i fucking hate this....FUCK YOU!!!!!

I fucking hate this....She's just come back from her fabulous weekend with friends and messaged me..."I'm heading home. I got trashed lol I loved it! Hows work?" Fuck off. She promised me that the first time she got drunk, it's be with me. Of course forgetting we're not together anymore. I'm supposed to somehow let all that go. Ok....Here's how...I don't give a fuck. You wanna go get pissed, have fun with that, but you can't stop me from doing it too. Revenge, much? Lol.

I hate being so angry at her. Especially now that I'm not with her anymore...I'm not going to ring her, because I'm just going to end up yelling a lot, and I have a headache. Fuck. I just feel like crying right now. I really need someone to talk to or to stabilize me... Not a whole lot I can do about that, I guess...Meditate...Om Mane Padme Hum....Rob (Gretch) I need to talk to you tonight...I hope I can stay up that late....

I'm sort of lost right now. I know I shouldn't rely on other people and what not, but there's not a lot I can do about that right now...I mean...I feel like I'm 3 inches tall. I have no encouragement from those who matter...Not like I have a "those who matter" right now, any way. I feel really fucked up and I'm not sure why. I guess this is the final goodbye from my sanity...Ta, y'all...really appreciate it.

I'm all....Well I dunno...Think "that fun night at the bowling alley with Raven and the Fabulous Ross". I nearly took her head off that night. I had never been so angry and hurt in my life. I threw a punch and I collected the solid tiled wall behind her...That's the way that I feel now and I don't know why.

Naturally, I've just left a message on her phone to get her to ring me or something...fabulous. I can't fucking stick to anything, can I? I can't very well leave things alone and just back the fuck away...Yargh!! whatever. I'm gonna go and hope for the best. I really really need someone to talk to right now...I really do.