avenge my sanity!!!!!!

Yay! Here I am again updating....you all should count yourselves lucky that I grace you with my prescence twice in one day....or maybe at least appreciate the fact that I'm bored and have no life. it's tragic, I know.

*sings* In the office, the tidy off ice where the fun-starved slave tonight......

So yeah. I feel like writing...I don't really have much to write about....there's a constant in my head about a psychic (has anyone seen that show, "afterlife"?)....

They're still here. They're always here. I don't know if they're reality, imaginary or somewhere in between...All I know is that they're dead; a fact that they're not always clear on. They're everywhere. Children, adults, animals....all "living" amongst the living and somehow they all want something from me. I feel it is something I can not give them. I believe they want my help. I don't know what they want my help with....I suppose that it's something that they'll have to tell me themselves. When they're ready. I seem insane with the way that I sometimes act. People believe that I am either delusional or schitzophrenic. Perhaps both. I have not yet met someone else who can see them; someone else who can communicate with them....Maybe one day I will.

So yeah. That's about it so far....it's a little whack (not wiggety-whack, just regular whack), but still, there's nothing i can do about that. Sometimes my head fills with this shit. I know it's all crap, but some of it is sick crap, lol...molestation, incest, ghosts, rape, murder, debauchery.....it feels disgusting to me....I suppose if I could take my mind and put it into someone else's head, it would feel like they had insects crawling through their head and body; disgusting scratchy-legged creatures that hurt and cry to be released and you know they will make you act badly or go insane if you can't answer their cries...It feels like "girl, interrupted" or "prozac nation". The way I used to feel. It's only sometimes, but. Gotta love creative writing, eh? Lol. Yeah....talent my ass. Curse is more like it.

It's funny (not "ha-ha" funny) how the artistic types always have something "wrong" with them, whether it be crippling depression, addiction (of any type), schitzophrenia etc etc...I don't have schitzophrenia...but I do like the way it sounds in my mouth...like eating glass marbles. The word "molestation", too, is an odd word. It brings me mixed feelings....I don't know if it is that really innocent feeling of smooshing around in the rain in your wellington boots, or if it is the feeling of getting dirt under your nails and not being able to get rid of it. It is a difficult word. it is a difficult world.

God, how pommy is that? "Wellington boots" (or "galoshes")...I don't know why I say that...Too much Beatrix Potter, I believe, lol. I also say "Macintosh" for raincoat (or slicker, as some people call them)...

So yeah...God I say that a lot, lol. Anyhow, I'm bored. As I said earlier today, I have that stupidass appointment, huurah. Oh well. I suppose I shall go through the motions any way. WOO HOO! lol, tonight we're going to the city...my f/unit has to pick up some football (rugby) tickets....lucky her. At least we get dinner out, lol. Not that I'm greedy and selfish. No, Not at all. Though it does depend on whom you ask.

well, I should go. I have this fucked up appointment to go get ready for, so I might talk to you later....If you're lucky, lol.

Ciao.