fragile
i feel like i've been smashed to a billion trillion bits and now there's no one here to help me back together.
i made raven so mad today...i'm really sorry i acted the way i did...i think i ruined everything and i think she's really mad still...i didn't mean to ruin things with you and nemo, babe, i'm so sorry...i guess i wasn't thinking right or something. i dunno. i do trust you tho..and you know that.
no one wants me anymore...or at least that's how i feel, even if that's not the reality. i doubt that raven even wants to stay over at my house this weekend...i guess even if she does, she'll not want any cuddles or anything from me. i guess she's all anti touchy...maybe it's just a phase or something...i have no idea. i'm just feeling all unwanted because she's feeling distant. i'll live and we'll get through this...we have to, right?
why do i feel so rejected, though? why can she talk normal as anything to other people, hug them and so forth, but back off when i try to hug her or touch her? this hurts so fucking much because the woman i love can't deal with anything...not even me.
we want/need two different things. i need the physical stuff e.g hugs and reassurance etc, and she wants...i have no idea. all's i know is that she still loves me...she's told me that and i trust her with my fucking life....i dunno if she can feel this or not, but i love her with my heart....
baby, i've given up half a world for you, to make you happy, i'll do anything for you. i've quit smoking and everything...i gave that all up so you'd be satisfied that i was safe and healthyish...i'll give up anything..my life, my boots...money...anything if it meant that you'd be satisfied with my trust and love. i'll do anything for you...and you know what? i'm getting over it. just like you wanted. i figured constantly worrying was bullshit anyway...if i stress about anything else, there'll be nothing left. it'd ruin us if i didn't get over it...
i really need to see you this weekend babe...i'm gonna lose it, lol...i miss you so bad, you know? i just hope u still wanna spend time with me after the way i treated you...
i'm so fucking unhealthy right now...i keep dropping weight and i'm eating like a fucking horse. it's insane. i'm trying to get healthy again 'coz i'm so fucking sick of how everyone keeps telling me i'm too thin...i look skeletal, even my face shape has changed...it's insane. i hate the whole digestive preocess, but fuck, it ain't worth this.
fuck this insanity bullshit. i've got an assessment task due on tuesday and i haven't started it yet...i'm beginning to really not care.
love love, 'night.
i made raven so mad today...i'm really sorry i acted the way i did...i think i ruined everything and i think she's really mad still...i didn't mean to ruin things with you and nemo, babe, i'm so sorry...i guess i wasn't thinking right or something. i dunno. i do trust you tho..and you know that.
no one wants me anymore...or at least that's how i feel, even if that's not the reality. i doubt that raven even wants to stay over at my house this weekend...i guess even if she does, she'll not want any cuddles or anything from me. i guess she's all anti touchy...maybe it's just a phase or something...i have no idea. i'm just feeling all unwanted because she's feeling distant. i'll live and we'll get through this...we have to, right?
why do i feel so rejected, though? why can she talk normal as anything to other people, hug them and so forth, but back off when i try to hug her or touch her? this hurts so fucking much because the woman i love can't deal with anything...not even me.
we want/need two different things. i need the physical stuff e.g hugs and reassurance etc, and she wants...i have no idea. all's i know is that she still loves me...she's told me that and i trust her with my fucking life....i dunno if she can feel this or not, but i love her with my heart....
baby, i've given up half a world for you, to make you happy, i'll do anything for you. i've quit smoking and everything...i gave that all up so you'd be satisfied that i was safe and healthyish...i'll give up anything..my life, my boots...money...anything if it meant that you'd be satisfied with my trust and love. i'll do anything for you...and you know what? i'm getting over it. just like you wanted. i figured constantly worrying was bullshit anyway...if i stress about anything else, there'll be nothing left. it'd ruin us if i didn't get over it...
i really need to see you this weekend babe...i'm gonna lose it, lol...i miss you so bad, you know? i just hope u still wanna spend time with me after the way i treated you...
i'm so fucking unhealthy right now...i keep dropping weight and i'm eating like a fucking horse. it's insane. i'm trying to get healthy again 'coz i'm so fucking sick of how everyone keeps telling me i'm too thin...i look skeletal, even my face shape has changed...it's insane. i hate the whole digestive preocess, but fuck, it ain't worth this.
fuck this insanity bullshit. i've got an assessment task due on tuesday and i haven't started it yet...i'm beginning to really not care.
love love, 'night.