worrying so much. Soon as I get off, I’m asking the store owner for a map and directions to the nearest bus stop or rental place. And a candy bar.” Simon checked his watch and winced. “Which should be in the next 30 seconds, as my quarters are about to run out. I’ll see you soon, Carey.”
“I hope so, Simon. Try not to run into any more craziness before you get back, okay?”
“I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll sure as hell try. Bye Carey.”
“Bye Simon.”
“Bye Simon!” Denise’s voice called as he hung up. Simon let out a deep sigh. Well, at least now the folks knew he was alive and well. Now he just had to figure out how to get back.
Without running into that weird Nexus again.

(OOC: For those of you wondering, Simon's brother Carey and his girlfriend Denise are the stars of the Lemon Demon/Too Much Spare Time Animation video Geeks In Love.)

OOC: Dear Santa Meme

flightattdntguy — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:38:44 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In November I helped docsgirl hide a body (-173 points). In May I pulled over and changed clockwork_doc's flat tire (15 points). Last month I gave deadgirlsliekme a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Last Wednesday I didn't flush (-1 points). In September I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-864 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!

Sincerely,
flightattdntguy

Oh, I only WISH I could rule over a town as the cruel and heartless dictator! Even Duluth, Minnesota.

And that's what was in the bag I helped Vic drag to the garbage? ;)

OOC: Blogthings Meme

flightattdntguy — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:26:12 GMT

Going around courtesy of hart_on_sleeve:

You Have a Passionate First Name

You are a loving, emotional person. You think and act from the heart, and that sometimes gets you in trouble.

You are very intense and impulsive. You go with your intuition, even if your intuition is telling you to make a very bold move.

You tend to feel strongly about everything in life. You have big emotions that sometimes conflict one another.

You have a wild streak, and you're known to be unpredictable. You chase your dreams.

What Kind of First Name Do You Have?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Uh -- yeah, I guess it's not really that off. God knows my life's definitely unpredictable. And I do tend to go with my gut on stuff. (Even if it leads to weird shit.)

OOC: Background Memes

flightattdntguy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 02:26:20 GMT

Two background memes I've taken to using as general backstory generators for all my characters. First, a 14-question piece written in-character as Simon:

1. What would your character kill for? What would they die for? Well, I’ve killed zombies, but that was more or less to save my own skin – didn’t look like anyone else had survived in that town. I’d like to think I’d do the same to protect my friends. As for dying. . . . To prevent anything nasty like that zombie thing from getting passed on. I was REALLY lucky not to be bitten, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.

2. What would they refuse to do under any circumstances? Why? I guess work to spread something like zombism? I’m a monster hunter, not a monster creator. Though I’m kind of new at the former, to be sure. Anyway, I don’t want to go wrecking people’s lives, so yeah. If I got bitten by one of those freaks, my first request would be for someone to kill me so I wouldn’t hurt anybody else ~~and so I wouldn’t have to see myself~~

3. What do they dream about? [Either literal or figurative, specify please.] Literal dreams tend to involve the craziness I find in everyday life. I’ve had a lot of zombie nightmares after that one trip, let me tell you. The ones about falling out of the airplane aren’t so bad, though – in those, either I discover I can fly, or me and that squid end up going on adventures. As for the life goal sort – really, my only goal is to survive whatever the world throws at me at this point. And maybe keep the rest of humanity safe from it. (Though sometimes I wonder if I’m really the hero type.)

4. What’s their biggest fear? Ending up a zombie. After battling those corpses in that weird little town. . . . I mean, being a vampire I think I could deal with. Vampires don’t rot. But a zombie. . . *brrr*

5. What single object would they be most hard pressed to part with? Why? . . . I can’t decide between the chainsaw, the shotgun, or the flamethrower. All were pretty much vital to me surviving that zombie plague, and I’ve gotten pretty attached to all of them. You never know what’s around the next bend – especially when you’re me. If I absolutely had to pick one – I think the flamethrower. Though the shotgun comes a close second. (The chainsaw I like, it’s just heavy.)

6. What is their fondest memory? Winning that court case was pretty nice. I sued the manufacturers of the airplane I fell out of, you see – I mean, I’m clumsy, I’ll admit that right off the bat – but after I got back on dry land and started thinking straight again, I realized I should have NOT been able to open that door so easily in mid-air! What if it had been a passenger – or a passenger’s little kid – who fell out? So I sued the guys for defective products. It was a hard case, but eventually word got out, other accidents involving those planes came to the forefront, and I won two million dollars from the bastards. Ahh, the sweet taste of victory. Plus, I know now there’s a lot less people who are going to get hurt from falling out of a defective plane door. (Not that that happens often, but you get the idea.)

7. What is their worst memory? That one moment in the zombie-infested town where I gave up hope. That whole trip was kind of a series of bad memories (losing my car, getting grabbed by a zombie, seeing that sword fly out of my hands), but that was the absolute worst. I’d been hiding for hours, just barely avoiding getting eaten, and just for a second, I thought, “I can’t win. I might as well just march out there and get killed.” Luckily I regained my senses enough to realize that I shouldn’t just do that, I should at least go down fighting. Still – not a good moment.

8. What or who was were their most significant influence? Expound. I don’t know about a who, but I’m pretty sure I know the what. You see, my birthday happens to be – wait for it – April Fool’s Day. I firmly believe that being born on the day everybody knows for pranks has affected the rest of my life and makes me a weirdness magnet. It didn’t start with falling out of that airplane, you know. I was getting into weird shit even as a kid. Once got stuck in the school ventilation system. I was – kind of susceptible to peer pressure back then. Though it was kind of fun crawling around in all those tubes.

9. What do they believe makes a successful life? Well, not being born on April Fool’s Day would be a good start. I guess working hard, making friends, and making a mark on the world. I guess I haven’t done too bad by those standards. Even though nobody’s probably going to believe me about the zombie thing. And falling out of the airplane wasn’t exactly my best moment. . . .

10. What makes them laugh? Well, I’m a big fan of guys like Weird Al – I love parody songs. I’m a fan of limericks too. However, I feel it necessary to say that I don’t like most April Fool’s Day pranks. Some of the website ones are funny, but most the ones actual people play. . . Well, try having April 1st be your birthday and you’ll see what I mean.

11. What are their religious views? I believe God exists – I mean, a guy who survives falling out of an airplane mid-flight thanks to an appropriately timed squid would have to. I’m still trying to figure out if he’s toying with me or if I just have really weird luck. Either seems plausible.

12. What is their greatest strength? Does “incredible luck” count as a strength? As much as the universe likes to toy with me sometimes, it doesn’t seem ready to kill me off just yet. I’ve yet to suffer any serious injury from one of my adventures. I mean, I broke my leg as a kid, but that was from falling out of a tree – fairly standard stuff. I fall out of an AIRPLANE, and I survive with nary a scratch because a squid catches me. I run into a town full of ZOMBIES, and the worst I get is one of the sleeves of my shirt getting ripped off. It’s crazy, seriously.

13. Do they have a fatal flaw? If so, what is it? I’d have to say my fatal flaw is my clumsiness. I tend to trip and slip on stuff a lot, and drop stuff too. Since that’s led to me falling out of an airplane 20,000 feet up and nearly getting eaten by zombies, I’d say it’s pretty fatal! If not for the incredible luck, mentioned above, I’d be dead about five times over by now.

14. Who is the most important person in their life? Uh – well – I haven’t seen any of my old friends in a while, I’m currently wandering the countryside alone, I haven’t talked to my parents or my brother in ages. . . . I guess, for the moment, me. I know, sounds selfish, but I’ve all I’ve got at the moment, until I get my hands on a cell or find somebody to talk to. ~~Though if we’re including museverse in this, I’d have to say Lucy. Great gal, really.~~

And a twenty question survey exploring mostly Simon's romantic issues.

01.) Full name? Simon Arthur Garfunkle

02.) Best friend? His brother, Carey Casey Garfunkle, and his grade school friend Tom Richard Harrison. (He hasn’t talked to either in a while, though, thanks to his crazy adventures.)

03.) Sexuality? Straight male

04.) Favorite color? Green

05.) Relationship status? Single (has a crush on Lucy in the Museverse)

06.) Ideal mate? Someone who doesn’t mind that he tends to be clumsy and get into really weird situations. Somebody else with a knack for finding zombie-infested towns or falling out of airplanes would be perfect. Either that or someone with a talent for pulling people out of such situations.

07.) Turn-ons? Red hair, musical talent, and a nice pair of legs

08.) Last sexual experience? About a week before he hit zombie town, Simon decided to catch some drinks at a bar near the motel he was staying at. A girl named Cathy was there, loudly bemoaning her breakup with her fiancé. Simon provided a friendly shoulder to cry on, they both got very drunk, and Simon ended up taking her back to his motel room. The morning after, Cathy told him she didn’t want to start a relationship – she was actually a little embarrassed about going to bed with a guy she just met. Simon felt roughly the same, and they parted ways amicably – though Simon left town a little earlier than he intended, the whole experience making him feel kind of awkward.

09.)Favorite food? Potato chips and peanuts – his first job was a flight attendant, and he developed a taste for the snacks they served.

10.)Crushes? He has a bit of a thing for Ally Sheedy. He also had a major crush in high school on a girl named Matilda, who was in his sophomore earth science class. Asked her out twice, got rejected both times.

11.)Favorite music? He likes the band Lemon Demon – of course, they’re the reason he exists, so. . . . He’s a fan of Weird Al too. He likes that sort of parody music.

12.)Biggest fear? Ending up a zombie, like the ones he fought. He’s a little cynical, but in general a good-natured guy, and the idea of ending up as something that eats other human beings makes him squirm. Not to mention the rotting thing. . . .

13.)Biggest fantasy? To be a proper badass hero. He doesn’t like that he can only do the whole ‘Terminator’ thing occasionally, and the rest of the time he’s a klutz. He’d like to be more like your typical action hero. At the very least, he’d like people to stop looking at him funny when he says he was a flight attendant. (Not, it is not just a girl’s job, thank you very much.)

14.)Quirks in bed? He’s noisy. Not loud – noisy. He tends to grunt and groan a lot, no matter what he’s doing.

15.)Bad habits? He bites his nails. Has ever since he was a kid. He also trips and falls a lot, if you consider clumsiness/not always looking where you’re going a bad habit.

16.)Biggest regret? Losing his cellphone after the airplane incident. After receiving that random call in mid-air, it disappeared from his pocket – Simon’s pretty sure it got flung out when that squid tossed him. Since he didn’t use it much, he never bothered to replace it. Then he stumbled into that zombie-ridden town where the payphones didn’t work. He’s looking into getting a new one, just so he can call his family and tell them he’s all right.

17.)Best kept secrets? After a lot of disbelief, strange looks, and outright declarations of “What funny farm did you escape from?”, Simon’s learned to keep the real reason he survived that fall from the plane to himself. Not many people know the full story about the squid. And he hasn’t really gotten a chance to tell anyone about the zombies yet.

18.) Last thought? Would probably be, “Oh, I knew this was going to happen someday. Bring it on.”

19.) Worst sexual/romantic experience? His prom date. Simon took a girl friend named Harriet to the prom, with the intention of showing her a good time and maybe going a little further than friendship. (Hey, he was a teenager, cut him some slack.) The date started off well, but then Simon’s clumsiness came into play, and he ended up dumping two full glasses of punch all over her, ruining her dress. Harriet was furious and stormed out of the gym – Simon followed her, only to trip again and tear her sash. He attempted to apologize, but Harriet was too angry to acknowledge it and called her parents to take her home. Simon was left sitting on the sidelines for the rest of the prom. Harriet eventually forgave him, but the friendship petered out after the incident.

20.) Biggest insecurity? That one of these days he’s going to mess up and get either himself or someone else killed. His clumsiness generally goes away when he’s being badass, but Simon’s worried that he’ll just be walking down the street with his weapons, and – BANG! He’s compulsive about leaving all the safeties on if he’s not using them.