Ranty McRant
Because I am a server and I am apparently in a bit of a snarky mood tonight, I bring you: The Restauraunt Etiquette Rant.
Note: This is probably peculiar only to America, and possibly, only to the Midwest. (Among other things, I think in some other countries, gratuity is automatically added on, is it not?) But politeness should be the norm everywhere.
-When you come into a restaurant, tell the host or hostess if you have any preferences or peculiarities that need attending to before they lead you to a seat. Servers are assigned to different sections of a restaurant, with a particular set of tables that are theirs to attend to, and we follow a pattern to make sure everyone gets sat equally. When you decide you'd rather move, or that you don't want a table and you'd rather have that booth across the way, because it's empty and clean, you have just fucked us up. You've probably just forced a server to attend to two new separate tables at once, and maybe they already have a big party of ten, only now you and them now need greeting and drinks and yada yada yada, and your service won't be as good because we had to rush around to accomodate your little change of plans. Let the host or hostess help you out, please.
-Don't, for the love of God, ask me if something "is good." What do you think I'm going to tell you? "No, actually, our steak tastes like refried leather and you'll break your teeth just trying to chew it." Even if that were the case, would any server worth their salt actually tell you that? No. They would not. Ask me for my recommendations, ask me if you are having problems deciding between a couple of choices, ask me about the restaurant's specialties. Those are all questions I am able to answer, and will answer happily.
-Most restaurants don't really mind special requests. We all have our oddities about the food we eat, and most of the time, it's not a big deal. However, please be accomodating and polite when you ask for a funky menu change, and understand if we have to run to grab a manager to make sure it's OK before we tell you we can do it. We don't want to tell you something is OK, only to be wrong and have to come ask you to change your order. Conversely, don't take it so damn PERSONALLY if I can't accomodate your order, because it's really not my fault. I'm not foiling your dinner plans just to spite you, I promise.
-If there's some kind of special item you need (condiments, sauce on the side, an extra order of bread, I don't care, whatever) tell me as SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE about it so that I can plan to bring it out to you on time, without any extra trips. You'll get it sooner, and you'll save me having to run around like a madwoman trying to get that little thing. I probably have at least three or four other tables that I need to take care of, too, and extra trips for, say, that bottle of A-1 are a huge waste of my time and just serve to make me cuss a blue streak as I go running past the salad prep boy.
-Again, if you need something, and I'm talking to the people at the table next to yours, do NOT tug on my apron or interrupt me or otherwise try to get my attention while I am in the middle of taking their order/serving their food/checking to make sure they don't need anything else. I will come check on you in just a moment, because you're right there, and also? It's fucking rude.
-Caveat to the above: Do not EVER snap your fingers at a server and point at something on the table, or something you want me to get. It will make me want to beat you to death with my drink tray and/or spit in your soda. I am a human being in a shitty job, not a robot or your personal slave. If you have a request, verbalize it, politely.
-Don't take it upon yourself to venture back into the kitchen/server area to find me, if you need something. That's not kosher and it will agitate everyone, most especially me, because it's MY doofus customer who couldn't ask another server to come find me for them.
-If something is wrong with your meal, do not hesitate to tell me, and I will do my best to fix it. What's more, I really won't mind - it is, after all, my job to make sure you have a good experience at my restaurant, and also, I like making people happy. HOWEVER. I did not make the food, so don't act like I pissed in it or deliberately cooked it wrong, because I had nothing to do with making it beyond putting in the order and serving it to you as soon as it was ready. Furthermore, I cannot fix your problem if you don't tell me what it is - I am not psychic. And it will royally piss me off if you decide to eat your entire dinner and then tell me that you didn't like the way it tasted. It's fucking lame to not give me a chance to fix your problem and then turn around and bitch about it.
-Do not make lewd comments at me. Because unfortunately, until you say or do something truly blatant - like put your hand on my ass, or make an outright sexual innuendo - I will probably just grit my teeth and let it slide, because I'm working, and I'm trying to make some money, and my night (which is already bad because of you being a perv) would only get worse if I gave you reason, imagined or not, to complain to my manager about me. But I promise I will hate you with the passion of a thousand burning suns for being such an asshole.
-If you're in a hurry, tell me when you sit down. That way I can bring your check out to you as the same time at your meal, and bring you to-go boxes while you are still eating, instead of possibly running a little slow because the dinner boom has hit and I have, you know, a few other tables to attend to.
-At every single restaurant I have worked out, gratuity is usually added on tables of 6 (sometimes 7) or more. Gratuity is 15% of the total tab. If you don't see "Gratuity: $___" anywhere on the bill, you are not being charged for it and you need to do the tip yourself. And servers are always very grateful if you add more on to what's already included in the gratuity. If you're not sure about your tab, ask us, we'll illuminate you or fix it for you.
-I was raised to tip 20% of the tab for "adequate" service, 25% for excellent service, and 15% if the service was lousy. The minimum you should tip your server, who is working very very hard for their money, I promise you, and needs it, because if we had a better job than this you'd better believe we'd be at it, is 15% of the bill. Anything less for no good reason and you will be labeled as a cheap asshole, and rightly so. Translation: $3 tip on a $38 bill is not a good tip, you stupid bastard.
Aaaaaaaaaaand I'm done. WHOO!
Note: This is probably peculiar only to America, and possibly, only to the Midwest. (Among other things, I think in some other countries, gratuity is automatically added on, is it not?) But politeness should be the norm everywhere.
-When you come into a restaurant, tell the host or hostess if you have any preferences or peculiarities that need attending to before they lead you to a seat. Servers are assigned to different sections of a restaurant, with a particular set of tables that are theirs to attend to, and we follow a pattern to make sure everyone gets sat equally. When you decide you'd rather move, or that you don't want a table and you'd rather have that booth across the way, because it's empty and clean, you have just fucked us up. You've probably just forced a server to attend to two new separate tables at once, and maybe they already have a big party of ten, only now you and them now need greeting and drinks and yada yada yada, and your service won't be as good because we had to rush around to accomodate your little change of plans. Let the host or hostess help you out, please.
-Don't, for the love of God, ask me if something "is good." What do you think I'm going to tell you? "No, actually, our steak tastes like refried leather and you'll break your teeth just trying to chew it." Even if that were the case, would any server worth their salt actually tell you that? No. They would not. Ask me for my recommendations, ask me if you are having problems deciding between a couple of choices, ask me about the restaurant's specialties. Those are all questions I am able to answer, and will answer happily.
-Most restaurants don't really mind special requests. We all have our oddities about the food we eat, and most of the time, it's not a big deal. However, please be accomodating and polite when you ask for a funky menu change, and understand if we have to run to grab a manager to make sure it's OK before we tell you we can do it. We don't want to tell you something is OK, only to be wrong and have to come ask you to change your order. Conversely, don't take it so damn PERSONALLY if I can't accomodate your order, because it's really not my fault. I'm not foiling your dinner plans just to spite you, I promise.
-If there's some kind of special item you need (condiments, sauce on the side, an extra order of bread, I don't care, whatever) tell me as SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE about it so that I can plan to bring it out to you on time, without any extra trips. You'll get it sooner, and you'll save me having to run around like a madwoman trying to get that little thing. I probably have at least three or four other tables that I need to take care of, too, and extra trips for, say, that bottle of A-1 are a huge waste of my time and just serve to make me cuss a blue streak as I go running past the salad prep boy.
-Again, if you need something, and I'm talking to the people at the table next to yours, do NOT tug on my apron or interrupt me or otherwise try to get my attention while I am in the middle of taking their order/serving their food/checking to make sure they don't need anything else. I will come check on you in just a moment, because you're right there, and also? It's fucking rude.
-Caveat to the above: Do not EVER snap your fingers at a server and point at something on the table, or something you want me to get. It will make me want to beat you to death with my drink tray and/or spit in your soda. I am a human being in a shitty job, not a robot or your personal slave. If you have a request, verbalize it, politely.
-Don't take it upon yourself to venture back into the kitchen/server area to find me, if you need something. That's not kosher and it will agitate everyone, most especially me, because it's MY doofus customer who couldn't ask another server to come find me for them.
-If something is wrong with your meal, do not hesitate to tell me, and I will do my best to fix it. What's more, I really won't mind - it is, after all, my job to make sure you have a good experience at my restaurant, and also, I like making people happy. HOWEVER. I did not make the food, so don't act like I pissed in it or deliberately cooked it wrong, because I had nothing to do with making it beyond putting in the order and serving it to you as soon as it was ready. Furthermore, I cannot fix your problem if you don't tell me what it is - I am not psychic. And it will royally piss me off if you decide to eat your entire dinner and then tell me that you didn't like the way it tasted. It's fucking lame to not give me a chance to fix your problem and then turn around and bitch about it.
-Do not make lewd comments at me. Because unfortunately, until you say or do something truly blatant - like put your hand on my ass, or make an outright sexual innuendo - I will probably just grit my teeth and let it slide, because I'm working, and I'm trying to make some money, and my night (which is already bad because of you being a perv) would only get worse if I gave you reason, imagined or not, to complain to my manager about me. But I promise I will hate you with the passion of a thousand burning suns for being such an asshole.
-If you're in a hurry, tell me when you sit down. That way I can bring your check out to you as the same time at your meal, and bring you to-go boxes while you are still eating, instead of possibly running a little slow because the dinner boom has hit and I have, you know, a few other tables to attend to.
-At every single restaurant I have worked out, gratuity is usually added on tables of 6 (sometimes 7) or more. Gratuity is 15% of the total tab. If you don't see "Gratuity: $___" anywhere on the bill, you are not being charged for it and you need to do the tip yourself. And servers are always very grateful if you add more on to what's already included in the gratuity. If you're not sure about your tab, ask us, we'll illuminate you or fix it for you.
-I was raised to tip 20% of the tab for "adequate" service, 25% for excellent service, and 15% if the service was lousy. The minimum you should tip your server, who is working very very hard for their money, I promise you, and needs it, because if we had a better job than this you'd better believe we'd be at it, is 15% of the bill. Anything less for no good reason and you will be labeled as a cheap asshole, and rightly so. Translation: $3 tip on a $38 bill is not a good tip, you stupid bastard.
Aaaaaaaaaaand I'm done. WHOO!