so here i am....the "dyke"
Oh goody. I fucking hate juniors...Disgusting little fuckwits deserve to die...Someday they will. "Omg, are you that dyke girl?"...."Ew, that's disgusting"...Don't worry, fuck face, you can't catch it. I'll be gone in 6 school days. Next week is the last one...Thank christ (or someone)....Goodo, here they come again....Man, it just keeps getting better. I wish I had BONES here...not much I can do. I wish this school had a GSA...
I'm having a "who the fuck am I?" day....Shane...."that other name".....I don't really know, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it....It's so fucked up sometimes, you know? I hate not knowing who I am or who I want to be sometimes. I'm tired of nursing a tattered soul. It's getting hard to deal with...I guess 'cos it hasn't happened in so long, I've forgotten how to deal with it...My skin doesn't seem so thick anymore.
I had a dream the other night where I was smoking the fattest joint....think Cheech and Chong, lol. Now that's all I can think about. I just wanna hang out with mates and be chill and get high....or drunk...or whatever, just get me out of this year and into the next. I'm sick of being here.
I can't wait to go to TAFE next year...I mean, I know I'll be doing year 12 again, but that's ok by me. I just wanna be in an environment where I'm not gonna feel hassled for being me. I hate it when people just talk shit just to get under my skin....It makes me feel really warped out...Not much I can do about that really, lol. It's not like I have that long to go, I guess.
I guess I've just been feeling out of it. I've been sleeping with Bones under my pillow every night. You know how some kids have a blanky or a teddy to keep them safe...Like a security blaket sort of thing?...Well, I sleep with a knife under my pillow. I just feel safer with her there...No big. Or not in my head, anyway.
I mean, aside from all this shit, everything's going pretty well. I should be on the meds for another 6 months. The shrinks are pretty pleased with my progress and what not, so everything's turned out fine.
Lately, my mates and I have regressed into our childhoods....Funnily enough, the ones involved (Diz, Kat and I) haven't really had much of a childhood, so I guess we're making up for lost time. It's really cool, lol. We've taken to playing handball and jump rope. I've been enjoying it thoroughly, lol. I hate being a "grown-up". It's scary to me. I love the security of that childishness (is that a word?). All I need is a nice Mummy or Daddy to take care of me, and it'll all be peachy.
leatherboy is so lucky to have his Daddy and his leather family...Not that I'm jealous or anything...</span>