have a psychotic day :)

i'm scared today

i'm alone today

i'm cold today

i'm unloved today

i'm faithless today

i'm sad today

i'm saying goodbye today....

ok, so i'm not really going anywhere, but i'm not having a good moment.

i'm realising that how i planned my future is not how it's gonna pan out....i had someone. i have no one. i would like a family and kids one day. i'd like to be loved unconditionally at some point - not have someone who just says they love me, shut my heart down and move on to the next boi/boy/girl - someone who actually loves me.

man. right now, i wish i was 8 feet under (just to be difficult)...

i need to be loved and regardless of what anyone else says...there's no one here. i mean, admittedly, that's what i'm supposed to be studying...that i don't need other people for my own sense of peace and balance...but still. it's nice to be loved.

i'm slowly begining to realise that i'm not healthy. dangerously not healthy....i mean, i'm verging on sick. i'm not anorexic...but i weigh 50kg...the anorexia cut-off is 48kg. i'm not doing this intentionally, mind you...don't think that for a minute....i think it started because of my depression. i wasn't hungry and i lost about 8kgs coz i wasn't hungry (therefore i didn't eat). now i have a shrunken stomach and can't eat very much. anyway...putting it easily i really only can have one meal a day...so, my mother's decided that it's time for the next step....protein shakes. one word for you "yuck"

anyway. i'm getting pressure sores and bruises from sitting or leaning on hard things. i get really really cold now. i always feel really tired. i have no energy. i can't sleep without my medication. i'm weirdly paranoid and i don't know why.

the last thought to pulsate through my morbid head before i medicated last night was "what if i took two...or three...or four...no one would ever know...."

i'm a boi calling out for someone to love him

i'm a boi jealous of his friends sex lives

i'm a boi crying because i'm scared and alone

i'm a boi who's missing the one person that mattered who's now moving on

any girls who like girls (how else can i say it? some people are picky) who want a friend or whatever...please talk to me....on second thoughts....anyone talk to me.

shane