Prayer for the deluded...Don't mind me.

 Today is the first time I've doubted myself seriously and it's put me in an awful mood.

What if I can't do this Lit. thing? What if it doesn't work? What if I don't make it to uni? What if it falls apart like everything else has?

I can't be back at square one again...I can't do that. I can't put into words what that would do to me...I can't go back there. It's terrifying.

I've made promises and prayers to gods that I don't believe in for this...I'll bargain with my soul if that's what it takes....

Just...Please don't let me fail. Please hep me avoid doing this again.

I can't afford it. I don't have the strength anymore to pull myself back again.

Just...Help me find myself again...

I promise that if I succeed, I'll work. I'll work for every day and for each year - from the beginning of my Bachelor to the end of my PhD, if that's where I wind up. I won't waste a moment or fritter an opportunity....I want this so badly I can taste it...

Just please...

Don't let me fail.