omg...

just had a total panic atack. arms and face are numb....seriously. i'm not doing too good...it's so fucked up. i wish i didn't feel so lost and alone right now...i really need to talk to raven, but ican't right now...y? because i've had to leave her to it for a few minutes (by my count, half an hour) because she's busy talking to nemo...i wanted her to come online so we could chat...maybe even pretend that neither of us is fucked up, not for her to ignore me.

when ur on anti-depressants, isn't shit supposed to get easier, not darker and gloomier...fuck. i don't even want to be here anymore. i jsut want to go back to the bright place...like glebe, where my girl and i were stoked as and it was sunny (even tho i got sunburnt), and we were all hand holdy etc etc....now i can't even feel my hands...i think this is what a heart attack feels like....omg...here we go again...

i gtg...gotta go this assessmnet/....can't fukkin deal with this shit rite now