Relationship Unconscious https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com The "Relationship Unconscious" podcast site focuses on how the mind’s unconscious influences the way we think, feel, and behave in our relationships. Featuring the work of licensed psychologist and psychotherapist James Tobin, Ph.D., the site offers (1) audio presentations on the psychology of relationship dynamics among couples, between parents and children, and in the workplace; (2) webinar events; and (3) recordings of interactive group seminars. Mon, 13 May 2019 13:04:10 -0700 https://podbean.com/?v=5.5 en us Copyright 2026 All Rights Reserved 1440 episodic The "Relationship Unconscious" podcast site focuses on how the mind’s unconscious influences the way we think, feel, and behave in our relationships. Featuring the work of licensed psychologist and psychotherapist James Tobin, Ph.D., the site offers (1) audio presentations on the psychology of relationship dynamics among couples, between parents and children, and in the workplace; (2) webinar events; and (3) recordings of interactive group seminars. James Tobin Ph.D. James Tobin Ph.D. No false https://pbcdn1.podbean.com/imglogo/image-logo/3265393/Podcast-Artwork-72dpi-v5.jpg Relationship Unconscious https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com 144 144 21 - The Four Things You Need to Know About Your Narcissistic Boss 21 - The Four Things You Need to Know About Your Narcissistic Boss https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/21-the-four-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-narcissistic-boss/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/21-the-four-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-narcissistic-boss/#comments Mon, 13 May 2019 13:04:10 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/21-the-four-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-narcissistic-boss-ec4ba046b1028158df05fe19abf60a68 Whether I am serving in the role of executive coach or psychotherapist, most of my clients inevitably discuss problems they are having with a narcissistic manager. Elsewhere I have described the increasing prevalence of narcissism, a trend that ironically seems to be reinforced by cultural dynamics that emphasize the self or individual instead of, and often at the expense of, the other or the group. But in this particular podcast episode, I am going to focus on addressing narcissistic problems in the workplace, specifically when the employee is saddled with the challenge of a narcissistic boss and the disconcerting and highly manipulative drama he or she will create for the employee. If you are currently in the workplace, especially if you are employed in a relatively intense or high-profile industry at a prestigious firm, your chances of encountering a narcissistic boss are, unfortunately, quite high. Here are four things you should keep in mind about your narcissistic boss.

]]> Whether I am serving in the role of executive coach or psychotherapist, most of my clients inevitably discuss problems they are having with a narcissistic manager. Elsewhere I have described the increasing prevalence of narcissism, a trend that ironically seems to be reinforced by cultural dynamics that emphasize the self or individual instead of, and often at the expense of, the other or the group. But in this particular podcast episode, I am going to focus on addressing narcissistic problems in the workplace, specifically when the employee is saddled with the challenge of a narcissistic boss and the disconcerting and highly manipulative drama he or she will create for the employee. If you are currently in the workplace, especially if you are employed in a relatively intense or high-profile industry at a prestigious firm, your chances of encountering a narcissistic boss are, unfortunately, quite high. Here are four things you should keep in mind about your narcissistic boss.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 940 139 full 20 - The Disorder of Accumulated Stress: Anxiety 20 - The Disorder of Accumulated Stress: Anxiety https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/20-the-disorder-of-accumulated-stress-anxiety/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/20-the-disorder-of-accumulated-stress-anxiety/#comments Mon, 13 May 2019 04:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/20-the-disorder-of-accumulated-stress-anxiety-a0d15000117cd89e4d6a8f1090f9770e The 11 psychiatric diagnoses that make up the Anxiety Disorders category of the current psychiatric nomenclature center on the manifestation of worry, concern about future threats, ruminations about performance and social acceptance, and avoidance behaviors; paradoxically, as these concerns are emotionally and cognitively experienced and acted on, the level of anxiety rises rather than falls. Anxiety symptoms often begin suddenly within the context of a specific event or challenging situation, yet may persist and manifest in an emerging chronic condition. Anxiety often co-occurs with depression and is linked to a variety of other conditions including substance abuse, interpersonal difficulties, and reduced performance in academic and professional settings.

]]> The 11 psychiatric diagnoses that make up the Anxiety Disorders category of the current psychiatric nomenclature center on the manifestation of worry, concern about future threats, ruminations about performance and social acceptance, and avoidance behaviors; paradoxically, as these concerns are emotionally and cognitively experienced and acted on, the level of anxiety rises rather than falls. Anxiety symptoms often begin suddenly within the context of a specific event or challenging situation, yet may persist and manifest in an emerging chronic condition. Anxiety often co-occurs with depression and is linked to a variety of other conditions including substance abuse, interpersonal difficulties, and reduced performance in academic and professional settings.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 725 138 full 19 - A Self and a Name: Brief Reflection in the Wake of the College Admissions Scandal 19 - A Self and a Name: Brief Reflection in the Wake of the College Admissions Scandal https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/19-a-self-and-a-name-brief-reflection-in-the-wake-of-the-college-admissions-scandal/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/19-a-self-and-a-name-brief-reflection-in-the-wake-of-the-college-admissions-scandal/#comments Wed, 24 Apr 2019 04:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/19-a-self-and-a-name-brief-reflection-in-the-wake-of-the-college-admissions-scandal-07e49d6d26a6ee8a45aaf3ce73d783f7 Despite the notoriety of the 2016 publication of Angela Duckworth's Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, it appears that a significant contingent of contemporary adolescents is trending toward attitudes and behaviors directly opposing the value of effort and, by extension, its apparent psychological, social and emotional benefits. We would probably agree that learning from failure and disappointment is a good thing at any age, but humility comes at a cost that some youths seem reluctant to pay.

]]> Despite the notoriety of the 2016 publication of Angela Duckworth's Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, it appears that a significant contingent of contemporary adolescents is trending toward attitudes and behaviors directly opposing the value of effort and, by extension, its apparent psychological, social and emotional benefits. We would probably agree that learning from failure and disappointment is a good thing at any age, but humility comes at a cost that some youths seem reluctant to pay.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 498 129 full 18 - Are You Typecast? Polarization in Couples 18 - Are You Typecast? Polarization in Couples https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/18-are-you-typecast-polarization-in-couples/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/18-are-you-typecast-polarization-in-couples/#comments Wed, 17 Apr 2019 04:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/18-are-you-typecast-polarization-in-couples-769817e40b43c702de221f996b5e409d Polarization is a common dynamic among couples that is unconsciously motivated and very hard to detect. When polarization occurs in relationships, it often yields conflict, distress, and impasse, with many couples who are polarized ultimately breaking up. But if the polarization had been addressed earlier and successfully reduced, there may have been an opportunity for the relationship to flourish.

]]> Polarization is a common dynamic among couples that is unconsciously motivated and very hard to detect. When polarization occurs in relationships, it often yields conflict, distress, and impasse, with many couples who are polarized ultimately breaking up. But if the polarization had been addressed earlier and successfully reduced, there may have been an opportunity for the relationship to flourish.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 704 128 full 17 - What Nietzsche Teaches Us About Good Parenting 17 - What Nietzsche Teaches Us About Good Parenting https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/17-what-nietzsche-teaches-us-about-good-parenting/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/17-what-nietzsche-teaches-us-about-good-parenting/#comments Wed, 20 Mar 2019 05:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/17-what-nietzsche-teaches-us-about-good-parenting-7194288aa68419115c939a2d0a1184c4 Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a German philosopher, artist, and Latin and Greek scholar who is perhaps best known for his study of tragedy in ancient Greek mythology. Nietzsche conceptualized an important element of tragedy, the artistic depiction of human suffering. According to Nietzsche, theatre reified in spectators an appreciation of the human condition, the powerful forces that lead us astray, the dilemmas that have no solution, and the deterministic quality of flawed individual traits. Extending from these ideas, Nietzsche's concept of "eternal recurrence" denoted a sense of contentment with one's life and an acceptance of it. The notion of eternal recurrence has been linked to the Latin phrase "amor fati" which, loosely translated, means "love of fate" or "love of one's fate." It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or as meant to be, based on the origin of one's being and the many factors impacting this being.

]]> Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a German philosopher, artist, and Latin and Greek scholar who is perhaps best known for his study of tragedy in ancient Greek mythology. Nietzsche conceptualized an important element of tragedy, the artistic depiction of human suffering. According to Nietzsche, theatre reified in spectators an appreciation of the human condition, the powerful forces that lead us astray, the dilemmas that have no solution, and the deterministic quality of flawed individual traits. Extending from these ideas, Nietzsche's concept of "eternal recurrence" denoted a sense of contentment with one's life and an acceptance of it. The notion of eternal recurrence has been linked to the Latin phrase "amor fati" which, loosely translated, means "love of fate" or "love of one's fate." It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or as meant to be, based on the origin of one's being and the many factors impacting this being.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 587 123 full 16 - Psychological "Cloning" 16 - Psychological "Cloning" https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/16-psychological-cloning/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/16-psychological-cloning/#comments Wed, 13 Mar 2019 05:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/16-psychological-cloning-ac1498f1f7b4d732c8248df68deefc3a As parents, most if not all of us probably hope that our own children will absorb the very best of us, our positive personality tendencies, our industrious habits, and our moral standards and values, and disregard the rest. The last thing we want to believe is that our worst characteristics -- a bad temper, for example, or persistent bouts of depression, or a predilection for failed relationships, will somehow be passed on to our children, troubling their existence now and into the future. But in my clinical work, it is not unusual to hear a parent describe with great concern how she is beginning to see some aspect of herself in her young child that has caused her to struggle throughout her life.

]]> As parents, most if not all of us probably hope that our own children will absorb the very best of us, our positive personality tendencies, our industrious habits, and our moral standards and values, and disregard the rest. The last thing we want to believe is that our worst characteristics -- a bad temper, for example, or persistent bouts of depression, or a predilection for failed relationships, will somehow be passed on to our children, troubling their existence now and into the future. But in my clinical work, it is not unusual to hear a parent describe with great concern how she is beginning to see some aspect of herself in her young child that has caused her to struggle throughout her life.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 543 122 full 15 - The Illusion of Complexity 15 - The Illusion of Complexity https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/15-the-illusion-of-complexity/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/15-the-illusion-of-complexity/#comments Fri, 01 Mar 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/15-the-illusion-of-complexity-46ce248872a7600d623229b4db47f153 Often the solutions to many problems encountered in daily living and in contemporary relationships are not that difficult to reach. In fact, it seems to me that we often know what we need to do, as the issue at hand is not typically something we do not understand but something we do, in fact, understand all too well but merely have trouble accepting and, consequently, acting on once and for all. Instead, we tend to procrastinate or forestall, and a month turns into a year turns into a decade.   This inability to accept and act on what we recognize we must do is not a character flaw but, instead, seems to be a core element of the human condition, stemming from several key factors.

]]> Often the solutions to many problems encountered in daily living and in contemporary relationships are not that difficult to reach. In fact, it seems to me that we often know what we need to do, as the issue at hand is not typically something we do not understand but something we do, in fact, understand all too well but merely have trouble accepting and, consequently, acting on once and for all. Instead, we tend to procrastinate or forestall, and a month turns into a year turns into a decade.   This inability to accept and act on what we recognize we must do is not a character flaw but, instead, seems to be a core element of the human condition, stemming from several key factors.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 562 113 full 14 - Counteridentification 14 - Counteridentification https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/14-counteridentification/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/14-counteridentification/#comments Wed, 27 Feb 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/14-counteridentification-0b04c13bc735dbb182c77544f8129068 Counteridentification is an important term in psychological theory and in the literature on psychotherapy. It is also implicated in numerous problems that many adults experience. It refers to the common unconscious motivation in pre-adolescence and adolescence for the child to seek to be different from, and often opposed to, caregivers -- usually the parents. How the child seeks to be different from the parent may cover a range of qualities and characteristics, be it some aspect of the parent's personality, intellectual pursuits, behavior tendencies, social, political or cultural beliefs, even hobbies. A more global form of counteridentification is "counterwill," which numerous theorists conceptualize as the natural tendency to oppose anything or any person that makes demands on us, especially those demands that compromise our own uniqueness or individuality.

]]> Counteridentification is an important term in psychological theory and in the literature on psychotherapy. It is also implicated in numerous problems that many adults experience. It refers to the common unconscious motivation in pre-adolescence and adolescence for the child to seek to be different from, and often opposed to, caregivers -- usually the parents. How the child seeks to be different from the parent may cover a range of qualities and characteristics, be it some aspect of the parent's personality, intellectual pursuits, behavior tendencies, social, political or cultural beliefs, even hobbies. A more global form of counteridentification is "counterwill," which numerous theorists conceptualize as the natural tendency to oppose anything or any person that makes demands on us, especially those demands that compromise our own uniqueness or individuality.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 865 112 full 13 – What You Elicit 13 – What You Elicit https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/13-%e2%80%93-what-you-elicit/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/13-%e2%80%93-what-you-elicit/#comments Wed, 13 Feb 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/13-%e2%80%93-what-you-elicit-90de6412ceb4dbba4cff65b9040bf44b Many approaches to self-improvement and personal change are largely focused on self-understanding, on learning about one’s problematic or limiting beliefs, tendencies, and self-destructive actions.   Although this perspective on the internal, personal factors that may be responsible for a person’s discontent is important, it is certainly not the only perspective worth considering and, in my view, may actually limit what can be learned from other vantage points. Sometimes, how you see yourself, your problems, difficulties, and issues, is far less important than how you impact others. More specifically, what you elicit in others activates powerful relational and social dynamics that ultimately dictate your experience in the world far more than how you see, or feel about, yourself.  

]]> Many approaches to self-improvement and personal change are largely focused on self-understanding, on learning about one’s problematic or limiting beliefs, tendencies, and self-destructive actions.   Although this perspective on the internal, personal factors that may be responsible for a person’s discontent is important, it is certainly not the only perspective worth considering and, in my view, may actually limit what can be learned from other vantage points. Sometimes, how you see yourself, your problems, difficulties, and issues, is far less important than how you impact others. More specifically, what you elicit in others activates powerful relational and social dynamics that ultimately dictate your experience in the world far more than how you see, or feel about, yourself.  

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 600 110 full 12 – The Neurobiology of Fate 12 – The Neurobiology of Fate https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/12-%e2%80%93-the-neurobiology-of-fate/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/12-%e2%80%93-the-neurobiology-of-fate/#comments Mon, 11 Feb 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/12-%e2%80%93-the-neurobiology-of-fate-5c16f6f816c81f9b7f39561853931fee There is an emerging body of scientific research indicating that the human brain is impacted by social experience in ways we did not realize previously. In the last several decades we learned that the brain is malleable, a discovery that continues to influence how the brain responds to trauma and other types of insult. But, beyond this, it now appears that social relations, all aspects of interpersonal experience, become imprinted on the brain, impact neurologic and physiological functioning, and ultimately linger as a kind of neurologic aura which sends signals to others in the social world. Essentially, experience changes the wiring of the brain and the nervous system, and this rewiring is unconsciously and inadvertently communicated. Somewhat eerily, what happens to a person relationally is not concealed within memory but revealed from one mind to another.

]]> There is an emerging body of scientific research indicating that the human brain is impacted by social experience in ways we did not realize previously. In the last several decades we learned that the brain is malleable, a discovery that continues to influence how the brain responds to trauma and other types of insult. But, beyond this, it now appears that social relations, all aspects of interpersonal experience, become imprinted on the brain, impact neurologic and physiological functioning, and ultimately linger as a kind of neurologic aura which sends signals to others in the social world. Essentially, experience changes the wiring of the brain and the nervous system, and this rewiring is unconsciously and inadvertently communicated. Somewhat eerily, what happens to a person relationally is not concealed within memory but revealed from one mind to another.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 776 109 full 11 - Enactment 11 - Enactment https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/11-enactment/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/11-enactment/#comments Sun, 27 Jan 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/11-enactment-7593f78e4bad82b7006070d0e613787c Enactment is a term used by psychologists and theorists that refers to an experiential or relational dynamic that is created, unwittingly, by unconscious forces. Perhaps the most significant hypothesis put forth by Freud is that a person is doomed to repeat what he or she does not remember. What Freud meant by this statement is that experience which is not represented by the mind nor emotionally worked through is sequestered in the unconscious. Once housed in the unconscious, the circumstances of an experience (e.g., the roles played by different persons involved, the specific elements of the interaction, the feeling states produced, and so on) are primed to be replayed or repeated, often years later, with remarkable similarity to the original event. The original event is enacted or, perhaps more accurately, re-enacted.

]]> Enactment is a term used by psychologists and theorists that refers to an experiential or relational dynamic that is created, unwittingly, by unconscious forces. Perhaps the most significant hypothesis put forth by Freud is that a person is doomed to repeat what he or she does not remember. What Freud meant by this statement is that experience which is not represented by the mind nor emotionally worked through is sequestered in the unconscious. Once housed in the unconscious, the circumstances of an experience (e.g., the roles played by different persons involved, the specific elements of the interaction, the feeling states produced, and so on) are primed to be replayed or repeated, often years later, with remarkable similarity to the original event. The original event is enacted or, perhaps more accurately, re-enacted.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 602 102 full 10 - Guilt 10 - Guilt https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/10-guilt/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/10-guilt/#comments Sat, 26 Jan 2019 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/10-guilt-b90066479be9527e36950d527d66bf45 As a psychotherapist, guilt is one of the most common emotional experiences my patients grapple with. Guilt is commonly viewed as the feeling that emerges when you've done something wrong when you've made a mistake or not acted as you would have hoped or done something that violates your own moral values. But this is a rather limited perspective on guilt that misses the greater potential guilt may serve in one's mental life. In this brief presentation, I will attempt to shed light on how guilt can be used more productively if it is approached as an emotion that cues the onset of positive change.

]]> As a psychotherapist, guilt is one of the most common emotional experiences my patients grapple with. Guilt is commonly viewed as the feeling that emerges when you've done something wrong when you've made a mistake or not acted as you would have hoped or done something that violates your own moral values. But this is a rather limited perspective on guilt that misses the greater potential guilt may serve in one's mental life. In this brief presentation, I will attempt to shed light on how guilt can be used more productively if it is approached as an emotion that cues the onset of positive change.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 794 102 full 09 - The World One Sees and the Seer Who Sees It 09 - The World One Sees and the Seer Who Sees It https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/09-the-world-one-sees-and-the-seer-who-sees-it/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/09-the-world-one-sees-and-the-seer-who-sees-it/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/09-the-world-one-sees-and-the-seer-who-sees-it-a50353d4671905d603404904763f56d7 Seeing things as they are in an essential concept in Buddhist philosophy and psychology, as well as Freudian theory.   So much emotional turmoil, what is known as suffering in Buddhism, is due to the tendency to withdraw from and deny the true nature of things, what Freud called the configuration of reality. 

]]> Seeing things as they are in an essential concept in Buddhist philosophy and psychology, as well as Freudian theory.   So much emotional turmoil, what is known as suffering in Buddhism, is due to the tendency to withdraw from and deny the true nature of things, what Freud called the configuration of reality. 

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 848 87 full 08 - Denial and "Mystification" 08 - Denial and "Mystification" https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/08-denial-and-mystification/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/08-denial-and-mystification/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/08-denial-and-mystification-0d8d896a9b994e07025e759328511f64  

Due to our need to bond and early developmental experiences of tolerating the limitations of caregivers, denial is common in adult romantic relationships. But once denial is overcome, an important psychological capacity called "mystification" may evolve. Through the mystification process, unconscious narratives necessarily change.  The film "Leaving Las Vegas" illustrates the role mystification plays in personal transformation and the discovery of new channels of intimacy.

]]>  

Due to our need to bond and early developmental experiences of tolerating the limitations of caregivers, denial is common in adult romantic relationships. But once denial is overcome, an important psychological capacity called "mystification" may evolve. Through the mystification process, unconscious narratives necessarily change.  The film "Leaving Las Vegas" illustrates the role mystification plays in personal transformation and the discovery of new channels of intimacy.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 673 13 full 07 - The Architecture of a Relationship with a Narcissist in 5 Phases 07 - The Architecture of a Relationship with a Narcissist in 5 Phases https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/07-the-architecture-of-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-in-5-phases/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/07-the-architecture-of-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-in-5-phases/#comments Sat, 01 Sep 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/07-the-architecture-of-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-in-5-phases-b3b157b735fffcfacfa7a0c0268f2e53 Narcissistic tendencies are the result of psychological defenses employed early in development when the child's need for empathic reflection and mirroring was frustrated.  Consequently, the adult narcissist relates to significant others in a characteristic pattern.  Across five phases, the narcissist unconsciously attempts to pursue highly valued significant others then, through tactics of degradation and devaluation, seeks to extract their individuality and convert them into adoring mirrors.

]]> Narcissistic tendencies are the result of psychological defenses employed early in development when the child's need for empathic reflection and mirroring was frustrated.  Consequently, the adult narcissist relates to significant others in a characteristic pattern.  Across five phases, the narcissist unconsciously attempts to pursue highly valued significant others then, through tactics of degradation and devaluation, seeks to extract their individuality and convert them into adoring mirrors.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 844 12 full 06 - The Psychological Capacity of "Inflexion" 06 - The Psychological Capacity of "Inflexion" https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/06-the-psychological-capacity-of-inflexion/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/06-the-psychological-capacity-of-inflexion/#comments Wed, 29 Aug 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/06-the-psychological-capacity-of-inflexion-9c35dc2ed14173fa42f087e5374f9087  

"Inflexion" is the psychological capacity necessary to subvert one's unconscious repetition of prior relational injury and trauma in current and future romantic relationships.  It involves the recognition of roles and relational dynamics one consistently experiences and the desire to withdraw from all that is "familiar." With this perspective, all acts of personal change are viewed as originating in the alienation and deconstruction of one's identity.

]]>  

"Inflexion" is the psychological capacity necessary to subvert one's unconscious repetition of prior relational injury and trauma in current and future romantic relationships.  It involves the recognition of roles and relational dynamics one consistently experiences and the desire to withdraw from all that is "familiar." With this perspective, all acts of personal change are viewed as originating in the alienation and deconstruction of one's identity.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 709 6 full 05 - Unconscious Relational Templates in the Film "9 1/2 Weeks" 05 - Unconscious Relational Templates in the Film "9 1/2 Weeks" https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/unconscious-relational-templates-in-the-film-9-12-weeks/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/unconscious-relational-templates-in-the-film-9-12-weeks/#comments Sat, 25 Aug 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/unconscious-relational-templates-in-the-film-9-12-weeks-fbb3e660b28cde340965d70d5e3cdbe0 Adrian Lyne's 1986 film "9 1/2 Weeks" depicts the disturbing sadomasochistic relationship between "John" (Mickey Rourke) and "Elizabeth" (Kim Basinger), two characters destined to form a treacherous union.  Elizabeth's unconscious relational template, formed by prior relational trauma and sustained by her own neurobiology, makes it almost impossible for her to extricate herself.  Ultimately, a painter reveals to Elizabeth the reality of her being "hooked."

]]> Adrian Lyne's 1986 film "9 1/2 Weeks" depicts the disturbing sadomasochistic relationship between "John" (Mickey Rourke) and "Elizabeth" (Kim Basinger), two characters destined to form a treacherous union.  Elizabeth's unconscious relational template, formed by prior relational trauma and sustained by her own neurobiology, makes it almost impossible for her to extricate herself.  Ultimately, a painter reveals to Elizabeth the reality of her being "hooked."

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 779 5 full 04 - Fatal Attraction: Unconscious Recruitment and Enactment 04 - Fatal Attraction: Unconscious Recruitment and Enactment https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/04-fatal-attraction-unconscious-recruitment-and-enactment/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/04-fatal-attraction-unconscious-recruitment-and-enactment/#comments Wed, 22 Aug 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/04-fatal-attraction-unconscious-recruitment-and-enactment-a4c66ac3d28ae5d32ac1542664d46043  

Emotional injuries suffered in relationships early in development set up the unconscious motivation to repeat and enact similar experiences of conflict, rejection, and trauma across the lifespan.  Relationships are not "fated" by some spiritual force but rather by the uncanny psychological drive to seek out persons who are likely candidates to fulfill our own particular narrative of malignant love.

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Emotional injuries suffered in relationships early in development set up the unconscious motivation to repeat and enact similar experiences of conflict, rejection, and trauma across the lifespan.  Relationships are not "fated" by some spiritual force but rather by the uncanny psychological drive to seek out persons who are likely candidates to fulfill our own particular narrative of malignant love.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 624 4 full 03 - The Shared Psychological Origin of Narcissism and Codependent Relational Styles 03 - The Shared Psychological Origin of Narcissism and Codependent Relational Styles https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/the-shared-psychological-origin-of-narcissism-and-codependent-relational-styles/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/the-shared-psychological-origin-of-narcissism-and-codependent-relational-styles/#comments Sat, 18 Aug 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/the-shared-psychological-origin-of-narcissism-and-codependent-relational-styles-b9c595e403854030ed3efb95c182d38c Narcissistic and codependent relational styles in adulthood originated as unconscious psychological defenses in early development.  If the child's bond with the primary caregiver was characterized by repeated unempathic and non-mirroring responses, the child may resort to compromising his or her own identity to placate the person desired (codependence) or to debasing and invalidating the object of affection so as to never be shamed again (narcissism).

]]> Narcissistic and codependent relational styles in adulthood originated as unconscious psychological defenses in early development.  If the child's bond with the primary caregiver was characterized by repeated unempathic and non-mirroring responses, the child may resort to compromising his or her own identity to placate the person desired (codependence) or to debasing and invalidating the object of affection so as to never be shamed again (narcissism).

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 657 3 full 02 – The "Maternalizing Dynamic" in Romantic Relationships 02 – The "Maternalizing Dynamic" in Romantic Relationships https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/02-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthe-maternalizing-dynamic%e2%80%9d-in-romantic-relationships/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/02-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthe-maternalizing-dynamic%e2%80%9d-in-romantic-relationships/#comments Wed, 15 Aug 2018 06:00:00 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/02-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthe-maternalizing-dynamic%e2%80%9d-in-romantic-relationships-88ed966f163f7fee4667fc76d664de4f Under certain conditions, a romantic relationship based on strong sexual and emotional attraction may devolve into unconscious role assignments in which a woman acts in a maternalistic fashion toward her previously competent and autonomous partner.  Each partner contributes to this insidious transition as the couple's diminishing sexual life signals the arrival of previously unresolved emotional injuries.

]]> Under certain conditions, a romantic relationship based on strong sexual and emotional attraction may devolve into unconscious role assignments in which a woman acts in a maternalistic fashion toward her previously competent and autonomous partner.  Each partner contributes to this insidious transition as the couple's diminishing sexual life signals the arrival of previously unresolved emotional injuries.

]]> James Tobin Ph.D. false No 744 2 full 01 - The Distinction between "Attachment" and "Erotic" Love 01 - The Distinction between "Attachment" and "Erotic" Love https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/01-the-distinction-between-attachment-and-erotic-love/ https://jamestobinphd.podbean.com/e/01-the-distinction-between-attachment-and-erotic-love/#comments Sat, 11 Aug 2018 16:15:25 -0700 jamestobinphd.podbean.com/01-the-distinction-between-attachment-and-erotic-love-496fee72ae3ac2343d09673bc67ec643 Many people experience unnecessary struggles in their romantic relationships because they unconsciously rely on primitive bonding strategies ("attachment") rather than on "erotic" forms of relatedness characterized by an uncensored expression of self, firm boundaries, and divestment from compliance.

]]> Many people experience unnecessary struggles in their romantic relationships because they unconsciously rely on primitive bonding strategies ("attachment") rather than on "erotic" forms of relatedness characterized by an uncensored expression of self, firm boundaries, and divestment from compliance.

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