Good thing I never expected my life to be easy or straight-forward.

Going back to my doctor today for a referral to a private psychiatrist (so I don't have to keep going back and forth from GP to shrink) and/or for a referral to a private hospital. 

I've been dealing with these really rapid, stupidly intense mood swings. I go from feeling crap but functional and stable to feeling desperately bad in minutes. All day is like this. I don't have any mania, which is good, but it would be nice to break up the picture a bit, lol. It's becoming increasingly clear that my medication isn't working and shit's been all fucked up since I had to take the five day course of Zyprexa. I've never had mood swings like this before and I'm struggling.

I have assignments due this week which I haven't done. I have readings to do which I can't sit still long enough to do. It's all of a sudden so hard to focus on a thought or a conversation...It takes so much effort to connect thoughts together to make them seem logical when they come out of my mouth...Which makes me seem like a crazy person, lol. 

I know I don't have to sort everything out right this minute and things will be fine once I have a proper plan in place, but I feel like I'm at a loose end and I don't know what to do. I keep sitting with this assignment and it's making me crazy, knowing that if I was feeling alright I'd have had it done, from scratch, yesterday, ready to hand in today. It's only 1000 words, for fuck's sake.

I wish I didn't feel so erratic and disorganised. I'm not used to that. I don't like how unpredictable this whole thing has become. I wish I could just get something done. It's going to be a long and interesting day.

I'll keep you guys updated as to what happens next xx