far out brussells sprout
orrite. here's the 411, lol. i'm a wreak and apparently it's beginning to show. i mean, i didn't think it was this bad, but i guess it's starting to wreak up other bits of my life....
more medication...seroquel (anyone with experience of this, feel free to tell me a bit about it). i hate this shit. seriously. it "forces" me to sleep. it's insane...i've started to have thesereally panicky dreams too....not sure what that's about. i hope it goes away soon. i can't deal too well with it. it can't possibly make things worse though, can it? oh well...worth a shot. bastards.
my girlfriend and i "talk"...i know that sounds weird, but it's the kind of talk that you almost regret, but really appreciate later. i'm like a fucking cannonball, you know? just ripping through and not checking out the damage. it's weird. just chatten and having all the things that aren't well or right in our relationship right up...i know, i know. it sounds hypercritical, but it's not supposed to be.
this is the thing that we were never doing. we were never talking....well, there was plenty of talking going on, but i mean, no communicating. "i'm feeling heavy and depressed today, babe, how are you?"...nothing like that. i think that this is the time where we both need to stop and take a breath, you know? really get into it and talk our shit through...it's the only way we can make it work...
god....on a happier note :( (yeah rite) i can't stop crying. it's driving me fucking insane. i mean, i have semi-permanent bloodshot eyes...i look like a fucking stoner for christ's sake! (i'm not though).i bet it frustrates raven, the crying, 'coz now with how she is, she just wants to yell at me to shut up, insteadof cuddling me til it's over. i gues i miss that.
i really miss our snuggles. like how she used to be all cuddly when we'd sleep. it's weird. i don't care if we don't ever have sex again...i just want to feel secure and warm and snuggly, lol. but it's ok. i know how my constant ramblings and "i love you's" affect raven now. even i notice it's too forced. i really want her to just be able to say it....like she used to. *wistful smile*
doesn't matter though. i know my girl loves me, otherwise, would she have invested all this time and woman power in me? no sir. no she wouldn't have. you wanna know something? i told her she was amazing today....yeah i know. nothing special, right? wrong. to me, everything clicked, you know? i mean, i really realised just how important she is, like how grateful i am to have her in my life, someone who wants to be with me....she wants to make us work, and i really do too. i think our relationship is the only sincerely important thing to me right now...well that and raven's happiness and wellbeing (shortly followed by my happiness and wellbeing)
meh...i didn't intend for this to be such a long post. it kinda just went on. and on....and on. no matter though....i get to see my girl tomorrow...i hope she's not too bummed out about me not being able to sleep over tomorrow nite....babe, i left u amsg on ur mobile, i hope you got it....sorry if u didn't, but i shall see you tomorrow for some serious down time. i love you, raven, no matter what. xox
shane.
more medication...seroquel (anyone with experience of this, feel free to tell me a bit about it). i hate this shit. seriously. it "forces" me to sleep. it's insane...i've started to have thesereally panicky dreams too....not sure what that's about. i hope it goes away soon. i can't deal too well with it. it can't possibly make things worse though, can it? oh well...worth a shot. bastards.
my girlfriend and i "talk"...i know that sounds weird, but it's the kind of talk that you almost regret, but really appreciate later. i'm like a fucking cannonball, you know? just ripping through and not checking out the damage. it's weird. just chatten and having all the things that aren't well or right in our relationship right up...i know, i know. it sounds hypercritical, but it's not supposed to be.
this is the thing that we were never doing. we were never talking....well, there was plenty of talking going on, but i mean, no communicating. "i'm feeling heavy and depressed today, babe, how are you?"...nothing like that. i think that this is the time where we both need to stop and take a breath, you know? really get into it and talk our shit through...it's the only way we can make it work...
god....on a happier note :( (yeah rite) i can't stop crying. it's driving me fucking insane. i mean, i have semi-permanent bloodshot eyes...i look like a fucking stoner for christ's sake! (i'm not though).i bet it frustrates raven, the crying, 'coz now with how she is, she just wants to yell at me to shut up, insteadof cuddling me til it's over. i gues i miss that.
i really miss our snuggles. like how she used to be all cuddly when we'd sleep. it's weird. i don't care if we don't ever have sex again...i just want to feel secure and warm and snuggly, lol. but it's ok. i know how my constant ramblings and "i love you's" affect raven now. even i notice it's too forced. i really want her to just be able to say it....like she used to. *wistful smile*
doesn't matter though. i know my girl loves me, otherwise, would she have invested all this time and woman power in me? no sir. no she wouldn't have. you wanna know something? i told her she was amazing today....yeah i know. nothing special, right? wrong. to me, everything clicked, you know? i mean, i really realised just how important she is, like how grateful i am to have her in my life, someone who wants to be with me....she wants to make us work, and i really do too. i think our relationship is the only sincerely important thing to me right now...well that and raven's happiness and wellbeing (shortly followed by my happiness and wellbeing)
meh...i didn't intend for this to be such a long post. it kinda just went on. and on....and on. no matter though....i get to see my girl tomorrow...i hope she's not too bummed out about me not being able to sleep over tomorrow nite....babe, i left u amsg on ur mobile, i hope you got it....sorry if u didn't, but i shall see you tomorrow for some serious down time. i love you, raven, no matter what. xox
shane.