I promise you won't forget this one

Foot Ball Practice

firehead30 — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:06:34 GMT

Title: Football Practice
Warnings/Author's Notes: Drew/Emmett
Beta: all of my beta's are writing like good stuff

I watched Emmett walk towards me with that “Drewsie please” look on his face. Emmett didn’t want me to fuck him so hard he limps with the limp of a happy bottom. No, he wants to watch Lana Turner movies

“Drew honey, you are more handsome than Cliff Robertson in Love has Many Faces, but are you buff like Kirk Douglas in The Bad and the Beautiful?”

“Emmett, I am a professional football player. I need practice. I am going to rim you 53 licks for each one of her movies, then fuck you till Madam X …”

“Let’s practice.”

Teh Smackdown Battle Ben vs. Brian

firehead30 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:02:05 GMT

It has came to my understanding that there are some in our beloved fandom that do not think Ben Brucker is the hottest most beautifulest and smartestest man on a little show you may be familiar with, Queer as Folk. I was most shocked at this revelation of perceptual ineptitude.

WHADAYAMEANYOUDON'TTHINKBENISTEHHOTTEST?!?!?! *pouts*

I thought I would put together a visual essay comprised of pictorial evidence, along with my canon based synopsis.

After much very careful consideration, I think you will completely agree with me on Ben's winness and yes that is a real world, but we will discuss word usage a bit later.

Now, on with what matters...the evidence
.

The first example of Ben's winness, ~~and yes, winness is a word. Wanna see my SAT scores?~~ is how he can so take Brian...Brian's gonna be toast, Brian's gonna be toast...did you hear my sing song voice there?
I love it when Brian and Ben go all alpha male. It makes my heart go pitter pat.

ZOMG did you see the size of Ben's neck, *faints* But you know Roid Rage is well hmmmm let's move on

Brian and Ben both lift weights. Let's see who has he better technique.

Uh oh...I think Ben has to help Brian out here.

Yep, Brian needed a bit of help.

Now let's move on to the CRUCIAL aspect of a manliness, dancing. Yes, dancing. Let's compare Brian and Ben all sweaty, with glitter reflecting off of their bronzed skin. *licks a wee bit* *SLURP*

OH NOES *iz skeered* how did that get in there?

Must have brain bleach, must have brain bleach....

OKKKKK much better. *stares*

Oh sorry what was I talking about?? *wipes drool, puts on a very serious face*

Let me preface this with the words of Justin.....He is only like the hottest guy I have ever seen And you know, Justin is perfect, just ask xie_xie_xie. *kiss*

And this is what Justin saw.....

Versus.....

Clearly, Justin is right, as can be seen from this picture here. You do see the smart alec rightness on his face don't you...oh and Ben's abs. Look, Brian's got his arms crossed, all closed off, he KNOWS Ben's a better dancer. And then look at how Michael looks at Brian...just face facts Brian, Ben wins. *nods with Michael*

I told you my evidence was based in canon.

A thoughtful study should include how each man would bring you a glass of water in bed. The first example is Brain...hmmmm I think his technique could use some work.

I think it is kind of selfish to pour the water all over himself and leave you still thirsty. I mean come on, what was Justin thinking when this happened? Did Brian really think a rimming lesson would make up for a dry mouth?

Moving on, moving on...

Yeah, I thought so. Excuse me, I have a tall drink of water to consume.

For the FINAL test....Who looks better sprawled out and waiting for you in bed. This shall take very careful scrutiny.

Well, I suppose he is hot, but the cigarette and the hair kill it for me. But if you don't mind guys with bad hair that smoke...you now, Justin kind of liked him and as xie_xie_xie says, Justin is perfect. He wanted Brian and he shaved all of his hair off in S4, so you know, whatever.

But I think we need to examine Ben's bedsprawledoutedness ~~Again, this is a real word. Red, need I remind you of those SAT scores?~~ in order to make a proper and thoughtful comparison.

Irrefutable. Ben wins.

caps taken from callie89, zaipixie, and rebeccama, marilla_pm67, KWAF, many thanks and loves to vlredreign for finding some of these caps.

Let's Go Rim a Twink

firehead30 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:35:09 GMT

Title: Let's Go Rim a Twink
Warnings/Author's Notes: like I will go into a nunnery now

Yes, I have been humming this in my head for two days now BAD BAD BAD

Gus was on his second viewing of Mary Poppins. Five hours of practically perfect was making my dick permanently placid. Why didn’t he want to watch The Fox and The Hound? That at least had decent homoerotic subtext.

Gus started singing softly and I drifted off, his head tucked under my chin.

Let's go rim a twink
Make him squirm and blink
Let’s go rim a twink
And send him soaring

Up through the anusphere
So that his dick leaks clear
Oh, let's go rim a twink

Oh, fuck no, wrong; not in my brain.

“Gus, Mary Poppins scares Daddy.”

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

firehead30 — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:30:08 GMT

Title: Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Warnings/Author's Notes: ummm I rather mutilate a child's prayer
Beta: vlredreign

Brian paced around the loft, swearing. He sat at the computer attempting to work, abruptly calling Gus. They talked for 48 minutes while Gus prattled on: super heroes, JR’s being scared of monsters, and how gross it was watching his moms kiss. Brian ended the conversation with “I love you Sonny Boy, take good care of JR”. He paced, fumed. Called Michael to see how Ben was doing, paid Debbie’s mortgage.

He muttered about Saint Fucking Joan, throwing back yet another glass of Beam, gnashing his teeth on the rim.

“Brian, we need to do an exorcism. Bedroom, now, naked.”

Putting on a dark red slave collar I knelt between his spread legs, taking the glass of Beam; flicking the amber liquid on his chest, reciting:

“Now I spread Justin’s ass to eat,
I must lick his hole before I sleep.”

“Sunshine, you're going to hell.”

"Pffft dickhead, let me finish ….. May Brian remember the one who wants a dutiful son almost destroyed him. May he also remember the one who calls him "that asshole" adores him."

He cupped my head, threading his fingers through my hair. I sealed the exorcism by licking the Beam off of his chest.

A Truly Operatic Event

firehead30 — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:42:16 GMT

Title: A Truly Operatic Event
Warning/Author's notes: ummm Cynthia-Theodore-Brian....with a tiny implied hint of Teddy/Blake
Beta: vlredreign

Cynthia stormed into my office, slapping down a first class E-ticket to Tokyo.

“Either His Royal Prickness fucks Justin, soon, or I am going on vacation, NOW. I told him to go fuck himself, but apparently the hand of the master isn’t what it used to be.”

“Yes, I know he’s distracted, a little irritable…”

“He accepted the slogan “Got Breastmilk.”

I went to Brian’s office, cursing Justin’s show in Japan.

“Hey Bri, last night while I was rimming Blake he moaned Puccini. Tonight I thought I would lick him until he whimpered Pavarotti.”

Brian took the ticket.

“Sayonara, Theodore.”

What the World Needs Now

firehead30 — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:36:26 GMT

Title: What the Word Needs Now
Warning/Author's Notes: Debbie, you heard me, Debbie, sings.
Beta: I was too ashamed to ask.

This is actually a long distance dedication to dirtylttlescret, she knows why.

Babylon was packed with sweating, gyrating bodies. Glitter twinkled down as Debbie took center stage. No, not your average night of beautiful men, but a talent competition fundraiser for the Vic Grassi House.

Debbie tapped the mic.

“I am dedicating this song to my community. But most of all to the little asshole who doesn’t think I understand him.”

“What the world needs now,
is fucking and sucking
What the world needs now,
is cocks in asses,
(Covered in condoms, of course)
No, not just for some but everyone.

RIMMMEMMMEMMMING

Brian quickly wrote a check, shoving it in Deb’s mouth.

OHHH SOOOO BAD

firehead30 — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:02:23 GMT

Title: Rapture
Warnings/Author's Notes:ummm really Bad....vlredreign and I may have to go into hiding
beta: vlredreign
Think of this as an homage to the one and only zortrana's epic purple prose.

Tears filled the gold flecked hazel orbs and the Big Lug gazed lovingly down upon the blushing bottom spread for his delectation.

He wanted to remember this moment, carry it with him always. The Ad Exec knew he would never find another rosebud that would ever taste the same.

The beautiful blond's chest heaved with impassioned breath as he felt the rasp of the tongue across his most intimate opening, owning him forevermore. His small hips twitched with virginal shyness as the velvet-incased manhood breached the first ring of muscle.

The lovers sighed as their souls entwined for eternity. Rapture.

Drabble Drabble Toil and Spoil.....

firehead30 — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:54:32 GMT

I have drabbled again, this time Ben and Michael

Title: What Do You Want?
Warnings/Author's Notes: Ben/Michael, I don't think it is too graphic.
Beta:vlredreign

I love dancing with Michael. He is always a bit awkward, not quite catching my rhythm. If I am patient, he finds me. He knows what he wants; just unsure. He relaxes; his back against my chest, his right arm curls behind my neck. Michael stops thinking. His ass presses into me. He lets me guide him unconsciously

"What do you want, Michael?"

He blushes, pulling away. I bring him back against me whispering that I can't wait to go home. I want to raise his legs up over his head and bury my tongue inside his ass.

"Let's fuck."

This next one well...........

k, um, well, this came out of a conversation with dirtylttlescrt when she thought I should continue the above drabble. I told her I can't write Ben and Michael Porn any more than I can write Brian and Justin porn. I told her that my porn sounds like bad stereo instructions for the Kama Sutra....and then she thought I should play REO Speedwagon and see if that helps...and this is what I came up with.

Title: I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore
Warnings/Author's Notes: song!fic
Beta: Are you kidding? No way would I ask anyone to beta this.

I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for

Michael put his hand on Ben's dick, "WOW that's hard, what are you going to do to me with that?"

Ben replied, "Well, Michael, I am glad you asked. I think we should explore the Splitting the Bamboo before utilizing Pair of Tongs and segueing into Suspended Congress; finding ultimate pleasure in Congress of the Crow."

Michael looked at Ben, shrugged and stated, "Big Guy, rim me, ram me, tie me up and fuck me good, but otherwise, shut up."

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

ummmm I Drabbled again

firehead30 — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:45:10 GMT

Title: Do You Like to Eat My Ass
Author: firehead30
Warnings/Author's Notes: I apologize for this in advance. Yes I have desecrated Dr Seuss and Green Eggs and Ham. I am ashamed.
Pairing Brian and Justin
Beta: zaipixie ~~partner in crime~~

Do you like to eat my ass

Would you rim me in the shower
Or does my ass need to smell like a flower?
Could you, would you lick me at the baths?
While everyone strokes their staffs.

I do, I do like to eat your ass!
I would rim you in the shower.
While you moan, your anus flowers!

I could, I would lick you at the baths.
While losers beat their staffs.

Do you like to tongue my anal ring?
Or do you want to slap my ass until is stings?

*SMACK*

"Wake up Justin. That’s the last time you read Dr Seuss to Gus."

PMSing my maple cream cookie ass

firehead30 — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 19:36:55 GMT

Yesterday at work totally sucked. There is a new COO (which that job should have been mine, but oh well, because that is the job function I do). The new COO is the CEO's son-in-law. So yeah...now I get to placate two male egos instead of one.....Yesterday the CEO was a very insensitive sexist demeaning ass did you know that strong, articulate, professional women are PMSing when they voice their opinion in staff meeting, yes the CEO said the accountant and I were PMSing AND if the new COO wanted any peace he should agree with us....so zaipixie helped me come up with a way to vent my frustrations....

There is a condom war going on over on EYEJAY between Brian and Justin in Qaf_drabbles....so Pixie suggested ~~demanded~~ I write something because Brian NEEDS condoms... FUCK....the subject was rimming and everyone knows I can't write Brian and Justin porn...it reads like bad stereo instructions for the Kama Sutra, no not kidding. So this is what I wrote. And this is what my darling zaipixie said Put your asshole boss up for inspiration for it. If he only knew he inspired you to write lesbian porn during office hours!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLOL

Title: Begging, in two parts
Author: firehead30
Warnings/Author's Notes: Be gentle, I have never drabbled before. Blame zaipixie .
Pairing Mel/Linds
And the condom goes to: two condoms to Brian.
Betas: zaipixie for hand holding and vlredreign for telling ~~lying to~~ me I didn't suck.

Part one

Each flick of Mel's tongue down my back made me arch meeting her wet tongue. Her hands settled on my thighs as she nipped my left ass cheek, making me gasp and spread my legs. I licked my lips nervously and tried to take another breath in. A light slap told me to lay still.

"Don't move. I want to explore you, taste you, open you up and make you come. I am going to tongue your ass until you beg."

The WASP in me hated when she made me beg, the slut in me simply whimpered.

"Oh, fuck."

Part Two

I shuddered, trying not to lift my hips up and present myself to her gaze: open, wet and begging to be licked.

Mel settled between my legs, her hands sweeping down firmly from my shoulders to my ass, gripping the cheeks and opening me up. I clenched my ass, feeling exposed, vulnerable and yet wanting her tongue.

"Fuck, you are beautiful." She breathed against my hole. She traced her finger across my anus then dipping into my pussy, her tongue followed. I trembled, trying not to arch into her mouth.

"Do you want my tongue in your ass?"

"Yes, please."

Shades of Brian Kinney

firehead30 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 05:53:11 GMT

In honor of International Brian Kinney Week, brought to us by my2cats, qafmaniac and plasticine_star, I am going to post a question I posted a little over a year ago Contemplating what makes a physically attractive Gale Harold. But I thought I would give this go around a fresh perspective. Gale Harold, is he really sexy, beautiful, and compelling?

Or, are we so fascinated by the character of Brian Kinney, that we think of Brian every time we see Gale, regardless of the character he is playing?

Gale Harold, is he sexy, or does the character make the man?

I mean REALLY is the man below attractive?

Or do we think him playful and naughty because we find this man playful and naughty.....

I must admit when I watched Vanished...I thought Gale was painfully awkward (I never blamed Gale for this, only the show...come one it was so BAD), but I watched and waited....thinking if someone brought him a cup of coffee perhaps things would get better.

I ran a little test. I showed my teenage daughters pictures of Brian Kinney and they find him hot and beautiful and then I showed them a picture of Gale Harold. They thought Gale looked kind of tall and well he looks kind of like that one guy on that show.
This is the picture I find Gale as Gale very attractive.

So tell me, what do you see when Gale performs in other things, are you looking for Brian Kinney, or do you see only the character he is playing...or do you see a terrified man running from fangirls:-) Just kidding.

So tell me, what do you think: Is Gale Harold attractive? Would you find him attractive separate from Brian Kinney, or is it a moot point and I should simply quit over analyzing everything???

A big thank you to callie89 for the caps used in this picspam. A big thank you for zaipixie for finding me the perfect Gale Harold pics. And least but not last, a big thank you to vlredreign, because I wanna.

Welcome to Fantasy Queer as Folk

firehead30 — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:43:33 GMT

This afternoon between phone calls with desperate parents, calming my boss down ~~and my poor brain still running rampant with current year minus prior year divided by prior year THE ECONOMY MY BELOVEDs~~I was having a most delightful conversation with vlredreign and zaipixie concerning Dr Dave and how we may not care for Chriss Potter ~~pooter~~ but that Dr Dave is the one who helped Michael grow up enough to be ready for ZEN BEN *sigh*.

*still sighing* and then I got to having some very evol thoughts about having Chris Potter ~~Pooter~~ spew his homophobic crap in front of Robert Gant....Bobby could so take Potter ~~Pooter~~.

BUT BUT BUT then I had an EVEN BETTER THOUGHT. What if Dr Dave came back and tried to woo Michael away from Zen Ben. *dances with glee* Dontcha just think Zen Ben would offer Dr Dave some funky tea and then beat the crap out of his lilly white ass...WHAT, come on, Dr Dave touched Michael's hand while reaching for the sugar AND he gave Hunter a superior look....What else was Zen Ben suppose to do?????

So this wildly creative idea hit me...come on, you know it....Fantasy Island for Queer as Folk....what would be your fantasy episode or scene...DISCUSS

View Poll: Welcome to Fantasy Island Queer As Folk Style

Here is a pic for inspiration, but like not poor Brian but that pooter guy.

Gakked from zortrana

firehead30 — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 19:24:41 GMT

I shall practice looking tall, regal and filled with terrible beauty. *snorffle*

I wonder if the Lady Galadriel ever had to get after her evol ones to wash their sheets or dust the window sills in the treehouse.

Happy Birthday critic75

firehead30 — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 16:25:09 GMT

To the lady who give fantastic no nonsense advice, I hope your day is everything you want.

Happy Birthday critic75

HAPPY BIRTHDAY bookgirl24

firehead30 — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:43:16 GMT

You know, librarians are not only extremely beautiful and sexy, they are very cool and fun as well. *nods*

Happy Birthday bookgirl24 I hope everything your heart desires comes true this year.

Happy Birthday

firehead30 — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:17:03 GMT

Happy Birthday pepino21786. I hope your day is fantabulous.

How Mccain can win the election

firehead30 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:00:55 GMT

Make Cheney look like Ghandi.

This from the mouth of Pat Buchanon on the Today show.

*serious look*

*snorfle*

Yah think some of the Republicans are finally getting it?

VOTING MAKES vlredreign hard and happy

firehead30 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:06:40 GMT

Yesterday I did a silly poll trying to cheer up vlredreign. I came up with options of what might make Red happy such as porn, kisses, chocolate, and other delightful ideas. You all wanna know which option people chose the most.......Bush being sucked out of office by gay bible thumping mutant aliens

Let's all make Red happy. zaipixie made us these glorious icons from a cap done by the one and only ohfreckle

Let's get rid of that asshole in the white house.

Happy Birthday orlith

firehead30 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 15:44:06 GMT

It is a joy getting to know you.

I wish for you whatever grace, beauty and fun this world has to offer.

Happy Birthday

Here is a bit of a birthday treat for you:-)

If you click on Ben, he gets bigger, you might want to click twice:-)

Screen cap by the lovely and talented rebeccama

Mary Sue, Mary Sue, ICU

firehead30 — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:33:07 GMT

The topic in qaf_drabbles this time is Mary Sue....so ummm some of us more mature and dignified thinkers and writers have researched carefully a few drabbles.

Oh fuck me to tears vlredreign has written two of the funniest drabbles ever....like with Yaoi porn and a llama, but you know, not together.

Come one over and giggle with us.
The Red Lady

Mikey's Jealous

~~and she is thinking of writing MORE~~

SHE DID WRITE MORE SHE DID SHE DID SHE DID

This time about anal beads and missing parts. Wait um...better read for yourself. *giggles*

Shopping Woes

Tactical Error

HEY Let's talk about Emmett

firehead30 — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 01:17:36 GMT

Good Evening my beloved Flist.

I just got home from work and what do I find, but all kinds of wonderful Emmett goodness all over the place. This post is based on a brief glace around IJ and LJ, so if I am missing something, please comment and I will adjust this post.

Over on IJ xie_xie_xie has posted a most fabulous poll. Who was Emmett's True Love Is it George? Is it Drew/ ~~Yes it is~~, Is it Teddy? Is it Calvin Culpepper? Come on and vote ~~for Drew~~.

happier_bunny has a wonderful multi-part question going on over in the coffee club Let's Talk About Emmett.

foreverbm has posted some wonderful Emmett icons and wall papers.

gaeln made a wonderful post of Emmett love here

My darling dirty little secret zaipixie posted a gorgeous wallpaper and some to die for icons Pixie goodness of Emmett Love

The bitchesofbritin posted an Emmett picspam of love here

Happy Emmett Love Friday Everyone!

UPDATE

The wickedly smart and very articulate rebeccama has reposted her insightful essayGoing Beyond Stereotypes: Brian/Justin, Drew/Emmett

The bitchesofbritin have posted a question that the very intelligent and perceptive justinlovesart prompted, Why is Emmett so universally loved?

***************READ THIS****************
rebeccama has posted a tender and excetionally well written essay on Emmett and friendships.....Emmett: The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

All Emmett All Weekend....HOW FABULOUS

firehead30 — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:02:03 GMT

Come one everyone it is time to get your punjabi hip hop dance of love on.

*dances about with everyone*

This weekend the bitchesofbritin have decreed that fandom should be a fabulous place to play. And since this is the Queer as Folk fandom we knew exactly who we should celebrate EMMETT HONEYCUTT!

And to start everything off most wonderfully I just found this delightful drabble by orlith called Your Turn It is brilliant, sexy and funny. I learned about the number 68...come on, you know you wanna know what Em does with Drew.

This evening the bitchesofbritn will post a picspam of Em in all his glory.

Tomorrow we hope to have a rousing discussion in Coffee Club on IJ. We just can't figure out exactly who is going to host the question...we keep poking each other....you do it...ok, no you do it.

The very talented zaipixie is going to post very pretty Emmett graphics over at ai_graphcis.

qafmaniac is creating an Em centered video that should be realeased on Saturday. *does praise Jebus dance of happiness*

ohhhhhhh and in case you thought we forgot all of you brainy types....META shadownyc and rebeccama we be reposting some of their leik woah brilliant analysis of Emmett Honeycutt, and the his relationships *nods, and looks smart*

If vlredreign can tie her muses down and smooch them into submission she hopes to drabble us with her genius drops of Emmett goodness.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just heard a secret that xie_xie_xie is working on an Emmett/Drew fic that she might have ready by Saturday *wriggles with delight*

Fandom is the place to let our flame burn bright. Come along with your hands held high, your best orange leather pants and pink top outfit, and get our Emmett on. Join us in posting icons, graphics, drabbles, meta....however the spirit of fabulousness moves you. Come on friends, let's dance.

Issues of being in the closet....the Redneck closet

firehead30 — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:05:34 GMT

I do not normally ever quote Jeff Foxworthy.....but ....You might be a redneck if your sofa has bungee cords holding the springs and you are searching for a varmit underneath your sofa...and well you don't have a screen on your dining room window.

My tiny white kitty came through the window late last night with a mole in her mouth. My kids and I had a hilarious time trying to get the kitty and mole back out side. We instigated operation trap them in a paper bag and then get them outside...using a broom, dustpan, paper bag, one squealing teenage girl, and one son who needed to express his manly hunting skills. I finally picked up the kitty by the scruff of her neck while she had the mole in her mouth.....of COURSE the kitty lets the mole go, it lands on my foot, and I kind of kick it under the sofa, and then it scampers into the sofa, and my son is laughing I don't know what was so funny, Just because I was expressing my displeasure in an auditory and physical manner. There were no sounds that could ever be described as the same as my teenage girl squealing and I was NOT jumping about like a drama queen yelling, " IT TOUCHED ME, get it out of the sofa...get it out.

Yes, my son did his manly duty and got both the mole and the kitty outside....but as my daughter and I were reattaching the bungee cords and putting together the sofa...oh yes, and gathering up the sofa change, she looks right at me....Momma, YOU, might be a redneck if your creaky sofa is held together by bungee cords and your family is searching for a varmit underneath the cushions. I lifted an eyebrow and responded...."It's not like we were going to use the varmit for dinner."

So if a mouse ever got into Britin, and for some reason an exterminator couldn't be called, who do you think would have the balls to get it out....Personally I think Emmett would look at the rest of the squealing drama queens and calmly shoo the mouse out while regaling everyone with a tale about Hazlehurst......what do you think?