Freak: Fat and Asian American
Heh, my family subscribes to a magazine called Filipinas, which, if you can't tell by the title, is by and for Filipinos. In it, there's an article by a freelance writer about what it's like being "larger" than most other Asian females. I laughed my ass off at the article cuz it reminded me so much of my own life. I thought I'd include it here, just cuz I enjoyed it so much:
When asked why Asian girls were such "hot commodities" in New York's dating scene, a male friend blutered, "It's because they've got tight p_____'s!"
Apparently, since Asian girls are expected to be dainty, any size rises to porn star-like proportions.
The allure of the Asian american (AA) woman in mainstream america rests, in part, on her physical statue, on being "small". What does this mean then to a chunkier sister, like me? Am I less a woman because my size does not conform to the idealized femininity imposed on my race?
In a country where more than 60 percent of the population is overweight or obese and a woman's average size is a 12, AA women are an exception. According to the National Institutes of Health, although obesity is highest in minority women, AA women have the lowest rates, from only 26 percent of Filipino Americans to 13 percent of Chinese Americans.
Thus, I, as a big woman, am a "freakish" Asiah, but also a "normal" American.
Asian women in mainstream America only come in two types: 1)The gentle "lotus flower/geisha/China doll" who wholly lives to serve her (often white) man and 2)the devious "dragon lady" a la Lucy Liu. Neither portrayal is ever fat.
Meanwhile, both types of Asian women are famous--or infamous--for their sexuality. As the virginal "lotus flower" or the seductive "dragon lady", Asian women are identified with sex (Google "Asian woman" and count the porn sites). Fat Asian chicks, however, are not given sex appeal.
As a chubby Asian kid, I was cute, but being a chubby Asian woman is a liability. Instead of lectures about staying away from boys because they distract from schoolwork, you get dire warnings that boys will not find you attractive. How will you ever get a doctor/lawyer/engineer husband if you don't lose weight? [Mia Note: Hm...sound familiar? Crazy grandma!]
Unfortunately, AA women are especially under tremendous societal pressure to conform to "perfection", a symptom of the "model minority". Be smart, but not aggressive. Work hard, but not play hard (because a woman's needs always come last--behind those of her man, kids, parents, grandparents and job). And watch your weight because fat is acceptable in Asian women in only three instances: 1)You have given birth to a horde of children; 2)you are over 50 and have given birth to a horde of children; 3)you are a candidate for Thailand's Miss Jumbo beauty pageant, where the winner "best exhibits the characteristics of an elephant, by virtue of her grace, elegance and size".
Is it any wonder then that women like myself, despite their accomplishments, still feel insecure, inadequate, and imperfect? Like a freak? Especially in the eyes of our own men?
So far, I learned that being attracted to AA men and white men is a useless endeavor. Both are brought up in cultures where thinness equals beauty--where 10 pounds overweight is a forgivable sin, but 20 pounds is a disaster bigger than the Titanic.
A Filipino American brother once mentioned he didn't find thicker AA sisters attractive. After pointing out that I wasn't thin, he said, "You're different. You're nice."
Nice?! "Nice" is never a word a woman wants to hear. "Nice" is a lazy word used by lazy people who can't think of anything "nice" to say about you.
I still have not proven wrong that my bounty of thighs, ass, and chest is only appreciated by other brothers, specifically black and Hispanic men, who are the last bastions of hope for thick women, thank you.
Many disagree with my assumption that all AA and white men jsut prefer skinny women, claiming it is my own stereotype. But that's been my reality so far. Hell, I want to be proven wrong. Until then, I have no hard feelings...acculturation is a bitch.
I wish I could end with wisdom akin to Oprah's, but I can't. Yes, I know wholly embrace that I am a big girl, celebrating my curves and not hiding it. I believe that being a woman is not defined by your size, but what you stand for and believe in. And I reject that my weight should be a factor in my ethnic identity formation.
As eating disorders rise about AA women due to their rapid asimilation into mainstream (white) society, it is even more important to get the message out: A woman must learn to fill the room with her presence and own the space she fills, whether she's a size 2 or 22.
There are still days when I feel like a freak--insecure, inadequate, and imperfect--but in such a weight-obsessed culture such as ours, maybe that is, well...normal.
When asked why Asian girls were such "hot commodities" in New York's dating scene, a male friend blutered, "It's because they've got tight p_____'s!"
Apparently, since Asian girls are expected to be dainty, any size rises to porn star-like proportions.
The allure of the Asian american (AA) woman in mainstream america rests, in part, on her physical statue, on being "small". What does this mean then to a chunkier sister, like me? Am I less a woman because my size does not conform to the idealized femininity imposed on my race?
In a country where more than 60 percent of the population is overweight or obese and a woman's average size is a 12, AA women are an exception. According to the National Institutes of Health, although obesity is highest in minority women, AA women have the lowest rates, from only 26 percent of Filipino Americans to 13 percent of Chinese Americans.
Thus, I, as a big woman, am a "freakish" Asiah, but also a "normal" American.
Asian women in mainstream America only come in two types: 1)The gentle "lotus flower/geisha/China doll" who wholly lives to serve her (often white) man and 2)the devious "dragon lady" a la Lucy Liu. Neither portrayal is ever fat.
Meanwhile, both types of Asian women are famous--or infamous--for their sexuality. As the virginal "lotus flower" or the seductive "dragon lady", Asian women are identified with sex (Google "Asian woman" and count the porn sites). Fat Asian chicks, however, are not given sex appeal.
As a chubby Asian kid, I was cute, but being a chubby Asian woman is a liability. Instead of lectures about staying away from boys because they distract from schoolwork, you get dire warnings that boys will not find you attractive. How will you ever get a doctor/lawyer/engineer husband if you don't lose weight? [Mia Note: Hm...sound familiar? Crazy grandma!]
Unfortunately, AA women are especially under tremendous societal pressure to conform to "perfection", a symptom of the "model minority". Be smart, but not aggressive. Work hard, but not play hard (because a woman's needs always come last--behind those of her man, kids, parents, grandparents and job). And watch your weight because fat is acceptable in Asian women in only three instances: 1)You have given birth to a horde of children; 2)you are over 50 and have given birth to a horde of children; 3)you are a candidate for Thailand's Miss Jumbo beauty pageant, where the winner "best exhibits the characteristics of an elephant, by virtue of her grace, elegance and size".
Is it any wonder then that women like myself, despite their accomplishments, still feel insecure, inadequate, and imperfect? Like a freak? Especially in the eyes of our own men?
So far, I learned that being attracted to AA men and white men is a useless endeavor. Both are brought up in cultures where thinness equals beauty--where 10 pounds overweight is a forgivable sin, but 20 pounds is a disaster bigger than the Titanic.
A Filipino American brother once mentioned he didn't find thicker AA sisters attractive. After pointing out that I wasn't thin, he said, "You're different. You're nice."
Nice?! "Nice" is never a word a woman wants to hear. "Nice" is a lazy word used by lazy people who can't think of anything "nice" to say about you.
I still have not proven wrong that my bounty of thighs, ass, and chest is only appreciated by other brothers, specifically black and Hispanic men, who are the last bastions of hope for thick women, thank you.
Many disagree with my assumption that all AA and white men jsut prefer skinny women, claiming it is my own stereotype. But that's been my reality so far. Hell, I want to be proven wrong. Until then, I have no hard feelings...acculturation is a bitch.
I wish I could end with wisdom akin to Oprah's, but I can't. Yes, I know wholly embrace that I am a big girl, celebrating my curves and not hiding it. I believe that being a woman is not defined by your size, but what you stand for and believe in. And I reject that my weight should be a factor in my ethnic identity formation.
As eating disorders rise about AA women due to their rapid asimilation into mainstream (white) society, it is even more important to get the message out: A woman must learn to fill the room with her presence and own the space she fills, whether she's a size 2 or 22.
There are still days when I feel like a freak--insecure, inadequate, and imperfect--but in such a weight-obsessed culture such as ours, maybe that is, well...normal.