Look, Jack, it's the who cares bus!

jesse/riley ship manifesto

2011-04-04T08:17:17Z

For femslash_land's 11th challenge: a manifesto for the ship of your choice.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (or T:SCC for short) is based off James Cameron’s Terminator film franchise. Set between the second and third films, the show involves a different future than the one portrayed in the third and fourth movies. Sarah and John are on the run. While hiding from the authorities and terminators, Cameron, a machine sent back by the future John Connor, meets them. From there, they are sent into the future (2008) and the show kicks off from there.

During the second season, two new characters are introduced. Riley, a 16-year-old girl, befriends John. He connects with her and they become allies. The other is Jesse, a former flame of Derek (who is John’s uncle/Kyle’s brother). These two characters who are seemingly unrelated are soon revealed to be connected. They came back together, Jesse taking Riley under her wing and slowly manipulating her to get John’s trust, and causing him to lose trust in his machine companion, Cameron. The emotional entanglement between the two becomes heated, with eventually both of them losing their lives in the process.

Characters

Riley Dawson

Riley first appears in ‘Automatic for the People’. When we are first introduced to Riley, she is shown to be a little rebellious. She skips school with John, shows him a tattoo that allegedly got her kicked out of a previous school, and visits his new home with him. She stays the night and offers him a Lego robot companion to keep him safe in the night. This is a seemingly innocent remark, but as Riley’s history is revealed, the irony of the situation is as well. Their discussion of the future is also ironic- they both know what will eventually happen, but neither is willing to reveal it.

Their friendship grows throughout the next few episodes, including a breathless escape from Cromartie, a terminator after John, (‘Brothers of Nabulus’) and an impromptu trip down to Mexico (‘Mr. Ferguson is Ill Today’). After an attack by Cromartie, Riley’s mental state started to deteriorate, and John and Sarah slowly realise Riley isn’t what all she seems (‘Strange Things Happen at the One Two Point’). It’s at this point that it is revealed to the viewer that Riley and Jesse are working together. John remains oblivious to this, and the relationship progresses between the two of them. Riley and John become increasingly romantic and eventually share a kiss (‘Self Made Man’).

It’s at this point, Riley’s history catches up with her. She was a victim of the war with the terminators. A scavenger, she was rescued by Jesse who remarked that she was a ‘pretty girl’ (‘Earthlings Welcome Here’). Jesse brought Riley to the future, where Riley for the first time relishes the opportunity to take in aspects of, what the viewer would consider, modern life. Lamps, fresh flowers, cushions and clean linen, a soft bed and flannel towels! And then the most magical thing of all- clean water, right at her disposal. The viewer sees Riley shower for perhaps the first time in her memorable life. She’s tentative at first, perhaps a little nervous. She holds her hands up, as though not sure what she’s meant to do. Then she tilts her face up to the stream and lets the water run over her. The filth rushes away. Finally, we see Jesse combing her freshly cleaned hair and tucking her into bed.

After this touching, emotional scene, we cut to the present day. Riley’s bruised, and she’s closed about it, refusing to talk about it- who did it, how she got it. Overwhelmed by the pressures put on her by Jesse, Cameron and equally John and Sarah, she attempts to take her own life (‘Earthlings Welcome Here’). Jesse collects her from the hospital and takes her back to her hotel apartment.

Riley, desperate for some solid connection in her life and looking for a chance at happiness, finally realises the truth: she was meant to die. Fighting with Jesse, Riley screams that she loves her, but as fatefully shot (‘Ourselves Alone’). Her body is later dumped in a river (‘Today is the Day, Part 1’).

Jesse Flores

Jesse’s history is more available to the viewer from the start. A young woman, Jesse hails from Perth, Australia, and presumably has more memories of the time before the war than Riley. A Commander, she travels to North America via submarine to assist the human resistance. It is here she meets Derek Connor, and the two start a relationship (‘Alpine Fields’). She falls pregnant but miscarries.

She starts losing faith in the resistance due to a mission that goes badly and falls into a depression over the death of her fellow soldiers and her unborn child (‘Today is the Day, Part 1’). It’s during this time she starts to consider a mission of her own. Fearing John Connor’s faith in some of the ‘good’ machines (that is, Cameron) is affecting him and effecting his decisions, she plots to put a stop to this. Knowing that he had sent soldiers and machines back previously, she comes up with a plan to separate Cameron and John in the past, and thus hopefully turn the war around. She just needs a tool- a young pretty girl to catch John’s eye. Then, when John had fallen for her, she would be killed- preferably by Cameron, if possible. This girl becomes Riley (‘Earthlings Welcome Here’). Using Riley’s hunger, pain and naivety, she transports the two of them with the help of a technician back to 2009.

After spying on the Connors (‘The Tower is Tall But the Fall is Short’), she meets up with Derek and the two rekindl their relationship. They takes turns torturing a traitor from the future (‘Complications’), which reveals the violent, perhaps mildly sadistic streak that Jesse has. Eventually Jesse admits that she come back from the future to stop John having a relationship of any kind with Cameron.

At this point, Riley approaches Jesse and asks if they could potentially live together. Jesse, in a moment of anger, hits Riley, causing a bruise to form that John later sees (‘Earthlings Welcome Here’). After Riley attempts suicide in the Connor household, Jesse breaks her out of the hospital. The two share a tender, albeit brief moment after Jesse kicks her out of the apartment. Jesse believes Riley was destroying their mission. Acting as her foster agent, she approaches Sarah and the two talk about Riley (‘Ourselves Alone’). Jesse implies that perhaps Derek was involved in indiscrete ways, and also suggests John had told Riley about the future. Jesse also causes a Child Services representative to come by the Connor household.

By now, Riley has figured out Jesse’s plan. The two fight and Jesse shoots Riley. Having fulfilled her mission, Jesse starts to ponder her future (‘Today is the Day, Part 1’). She goes through a period that reminisces mourning. She’s lost, and her future is empty. John finally confronts her, and after he says he would have chosen Cameron over Riley, Jesse realises her mission was for nothing. After a confrontation with Derek, Jesse’s future seems muddled- Derek pulls the trigger, but whether he shoots her or misses is up to the viewer to decide (‘Today is the Day, Part 2’).

The Ship

Jesse: Pretty girl. What’s your name?

I can hear you already, don’t worry- ‘Jesse shot Riley! Jesse was planning Riley’s death the whole time! How can you ship these two?!’ Don’t worry, I agree with you. Jesse’s plan from the start was for John to fall for a girl, then yank the carpet unceremoniously from under her and have her die, all the while pinning the blame on Cameron. And Riley, for all intents and purposes, was that from the start. But she became more than that. Jesse’s tender nature to Riley after they arrived fresh from the time bubble says that. She could have been cool to her, remained and cold and calculated. Instead, she let Riley take it all in- the sights, smells, the touch of fresh linen and a mattress. She combed her hair and tucked her into bed. She didn’t need to do that.

Some might argue Jesse did this to get Riley onto her side, and to manipulate her. Nobody will walk freely into their own death. This is a fair call, but there’s a difference between being kind to someone for the sake of being kind, and then there’s being tender and loving towards someone. This is what Jesse is. When Riley starts to show signs of being uncomfortable about manipulating John, Jesse reassures her and kisses her on the forehead (‘Strange Things Happen at the One Two Point’).

Riley: I don’t think I can do this anymore.
Jesse: I’m sorry. It’s not easy, I understand. Maybe you even have some real feelings for him. Who wouldn't? He's John Connor. There's a reason people follow him all over hell.
Riley: But what if I want out?
Jesse: How would you do that? Where would you go? There is no out. You can do this.

Riley leans into this kiss, her eyes shut, reflecting the complete trust she holds in Jesse. It’s possible that Jesse is one of the few, or even the only, people that have shown her kindness and tenderness. It’s easy to see then why Riley fell completely for Jesse and therefore was manipulated easily. Even as Jesse grows progressively colder- perhaps out of stress from her mission being revealed by the Connors- Riley continues to go to her for approval (‘Earthlings Welcome Here’).

Jesse: What are you doing here?
Riley: Sorry, Jesse. No one's following me. I doubled-back like you taught me. Jesse, I'm really sorry. Don't get mad at me, please.
Jesse: Phones. That's why we have phones.
Riley: I...I just didn't know where else to go.
Jesse: Yeah, well...not here, sweetie. Any place, but here.

However, after Riley attempts suicide in the same episode, Jesse later picks her up from the hospital and takes her home, albeit only for an hour (‘The Good Wound’). She dresses her wound and is concerned over her wellbeing. Some may read this into Jesse being concerned over the mission, but this needn’t be the case. Suicide is not something to be taken lightly, and Jesse seems to be concerned in Riley herself. She changes the dressing of her wound and talks about the difference between the future/their past and the present day- the modern world should be paradise, and Jesse can’t seem to understand why Riley would want to take her own life. Furthermore, Jesse had no reason to pick Riley up. All the authorities would have found out would be that she was an orphan, and that she had been kicked out of her foster home. Jesse picked Riley up of her own accord. She could have let the situation pan out on its own, and then seen where it had gone from there.

Then we reach the apex. Riley discovers Jesse’s betrayal (‘Ourselves Alone’). After being rescued from the tunnels of the future, she realises she has reached a more hellish Earth, one that she was brought to for her own death like a lamb to the slaughter.

Riley: [Cameron]’s supposed to kill me, right? That’s it, that’s the real plan.
Jesse: That’s absurd.
Riley: No, it’s not. You know I was the only thing that would turn John against her. She’s supposed to kill me. You killed the DCFS, you called my foster parents, you called my school. How could you do that to me?! I trusted you. I loved you!

Riley confronts Jesse. She explains how she knows, and yells at Jesse that she loves her. This could be read as either being a love of friendship, or a love of admiration, but it can also just as easily be read as a romantic love. Or it could be read as all three. They started a friendship, with Riley admiring and looking up to Jesse. Here is a woman who has broken free of the tunnels and is fighting back, both against the machines but against the leadership. Jesse wants more from life, as does Riley. She’s a strong and powerful woman, and she has brought Riley to the world that was and what could still be. Riley has fallen in love with this world, and this love has transferred over to the one who has brought it to her. And now everything is going to be taken away from Riley.

The fight that ensues is a brutal one, and Jesse holds back at first from fighting back. She lets Riley yell and scream. But it seems to be the last remark that breaks her. Riley loves her- or loved her, anyway. It’s not the remark about her death, or Jesse’s betrayal that snaps her into action. It’s Riley’s remarks about losing her trust and love in Jesse. Jesse seems to want to win this back and she yells back.

Jesse: I rescued you! From hell! [...] You could have been beautiful.

This fight is no mere catfight. Punches are thrown, eyes are gouged, and then Riley picks up a broken leg from a table and starts to club Jesse with it. It’s hard and heavy, and, if she had been able, she could have easily killed her. Riley’s not just fighting for her life here- she’s fighting in anguish over the love she has lost. Then Jesse pulls the fatal blow. Kicking open the broken table, she pulls out a gun and shoots Riley in the chest.

Riley barely has a moment to react. She looks down, and she looks equal parts shocked, but also equally relieved that the fight is over. And Jesse? Jesse looks equally shocked. She looks at Riley and falls back on the floor. Later, she is seen sitting in the same apartment, constantly readjusting the lamp that had been knocked over during the fight. She’s lost and confused. Her reason for being- because Riley is essentially her reason for being in the present in the first place- has gone. She has no one to guide, and no one to turn to, to check up on. She goes through the motions until confronted by both John and Derek. After it’s revealed that John would have still sided with Cameron over Riley in the event of the latter’s death, Jesse accepts she has no reason direction for her life anymore. Her fate, however, is left ambiguous. While Derek shoots at her, her fallen body is never seen.

John: If I have to live with this, so do you.

The Fandom

There isn’t much in terms to fandom creations for this pair, but try some of these on and see how they fit.

Fanfic

aelysian - Could’ve Been Beautiful, PG:13

aelysian - Delilah, PG:13

aelysian - Iterations, PG

alixtii - Some Thing To Watch Over Me, not work safe/no particular rating

Fanmix

finding_jay/me - A Tattoo On Her Wrist, fic rated PG

Video

SchmackProductions - Jesse’s Girl

Picspam - Xbox vs Atari

2010-09-16T10:28:56Z

Another picspam for picspammy's 'Illustrate a Song' challenge. This spam came out from two main reasons:

1) I can't get this song out of my head. I have a love for boppy, 50s era type songs. I also love songs that are ironically chirpy.

2) There's a girl in the video who looks like Bennett Halverson.

I also thought it would be lots of fun. As cute and psychopathic as Bennett and Topher are, it's a bit of a bad start to a relationship when one person attempts to have someone killed, and the other person knocks the first person out. But I still love them. Furthermore, Bennett and Caroline's schoolgirl lesbian relationship was going to be a bit of an issue if Topher and Bennett wanted to go about having a cute, psychopathic relationship anytime in the future.

So when your prospective love interest is battling bitter feelings about your ~~active~~ co-worker, it's going to make things a little tricky. But hey, dead arms and attempted murders are all things that can be worked through, right? Right?

Picspam - We Stand Together

2010-09-14T05:42:20Z

A picspam for picspammy's challenge, 'Illustrate a Song'. I chose River and Simon from Firefly to go along with Sia's 'The Fight'. Initially I wanted to focus simply on River's growth throughout the series and film, but Simon wiggled his way in. And, of course, with anything I do with River and Simon, there did wind up being a bit of an, er, edge to it, if you will (but hey, even Simon ships with his sister).

However, this wasn't the key point to the whole spam. This is meant to be River and Simon finding their place on the ship and in the universe. They rely on one another, River particularly.

Picspam - Sia: Soon We'll Be Found

2009-12-07T04:49:11Z

view gallery here

Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
Uploaded by Sia. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Picspam - The Parrish Plessis Series

2009-11-13T06:14:47Z

The Parrish Plessis series by Marianne de Pierres are comprised of three novels. Nylon Angel, Code Noir and Crash Deluxe. They take place in a post-apocalyptic future, set in Australia, most likely somewhere between Sydney and Melbourne. The government has been broken down and the media runs the show. Everything is broadcast, and everything is always being telecast.

Parrish lives in the slums, known as The Tert. Vivacity is north, and to the east is a supposedly-unknown place known simply as Dis. In the first novel, Parrish is set up for the murder of a media personality, Razz Retribution, and is infected with a virus known as the Eskaalim. While trying to find out the true murder of Razz, she battles against the virus that feeds of her adrenaline and is setting about turning her into a monster. The second novel takes her to Dis, where she discovers the the media is experimenting on the population there, known as the Mo-Vay, and in the third novel, Parrish finds herself in Vivacity and finally facing in the creature inside of her.

I decided to cast only my favourite characters in the series, otherwise it would add up to several dozen. The world they live in is very multicultural, but it's also very cut off from the world. At one point, Parrish claims to be from the west, and nobody particularly knows about it. The US is known simply as Merika and once again, nobody knows much about it. Everybody is stuck and know nothing about their past, except for what the media tells them.

PARRISH PLESSIS - BRODY DALLE

she's got the gruff, devil-may-care attitude about her,
and you know she don't take shit

LOYL-ME-DAAC - ALEXANDER SKARSGÅRD

i pictured loyl as being thin, pale and blond
and with a hint of danger about him

TEECE - PAUL RUDD

i always viewed teece as being very different from loyl
kind, darker, and just a little bit soft

MEI SHEONG - DEVON AOKI

mei, the chino-shaman, is very sexy and sarcastic
she's also partial to nudity

MERRY 3# - CHIAKI KURIYAMA

parrish's p-diary with a passion for fashion. i don't think it was said anywhere she was japanese,
but it just got stuck in my head that she is

BRAS - RAQUEL CASTRO

the double-arm amputee feral orphan that parrish dubs bras
who winds up becoming the adopted princess of vivacity

GLIDA - EVERLYN SAMPI

a mo-vay feral living in dis who has been experimented on
and thus grows fur on her entire body

MERV - STEVE BUSCEMI

merv lives in the computers
and has been infected with a virus

GLORIOUS - KRISTIN CHENOWETH

an amorato (aka a prostitute who loves what she does) who's quite partial to making out with parrish
i always felt she was a lot older than she led on in the book

the art of music - a genmix

2009-11-07T14:03:39Z

[Synesthesia is, put simply, when the senses are confused or joined. Time can be perceived as a circle, numbers can become smells, or, in my case, music is represented as colours. Not every synesthete is the same, and not every joining of senses is the same.

As I said, music becomes colours. Certain words, sounds, names, people and places have colours, too, but it's less frequently. Not every piece of music has a colour- Parade by Garbage doesn't have a colour- and not every piece of music is one single colour. I'm Like A Bird by Nelly Furtado has a whole range of colours, for instance. Certain songs, like She & Him's This Is Not a Test is just one colour (green, in that example). Some artists have one colour that encompasses all their music. Emilie Autumn is very orange. The colours appear in my mind. When I shut my eyes, I can see them dancing on the back of my eyelids. The colours move, which is hard to show in still images, but I did my best. A lot of music moves from the lower left hand corner to the upper right hand corner. A lot of it twirls and waltzes.

In this mix, I tried to show this. My favourite type of music is blue. I listen to a lot of folk music, a lot of which is blue. It's calming and soothes me. I tried to show a larger range, though. I tried to avoid choosing songs where colours are in the lyrics. This doesn't particularly influence the colours I see, but I wanted to opt that out. I also broke it into two discs. The first side is more quiet music, and the second is more upbeat.

There are links for individual songs, separate links for each disc and a link for the entire mix.

And yes, that is my handwriting on the front cover ;D]

pianissimo

[The piano dominates this song, as does the blue. It's dark, quiet, but the colours are bright. The guitars and drums make it brighter, and makes it sound more like an underground rainbow. Aimee Mann's haunting voice are white and it shimmers and sparkles, like fragmented light.]

The Scientist - Aimee Mann

[Space for me is always black with bright colours arcing through it. When I think of space, I think of nebulae. Such a magical mixture of dust, gas, plasma, rainbows made of science. I love looking at these peculiar forms, although it scares me just a little. Natalie Merchant's voice reminds me of Aimee's in that it's haunting, and a little whimsical. Natalie reminds me of nebulae and this song is a rainbow set amongst a black background.]

Space Oddity - Natalie Merchant

[This is prominently purple. It sounds like a ballet to me. A pas de deux by two women, dancing around each other, in a curtain of purple. Dar Williams is pink, and Ani DiFranco is blue. They mix together to a beautiful purple.]

Comfortably Numb - Dar Williams and Ani DiFranco

[Des'ree's voice is very rich and golden. The song is warm, with yellows and orange, like a fire, a hug, a warm bed on a cold night while wrapped in the arms of someone you love. There's a hint of loneliness, there, too, a wish for something more, and it tints the golden touch somewhat. The outer edges are green, particularly with the way the song drifts off. It holds back its true warmth. It wants to be something more.]

I'm Kissing You - Des'ree

[The flutes are insects, the strings are fairies and lights that dance around. They combine to be a rainbow on a warm, spring night, becoming mixed with the stars. It's a waltz under moonlight, dancing on the ocean while the romance lifts you.]

Fairy Dance - James Newton Howard

[This is a cabaret of sorts. A dimmed theatre with a spotlight, a navy backdrop. The song is a quiver, a whimper. When I first heard this song, I initially only heard the first few lines and I thought it was about an affair. I thought it to be a mourning song instead of a declaration of love. The song still remains dark to me, but with a shimmer of hope.]

How Long Has This Been Going On? - Kristin Chenoweth

[Johnny Cash- the man in black. He dominates the song. It's black all the way through until Fiona Apple joins in, when bright yellow shines through. Just a spotlight in the corner, a glimmer of hope like that in How Long Has This Been Going On? It breaks through the darkness and lets the line shine on through, letting you know that there is a way out. There is a light.]

Bridge Over Troubled Water - Johnny Cash and Fiona Apple

[The Virgin Suicides is what makes this song so colourful. The film itself is blue and lavender with shades of grey. It's lonely, sad, haunting, gripping in your throat and chest, making it hard to breathe until tears prickle your eyes and your mouth goes dry and you're frozen in place, crying and choking on your own breath as your head gets dizzy and your cheeks burn red and your nose runs and you rock back and forth unable to move until the the corners of your vision start to grow dark and everyone is running but they're stuck in slow motion this is it and this is it and this is it until you finally suck down that precious burning air.]

Bathroom Girl - Air

[The instruments in this song are yellow, particularly in the chorus. Thurston Moore's throaty, raw vocals are a murky, dark blue, and this is what overpowers the song. The yellow crosses through the lyrics, though, particularly in the crescendo in the chorus. It's a nauseating ride, half adagio, half allegro, and it's always, always spinning.]

Superstar - Sonic Youth

[I typically don't like brown songs. I don't like the colour brown typically, anyway. It holds you down, it spoils everything. Damien Rice is very brown, though, and he's one of my favourite artists. He lets me know brown can be nice. Brown can be warm, and loving, and although it's ugly and makes everything sour and rotten, it can hold your hand as you cross the street. This song is my boyfriend and me, and it's obscure and wonderful and it has a trippy start and sometimes not everything goes right or according to plan, but it works and it holds you and kisses your tears and, most importantly, brown lets you know that everything will still be there to catch you because brown is earth and the earth is always there beneath your feet.]

Cannonball - Damien Rice

fortissimo

[The LOVE version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps is more appropriately blue, but the Anthology version, despite lacking the white strings, is also very blue on its own. I don't like the rocked-up version. It's too heavy, to red and angry, while the song is so very, very sad. It's a wish. It wants to be more. It wants to be strings. It doesn't want to be bass. I love George Harrison singing this as a solo. Wishes are blue.]

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles

[To me, certain chords and notes are certain colours. The first F♯ above middle C is an olive green. B♭ is a pale blue, a high A♭ is red. C and C♯ are, for the most part, pink. A pale pink, nothing to garish. But this song, despite being in C♯ is blue and it's most definitely due to the minor key. Minor is blue. Songs in a major key aren't particularly anything, but minor is most always, always blue.]

Nocture in C♯ Minor - Chopin

[Lucy is in the sky with lights and magic and fairies, as she sits on clouds and telephone lines and swims over fish and flowers and steals the hats of bus drivers. Lucy is an aerobatic act, swinging from trapezes and twisting through aerial silks and hanging from a corde lisse. She's a contortionist and flies above you, promising kisses and smiles.]

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles

[Utopia reminds me of a dystopian society, of robots and creatures and monsters. Everything is crystal-clean and yet it doesn't all quite fit. Two by two, hands of blue and so on. Make everything forever. The strings will wrap around you.]

Utopia - Goldfrapp

[Once again, Space Oddity. Tangled up in gas clouds and inhaling their sweet scent. It trickles through you as you're blown away in the wind. Dizzy on uppers and you'll never, ever get down. It's not perfect, and maybe in fact everything is going so very, very wrong, but in this case you don't know any better. Or maybe you do- maybe you know everything is going downwards and out into the constant black, but really, would you want it any other way?]

Across The Universe - Fiona Apple

[This song is very much like Bridge Over Troubled Water for me in that it's very black and dark, but there's this light shining through. The sun is coming again. Like George sings, the sun is coming and it's going to break through that terrible black and dry away the blues. The bridge is going to help you across the icy lake.]

Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

[This is one of Damien Rice's few brown songs. It's full of pale blues and bright whites. How very French, how very whimsical. It sends shivers down my spine, it's a song transposed to music. It's like holding a hand, temples together, just a breath of a kiss as you're sent into the sky to dance amongst the clouds. Amie is you and me and all of us. It's the sweet scent of spring, talc on a baby's skin, fish swimming in the cool ocean water and nibbling on your toes. It's waking up next to the person you love and kissing their lips and letting the morning sun touch your skin.]

Amie - Damien Rice

[In many ways, this song is blue. The chorus is blue, Utada Hikaru's lyrics are blue, it sounds like stars and trickles of water. But Utada herself is very pink. If it were someone else singing, it would be blue all over, but Utada's presence tints it pink and makes it purple by default. There's also streaks of sunlight through it. The joy just goes straight through it.]

Simple and Clean - Utada Hikaru

[The Weakerthans are also a very brown band. Nothing about their music is particularly brown, but as a whole, they're very earthy and grounded. Virtute, the eponymous cat, is blue. After all, with an owner who is in the midst of a depression, anyone would be blue. It brings with it greens and yellows, a promise of new life. It wants a new life. The song puts a smile on my face with its green. The weather will be better tomorrow, Virtute promises. Just look outside.]

Plea From a Cat Named Virtute - The Weakerthans

[Virtute is back and now the purple has overtaken her. The greens have gone and the yellows have disappeared. The night is dark and the clouds are grey. Rain has fallen and purple has washed Virtute's world. There's promise there of something else- pigeons and cats and construction sites that Virtute was effected by in Plea. But purple is everywhere and maybe this is what the human was once like.]

Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure - The Weakerthans

[With a title like Cool it should be easy to understand the colours. The colour scheme is very similar to that of Amie. The songs are very different, in terms of theme and structure, but they're both blue and white. But there's something tinting the edges when I hear this one- a hint of want, a longing for what once was. Not everything is cool.]

Cool - Gwen Stefani

[Everyone wants to be recognised. Everyone wants to fit in. They don't always go hand in hand. But those who embrace not fitting in, for being recognised, shine out more than everyone else. The black continues to lurk, the white stands out and then there's bright violet, radiating out, pushing the black out, filtering through the white, with a leap and a smile, jeteing across and ignoring every other colour that tries to steal what it has. Do you think you're a star?]

Weird Friendless Kid - Emiliana Torrini

[This is what I dub as my John Sheppard Cock-Walk Song. Blue and white, but as it picks up, the green starts, letting you know it's there, it's smug, it leads with its cock and you're going to love it. It doesn't fit in, it won't even blend in. The blue doesn't want it, the white doesn't want to be tainted. But that's just fine, it's going to be a smug little bugger with a smirk and a wink and it's going to grab your attention.]

Foolish Love - Rufus Wainwright

[Grey and blue. Even when things are dull, there's flight. Utter simplicity.]

Free as a Bird - The Beatles

Download the full rar + covers ~~here~~

Reuploaded 06/01/11. Download here.
SONG MISSING: I'm Kissing You - Des'ree
DIFFERENT SONG: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles (LOVE version)

finding_jay @ 2009-10-10T17:08:00

2009-10-10T09:10:29Z

My fic placed as Mod's Choice over at paire_awards!

T:SCC ; Riley Dawson ; A Tattoo On Her Wrist - a Fanmix

2009-04-07T12:12:38Z

[Her first memory is of light and fire and heat. The sky fills with yellow. It dazzles her, and floaters fill her eyes. She doesn't remember anything being that bright. She doesn't remember anything being that hot. She never finds her parents, and she never finds her house. She calls for them, wailing, tears streaking through her dirty face. In time, it all seems normal. In time, the world before never existed.

Eventually she finds kids like her, and eventually she learns to fight like adults. She learns where to find shelter, where to find clothes, and most importantly, where to find food. She's always hungry, she's always filthy.

The moon peaks out from behind the smog one day and she stares at it in wonder.]

The war machine springs to life,
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky,
Ninety-nine red balloons go by

99 Red Balloons - Nena

['Pretty girl. What's your name?'

Her voice sounds strange. She's not from around here. Not like the machines, but elsewhere.

Jesse tells her of life Before. She knew that grass wasn't brown, but green. She knew that water could be drunk without being boiled beforehand. She knew what the moon looked like, what it was like to have the sun warm skin and hair and clothes. She knew how to swim.

She told of Perth, of Hay Street and Murray Street, of Scarborough and Cottesloe, of family picnics on Australia Day at King's Park. She told her of black swans and an island named after rodent-like creatures. She had a cat and a bird, and a mother and father. She lived mostly on a submarine now, with a machine driving it.

Riley listens to it all. She follows her around, fisting her jacket sleeves and curling up against her as she sleeps, hugging empty cans of baked beans and dreaming of rows of flowers at Araluen Park.]

Poor thing, poor thing
Do you have a sister?
Would your lay your body
Down on the tracks for her?
Stand on one tiptoe
In hell for her?
Don't you have someone you'd die for?

Someone To Die For - Tanya Donelly

[The world is so bright. It's so clean, it smells so fresh, the sun shines. It takes her hours to be what Jesse calls 'clean', it takes her longer to feel it. She eats, wolfing down the meals Jesse orders. They taste so good, she helps herself to seconds, thirds, and Jesse laughs, dry, wry. She samples everything. She falls in love with pasta, delights herself with tomatoes that squirt juice everywhere, nearly cries as she tastes clean water, and nearly melts when she tastes chocolate.

She cries when she sleeps. She dreams it's all going to go away, that she'll wake up with rats sniffing her, dirty underneath her fingernails, bombs going off overhead.

Jesse's not there when morning comes, and Riley presses her face to the pillow and wishes that she never has to go back, that she can stay in this time forever, with four walls and the sun and the sound of birds.]

Instrumental

Ce Matin-La - Air

[Jesse enrolls her into school. She's never been to school before.

Jesse tells her that all kids her age go to school, and so does John Connor. Riley listens intently, learns about him like she would math or science. John Connor 101.

When he changes schools, so does she. The time's now, Jesse says. She needs to speak to him now, when the machine is out of the picture. So she does, relishing life and sun and moon and flowers and hot dogs.]

Better days and get aways
'Cause every day is a holiday with you

Everyday is a Holiday - Esthero

[At times, when she's alone and in foster care and sitting on her bed as the kids run about downstairs, she wonders if it's all worth it. She knows Judgment Day will come. She's not here to stop it. That's someone else's job, and that someone is not her. She's not here to be the hero. She's here to stop the machine from getting close to John.

So she does her job, and Jesse only asks how it's going. When she can, she still sleeps in the warm hotel bed, with the fresh linen and the lamps that fascinate her and the pool that she swims in, sitting on the bottom like Jesse with her knees to her chest.

She watches the bubbles rise to the surface, popping, tiny winks of existence that disappear before they achieve anything more than being brief moments of light and beauty.]

So I went to a protest
just to rub up against strangers
And I did feel like coming
but I also felt like crying
And it doesn't seem so worth it right now

Summer in the City - Regina Spektor

[John says, 'I swear I'll explain everything when I get there.'

He doesn't. Riley waits, but he doesn't. She wonders if she's meant to take it as a sign of distrust, or if she's meant to explain to him, or if it means nothing more than he doesn't want to let her know about the future.

He doesn't know, though. He only knows that it's coming. He doesn't know what it's like to be there, to live there, to fight every moment of every day just for a chance to do it all over again.

She digs her nails into palms and shivers when night comes. She looks at the stars, at the moon, at the street lamp. She memorizes the lights in the sky, terrified that by morning it will be all gone and the sky will be filled with black and she'll be back there, no longer here, in the present, Before.]

Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave

Secret - The Pierces

[The bruise lasts five days. Jesse never directly apologises, but Riley knows she is. She knows it. Riley didn't mean to hurt her foster mother, either. It was a momentary burst of anger. Besides, she was able to stay with her for an hour after she hurt herself, and Jesse even drives her back to the hospital. She kisses her temple before she gets out of the car, right where the bruise had been.

John asks. She knew he would, but she doesn't say anything. She isn't meant to, so she doesn't.

It still haunts her, though. The hospital is filled with the sick and dying, the dead. She'll be one of them eventually. Everyone will be. She sees children in various states of illness, the elderly.

She clutches the sheets, smells the antiseptic, tastes food that sends her straight back to After, of clutching stale bread and rat packs to her chest, the feeling of being in heaven when she had one of them all to herself. She misses pasta and tomatoes and fresh water and chocolate. She misses Jesse and John.]

You got me pushing imaginary buttons
Step away from me lover, away from me lover
You got me counting imaginary school children
Get away from me lover, away from me lover
Yes I can see that my carpet is animated
Walk away from me lover, away from me lover
Yes I see you open wounds in everyone I've dated
Away from me lover, get away from me lover
I am no good for you
I'm seeing ghosts in everything I do

Buttons - Sia

[By luck, she manages to meet Jesse for lunch. They sit opposite each other in a cafe, towards the back of the building. Riley slurps her soup and Jesse looks at her over the rim of her coffee mug filled with hot tea. Apologising, Riley dabs her lips with the napkin like Jesse taught her and sets it next to her bandaged wrist.

Jesse inquires about John and Riley hums a response.

'Are you any closer?'

'I guess.'

'You guess?'

Riley's silent, then, 'what happens when I'm done?'

'What do you mean?'

'Like...' Riley clears her throat and looks up at Jesse. 'When I'm done. When she's gone. What then?'

Jesse is silent as she snaps her tea cake into a small bit and dips it into her tea. 'I guess you'll know.'

'Can I stay with you?'

Jesse raises a brow.

'I could go to a community college. Remember when I asked if we could get an apartment together? I could do that. They've got heaps here. I could do make-up design.'

Jesse continues to stare silently.

'Or... or first aid or something useful like that.'

A pause.

'It was just a suggestion.']

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head around the door
'Cause mine stopped working
I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stairs
And time stopped moving

I Remember - Damien Rice

[John holds her hand as they walk down the street for the first time on a Sunday. They see a movie, and Riley eats popcorn and it gets stuck in her teeth. She takes it with them when the movie finishes and keeps walking as John lingers by a trash can, waiting for her to throw it in. They go and play a game that yells music at them and they have to match the corresponding steps on the keypad below them. Neither of them are very good, and Riley laughs, throwing popcorn in the air with enthusiasm.

John kisses her as they walk home, and she swoons, suddenly embarrassed. It's bright, and the sun is shining on them, unlike the car where it was only the street lamp that watched them. He kisses her again, and holds her hand and says she still tastes of popcorn and she picks at her teeth with her thumbnail.

As they continue walking, she finds she's holding her breath and her muscles are clenched all over and she oddly wonders why she's waiting for a smack.]

No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

Dancing - Elisa

[She figures it out.

There will be no then.

There will be no Cameron.

There will be no John, or then, or now, or Cameron or an apartment looking over the trees and the beach and the people and the street lamps and moon and stars and sun and people alive and full of life.

And Jesse.

And Jesse.

And Jesse.

And that's the worst pain of all.]

Still I waited for the day, when she'd say, 'I will always love you'
Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do
Like she loved me, when she loved me
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me

When She Loved Me - Sarah McLachlan

[The hallway is empty. She stands there, looking at the door, fisting the sleeves of her jacket and swallowing and swallowing and swallowing. She looks up at the light above her, at the one on the wall, at the light coming out from under the door at 14G. Her toes curl in her boots and she presses her thumb to the keycard clutched in her right fist. Her heart pounds and she feels dizzy, nauseous, eyes stinging and teeth clenching and tongue pressed to the right of her mouth. She sways, looks back at the light above her and down to the far end of the hall where the window is and the tree blocks the view of the sky.

She swipes the card.]

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

[And in the end it's just the moon.

And the lamp.

And the smell of fresh linen, and popcorn, and fresh water and pain and pain and the worst pain.

And Jesse.

And John.

And Riley.]

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty
Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

Stand Still, Look Pretty - The Wreckers

Download the full rar + covers ~~here~~

New link 22/07/09

GIP

2009-03-19T12:56:20Z

Leven Rambin [001 - 020]

For Round 16 over at celeb20in20.

10 THEMES

corner	different	family	far	green


motion	near	song title	spring	yellow

5 CATEGORY - BODY PARTS

Body part #1	Body part #2	Body part #3	Body part #4	Body part #5

5 ARTIST'S CHOICE

Artist's Choice #1	Artist's Choice #2	Artist's Choice #3	Artist's Choice #4	Artist's Choice #5

Comment, credit, it's all good.

Picspam - Summer Glau's characters

2009-01-31T02:38:09Z

PRIMA BALLERINA - ANGEL

I don't dance. I echo.

RIVER TAM - FIREFLY

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.

PAIGE PRATT - COLD CASE

I can race and look good.

TICKET GIRL - SLEEPOVER

You go. Get in there.

MANDY COOPER - CSI

He got me interested in art.

RIVER TAM - SERENITY

It isn't mine. The memory, it isn't mine. And I shouldn't have to carry it. It isn't mine. Don't make me sleep again.
Put a bullet to me. Bullet in the brain pan. Squish.

TESS DOERNER - THE 4400

Oh, wow, this one's my favourite. Come on everyone, let's- let's dance!

CRYSTAL BURNS - THE UNIT

How do you get up every morning, and not think about where he is, what he's doing,
if he's okay, or if he's even thinking about you?

JACK ABERNATHY - MAMMOTH

Ride the tempest. Tame the waves, kill the sharks.

LINDSEY GOODWIN - THE INITIATION OF SARAH

As mom said, people find their own level. I found mine. Looks like you found yours.

CAMERON PHILLIPS - TERMINATOR:
THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

It's freakin' big.

Picspam - Top Ten Favourite Characters

2009-01-20T05:15:38Z

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

When you are aspiring to the highest place, it is honorable to reach the second or even the third rank.

RIVER TAM - THE FUGITIVE

I remember everything. I remember too much.
And some of it's made up, and some of it can't be quantified, and there's secrets, and...
But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me, you found me broken.
It's hard for you. You gave up everything you had.

KAYLEE FRYE - THE MECHANIC

Don't pay anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky.

CAMERON PHILLIPS - THE MACHINE

Come with me if you want to live.

RODNEY MCKAY - THE GENIUS

I think I may actually be getting smarter.
It's hard to say for sure because I was pretty smart to start with but, um, recently I've been having some ideas that
I don't think even I would have thought of before.

DANIEL JACKSON - THE ARCHAEOLOGIST

Anyway, I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how I feel about it. What do you think?

DAPHNE MILLBROOK - THE SPEEDSTER

Last year I could barely move.
And then there was an eclipse, and afterwards I could walk.
And then I could run. And then I could run really fast.
And now I'm back to where I started.

JOHN CONNOR - THE SAVIOUR OF MANKIND

You've reached the future leader of mankind. May take me a while to get back to you, but leave a message anyway.

MRS LOVETT - THE ACCOMPLICE

Yes, I lied 'cause I love you.

JENNIFER KELLER - THE DOCTOR

Well, that's right, you just have to lie still and let me play with your insides... Sorry.

DONNA NOBLE - THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN
IN THE UNIVERSE

What the hell is this place?

Thomas Dekker ; Thomas Dekker Has The Swagger Of A Champion ; a Fanmix

2009-01-16T05:12:17Z

[For those of you wondering what the hell this is all about, I just like poking fun of Thomas Dekker through music. A lot. And Thomas is fabulous. And is secretly in love with Britney Spears.

I know these things.

(I'm like one of those kids who bully others just to make themselves feel better)]

Daddy-O
You got the swagger of a champion

Womanizer - Britney Spears

Kiss kiss gonna tell you right now
I'll make it sweet on the lips I'll simply knock you out
Shut up I don't care what you say
Cuz when we both in the ring you're gonna like it my way
Yeah baby there's a villain in me so sexy sour and sweet
And you'll be loving it

Keeps Gettin' Better - Christina Aguilera

Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

Switch me on
Turn me up
Don't want it Baudelaire
Just glitter lust
Switch me on
Turn me up
I want to touch you
You're just made for love
I need la la la la la la
I need ooh la la la la

Ooh La La - Goldfrapp

Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if u seek Amy

If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears

Tell you like it is with a kiss
I can see the swing of your hips
Tell you like it is it's like this
Waiting for a trick from your brother

Get Shaky - Ian Carey Project

How can I care if it's not you?
You smile at the things that I do,
And then you say I'm as cold as November.

Queen of Pain - Devil Doll

There's only two types of guys out there
Ones that can hang with me
And ones that are scared
So baby, I hope that you came prepared
I run a tight ship, so beware

Circus - Britney Spears

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me
The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid

Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

The next one up
A contemptible snob
He lived to put things in their place
He did a commendable job
He put himself so low
He can hardly even look me in the face

Get Him Back - Fiona Apple

I'm a leader, I'm a winner, and I'm cleaner
Cause I'm awesome
I don't need you cause I'm neato and I beat you
Cause I'm awesome
That's right

Because I'm Awesome - The Dollyrots

You have learned your lesson - crime never pays!

To The Taxmobile - The Beatles vs Batman

Download the full rar + covers here.

GIP

2009-01-15T00:23:17Z

Summer Glau - [001 - 020]

For Round 14 over at celeb20in20.

10 THEMES

athletic	blue	chair	cold	hand[s]


laid back	large text	music	party	shades

5 CATEGORY - SEASONS

Summer	Spring	Autumn	Winter	Season

5 ARTIST'S CHOICE

Artist's Choice #1	Artist's Choice #2	Artist's Choice #3	Artist's Choice #4	Artist's Choice #5

Comment, credit, it's all good.

GIP

2009-01-13T03:31:37Z

Thomas Dekker [001 - 020]

001	002	003


004	005	006


007	008	009


010	011	012


013	014	015


016	017	018


019	020

Comment, credit, it's all good.

GIP

2008-12-15T00:36:42Z

Thomas Dekker - [001 - 020]

For Round 13 over at celeb20in20.

10 THEMES

blur	choice words	empty	green	light(s)


magnificent	red	split	star	symbol(s)

5 CATEGORY - EMOTIONS

category #1	category #2	category #3	category #4	category #5

5 ARTIST'S CHOICE

Artist's Choice #1	Artist's Choice #2	Artist's Choice #3	Artist's Choice #4	Artist's Choice #5

If using, comment, credit, it's all good.

finding_jay @ 2008-11-26T11:41:00

2008-11-26T02:59:57Z

I just watched Strange Things Happen At The One Two Point, and just a few thoughts I've got on Riley...

I made a comment on this at the SCS.net forums, but I'll put them here, too.

I don't think she's a refugee from the future. The scene with Jesse and Riley in the change room at the store (it was a change room, right?) has got me thinking that. I think she's just a lost kid Jesse picked up on the way. While Riley did explode at her foster family, saying they'd all be burned and what else, it seemed more along the lines of something she only found out recently. You know when you find out some really bad news and you keep it bottled up inside and then somebody or something pushes you over the line and you just explode? Yeah, it seemed more like that for me.

Furthermore, being a kid trapped in the foster system, I wouldn't be surprised if Riley is fragile and is the kind to latch onto someone the moment they show any sort of affection or liking to her. Again, the change room scene. We know Jesse is a liar, or at least one to 'leave out the facts'. Look at her with Derek- she's clearly got some other motive going on than what she told Derek. Is it possible she wants to stop John from growing closer to Cameron? Yes. Cameron is a machine and the resistance hates the machines (and I'll get back to this later). John Connor, leader of mankind, is not meant to like a machine. Uncle Bob #1 and #2 are exceptions. They were short-term protectors sent back to save him when he was going to be attacked. Cameron is long-term. Anybody is going to at least form some kind of bond with someone who is meant to protect you. If Cameron doesn't become Romantic Interest #1, John will at least see her in a sisterly or motherly sort of way. But I'm going off track.

Going back to resistance hating machines, Riley doesn't seem to be like that. If she was sent back on a mission, she would recognise Cromartie, and she would probably be scared of him or hate him. It's also possible Cromartie would recognise her. This didn't happen when Cromartie came a-knocking when she was home with John. She saw him as a weirdo who barged into the house. Scared? Probably, but I can tell you from first-hand experience, it's not fun when some guy enters your home and starts walking around like he owns the joint. But she didn't seem terrified when she opened the door. She didn't start attacking as Derek or Jesse would probably do. She knew something was up, sure, but she didn't harbour any suspicions of him not being human.

This leads to my theory that when Jesse came back from the future, for whatever reason, she found Riley and realised she could use her to her advantage. Leven posted a note on her website (that I can't find now) that Riley was meant to look sort of 'frumpy' and over the coming episodes she would dress better and become more sure of herself. Riley, while she comes off as sure and perhaps a little cocky, does seem to be uncertain of herself. And Jesse is clearly very manipulative and knows how to fool people. She knows how to drag people into her web. Look at her with Derek in last week's episode. Charlie said love makes people do stupid things. Derek doesn't even truly know if Charlie tortured him. Could it have been an alternate future? Yes, definitely. But Derek doesn't know that for sure.

I wouldn't be surprised if Riley loved Jesse, if only in mother-figure sort of way. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Riley was suffering some sort of Stockholm Syndrome. Look at the way Jesse held her and stroked her hair. The way she spoke to her. She was pulling her further and further in to what she wanted Riley to do.

I think Jesse would have told Riley some of the facts of the future. The nuclear fallout, the war, the amount of people who died. I think she would have told Riley that John Connor was the only one who could stop Judgment Day, or save the world. I think she would have left out the part of robots. You pull a normal, sixteen-year-old off the streets and ask them, what's more possible: nuclear war or robots, they'll probably say nuclear war. This is the world we live in. It's more like that tomorrow a nuclear bomb will drop on my house than a robot will come in and blast my head off. Riley, for all her emotional weakness, is an average kid. Jesse would know that. Riley is also like John in a lot of ways- foster family, not a good background, a little lost, rebels. Riley's also attractive and is looking for a friend. Jesse wants to stop John from attaching to Cameron, so she's probably using Riley as a way to get John's attention (as well as whatever else she's going planned in her mission).

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the Jesse/Riley/John(/Derek) relationship. I don't know how true they are, or what the writers have planned, but if any of it's true, I hope, hope, hope Riley's not from the future. I don't have much luck with my hopes and thoughts on the way shows turn out (but I was right when I said Catherine was a terminator!), but that's my one wish for the way Riley's character goes. I love the twists and turns the writers do with the show- it's like Heroes Lite in that manner, but not in a bad way.

GIP

2008-09-28T04:47:59Z

REAL PEOPLE

Amanda Tapping - [001 - 007]
Billie Piper - [008 - 038]
Jewel Staite - [039 - 055]
Lena Headey - [056 - 062]
Summer Glau - [063 - 123]
Summer Glau/Thomas Dekker - [124 - 127]
Thomas Dekker - [128 - 131]

TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

Cameron Phillips - [132 - 140]
John Connor - [141 - 142]

001	002	003


004	005	006


007	008	009


010	011	012


013	014	015


016	017	018


019	020	021


022	023	024


025	026	027


028	029	030


031	032	033


034	035	036


037	038	039


040	041	042


043	044	045


046	047	048


049	050	051


052	053	054


055	056	057


058	059	060


061	062	063


064	065	066


067	068	069


070	071	072


073	074	075


076	077	078


079	080	081


082	083	084


085	086	087


088	089	090


091	092	093


094	095	096


097	098	099


100	101	102


103	104	105


106	107	108


109	110	111


112	113	114


115	116	117


118	119	120


121	122	123


124	125	126


127	128	129


130	131	132


133	134	135


136	137	138


139	140	141


142

Thomas Dekker ; OMG That Thomas Shameless ; a Fanmix

2008-03-30T13:27:55Z

[LOL I did it again. For reference, my Thomas Dekker Is A Fucking Champion mix is here. Because Thomas Dekker is a champ (bitches can't deny) but at the same time, he's absolutely shameless.

BUT ISN'T THAT WHY WE ALL LOVE HIM?

YES?

YES?]

And all I said was, 'HEY KATRINA!' Happy. And she was offended. And I wanna know why- here's my question. SHUT UP, here's my question. Oh, shit, she's still on the phone. And here's my question: Why, in social society, can we not welcome people with open arms? You know, if someone said to me, 'HEY THOMAS!' I'd take it as a fucking compliment, not a fucking disparaging remark. And that's the problem with society.

Hey Katrina! - Thomas Dekker

They tried to make me go to rehab
I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time
and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab
but I won't go go go

Rehab - Amy Winehouse

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
That something wasnt right here
Oh baby baby, I shouldnt have let you go
And now youre out of sight, yeah
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because
My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
When Im not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

Baby One More Time - Britney Spears

He was some boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B.
And when he played his boogie woogie bugle
He was busy as a busy bee.
And when he played he made the company jump eight to the bar.
He’s the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B.
Andata toodliata-toodliata toot toot
He blows it eight to the bar.
He can’t blow a note if a bass and guitar
Isn’t with him.
And the company jumps when he plays reveille.
He’s the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - The Puppini Sisters

There's a tugboat, huh, huh, down by the river don'tcha know
Where a cement bag just a'droopin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten old Macky's back in town
Now d'ja hear 'bout Louie Miller? He disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash
And now MacHeath spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?

Mack the Knife - Bobby Darin

It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy, something inching past the edge of reserve.
Now through the lines of the cheap venetian blinds your car is pulling off of the curb.
Hey!
Just when you think you're in control,
just when you think you've got a hold,
just when you get on a roll,
Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again.
I should have known, should have known,
should have known again,
but here it goes again.

Here It Goes Again - OK Go

I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy
But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy
What's practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?
All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there
I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it

I'm a Slave 4 U - Britney Spears

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge
I can see you're on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch if you're smart

Milkshake - Kelis

Here we come
Driving down
Deep and wide
Blue and green
Breathing in
Come alive
here we come
With the starsLetting slip it through my fingers
Little rings float in your eyes
Try to forget who you are now
Stare into space - watch the sky

Crystalline Green - Goldfrapp

I spotted you dancin'
You made all the girls stare
Those lips and your brown eyes
And the sexy hair.
I shake-shake my thing
I make the world want you
Tell your boys you'll be back
I wanna see what you can do

Boys [the co-ed remix] - Britney Spears

I'm sick of this dirty dress
I'm thinking I might do less, now
There's something I must confess, to you
You know how everydays
The same old everyways, well
I've got a secret to tell
I can't contain it anymore
Who's knocking at your door?

I Never Liked You - The Rogue Traders

I'm bringing sexy back (yeah)
Them other boys don't know how to act (yeah)
I think you're special whats behind your back (yeah)
So turn around and ill pick up the slack. (yeah)
Take em' to the bridge
Dirty babe (uh huh)
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave (uh huh)
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave (uh huh)
It's just that no one makes me feel this way (uh huh)
Take em' to the chorus
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it

Sexyback - Justin Timberlake

Download the full rar + covers ~~here.~~

~~New link 22/04/08~~

New Link 17/01/09

T:SCC ; Sarah/Cameron ; 01001001 01001100 01010101 - a Fanmix

2008-03-18T12:52:31Z

[She thinks in ones and zeroes. The fly by in her artificial veins, through her circuits and wires. Programmed to mimic emotion, to fit in, to go under the radar. Telling her to protect John Connor. That is her mission, her duty. Her destiny, as humans say. Sarah Connor is to protected so long as she doesn't get in the way of her mission.

She thinks that her secondary systems came up with the plan in the background, as she walks during the night, looking and thinking and planning and deciding. Sarah Connor rarely smiles, even more rarely laughs. Laughter is the best medicine- at least that's what the TV tells her. She would thank the TV for explaining but it isn't as advanced as her and wouldn't understand.

The ones and zeroes flare when she stands in Sarah Connor's doorway late at night and watches her sleep. The primary systems don't like it. She is not the mission, she is not to be protected. Her secondary systems continue to hum away, not caring.

Sarah Connor is John Connor's mother. She has the same mission as I do. She must be protected. Human mothers do not eat their young like hamsters.

She learnt the last one in school.]

'It's so beautiful here,' she says,
'This moment now and this moment, now.
And I never thought I would find her here:
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed.
But she's looking at me, straight to center,
No room at all for any other thought.
And I know I don't want this, oh, I swear I don't want this.
There's a reason not to want this but I forgot.

Recessional - Vienna Teng

['Do you have to do that?' Sarah asks sharply over breakfast the following morning. She doesn't eat breakfast. She drinks coffee, black, bitter. Half a teaspoon of sugar, three large spoonfuls of coffee.

Cameron blinks, waiting for her to explain.

'Do you have to watch me?'

Cameron blinks again. Humans don't like to be stared at. 'No.'

Sarah squints at her before taking another large gulp of her coffee. John's spoon clatters in the bowl.

'Thought we already had a talk about the whole staring thing,' he says. There's milk on his lips and he wipes it away with the back of his hand.

'You said not to stare in public. We are not in public.'

'How about no staring period?' Sarah suggests as she grabs John's empty bowl and takes it up to the sink. It's her skin that fascinates Cameron- the way it moves over her bones and muscles, how it keeps everything in place. Holds her blood and bones, organs and brains. She would be nothing without it. Cameron can function without her skin. The ones and zeroes laugh at it, reminding her that humans need more to survive than just skin. Clingwrap would function just as well.

Cameron tilts her head, watching as Sarah turns. She watches as her thighs tense and relax as she walks past her, down the corridor.

'What're you looking at?'

Cameron looks over at John, trying to come up with the appropriate response. 'Your mother has a fine ass,' she finally says. The boys at school say it sometimes.

John frowns, taken aback. 'What?'

'Her buttocks is well formed,' Cameron explains patiently. John continues to frown, puzzled.

'I'm not sure which one of those sentences is more disturbing,' he mutters as he pulls his bag onto his shoulder.]

She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound
But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen

She's So High - Tal Bachman

[It's Sarah's eyes that grab her next. She finds herself studying them, wondering if it'd be at all possible to convince her systems to change the colour of her own eyes to match. They're green- a wonderful, spectacular, pale green, ringed with a deeper hue. In some lights the outer ring appears to be almost teal, adding a fantastic blue touch. Cameron wants to touch.

Sarah calls her on her staring again- Cameron wants to explain that she's not staring, she's studying, but Sarah is already moving onto the next topic. Cameron doesn't think Sarah would understand, anyway, and somehow that doesn't bother her.]

Minutes turn to days
Years just melt away
In the park at dawn
Just a flower on
I keep callin' to you
My baby blue, my baby blue

My Baby Blue - John Hiatt

[The girls at school seem obsessed with the topic of relationships. Who's dating whom, who had sex on the weekend, where somebody's boyfriend is taking them. They always get angry when another girl is dating a friend's ex-boyfriend or expresses interest in doing so.

Cameron asks John about it. John replies that girls are just odd in that aspect and to not get involved. She starts asking more questions and John waves her off with, 'it's a female thing' and turns back to his math homework.

So Cameron asks Sarah.

'Why d'you wanna know?' she asks distractedly. She's making dinner. Although Cameron doesn't need to eat she's fascinated by food and the preparation of it. Sarah said she'd enrol her in cooking classes if she was that interested but never got around to doing so. Cameron classifies it as an empty promise.

'What's it like?' she replies.

'What's what like?'

'Love.'

Sarah looks up, frowning slightly before turning back to the potatoes. 'Teenage girls don't fall in love. Usually. They think they do but they don't.'

'I'm not a teenage girl.'

'You're not really a girl.'

'You call me "she". Does that not make me female?'

'It... it makes things easier.'

'For you or for everyone else?'

'Hand me the butter.'

Cameron makes a move to before stopping. Sarah looks at her expectantly, holding her hand out. 'Tell me what it feels like.'

'What?'

'Tell me what it feels like to love.'

Sarah drops her hand. 'You're bargaining with butter?'

'Yes.'

With a dramatic sigh, Sarah leans against the kitchen bench. 'It makes you feel warm and tingly and all around happy.'

'Like a bath?'

'Yeah. Wait- what?'

Cameron hands her the butter. 'When I have a bath I get warm and tingly.'

'You get tingly?'

'Yes.' Cameron pauses for a moment. 'Would you like to go to the prom with me?'

That seems to really throw Sarah off. 'What?'

'The prom. You're meant to ask someone you like to go with you. I would like you to go with you.'

'Why?'

'We are on good terms with one another and you find my company pleasant when I'm not being a big scary robot. I'm also pretty. People like their dates to be pretty.'

Sarah frowns at her. Before she can respond, the door opens and Derek and John enter in various states of filth and injury. As John walks off, beaming and tossing a football, Derek wipes sweat off his upper lip.

'Never- never- playing football with that kid again.']

I've been awake for a while now
You got me feelin like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place
It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

Bubbly - Colbie Caillat

['You asked Mom to go to the prom with you?'

Cameron looks up. The ones and zeroes don't like English. She should be good at it- her teachers says she has 'potential'- but it involves analysis, synthesis, empathy. Math is easier.

'Yes.'

John has the same expression Sarah had on Wednesday. There's a bruise on his cheek from when he'd been playing with Derek. Sarah kept tsking at it, saying it would draw attention.

'Why would you do that?'

Cameron blinks. 'I was under the belief that you're meant to invite someone to the prom.'

'Morris asked you.'

Cameron waits for him to continue.

'You said yes.'

'You told me to.'

'You're going to the prom with Morris!'

Cameron blinks again.

'Don't you like him?'

'I like Sarah better.'

John gawks. 'Why?'

Cameron looks down at her English homework. The Grapes of Wrath. She doesn't like it but it must be read. 'She makes me tingly.']

And it's only doubts that we're counting
On fingers broken long ago
I read with every broken heart we should become
More adventurous
And if you banish me from your profits
And if I get banished from the kingdom up above
I'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love
Let me be loved, let me be loved

More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley

['Cameron, I'm not going to the prom with you.'

She watches as Sarah puts the safety on another gun and sets it aside. There's a grubby rag in her hand as she cleans the weapons, sorting them, making sure the safety is on. Cameron stands by her chair, watching her work, pointing out areas where she's missed a spot.

'You're going with Morris. Don't you want to go with him?'

'John said something similar.'

Sarah picks up another gun, snaps the safety in place. Cameron finds her eyebrows narrowing. That's dangerous.

'Why don't you want to go with me?'

Setting the gun down, Sarah looks up at her in shock. 'Why? Why? Why would I?'

'Girls can wear gowns and boys wear suits. There is music and dancing. Sometimes there are balloons. Often there is kissing. Kissing is meant to be pleasurable. Apparently couples are meant to return home and have sex.' She stops. Sarah is still looking up at her, an eyebrow raised.

'And this is meant to interest me how?'

'Sex is also meant to be pleasurable.'

'And...?'

'We could have sex after. If you wanted to. I'm not pressuring you.'

Sarah blinks, her brow still raised.

'We were told in sexual education that we shouldn't pressure our partners into having sex.'

'I see.'

'It's a highly valuable lesson.'

'Yes, I imagine it is.'

'Are you coming to the prom with me?'

'No, Cameron.'

Cameron is silent as she watches Sarah wipe down another gun. When she sets it aside she speaks again.

'We could have sex anyway.'

'I'm not going to have sex with you.'

'We could kiss. Many teenage girls do. It would be an experience that would help me fit in at school. John is very insistent on me not being a freak.'

'Maybe some other time.'

Cameron nods, making sure to remember that.]

I know I've been a liar
and I know I've been a fool
I hope we didn't break it
But I'm glad we broke the rules
My cave is deep now
Yet your light is shinning through
I cover my eyes
Still all I see is you

The Animals Were Gone - Damien Rice

[She's doing pull-ups again. The sun is setting and Cameron is standing on the porch steps, watching as Sarah hefts herself up. Her shoulders are straining, the skin on her back glistening with sweat. Dropping to the ground, she turns, doing a double take as she looks at Cameron.

'You're ready,' she says.

Cameron looks down at the dress she's wearing. It's a soft, silky sky blue. Turning back to Sarah, she lifts her foot. 'These shoes are not functional.'

The corner of Sarah's mouth twitches as she heads up to the house. Pausing by Cameorn, she runs her finger under the strap of the dress, fixing it.

'You're going with Murray, I'm guessing?'

'Morris,' Cameron corrects as she follows Sarah. She heads to the kitchen and pours herself a large cold glass of water. 'And yes. These shoes are uncomfortable.'

'They're meant to be.'

'Why?'

Sarah shrugs and drains the glass before pouring herself another one. 'I don't understand. Guess women just like to suffer for fashion.'

'But you're a woman. John said females would understand. How can you not?'

Sarah sets the glass down and leans against the kitchen bench. She runs her eyes over Cameron, the tiniest smile on her lips.

'You look nice,' she finally says.

'Thank you,' Cameron replies automatically. 'You look nice, too.'

'I've been working out. I don't look nice.'

'You do,' Cameron insists. 'You're glowing.']

Have you seen her all in gold?
Like a queen in days of old
She shoots colors all around
Like a sunset going down
Have you seen a lady fairer?
She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow]

She's a Rainbow - Rolling Stones

[They've got a tip on the location on the Turk. Sarah hesitates at first before bringing Cameron along- she doesn't want her exploding again. The building they're in is falling to pieces and Cameron's systems judge that there is a 57.2% chance of it falling down on top of them. Derek says there's a 57.2% chance of him pulling the chip from her head if she keeps talking like that.

The ones and zeroes laugh at him and Cameron does, too.

'Why does she do that?' Derek mutters. Cameron's following Sarah while keeping a close eye on John.

'She thinks you're funny,' John replies.

'She doesn't think anything.'

'I think Sarah's pretty.'

Sarah turns around at that. Her gun is out, finger itching to pull the trigger. She's nervous- Sarkissian's trick had gotten under her skin. Cameron stops a few feet short of her, turning her attention to their surroundings, looking for threats. A sound coming from outside catches her attention.

Racing to the window she looks down at the ground three stories below. A truck is pulling away, crashing through a fence. She can't see the driver's face.

'We have to go,' she says, snatching Sarah's hand and pulling her away from the window. Another sound- smashing glass, bullets her system supplies. Tossing Sarah to the ground, Cameron lunges for John and grabs his ankle, tugging him down. Looking over her shoulder, she waits until the first round of bullets stop before running back to Sarah. She's already up on her feet. Her eyes are on John but she flickers them over to Cameron for just a moment. Cameron reads it as a silent thanks.

Without a word they run from the building, Cameron staying ahead of John, Sarah by her side.]

There she goes again
With fishnets on, and dreadlocks in her hair
She broke my heart, I wanna be sedated
All I wanted was to see her naked
Now I am watchin’ wrestling
Tryin’ to be a tough guy
Listenin’ to rap metal
Turntables in my eyes
I can’t grow a mustache
And I ain’t got no season pass
All I got’s a moped

The Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup

['You said you thought I was pretty,' Sarah says later that evening. A shard of glass had cut her shoulder and Cameron's cleaning the injury. It doesn't require stitches but it's wide and sensitive to touch.

'Yes,' she replies as she dabs antiseptic on it and prepares the bandage.

'You can judge these things?'

'Yes. I am capable of my own actions and thoughts, so long as they don't affect my mission.'

Sarah is quiet for a moment, hissing when Cameron puts too much pressure on the cut. Making sure the bandage is sticking, Cameron hands Sarah her shirt. Sitting back down beside her on the couch, she recaps the bottle of antiseptic and sets it back in the first aid kit.

'Thank you.'

'You were injured. You couldn't reach it.'

'I mean for thinking I'm pretty.'

Cameron blinks, looking up at her. 'Oh.'

Again Sarah is quiet. The TV is on, the sound down low. The pictures flicker across the screen. At first the ones and zeroes didn't like them- they moved too fast and she found herself concentrating on each tiny frame instead of the moving parts. She's learnt to adapt, though, to simply watch.

Putting the kit away, she returns and sits back down beside Sarah.

'Can you feel?' she asks suddenly. 'I know you can mimic, but... if you can, uh, appreciate things, like appearances, can you feel?'

Cameron looks at the screen. Her systems are trying to analyze each tiny picture and it frustrates her. Looking away she tries to focus on Sarah's question but her systems don't like it. The ones and zeroes flare, telling her to anaylze the TV again. They don't like Sarah, she complicates things. Human and female with the unnecessary emotion of love.

'Cameron?'

'You should have a bath,' she says.]

Surrender, I won't defend ya'
Translation overload, return to sender
Are you mistaken, I won't partake in
I really wanna but I promise I'm not faking
Why don't you hold my hand?

Don't You Wanna Feel - Rogue Traders

[It takes a week for the injury to close up and another few days before the swelling goes down. Sarah doesn't complain when Cameron checks it, dresses it, and makes sure it's not infected. Cameron is thankful for that- it makes it all much less difficult.

She finds Sarah in her bedroom, pushing the trunk back under the bed that holds their guns. It's late, Monday night. John is in his room doing homework, Derek watching TV, keeping an ear out for Cameron. He still doesn't trust her.

Sarah looks up at her expectantly, a wary look crossing her eye when Cameron shuts the door.

'He's listening,' Cameron replies. Sarah is still dressed even though it's 10:27 PM. Cameron wonders if she needs help with that.

'He's always listening. He doesn't trust you.'

Cameron already knows that so she doesn't say anything. She takes a step forward and although Sarah doesn't move Cameron knows she's ready to fight if that is the case.

'I should check your injury.'

'It's fine. It's better.'

'Oh.' The fact Sarah won't let her touch her is oddly disappointing. At least Cameron reads the system signals as disappointment. The ones and zeroes don't like it. Sarah Connor does not need her injuries checked by Cameron.

'What?'

'I was hoping you would take your shirt off.'

'I'm not going to take my shirt off for you, Cameron,' she says as she sits on the bed and unlaces her boots. Cameron watches as she tugs them off, socks coming off next. She wiggles her toes, her feet free from their prison.

'You're taking your boots off,' Cameron points out. 'That's a start.']

Big black boots,
long brown hair,
she's so sweet
with her get back stare.
Well I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yeah
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yeah
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet

[The house is quiet. John's at school and Sarah had sent Derek off or he'd wandered off on his own. Cameron doesn't know. She'd played hooky again- Sarah had sent her off on a mission. She likes playing hooky. Thursdays has history with Mrs Ward and economics with Mr Marsh.

'I want to do ballet again,' she announces. Sarah looks up from the paper she's been going through, a small stack of articles by her elbow, a pair of scissors in her hands. 'I enjoyed it. I was good at it. At school we're told to follow our talents and hobbies.'

'Your teacher is dead. You let her be killed.'

'I could get another. You could take lessons with me.'

For some reason that makes Sarah smile. Cameron tilts her head but doesn't question it. She likes seeing Sarah smile. It makes her tingle. It makes Sarah glow.

'I don't think so, Cameron. I haven't worn a leotard since I was six.'

Cameron sits down next to her and looks at the articles.

'We'll see, though. About enrolling you.'

'Will you come to the end of year recital?'

'We'll see.'

Cameron looks up at her and smiles. It seems to surprise Sarah but there's a similar smile on her face.

'Thank you.'

'Why can't you take up something like salsa, though? You could teach me. It won't be like prom but then we could dance together.'

The smile on Cameron's face brightens. She ignores the buzzing ones and zeroes and rests her hand on Sarah's. When she doesn't pull away Cameron threads their fingers together and points out another article of interest.]

Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never never let you go
I love you oh so much

Save The Last Dance For Me - John Barrowman

[She finds Sarah sitting on one of the swings, rocking herself back and forth. It's early in the morning, the sun just starting to peek up over the horizon. She stands by the swingset for a moment and when Sarah doesn't say anything she walks around and sits down next to her.

'You're up early.'

'I don't sleep,' Cameron replies.

'You've said that before.'

Looking up at the sky, she watches as the sunrays dancing along the clouds, in pinks and oranges, yellows and reds. They don't have many sunrises like this in the future. The skies are covered in dark clouds, the air filthy and thick with smog. Children are kept in the tunnels to avoid exposing them to the toxic air.

'Is John still asleep?'

'Yes.'

'Derek?'

'I didn't check.'

Sarah rocks herself back and forth, the chains squeaking. Cameron looks over at her, the sunlight on her features, making her glow. She likes it when Sarah glows. She turns to her, a questioning look on her face. Wordlessly, Cameron reaches out, holding the side of her face. Sarah eyes her hand but lets herself get tugged forward. Her lips are soft and part easily when Cameron swipes the lower with her tongue. The ones and zeroes start to argue but she ignores them. The rest of her system likes it, buzzing with pleasure. A flare runs over her body when Sarah rests her hand on her shoulder, another flash going through her when Sarah gasps as Cameron brushes the back of her hand against her breast.

Pulling back, Cameron blinks a few times, feeling more than just a few tingles. Sarah's pupils are blown, her lips red, parted, kiss-swollen.

'Oh,' Cameron says.

'Oh?'

'Mm.' She looks back over at the sunrise, licking her lips. She can taste Sarah on them. 'I liked that.'

Sarah is quiet, rocking back and forth on the swingset. There's another creak of the chains. Resting her hands on her lap, Cameron finds herself smiling. She hadn't even thought of doing it. The surprises her, and that, in turn, makes her smile grow wider.

'We should do that again.'

'Yes,' Sarah agrees.]

I was put here for a reason
I was born into this world
And I'm living and I'm believing
I was meant to be your girl
In this life
In this life
You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything's been happening
You've opened up my eyes

In This Life - Delta Goodrem

Download the full rar + covers ~~here~~

~~New link 29/04/08~~

New link 06/06/09

Thomas Dekker ; Thomas Dekker Is A Fucking Champion - a Fanmix

2008-02-18T14:06:00Z

[Because, whether you want to admit it or not, Thomas Dekker is a fucking champion. And, in my mind, this is the music he listens to when he wants to get his groove on.

Take 'groove' however you will. Frankly, I like to think he pulls a Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Socks, boxers, shirt, sunnies, the whole dealy.

Come on, with hips like his, who doesn't want to picture that?

YES I WENT THERE

Though he'll never be as pretty as Summer Glau, and you know how cries himself to sleep about that every night.

Also, I must add, he loves Britney as much as Chris Crocker, if not more. DEAL.]

Outrageous
When I move my body
Outrageous
When I'm at a party
Outrageous
In my sexy jeans
Outrageous
When I'm on the scene
Outrageous
My sex drug
Outrageous
My shopping spree

Outrageous - Britney Spears

She got the power of the hootchie
I got the fever for the flava of the cootchie
I'm your lovey dovey bedtime playa
Call me your super sexy boogie man slayer
I got the green glow under my car
I got the boom boom system you can hear real far
Oh hey hey hey hey hey hey hey oh pretty pretty shy, whoop whoop
Oh hey hey hey hey hey hey hey oh pretty pretty fly, whoop whoop
What do I have to say to get inside girl, what do I have to say

Fever For The Flava - Hot Action Cop

I love to boogie,
Yes, I love to boogie on a Saturday night,
I said, I love to boogie, I love to boogie,
Jitterbug boogie, I love to boogie,
I love to boogie, on a Saturday night

I Love To Boogie - T-Rex

Bing bang, I saw the whole gang
Dancing on my living room rug,
Well-a flip flop, they was doing the bop
All the teens had the dancin bug
There was-a lollipop with Peggy Sue
Good Golly, Miss Molly was even there, too!
And a, splish splash, I forgot about the bath
I went and put my dancin shoes on, yeah

Splish Splash - Sha-Na-Na

Girl!
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
Gay bar, gay bar
Let's start a war, start a nuclear war,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar

Gay Bar - Peaches

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic

Toxic - Britney Spears

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time

YMCA - The Village People

Theres a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I am gonna do it
Like you never do it
Like you never knew it
Oh, I'll make it through

I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross

Don't go for second best baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know, you've got to
Make him express how he feels
And maybe then you'll know your love is real
You don't need diamond rings
Or eighteen karat gold
Fancy cars that go very fast
You know they never last, no, no
What you need is a big strong hand
To lift you to your higher ground
Make you feel like a queen on a throne
Make him love you till you can't come down

Express Yourself - Madonna

I got this voodoo child inveined on me
I'm gonna use my power to ascend
You know I got these running heels to use
Sometimes there's no way to lose
I was born to run
And built to last
You've never seen my feet
Cause they can go so fast

Canned Heat - Jamiroquai

I'm gonna set this whole world on fire,
And smile while I watch it ignite,
And everyday there's a new volcano
To erupt and cover me with lava life
If only life could be like this, like this

Lava Life - Thomas Dekker

I’m Mrs. 'Lifestyles of the rich and famous'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Extra! Extra! This just in'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'She’s too big now she’s too thin'
(You want a piece of me)

Piece Of Me - Britney Spears

Download the full rar + covers ~~here.~~

~~New link 22/04/08~~

New Link 30/07/08

House ; House/Wilson ; Secrets Between You and I - a Fanmix

2007-12-21T00:58:11Z

[He knew it the first time he met House. He'd heard people talking about him, giving him warnings. 'He doesn't like anyone. He's no one's friend.' All the other doctors and nurses gave him sympathetic looks when it was discovered his locker was next to House's. Maybe he was a little nervous on meeting him.

House was the first to speak when they ran into each other.

'You're the Jew.'

'And you're the crippled bastard everyone told me about.'

House squinted at him. That lunch, Wilson paid for lunch and House made some vague half-promise of paying him back.

Five years later he still hasn't.]

[Wilson's POV]

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and
You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you

You're So Vain - Carly Simon

[House likes to think of it as some primal need. Companionship, a second, someone to just be another prescence. Humans are pack animals, he can't escape that.

He can scientifically analyse it until Judgement Day (like that's going to ever happen) but he still wound up with a friend when all he really wanted was his vicodin and maybe Stacey to come back, just so he could ram his cane up her ass. And try as he might, he can't shake Wilson. He turns up at his office with those ugly ties and freshly polished shoes.

He pays for lunch, though.]

[House's POV]

And when I see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around

A Lack of Color - Death Cab For Cutie

[House gets on his nerves more than anyone suspects, which, all things given, is most of the time. Someone once said that people hate the people they love the most.

That person must have known House.]

[Wilson's POV]

Hope you come down with something
They can't diagnose, don't have the cure for
Holding on to your grudge
Oh, it's so hard to have someone to love
And keeping quiet is hard
Cuz you can't keep a secret
If it never was a secret to start
At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught

Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New

[It never surprised House just how popular Wilson was with the nurses. Hell, who wouldn't be. He's smart, he's charming, he knows how to dress (even if his ties are horrible). House was the one who spread the rumour of him being in Elton John's league. But, and this was a surprise to House, he's ruthless. He can be as cutting as the rest of them. He's not unnecessarily nasty but he certainly knows how to hurt people. It's a side most people don't see, but House has, and it makes him do a quick one-two whenever it appears. It's strangely mesmerising.]

[House's POV]

Top of the fold, toast of the town, everyone stops when you come around
They hold their breath for you
Heroes are born, idols are made
We're all fools for this factory fame and you've got the brand new face
You've got the brand new face, golden boy

Golden Boy - Natalie Merchant

[He keeps an eye on House whenever he can. Man's a grown adult and yet he can't keep out of trouble. It's thrilling and exciting, yes, but still. Sometimes people need time to themselves.

Even so, it allows him to get to know House better, and over the years, Wilson learns all the sides to him. People act as if Wilson's the womaniser, the charmer, the ladies man. House has that side to him as well, even if it comes out as lewd innuendos, sarcastic remarks, leering down a woman's blouse. And, unintentionally, it works on Wilson, too.]

[Wilson's POV]

I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls come crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away
What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away
Would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth

What Would Happen If We Kissed? - Meredith Brooks

[None of it changes that House is still an arrogant bastard who thinks he knows more than anyone else (and, annoyingly, that's true in most cases. Lupus is not that common of a disease). House has become more of a childish prick over the years, especially before Cameron, Chase and Foreman left. Mean for the sake of being mean, wasn't that what Cuddy had said? Wilson would leave, too, if House didn't have such a grip on him.]

[Wilson's POV]

Now you think you're so damn fine
You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so
God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

So Beautiful - Pete Murray

[House, being the intelligent son of a bitch that he is, figures it all out quickly. The pieces fit together well. An unnecessary visit here, an paid lunch there. Nobody can keep a secret from House for long. And oh, how he pays Wilson out for it.

'You're just like a little boy. A little boy with a crush.'

And what can Wilson say to that?]

[Wilson's POV]

Everybody knows the reason why
I choke and choke I don't know
Why
But it's so hard on you
To go and throw
Somebodys heart in the washer

Come On Little Heartbreaker - Little Birdy

[He lets it all spill out over dinner. Chinese. Sweet and sour pork, to which House chides him like a child. People always seem to discuss intimate matters over food.

Amazingly, House bites his tongue. He digs his chopsticks into the box, takes a bite, and keeps quiet. Wilson isn't expecting him to suddenly admit all his feelings and the two of them fall into bed. And that doesn't happen. The next morning, House is back to his old ways, and somehow that hurts more than anything.]

[Wilson's POV]

I play a good game
But not as good as you
I can be a little cold
But you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick
I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough to take me on
If love was a war
It's you who has won
While I was confessing it
You held your tongue
Now the damage is done

Human - The Pretenders

[So Wilson avoids him. That's easy to do. He has appointments with patients backed up for two weeks, and he only manages to leave his office for clinic duty and visiting patients in their beds. He eats lunch in his office between appointments, keeps his head down and stays busy.

He guesses it's meant to be annoying when the phonecalls start. Prank calls to his cell and office phone. Then his house phone. And suddenly blank messages to his pager from a number he doesn't recognise. It's all House, he knows that, and it puts a smile on his face.

Late one Thursday night, when he's about to go home, he finds a note taped to his door. Written in a large, bold font is ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JIMMY A DULL BOY.]

[Wilson's POV]

Go ahead don't go
Don't leave my open arms all warm
And go see I don't know if you're here for me
Oh look the afternoon it's the only place that you and I belong
You're mine forever and a day

Beautiful To Me - Little Birdy

[Maybe it's because he's been thinking about it. When he was seventeen, he convinced a friend that a girl in the year below them had a thing for him. House didn't even know who she was. He just pulled a name from a yearbook. But his friend suddenly had to know everything about her. They started to date, but if his memory serves correctly, they broke up after six months. Still, it was interesting to see him get worked up into a frenzy.

He thinks that's what happening now. He knows what Wilson's feeling for him, and it's toying on his mind. House isn't a seventeen-year-old boy, but he thinks a lot, and now he's thinking about this a lot.

It's not fair that Wilson's been stuck in his office. He needs to talk at someone.]

[House's POV]

I remember someone old once said to me,
That "lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place could soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is, don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind, you know I will not let you down,
'Cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.

The Special Two - Missy Higgins

['You don't.'

Wilson looks up at him from his desk. 'You came to this conclusion how?'

'You can't.'

'Why?'

House twirls his cane about, watching the flash of yellow on black. 'Because I'm a bastard.'

'Admitting it is the first step to recovery,' Wilson says as he turns back to his papers.

'I'm an arrogant, crippled old bastard and who has much need for a boyfriend as I need a poodle.'

'A pet might make you happy.'

'I have Steve.'

'You buried his corpse in a trashcan. Your neighbours trashcan.'

House sets his cane on the floor and leans into it.

Wilson rolls his eyes. 'I didn't ask you out.'

'Do you wanna see a movie anyway?']

[House's POV]

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
Your face say these promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
Because I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

My Skin - Natalie Merchant

[It's easy to slip back into their old ways. Then again, nothing really changed. House continues to tease him about it until he finds something else to make fun of. In that case, it's his intials, which Wilson points out House has known since they met. It was the first thing he made fun of.

''You're the Jew.'

'And you're the crippled bastard everyone told me about.'

'The double Jew. They're your initials.'

'And you're the crippled bastard who got a job here because Cuddy felt sorry for you.'

'She didn't feel sorry for me.'

'My parents thought it was funny.']

[House's POV]

Remember when we first met
and everything was still a bet
in love's game
you would call; I'd call you back
and then I'd leave a message
on your answering machine

Honey and the Moon - Joseph Arthur

Download the full zip + covers ~~here.~~

~~New upload 09/08/08~~

New upload 23/01/09

River Tam Mood theme

2007-12-09T09:56:23Z

This really just started off to see if I could actually be bothered to make a mood theme. Over three hours later, I discovered, yes, I really am that bored.

Previews

Zip with all 132 moods plus the admin console codes are here.

You can also preview all 132 by following this link.

If you have any questions or need instructions on how to upload the mood theme, crackified has a great FAQ page over here, as well as instructions on how to upload the mood theme over here.

Please comment and credit if you use =) It's very much appreciated.

Firefly ; River/Simon ; don't take your eyes off me - a Fanmix

2007-11-06T03:29:23Z

[She waits for him. She waits and she waits and she waits and sometimes she writes but mostly she waits. It hurts to wake up because they're going to come for her and poke things into her arms and legs and chest and head and sometimes even her eyes. But she lies there, waiting and thinking and waiting for Simon to come and rescue her. She's a princess trapped in a castle but there's no toads in this story. It hurts to lie on the bed. Maybe if she rips her mattress up, her prince will come and rescue her because she's a real, true princess. All she has to do is wait.]

[River's POV]

These wings to fly are gonna last forever
Cos one by one my dreams come true
And I touch the sky whenever were together
I can't believe the joy I get with you
I'm thinking about your sugar lips
Got a feeling for you now thats so strong
I'm dreaming of the candy in your fingertips
Baby don't stay away from me too long

Honey to the Bee - Billie Piper

[She's not his mei-mei anymore. She's a twisted, fractured version, a grotesque mirror of the girl he grew up with. When she's lucid enough, she'll smile at him and touch his face and joke around, but in her darker moments, when she's trapped in her mind, Simon's stomach aches and not just because she kicks him there sometimes. In those moments, he touches her face, smile, stroke her cheek and if she lets him, he'll hold her, whisper in her ear- 'I have you, I love you, stay here with me'.]

[Simon's POV]

Hit me like a kick to a thickening gut
The beat has done beaten me up
No one's gonna lift me out of this rut
The groove has done ground me to dust
I'm knocking on the wrong cocoon
Spun another web of lies

Caterpillar Girl - Lou Barlow

[She knows he's desperate. She can see it in his eyes, she can feel it in his grip, she can hear it in his mind. Echoing around and around his head- he could be back on Osiris, he could be in the hospital, but he's hear because she's his mei-mei. Simon keeps her close, one eye on her all the time. River wonders if he sleeps with his eyes open like she used to do in The Academy. Alert all the time, awake, on edge, a noise that could be her getting into mischief or the ship settling. One or the other, never both, she was never really the ship.

She'll be good for him.]

[River's POV]

Sink your
Teeth into the taste of me and
Squeeze hard
'Til you can feel me splitting and you
Want more
You I want you, know I wanted more

Keep Me In Your Pocket - Charlotte Martin

[She sits reluctantly on the bed in the infirmary, pouting slightly, sweater sleeves over her hands. Stretched and worn, fraying slightly.

'I'm sorry,' he says. River rolls her eyes. She's calm today, if in a bad mood. Nightmares again.

No one's ever gonna be able to handle her, Jayne had said earlier that day. Simon didn't say anything, but he knew Jayne was right.

'He is,' River says.]

[Simon's POV]

If you don't mind why don't you mind
Where is your sense of indignation
You are too kind
Much too kind
Where is the madness that you promised me
Where is the dream for which I paid dearly

No One Will Ever Love You - The Magnetic Fields

[She lies awake at night, eyes squeezed shut tight, curled into a tight ball, blankets twisted around her feet. Haunting her chasing her sitting on her chest so hard to breathe they're on her chest can't get away run run run to big brother's room in his bed pressed tight.

Arms up his shirt, face to his neck and he swears so loudly.

'Your feet are cold!'

River giggles. Demons gone, devils away, sharp needles out of her arms and lying on her bed back in the Academy.

Not a prince but still a hero.]

[River's POV]

Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home
Now goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it wont be too soon til I say
Goodnight moon

Goodnight Moon - Shivaree

[It's like dying. Everything he knows was washed away the moment he snuck into that building and ran away with River. Kaylee dared to ask him one day if it was worth it, knowing everything he ever had was gone.

He hadn't answered her, but if he did he would have said yes. He's fixing his sister, slowly rebuilding her back into the girl he once knew. Connect the wires, tighten the screws, push the right buttons. He makes mistakes and she'll spend the rest of the day glaring at him through the curtain of dark hair that hides her face.

Somedays he'll press the right ones and she'll dance with him. He'll step on her toes and she'll hit him on the arm and laugh with her head back and it'll echo around Serenity.

It makes him nervous when he wakes up one morning with River in his arms and the realisation that those are the moments he is no living for.]

[Simon's POV]

The sirens woke me up again
O know they're coming for me someday just a matter of when
Count to 25 and yawn
Touch the clock and turn my back against the dawn
And hope for that one dream of hardware stores with checkered floors and Buckets full with nails
We're floating effortless over the apartment to the boat
I'm rowing past the office windows
Mother, mother may I cry
Father will you teach me how to die the right way someday

The Prescience of Dawn - The Weakerthans

[River's head is on his lap, legs up to her chest, arms around them. She's not quite awake but she's not asleep either. Simon's hand runs through her hair. It's wet from the shower she had earlier.

Kaylee's talking animatedly about something or another. He's trying to concentrate on her, he really is, but River's hands keep grabbing fistfuls of his slacks and there's just the right amount of pressure. She was always so very, very aware of everything going on around her. He could make her get up, he could.

He doesn't want her to.

'Mm-hmm,' River hums from his thighs.]

[Simon's POV]

We grew up together
From the cradle to the grave
We died and were reborn
And then mysteriously saved.

Oh, Sister - Bob Dyan

[There's a window just above the dining area. River likes to stand on the table, head craned and watch the stars pass by. She tries to convince Simon to put on a suit and sit on the hull as they fly through space but he goes pale and his eyes go wide and he gapes at her and he shakes his head again and again and again. He looks like a fish when he does that. River tells him that.

Jayne now calls him Fish Boy.

But the stars... she hadn't seen them in so long and now they call to her. She reaches up, hands stretching, on the very tips of her toes, trying to reach them. They change colour, twinkling, twirling, red and violet and blue and yellow and green and if she watches careful enough sometimes pink. She likes the blue ones best.

Simon watches her from the table. She's careful not to step in his food, 'specially when he's eating. He watches her, makes sure she doesn't fall. When someone's coming, he grabs her around the waist and plonks her on the ground, but most times he'll let her stand there, reaching for the stars.]

[River's POV]

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world

Across the Universe - Fiona Apple

[She'll dance around the cargo bay. It has the most room, she says. Mal gets a bit antsy sometimes, especially since the Incident with the Gun. It's capitalised in Simon's head.

Jayne is antsy around her by nature, so Simon won't let her do it when Jayne is working out.

Kaylee will dance with her sometimes, and sometimes the two girls will drag Simon into it. He was never much of a dancer. He mostly likes to watch the way River's hair whips around, the way her dress flutters, and the way she grins with her eyes closed and arms stretched out, her boots off and her mind nowhere near the past, only the future.

Sometimes it make it easier for Simon to breathe.]

[Simon's POV]

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Drops of Jupiter - Train

[She sits on his bed, knees to her chin, feet bare and toes digging into the sheets. She watches Simon get changed, the way he makes sure his clothes are straight and laid out neatly. He doesn't care anymore. He watches her get dressed, too.

She stretches legs out, grabs her toes and leans against the wall until he tells her it's her turn. He'll take her by the hand, pull her dress over her head. Nightgown on, pull her hair out from the back of her dress. Sometimes he'll kiss her and her lips will tingle until she falls asleep.]

[River's POV]

Three years before me you came out and cried
Boy not a girl where'd you get all that pride
You are so very thin and I've always wanted to fit into your pants
Photogenic at first glance but got something missing for romance
We share a mother we do and a daddy too

Laurel & Hardy - Martha Wainwright

[Simon tries to have her sleep in her own bed. She'll stay there the whole night sometimes, but some mornings, she'll get up before anyone else and slip between his sheets. Most times Simon doesn't wake, but when he does, River will be looking at him. Her feet are always cold. He'll tell her that, every time, but River will press up against him, face to the crook of his neck, arms around him and Simon will forget it's his sister.]

[Simon's POV]

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
I'll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came

Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine

[It works. River always knew it would. Never had a doubt, because why should she? She knew him for fourteen years, and now an extra two. Knows him better than anyone else. He could never say no to her, but that was okay, she never crossed the line. She's not crossing the line now, either, because he loves her as much as she loves him. Brother and sister, same flesh.

She turns up at his door. It's quiet. He likes the quiet, he can hide in it, live in it. River has always been there.

Blue eyes. She likes blue.

She steps into his room. Barefoot. She can see him swallow as she lifts up her dress and he opens his mouth. Only one thing comes out.

'River.'

He kisses her and River touches the stars.]

[River's POV]

No one's picking up the phone
Guess it's clear hes gone
And this little masochist
Is lifting up her dress
Guess I thought I could never feel
The things I feel
Hey Jupiter
Nothings been the same
So are you gay
Are you blue
Thought we both could use a friend
To run to

Hey Jupiter - Tori Amos

Download the full zip + covers ~~here~~

here reuploaded 13-11-07.

Heroes ; Ted Sprague ; Ted E. Bher - a Fanmix

2007-08-31T10:17:47Z

[Karen's thoughts run through Matt's head- calm down teddy bear is quickly followed by teddy im okay and teddy bear i love you. The words spill quickly out of Matt's mouth to the man starting to glow. Ted... Sprague. Ted Sprague, he looks at Matt as though he's teetering between killing the nurse and letting go.

His hands slip from the nurse just as Karen slips from them.]

He said:
'Mummy, don't worry, now Teddy Boy's here
Taking good care of you
Mummy, don't worry, your Teddy Boy's here
Teddy's gonna see you through'
And she said:
'Teddy, don't worry, now mummy's here
Taking good care of you
Teddy, don't worry, now your mummy is here
Mummy's gonna see you through'

Teddy Boy - The Beatles

[So maybe it's a bit Reservoir Dogs-ish, but the three of them- him, Ted and the man who wants them to call him nothing but 'Bennet', they make quite a team. Matt only hopes none of them are playing Mr. Orange.]

Lookin' for some happiness
But there is only loneliness to find
Jump to the left, turn to the right
Lookin' upstairs, lookin' behind

Little Green Bag - The George Baker Selection

[Bennet says they shouldn't stay in one place any longer than twelve hours. That's just enough time to have a meal, a shower and sleep. They stop at one place in Henrietta, a cheap little hotel called 'Hotel Henrietta'.

'What is this, the Eagles?' Ted mutters as he pushes their door open with his shoulder. Bennet was off scouting for a fast-food joint so they could eat in their rooms.

The woman behind the counter had barely battered an eyelid as they booked one double room and a single (they took turns sharing a room- Matt was bunking with Bennet at the next stop).

Matt shrugged at Ted's comment but couldn't get Hotel California out of his head for the rest of the night- no thanks to it running loudly through Ted's mind.]

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
The stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast

Hotel California - The Eagles

['A day, maybe two,' Bennet says as they sit in a diner. They've just passed Oklahoma, but although they want to get there as soon as possible, Bennet demands avoiding all major routes.

'I think there's a maggot in this,' Ted growls, having ignored the conversation completely.

Bennet doesn't say anything to him, but Matt says, 'eat around it.'

Ted stares at him and even though he doesn't crack a smile, he squints at him in a way that suggests that he'd laugh if he remembered how.]

I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks

Love Stinks - J. Geils Band

[Washington DC is a bright and busy place and for a small-time cop, Matt feels himself cowering slightly at the massive buildings, loud cars and the noise in his brain. Hundreds of thoughts rushing through, each one louder than the last. He's managed to handle a busy mall but Washington is no match, and he wonders how he's going to handle New York.

'Bennet,' he gasps, and reaches out. Instead of grabbing Bennet, though, his hand clasps around Ted's wrist. Ted spins around, and maybe it's Matt's own fever spiking but Ted's skin is hot under his palm.

'What,' Ted says, jerking his hand back.

'I... water. Rest.'

Bennet turns around. 'What's wrong?'

'Rest. Why are we here?'

'We need a new car. Virginia plates in New York. Can you make it?'

Matt groans. His mouth is dry, is head is pounding, and that woman approaching them is blabbering on her phone, and as she passes, Matt's world starts to grow black.

Before he can pass out though, he catches Ted's eyes. They're dark, pupils blown, but the quiet of his mind fills Matt. Only one thought is in his mind, in Ted's voice-

i am so not dragging you

'Matt?' comes Bennet's voice.

'I'm okay,' he rasps out, eyes still latched onto Ted's, 'I'm okay.']

Us, and them
And after all were only ordinary men.
Me, and you
God only knows its noz what we would choose to do
Forward he cried from the rear
And the front rank died.
And the general sat and the lines on the map
Moved from side to side.
Black and blue
And who knows which is which and who is who

Us and Them - Pink Floyd

[Leaving Washington DC is bliss. The small diner, where there's only two other customers, is like heaven on Matt's mind. Bennet is outside making a phonecall. Matt wonders if he's calling his daughter.

'You're married, yeah?'

Matt turns to Ted. He hardly talks about Karen- hardly even thinks about her. Actually, he doesn't think much. Maybe he's figured out a way to block his thoughts.

Being around Ted eases Matt. Sure, he could be giving him cancer, but the peaceful silence when he's not emotional...

'Yeah. We're having a baby.'

Ted blinks slowly at him and takes a drink from his stale coffee.

'Good. Great.'

Ted must have a way of blocking his mind off because only one thought fills Matt's mind-

congratulations, you fat bastard

Matt laughs.]

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You - Colin Hay

['Go to sleep, Ted!'

'I am sleeping.'

Matt rolls over. The single bed is oddly small and the sheets don't fit right. On the other side of the room, Bennet's form turns. Ted's sleeping in a cot between them.

'Your eyes are open,' Matt says.

'I sleep with my eyes open.'

'You never have before,' comes Bennet's mumbled voice.

'Oh, fuck you both,' Ted growls, getting up at heading into the bathroom.

There's silence. Not even the light flickers on behind the closed bathroom door.

After a few minutes, Matt says into the silence, 'Now you've done it, Bennet. Now who's going to provide the lively banter?'

Bennet laughs. Ted thumps the door with his fist. Matt smiles into his pillow.]

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you

Mr Tambourine Man - The Byrds

[There's a throbbing beat in the McDonald's the stop at. They're almost at New York, now. Bennet spends more and more time on payphones with a map and pencil.

'He's looking for his daughter,' Ted says, tapping his spoon on his coffee cup in time with the beat.

'I figured as much.'

'We should kidnap her,' Ted states suddenly, deadpan. 'Hold her for ransom.'

Matt stares. Ted's mind is silent. 'Why?'

Ted waves up a fry. 'We might get a decent meal out of it.'

Then it clicks- Ted's version of a joke. Matt laughs loudly, causing the couple next to them startle. Sure, it's a very weak, bad joke, but it's a change.]

I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good

You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse

[One more stop, Bennet had said, and then we'll be in New York. Ted and Matt breathe a sigh of relief.

It's close to one AM. Bennet's by himself tonight. Ted had been tossing and turning all night, but at midnight he'd annouced to Matt he was going for a walk. Matt had grunted okay and fell asleep soon after the room door closed. But an hour later he'd shot awake with an urge to pee.

Crawling out of bed, he stumbled to the bathroom. Opening the door, a yelp caused him to jump back, hand to his thigh, searching for a non-existent gun.

'God, can you watch where you're going?'

'Ted, why are you sleeping in the bathroom?'

Ted doesn't reply. Matt sighs and retreats back to bed.]

That'll bring you happiness, happiness
Is hard to come by, I confess
I'm bad at this thing happiness
If you find it share it with the rest of us
Rest of us

Happiness - Grant Lee Buffalo

[Whatever block Ted's put on his mind disappears the next morning. He must be tired- he'd stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

From the moment Matt woke up 6:12 (begrudgingly) to now, at 10:17, Ted's mind just hadn't shut up. There were dark circles under his eyes, his hair seemed to be more wild and his clothes were wrinkled. He didn't even give his usual grunt of a good morning.

Ted leans against the car door, head rested in his palm, sighing softly to himself every three minutes. Bennet keeps changing the radio station.

jesus fucking christ just keep the radio on one thing or i swear im going to blow this fucking car up and youll all be dead oh god i need to piss was that a dead rabbit i hate this fucking music i should have sent the house up in flames when i had the chance i think i slept wrong i was sleeping on tiles that could do it i wonder if you can explode someones head just by thinking about it i bet someone can i wonder if matt can god that man is so lucky

Bennet changes the channel again. Ted sighs. Before Bennet can change it again, Matt speaks up.

'Just leave it on this one, okay?'

'Yeah,' Ted agrees.

Bennet looks at them from the driver's seat, but makes no move to go against them.

Patsy Cline. Crazy.

Ted sighs.

For the first time in the entire trip, Ted's mind is silent.]

I knew
You'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday
You'd leave me for somebody new
Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wondrin'
What in the world did I do?

Crazy - Patsy Cline

[Matt keeps close to Ted as they enter New York. He doesn't want another incident like what happened in Washington. Bennet trails behind them, apparently knowing where to go as he keeps calling out directions.

'It was our song,' Ted mutters.

'What was?' Matt asks.

Ted looks at him sideways. 'You know,' he says with a shrug of his shoulder.

Patsy. Karen.

'Oh.'

Ted shrugs his shoulder again. Even when Matt turns away, he can feel Ted's eyes on him.

Matt's thoughts are broken by a high-pitched 'Dad!']

He had no friends, he seldom spoke
And no one in turn ever spoke to him,
'Cause he wasnt friendly and he didn't care
And he wasn't like them.
Oh, no! He was a most peculiar man

A Most Peculiar Man - Simon and Garfunkel

['After this is all over,' Ted says, waving his hand around, 'I'd like to meet your wife.'

'Janice.'

'Yeah, that one.'

'As long as you don't hurt the baby, that should be okay.'

Ted nods, his eyes doing that squinting thing that's as close as Matt gets to a smile.

Ted turns, but before he can walk off, following Peter and Claire, Matt grabs his wrist. Ted's skin is as hot as before.

'Wait,' Matt says, digging into his pocket and pulling out a tape. 'This is for you.'

Ted takes it and eyes it cautiously.

'It's some music. For your trip.'

'Uh-huh. Ted E. Bher. Funny.'

Matt nods and takes a step back, breathing in deep. 'You stay safe.'

'Yeah. You, too.'

The corner of Ted's mouth lifts up for the briefest of seconds, but the smile was there. As Matt walks off to follow Bennet, he wonders when he'd be have the pleasant silence of Ted's mind again.]

Baby let me be,
Your lovin' teddy bear
Put a chain around my neck,
And lead me anywhere
Oh let me be
Your teddy bear

(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear - Elvis Presley

Download the full zip + covers here

GIP

2007-08-22T10:13:43Z

ICONS

Harry Potter

[001 - 005] - Luna Lovegood
[106] - Harry Potter/Luna Lovegood

Heroes

[007 - 011] - Claire Bennett
[012] - Hiro Nakamura
[013 - 014] - Mohinder Suresh/Sylar
[015] - Peter Petrelli/Nathan Petrelli
[016] - Niki Sanders
[017 - 022] - Claire Bennett/Peter Petrelli
[023] - Mohinder Suresh/Peter Petrelli/Sylar
[024 - 026] - Sylar

Real People

[027 - 031] - Adrian Pasdar/Hayden Panettiere
[032 - 040] - Ali Larter
[041 - 055] - Christina Aguilera (Candyman video)
[056 - 065] - Gemma Ward
[066 - 071] Hayden Panettiere

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