So, poppets, I'm housesitting for the next few days (because I'm lucky). M and V are going to visit M's parents and they needed, as usual, someone to watch the remaining pup (LuDog) and the cats. So, as I say, here I am until about midmorning on Sunday. No worries.
The medication has settled down to the point where I don't really have to worry about side-effects and things like that (the tremors have settled down, mostly), but now everything's kind of moving into the maintenance phase where it all just falls into place and I'd kind of forgotten about this bit...The real effect of the medication...I have no emotions. My affect is almost completely flat. Sure, there's respite from the crippling depression -- in the fetal position, marinading in my own pain -- and I'm grateful for that, really, but there's just something that's strange about not really feeling anything. I mean, my emotions have never really been up and down, there's not a lot of fluctuation, but there's some movement, you know? For a decent example, I went and saw David Sedaris (got tickets for Christmas) on Monday night, and he was pretty good, told some interesting jokes, cool anecdotes, and I was surrounded by people who were laughing and enjoying themselves, and I had nothing. I understood the jokes, of course, and intellectually I found them amusing, but emotionally I really didn't have a huge connection to his act and I found that more distracting than worrying. Because worry would be an emotion ;)
Had the worst morning...I got a call from my shrink's office telling me my 1:30 appointment got pushed back to 2:30, and they felt that they had to call me to tell me this at some stupid hour of the morning. Before 9, lol. I went back to sleep for an hour or so and I got another call from the Black Dog Institute during which a lady whose name escapes me informed me of what I had to do and what the process was going to be. I have an appointment to go to the institute at 8:45 ack-emma *gags* on February first to meet with another shrink whence I'll complete a total assessment. Urgh. Tiring, time consuming, irritating. There was an online component, too, which I did today before I forgot about it, and there's some paperwork that I had to print out and fill in, which I did too, lest I forget. I'm going to review it when I get home and see if I should redo it, but so far so good.
Had a long lesson in mindfulness today with my shrink. I've had some experience with mindfulness before, but I've never been too successful with it. Partly because of lack of effort on my part and also because my thoughts sometimes come through really fast and it's hard to stay on top of it all, so it's just easier -- though not smarter -- to just let them take over. So, I'm committing myself to the process and am going to get the hang of this cognition therapy if it kills me. It just might, if all sessions are as irritating as today's, lol. I don't know...I still feel that it's all a bit 'crunchy-granola,' as my mum would say, but the techniques work and there's plenty of evidence to prove it, I just need to accept it and commit to it. Good luck, what?
By and large, I'm doing alright. Not perfect, but I don't need an intervention or anything like that, lol. As I said, I feel flat, but OK. I'm just going to hang in there and see how it all plays out over the next few days. It'll be fine. Surely.
Hoping you all are well xox
The medication has settled down to the point where I don't really have to worry about side-effects and things like that (the tremors have settled down, mostly), but now everything's kind of moving into the maintenance phase where it all just falls into place and I'd kind of forgotten about this bit...The real effect of the medication...I have no emotions. My affect is almost completely flat. Sure, there's respite from the crippling depression -- in the fetal position, marinading in my own pain -- and I'm grateful for that, really, but there's just something that's strange about not really feeling anything. I mean, my emotions have never really been up and down, there's not a lot of fluctuation, but there's some movement, you know? For a decent example, I went and saw David Sedaris (got tickets for Christmas) on Monday night, and he was pretty good, told some interesting jokes, cool anecdotes, and I was surrounded by people who were laughing and enjoying themselves, and I had nothing. I understood the jokes, of course, and intellectually I found them amusing, but emotionally I really didn't have a huge connection to his act and I found that more distracting than worrying. Because worry would be an emotion ;)
Had the worst morning...I got a call from my shrink's office telling me my 1:30 appointment got pushed back to 2:30, and they felt that they had to call me to tell me this at some stupid hour of the morning. Before 9, lol. I went back to sleep for an hour or so and I got another call from the Black Dog Institute during which a lady whose name escapes me informed me of what I had to do and what the process was going to be. I have an appointment to go to the institute at 8:45 ack-emma *gags* on February first to meet with another shrink whence I'll complete a total assessment. Urgh. Tiring, time consuming, irritating. There was an online component, too, which I did today before I forgot about it, and there's some paperwork that I had to print out and fill in, which I did too, lest I forget. I'm going to review it when I get home and see if I should redo it, but so far so good.
Had a long lesson in mindfulness today with my shrink. I've had some experience with mindfulness before, but I've never been too successful with it. Partly because of lack of effort on my part and also because my thoughts sometimes come through really fast and it's hard to stay on top of it all, so it's just easier -- though not smarter -- to just let them take over. So, I'm committing myself to the process and am going to get the hang of this cognition therapy if it kills me. It just might, if all sessions are as irritating as today's, lol. I don't know...I still feel that it's all a bit 'crunchy-granola,' as my mum would say, but the techniques work and there's plenty of evidence to prove it, I just need to accept it and commit to it. Good luck, what?
By and large, I'm doing alright. Not perfect, but I don't need an intervention or anything like that, lol. As I said, I feel flat, but OK. I'm just going to hang in there and see how it all plays out over the next few days. It'll be fine. Surely.
Hoping you all are well xox